Chapter Text
<1>
The Armed Detective Agency and the Port Mafia had been in an alliance and had mutual agreements with one another for the good part of three years now. The mafia would continue its underground work and would not interfere with the agency’s investigations. At some point, during those three years, Osamu Dazai had apologized to Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.
It was a whole ordeal, but the apology had finally given him closure, and he could finally heal.
To make up for lost time, every Sunday morning, Osamu Dazai, Nakahara Chuuya and Akutagawa Ryuunosuke would have breakfast at Café Uzumaki, the café under the agency. Today, though, was different.
“He’s late,” Dazai mutters to Chuuya, who rolls his eyes, “he’s never late for breakfast.”
Sighing, Chuuya wonders if the café serves wine. “He’s an adult, mackerel. Maybe his alarm didn’t wake him up, or maybe he got stuck in traffic,” he says as his eyes scan the menu, even though he would end up ordering the same thing as always.
As if on timing, the bell of the café’s door rang out. Akutagawa shuffles quickly over to their table, sitting down on the opposite side of the duo. Chuuya smirks almost drunkenly at Dazai, “Speak of the Devil and he shall appear, am’rite?”
“Chuuya-san? Why are you so drunk this early in the day?” the mafioso asks, a small smile on his face when the mafia executive glares and huffs annoyedly at him. “But, I must apologize for my tardiness, my partner wasn’t feeling too good this morning and so I had to prepare something for him,” Akutagawa explains nonchalantly as he picks up the menu in front of him, eyes scanning the item list.
“What?” Dazai and Chuuya blurt out simultaneously.
Akutagawa blinks, confused. “Pardon?”
“Wha– what’d you just say, Akutagawa-kun? Your… what?”
“My partner.”
“As in, like– work… partner? Partner in crime?” Chuuya furrows his eyebrows, “I don’t remember either Mori or I assigning you a partner.”
“What? No. My partner as in my husband , my romantic partner. What’re you two on, has your coffee been spiked, Dazai-san?” Akutagawa glares at the cup in front of Dazai, eyes moving around the shop as if trying to scope out the culprit for their confusion.
Dazai’s jaw drops and Chuuya has to physically shut it close. “ You ? A husband ?” the detective questions, astonished and, frankly, aghast. “First of all, I knew you had a thing for guys. Oda owes me so much money–” Chuuya raises an eyebrow at him, Dazai grins. “–Second of all– Since fucking when were you married? Did you know about this, slug?”
“No!”
Akutagawa frowns, “It’s written on my files, Chuuya-san. Marital status.” Chuuya fumbles to pull out his phone from his pocket. Shrugging, Akutagawa places his interest on the list in front of him and calls over the waitress to tell her his order, “Have the two of you ordered yet?”
“Oh my god! It’s true!” Chuuya exclaims, face pale. Dazai snatches the device from his hands only to gape at it.
Port Mafia : Command Unit –
Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.
Age: 24
DOB: March 1st
Blood Type: A
Marital Status: Married
“I never knew this day would come,” Dazai gasps, dropping the phone onto the table. The waitress gives him a strained smile, notebook and pen still in hand, patiently– or, impatiently, at this point– waiting for their orders.
“Do you happen to have fig cakes in stock today?” Akutagawa asks the lady next to their table nicely, his curious eyes flickering to both of his elder’s shocked expressions. “If so, I would like a slice of that with a cup of green tea. Yes, that’d be wonderful.”
“Okay,” she hums, scribbling the order onto the paper, tongue sticking out. “Would you like anything else?” Her question is directed to the entire table, examining the three men.
Chuuya blinks out of his shock and recites both his and Dazai’s order, which they had decided on a couple minutes before Akutagawa had arrived out of impatience for the younger man’s arrival. “Great! It’ll be a couple of minutes.”
After she was far enough, out of ear-shot, Dazai lifts his head from the table to look at the mafioso, “When were you going to tell us about your secret husband?”
He purses his lips, “I… changed my status after we got married, but I did not expect the two of you to make such a big deal out of it. I would rather that he stayed out of the Mafia business, considering he is a civilian Ability user.”
“Can we meet him, at least?” Chuuya asks, swirling the straw in his iced drink.
“Someday, perhaps. I’ve mentioned the two of you to him a couple of times before, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind meeting you.”
“Oh! We should totally have a double date! You, your beau, me and chibi! How does that sound?” Dazai cries out, eyes shining brightly.
Chuuya grimaces, “God, that sounds absolutely horrible.” A pause. “I’m in.”
“I’ll… ask him. But not anytime this month, he was quite ill this morning” Akutagawa ends up saying. “I’m sure he’ll end up agreeing once I bring up the subject. Though, I’ll have to warn you, he is quite over the top. Excitable, in a sense.”
“He’s excitable ? I didn’t know anybody could be excitable around you, Akutagawa-kun. I guess opposites really do attract, don’t they, Chibi?” Dazai teases. Chuuya grits his teeth and Akutagawa frowns.
Before the mafiosos could retort, Lucy Maud Montgomery, a former member of the Guild, approaches them, trays in both of her hands. “Here’s your food,” she grumbles as she places their plates in front of them respectively, having been working there long enough to know who likes what.
“Thank you, Miss Montgomery,” Dazai sings out, making the braided-hair girl roll her eyes and cross her arms over her chest as he walks away to continue her work.
Once he takes a bit out of his cake, Akutagawa mentally notes to buy both Atsushi’s medicine and tea for his husband.