A time and a place

Sunggyu rolls his eyes. Saerom is not the artsy type. But she is ambitious, and she knows how to keep her boss happy. It is a gift really; she could get along with a brick wall if it meant she would gain something.

“Seriously, an art exhibition?”

“Look, all you need to do is look around, drink some fancy wine, and stare admiringly at some of the paintings,” Saerom ties her hair up in a bun, as is her nightly ritual. “Not all of them though, some of them. You don’t want to seem too easily impressed.”

“Right,” he sighs, chewing on the end of his pen. “Do I need to wear a suit?”

She raises her eyebrows. “Did you really just ask me that?”

By now, Sunggyu knows that Saerom’s boss is a suit-and-tie kind of guy.

“I feel so stuffy in a suit,” he complains.

“Honey,” Saerom plants a kiss on his lips. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

“This sucks,” he tells her under his breath.

“Drink your way through it.” Saerom pushes a glass of wine into his hand from a passing waiter. As expected, he feels like he will suffocate in the stiff suit and tie. A tie is not too far from a noose, if you think about it. There’s painfully bright light from every direction that hurts his eyes. Too many overdressed people. This is not his scene.

“You’re not helping my drinking habit,” he jokes, giving her a dark look.

Saerom looks gorgeous in a black dress; she is in her element. Her hair looks shinier than usual and her cheeks are permanently red.

“Ah Sunggyu, glad you could make it,” Mr Choi, her boss slaps him on the back like an old friend. He is a middle-aged man, a bit too jovial for his taste. But he made himself a million-dollar business from scratch, so he respects that. And he is Saerom’s hero.

“Thanks for inviting us, Mr Choi. This is…great,” he tries to squeeze some enthusiasm into his voice.

“Isn’t it stunning? Haewon is really a fantastic artist!”

“Absolutely, I can’t take my eyes of these paintings, especially the one with the city skyline,” Saerom says. If Sunggyu didn’t know her, he would think she meant every word she said.

“Ah yes, that’s my favourite too,” Mr Choi booms, “it’s marvellous isn’t it? Oh there she is, Haewon come here.”

Haewon isn’t what Sunggyu was expecting her to be. He just didn’t imagine artists to be well-groomed individuals. But Haewon is incredibly well put together and she has a lovely smile. They are introduced and they exchange pleasantries. She is humble and blushes when Mr Choi compliments her. Saerom of course joins in.

“Yes, and Sunggyu loves them too,” Saerom adds, discreetly elbowing him.

“Oh yeah…they’re great.”

“Which one’s your favourite?” she asks expectantly.

“Umm…well, you know what, I can’t decide.”

A few more people join the group, and the conversation continues. It helps Sunggyu to stay silent. He just laughs a few times at appropriate moments and sips his drink. He is barely paying attention to any of the conversation.

“We need to buy a painting,” Saerom whispers to him at one point.

“Seriously, all this to impress your boss?”

“Please. Look around, pick something you like.”

Sunggyu blinks at her. “Which one?”

“Whichever. Actually, get the one with the city skyline.”

Gladly slipping away from the group, he goes on a hunt for the painting with the city skyline, which proves to be harder than he expected because a lot of them have skylines and he has no idea which one Saerom meant.

He moves from wall to wall, checking out the paintings until he comes across one that catches his attention. It’s the painting of a man, gazing at the sea, or maybe at the skyline where the blue sky meets the green waters. The man is facing away, so he can’t quite see his face. But there is something very familiar about his side profile, the curve of his shoulders.

“Do you like it?”

He jumps. He hasn’t noticed that Haewon had joined him. “Yeah,” he clears his throat, “it’s…the sky is beautiful.”

“My boyfriend modelled for it.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah, we were vacationing in Boracay…”

“Boracay…” Something awakens within him, something that had been dormant all this time. It’s small, like a flicker, but it upsets his internal balance. He feels dizzy.

“He loves the sea. He loves beaches.”

“I-I like it. I want to buy it.” He is not sure where that thought had come from, but he is sticking to it.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it reminds me of…” It only takes him a moment to realise what it reminds him of with a jolt down his spine. He is instantly overcome with two emotions – a crushing realization, with associated memories, spreading across his body down to the tips of his fingers, and the urge to suppress it, shut everything down as if he’s dealing with a virus. “A-a time when-it’s nostalgic...”

He isn’t sure if Haewon notices how his voice has changed or how still he is. Even if she does, she doesn’t comment on it.

“Oh, thank you! I’ll get you a sticker and a form to fill in,” she says sweetly, before leaving him there, in front of the painting, face to face with the judge and the jury.

He has never been to Boracay. But he has seen pictures of the beach many times, many many times. And every time, it had been a promise. A promise that broke like every little beautiful thing he had once had.

“Someone just bought the painting you had sat for.”

Woohyun looks up at Haewon with a smile. “Really? Who’s that? Is it a pretty girl?” he teases her.

She nudges him. “If it was, I wouldn’t have sold it,” she says, mock anger in her voice. “No, it’s that gentleman over there, he came with his girlfriend. I think she works for my sponsor.”

Woohyun straightens up and cranes his neck to check in the direction that Haewon pointed but all he sees are lots of bodies, in suits and dresses and jackets – he could be any of them. The most important thing is Haewon looks excited about making a sale – someone who appreciates her art as much as he does is a green flag in his head.

Collecting the form and the sticker, she is about to make her way when a friend of hers comes up to her. “Can you take the form and the sticker to him?” she whispers to Woohyun, handing him the items.

“Of course.”

He knows where the painting she is talking about is hanging. He had helped her set up the exhibition. He remembers sitting for the painting, on the beach at Boracay. He hadn’t minded sitting still for hours – the scenery was so beautiful. In fact, it had always been his dream to sit on the beach and watch the sunset. It was extra special because Haewon was there.

As he approaches the painting, he realizes that there is only one person standing in front of it, studying it carefully.

Clearing his throat, he approaches him, and when he is about two feet away, he feels a strange sensation washing over him.

The back looks familiar. Familiar in a foreboding way. The hairs on his neck stand up. Hoping, praying that he is wrong, he quietly comes to stand beside the man in his expensive suit. He is so engrossed in the painting that he doesn’t notice. And when they are standing shoulder to shoulder, even without looking at his face properly, Woohyun recognizes him.

They haven’t seen each other for ten years, but God, he would recognize him anywhere. From his back, from the angle of his nose, from his silhouette, his eyelashes.

“I didn’t know you liked art.”

The man startles visibly, and turns his head to look at him, his mouth falling open as his eyes light up with recognition.

It takes him everything to not look at him, even though he can see plenty in his peripheral vision. He looks just the same.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to buy this,” he is trying very hard to keep his voice even. “I’ll tell Haewon you changed your mind.” He turns around to leave.

“Wait!” Sunggyu finally speaks.

Grinding his teeth, he says, “Yes?”

“Are we…can we not even greet each other?”

Woohyun wants to scoff but instead he bows, mockingly.

“Hello, have you been well?” he says derisively.

“You don’t have to be so sarcastic.”

Woohyun swivels around, facing him squarely. He was wrong. Sunggyu doesn’t look exactly the same. He can see signs of age in the creases around his eyes, the lines around his nose. It’s reassuring in a way - a sign that considerable amount of time has passed, and no one is the same person they used to be. Therefore, there is no reason to feel the rolling waves in his stomach, like he is on a ship in a turbulent sea. It’s a thing of the past.

“You’re right.” Their eyes meet and it feels odd. For a moment, the earth under his feet disappears and he feels that he is being pulled down with extreme force. “As usual,” he adds before he can stop himself. He wishes he didn’t sound so bitter. He doesn’t want to give Sunggyu the satisfaction. “But, we don’t have anything to talk about.”

Sunggyu looks like he has just been slapped. His ears burn red and his eyes look a mixture of guilt, fear, and apology.

“Anyway, goodbye.”

“Wait…the painting. I still want to buy it.”

“You can’t.”

Sunggyu holds his hand out. “That’s not up to you to decide, Haewon-ssi said I could buy it.”

Woohyun is astounded by his gall. But Sunggyu has always been stubborn; that was one thing they had in common. But in order to cut this interaction short, he slaps the form and the sticker in his hand, before turning on his heel and walking away.

In a million years, he couldn’t have predicted that this evening would go like this. Has he not dreamt of reunions? He has, many times over. At a wedding, at a funeral, on the bus, on the subway, on a plane. That was towards the beginning. After not running into each other for years, he had stopped plotting candid rendezvous.

But the night falls when it is least expected.

When Saerom asks him what painting he has bought, he smiles awkwardly and tells her it’s a surprise. The rest of the evening had been incredibly tough for him, keeping up appearances. Saerom had asked multiple times if he was okay, and he had blamed it on the wine. Thankfully, she had agreed to go home early. When he had gone to hand in the form, Haewon had told him that the painting would be delivered within 3 days.

“So you met my boyfriend,” she had said, “the man in the painting.”

“The man in the painting,” he had repeated. It sounded foreign on his lips. “Putting a face to the back.”

“Exactly!” she had laughed.

Funnily enough, he had already put a face to that painting, long before Woohyun had come along.

It had shaken him, running into Woohyun after all these years. He is the same, nothing’s changed. Well, that’s not entirely true. He wears glasses now. The playful shine in his eyes was gone. The way his lips lifted in a smile every time he saw him was gone. Was he a whole new person? Or was he just missing a piece?

He has wondered before, what he would do if they ran into each other. But every time he had thought of it, his mind had gone blank. So he had shelved all of it; every time the thought had tried to raise its head, he had pushed it down, deep into his subconscious. Maybe that’s the reason why he sometimes wakes up with tears in his eyes that he can’t explain.

Now, he doesn’t know what to do with this. His first instinct should have been to steer clear of anything that has to do with Nam Woohyun. But…it’s not as easy as he had imagined.

He is distracted at work too. He gives up writing the article he is working on after more than half of the page is underlined with red on his computer and he is tired of fixing every typo. As he is contemplating whether to go for a walk to clear his head, his phone rings. It’s an unknown number – his stomach flips. With a trembling hand, he connects the call.

He is not sure who he was expecting but he calms down when he realizes it’s Haewon.

“Sorry,” she says, “I have to cancel the sale of the painting.”

“Why? Anything wrong with the payment? I can pay cash if the card didn’t go through...”

“No, no, no,” she says emphatically, “it’s not a problem on your end, I promise. Would you like to take a look at the other paintings? Or shall I refund you the money?”

His heart drops. “I don’t understand…what is it?”

She sighs. “Actually, my boyfriend’s being weird all of a sudden, he doesn’t want it to be sold. He was fine before but…”

“Oh.” He hadn’t expected Woohyun to go to this extent. Has he told her about…them? He probably hasn’t; after all, he is his dirty secret.

“I’m sorry, it’s not personal; he probably just thinks it’s strange that his picture would hang on a stranger’s wall…”

“A stranger…” his voice quivers. How long does it take for a soulmate to become a stranger? A year? Five years? Longer? Whatever it is, they have obviously crossed that time.

“Sorry?”

“No, it’s okay, I understand. I-I’ll stop by and pick something else.”

“Brilliant! The gallery is open till 6pm. And sorry again.”

“It’s not your fault.” If anything, it’s his.

A quick LinkedIn search tells him that Woohyun is a lecturer at Korea University, his alma mater. He is surprised, to say the least. Woohyun majored in Economics but he had never pictured him as a serious professor. Apparently, he had done his Masters and PhD from Stanford. So he had been away from Korea for 5 years; which had further diminished their chances of running into each other.

Sunggyu had actively avoided all university reunions. He had a group of close friends from his class that he still kept in touch with, and they knew better than to talk about Woohyun in front of him. They weren’t completely aware of what exactly the relationship between the two had been, but they had known enough to guess and enough not to ask.

He comes to a decision. Woohyun may be stubborn, but he isn’t lacking in that department either. Grabbing his coat, he pokes his head in the editor-in-chief’s room and tells him that he is going out for lunch.

“Say hi to Saerom from me,” Jongwan says. He has worked with Jongwan since the beginning, as a rookie entertainment reporter. He has been a father figure to him over the years and has even met everyone in his family.

“Umm…yeah, I will.” He is not sure why he doesn’t tell him that he’s not going to lunch with Saerom. It doesn’t matter anyway.

It doesn’t take him long to find the faculty building. It’s the same as before, peeling paint and cobwebs. One of the students points him towards the Economics lecturers’ offices. Each door has a board announcing the name and the accomplishments of their occupiers.

He stops in front of:

Professor Nam Woohyun

Head of Department of Economics

BSc (Hons), Msc (Distinction), PhD (USA)

Woohyun was always brilliant but he is still surprised to see that he’s already the head of the department; he’s sure that he is more than qualified but seniority is everything, especially when it comes to academics.

Taking a deep breath, he knocks on the door. He doesn’t hear anything, but the door is thrown open by a man he has never seen before.

“Er…I’m looking for Professor Nam Woohyun…”

“Ah yes, the Prof is in class.”

“Oh…” He has been too worked up to realise this was always a possibility. “When does he get off?”

The man blinks. “I’m sorry, are you a student?”

Sunggyu would have been flattered but the man says it in such a disbelieving voice, that he is almost affronted.

“No, I-I’m a friend.”

“Ah, come on in, I’ll check his schedule for you.”

“And you are…”

“I’m Lee Hyunwoo, Prof’s teaching assistant.”

“Oh, I see.”

He is led into the spacious office. The first thing he notices is a painting, most probably Haewon’s, on the wall. The room is tastefully decorated, with one large desk which must be Woohyun’s and a smaller one, messier, teeming with papers stacked haphazardly, which Hyunwoo walks over to.

“It looks like he’ll be done in about 20 minutes. You want to wait here?” Hyunwoo waves over to the two chairs facing Woohyun’s desk. “I can get you coffee.”

“That’s okay, thanks.” He is about to leave when the TA says, “The Prof never mentioned any friends. Do you live abroad or something?”

“Something like that…” he mutters.

“Well, he’s brilliant!” Hyunwoo obviously likes to talk. “Youngest head of the department, you know.”

“Yeah,” he nods, “I was surprised.”

“I mean, Prof Choi had to retire early, you know, the controversy.” Hyunwoo gives him a dark look. “But they picked him fair and square.”

That stirs a memory, a passing conversation he may have overheard at the office. The controversary about rogue admissions where some of the professors had taken bribes from the students’ parents.

“Thanks, nice to meet you.”

“Who should I say came looking for him?” Hyunwoo asks when he is halfway out of the door.

“It’s fine, I’ll come…find him later.”

His stomach rumbling, Sunggyu makes his way to the library. It’s close to the faculty building and has a wonderful little corner under the eaves, which used to be where he and Woohyun hung out. Not many people walked through here and even if it was raining, they would be protected from the rain. There is a low parapet wall they could sit on, dangling their legs, and watch the sky.

They weren’t exactly the dreamy campus couple. They let people draw their own conclusions, never denying or confirming their exact relationship. So, most of the time, they liked hanging out away from other people. They had a few spots littered around the campus, little pockets of happiness tucked away within hundreds of years of history.

Nostalgia etched within every brick.

He sighs, as a group of students clamour past him. The spot is obviously not as well hidden as before.

“It’s not as quiet as it used to be.”

He turns around so quickly that his neck cricks.

“Woohyun…how did you-”

He shrugs. “We meet after ten years yesterday and today my TA tells me that an old friend of mine has come looking for me – it’s not rocket science.”

Tactfully, he doesn’t ask the next question about how he knew he would be here. After all these years, he must still be predictable.

“What are you doing here?”

“Your girlfriend called me.”

Folding his arms across his chest, Woohyun stares at him in silence. Uncomfortable under the intense gaze, he continues. “She said you don’t want me to have the painting.”

“I said I don’t want it to be sold.”

“It’s not yours to decide.” Sunggyu doesn’t know what angle he is playing here but several inextricable emotions are gushing up like a hot flash and the only way out is through the words he speaks.

Woohyun’s face hardens. “It’s up to Haewon and I believe she’s already told you what she wants to do.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Life hardly is.” Woohyun turns his back on him.

In order to stop him from walking away, he shouts, “Prove it. Prove that the past doesn’t bother you. Because if it doesn’t, then you shouldn’t have any problem with me having the painting.”

It’s provocation of the highest degree and he feels a bit bad, like taking a cheap shot. But he is not exactly thinking with his forebrain here.

“Fine,” Woohyun says through gritted teeth. “Take the painting. What will you do, hang it over your bed, where you and your girlfriend sleep?”

“I’m sorry,” he suddenly says, as his front collapses. Watching Woohyun angry, like he has never seen before, shrinks everything within him. “I don’t know what came over me, I acted rashly.”

Woohyun blinks, before relaxing his shoulders. “I’m sorry too, we-we should be able to be civil with each other.”

Sunggyu nods. A few moments pass as they let the jarring feelings disperse. “Congratulations,” he finally says, “youngest head of the department, I hear.”

“Hyunwoo talks too much,” Woohyun mumbles. “But it’s only because Professor Choi retired early.”

“Ah yes, I heard about that. I’m actually writing an article about it, the admissions scandal.” As an investigative reporter, Sunggyu has lied before. Not dangerous lies, just little white lies. This current lie has no consequence. So he forgives himself for it immediately.

“Really? Don’t you usually write about corporate embezzlement and whistleblowing?” He retracts immediately, looking sheepish. It means Woohyun had read his articles before.

“This is a new project,” he says, pretending he hasn’t picked up on the slip. “I’ll be around the university, you know, investigating. Do you think you’ll be up for some interviews? No names, of course.”

Woohyun looks uncomfortable, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Looking away, he says, “I would rather not. It’s already very bad for our department and the university and-”

“It’s about the truth,” Sunggyu says quickly. He knows Woohyun has strong morals, another thing they have in common. “People should know the truth. And like I said, I won’t name anyone in the article-”

“I really don’t know much about this…”

“You never know what’s important,” he says emphatically. He has had lots of experiences persuading people to talk to him. “But the more puzzle pieces I have, the easier it is for me to put everything together.”

He watches him considering it, chewing on his bottom lip. Sunggyu used to tell him off for doing that. Sometimes he would run his finger across the cracks of his lips and sometimes he would lean forward and-

“Fine,” Woohyun agrees. “Send me the questions via email, I will write whatever I can.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Sorry?”

“It has to be a dynamic interview, face to face.”

Woohyun’s eyelashes tremble. Sighing defeatedly, he says, “When?”

“Tomorrow?” he asks hopefully. “I can make any time.” Jongwan would kill him if he missed the daily staff debrief but some things are more important than being dead.

“Morning, 11am,” Woohyun says. “You get one hour, exactly.”

“Thank you!” Sunggyu feels accomplished, getting an interview for an article he most definitely isn’t writing. For a moment, he ponders what he is doing. But overthinking never serves him well.

So he follows his instincts.

When he returns to the office, he asks Jongwan about the admissions scandal story.

“Who’s handling it?”

“Oh, that’s Sora. Why?”

“I can help her,” he shrugs.

“Help her?” Jongwan peers at him over his heavy glasses. “Why the sudden interest in an admission scandal?”

“It’s my alma mater, you know.”

“So? You’re working on the employment fraud at Ihwa Corporation, which is a much bigger fish-”

“It’s slow,” Sunggyu explains. “I can take some time to help out, you know, mentor her.”

“If I didn’t know you are in a serious relationship, I’d say you were trying to hit on her but…”

“Never!” Sunggyu protests. “Hyung, have I ever hit on anyone at work?” He pulls his chair closer. “Look, I know people there. I can put her in touch, and they will be more comfortable talking to a familiar face.”

Shaking his head, Jongwan says, “Fine. I don’t know what you’re up to, but this doesn’t mean you can ignore your own assignment.”

“Promise, I won’t.” Sunggyu jumps to his feet.

Whistling, he walks over to Sora’s desk where he gives her the good news about helping her out with her story. She looks so relieved to hear that that he feels less bad about lying to Jongwan about why he wanted to help. Sora is not exactly new but she has never worked on a story this big before and therefore, was struggling.

“I’ll take a look at what you have so far,” he says sweetly, taking the files that she was eagerly pressing into his arms. “Tomorrow, I’m going to talk to one of the lecturers and if I get any good leads, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, sunbaenim,” she says gratefully. “I don’t know how you do it.”

Feeling sorry for her, he buys her a coffee and gives her some advice and reassurance. “We all started off like that,” he says.

“Thanks,” she smiles a little. “The lecturer you’re talking to, you know him well?”

He returns the smile. “Maybe.”

What he doesn’t say is, at one point, he had known him better than himself.

Sunggyu’s questions are sharp, but he doesn’t push him for answers. When he is uncomfortable, he changes the question. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting. Sunggyu has made a name for himself as an investigative journalist – he had somehow hoped that he would be much more ruthless in his interviewing. In that way, he wouldn’t be reminded of the man he had known very well at one point.

It feels bizarre, sitting across from each other, in his office, sipping on the coffee Hyunwoo had brought them before he left. Among all the reunion scenarios he had once played in his head, this hadn’t been one.

But at least this way, he knows what Sunggyu wants from him. It’s a clear-cut relationship – Sunggyu wants his story and Woohyun wants to speak his truth. They had nothing to lose, and not an inch more to gain that what was agreed upon. It suits him.

The alarm he had set on his phone sets off, indicating the end of the interview.

“Thanks,” Sunggyu stops the voice recorder. “This is really helpful. I may have some follow-up questions…”

“Really?” Woohyun frowns. “I told you everything I know.”

“Well, like I said, it’s not about what you think you know. It’s about drawing out relevant pieces.” Pocketing the recorder, he says, “Can I have your number?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, if I have follow-up questions, how do I contact you?”

“Email me.”

“Some of these questions may be asked over text and call and that would save you another face-to-face meeting.” Sunggyu makes an excellent point.

After they have exchanged numbers, Sunggyu stands up to leave. On his way out, he seems to decide something and turns around. “Do you want to have lunch?”

“What?”

“It’s my way of thanking people who give me their time so…”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

Sunggyu looks like he is thinking what to say next.

“Honestly, it’s fine.” He waves him off.

Nodding, he leaves. Woohyun knows he should go back to work but instead, he scratches a spot of dirt on his laptop, over and over again, feeling his insides undulate. He has just had a conversation with Sunggyu for a whole hour, a normal conversation, where they didn’t bring up anything from their past. It felt strange, like he had been talking to someone else. Someone, who looked exactly like Sunggyu and had his voice and had the same lisp and the exact inflections…Maybe it would be easier to think of him as a different person, not the Sunggyu he knew intricately for a whole year.

It’s lunchtime and since Hyunwoo has still not returned, he decides to go out and eat alone. Bundling up in his coat, he opens the door, only to find Sunggyu standing there against the wall with a sheepish look.

“What…what are you still doing here?”

“I figured you’d have to eat lunch at some point.”

“So you just…stood here?”

He shrugs.

Shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it, he starts walking along the corridor, Sunggyu accompanying him.

“How did you know I would go out for lunch?” he asks, annoyed.

“Hyunwoo-ssi told me.”

Hyunwoo really likes to talk too much. He worries that someday he would give away his bank details to a complete stranger.

They walk across the courtyard in silence, until Sunggyu decides to break it.

“You know that restaurant that had the best squid? What was it called again…Ojik or something?”

“It’s still there, but they don’t do the stir-fried squid anymore.”

“That’s what I always ordered, it’s a shame.”

Woohyun leads them to the restaurant Sunggyu is talking about. It’s within the campus and popular with the students, especially during lunchtime. They would probably have to wait a long time for their meal.

Thankfully, the owner was there, and she beams when she sees Woohyun. She finds him a table for two in a corner.

“This is probably the closest to what you used to like,” he points out a dish on the menu.

“It hasn’t changed much in all these years,” Sunggyu comments. Places rarely do, in his experience. People change though. And you can see their influence on places.

Their conversation is careful, hesitant. They can’t talk about the scandal out here in the open. And anything else they have to say to each other is wrought in so much bitter history that they were both probably hoping to avoid. They talk about people they used to know, teachers, classmates, restaurants, and…themselves.

Woohyun is wary; a lot of the personal questions Sunggyu might ask can be answered by, ‘”Because of you,”. So he holds back, and answers curtly.

But every familiar thing they shared is like a splash of icy water on his face. Thankfully, Sunggyu finishes eating quickly and he almost jumps to his feet, ready to leave. He doesn’t wait for him to finish paying the bill. But just as he is about to exit the restaurant, one of his students halts his progress.

“Professor, could I please have an extension for the essay?” he says pitifully. “Please, just one more day, please?”

“Junho, I told you before I don’t give extensions.”

“Please Professor! My grandmother broke her hip and I had to go and see her, please, just 24 hours.”

“Junho-”

“Sure,” Sunggyu says.

Woohyun stares at the man, who has just returned from paying the bill. “Hang on, you can’t-”

“Thank you, thank you so much, Professor!” Junho says excitedly, grabbing his hand between his in gratitude. “I promise you, it won’t happen again!” He runs away before Woohyun can say anything else.

“Why are you authorizing extensions to my students?” he rounds on Sunggyu, frowning.

“I felt bad for him,” he says defensively. “Remember, I gave you an extension when your grandmother broke her hip?”

Woohyun balks. That is too close to memories he wants to avoid.

“How is she, by the way?” Sunggyu asks softly, as they make their way back.

“She died a year ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, she used to say she had lived a life without regrets.”

“How is that possible?”

“What?” He looks at Sunggyu, who’s staring in the distance.

“How can someone live without regrets?”

“I don’t know,” he whispers, “if I did, I would have.”

“Thanks for your hard work, Hyunwoo,” Woohyun says. “You’ve got your half of the papers to grade, right?”

His TA nods. “Prof, can I ask…what’s the deal with your friend?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he doesn’t seem like a very close friend. But he keeps asking all these questions about you…”

“What did he ask you?”

“Well, just your day to day, I suppose. When you come to work, when you leave, when you have lunch, mundane stuff.”

This makes no sense. Sunggyu is working on his story and he has told him everything he knows. He has his number even, if he wants to ask follow-up questions. Why is he asking his TA about his daily routine?

“He’s not stalking you, is he?” Hyunwoo asks, leaning in conspiratorially.

“I doubt it,” he replies. He wonders if Sunggyu suspects him of having anything to do with the rogue admissions. Or maybe it’s just a reporter thing, sniffing around everywhere, and collecting seemingly unrelated information. “See you tomorrow.”

“You’re leaving?”

He has only made across the courtyard when he sees Sunggyu.

“Yes. What are you still doing here?”

“I was interviewing a few people,” he pockets his voice recorder. “Are you walking that way?”

“No, sorry.” He hurries off in the other direction, only to realise that Sunggyu is still following him, a few steps behind. What exactly does he want from him?

He walks faster. Sunggyu was never a fan of exercise so he hopes that he wouldn’t be able to keep up his pace. Sadly, when he reaches the bus stop, the bus is not there yet and it gives Sunggyu enough time to catch up. Breathing heavily, he says, “Wow, you walk fast.”

“Why exactly are you following me?”

“I-wasn’t-following-you,” he pants, bending over with his hands on his knees. He feels a bit bad now. “I want to catch the bus.”

Shaking his head, he looks away. But he can still hear his troubled breaths. Reluctantly, he takes out his water bottle from his bag and offers it to him.

Accepting it gladly, he gulps the water down.

When the bus arrives, they both get on. It’s crowded, so they stand, a bit too close to each other for comfort. Woohyun has his back to him. But he can smell his perfume; it smells expensive, not the cheap aftershave he used to use before. After a couple of stops, the crowd starts to thin and Sunggyu manages to snag two empty seats. He pats the seat next to him urgently; Woohyun sits down beside him resignedly. It’s been a long day and even though the emotional exhaustion has been a lot more than physical exhaustion, he doesn’t have the energy for anything anymore.

“You can sleep if you want,” Sunggyu says. “I’ll wake you up.”

“How do you know which stop I’m getting off at?”

“Oh, yeah…” he scratches his head, “I mean if you tell me when to wake you up…”

“You’re not stalking me, are you?”

“What?” Sunggyu looks flustered. “Why would I stalk you?”

“Forget it, it was Hyunwoo’s idea.”

He looks down. Sunggyu’s hand is on his lap, pale, inviting. There was a time when Woohyun would have grabbed his hand and put it in his pocket. It would be their way of holding hands in public without standing out too much.

It feels like another life.

Sunggyu checks his watch and picks up his pace. It’s a bit after 6, he hopes he is not too late. Thankfully, when he crosses the road, he sees Woohyun walking towards him. When he spots him, his eyebrows rise.

“What are you doing here?”

“Working,” he says. “I was working, now I’m going home.”

“Taking the bus?”

“Yes.”

Woohyun groans.

He follows a couple of steps behind Woohyun. Luckily, today, he doesn’t speed up, so when they reach the bus stop, his breathing is even.

Sora was delighted when he had presented her with the interview. He had also reassured her that he would continue to help her on her project.

Thrown into the crowded bus together, they have to stand close to each other, closer than he had ever thought it was possible for them to be ever again. Woohyun still wears the same perfume he used to wear back then, the same woody smell that used to fill his nostril when he used to lean into the crook of his neck. There was a time when that was enough to make him fall apart. Woohyun had his way of unravelling him completely and then putting him back into a cocoon.

But that was then, and this is now. Even in this packed bus, they are actually standing the farthest apart they could, two ends of a string stretched apart.

The next day, Woohyun doesn’t look surprised when he sees him. They walk side by side to the bus stop. Woohyun asks how his article is going and Sunggyu tells him some of the things he has found out.

It’s still not a completely normal conversation, but it flows easier than their previous ones.

"You want to come and help me pick out a painting from Haewon's collection?"

"What?"

"I told her I'll buy something else instead of getting a refund."

Woohyun rolls his eyes.

"Unless you have changed your mind..."

"Just get your money back."

"Why?"

"Because you don't know how to appreciate art."

"I appreciated the painting I chose."

"That's nostalgia," Woohyun says firmly. There is a look in his eye that tells him that the younger doesn't want to talk about this anymore. So he changes the subject.

“I’m thinking of watching Excalibur,” he says. “It’s been a while I have seen a show, Saerom doesn’t like musicals.”

When Woohyun doesn’t say anything, he asks if he has seen any recently.

“No,” he says curtly.

“How come? You love musicals!” They had spent so much money on musicals – more than half their dates consisted of going to watch a show. It put Woohyun in a really good mood and he would sing the songs all night, even in the shower the next day.

“Yeah, well,” Woohyun straightens his glasses, looking away, “I used to love a lot of things back then that I don’t necessarily love now.”

“Yeah...I hear you.” And he does, loud and clear.

“Sunggyu, how is your article coming along?” Jongwan asks.

“Great,” he says, swallowing back the guilt. He hasn’t really worked on it the past week. It’s not like he has been procrastinating; he has been helping Sora with her article. Yes, that primarily involved going to the university, looking through their records, interviewing people, grabbing lunch with Woohyun to ask follow-up questions. Returning home on the same bus is just a matter of convenience.

“Really?” Jongwan wags a finger at him. “Then why are all your expenses incurred at and around Korea University for the past week?”

“Because I’m helping Sora with her article, remember?” He tries to look busy, shuffling the papers on his desk with purpose.

Jongwan places his hands on his hips. “Are you helping her, or writing her article for her?”

“Come on, don’t be so harsh. You remember what it’s like to be a rookie.”

“She’s not a rookie.”

“She’s not done something this big before.”

“She should have told me then, that it’s too much for her-”

“It’s okay.” Checking the time, he gets out of his chair. Patting Jongwan on the shoulder reassuringly, he says, “I’m looking after her. She needs to learn.”

“I’m gonna tell Saerom if you keep this up,” Jongwan warns as he steps out of his office.

“I’m not flirting with her,” he shouts back, quickening his pace. It’s raining today, the roads will be crowded.

He can’t pinpoint the reason for the extra spring in his step, or why he hums a song on his way down the stairs. It could be because the admissions article is coming along really well. Or it could be the weather – the windy, rainy, gloomy weather.

Woohyun’s umbrella is losing the battle with the wind and the rain when he steps out. He will be drenched by the time he reaches the bus stop. Sighing, he takes a morose step.

“You’ll be wet by the time you get to the bus stop.” He is not sure how Sunggyu seems to appear at the exact moment when he is leaving. It’s almost as if he waits for him at the right time.

“I don’t have an option,” Woohyun says. “Taxis will be really busy.”

“I can give you a lift, I brought my car.”

Woohyun wants to decline but he knows that’s not practical.

“Fine,” he says begrudgingly.

He follows him to the parking lot. The car Sunggyu points to is a brand-new Mercedes S class.

“Nice car,” he says, getting into the passenger seat. Sunggyu is good at his job, but he hadn’t known journalism pays that well.

“It’s not mine,” Sunggyu says hastily. When he raises an eyebrow, he explains, “I mean, I didn’t buy it. It was a present, from Saerom’s dad.”

“Oh.”

Sunggyu had never met his parents. He hadn’t met Sunggyu’s parents. It’s funny because in that moment in time, he had believed that Sunggyu was his forever. But the signs had been there.

“Tell me your address.”

The drive is slow, the roads are packed with cars and buses, driving cautiously in the torrential downpour.

One of these rainy days, he had been fooling around, trying to get Sunggyu wet. They had both ended up drenched, to Sunggyu’s extreme displeasure. Woohyun got very sick afterwards, a rattly chest infection with high fevers that he hadn’t wanted to worry his parents with. Sunggyu had made him move in with him, and quite literally, nursed him to health, even though from time to time, he would remind him how he had forbidden him to get wet in the rain. Every time he started nagging, Woohyun would kiss him to shut him up. It worked about half the times. That’s how much the older liked having the last word.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Woohyun is jerked awake from the fantasy. It’s weird, he’s not thought about it for a very long time.

He had frozen their memories in time, but the reappearance of Sunggyu has started to melt it. He had tried his best, surrounding them with so much ice that they would be impossible to get to. But once it’s melted, it’s a flood, and he can barely swim.

Where are you?

He can’t remember the last time he has seen a text from Sunggyu on his phone. His heart goes into a little inexplicable flutter.

And this is exactly why he hasn’t left on time today. He has a theory that Sunggyu waits for him to get off. He has been driving him home the last few days, always present and accounted for when it’s time for him to leave. That’s why, he has decided to wait today.

He decides not to reply. Surely, he would get the message and leave.

Apparently not, because after a few more unanswered messages and missed calls, his door is thrown open and Sunggyu is standing in the doorway, panting.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“I thought-I thought something happened! You weren’t answering your phone, you were late by an hour…”

“I’m working late,” he says.

“Oh, okay.” Instead of leaving, Sunggyu invites himself in and takes up Hyunwoo’s chair behind his desk.

“What-and what’s going on now?” he asks, perplexed.

“I’ll wait for you,” he replies nonchalantly, taking his laptop out of his bag and making himself comfortable.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know.”

“It’s not a request, just go home.”

Cocking his head to one side, he says, “I can drive you back, it’s a win-win for both of us.”

“How is it a win for you?” he asks tartly.

“I get to ask you more follow-up questions.”

“Your follow-up questions dried up about 2 weeks ago,” he snaps. He has noticed that but hasn’t said anything. At first, he had given him the benefit of the doubt, but it had become painfully clear that his questions were inconsequential.

“I might come up with more.”

Sunggyu used to be in the debate club, which was very inconvenient for him because he had never won an argument with him. Any arguments with him are excessively draining.

Deciding to conserve his energy, he returns to his work, grading the assignments his students had turned in.

After a couple of hours during which Sunggyu types on his laptop and Woohyun reads through the papers, he asks, “How long are you going to stay here?”

“As long as it takes,” Sunggyu replies easily, without looking up from his laptop.

“As long as it takes for what?”

“For you to finish.”

“Are you serious?” he asks incredulously. His stubbornness is starting to irritate him.

“Yeah, besides I am working so it’s not like I’m missing out on anything.”

“You’re so stubborn,” he mutters.

“Was that an introspective comment?” Sunggyu chuckles.

Before he can reply, his phone rings.

“Why aren’t you back yet?” Haewon asks urgently. He never stays out this late and he has actually forgotten to text her to let her know, distracted by Sunggyu’s antics.

“Sorry, I had some paperwork to finish. I’m leaving now,” he says apologetically.

“It’s late, be careful.”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

“Right,” he says, after hanging up. “You may still be a child, but I’ve grown up, so I’m done with this game. I’m leaving now.”

“Me too.” Sunggyu gets to his feet, shutting down his laptop.

“You’re ridiculous!”

Sunggyu smiles. “No one’s called me that in a long time.”

“You are.”

“I’ve got tickets,” Sunggyu says, eyes on the road, but he is dying to see Woohyun’s reaction.

“Tickets for what?”

“Excalibur, matinee.”

“Good for you.”

“I’ve got tickets,” he repeats. “Plural. One for me, and then there’s another one.”

“Take your girlfriend,” Woohyun says flatly.

“She doesn’t like musicals.”

“Take a friend, a colleague.”

“I can’t take one…I mean it will upset the others. And I only have one extra ticket.”

He hears Woohyun groan. “Go alone.”

“That means wasting a ticket,” Sunggyu nags. “Besides, no one goes to watch musicals by themselves. It’s not as enjoyable.”

“Why did you buy two tickets then?” the annoyance in his voice is growing. Sunggyu doesn’t know how far he can push him.

“I was given the tickets by someone I know, and they gave me two.”

“Can’t you just return one?”

He stops at a red light, glancing sideways to look at Woohyun. His face is red.

“I can’t. You can’t return gifts.”

“Sounds like your problem, not mine.”

“Come with me.”

“What?” Woohyun says that with so much force that Sunggyu physically recoils.

“Maybe you can see if you still feel the same way about musicals.”

Woohyun stares at him with accusing eyes. He has an inkling of the thoughts going through his head. But he hasn’t come this far to give up.

“It has that actress you like,” he adds in a small voice.

Woohyun doesn’t say anything, and he accepts it as a silent yes.

“That actor who played Arthur was good.”

“Yeah, nice singing voice.”

They wait for the crowd to thin before leaving their seats. They’ve always done it, staying a little longer and soaking in the performance they have just experienced.

Woohyun hasn’t seen a single musical for the last ten years. Their very first official date had been watching a musical together followed by dinner. So the association between musicals and Sunggyu was too strong and when the older had left him with a bitter taste in his mouth, he couldn’t bear to walk down another aisle, or listen to another song that they had listened to together while holding hands.

Sunggyu had ruined a lot of things for him. Because he attaches meanings to small things. He remembers their first date, their first kiss, their first snow, first time they walked in the rain. Every little thing. They all have some kind of significance. Or at least, had. He has since dumped all of that in a trunk and buried it.

They had loved for a year, and spent ten more getting over it. Or at least, he has.

And he has never tried to take off the bandages to see if the wound has healed or if it is still bleeding; he would rather just not think about it at all.

It had served him well for the last few years. But Sunggyu walked in like the tropical cyclone he was – maybe he wants to assess what damage he had left behind, or, he thinks Woohyun looks well preserved from the outside and therefore, he has nothing to be sorry about.

Whatever it is, Woohyun won’t attach any meaning to it.

“Let’s have dinner.”

“Yeah, I guess I should buy you dinner since you got the tickets,” he says grudgingly.

“I know a place.”

Sunggyu always knew a place and he would have followed him to the end of the world.

He drives them to a nearby restaurant. The exterior looks very fancy; he’s not sure they’ll be able to get a table without reservation on Saturday night. When he tells that to Sunggyu, the older chuckles.

“I’ve made a reservation.”

Exactly how far has he planned this, he wonders. Woohyun didn’t even confirm that he would be coming until Sunggyu pulled up in front of his house this evening.

“Don’t know if I’ll like any of this,” Woohyun complains, looking at the menu, which is mostly in Italian.

“They have the pasta that you like,” Sunggyu points out a dish on his menu. “You know, the ropey one.”

“Linguine?”

“Yeah, but they make it the way you like it.”

Woohyun narrows his eyes. “How do you know?”

“I came here before, with Saerom’s parents. I ordered it,” Sunggyu says, repositioning himself in his chair.

“No, but how do you know how I like it prepared?”

They have never been to a fancy pasta place before; they couldn’t afford it as students.

“You told me.”

“No, I didn’t.” He laughs, taking off his glasses and wiping the lenses. “Are you mistaking me with someone else? Your girlfriend maybe.”

Crossing his on his chest, Sunggyu stares at him.

“Softer than al dente, in a watery white wine sauce, lots of garlic, and a peppery kick.”

It comes back to him. He had never actually had anything like that, but he had read it in a magazine, a foreign celebrity had described how she liked her pasta and he had liked the sound of it. He can’t quite remember when he told Sunggyu that, probably even before they started dating because if it was after, he would have remembered.

Replacing the glasses on his face, he looks down, flipping through the menu so that Sunggyu doesn’t notice that his hand is shaking slightly.

They eat quietly, both probably reeling from the familiarity and the strangeness of it. It’s like a piece of music they have played a thousand times before but now they have been given different instruments. The melody is the same, but it doesn’t sound quite the same.

“I don’t like this,” he finally says.

“Yeah, I didn’t either.”

“So why did you order it again?”

Sunggyu frowns slightly. “Not sure…”

He seems more thoughtful compared to when they were watching the musical. Woohyun wonders if he is having second thoughts about this.

“It’s funny,” he suddenly says, unable to stop himself. “I never thought this would be you, you know, Mercedes, expensive suits, fancy restaurants.”

The older stirs in his chair uncomfortably. “It isn’t…” When he looks at him in askance, he says, “It’s not really me. A lot of it is…Saerom.”

Woohyun understands that; it’s only natural to be affected by your significant other. He was never into art before he met Haewon.

“We work,” he goes onto explain even though Woohyun hasn’t asked. “She has her thing and I have my thing and…we get along.”

Shrugging, he says, “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain. We both changed. It was bound to happen.”

“I guess the question is if we’ve changed enough.” Sunggyu catches his gaze. The table seems too small to hold the intensity of the moment. Woohyun feels suffocated.

“Enough for what?”

“Enough to be completely different people to who we were.” Licking his lips, he says, “Because if we aren’t, and there’s a part of our old selves alive, that will mean-”

“Let’s go.” The air is knocked out from his chest.

By the time they step out, it’s gotten a lot colder. From the window of the car, Woohyun can see that the sky has cleared up, not a hint of clouds. The stars are bright, brighter than he has seen them in a while.

“Oh, you’ve got something on your shirt.”

Woohyun is caught off guard as Sunggyu leans towards him and picks something off his shirt. He catches a whiff of his expensive perfume again. And before he can stop himself, he panics and says, “You smell nice.”

There is an unreadable expression on the older’s face. “It’s this perfume Saerom gets for me, can’t remember the name. I can get one for you next time.”

“That’s not what-no, thank you.” A tight knot forms in his chest. He is angry with himself because right now, he is unsure. As much as he likes to think he is in control, he doesn’t understand the logic behind any of his actions.

Turning his head, he looks out of the window again, taking off his glasses. He is long-sighted, so it doesn’t blur out the stars. He used to go stargazing with his grandfather when he was a kid. He would point out all the constellations and at one point he knew all of them by heart.

His grandfather had also told him that when people die, they become stars. Then, when hearts break, are they buried in the sky too?

One thing is for sure, he enjoys hanging out with Woohyun. They are too compatible. Yes, there is always the elephant in the room, but they learn to navigate around it. They fall into an almost comfortable pattern. Sunggyu picks him up after his work – Woohyun forgets to protest. Sometimes, they have lunch together, near the university, under the guise of Sunggyu wanting to visit their old haunts.

It takes a while before he can convince Woohyun to go and see another musical with him. One turns to another, and soon the musical season is upon them, and people are falling over their feet to give Sunggyu free tickets, or at least that’s what he tells Woohyun.

Gradually, he watches the stiffness leave Woohyun and he can actually look at his face and not feel like he has done something wrong. Just a blush of colour return to his eyes. Woohyun lets his guard down, at least some of it, in front of him. He notices that Woohyun sometimes hums the songs from the musical in his car, and slowly progresses to singing at full volume when he is up for it.

It’s like watching seasons change.

They watch musicals and plays that neither Saerom nor Haewon seem to like. When Sunggyu invites him to watch a movie together, he says Haewon would probably want to watch it too. Without hesitating, he says he could bring her too. Of course it makes no sense to bring Haewon and not invite Saerom. So before he knows it, it becomes a double date.

Saerom and Haewon are obviously curious as to how this has come about as according to them, they had only met once at the exhibition. Sunggyu tells them that they had gotten close while he was researching for the admissions scandal and their shared love of musicals has made them friends; Woohyun doesn’t add anything else to it. It’s an explanation that’s definitely plausible so Saerom and Haewon don’t ask any follow-up questions.

Sometimes, Sunggyu believes the fantasy he is feeding into. That he and Woohyun are friends, and it is possible for them to get along as just that. They would get married to their girlfriends and they would have kids, who would grow up together and become best friends themselves. A classic suburban family friendly future. Not all soulmates need to be romantic; they could have a perfectly happy platonic relationship.

But sometimes he watches the pink on Woohyun’s cheeks after he has had a drink and he wants to caress his face. And sometimes when they are walking side by side and Woohyun’s hand hangs loosely by his side, he wants to take it in his and put it in his pocket. Sometimes when people push him into Woohyun’s back on the crowded subway, he wants to wrap his arms around his waist and stay there, face digging in between his shoulder blades.

He lives somewhere in between, the fantasy and the past. No one is making him pick one, so he lets it carry on. But every day, it becomes a little bit harder to not hold his hand. It’s a game of chess but he takes one step forward, two steps backwards; he doesn’t understand the rules.

And worse of all, he doesn’t think Woohyun has the same intrusive thoughts he had been battling with. Woohyun must have processed it more maturely than him and is all for a healthy friendship between them. He can tell by how comfortable he is when it’s the four of them hanging out, how he makes jokes that have Saerom and Haewon rolling on the floor, and even teases Sunggyu, the playful look in his eyes reinstated.

Somewhere along the way, Woohyun had moved on. And he had been left on the chessboard defending a king he didn’t quite believe in.

Chapter 2: Part 2

Chapter Text

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” Sunggyu doesn’t look up from his phone. He is playing this football game Woohyun has introduced him to. He has no interest in football, but Woohyun plays it regularly and once he learned to play it, he got addicted.

“Jongwan oppa said you had been distracted at work.”

He finally looks up. “When did you talk to him?”

“He called me.” Saerom sits down beside him on the sofa, placing her hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

He laughs, shaking his head. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just taking things easy.”

“You missed two deadlines.” It may seem a big deal to Saerom because she is a workaholic, but journalists miss deadlines all the time. He has never missed two before, but it’s all part of the process.

“I’ve been helping one of the rookies with her report…it’s not a big deal…”

He hopes she will drop it but the grip of her hand on his shoulder becomes stronger. “Jongwan oppa sounded worried.”

He tries to wave it off. “It’s not a big deal, he won’t fire me, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“Of course not,” she says emphatically. “I’m concerned about you.”

He tries to focus on his game again, but she takes his phone out of his hand. “Sunggyu, what’s going on? I get the feeling you’re not…here, you know? I mean I have been busy myself but, even when we’re together we barely talk.”

Running his hand through his hair, he tries to reason with her. “Saerom-ah, I just need some time to myself, okay? To do the things I like. We don’t have to do everything together-”

“We don’t do anything together anymore.” Her voice suddenly turns cold. Sunggyu wonders if this is a joke but when he looks at her, he sees that her facial features are hardened and she is gazing at him intensely.

“Saerom…are you serious here?”

“Tell me something we did together in the last month.”

Throwing his hands up, he says, “We watched a movie only last week-”

“With Woohyun-ssi and Haewon-ssi,” she corrects him. “I-they’re lovely but-when is the last time we did something romantic, just the two of us?”

Sunggyu is rendered speechless. They have never had a fight like this before. The reason they work is because they are accepting of the fact that they have their individual lives where they can be busy. But at the end of the day, they come home to each other, and it’s all well and good. Haewon has never been the type to complain about these things – about Sunggyu not being very romantic, about not going on vacation, or anniversary presents.

“You can’t, can you? Okay, fine, tell me when was the last time you looked at my face, like really looked at my face?”

He takes in a deep breath. “Did I say anything when you were busy working for your promotion?”

She startles. “I thought you were okay with that.”

“I am,” he quickly says. “But that’s what I’m saying, I’m okay with whatever you need to do. And I expect you to be okay with my thing too.”

“What is your thing?” she asks, her eyes moist. Sunggyu has seen her cry probably a handful of times and it has always been for something work related. “I’d understand if you were working on something but…is it payback for when I was busy?”

Sighing, he says, “No, no, it’s nothing like that. Saerom, you’re trying to make this into something, but it isn’t, I promise.”

“So you’re saying we’re okay?”

“Yes, we are.” It’s not strictly a lie. They are okay. He would never leave her. They would get married, have kids. And their kids will play with Woohyun and Haewon’s kids…Just like he has pictured. Maybe they will get a house in the suburbs and Woohyun will be their neighbour. The white picket fence will be the line they never cross. “We were never not okay.”

She doesn’t look like she believes him. “Fine.”

Even though she had said fine, Sunggyu could feel that it wasn’t, on her part, at least. Saerom’s work hours increased considerably and she goes on several business trips. It’s fine; his story is starting to pan out and in order to stop everyone’s nagging, he has decided to turn it in as soon as possible.

He also had words with Jongwan for involving Saerom. It was the first time he was upset with the older. Just because they are close, it doesn’t give him the right to go talk to Saerom about these things without telling him beforehand.

“I was worried about you,” he had said.

“Yeah, well, if I decide to form an addiction to an illegal substance, I will let you know.”

“That’s not what-”

“It’s okay, hyung. Let’s just put this to bed.”

Interestingly, he wonders if Woohyun has had a similar talking-to from Haewon. Because his texts become noticeably infrequent, to the point where he doesn’t reply to his messages for days. He says no to a couple of plans. There is a chance that he is busy. But anxiety grips him.

He doesn’t want this – whatever this is they have going on – to end. He doesn’t want to lose Woohyun, again.

Sunggyu couldn’t fall asleep. He didn’t want to move around in bed too much lest he woke Saerom. His mind is restless, jumping from one thought to another, emotions changing so rapidly that he could barely recognize them. Sighing, he checks his phone. It’s 3 am. He’s about to put his phone down when he notices a text message notification, from Woohyun.

“Can’t sleep?” Saerom asks. She doesn’t sound sleepy at all, so she’s probably been awake the entire time too.

“Yeah.”

Her hand wraps around him, finding its way under his shirt. Her hand is cold as ice; it burns on his skin.

“I’m sorry to have woken you.”

“It’s not you, I can’t sleep either,” she says. “Shall we-”

He pulls the blanket off of him and sits up.

“What’s wrong?” She sits up too, looking at him with a worried expression.

“Nothing,” he says. “I’m going to warm up some milk.”

Snuggling closer to him, she kisses him. But it barely registers as his mind is oppressively wondering what the text from Woohyun is about. He hasn’t messaged for 5 days straight; he was actually planning to go and see him at the university tomorrow.

“Not in the mood,” he says, pulling her off him and stepping out of the bed. He doesn’t look back to see her face.

In the kitchen, he finally opens the message.

I can’t do the 18^th.

He is confused but then he checks the last message he had sent Woohyun and it was asking him if he wants to go and see a musical on the 18^th. It’s anti-climactic.

That’s fine. What about the Sunday? He types back.

Woohyun’s message was sent 4 hours ago; surely, he wouldn’t be awake to answer it now. He’ll have to wait till the morning. Or 5 more days, who knows. He will really have to go and check on him at work. He needs to know if something is wrong.

To his surprise, he notices the 3 dots come to life almost immediately - Woohyun’s typing.

Why are you up at this time?

He breathes out slowly.

Working. Have a deadline corning up. You?

Grading papers. I have a deadline too.

Sunggyu wonders if Woohyun’s excuse is a lie too, just like his. He is considering if he should push him about his reticence when another message lights up his screen.

You want to grab a coffee?

His heart jumps and he stifles a curse.

Yah suure. His fingers feel numb as he types. I’llll pick ou up.

No need, I can get there on my own.

Don be silly i can get there in 5 minutes

Running back to his bedroom, he grabs his car keys and a hoodie.

“I’m going out for a bit,” he says to the darkness.

The drive to Woohyun’s place takes him 15 minutes on the empty Seoul roads. He may have been speeding a bit. Woohyun is already waiting in front of his house, bundled in a long coat, scarf, hat, and a pair of mittens. It’s cold and a thin layer of sleet is falling steadily. He’s obviously dressed more sensibly.

“Where do you want to go?” he asks once he gets in.

Woohyun just shrugs his shoulders. Sunggyu doesn’t dare look at his face. Even in the semi-darkness of the car, he senses that something isn’t right. Woohyun isn’t the type to ask to have coffee in the middle of the night. Besides, all their plans so far have been initiated by Sunggyu. This is…something new.

Sunggyu drives to a nearby coffee shop that stays open 24 hours. He orders two iced americanos and they sit down by the window, watching the rain pelting down on the glass. There are a couple of other people nursing their coffees but they are further away. A morose jazz tune plays softly.

Woohyun doesn’t speak and Sunggyu isn’t sure he wants to be the one to break the silence. He watches Woohyun watching the rain. He has a feeling that his current thoughts are complicated.

“How’s your article coming along?” he finally asks.

“Umm…” he is so thrown by the question that he completely blanks.

“You don’t have a deadline, do you?”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I know you. If you had a deadline, you wouldn’t be here.”

Taking a long sip from his drink, he says, “Maybe my priorities have changed.”

The younger looks away again. Sunggyu wishes he could take his glasses off; they shield his eyes, making him have to guess the emotions he is going through. Woohyun has one of the most expressive faces; if you know how to read it, he is an open book.

After a while, he gets up and Sunggyu follows suit. He doesn’t say anything as he walks across the road in the opposite direction to where the car is parked. The rain has slowed down to a lazy dribble. Sunggyu just follows him silently. He can feel something in his gut, he knows something is bothering Woohyun. But he doesn’t know what it is, and he doesn’t know what it’s going to come out as.

There is a small cart bar by the roadside. Woohyun takes a seat and orders a bottle of soju. Sunggyu is now starting to get worried. Taking a seat beside him, he pours him a small drink, but Woohyun starts throwing the shots down his throat like water. He tries to slow him down once or twice, but It’s clear that he wouldn’t be stopped.

After downing a couple of bottles, he says, in a voice barely above a whisper, “I never told you this but I hate you.”

Sunggyu freezes. Woohyun’s voice is surprisingly level despite the bright flush on his cheeks. He is not looking at him, but his words are spoken with intent.

When he recovers a bit, he replies, “I figured you’d feel that way since-”

“Not for the reason that you think,” Woohyun cuts across him, signalling the owner for another bottle. “I don’t hate you because you broke it up, or you couldn’t see a future with the two of us in it. I got over it.” His words have started to slur. “I erased you. I was sure that I was over it all and I wouldn’t feel a thing even if we slept together again. I was that confident.”

Sunggyu is sitting very still in his plastic chair, staring at Woohyun, who is steadily getting drunk. His eyes are starting to get bloodshot.

He doesn’t know what’s chillier, the harsh wind or the younger’s words.

“But…I hate you because none of that is true. I hate you because ever since I saw you, I’ve felt a multitude of things, and not all of it is hatred. I hate you because…” he turns sideways, placing his hands on either side of his face. The rough surface of the mittens brushes his cheeks. Woohyun is staring straight into his eyes, even though his gaze is a bit unfocused. “I hate you because I had my entire life planned out with not an inch of space for you and now, all of a sudden, you’re all consuming, infiltrating, invading. Kim Sunggyu,” he moves his face closer and Sunggyu wonders if he will kiss him. But he stops an inch away, biting down on his chapped lips. “Kim Sunggyu, I hate you for ruining my life. Again.”

Getting a drunk Woohyun into his car was much harder than he had anticipated. He is practically dead weight. By the time he manages, he breaks out in a sweat.

Once he reaches Woohyun’s place, he struggles again, half carrying, half dragging him down the driveway, before knocking on his door.

He had expected to wait since Haewon must be sleeping but she throws the door open immediately, looking flustered.

“Um, sorry, he-”

“Is he okay?” she asks in a high voice.

“He’s fine, I promise. Just drunk.”

“Oh God.” She steps aside, letting Sunggyu bring him in. “This way.” She leads them to the bedroom, where after a little struggle, he gets Woohyun into the bed. “He never drinks. How much did he drink?”

“A lot,” Sunggyu replies, taking Woohyun’s shoes off. Woohyun makes a gurgling noise and throws his hands into the air before rolling onto his side. He carefully takes his glasses off and puts them on the bedside table. “He was out in the rain,” he says. “Probably should dry his hair…if you have a towel.”

She nods.

It wouldn’t be very practical to take his clothes off right now so he just turns the heater in the room up. Haewon returns with two towels, giving one to Sunggyu.

“You’re wet too.”

“Oh, yeah…”

He watches her drying his hair with the towel and suddenly realizes that he is probably invading their privacy. Stepping out of the room, he dries his hair in the hallway and wipes his face. He doesn’t know what Woohyun had told her before going out and it’s probably best if he doesn’t wait for her to ask for an explanation.

“It’s late, I’m going to leave,” he says, placing the towel on the back of a chair.

“Wait, Sunggyu-ssi.” He pauses, waiting for her to come out of the room. “Thank you,” she says. “I was worried. He left his phone at home too…he suddenly said he needed to clear his head and headed out.”

“Ah yes, he is err stressed about…work, I guess.”

“Work?”

He gulps. “Yeah, I mean I guess the investigation into the admissions scandal, it’s stressful for everyone, even if they are not involved.”

There is absolutely no way Woohyun would want Haewon to know the real reason. He just hopes he would have the sense to corroborate his story when he wakes up tomorrow.

“I see.” Her eyelids flutter and all of a sudden, he thinks she doesn’t believe him.

“Anyway, I’ll…see you later, I guess.”

“Sunggyu-ssi?” The tone of her voice has shifted slightly. There is hesitancy in her voice; whatever she is going to ask, she is probably debating the appropriateness of it. He can see it, in her eyes, the way her fingers are scratching the back of the chair she is holding onto. Even her toes are flinching. He knows he won’t like the question, because he will have to lie. “Oppa told me about his first love. He said that they got along very well, but then they broke up.” Her grip on the chairs tightens, her knuckles are white. “Are you his first love?”

Sunggyu could have lied. It is a white lie; he doesn’t want to create problems between them. But saying no would be refuting how hard and how far they had fallen for each other. Saying no would be denying every single moment they were madly in love. And that felt wrong.

“I think you should ask Woohyun about it.”

“Wait, I-”

“Haewon-ssi, I’m really sorry I have to go-”

“I-” her mouth trembles. “I don’t know what to do.” She breaks down in tears. This puts Sunggyu in a very awkward position. He himself doesn’t cry a lot so he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Woohyun cried a lot too but that was easy to deal with – he would just hold him in his chest and let him soak his T-shirt, transferring all the heaviness onto him.

Walking over to her, he awkwardly pats her on the shoulder.

“Haewon-ssi, I don’t know what’s wrong but I’m sure everything will be okay.”

He offers her his handkerchief, which she takes gratefully. Stemming the flow of her tears, she says, “I’m sorry, this is so silly. I er-I just,” she looks up at him. “Do you still love him?”

Sunggyu tries his best to manage his expressions.

“Haewon-ssi, I don’t think we should be talking about this.”

“Because,” she smiles a little through her tears. “You know he still sometimes gets me strawberry milkshake by mistake even though I don’t like it? I saw you drinking it, when we were out together.” She wipes her tears. “And sometimes he thinks I like certain songs that I’ve never heard in my life. Songs from musicals.” With a shaking hand, she returns the handkerchief. “He takes me to beaches because he thinks I like the sea.”

“Old habits die hard,” he shrugs. “It’s not a big deal, Haewon-ssi. You’ve been together for five years, it just doesn’t happen.”

“That’s what I’m telling myself.”

“Woohyun would never hurt you.”

Nodding, she says. “I know. Oppa said he hadn’t loved anyone after his first love, until we met.” She sniffles. “I know he won’t hurt me. I’m worried he will hurt himself, though, in order to not hurt anyone else.”

Sunggyu knows what she is talking about. Woohyun always puts himself last. He would step on his own feelings to protect others’.

“I’m sorry,” he says. That’s all he could say. He apologises, because he knows he has lied. The things Woohyun had told him today, drunk, are the truth.

But there’s nothing he can do about it. And he’s not sure he wants to.

Woohyun shuts him out completely. He sends him a message explaining he was drunk and he didn’t mean anything he said. And he says it’s best that they see each other conservatively.

Sunggyu knows it’s all a lie.

So of course he goes to confront him. Woohyun tries to dodge him but one day, he corners him in his office.

“Take a walk, Hyunwoo,” he tells the TA, who looks like he is on the verge of hyperventilating. Both he and Woohyun probably look extremely angry.

“Are you bullshitting me? You said you still love me.”

“I did not!”

“Not in those specific words,” he slams his hands down on the desk. “But you know what you said.”

“I was drunk.”

“And that makes no difference.”

“I was angry, I was emotional, I was drunk.” Woohyun looks at him spitefully. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Fine, then why can’t we hang out?”

“I didn’t say we can’t, I just said we don’t have to spend every weekend-”

“Because it bothers you, being near me,” he says.

Woohyun smacks his lips. “No,” he says defiantly.

“Prove it then.”

Taking his glasses off, he glares at him. “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

Sunggyu scoffs. “Because you can’t.”

He sees the muscles in his face clench. “Because I don’t want to. I don’t owe you anything.”

“You know what you are?” He knows he will regret these words and even as he speaks them, he wishes he could take them back. “You’re a coward. You can’t commit to your feelings. What’s the point of having a heart if you’re just going to lock it up?”

His whole body shaking, he says, “Get out. Get out and never come back.”

He gets an urgent call. It’s from Haewon. She doesn’t say much, she asks him to meet her at the botanical garden at 6pm.

It’s strange, but he knows it’s about Woohyun. He hasn’t seen the younger since the day he had confronted him at his office. He has been formulating a way to apologise but also to bring him to his senses. One false move, and he would lose him again, forever.

When he arrives at the greenhouse, as agreed, he sees that Haewon isn’t the only one there. Woohyun is with her too and he looks just as surprised to see him.

“What’s going on here, are you stalking me?” Woohyun asks angrily.

“No, I told him to come,” Haewon explains quickly.

He looks at her confused. “Why?”

“Because…” she takes a deep breath. “I know he was your first love. I just want to know if you still love him. And if you do, I don’t want you to sentence yourself to a loveless marriage.”

“What?” they both say at the same time.

“I know you’re going to propose today,” she says.

A chill grips Sunggyu as he looks from her face to his.

Woohyun takes a small box out of his pocket.

“You always do this,” Sunggyu says quietly, “put your feelings last.”

The younger looks at the ground and then at the box in his hand.

Haewon places a hand on his arm, her eyes swimming with tears. “It won’t be easy for me to let you go, but I don’t want you to be constantly thinking of what-ifs.”

His Adam’s apple bobs up and down and there is a small frown in between his eyebrows.

“I loved him very very much, Haewon-ah. And it’s hard to get over something like that,” he finally says, looking up. “But…you’ve given me something he never could. You have been by my side for five years. And I will do my best, my very best, to give you everything you ever want.” He kneels on the ground, in slow motion, opening the box.

“Woohyun-ah,” Sunggyu mumbles but his voice is small, too small for the large greenhouse. He isn’t sure that his voice would carry all the way over to where the younger is; there already seems to be an ocean between them.

“Joo Haewon, will you marry me?”

She looks at Sunggyu, and maybe she sees the silent plea in his eyes. She mouths what seems like “sorry”. Looking back at Woohyun with tears in her eyes, she says. “Yes, yes I will.”

Slipping the ring onto her finger, Woohyun pulls her into his chest, placing a hand behind her head.

Sunggyu feels like the boat he was on has just capsized and he doesn’t know how to swim. He is fighting for air.

“Sunggyu-ssi, I think that answers your question.” Haewon says after a while.

It happens in slow motion, a second feels like an hour. The world around him grinds to a halt, a loud buzzing fills his ears, and then it all accelerates, to a million miles per hour, making him dizzy. Sunggyu feels sick.

He stumbles; the instinct to steady himself kicks in a second too late and he falls on his bottom. The ground below him hurts, but not as much as the blinding white pain he feels inside.

It doesn’t make sense, it shouldn’t hurt this much. He didn’t have any expectations. He only had a white picket fence dream.

When he looks up again, his vision is blurred. At first, he thinks it’s tears. He can’t remember the last time he cried. And then he realizes, he isn’t crying, it has started to snow.

His eyes flutter close. He can feel the gentle snowflakes land on his face. It’s quiet, like the snow is absorbing all the noise. And within that snow, he buries everything.

He is watching Woohyun get dressed. Time had slipped away from them and Woohyun had ended up staying over. There is so much of him strewn all over his apartment now though, that he might as well live here.

“Why are you staring at me?” the younger asks, buttoning up his shirt.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head.

“It’s not nothing,” he chuckles. “You’re staring at me like I’m on death row.”

“It’s just…” he clears his throat. “You’re very attractive.” The statement in itself is not a lie. And a part of his thought is just that.

Smiling his dashing smile, he leans forward and kisses him. He savours the touch of their lips and almost wants to wrap his hands around his neck and pull him in. But he’s going to be late for his class.

“But?” Woohyun asks after he pulls away.

“There’s no but.”

Searching his face, he says, “I feel there is, I’ve known you for a while.”

Sunggyu fidgets with his fingers. “You overthink.” He can feel the intensity of Woohyun’s gaze on his face, even though he is not looking at him. “And you make me overthink as well.”

“Yeah?” Sunggyu feels the mattress dip as Woohyun sits down. He feels strangely naked under his gaze and pulls the blanket up to his neck defensively. “And what exactly are you overthinking about?”

“You know…the future.”

“What future?”

He finally looks up. “Exactly.”

There is a bewildered look in Woohyun’s eyes. “I’m confused.”

A part of him doesn’t want to explain. What’s another day anyway? If he doesn’t say anything now, Woohyun will come to him tonight and hold him in his embrace and it would be all fine. For another day. There’s probably a more appropriate time and place to talk about these things.

If he puts a period after that thought, if he looks into Woohyun’s eyes hard enough, he would forget it. Maybe he will just reach out and brush Woohyun’s shoulder in the needy way he knows the younger can’t resist. Woohyun would skip his class for him and they can relive the good things, a rendition of two crazy lovers.

But instead, he chooses to say the stupidest thing he could think of.

“What are we going to tell our parents?” The light in Woohyun’s eyes disappear instantly. And it’s the last time he would see them, in years. He could have stopped there because he has gotten the message across but like an ox, he ploughs on. “What happens when my mum wants me to settle down, to get married, to give her grandchildren?”

“So you’re saying you can’t tell them about us?” His voice is an octave lower. It’s Nam Woohyun like he has never seen him before, his features hardened, muscles taut.

“C-can you?” he rebukes. “Can you tell your parents about us?”

“I-I don’t know,” there is a moment of uncertainty in his pupils, “but I’d think of figuring it out together instead of breaking up.”

Sunggyu hasn’t expressly said about breaking up. But he doesn’t correct the younger. “And when we have proper jobs, we have colleagues, what do we tell them? That we’re roommates? Best friends?”

Woohyun scoffs. “So everyone else is more important than me?”

“Can’t you see?” he shakes his head desperately. “It’s impossible. It’s only a matter of time…”

“You’ve obviously put a lot of thought in it.” His tone is harsh. Looking away, he says, “But why don’t you think about a bit more and…if you feel any differently, call me, we will talk. Otherwise, feel free to block my number.”

Sunggyu never calls back.

And that is how Nam Woohyun walks out of his life, his backpack over his shoulder, borrowed hoodie on his back, a familiar stranger.

Sunggyu pulls a piece of stray lint from his suit jacket, sighing for what seems like the hundredth time. When the groomsmen were here in the room, it was loud and rowdy, and he didn’t have time to think. Now that he is alone, it’s quiet, but his mind is far from it.

This is it. Anytime now the wedding planner will barge in through the door and tell him it’s time. He feels a bit like a man waiting to be sentenced. It must be the nerves.

Pacing the room, he tries to rehearse his vow. He has cue cards with all of it written down in his pocket. But even at the last rehearsal he had stuttered and fumbled over certain words. The wedding planner had glared at him.

"For better or for worse,” he repeats under his breath, feeling a tug in his stomach. He comes to stand in front of the mirror. “For better or for worse,” he says. He barely recognizes his reflection.

The door opens and he turns around quickly, ready to follow the wedding planner to the altar.

But the man standing at the door isn’t who he was expecting.

He freezes on the spot. For a second, he wonders if he is having a nervous breakdown. But the figure in front of him is solid, real.

“You look nice.” Three of his five senses are telling him that this is real. It’s his voice, the smell of his perfume. But it is a bit ridiculous that Woohyun would say that when he himself looks stunning in a pressed suit, like a model materializing out of a magazine cover.

More importantly, what is he doing here? He had never RSVP’d and secretly, Sunggyu was relieved.

However, he can barely breathe so speaking is out of the question.

“I never thought you had it in you-to get married I mean,” Woohyun takes a few small steps around the room, examining a vase with daisies pouring out of it. “But I guess you’re going ahead.”

He hasn’t seen Woohyun since the day at the greenhouse. Even if Saerom thought it was weird that they weren’t going on double dates anymore, she hadn’t said anything. Maybe she was secretly glad. He doesn’t know how much Saerom knew or suspected. As far as he is aware, Haewon hadn’t spoken to her about what she knew.

The invitation he had sent had been merely perfunctory. He knew Woohyun wouldn’t come. Or at least, he thought he knew.

“Scented invitation was a nice touch,” Woohyun says, pulling the pink card out of his pocket and placing it on the table. “We’d like the company of Mr and Mrs Nam Woohyun…Probably wasn’t your idea.”

“Wh-why are y-you h-here?” He finally formulates a full sentence but it comes out in a stutter.

“And the groom finally speaks,” Woohyun winks at him. There is a playful lilt in his eyes, but it is measured. “Your lisp is getting worse,” he notices.

When he doesn’t reply, he says offhandedly, “I’m here…to give you a chance.”

“A chance?”

“Your last chance, really.” His speaks as if his words have no consequences. There is ease in his movement, like a man who has nothing to lose.

“I don’t understand…”

“Have you ever thought of doing something completely crazy but it makes absolute sense?”

Sunggyu now wonders if the younger is drunk. His face is not flushed and his eyes look clear but nothing he is saying makes any sense. Should he sit him down, bring him a glass of water? Call someone to help?

Woohyun glances at him, his eyes roving down to his shoes.

“You can’t run in those, can you?”

“Huh?” Sunggyu looks at his brand-new Oxford shoes. They were so shiny that he could see his reflection in them. He does regret not breaking into them though, he can already feel the pinch. “Why would I have to run?”

“You can’t be a runaway groom if you don’t run.” He winks again.

“I don’t understand,” he repeats lamely. It’s starting to become clear that Woohyun has completely lost his marbles. But somehow, he looks like himself, his old self so much.

Walking over to the window, he throws them open and climbs up on the windowsill.

Sunggyu lurches over, concerned. “Don’t!”

But Woohyun just smiles. “We can’t use the front door obviously, all the people are there, this is the only way.” He takes off his glasses and puts them in the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

“Only way to where?” All he can see is a one-storey drop to the back garden.

Woohyun’s smile widens, his eyes bright. If Sunggyu wasn’t worried to his teeth, he would have gladly been drunk on the tantalizing look on his face. “I’ll wait exactly ten minutes. No more than that.” With that, he pulls himself out through the window with incredible grace and drops to the ground.

Sunggyu muffles his scream with his hands. His insides start a convoluted dance. He doesn’t understand Woohyun. But also, he does. He starts moving as if on autopilot. Pulling off his shoes, he runs to the other side of the room. It takes a bit of rummaging to find his sneakers in a bag. He quickly puts them on, then runs back to the window. Couldn’t Woohyun have waited for him to give him a hand? Climbing out of windows is not his forte.

Taking a few deep breaths, he tries to steady his nerves. As he feels his heart rate slow down, something else occurs to him. He goes back to the table in the middle of the room, finds the invitation card Woohyun had put down, and a pen, and quickly scribbles at the back of it.

Saerom-ah, I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I had to do this. For myself. I’ll explain.

With that, he climbs onto the windowsill, poises himself carefully, then shuts his eyes before letting his body drop.

He lands on his feet, but he is off-balance. A strong pair of arms holds him steady.

There is a glint in Woohyun’s eyes. His smile is so bright that it burns.

“What took you so long?”

“Shoes,” he points at them.

“Smart.” Without warning, he gets down on his knees and before Sunggyu can exclaim, he realizes that he is tying the shoelaces of his sneakers.

“Can’t run with your laces undone.”

“About that…where are we running to?”

Getting to his feet, he extends a hand towards Sunggyu without a word. Sunggyu looks at his face once, before taking his hand.

And they run.

It’s insane, to say the least. Sunggyu has no idea where they are going, what they’ll do, how he will answer to his parents, and all the other guests who must be really confused.

But nothing else, from the moment he had proposed to Saerom, to the moment he was waiting to step out to the altar, had felt this right.

In fact, nothing had felt this right in ten years.

They exit the garden and run through the deserted, slightly uneven country roads. The country club Saerom had chosen is in the middle of nowhere but very exclusive. He will probably be paying this off for the rest of his life.

After about half a mile, they come across a car parked on the side of the road.

“Get in,” Woohyun says.

“Did you-have to-park it so-far away?” he pants, holding his sides. If he had known about this, he would have gone to the gym more often.

“Well, I don’t think they’d have allowed me to park near the country club. They have security guards, you know.”

“Guests get-free parking.”

“I didn’t RSVP, I’m not on the list.”

“Right.”

They get into the car. It’s dusty inside, with an assortment of things strewn everywhere, from bits of paper, to half eaten sandwiches, to shoes. A rusty tinman hangs from the rearview mirror.

“Where did you get this?”

“Borrowed it from a student,” Woohyun says as he fires up the engine.

“Honestly…”

The car purrs as they make their way down the road. It’s a bumpy ride and he prays that the car’s suspension holds up at least until they are somewhere more civilized.

“I haven’t driven in a while…so…”

Sunggyu glares at him, making him laugh. But the laughter melts every little irritation within him and he breaks into a smile too. He stares at him, admiring his perfect side profile. His gaze then shifts to his hands that are holding onto the steering wheel. The fingers are devoid of any jewelry.

“So you-did you-so-you didn’t marry Haewon?”

Woohyun raises an eyebrow. “A good question to ask before running away from your own wedding, don’t you think?”

When put like that, of course it sounds silly.

“I guess it doesn’t matter,” he relaxes into his seat, “what happened. As long as this is it.”

There is a moment of silence before Woohyun says, “I couldn’t go through with it. And I didn’t want her to always wonder.”

“Fair enough.”

“And you can try and live a lie like it’s the truth but it doesn’t make the real truth disappear.” Woohyun purses his lips. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You were going to marry her?”

“Yeah…well, I thought you had moved on and that I should too.”

“But?”

“But I clearly haven’t.”

“And?”

“And,” he looks at him. “And, right now, I want to kiss you so badly.”

Woohyun chuckles. “You’re such a flirt.”

“As if you aren’t,” he runs his fingers through his hair. “Sweeping me off my feet at my own wedding. The charming devil.”

“You want to get married?”

He jumps. “The two of us?”

“Hopefully,” Woohyun says teasingly, “that’s the plan. I mean I went through so much trouble for it.”

“Right now?”

He shrugs. “Why not?”

“I think we have pulled enough crazy for today.”

Pouting, he says, “Are you having second thoughts?”

“It’s not that,” he reassures him.

“Then what is it?”

“Do you know Saerom planned the whole wedding? I don’t even know what flavour cake we got. I didn’t want to know.”

“So?”

“So, I want to experience it.” He looks straight ahead because he knows he will get embarrassed otherwise. He wants to finish the thought. “I want to get flowers that match your eyes. I want to see you in twenty different suits before we pick one. I want us to try all kinds of cakes and argue about the number of tiers. I want to hear stories about your nutty relatives while we do the seating arrangement. I want us to ask our parents for their blessings, together, whether they give it or not. I want to feel stress up to my eyeballs but I want you to hold me and tell me it will be fine. And Nam Woohyun, before all of that, I want you to get down on your knees and propose to me.”

He thinks Woohyun would burst into laughter and tease him endlessly.

He doesn’t do either. His eyes are on the road, but he reaches over with one hand and takes his hand in his. Brushing his thumb along his palm, he says quietly, “Yes.” He doesn’t say it in so many words but Sunggyu knows it’s a promise.

“I need to return my car and get a new one, maybe a secondhand one,” Sunggyu counts off on his fingers. “Find a new place, cancel the honeymoon flights and hotel although it’s probably too late, do apology letters to all the guests…”

They are lying on a cozy hotel bed, facing opposite directions, Woohyun’s head next to his feet; beneath them is a mountain of duvets and bedsheets and covers and all sorts of unnecessary things. They have remembered to take their suit jackets off before they flopped into the bed unceremoniously.

They are both tired – the crash after a good hour of adrenaline high.

“I mean, it’s not too bad for the guests, is it? They still get to have food and wine…” he sighs. “You know Saerom’s father wanted to pay for the whole thing but me and my stupid pride, I said I’ll pay half.” When Woohyun doesn't say anything, he pokes his side with his toe.

“Ouch, what’s that for?”

“You’re not listening to me.”

“I am, I am just trying to decide if you’re having second thoughts or if you’re doing that thing where you micro-plan everything.”

Supporting himself on his elbows, he lifts his head up to look at Woohyun, one arm behind his head, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his shirt untucked.

“I’m not having second thoughts. Just trying to make sure I don’t forget anything.”

“Will it be so bad? To forget everything, for now, for today?” There is a look in his eyes, a naïve, fresh daisy look, as he smacks his lips. He finds it seductive.

Smiling, he sits up and crawls over to him. “I guess it won’t be that bad.”

“Besides, I already have a place. So you can tick that off your list.”

“What list?” he says, in a whisper. Leaning closer, he takes off Woohyun’s glasses, then pauses just before their lips touch. The last time they had kissed, things had ended horribly wrong. But Woohyun must have sensed his hesitation because he raises his head and lets their lips touch.

Every bit of anxiety and hesitation and fear his mind has been crawling with vanishes.

It feels so natural as their lips mesh together, as if he had kissed him yesterday, and the day before that, and everyday for the past ten years.

Writing is his job and there he knows many words. But he doesn’t think that he can fit the love he has for Woohyun in any words.

Woohyun’s warm hands hold his cheeks as they kiss. He feels a familiar sensation in his stomach, of having something he doesn’t quite deserve, winning the lottery, the last piece slotting into place.

He is at peace.

There are some things he couldn’t do, at any cost.

Like not love Kim Sunggyu.

He had never expected to fall in love. But fall in love he did, rapidly, dangerously, deeply. He finally knew what loving someone with all your heart meant.

Woohyun always believed in destiny. Loving Sunggyu was destiny. Losing him was destiny too, they were not meant to be. As much as it hurt, he had eventually learnt to expect it. So when Sunggyu reappeared in his life, ten years later, he clocked it, even though he did not want to let on – fate brought them together. But for what reason, if not to be together?

But it doesn’t make sense, because they loved, and they parted, and that’s where destiny should draw the line.

So he did what he thought was best, he withdrew. It felt wrong, it was unfair. But if it isn’t meant to be, it won’t.

He couldn’t make someone else the victim in the cruel game of fate. Haewon deserves someone who would love her unconditionally, not just in the absence of someone else. And even though he knew he could be loyal to her for the rest of his life, it didn’t feel right to rob her of something better.

He doesn’t know what he would have done if he hadn’t received Sunggyu’s wedding invitation in the mail. He didn’t know right away either. He was angry, he was hurt, and he was trying to be rational. Then he entered a period of counterfeit nirvana where he was above it all, nothing bothered him. The night before the wedding, he made up his mind – maybe destiny needed a push.

He didn’t think about consequences. He didn’t think about morals or etiquette. He dived in headfirst.

But he doesn’t regret it at all.

Now, with Sunggyu’s hand in his hair and his tongue in his mouth, the warmth of his body that is seeping under his skin and spreading through his nerve endings, he is certain that they may not have been meant for each other when they were 24 and 20, but now, at 34 and 30, they are meant to be. Forever.

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doublentendre, MiGatoConPulgas, hideyoshiakira, matteiathena, StormyViolet, Hani15, Kkyukkyu, urthesunflower, astoria_paranoia, Moonlight2211, kyukwanholic, hiwatari, Gyuzizi741, thiscoffin, Dgh2673, pearlgold0609, GyuWoo_Inspirit, yangyangsgerman, LeeanaM, yuithedevilfujoshi, InfiniteObsession, 581911, sugarandstars, and elysihan as well as 17 guests left kudos on this work!

Comments

Dgh2673 on Chapter 1 Wed 10 Jan 2024 07:25AM UTC

Like it🥰

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 1 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:19PM UTC
  
  Thank you
  
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hiwatari on Chapter 1 Wed 07 Feb 2024 01:28AM UTC

I've been reading ch1 tiny bits at a time, on my walk back from work, a lil bit before bed, on my way to work, and I'm loving it, I wonder how long will it take me to read ch2.

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elysihan on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Jan 2024 10:55AM UTC

I've realised that I could probably spot your writing from miles away.
They always feel things. I could say more but I don't think it's needed.
Beautiful.

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:22PM UTC
  
  Because it's predictable, especially for you. Yeah I've been feeling the same
  
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2. 1. elysihan on Chapter 2 Sun 14 Jan 2024 07:43PM UTC
    
    No, no, I didn't mean that... It's the writing, the sentences, it's very you. I meant it as a compliment.
    
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  2. 1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 09:29PM UTC
      
      Thank you, in that case.
      
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pearlgold0609 on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Jan 2024 01:12PM UTC

I almost stop reading when woohyun decided to kneel in front of haewon but I'm glad finished it because I do trust you with the happy ending of woogyu ❤️💙 I just love the way woohyun comes and he just knew it that sunggyu will follow him right way 💕
Love it! Keep writing of woogyu 💛 hwaiting author-nim!

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:21PM UTC
  
  Thank you so much, I'm glad you gave them a chance to realise their mistake.
  
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GyuWoo_Inspirit on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Jan 2024 10:04PM UTC

This story is so amazing!
I loved how it never deviated from the basic inspiration and characteristics, haha mainly Woohyun's glasses! It gave me a real understanding of what it's like to write on an inspiration!
The thing I probably liked the most was how Sunggyu says he wants to plan a wedding with Woohyun and experience all the beautiful things with him! It's just so romantic and beautiful! 🥺
The plot was so well written and mature and perfect and as usual, articulated so well Eonni! ❤️

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:20PM UTC
  
  Thanks Nish, it really means a lot. Ah yes, his glasses are a perfect inspiration.
  
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subgkyu (thiscoffin) on Chapter 2 Mon 15 Jan 2024 11:54PM UTC

gosh this was beautiful !!!
'There was a time when Woohyun would have grabbed his hand and put it in his pocket. It would be their way of holding hands in public without standing out too much.' that's such a lovely image :')
'Writing is his job and there he knows many words. But he doesn’t think that he can fit the love he has for Woohyun in any words.' oooh this was so sweet i love them

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 09:30PM UTC
  
  Thank you
  
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hiwatari on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 02:15AM UTC

Kudos, well i read the 2nd chapter in one sitting i was planning to read it on ny way to/Jack from work xD.
I really enjoyed it.🥰

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 09:31PM UTC
  
  I'm glad you enjoyed it
  
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astoria_paranoia on Chapter 2 Tue 30 Apr 2024 02:35PM UTC

This is honestly so beautiful. The idea of soulmates that weren’t meant to be when they were young, but gravitating towards each other again when they were wiser and more mature <3 gosh my heart when woohyun proposed to Haewon and Sunggyu had to watch the entire thing. Can’t imagine how much that would have broken his heart.
All of your fics have so much angst but it is always the PERFECT amount of angst, and it always makes the ending so much more profound and sweeter. The boys always go through so much but they always receive their happy ending with each other. I love them all so much.

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Tue 30 Apr 2024 05:25PM UTC
  
  Thank you. I love the idea of soulmates but also how they don't always have to get it right the first time. Something like they didn't necessarily get together because they were soulmates but they got back together because of it.
  I can't thank you enough for all these lovely comments.
  
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dongwoojjang (Guest) on Chapter 2 Thu 11 Jul 2024 05:02AM UTC

this is SO GOOD! please write more like this

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1. deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 24 Jul 2024 06:45PM UTC
  
  Thank you :)
  
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A time and a place

deliberatemistake

Summary:

Notes:

Chapter 1: Part 1

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: Part 2

Chapter Text

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Dgh2673 on Chapter 1 Wed 10 Jan 2024 07:25AM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 1 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:19PM UTC

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hiwatari on Chapter 1 Wed 07 Feb 2024 01:28AM UTC

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elysihan on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Jan 2024 10:55AM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:22PM UTC

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elysihan on Chapter 2 Sun 14 Jan 2024 07:43PM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 09:29PM UTC

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pearlgold0609 on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Jan 2024 01:12PM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:21PM UTC

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GyuWoo_Inspirit on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Jan 2024 10:04PM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Jan 2024 06:20PM UTC

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subgkyu (thiscoffin) on Chapter 2 Mon 15 Jan 2024 11:54PM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 09:30PM UTC

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hiwatari on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 02:15AM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 07 Feb 2024 09:31PM UTC

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astoria_paranoia on Chapter 2 Tue 30 Apr 2024 02:35PM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Tue 30 Apr 2024 05:25PM UTC

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dongwoojjang (Guest) on Chapter 2 Thu 11 Jul 2024 05:02AM UTC

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deliberatemistake on Chapter 2 Wed 24 Jul 2024 06:45PM UTC

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