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Ei had seen the way people looked at her.
Ever since she stepped out of her own head, Ei could feel the eyes of everyone on her. Wondering how their home would change now that she was leading her country instead of hiding behind a puppet.
It had only been a week since the Traveler had convinced her to come back to reality, but so much had changed.
“Thinking away into space again, are we?”
A teasing voice brought Ei back to the moment. She was seated at a table inside Tenshukaku, heaps of paperwork currently discarded for later. In place of papers, there was a selection of sweet desserts and fruit.
“Oh”, Ei paused, not quite sure what to say next. The fox envoy across from her smiled, barely containing a giggle. “It’s quite alright”, she said, “although I would prefer to be able to talk to the person I waited five-hundred years to see again.” Ei felt a bit of guilt wash through her, for making her wait so long. Ei knew she had noticed her drop in expression, and racked her brain for something to say back to the woman. “I…I’m sorry Miko. I will make it up to you, I promise”, her voice wavered ever-so-slightly, which the Archon part of her brain protested.
“Ah, we will have plenty of time to make up”, Yae Miko declared proudly, a lilt in her words suggesting to Ei that she will not be getting as much work done as she’d expected to, “even with your…schedule.” Ei smiled, knowing that Yae definitely planned to drag her out into the world. She hummed in response before grabbing a stick of dango that had been in front of her. Sweets were one of the things she had missed most whilst in her eternal meditation. The dessert tasted exactly as she remembered it. Ei sighed, then turned a bright pink when she saw Miko staring. The fox envoy smirked, but there was nothing but love in her eyes.
After a few moments more with Yae, Ei resigned herself to the mountain of work she had to get done. She took on slightly more, including writing reports, to let Kujou Sara have a meeting with Kokomi. Ei knew there was so much that needed to be done, reconciliations included. Sara may be straight to the point, but it gets the job done, she thought. Ei took her place at the desk, positioned in the corner of her room, and began to write.
Many things required her signature, which had previously been done by the puppet, but now that responsibility was hers. With the amount of signatures needed for trivial issues, Ei was now considering loosening the requirements for approval. Her pen scratched paper in a consistent rhythm.
Why are you doing all of this?
The thought popped into her head, unwelcome and jarring. Ei felt her brow furrow while she processed it.
It all won’t change how people see you.
How people fear you.
Ah…that’s what she’s running away from now. Isn’t it?
Ei hadn’t been blind to the fear that filled citizen’s eyes when she walked past them. How they still trembled under her gaze. Jumbling their words when she spoke to them. The way young kids would run to their parents.
She shook her head, trying to force herself to focus on anything but her own worthless insecurities. There was work to be done, she could wallow in her self-pity at a later time. She worked, and worked, but her mind continued to wander.
Ei wasn’t sure how long she had been writing, only that her hand was incredibly sore and her head pounded in protest. As she stood, her legs popped as a testament to how long she’d been seated. Ei deduced it was around noon based on where the sun was. At that exact moment, a head of pink hair poked through her door.
“You do know you’re supposed to knock, yes?”
The statement of fact held no malice, although Ei wasn’t sure how she came off. “Yes yes, you have incredibly important archon duties”, Yae teased, “but I’m sure you would like a break from those, hm?” After all these years, Ei was still taken aback at Miko’s ability to read her like a book. “A break would be…enjoyable. What did you have in mind?” At this, Yae Miko smirked in a way that made Ei turn red. “Oh I was thinking….” she walked in long, graceful strides towards Ei. She could feel her heart start racing in her chest. “How about grabbing something for lunch?” Yae was inches from Ei’s face now. “I was thinking somewhere you haven’t been yet…you need to try new things after all”, she said in a way that made Ei’s heart melt. Even after all these years, Miko still knew how to make her fall head-over-heels.
“T-that sounds nice Miko, thank you.” Ei mentally cursed herself for stuttering. Miko chuckled, putting her hand slightly over her mouth to give Ei some of her dignity back. “You’re adorable Ei”, Yae Miko said as she took her hand and tapped Ei on the nose. The archon was left bright red and completely speechless, which only made the fox giggle more. “All right, I’ll give your poor heart a rest for the time being.” Yae Miko took Ei’s hand and began leading her out the door and into the world. Ei sighed, it was only fitting for Miko to be the one to take her out of the safety of Tenshukaku.
Ei had to admit, Inazuma was still as beautiful as it was when she became its archon. The trees were in full bloom this time of year, causing the ground to be littered with bright pink petals. She had been reassured that the street vendor they were going to see wasn’t far, which made Ei feel slightly less nervous about the journey. “I got recommended this place by the traveler before they left to go to Sumeru, they said it’s quite good”, Miko stated, “I’ve never been here myself, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity to try something together.”
Ei’s eyes began to wander to the passerby. She tried to never look at them, but some days she couldn’t tear her gaze away. She hated the way they looked at her, although she wasn’t angry with them. The guilt always came seeping back in when she went outside, today was no different even with Miko by her side. Her vision accidentally caught the staring eyes of a child, no older than six. She gave a weak smile, but the child still cowered away from her.
Miko suddenly stopped, causing Ei to nearly bump into her. “Ah. There it is!”, Yae exclaimed. The woman turned back to look at Ei, to which she frowned. “Are you doing alright?” The concern was palpable even though Ei wasn’t staring her in the eye. “Oh. Yes, I’m alright. Thank you.” Miko didn’t seem pleased by her response, but turned to the street vendor to place orders. The young man standing by the cart saw Miko and his face lit up. “Hello Guuji Yae! It’s a pleasure to have you here”, he talked a bit faster than Ei could comprehend, but Yae seemed to be able to understand him just fine. “Hehe, I’ve heard good things about your shop. Me and my friend wanted to come see.” At this, the young man finally saw who was behind the Guuji. Ei could see his eyes widen in shock at her presence accompanied by an expression she could only interpret as fear.
“O-Oh! Good afternoon, Your Excellency. It’s an absolute honor to see you at my humble stand. My name is Tomoki, what could I get started for you today?” Ei cringed at the way his voice trembled, which only seemed to make him more anxious. She spent a few moments creating her answer. “Do you have any sweets?” That was the only thing she could think of that the stand might serve. “Yes, I have a decent selection. Along with Inazuman classics, I’ve put my own twist on certain dishes. For example, I’m currently serving a rainbow dango that I’ve found to be quite popular.” Ei’s interest was piqued at “rainbow dango”. “I’ll take that, thank you very much”, she said as a realization dawned on her.
I don’t have any mora….
“I’m paying for the order today, so you can start her order whilst I decide.”
Ei let out a sigh of relief when Yae spoke. She let her shoulders relax a bit as Yae trailed her bright pink nail down the menu, attempting to decide on an order. After a minute or so, Yae had decided on a fried tofu dish. “Your orders will be out soon, thank you for stopping by!” Tomoki turned around to begin work as Ei smiled at him. “Why don’t we find somewhere to sit down while we wait hm?” Miko suggested in her sweet voice. “That would be nice”, Ei replied.
The pair didn’t have to walk far to find a nice wooden bench to use. “Ahhh, that feels nice, I’ve been on my feet all day”, Yae sighed in relief, leaning her head back against the wall behind the bench. Ei wished she could pay her more mind, but she was too focused on watching people walk by.
Are they looking at me?
Ei tried to force herself not to think about it, to just enjoy her time off instead of worrying. But she could feel her hands begin to go cold. Ei felt the burning eyes of the public stare into her soul, seeing past the facade she lived behind. She wanted to shrink, to disappear into her little world. The Plane that had shielded her from reality for so long.
I can’t go back…
Ei longed to be back in Tenshukaku, safe behind its walls and away from the public eye.
I just wanted to enjoy one moment…one moment in the sea of eternity that I’ve allowed myself.
Suddenly, she felt something warm run down her face and drip onto her hand. Oh… It had been a long time since Ei had felt this way. When was the last time she had cried? She hadn’t since…since…she died.
Died because you couldn’t preserve eternity…
“-i? Ei?”
Ei’s head snapped to where the voice came from. It was Miko, with a worried look on her face. “Oh, I’m sorry. I must have drifted off…”. Her statement was weak, and she knew it. “Are you alright?” Yae scooted closer to her, making Ei blush. “I-I don’t…”, she started, having to take a moment to recompose herself, “I don’t know”. Yae Miko hummed before reaching out to touch Ei’s cheek. “You were crying”, she said while wiping her tears off her face, “do you want to talk about it?” Ei took a breath, contemplating her words.
“I’m scared Miko.”
Yae tilted her head, which Ei thought was adorable, if she wasn’t worried. “Ah. What are you scared of?” Ei allowed Miko to put an arm around her, pulling her closer.
“The way…that people look at me. They seem so afraid. And I-I did this to them.”
Miko shifted slightly. “Is it about the Decree?”
Ei nodded. “Not just that….about me being gone for so long. I left them behind. I left you behind”, she shook her head and blinked away tears, “I don’t know how I can atone for that…” At that, Yae gave her a warm, comforting smile. She pulled Ei into an embrace, resting her hands on the archon’s back. “Well”, she said next to Ei’s ear, “I think that facing your mistakes is a good first start. Which you are doing right now are you not?” Ei contemplated what she had said. “Hm…I suppose. But is it enough?” Yae’s chuckle reverberated through her chest. “Maybe not, but you have many many years to change things.” Yae pulled back, positioning herself to face Ei. The fox envoy took her archon’s hands, rubbing her thumb across the back of Ei’s hand.
“You’re not alone in this, remember?”
Ei looked into Miko’s eyes. The deep purple welcoming her into sharing her deepest feelings.
“As long as you decide to stay, I will continue to serve by your side. For as long as you will have me.”
Ei almost started crying again at Miko’s sweet words, but she was able to hold her composure. “Thank you…I will stay. I’m not going to run away again, I promise.”
The smile Miko gave her was all the reassurance she needed.