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Wilson smiled to himself as he bought lunch for the new, hot nurse. She was young, in her mid-twenties, with cute blonde hair and great breasts. More importantly, she probably hadn’t had a chance to pick up on the rumours that floated around the hospital yet. Essentially, Wilson had a free shot at her before anyone else got to her.
“Thank you so much for doing this.” The nurse, Jennifer, he was pretty sure that was her name, smiled as she sat down.
“It’s nothing, really,” Wilson smiled. “I just thought that I should give you a proper welcome, you know, make you feel comfortable around here.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it. Really,” Jennifer smiled as she speared a leaf of lettuce with her fork. “It’s really nice having someone like me that I can talk to.”
“Well, I’m glad that I can be of help,” Wilson replied. “If there’s anything you need, please let me know.”
“Actually, do you mind if I ask you a question?” Jennifer hesitated nervously over her salad.
“Sure, go ahead.”
‘Has it been hard for you and your husband? To work here?” Wilson choked on his soda, taking a moment to breathe properly before he set his soda down and swallowed.
“My husband?” His eyes widened with surprise.
“Yeah, that guy that you’re always eating lunch with? The one with the cane?”
“Oh, House?” Wilson finally managed to breathe normally again. “We - we aren’t married.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, so he’s your partner, then?” Jennifer smiled.
“We, uh, we aren’t dating,” Wilson replied quickly. “We never have.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Jennifer blushed and shook her head. “It’s just that that’s what everyone else says.”
“What?”
“Well, all the other nurses keep telling me that you guys are married, or that you’re basically married anyways. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to assume anything, I just figured that -“
“It’s okay,” Wilson assured her, smiling gently as he tried desperately not to seethe with rage. “I guess that’s another thing you should know about this hospital. People love to gossip, even if there isn’t any truth behind it at all. I can assure you, I’m not gay and and not romantically involved with House in any capacity whatsoever.”
“Oh, okay.” Jennifer smiled.
“So now that that’s cleared up, would you like to go for a drink after work sometime?”
“Doctor Wilson, I am flattered, but I’m a lesbian.” Wilson kept smiling politely while he screamed internally. Today was just not his day.
~~~
When Wilson walked into the conference room of the Diagnostics department, it was mildly surprising that House was neither there nor in his office.
“He’s seeing a patient.” Cameron had told him.
“He’s actually seeing a patient?” Wilson raised his eyebrows.
“The man has a condition that makes him spontaneously orgasm a dozen times a day. House definitely doesn’t want to miss that.” Foreman added. Wilson nodded.
“Did you guys know that all the nurses apparently seem to think that House and I are ‘pretty much married’?” Wilson asked, but right a ways from their unsurprised faces, he could tell that the information was, in fact, nothing to raise an eyebrow at.
“Well,” Chase said hesitantly. “They’re sorta right, aren’t they? I mean, you are pretty much married.”
“We aren’t married!” Wilson protested.
“You guys spend every night together, eat lunch together nearly every day, his mom calls you instead of him because she knows that you’ll pick up. You’re a little bit married.” The two others nodded in agreement, leaving Wilson awestruck.
~~~
Later that evening, Wilson was at House’s door, bag of takeout from his best friend’s favourite Chinese place in hand when thought about just how everyone at work viewed their relationship. He hadn’t been able to get the thought of him and House, apparently dating, out of his head. He’d asked other people at the hospital too, and everyone seeemd to be convinced that they were already in a long-term committed relationship of some sort. Why else would Wilson let him eat off of his plate, or interrupt his important meetings with patients for his inane antics? Were they in a relationship? Wilson’s track record with relationships has been admittedly horrible, but at least he always knew when he had gotten into one. Had he somehow, accidentally, wandered into a relationship with House? A weird, sexless relationship where they didn’t even like each other half of the time?
“Did you know that the new hot nurse is a lesbian?” He began conversationally as he opened the door. House was lounging on the couch, watching a rerun of The Real Housewives. “And that apparently everyone in the hospital seems to think that we’re married.”
“Well that’s not surprising.”
“That she’s a lesbian or that she thinks we’re a couple?” Wilson asked.
“Both.” House replied.
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, for the hot nurse, there’s the shoes, and the Hozier poster in her locker, which really should have been a dead giveaway that she probably isn’t into dudes. And for the rumours, well we are kinda a couple.”
“We aren’t a couple!” Wilson protested.
“Oh, baby, don’t say that.” House said sarcastically, mimicking a forlorn expression with his bright blue eyes,
“I’m being serious here. How the hell can we be a couple? We - we don’t have sex, we don’t go out on dates, we just sit on the couch and watch tv together every night.”
“Yeah,” House replied. “Just like every other middle aged marriage.”
“So we’re a couple, but just without any of the actual enjoyable parts of being a couple?” Wilson flopped down onto the couch next to House, dropping the Chinese food into the coffee table in front of them.
“Yup, pretty much.” House said, opening the bag and digging into a container of Kung Pao Chicken. “That is, unless you do want the fun stuff.” Wilson raised an eyebrow.
“Just what are you proposing?”
“I dunno, anal sex, dinner. I don’t dance though.” House replied. Wilson chuckled.
“God, you’re insane.”
“You love me for it, don’t you?” House said with a mischievous grin as he leaned in for their first real kiss.