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"Can't you stay a little longer?"
A sweet, lingering kiss pressed morosely against his bare shoulders, and the heavy arms that encircled him held on just a little tighter in stubborn defiance of the brightening day.
Xie Tian sighed. "Bixia."
Your Majesty.
His bedfellow grunted in displeasure, clearly protesting his returning to formalities.
Xie Tian tried to steel his resolve, but failed, which these days was a regular occurrence. He gave the hand that spanned his waist a gentle squeeze. "If we don't get up now we'll both be late for court assembly."
The arms loosened, resigning. His lover sighed.
Xie Tian sat up, stretching his limbs and gathering his unbound hair to one side. Despite his words, he could not help the reluctance and longing that threatened to pull him back down, back to that familiar body and those possessive arms and the comfort of a well-slept in bed. Glancing behind, Xie Tian saw the young emperor - only a year and half his senior yet with the weight of the nation on his shoulders - gazing up at him, the affection in those dark eyes evident even in the haziness of the tulle canopy.
"I'll see you soon."
"It's not the same." A warm wide palm swept over his back, finger tips tracing the flow of his spine down to his sacrum. "Seeing you in court, speaking to you from up on that throne, having to feign indifference towards you -"
"-Is necessary. Shen Rui, you know - "
"I know," Shen Rui interrupted him irately, turning onto his back and looking away. "…But I still want you. Not just as my reading companion, or my best friend, or my lover. I want you -" Shen Rui picked up a strand of Xie Tian's hair and twirled it gently around his finger as he mumbled wistfully. "- as my empress."
Xie Tian could say nothing to that, except fight the tightness in his chest and the stinging sensation creeping up his nose.
Damn it, Shen Rui. They had such a perfect night, why did the idiot have to ruin it by saying shit like this in the morning. Xie Tian emerged from canopy and padded his way to the brazier where a basin of warmed water, clean towels and the emperor's luxurious pine soap was waiting for him.
He picked up the soap, and went about giving himself a quick wash. As it was, he'd have to come up with some plausible explanation why he did not return home last night. He could always say he slept at the office of the Central Secretariat, which had always been his excuse before… but would his parents believe him…
Probably not.
He might has well say he spent the night philandering at a brothel -- that was probably more easily explainable than whatever the hell was going on between him and the emperor. He really didn't want to stir the pot any more at a junction like this, when the whole family was on a high alert and his Father was going off the rails with paternal protectiveness.
Mother was absolutely no help. Or…perhaps she would've been more inclined to help if his sister hadn't been straight up insane.
---
Three days ago, he had run into his sister on the street, speeding home on horse back. Apparently, her maids had sent her a messenger pigeon telling her Zhang Lei had suddenly been arrested on charges of incompetence and mishandling of a recent fraud case.
Yun'er had been on her way to confront their father, but Xie Tian knew they needed a voice of reason. With Mother out of town, the next best thing was their grandfather. By the time grandfather had sent them back to Xie Manor with the promise that all will be well, Mother had returned from the temple and was getting filled in on the drama that had occurred in her absence.
Xie Tian had denied to heaven and back, swore on his life that nothing remotely untoward was happening between himself and Minister Zhang's only daughter. Because that was the truth.
"Just friends, Father, I swear! I have no inkling of any kind of sentiment towards her other than friendship! We were there at the market as meimei's chaperone -- not that she needed it. Zhang-xiong is a junzi, he would never compromise -"
"And so what if he has?!" Xie Yun interrupted him, livid.
When asked, Xie Yun's family would tell you that she took after her mother Jiang Xuening - beautiful, clever, with a hard exterior that was most ironically pervious to a pair of earnest, honest eyes.
This was true.
But unfortunately, she also took after her father Xie Wei and his caprice that had the dangerous potential of becoming devastating if left unchecked. When it came to matters of sentiment, this made sure that like her father, Xie Yun was totally and utterly unhinged.
"So what if he has compromised me?! I am his and he is mine. Father, you compromised Mother before you were married. I fail to see the reason behind your persecution of this matter now."
Xue Ju'An had the decency to appear somewhat awkward while Jiang Xuening sprayed the sip of tea she just took right across the room. Catching her breath, she shot her husband a sharp, scathing glare. I am his and he is mine. Why, those words sounded awfully familiar. Wonder where their little girl learned it from.
Xie Tian winced. Mother couldn't exactly expect them to not know, right? Sure, as babies they came out small - Uncle Yan Lin used to say they were the size of large turnips - but that was because they were twins and not because they were "premature" as their parents liked to claim they were. Besides, if even after twenty years, he still had to endure catching his folks being gross with each other on a semi-regularly basis -- really Father, kissing Mother? In broad day light? At breakfast? What is wrong with you? -- he highly doubted they were able to keep their hands off each other back in the days.
"It's good that you know about Zhang Lei and I. I wasn't planning on keeping it a secret anyway. I am his, and he is mine. No matter imprisonment or death, I will not part from him."
With that, his sister left in a huff. Ever since, Father has kept her under house arrest, and wrote to her supervising officers at the regimen camp that she shall be excused from duty for the foreseeable future.
No one dared to ask why the Prime Minister, who was famously guilty of being an overly indulgent and doting father, would do such a thing. Though about a dozen of Xie Yun's regimen sisters probably could hazard a guess.
---
"I'm sorry -" The gentle apology came abruptly, jolting Xie Tian from his thoughts.
Shen Rui draped his inner robe over his lover's shoulders. "It's autumn now. Careful or you'll catch a chill. The Central Secretariat would be bereft without its Xie-sheren." Taking the towel from Xie Tian's hand, he turned the man around and wiped the small bit of soap still clinging to his chin.
The act was so gentle, so tender. Xie Tian blushed, which…what the hell, he was hardly a green maiden.
Shen Rui cleared his throat sheepishly. "I'm sorry. Earlier, I shouldn't have mentioned… that."
Xie Tian knew what he should say. He was taught well after all. By his father. By his myriad of tutors and mentors. He was the only son of the Xie family. The youngest zhuangyuan of the last century. The Secretariat's sheren. His Majesty's loyal subject. His faithful servant.
He should…
"Bixia, I - should - I should -" Leave. Go.
But he doesn't want to.
He thought of his sister - his fierce, clever sister who like their father was a purist when it came to love. She will love unapologetically and she will marry unapologetically - there's not much to overthink. And Zhang Lei - gods, his parents really must be senile if they thought Minister Zhang's one true protégé could be corrupted to act against decorum, that he would lay a finger on Yun'er without the whole eighteen yards of protocol and etiquettes. As it was, Zhang Lei and Xie Yun had never done more than hold hands and blush at each other, dreaming of a rose-gold future that they were sure to have.
Mother and Father had always fussed over Yun'er more than him. Mother especially had worried incessantly over the last couple of years that Yun'er would be ensnarled by the same illustrious titles and hollow prestige that seduced all the other ladies of the capital.
Promise me, Yun'er, promise A-Niang you would never step foot into Kunning Palace. Never seek the phoenix crown.
Yun'er had laughed at the seriousness in Jiang Xuening's eyes, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder whilst strapping her wrist guards in place. Aiya A-Niaannnng, what are you talking about? Of course I'm not interested in being empress. Why would you think I'd be interested in a silly thing like that? Alright, I'm off. Don't wait up for me for dinner!
A silly thing -- his sister had called it a silly thing, oblivious of the fact that what she had dismissed with a flick of her ponytail was everything he could just about burn the world for…
Xie Tian supposed it was the natural order of things; daughters were to be guided, protected, and armed against the onslaught of the unequitable world. And sons….well sons were supposed to figure it out and do the right thing.
Whatever the "right" thing was supposed to be.
Xie Tian gazed at the man , the monarch, the Son of Heaven, before him, and not for the first time, lamented at the irony of it all. Father and Mother never had anything to worry about when it came to his sister. Rather, it was him, the supposed "golden child" of the two, who they ought to have kept a closer eye on.
Shen Rui frowned at the increasingly mournful look in his lover's eyes. "What's wrong, Xie Tian? Did I scare you? With the empress talk - you know I - "
Xie Tian surged forward, burying his face into the crook of Shen Rui's neck. He could not bear to hear any more of the other man's professing. It was all follies anyway. How could he be the empress? Shen Rui already had an empress - even if it was all a farce, a pre-meditated arrangement, even if Empress Gu and her lady-in-waiting Zhang Ruoyao had a secret of their own. Xie Tian was man. What he could do for Shen Rui was limited to the political arena of the imperial government and the dim sanctuary ensconced by the canopy.
When he imagined the worst, it was never the damnation of his family's reputation, the subversion of his father's authority in court, the besmirching of his mother's honour in society, or the utter annihilation of his own political career that scared him. It was the idea that he would ruin now and forever the legacy of Shen Rui's rule.
A year ago, when he was set to write the imperial exam, he had registered under a pseudonym and went in under disguise that he'd paid a jianghu swindler a handsome amount to help him create. Even Father had no idea, thinking he was still young and not ready. When the grades were posted, it took a day and a half for the registrar's office to sort out the identity debacle. Still, Xie Tian had achieved the result he wanted. He had lived his whole life as the Prime Minister's son and the Emperor's best mate. When he rode through the capital in ribbons and splendor, ahead of the second and third-ranked scholar, with maidens' flowers raining down on him and admiration in the eyes of all, he knew this time no one could dispute the validity of his accomplishment nor attribute it to his father's influence or the emperor's favour.
Too many sons of the gentry and nobility thrived based on nothing but their privilege. Xie Tian didn't want to be like them. He wanted to be someone worthy of standing beside Shen Rui.
Shen Rui was a good man, a kind man. As a ruler, he was diligent and decisive; one would be so lucky to have a emperor like him in every dynasty. As for cleverness… Xie Tian was confident that he was clever enough for the both of them. He would never let anything happen to Shen Rui, not as long as he lived.
"You are my emperor. My liege. My master. I am your subject, at your command, to live and die by your will in the service of your realm, now and always."
"Xie Tian," Shen Rui pulled back to cradle his face in his hands, pressing their foreheads together. "You don't have to do this. I love you. I love you.
"And I could ruin you."
A cut-sleeve monarch. A deviant who loved a beauty more than his nation.
"No, no. You are my joy. And you should be my empress."
To hear those words out loud, something inside Xie Tian quaked.
In that moment, Xie Tian hated himself, hated that despite knowing full well that he should, he still couldn't let go. Not of the man, nor of the liege, nor of the idea of that he was the one who deserved to sit beside Shen Rui on the throne, whose name should appear next to his in the history books, and whose tomb he would share 'till kingdom come.
He deserved to be anointed for the phoenix crown.
He deserved to assume command of Kunning Palace and be master of the harem.
He let himself be held, submitting to this desperate and ardent embrace as if it was the only entity capable of restraining his anxieties and delusions.
"I am your empress." Xie Tian whispered against Shen Rui's skin, held so tight he could barely breathe. "I know I am your empress."
---
The sun was peaking over the palace walls by the time court assembly gathered.
Zhang Zhe walked by himself, back straight and alone. Most people knew his son was arrested not three days ago. Most people have been too afraid to approach him.
"Zhang-daren."
Prime Minister Xie, the issuer of the arrest warrant, had no such qualms. His ambivalent professional relationship with Zhang Zhe has never been overtly friendly or outwardly adversarial. Zhang Zhe has been known to openly dine with the Xie family one night before, only to ruthlessly rebut the Prime Minister's proposals at assembly the next morning. Needless to say, it's been a very confusing twenty years for officials at court, but somehow the country is better for it.
"Prime Minister."
In a quiet tone so no others may hear, Xie Ju'An said, "The bait is set. The fish will bite. Your boy will not suffer the discomfort of imprisonment for too much longer. I surmise by the end of the week the true culprits will reveal themselves and the fraud case will be wrapped."
"So you have not explained to Yun'er that A-Lei is not truly in prison for daring to seek her affection."
"No of course not. The girl ought to experience some hardships in love before she is truly settled. It'll be good for her." At Zhang Zhe's skepticism, Xie Wei grew defensive. "Don’t look at me like that. It was Ning'er's idea."
"Ah yes, I clearly remember you had to fake dying in her arms for her to agree to marry you. Not sure that's a necessary experience for everyone."
"Perhaps you'll remember I was extensively injured. I don't think it's fair to call that 'faking'. But back to the topic at hand, I am impressed by how effectively Yun'er is planning a prison break from her room. Makes her old man proud. She's always been a robust student, not as quick as Tian'er perhaps, but definitely more versatile. Her mother and I are very pleased indeed."
Zhang Zhe slanted him a look of judgement that clearly spelled out how he felt about the Xie family's definition of a "robust" education.
Ignoring him, Xie Wei continued as though what he said was perfectly normal. "Make no mistake, I am entirely crossed that your boy did not approach me about his intentions, and I am fully expecting him to make up for it."
"Is that so? Were you not the one who openly censured the teaching of female etiquettes, calling them antiquated and moronic?"
"I am. You misunderstand me, Zhang-daren. My Yun'er may be free to love whoever she chooses but the same leniency does not extend to your son. I only have one daughter. If it is her design to marry, then she must marry well and she must marry properly. No ceremony will be spared."
"That is ridiculously contradictory."
"No, not at all."
The two arrived at the grand hall, making way through parted crowd to the front of the formation. The soft collegial chatter of those that arrived before them fell silent. The extensive fraud investigation had been the largest one since His Majesty's succession, and for months it's been the knife handing over everyone's head.
Zhang Zhe settled in his usual spot in the second row, center left of the room, directly behind Xie Ju'An.
A row ahead of him but two persons to the left was Xie Tian. As a sheren of the Central Secretariat, he fell under his own father's jurisdiction and hence was front row, but due to him being only fourth-ranked, he was more peripherally stationed than Xie Wei and Zhang Zhe.
Zhang Zhe pitied the poor official standing between father and son pretending not to exist while the father questioned the son's whereabouts last night.
"Your muqin missed you at dinner yesterday."
"I'm sorry, Father. I was delayed in my tasks, so I stayed in office. I will apologize to Mother this evening."
Zhang Zhe observed the boy. He appeared relatively well rested, if somewhat sheepish. His court robes were pressed and cleaned, not at all rumpled as one would expect if he'd stayed overnight at the office. In fact, he was over all put together, clearly having groomed and washed before assembly, even smelling faintly of pine and jasmine.
"Bixia is of age. The harem is sparce now but it will not always remain so. You're no longer a child. Your guan ceremony is next year. There will be many ladyships within the Palace, and thus will no longer be appropriate for you to stay in office overnight as before. Take care to complete your duties on time."
"Yes, Father."
Zhang Zhe watched his colleagues around him silently lament what a severe father their Prime Minister was. Most of them could only hope their son was as excellent as Xie Tian.
Just then, the eunuch announced their young emperor's arrival, and on cue, his subjects dropped to their knees in greeting.
The weather had turned for the worse since they drew closer to October. As the emperor walked him by, he footsteps carried a waft of chilly autumn wind. Zhang Zhe frowned, his suspicion jolted by the light scent in the air.
Xie Ju'An did not seem to notice, but Zhang Zhe dared to lift his eyes from the ground to cast them upon the back of the young monarch ascending the steps to his throne and then to Xie Tian, inconspicuously hidden amongst the court.
Though he now filled the role of a bureaucrat, Zhang Zhe was an investigator at heart, and as such he relied on all five of his senses more than the common man, more than most of his colleagues.
There could be no mistake, he concluded to himself, the emperor's body carried the same faint scent as Xie Ju'An son - pine and jasmine.
For legal reasons, Zhang Zhe was not a man to use profanity, but in the privacy of his own mind, he let out a single exclamation:
Shit.