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Regulus couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but at some point in the last years, he had started rejecting physical touch. It wasn’t a conscious decision. It felt more like his body had forgotten that hands could be gentle instead of violent.
Even if the other person did not intend to hurt him, his mind seemed to be convinced that they did. Better to forego touching in its entirety, he thought.
In the back of his mind, he knew exactly why that was the case. But no one besides Sirius would truly understand.
The changes came gradually: It started with keeping a distance when standing or sitting next to others. A while later, Regulus got rid of all his short sleeved clothes, to minimise the probability of someone else’s hands on his skin. He also stopped holding his hand out to greet others and simply nodded when he had to be polite to his parents’ guests. When someone jostled him in the hallways, they would instantly get hexed, meaning other students started carefully walking around him at all times.
As they got older, Regulus’ friends seemed to be more and more obsessed with hugging and holding each other. Especially Pandora showed them affection by touching, and Merlin knew the group needed some affection in their life. Not Regulus though. He never felt the desire to do the same as his friends and when they had tried the first few times, he had instantly evaded their hands and made up excuses of going to the library.
After some time, everyone accepted it. It was known in the Slytherin common room and a while later in the whole of Hogwarts that Regulus did not tolerate being touched by others. The ones who did not respect that, risked their hands or more.
——————
When he was seventeen though, everything changed. Voldemort was defeated and his parents were sentenced to a life in Azkaban. Suddenly, Regulus lived with the Potters and was reunited with his brother.
Living in a house with Effie and Monty wasn’t awful. They respected his space and never forced him to do anything he didn’t want. He could borrow their books whenever he wanted and decorate his room to his taste.
Life at the Potters’ was peaceful really. There was no part of him that missed his parents’ cold and dark house and the way they had treated him.
The only problem with his living situation was James Potter, his brother’s idiotic but also stupidly handsome best friend, who really had an issue with boundaries.
When James had put his hand on Regulus’ shoulder the first time, while absently talking with Sirius, Regulus had flinched so violently that James had looked at him like a kicked puppy for the rest of the day.
Two weeks later, the older boy did it again, by accident. They were sitting on the living room sofa, when James laid his hand on Regulus’ thigh. This time, he hadn’t moved a muscle. But James must have realised how he had tensed up suddenly. He looked into Regulus’ eyes, with an alarmed expression on his face and then took his hand back.
Another time, James had crept up behind Regulus to whisper something in his ear. The sudden, close contact had startled him, which lead to a painful stinging hex that made James rub his shoulder for a couple hours.
These little incidents had happened again and again, which seriously annoyed Regulus, but also led to a few tears at night when no one could see him.
He wasn’t a fool; he knew he fancied James. Had fancied him for years actually. And maybe, just maybe, James felt similarly. Regulus could sense the other boy’s gaze on him more often than not and there had definitely been some flirty comments.
But if he couldn’t even tolerate James’ hand on his arm, then nothing could come out of it, he thought.
——————
A while later though, a solution emerged.
Regulus could transform into a black cat because… well, little brothers did like to copy their older brothers, even if he would never admit it to Sirius.
On a warm, sunny afternoon, a few weeks before Regulus would return to Hogwarts for his last year, he went out on a stroll in his Animagus form. The heat was more bearable this way and he liked climbing in the huge oak tree in the garden. While he laid on his favourite branch, he could see James making his way to the tree. The older boy had a book in his hand and went on to lay down against the tree trunk, in the cool shade.
After a few minutes of deliberation, Regulus went down to investigate. He was quite curious, especially as a cat.
As soon as James saw him, his eyes went round.
“Oh Merlin, you are adorable. Where did you come from?”
The boy held his hand in front of Regulus, so he could smell him. Regulus did and then nudged his nose against James’ fingers. Two of them started scratching his forehead, which was actually quite pleasant.
When James started caressing his back though, Regulus instantly went out of his reach.
“Sorry, little one. You don’t trust easily, it seems.”
Regulus watched him wearily.
“Don’t worry, I know someone else just like you. And what did Sirius say? ‘Have patience, James’. So I guess I’ll just wait until you come to me.”
Regulus had a feeling he knew who James was talking about.
The older boy laid back down against the tree and started reading his book, but also stretched his left arm out towards Regulus. A part of him wanted to run away into the forest and leave James by himself, but the stubborn part of him simply didn’t want to give up.
After a minute of considering, he put his head against James’ hand to show his approval. The boy smiled and his hand immediately started stroking between Regulus’ ears again. They stayed that way for a while until he decided he had reached his limit for today.
Before he disappeared in the trees again, James whispered, “Bye little one, please come back tomorrow.”
Regulus knew he would.
Maybe this was the solution. Maybe he could train himself not to shy away from James’ touch. If he could tolerate it as a cat and learn to fully trust James, there was at least some hope for his actual human life.
When he came back into the house a while later, James excitedly told Sirius and him about the ‘adorable little cat’ he had met this afternoon. Regulus reluctantly smiled at that.
——————
The day after, Regulus earned himself the cat name ‘Bean’ because apparently he was “such a precious little bean”. He kind of liked the name (even if he wouldn’t admit it to anyone), so he allowed James to scratch the spot under his chin. The boy rewarded him with a treat he had brought.
The following afternoon, he decided to let James pet his back too. The head scratches were nice, but he was starting to get greedy. These gentle and warm hands were addicting.
At first, Regulus stood still, not sure what to think. Minutes later though, he couldn’t stop himself from purring. Everything felt more simple as a cat, and James’ touch was just so wonderfully relaxing.
The boy cooed.
“I see I finally have your approval… oh you are such a sweet little Bean.”
He continued to stroke his fur and realised how Regulus especially loved to be scratched at a certain spot on his right side. It felt so soothing that Regulus went on to lay across James’ chest for another hour, loudly purring. The whole time, James whispered sweet and calming words to him.
When Regulus stood back up and went into the forest to change his form again, James said “Please come back to me, bean boy.”
Regulus wished he could communicate that there was no doubt about that.
——————
When he came back into the house an hour later, he met Effie and James in the kitchen.
“Where did you just come from?” James asked conversationally.
“Oh, just a walk in the forest.”
“You’ve been on a lot of walks these last few days,” Effie remarked with a smile.
“Helps me think.”
“Huh,” James said and squinted his eyes at him.
Before his flushed cheeks could betray him, Regulus went up to his room. There, he lay on the bed for the rest of the day, dreaming of James’ gentle hands.
——————
After that, their little afternoon cuddling session became a part of both their routines. Most days, Regulus was already waiting for James on his favourite branch. They would spend hours just laying around. Sometimes James was reading and absently petting Regulus, other times he brought a ball of yarn or feathers he charmed to make them levitate. Regulus sometimes questioned his sanity when chasing the floating feathers but it was so fun!!
One day, Regulus was so tired after having spent the entire night writing letters to his friends, that he closed his eyes and fell asleep as soon as James started softly caressing him.
When he woke up a while later, he automatically smiled as he could feel James’ warm chest cushioning his head. He had never felt so comfortable and safe in his life, he thought. Besides those nights as a little boy when he crept into Sirius’ bed after a nightmare.
James’ cuddles were slightly better though. Regulus never wanted to move again.
He opened his eyes and moments later, panic seized him. He felt heavy. Way too heavy for a cat. And when he looked down, he saw his human body, not his cat form. Regulus wanted to change back as fast as possible, but a hand lightly touched his jaw. Regulus looked up. James didn’t look mad or betrayed, rather amused by what he saw.
“Regulus. Stop freaking out. I knew it was you.”
Damn. He could feel his blood rushing to his face.
“How?” he asked with a small voice.
“Not once in my life have I seen you go on a walk on the Hogwarts grounds. And believe me, I’ve observed you quite a lot. Also, you weirdly resemble your Animagus form. You’re both seriously adorable.”
Regulus grumbled. James chuckled.
Then he realised that they were still lying quite closely next to each other. Technically, he was lying on James. This would not have been possible weeks ago.
And because Regulus was a Slytherin to his core, he challenged himself to go a step further and took the other boy’s hand in his. James looked surprised for a few seconds, but then lightly squeezed his hand in return.
Regulus let out a shuddering breath. It felt alright, pleasant even when he reminded himself that James was the same person that had petted him to sleep a few hours ago. There was no reason for him to suddenly change, especially if he had known that Bean and Regulus were one and the same.
“I know this isn’t easy for you,” James whispered. “And you should know that I’m incredibly proud of you.”
Regulus fought to keep the tears out of his eyes.
“You can always tell me ‘no’. And I swear, I’ll step back the moment you do. I promise, Regulus.”
A single tear escaped.
“Alright.”
James shifted so that his lips were closer to Regulus’ forehead.
“Can I?”
Regulus blushed and nodded. James went on to put his hands on the sides of his face and then pressed a warm kiss above his eyebrow. Regulus was sure that he had never felt such a soft and comforting touch in his life.
James’ face lit up like the sun when he heard Regulus sigh.
“I do hope I get to cuddle Bean from time to time too. I rather liked having a cat.” He chuckled.
Regulus sat up and turned around so that he was face to face with James.
“Bean can’t do this, though.”
And then he took all the bravery he had in him and pressed his lips to James’ lips.