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Oluapland was a strange, strange place.
I mean, with the kind of people living in it, was it really any surprise? The wildlife there looked downright deranged, and half the people in it were murderers of some sort. Even the nicer ones there had crazy shit up their sleeves.
Strange, telekinetic powers.
A literal state of mind dedicated to assisting others.
A cooking utensil that destroyed the mind of any who wore it.
However, despite everything, Freak World had its own holidays. Smissmas- Christmas to us- especially was favored around the city, as many of the Freaks and Monsters were eager to get their presents from Santa Soldier.
One particular Freak, the well mannered Polite Spy, was kicking his feet happily as he read through a book. He thought of nice times with all his friends, and wondered what they were all doing for Smissmas.
Then, he got an idea.
Jolting upright, he caught the attention of his younger sibling, the well mannered murderer Gentlespy.
“....What’s got you so excited, frere?”
“Gentle, you know what’d be fun? A holiday party!!”
The red clad Spy’s expression shifted to a scowl. “Ugh. No it wouldn’t. The last thing I need is to deal with a bunch of maniacs destroying everything.”
Polite’s happy expression remained unfaltered. “Awwww, but it’d be so fun! We could invite Chris!”
Gentlespy perked up.
“And Painis-”
Gentlespy scowled again.
“-and Inty and Spyper and Weaselcake and Bugler and Demopan and Karma an-”
The younger Spy let out an annoyed sigh, rolling her eyes. “If I say yes to this party, can I kill someone if they destroy anything?”
Polite Spy gave her a blank stare for a moment, before shrugging. “I don’t see why not!”
Gentlespy gave a grin. “Then so be it.”
It took a surprisingly short amount of time for Polite to make invitations and send them to almost every Freak in the damn area. It helped that Polite viewed everyone as his friend, despite the many internal disagreements amongst them. Gentlespy decided to get her knives prepared, figuring she’d get the excuse to kill someone at the party for messing up their neat house. Hell, she bet it wouldn’t take more than a few minutes for somebody to kill somebody else.
Soon, the twins had set everything up. Now it was just time to wait for everybody to show up. The first to arrive was Christian Brutal Sniper, of course, since he was the two Spies’ closest friend. Reluctantly, the Sniper Freak was stuck in a suit, since the twins decided “formalwear” was one of the requirements. He tugged at the neck of the outfit, muttering to himself.
“Did’ja have ta make it a fancypants gig? I bloody hate suits.” He huffed, to which Gentlespy, in a noticeably better mood, went to go adjust the tie he messed up.
“Come now, I think you look good in a suit.” The RED Spy teased, to which Polite added. “You look nice!!” Chris rolled his eyes, but perked up when Pure teleported in next to him, wearing his own usual outfit, with his wings folded behind him.
“Doesn’t he? You know, I picked it out myself.” The angel explained.
Gentlespy scowled yet again. “Of course you did.”
The rest of the Freaks showed up sometime afterwards, all wearing various kinds of formalwear. A couple of almost fights broke out in the beginning, but with some help requested, things soon took a turn for the better.
Of course, there was still chaos to be had. Oluapland’s infamous Freak family, Ass Pancakes, Painis Cupcake, and RubberFruit, were causing their own fair share of mischief. The youngest was putting up mistletoe at alarming speeds, the middle was making quick work of the snack table (thankfully, there were plenty of Freaks who could summon food to replace it), and the eldest was pocketing goods from everybody he could.
Gentlespy wasn’t surprised at the shenanigans, but was able to dispel it with yet another request to his older brother.
“Isn’t this party fun, Gentle? Everybody’s having such a good time!” Polite asked his little sibling as they observed the other Freaks, who were mostly chatting amongst themselves, some exchanging gifts, some eating food, and some having already had a bit too much nog.
Gentlespy rolled his eyes, having found himself snickering at an argument a drunken Pyrogun (how the fuck does he even drink??) had gotten into with Soldine and Scombine.
“Yeah, sure, I guess. It’s mostly fun to watch them make fools of themselves.” She said, motioning over to another set of Freak twins, the Cakehole duo, who were currently arguing about the edibility of mistletoe.
“...Is mistletoe not poisonous?” Polite asks.
“To humans, yeah. We’re not exactly human. I wonder if it does the same to Freaks.” Gentlespy said curiously, before his attention snapped to the younger Cakehole.
“I’ll give you $50 if you eat it.”
Cakehole Piss’ eyes widened. “HELL YEAH!! FREE MONEY!”
He immediately grabbed the mistletoe hung up over him and stuffed it into his mouth, much to Medizard’s- who was standing nearby, thankfully right out of kissing range- disgust.
Gentle and Polite Spy stared at this in genuine bewilderment for a moment, before they looked between themselves.
“Right. Well. Great to know that this party is already heading towards chaos. Such is, for our fellow Freaks.” Gentlespy said bluntly. Polite Spy chuckled sheepishly in response.
“Maybe we should have dinner soon??”
“...That’s probably for the best. Let’s just hope that brute didn’t eat it all already.”
The twins made their way to the kitchen, happy to find that their usual assortment was untouched. “I think Stu is keeping him distracted with food, thank God.” Gentle sighs bluntly.
“Well, go on Polite. I’ll need you to help get everybody seated, while I get the table ready.
Polite stood still for a moment, before suddenly rushing over to the main room. Yelps of surprise could be heard as the older Freak took what Gentle said quite literally, beginning to force Freaks into their seats. Gentlespy, meanwhile, nonchalantly put food on the table, ducking and weaving over and under Polite’s chaotic commanded ways.
Soon, after every Freak was either sitting at the table, or sitting SOMEWHERE in the house, Polite went back to Gentlespy, an innocent smile on his face.
“Great. Good evening Freaks, Freakettes, Freakborgs, and uh… Whatever you are.” Gentlespy says, pointing at Karma Soldier.
“I am an angel, brought here to protect tho-”
“That’s great. Anyway, Merry Smissmas and all that. You guys better enjoy the food me and Polite made here. It was my brother’s idea for the party, so thank him.” She says as he points at Polite Spy, who gives a sweet bow.
A cacophony of “thanks” and “Thank you”s could be heard, before Polite began to speak. “Yes, how wonderful it is to see you all, and how we all can put aside our differences temporarily to have a lovely feast together!” A few of the Freaks glared at their respective enemies for a moment, but were quickly shut down by a surprisingly terrifying glare from Polite Spy.
“Yes, well. Let’s just eat. Then, you’re free to stay as long as you like, or leave right after. Just don’t break anything, or I’ll kill you. You can go right back to hating each other afterwards.” Gentlespy explains, before taking her own seat at the table.
It didn’t take the Freaks long to begin to grab food and chow down, some messier (Painis, Christian, Sniper Side Spyper), some neater (every Spy Freak invited, Intelligent Heavy, Medizard), and some, just downright strange (Weaselcake’s frog style, Pyrogun..somehow, Snyphurr staring at the wall as his grotesque head ate fruitcake).
Once every Freak had gotten their fair share (at least, every Freak except Painis), some of them decided to leave after the feast, but a few stayed behind to chat, drink eggnog, and watch the Christmas specials on TV.
Sure, Freak World was a place of chaos, insanity and near constant fighting, but even these maniacs can understand the basics of Christmas cheer.
…Mostly. Some of them started fighting right after they left.
Cough. Painis and Christian. Cough.