Work Text:
- Do you love her?
As soon as he heard the words, he stopped. He had just gotten home from an away match played in Munchen. He was happy. They’d made themselves three points, he scored twice, reassuring their position at the top of the table. As soon as the ball hit the back of the net, both times, he thought of her, before even thinking about the team or his position as Bundesliga's top scorer. He just thought of how happy she’d be, watching the match back in Dortmund. She supported BVB since the tender age of 6, contaminated by the dominant yellow vibe of the city, that lived football every week. Every team victory was happily celebrated, and every lost, harshly felt. And every time Marco scored, he knew it’d mean a thousand times more to her than any gift he could buy, be it the most expensive jewelry or the most beautiful flower bouquet. She saw him as the driving force of the team, and of both of their lives, but Marco saw this same strength inside her.
They were together since 15, having met each other in a family party in one of her aunt’s house, in those family-and-friends gatherings that most teenagers would find boring. That Sunday would have been like any other, were it not for the fact that there was this girl there, sweet and calm, yet with this very intense hidden feeling pouring of her eyes. Soon they were dating, and haven’t stopped since then.
- Marco, do you love her?
She repeated, getting him out of his trance. Yet, he couldn’t find the words.
- No. No, I don’t. - He said, absolutely sure of his feelings. Looking at her now, sitting weakly on their black leather couch, he wondered why, for that one night, she hadn’t been enough for him.
He couldn’t find an answer.
- Then why did you cheat?
He didn’t know.
- Please, Marco. Just let me know… - He could sense her weakening. Her voice was cracking, her eyes starting to water, but she kept them firm on him. In a short time, he was a reflection of her. - Just tell me.
- I don’t know… We were all partying and they had their girls with them, or they’d just gotten someone in the club and I was a little bit drunk and-
- No, Marco! Don’t come with this lame excuse of being drunk and out of your mind! Don’t blame your stupid acts on alcohol, I want to know why you didn’t stop yourself! I want to know why there wasn’t a little voice in your head that would remind you of me. Or there was it and you just chose to ignored it?
He sat down, pushed by her words.
- What did you think? That I would never figure it out and that we could just live with it? You came home from that trip and you touched me, with the same fucking hands you used to touch her the night before!
She was crying harder now, nervously walking around the room, angry, pain and hurt mixed in her heart. Marco had no words. He didn't know what to do, he could just watch her and rethink his actions. He soon realized that she was slipping away from him, shrinking around herself.
- Forgive me, babe, please! It was only a night, just for fun, it meant nothing – The despair in his voice almost touchable.
- It meant nothing?! - She got further from him, repulsed by his mere presence, unconsciously scrubbing her arm where he had touched her.
She calmed herself a bit, but kept her back to him, facing the window, staring the cold city of Dortmund from their apartment.
- Do you think saying this makes anything better, Marco? It only proves you care so little about us that you're willing to risk everything we have for a night of fun with a woman you don't even know and that probably only cares about what you represent and what you have, and not for who you are. - She wiped a tear. - Don’t you see it, Marco? It meant everything.
Her words hit him harder than any tackle he had ever suffered, and he could only feel the truth in each one of them. Yet, he had to make her realized he did loved her more than anything in his world…
She was his world.
- It was just a mistake, I swear it won’t happen again… - She wouldn’t face him, her eyes exploring the view of the city in front of her. He knew she had crawled inside her mind, and there was little he could do to bring her back now.
- Honey, please… Listen to me, I -
And now Marco had found the words, he knew exactly what he was feeling, still, he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t find his internal voice, he couldn’t vocalize his heart. He had all these memories drifting through his mind, and still couldn’t let her know, couldn’t make her understand. It was such a frustrating sensation, bigger than any lost he ever suffered. To feel something this marvelous and not being able to express it when he needed the most. There was so much he could say, so many memories to bring her, yet, he could only say, weakly, three little words.
- I love you.
She still wouldn't look at him. He echoed himself.
- I love you.
- Marco, don't… saying you love me won't change a thing. Why is this is even important if you don't even respect me, or us? I don't doubt that you love me, I know you do… I just think it doesn't matter for you anymore… Hell, Marco, I'd never thought you could cheat on me, and now you're here, crying, on your knees, begging me to trust you once again, promising that it won't happen again.
Marco didn't know when he had gotten to his knees, or when he had passed his arms around her waist. She just stand there, too strong to bow towards him, and, in that moment, Marco hated this about her. He saw determination on her eyes while she walked away from him and around their apartment, picking some things, some memories, putting them in a bag, just ready to leave him. Only then he fully understood the consequences of his acts.
He felt even more intensely his own weakness. He was still next to the window, watching his whole world and life slipping through his hands. His eyes were full of tears, his face was already wet of them, and he'd see her as a simple glimpse, but he heard her crying. It break his heart once more.
She passed by him, silently, avoiding his desperate hands and lips, eager to touch her skin, her mind, her heart. He grow desperate.
- You can't go! Are you just gonna leave me like that? Let's just talk a bit, I know I can prove how much I love you and how much I regret what I did… Just… Don't go.
She immersed her eyes on his.
- I just want to be away from you now.
- Is it that simple for you then? - Marco put her against the wall. - You'll just grab your stuff and shut the damn door behind you and throw everything we have away and be fine?! Will you just let everything go to hell and leave?
- Why are you blaming me? You did that, Marco, not me. You broke us.
Marco looked at her, truly, and saw all the pain in her face, in her sad and puffy eyes, in her sweet lips that would turn red every time she cried.
- Just one more chance, it's all I'm asking. I love you so much and I know you love me too. I know I did wrong and for that forgive me. I know it hurts and I'm an idiot and a fool to make you go through all of this, but please… Stay with me, we can fix it. I'll fix it.
She reflected about his words and all promises they hold, and her crying only got harder.
- I love you too, Marco. The minute I get out of here I might change my mind. It may be that tomorrow I'll want to try again. But for today, I don't want to see you, I don't want you in my life, and I don't want to love you, and there's no worse feeling than this.
She passed by him one last time, got out of the apartment and shut the door behind her. Marco sat down, to numb to act. He was chaos. He felt anger, pain, regret.
And, more than anything, he felt the end.