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It's been three days. We've been running for three days.
His eyes trained on my bruised arms and legs, a long sigh dragging out from his lips. His fingers gently touched the violet blotch on my forearm from our little accident just now, as if he was afraid that single touch would hurt me more.
"Are you alright?", he asked quietly. I nodded. My fingers laced around his wrist, bringing his fingers back to where they were previously. My eyes trailed over him from head to toe, making out the best of what I could see of him in this dark forest. His eyes, his nose, his lips. "It's okay", I mutter to him. "It doesn't hurt."
I am a heretic. The city wasn't an option anymore. For years I've ran and hid, but there's no more buildings to sneak into. No more walls to scurry behind. Only ashes, fire, and the Lord of Light's arbiters.
So he left his fingers there, gentle caresses accompanying every glide of his thumb against my skin. He sighed, his thumb now rested on my chin, tilting it up for me to meet his eyes. "Hey", he whispered.
His beautiful eyes. Being the youngest arbiter wasn't the only thing he was well-known for. He had the most majestic eyes in the entire Lumina City — the son of an elf and a merchant, blessed with eyes of the purest sapphire and so full of light — and I couldn't deny it.
"Hm?"
His hand slid behind my neck, the pad of his thumb brushing against the edge of my lip. He pushed my shoulder back against the damp tree trunk. I sighed.
"Xavier–"
So where am I now?
"–Will you resent me for this?"
It was hard to look away from his eyes. I can't say the thought never crossed my mind. My mind tells me to back away, yet my hands have a life of their own.
"I'm a heretic", I mutter after an eerily long pause, eyes gazing deep into his.
Well, I've been running away from the city. Far off into the forests with my saviour. Who just so happened to be the man I was running from all these years.
"And so am I."
He leaned closer, the tips of our noses touching and his warm breath hitting my cold skin.
"Push me away", he whispered, lifting my hand to his chest. It was a dare, one he knew I wouldn't do.
I sigh. "You know I won't."
"But you won't pull me in either", he says quietly, lifting my chin with his slender fingers. "So tell me that you want this and I'll do it for you."
-
There he is; Xavier, the (former) youngest Arbiter of Light, most trusted by the Lord of Light himself. Rod Sidon's favourite, always forgiven for every past mistake of his and always dragged back to his side. I didn't want to trust him at first but after witnessing the scene he had made back at the monastery — and also the fact that he had been helping me for three days without turning me in was enough reassurance.
And for the days we walked alongside each other, I bit back every little thought of him, pushed it to the very back of my head. He's an arbiter, or was, I suppose. But how could I trust him? One kiss doesn't cancel out years of slaughter. Or could it?
Maybe one couldn't. But before long one turned into two, two into three. Three into tens and tens into more than mere kisses. And we still convinced ourselves that we were just making the best of the circumstances.
-
I laid on the bed of grass, looking up at the stars. Until something else caught my eye.
He lays next to me propped up on his elbow, gazing down at me with those blue eyes that are much prettier than the stars behind him.
"What's on your mind?", he whispered. I shook my head.
"Nothing?", he laughs quietly. He leans down and kisses my forehead. "Are you cold?", he asks. A kiss on my cheek. "Hungry?" A kiss on my nose.
I giggled and shrugged at every question he threw at me, honestly just not wanting him to stop. I slid my hand up his chest, resting my palm where I can feel his heartbeat pulsing against me. It's fast.
"What's on yours?", I whisper.
"You", he replied. The way his eyes trained on me made me feel like nothing else even existed. He had this way of luring me in and making me drown in him. An ability that made weeks pass like seconds.
-
"Remember when we stargazed that night?", he asks as we gather firewood. I drop the slim twigs onto the ground and dust my hands.
"Of course I do", I reply. How could I forget? That night played in my mind on repeat like a broken record. The way his eyes lit up when he looked at me. The feel of his soft lips against every crook of my face. His milky white skin beneath my fingertips.
"You never answered me", he says. Ah, yes. "What's on your mind?", he whispered as he rolled up next to me like it was the most natural thing to do. "What was on your mind that night?"
I chuckle under my breath, sitting by the fire as I brought it to life. "Does it even matter now?"
He shakes his head. He sits next to me and I'm drawn to meet his gaze again. Bluer than the clearest skies, deeper than the most pristine seas. "No", he mutters. "But I want to know what goes on in that pretty head of yours."
I sigh. He doesn't want to know. He shouldn't know how much I enjoy being in his arms. He shouldn't know how much I love seeing him first thing in the morning when I wake up. How many kisses I've stole from him as his eyes struggle to stay awake. How many times I remind myself that this is all temporary.
"Many things", I reply.
He sighs, pulling my head against his chest. I lean against him, not rejecting the tender touches he gives me. "Won't tell me?", he mutters, a kiss on top of my head. He sighs again. "Then I won't pry."
I sigh as well, leaning into his chest. How I wished for us to be free of secrets. Free of taboo and of our traditional restrictions. Not a thousand days out in the wild could erase what his kind did to mine. Not a thousand kisses could bring back the people I've lost by his hands. But his change of heart could change mine. They have, in fact. Yet no matter how much I feel for him, I could never say the words.
"I won't tell anyone", he continues. "Not that we have anyone else to talk to but each other."
If he was one thing, he was persistent. It draws a silent giggle from my lips. "It's nothing that concerns you", I mutter.
His lips curl up into the sweetest smile, his slender fingers tilting my head up. "You wouldn't know what concerns me."
If he was two things, he was gentle. Nothing like in the stories I've heard about the arbiters. No one has looked at me like he does. He touches me like I'm a porcelain doll. Tends to me like he'd lose me any second.
I return his gentle smile with a cheeky one, my hands trailing up his chest and onto his shoulders. "Enlighten me."
If he could be three things, he would be mine. All mine in a world where only the two of us existed.
And in another life, I'd spend every day in his arms like I am now. His arms wrapped around my petite frame, my name leaving his lips in the softest whisper before he presses them against mine again and again. My hands laced with his as we lay on the grass, his hand on the small of my back, another behind my neck.
Unfortunately, that's not the life we have. But it's the life we'll make of this one, until this journey comes to an end.