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Asajj lay in Obi-Wan’s embrace, comfortable and content. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for Obi-Wan. It had started off well, with the two of them drifting to sleep the night before after tender caresses and loving kisses. But while Asajj dreamt of love, Obi-Wan dreamt of death.
It started with his Master run through and Ky shot down. For some reason, they were together. And then, Obi-Wan was butchering Maul and then the shaft turned into the crumbling wall on Utapau with a sinkhole full of molten, churning lava, which Obi-Wan was falling toward. And then Anakin was there, maimed and trying desperately to claw his way out of the fire’s reach and Obi-Wan was in the lake and Anakin was screaming that he hated him and Obi-Wan was trying to scream in anguish but was cut off by Anakin Force choking him. In a panic, Obi-Wan flung out a hand and heard a distant thump and a muffled curse. Starting awake, he looked in the direction of the sound and saw Asajj on the floor, some fifteen feet from the bed. Obi-Wan gasped in horror and turned away, burying his head in his pillow in shame.
Asajj carefully sat up and touched her temple, which had a discernible lump. She rubbed it gingerly and hissed sharply. She rolled her shoulders back and forth and found they would be okay, if a little stiff temporarily. She touched her ribs and though they were superficially bruised, they’d be fine. Fortunately, the couch wasn’t far off the floor so nothing was broken and the fall didn’t dislocate anything. She got to her feet and approached Obi-Wan slowly. "Dearest," she called softly.
Obi-Wan curled up as small as he could, still hiding his face. In his distress, he’d neglected his shields, and Asajj felt grief and fear from him. Partly, she realized sadly, he was afraid of her. How could she help him if he feared her?
"Master," Obi-Wan whispered brokenly. "Why did you go alone? We should have attacked together. I’m so sorry."
Asajj found herself pitying Obi-Wan, again. But the last time had been physical and she knew how to snap him out of it and get him moving. Now, she was at a loss. She remembered missing her own Master, but the grief had quickly turned to rage, so she didn’t really know what it was like to become overwhelmed by regret. Indeed, if she ever felt guilty or sad, she quickly turned those emotions into hatred and anger. But Obi-Wan was a Jedi and to allow such emotions to dominate was against their training. In any case, Obi-Wan needed love and reassurance. That’s what she would want if she felt as he did. "Obi-Wan, you didn’t really hurt me, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve survived a heck of a lot worse than this. I’m not upset. It was an accident."
Obi-Wan shivered, but risked a glance over his shoulder in her direction. He touched their bond tentatively and she sent concern and sympathy.
"Just some bruised ribs and a bump on the head. Nothing serious," Asajj stated matter-of-factly.
Obi-Wan turned toward her and sat up. Asajj sat on the edge of the couch but angled toward him. His frown was skeptical. "Head injuries can be more serious than they seem," he murmured.
Asajj scoffed. "You think I wouldn’t know a serious injury? I’m a warrior just like you. I think I’d know the difference. Or are you calling me a liar?"
"Wha…No…" Obi-Wan turned away again and this time, he was present enough to erect his shields and close the bond.
Asajj sighed. He’d only been trying to make sure of her health. Why did she immediately think he was accusing her? Maybe because that’s all you know, she thought bitterly. Only Ky had been truly good to her, but his influence was too brief to make a lasting impact against the business deals and misguided trust that pervaded her life before and after him. Still, impact her it did, and she thought about her interactions with him to try to find something that would get Obi-Wan to trust her again. "Obi-Wan, I didn’t mean…" she trailed off, no longer seeing the point.
The bond opened again, though Obi-Wan’s shields held firm as he reached out a hand and gently touched her head injury. Asajj felt him probing it with the Force, eyes closed and fingers gliding over and around it as he checked for fractures or brain injury. Opening his eyes, he nodded. "Seems okay, but I’m not convinced yet. Maybe in a couple hours."
"It’s fine, darling," Asajj grumbled in exasperation. "It’s not like this is the first time I’ve fallen on my head."
"mmmm," Obi-Wan grunted. "You’re probably right, but I’d hate to see your intelligence go to waste because you were too proud to accept help."
"Right, Kenobi, and you’ve never done that? Pretended to be fine when you weren’t?"
Obi-Wan was silent.
Asajj smirked smugly.
Obi-Wan withdrew again. Asajj felt it rather than saw it. He remained in his same position, but she knew she’d said the wrong thing again. "You mentioned your Master. I don’t think you realize you said it aloud. I’m sorry you lost him," she said in the gentlest voice Obi-Wan had ever heard.
Obi-Wan met her eyes, arms folded across his chest. "Thank you," he said quietly, sincerely. "It shouldn’t bother me after all this time, but it was a horrific experience. Maul was truly something out of a nightmare."
"Ky’s death still bothers me. While I’d seen death before, it was the first time I’d actually seen anyone killed. And that’s different. And my vengeance was the first time I killed a sentient. So my first experience with murder was good, unfortunately. It’s probably why I reveled in it and still enjoy it these days if I can justify doing it."
"My first experience killing was because it was necessary. Master and I were fighting guards who had intent to kill us. So I don’t enjoy it for its own sake."
Asajj didn’t answer. She reached out and touched his arm, but he shook his head. He was not angry, but was not yet himself, either. Focusing on the bond, she noted the sorrow and fear were still there, only on the back burners so to speak. Indeed, they were beginning to overwhelm him again because she’d stopped distracting him. Asajj felt a stab of frustration, which Obi-Wan immediately tried to apologize for along their bond, but she pushed him away somewhat harshly and shook her head vehemently. "No," Asajj snarled at him, "don’t apologize for my reaction. It’s not helpful and it’s unnecessary. My imperfection isn’t your problem. And if you’re apologizing for what you feel, don’t bother. Whatever triggered this is probably quite justified. I’m mad at myself, really."
Obi-Wan actually made a frustrated whimpering sound and lay down again, their strained relations adding another layer to his guilt and pain.
Asajj inwardly berated herself. This was so not her element. But she couldn’t just leave him like that. He’d reacted favorably to sympathy. She just wished she knew how to show him she cared. Or maybe how to say the right thing. She closed their bond and sat on Obi-Wan’s meditation mat, trying to think. Just sitting there immediately began to quiet her emotions, the link clearly established between place and serenity. She imagined Obi-Wan there with her, as they sometimes meditated together at night. And she thought about love and all the trouble Obi-Wan went to on her account, how patient he was, how easily he showed kindness and compassion. And she searched her memory for things he said about love, things he recognized as love. And then, she hit on it. And thanks to Ky, she knew how to make it happen.
Asajj headed toward the kitchen and set to work, using the Force to summon a tray, the teapot, and two cups. When the tea was ready, she brought it to the little table. Obi-Wan was sitting on the edge of his couch, watching her with curiosity and happiness. He smiled and came over to join her as she carefully poured the first cup and handed it to him. She poured her own serving and met his eyes. "I hope it turned out okay. It’s actually a commonality with the Masters in my life, strangely enough. They all liked tea, so I got a fair bit of practice in. My first owner didn’t like tea, but he doesn’t count."
Obi-Wan chuckled quietly and took a careful sip. His smile widened to a grin. "You’re a natural, darling. Thank you very much."
Asajj exhaled with relief and opened their bond, full of affection and a love Obi-Wan couldn’t quite put into words. Asajj, meanwhile, was feeling quite satisfied with her success.
"You should be," Obi-Wan said teasingly, "satisfied, I mean. Particularly because I didn’t make it easy for you." Seeing Asajj had no response, he continued. "I’m sorry about injuring you. Not to give you another reason to be angry, but I thought you were Anakin. I mean, not you exactly, but you happened to be in the way."
"I felt a lot of fear and panic when you pushed me. So you were afraid of Skywalker? I thought you fought him because you were angry he betrayed you."
"I was angry about that. But yes, I feared him as well. He was trying to Force choke me. And contrary to what you may think about Anakin being maimed, I was horrified by what I’d done and there’s a lot of grief and guilt that I didn’t train him well enough."
Asajj scowled. "We’ve been over this, so I won’t repeat what you already know. What else happened in your dream?"
"Ky died with Qui-Gon. But he was shot. And then I was plummeting from the wall of an Utapau sinkhole toward a lake of molten rock and Anakin was screaming that he hated me."
Asajj moved to kneel beside Obi-Wan and cupped his chin in her palm, letting him swallow his mouthful of tea before kissing his lips with all the empathy and compassion she was capable of. She didn’t like Skywalker but she could tell Obi-Wan was terribly grieved, and if Obi-Wan said he hated her, she’d probably fall apart. So she could understand why he felt that way.
Obi-Wan, for his part, moved so Asajj was reclining against his chest, her head on his shoulder and his arms around her waist. They savored the contact for some minutes before Obi-Wan got them more tea and kissed his darling on the cheek. Asajj smiled and they finished the pot in a companionable silence.
At length, Asajj lay on the couch and stared meaningfully at Obi-Wan, who saluted her and lay next to her, his hands roaming her body slowly. He touched the bump on her head and said, "I guess you were right. It wasn’t serious. But next time, we might not be so lucky."
"You worry too much," Asajj chided. "We can mitigate the risk easily enough. You can bet I’m not going to stop sleeping with you because of one accident. Don’t tell me you can’t sleep with me. I’m not putting myself through such torture and won’t allow you to do it to me, either." She put her arms around him and rested her head against his chest in a show of intimacy and trust.
"Thank you," he laughed, rolling onto his back and making himself comfortable. "I seem to have a penchant for dropping women."
"So glad I’m so cherished," Asajj said, half-sarcastic and half-seductive. She smiled teasingly.
"Asajj, that…That’s…" He chuckled and pulled her into a warm, passionate kiss before gently positioning her on her own pillow next to his, one arm under her waist. Asajj sighed happily and slid an arm under his neck, her other hand captured in his free one. They were facing each other and Asajj was stroking his hand soothingly. When his eyes drifted shut, Asajj stole a final goodnight kiss, until the morrow.