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Hope knew it was stupid. She thought it would be easy seeing Josie again after their breakup, but it wasn’t. So she found the first boy she saw and flirted with him so he would come in the bar with her. And when she pushed the door, she kept him close, acting as if he was more than a friend. And well she felt those burning chocolate brown eyes on here, she knew she had made it look real enough.
Josie thought it would be easy seeing Hope in that dress, the one she had bought for her on her last birthday. But it was not easy. It was freaking hard. And when Hope entered the bar wrapped up in that stranger’s arms, she had to hold on to all bits of strength she had left not to fall apart. Not to fall apart again.
Hope shoot her ‘friend’ a soft smile, that Josie didn’t miss, and when the brunette turned around not to look at her anymore, Hope came up right there behind Josie and almost put her hand on the brunette’s lower arm, out of habit. It took everything in her not to look away and sigh in sadness when she smiled at Josie and saw how the brunette tensed because of her presence next to her. It was so painful to see for her.
“Hey, how ya been?” Hope still asked, just above a whisper, trying her best not to let any emotion show in her voice.
Josie’s heart fell like an anchor, hearing Hope apparently so unaffected by everything, not knowing that this simple question made Hope’s heart get lost in the ocean the auburn haired girl was drowning in since the breakup.
“I’m good,” Josie sighed. “What about you?”
Hope didn’t miss the way Josie’s eyes fell on the boy Hope had entered the bar with, and a part of her thought she saw jealousy cross Josie’s features for a split second.
“I’m alright,” Hope answered with a soft smile.
Josie hated that smile. She saw it as the ‘everything is fine and I’m over you’ kinda smile. The kind of smile she would’ve hoped never to see on Hope’s lips. Not after all they had been through together. Not after those seven months loving each other so deeply. But here she was, seeing it all. Or rather, imagining it all. How Hope fell for that guy Josie had never seen before, how the auburn haired girl made him her date for the night, how she dragged him here in the place Hope and her had first felt the slight swift and their relationship going from friends to a little more. God, it was so hard for her. And spending just a few more second close to Hope yet so freaking far, Josie couldn’t take it anymore. So she ran away.
It felt so natural, so needed for Hope to follow Josie out of the bar. She could tel the brunette wasn’t alright. And a part of her expected it to be because of her, because then it would mean Josie still love her, just the way Hope still loved Josie. Josie knew Hope followed her, she could feel her perfume all the way over her, and damn, she wondered why. Why did Hope have to do everything right and everything wrong at the same time? Josie sighed, walking a bit faster to keep her distance with auburn haired girl but Hope didn’t let her. Hope grabbed her wrist, gently, and Josie finally stopped. Anyway, she was trapped.
“Do you miss me?” the auburn haired girl asked in that low, confident voice that Josie used to love so much.
Josie closed her eyes, blinking back tears as those four words hit her hard. Why did Hope have to be so cruel? The brunette turned around, her jaw clenched. She looked over Hope’s waiting figure and after a moment, she found it in her to just answer her and throw all her feelings at Hope’s face. After all, that was what Hope was asking for, wasn’t it?
“After we broke up, I thought I’d be over us,” Josie admitted. “Told myself I’m better off not thinking of you at night and I’d be alright.”
Hope felt her heart sink with every word Josie pronounced, not missing the slight anger dancing in Josie’s perfect brown eyes. The brunette really wanted to forget about her, she really wanted to move on. And to know that hurt like hell.
“I thought I’d be dancing with someone tonight, then I’d forget those seven months and fall for another heart but I just…”
“You just what, Josie?” Hope asked, taking a step closer to the brunette.
Maybe it was Hope being selfish, or maybe it was her being in love, but she hoped Josie could and would tell her that she still loved her, that just like her she had been unable to forget about her and move on. Because Hope hadn’t been able to do it. She had tried but everything always sent her right back at Josie every time. And it was like after Josie she’d never be able to find love again because no one was ever gonna be just enough, so fucking enough like Josie was. Because no one was like Josie. And all Hope needed, more than she wanted, was Josie.
“I fell apart,” Josie finally admitted, tears now falling down her cheeks.
Hope couldn’t help the satisfied smile that escaped her lips then. Josie shoot her a look of disbelief and Hope took another step.
“I didn’t get over you, Jo,” she whispered as the brunette let herself be overtaken by her emotions. “I’ll never be able to.”
Hope wrapped her arms around Josie and the brunette burst out in tears, punching Hope’s chest, crying out some “I hate you”s. Hope closed her eyes, breathing in Josie’s hair sweet scent. She had missed it. And even if it was to last only for a few minutes before Josie realized she really hated her, Hope would enjoy every part of it. Because now, she was finally able to hold the brunette close, just like she had hoped to be able to do every day since their breakup.
After a moment, Josie had stopped crying. She had stopped punching Hope’s chest and was now only melting in her ex’s embrace. Yet, it all felt too bittersweet to her.
“You know we can’t get back together, right?” she asked in a whisper, her voice breaking.
Hope closed her eyes, hoping no tear would fall. She nodded slowly.
“I know,” she said, voice as broken as Josie’s. “You hate me.”
And it was right. Josie hated Hope for the way the auburn haired girl had treated her, for the way she had ended things. Yet, she still loved her. So much. That was one more reason why they couldn’t be together again.
“I’m sorry,” Hope sighed. “I love you, Jo. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.”
“It’s okay,” Josie whispered, walking back to get off of Hope’s embrace. “Goodbye, Hope.”
The brunette turned around and starting walking, leaving Hope all alone with her regrets.
“Goodbye…”