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NINTH: No.
TENTH: What?
NINTH: I said no.
TENTH: Seriously?
ELEVENTH: Why not?
NINTH: Because I said no; is that not good enough?
ELEVENTH: It really isn't.
NINTH: Listen, if you're really trying to save Gallifrey...
The Ninth Doctor points to the War Doctor.
NINTH: Then why is he here?
WAR: Why wouldn't I be here? I got you all into this mess!
NINTH: Exactly! And you have the absolute gall to stroll in here with the rest of me and try to change not only one of the most important moments in the history of the universe, but to also completely mangle my personal history! Do you have any idea how many Laws of Time you're violating?
TENTH: Well, actually, since we're the last of the Time Lords, we technically make the Laws of Time.
NINTH: Shut up.
FIFTH: Forgive me for interjecting, but I assume you aren't the Lord President anymore?
WAR: Unfortunately, no. However did we lose that title?
SIXTH: I was deposed due to my extended absence.
FIFTH: Is that legal?
SIXTH: Apparently.
SEVENTH: But hold on, I swear I became President-elect again at some point.
EIGHTH: So when did we stop being President?
WAR: I should think you'd have the answer to that!
EIGHTH: I'm a chronic amnesiac, apparently; do you really expect me to remember every time I've been President of Gallifrey?
SECOND: You're talking about being Lord President of the High Council as if that's completely normal! Last I knew, I was a renegade!
THIRD: Oh, drop the act, you're an agent for the Celestial Intervention Agency.
SECOND: Well... you're stuck on Earth!
THIRD: You've got a lot to catch up on.
ELEVENTH: Look, we've done unsavory things before! We used to be a secret agent for the Time Lords, and that was long before we were a not-so-secret agent for the Time Lords!
NINTH: You cannot compare clandestine violations of the Prime Directive to double genocide!
WAR: Excuse me, we're trying to undo my double genocide!
ELEVENTH: Yes, we should try to forgive Lord Crusty for his errors and accept his attempt to rectify them!
THIRD: Did he seriously just refer to the non-interference policy as a "Prime Directive"?
SECOND: I don't know. Has a nice ring to it.
SEVENTH: Listen, regardless of if we're the President or a secret agent or a genocidal maniac-
EIGHTH: You've been all three on the same day!
SEVENTH: -we are bound by our promise as the Doctor to undo any damage that we can, and we can!
NINTH: Of course you'd be all gung-ho about this. It's a ludicrous plan relying on actions dating all the way back to our first incarnation. Typical.
The Ninth Doctor turns to the Tenth and Eleventh.
NINTH: You two do realize that our first eight selves simply being here is heinous?
TENTH: How so?
NINTH: They don't know about the war! It hasn't happened yet! And if we know about the war early, we'll feel obligated to try and stop it, and everything will be all...
TENTH: Wibbly wobbly, timey-
NINTH: STOP.
ELEVENTH: Everything is going to be fine. Our timelines are out of sync, so none of us will remember this except me.
The Ninth Doctor looks at the Eleventh with incredulity.
NINTH: Did you cross the time streams?
ELEVENTH: Quite possibly.
WAR: He means yes.
NINTH: Do I lose half my brain cells at some point within my next couple regenerations!?
SIXTH: He does have a point. Crossing the streams is seriously dangerous.
WAR: Whatever danger it must pose, it is a risk we must accept! I want to live in a future where I don't have a guilty conscience hanging over my heroic deeds! I want the name of the Doctor back- I don't want to be a Warrior anymore! I want peace!
FIRST: My boy, this peace is what all true warriors strive for!
WAR: Aptly put! And I want to live in a future where my granddaughter might still be alive!
FIRST: What did you just say!?
TENTH: O-kay, changing the subject...
NINTH: Certainly one of us must be the voice of reason around here! Out of all twelve of us, I can't be the only one who's against this!
TWELFTH: No, sir, all thirteen!
NINTH: Who are you!?
TWELFTH: I'm the Doctor.
ELEVENTH: He's the one after me.
TWELFTH: And I know how this ends. And I also know that you eventually say yes.
NINTH: Impossible!
TWELFTH: Not impossible. In fact, it's the opposite of impossible. It will happen because it did happen. Rejecting this would be a violation of the Laws of Time.
TENTH: What he said.
TWELFTH: I remember this like it was yesterday. Not just because I was here, in this room, in my previous body... but because it was yesterday. I just got back from saving Gallifrey with the rest of my incarnations.
There is a brief silence. The Ninth Doctor is about to finally agree, when suddenly-
FIFTH: Hold on. Is one of us missing?
The Doctors all begin doing a quick headcount. There is one missing.
SIXTH: The me before you!
THIRD: Yes, the me after me! All teeth and curls!
SECOND: Oh, he's ditched us again!
EIGHTH: Well, then we've got to go track him down!
SEVENTH: Wait! I have an idea! What if we save Gallifrey, then use the Time Scoop to take him out of his time and pop him down right... here!
The Fourth Doctor suddenly appears, transported in by a black trapezoid.
FIRST: There you are! Where were you?
FOURTH: I was on my way here! Did you seriously get so impatient that you felt the need to kidnap me?
An awkward silence, then-
NINTH: Well, we sort of have to now, don't we?