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Sara is only half-paying attention as she browses the stalls in the Hanamizaka market. She’d wanted to get Shinobu a present, some small token to show her gratitude for everything her girlfriend does for her, but her heart isn’t really in it right now.
The things she’s been learning from Miko, the history of a people she belongs to yet never knew and never will know, save for as stories… they’re weighing her down in a way she never could have imagined, and it’s left her somewhat listless in her daily life.
She murmurs a farewell to the keeper of the stall she had been browsing and moves on.
“What’s gotcha so down?” a loud, familiar voice asks, and Sara heaves a fond sigh as she finds herself tugged into a one-armed hug by Arataki Itto. “Tell your big bro all about it!”
“Who made you my elder brother?” Sara asks, raising an eyebrow at him. “…Are you even older than me?”
“Does it matter?” Itto asks, shrugging. “Over in the backstreets there’re youkai who call Yoimiya ‘big sister’ even though they’ve gotta have a century or two on her.”
“She’s just like that,” Sara dismisses. “Do you really think you have the same kind of older sibling energy she does?”
Itto pouts, and Sara laughs. For just a moment her worries feel far away, and she feels a rush of gratitude to the big idiot. Though, thinking about the discussion she’d had with Yoichi and Osen…
“How do you do it?” Sara asks, the words barely a whisper.
“Huh?” Itto replies, tilting his head. “Do what? Be so cool? Cuz that’s an Arataki Itto Secr—”
“Smile,” Sara says.
Itto’s energy seems to drain out of him, a contemplative look settling onto his face.
“I’ve never really thought about it,” he mutters. “I guess… huh. Lemme think about that.”
They walk in silence, Sara drawing more comfort from his presence than she would have believed possible even just a short time ago. He’s her girlfriend’s brother, and while he’s an idiot he does care a great deal… and he’s a youkai whose life has been so very, very similar to hers.
“I think…” Itto begins slowly. “I think, if I didn’t smile, I wouldn’t know what to do. Like… I had it bad, you know? Back when I was a kid, things were real rough. But then Granny Oni took me in, and no matter how much of a brat I was to her she just kept smiling at me. When I finally got it, that she really just wanted to help me… I wanted to be like that. Someone who can smile at everyone and help ’em out.”
“Even though they had been so cruel to you?” Sara asks softly. “Despite… everything?”
Itto is quiet.
“Even though… they reject us just for what we are?” Sara whispers.
She hears Itto take a shuddering breath.
“Back when I was a kid…” he mumbles. “I hated it when people talked shit about us. About oni, about us youkai in general… I started a lot of fights because of it, and I always got beat. I dunno if I was wrong for it, I’m not some big thinky-type, but… I don’t think I was. Why do we gotta put up with that, right?”
Sara nods silently. It’s a thought she’s had herself, more than once, but she’s always forced it down. Always followed procedures, done her best to be a model of what a soldier of the Shogunate should be.
“But even if I wasn’t wrong, I dunno if I was right, either,” Itto continues. “Maybe there ain’t a right answer. I dunno. But… these days, I wanna be good to people, and let ’em see that the big bad oni’s just a guy. He’s not the monster under the bed, you know?”
“They turned on you back during that business with the blue oni,” Sara points out. “It’s not going very well, is it?”
“Some of ’em did,” Itto agrees, pain clear in his voice. “But it’s not like all of ’em did. It’s cuz there were people who were willing to warn me that I was able to get away for so long. Bein’ accepted… it’s not easy, and it ain’t fair that we gotta fight for it, but every step we win helps the ones who’re gonna come after us. It’s worth fighting for.”
Sara blinks. The words had been unusually philosophical for Itto, enough so that…
“Who did you steal that from?” Sara asks suspiciously, staring at him.
Itto pouts, but Sara keeps up her stare until he cracks.
“Yoimiya,” he mumbles. “It’s somethin’ she said after I asked her about… what she was goin’ through.”
“What she was going through?” Sara asks, confused. “She’s… human, right?”
“Maybe?” Itto says, waving his hand vaguely. “I dunno. But I meant, you know… the whole trans thing? Things were pretty bad for her for a bit, back when she was a kid. You kinda had to be there — it made a bit of a mess in Hanamizaka for a while, but she just kept smilin’ the whole time until people got used to it.”
“Everyone loves her, though,” Sara says blankly, trying to fit the new information into her understanding of the firework-maker. “As in… everyone.”
“Yeah, they do,” Itto agrees. “And that’s cuz she worked for it. She kept on showing ’em who she was, smiling at them and loving them even when they were treating her like shit… She told me she was lucky, that it was really just people being ignorant, so all she had to do was educate ’em.”
“Our situation is a little different from that,” Sara mutters bitterly. “We’re up against millenia of discrimination.”
“…Yeah,” Itto sighs. “But I don’t think that means we gotta give up.”
Sara looks up at him. His eyes are more serious than she’s ever seen, and filled with determination.
“Just cuz humans look down on us now doesn’t mean they always will,” he says. “You’re proof of that, right? A ton of people look up to you, cuz you’re way cool!”
Sara blushes and looks away.
“I’m really not,” she mumbles.
“Tell that to the kids,” Itto chuckles. “When they play nobushi and soldiers, half of ’em always fight over who gets to be Madam Kujou.”
Sara chokes, gaze snapping back to Itto. He doesn’t seem to be joking.
“Here we are,” Itto says, and Sara finds herself being steered into a run-down looking building. “Welcome to the headquarters of the Arataki Gang!”
Sara looks around. It’s… well, the interior is in better condition than the exterior had suggested, but it’s not exactly the cleanest place she’s ever seen.
She settles herself gingerly onto the couch, Itto collapsing into a chair across from her.
“How much do you know about oni, anyway…?” Sara asks hesitantly.
A flash of pain crosses Itto’s face.
“Not a lot,” he admits. “There aren’t a lotta us left, even in the backstreets. Maybe there’s more somewhere else, like Takuya’s clan, but…”
“Those are blue oni,” Sara murmurs, eyes falling to her hands.
“Yeah,” Itto agrees. “Like, we’re all oni, we’re all one big family, but the things they went through and the things we red oni went through ain’t quite the same.”
Sara nods.
“Do you…?” Sara begins, but hesitates. She forces her eyes up to meet Itto’s — if she’s going to ask something like this, she should do him the courtesy of looking him in the eyes while she does. “Do you ever resent…”
“…My parents?” Itto finishes.
Sara nods.
“…I did,” Itto says, grimacing. “Back when I was a kid, after they died and I ended up on the streets… I kept thinking that if they’d fought back, if they’d showed some oni pride, maybe they wouldn’t have been driven out like they were. That maybe the blue oni had the right of it and we should make the humans fear us. Now, though…”
Itto leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling.
“I still think they coulda done better,” he mutters. “The way we lived after we got driven out… it sucked. Really shouldn’ta been any kind of surprise when they got sick. But… they were tryin’ to protect me, so I can’t blame ’em that much.”
“…I never knew my parents at all,” Sara admits.
She’s wondered about them. What kind of people they were, why they hadn’t raised her themselves… Are they alive out there somewhere? Had they died of illness, like Itto’s, or been cut down for some crime?
She doesn’t know. Given even Miko doesn’t know who they were, she’ll likely never know.
“Is that what was eatin’ you up?” Itto asks gently.
“…Part of it,” Sara admits. “Lately, I’ve been… trying to understand what it is to be a youkai. To be a tengu. I wonder what my parents would have taught me, if they’d been around…”
“Not much, if they were like mine,” Itto says. “Some old stories, I bet… but that’s it. ’course, I don’t know what they might have told me if they were still around when I got older. ‘What it is to be a youkai’ though, huh…”
Sara watches silently as Itto’s expression grows thoughtful.
“I wonder too,” he finally whispers. “I dunno how to be a youkai, an oni, or a human… all I know is how to be me. That’s probably enough, right?”
Sara can’t help the small smile that tugs at her lips. It’s a very… Itto response, and one that she doesn’t have a good answer to. Is it enough?
“If you had the chance, though,” Sara presses. “Would you want to learn more about your ancestors? About the red oni?”
“Yeah, of course!” Itto agrees immediately. “But that doesn’t mean I wanna let it change who I am, you know? It’d be cool to know where I came from, but I wanna live true to myself, and this is myself. I dunno whether the red oni of the past would approve, but… I got more important things to worry about than what a bunch of dead guys think of me. I’m gonna uphold the pride of the red oni in my own way.”
Sara thinks of Reizenbou and of Yoichi, of how much their approval had meant to her. Of how much she wants to be a ‘real’ tengu.
She and Itto are very different. They value different things, they have different goals, and while they both long for a connection to their heritage the nature of that longing is entirely distinct.
But as she looks at him, Sara thinks…
Itto is shining.
He’s found the path he wants to walk in this world, accepting the past without being tied to it. It’s not an easy path, but it’s his path.
Is Sara just trapping herself in new chains, forged of history?
“I think what you’re doing is super cool, though,” Itto says, his voice breaking through her thoughts. “Like… you’re keeping the tengu alive. It’s really you.”
Sara stares at him, eyes wide.
‘It’s really you.’
She laughs softly, her concerns fading. This is the path she’s chosen — there’s no reason for her to start doubting it now.
Sara hears the door open, and turns to find Shinobu entering the room.
“Oh, hey Sara,” Shinobu greets casually. She collapses gracelessly onto the other side of the couch. “How’s it going?”
“Better,” Sara says, shooting a grateful smile at Itto. “Your brother’s not a half-bad conversation partner… when you’re feeling lonely enough, anyway.”
Itto squawks indignantly, and Sara laughs.
“Thank you, Itto, really,” she says. “You were a lot of help. Sometimes… sometimes it’s just all too much, and I need a bit of grounding.”
“I get it,” Itto says softly. “…It can be lonely.”
“It can be lonely, but you’re not alone, bird,” Shinobu says gently, tugging Sara into a hug. “We’re a bunch of misfits and outcasts ourselves, but… we’ve got your back all the way.”
Sara lets herself relax against Shinobu, smiling almost without conscious intent.
“…I’m glad you two found each other,” Itto murmurs.
The softness of his smile is enough to make Sara look away, but Shinobu only squeezes her more tightly.
“Thank you,” Sara whispers back. “I… hope you find someone, too.”
“’Course I will!” Itto boasts, abruptly back to his usual self as if the more thoughtful, melancholy side he’d demonstrated throughout the day were only a passing dream. “Who could resist the Arataki ‘Heartbreaker’ Itto, eh?”
“Who indeed,” Sara chuckles, shaking her head.
“It might help if Arataki ‘Heartbreaker’ Itto actually noticed when people were making eyes at him,” Shinobu says, shrugging casually in a way that somehow causes her hug to tighten even further. “He’s surprisingly popular, but… Well, ‘heartbreaker’ may not actually be a bad description for the results of his denseness.”
“Wait, what?” Itto asks, pausing mid-flex to blink at Shinobu. “I am? I woulda noticed that, right?”
Shinobu remains silent, but Sara can feel the slight tremors that indicate her girlfriend is laughing.
“I woulda noticed, right?” Itto presses desperately. “Or you would have told me? Shinobu?”
“That puppy general from Watatsumi Island, Takuya, your TCG buddy, the Kamisato housekeeper…” Shinobu lists off. “Should I continue?”
Itto shakes his head, expression dazed.
“You’re sure?” he asks.
“None of them can take their eyes off your muscles,” Shinobu says flatly. “If nothing else, they clearly find you attractive.”
“G-Good to know,” Itto mumbles. “Good to know…”
Sara laughs softly. She’s never seen Itto look so poleaxed, as if his entire world has been turned on its head.
“It sounds like you shouldn’t have much trouble getting dates if you try,” she says.
“But there’s so many options there!” Itto moans, burying his face in his hands.
“Lucky you,” Shinobu snorts. “Plenty of guys would kill to have that problem, you know.”
“So give it to one of them, then…” Itto whines. “Do I gotta roll a die or something?”
“I’m pretty sure your ‘TCG buddy’ and Thoma are a two-for-one,” Sara says. “They’ve been together for years.”
Shinobu had asked her not to reveal the true identity of Itto’s TCG buddy to him, and while Sara doesn’t really understand why hiding Lord Kamisato’s name is important, she’s more than willing to do so.
Itto lifts his head to stare at her, then turns to gaze at the wall, a blush creeping across his face.
“Aaaand that’ll keep him shut down for a bit,” Shinobu sighs. “Are you feeling okay? Really?”
“I am,” Sara promises. “Really.”
Shinobu studies her for a moment, then nods.
“Looks like it,” she agrees. “Are you staying for dinner? Pretty sure Itto’s making yakisoba tonight. The normal way, probably.”
“What other way would he make it…?” Sara asks.
“He puts it on bread,” Shinobu says with a shrug. “It’s better than it sounds, actually, but it can be a little too filling sometimes.”
“I might like to try that,” Sara muses.
“Then just for you, I’ll make some Way of the Strong tonight!” Itto breaks in, grinning.
Sara gives Shinobu a helpless look, and Shinobu pats her shoulder.
“That’s what he calls it,” Shinobu sighs. “He has a whole sales pitch.”
Itto opens his mouth again, presumably to give Sara said sales pitch, but Shinobu throws a pillow at his face.
“No,” Shinobu scolds. “Bad Itto. If I have to hear that speech one more time, I’m cutting out your tongue.”
Itto pouts.
“I don’t mind hearing it,” Sara says.
Itto’s helped her a lot more today than he probably realizes — if he wants her to listen to some silly sales pitch, she’s more than happy to do so.
“Nah, the moment’s gone,” Itto sighs. “Wanna play some Genius Invokation?”
“I… do have my deck on me,” Sara admits slowly. “Sure, let’s go a round or two.”
“Oh, this should be good,” Shinobu mutters.
They lay out their cards, and Sara finds herself staring in confusion at Itto’s character cards. They have no synergy that she can see… given how long Itto has been playing the game, though, they must surely have some kind of trick to them.
…Said trick never manifests, though. Instead, Sara defeats him handily.
“I keep telling him he needs to fix his deck,” Shinobu sighs. “The only one who’s ever won a match with that thing was Lumine.”
“…Lumine won a match with that deck?” Sara asks doubtfully.
“Somehow,” Shinobu confirms. “More evidence that girl was born under a lucky star, I think.”
“Hey, my deck is great!” Itto protests.
“A toddler could put together a better deck,” Shinobu says flatly. “I’m pretty sure toddlers have put together better decks, actually. It’s why you keep losing to them.”
“I’ve never played against a toddler,” Itto grumbles.
“Close enough,” Shinobu dismisses.
Sara smiles and leans against Shinobu’s side, enjoying the easy way they play off of each other. They really do seem like a family — or what a family should be, at least.
The Arataki Gang’s hideout may not be very glamorous, but it has a comfortable atmosphere, one created by the people who live here. Sara thinks she might like to visit more often.
Somehow, Itto and Shinobu’s little squabble turns into a TCG match, one Itto loses handily. Sara finds herself playing against Shinobu next, and it’s a significantly closer match — she wins by the skin of her teeth, with only one card left standing.
“You should join a tournament,” Itto says thoughtfully. “You’re pretty good.”
“I’ll pass,” Sara laughs. “I think that’s more your thing than mine.”
“You’ll never know for sure if you don’t try, though!” Itto says.
Sara pauses to consider it. He’s not wrong — she does enjoy Genius Invokation, but her denial of the idea of participating in a tournament had been instinctive. It’s just not the sort of thing she’s participated in in the past.
But… what could it hurt to give it a try?
“All right,” she agrees. “Let me know when the next one is coming up, will you?”
Itto cheers and throws his hands in the air, while Shinobu gives her a fondly exasperated look.
“Great, now you’re encouraging him,” Shinobu teases lightly. “You really do fit right into the family.”
Sara smiles and shrugs. As the rest of the Arataki Gang trickles in, as Itto heads to the kitchen to prepare dinner, as she finds herself drawn into lively and enthusiastic conversation…
She finds herself thinking that Shinobu is right. This weird, wonderful, wild gathering of outcast humans and youkai is a family that has a place for her.
Her moment of being lost in thought costs her, and she’s unprepared for the bit of tomato that bounces off her cheek. The culprit, it seems, is an unrepentantly smiling Itto.
Sara raises an eyebrow, looks down at her plate, and casually flicks the largest slice of pepper she can find at Itto’s eye. He goes down, wailing, and the table descends into a chaotic food fight.
This, Sara thinks, laughing as she dodges a carrot thrown by Takuya, is exactly where she belongs.