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A great amount of people do believe that Danielle is the personification of sunshine.
With her radiant smile and warm presence, it was only natural for Danielle to be referred as a fluffball of sunlight even before she was old enough to comprehend the reason why she's called as such.
However, there are times when even the brightest ray of sunshine can't gleam through the opaqueness of thick clouds of gray.
For Danielle, it was both fate and fortune that she got to meet her own ray of sunshine in the form of Hanni.
Danielle was 15 when she met Hanni for the first time. The company suggested that she ought to visit the training center with her mother before she officially starts her own training to get a preview of what she'll be experiencing for the next months of her life.
Her hands felt clammy as the staff guided her and her mother inside a specific room where a group of girls were too occupied with their dance performance to notice the new presence inside the room. The staff didn't bother announcing their entrance to the girls, directly making her way to a woman who's seemingly a dance teacher with how sharp and critical her eyes were while watching the trainees. She didn't even bother facing the staff when the latter whispered to her ears, settling with a nod as a form of answer to whatever the staff said.
Danielle carefully watched as the staff called for one of the girls who was sitting on the floor some distance away from the current group of people performing. She observed as a certain girl with mid length hair which greatly matched her adorable baby face stand up from her seat and made her way to the staff with a polite smile on her face.
The Korean-Australian couldn't resist her curiosity as the adorable trainee bowed her head before straightening her posture as she listened tentatively to whatever the staff was saying. After a moment, Danielle found herself sharing a gaze with the baby-faced trainee before her attention was taken by the staff once again, now making their way to where Danielle and her mother were standing.
She's smaller than Danielle by inches.
"This is Hanni. She also came from Australia and she has been training for almost a year now. She's one of the best in her group." The staff said as soon as they reached Danielle's position.
The said girl let out a gasp, covering her mouth with her hand and her eyes widening as she looked at Danielle with marvel in her eyes. "Oh my god! You're from Australia!"
Danielle let out a chuckle, finding the girl cute. Her mother seemed to agree with her musings as she heard the woman laugh beside her. "Yeah, I'm Danielle. Nice to meet you!"
Hanni bowed her head. "Hello, I'm Hanni. It's nice to have you here!"
She sent a smile in their direction — and oh, she has a pretty smile that resembles a matchstick that scratched Danielle's heart so gently that the orange flame of warmth started spreading inside her heart.
Later that day, Danielle didn't forget to write in her journal how Hanni and her smile in particular bear an eminent resemblance to the summer of Australia: bright, radiant, and heartwarming.
For the first time, Danielle understood how it felt to have her own ray of sunshine.
It was inevitable, Danielle thought as she hastily wiped her tears with the sleeves of her shirt.
She had always been optimistic. However, all the pressure that she's being put under doesn't exactly help her decreasing confidence in herself or her frequent questioning whether she made the right decision in her life.
The monthly evaluation has just ended and to say that she was disappointed with her performance was an understatement.
She felt furious and frustrated. Just why on Earth did her throat decide that a day before the evaluation was the ideal moment to feel sore?
Danielle has spent hours and hours perfecting each note and word pronunciation of the song that she has chosen to perform today. Yet, all those diligent efforts spilled down the drain when she woke up yesterday, experiencing a persistent itch in her throat that made even uttering a single word became a difficult task.
She heard a knock on the door of the room and Danielle was quick to try to remove the indications that she has been crying her heart out. Composing herself as best as she could, she let out a determined exhale before standing up from her seat and walked her way to the translucent door to open it.
And in a matter of seconds, Danielle found herself inside the embrace of her little shining sunshine.
"Dani, you're all good."
It was astounding how Hanni, with her naturally adorable personality and cute stature, feels like a sturdy pillar — indestructible and prepared to be Danielle's safety net whenever she feels like falling and failing in her pursuit of highs.
Hanni expresses her distaste for physical touch almost on a daily basis but she's the first one to hold Danielle's cold hands, caused by uneasiness clinging to her nerves as they await for their turn to perform in front of their colleagues and instructors. She often says that she has never been good when it comes to speaking her emotions out loud, but Danielle often finds herself being stitched up by the words that Hanni has carefully constructed just to help the Korean-Australian build herself up firmer than ever.
And her hugs — Hanni's hugs remind Danielle of the sea. Seawater that she loves to be in for its ability to offer her freedom and joy in one place; the seawater that drowns her thoughts when chaos is tenacious inside her mind. The body of water that caresses her soul so gently that it heals the wounds in her existence that she didn't know were present until they were cured.
Hanni's hugs are just like the sea that Danielle loves to revel in.
Thus, Danielle lets herself feel her emotions inside the smaller girl's arms, for Hanni's hugs has an unspoken promise — to peel off every spot of gloom that persist to stick in her system and keep them away from coming back or spreading further.
"Unnie," Danielle sniffed, tightening her bear hug on the said girl. "I want to make it with you."
Hanni hummed as she rubbed the younger girl's back. "You will. We will make it together."
With heavy-lidded eyes that were begging for a blink of sleep, Danielle languidly entered their dorm and directly made her way to her shared room with Hanni and Hyein. There was a heavy silence that was blanketing the apartment unit that made the faint sound of a guitar strumming resound softer, all the more so inside her head. Despite the exhaustion that's enveloping her, Danielle's lips curled into a soft smile as she took each step to their shared bedroom with lightness on her feet.
The sight of Hanni looking cozy in her fluffy white sweater, black sweatpants, and eyeglasses while sitting on her own bed in an Indian seat position with a guitar on her lap tickled Danielle's heart in a pleasant way. The winter season was approaching, but her heart felt delightfully balmy at that specific moment.
Hanni abruptly stopped her strumming as she looked up from her guitar to address the younger girl's presence. She offered a smile and it's a wonder how such a simple gesture never failed to light up Danielle's being. "Hey, you're home."
Home.
Between South Korea and Australia, Danielle came to the realization that she had named everywhere with Hanni her home.
Danielle kept her eyes on Hanni as she nodded her head. "Yeah, home."
"Have you eaten? Oh, Hyein's sleeping in Haerin and Minji's room tonight. She's been clinging to Haerin all day, and you know, the kitty can't really deny the kid," Hanni stated as she stood up from her bed, wearing her fuzzy slippers. "Don't forget to shower before laying on your bed. I'll stay in the living room for a while. My guitar skills have been rusty these days."
The taller girl impetuously wrapped her arms around the Vietnamese-Australian who was on her way out of the room, hugging her sideways as she softly murmured, "Unnie, can you play for me and stay here instead?"
Danielle felt rather than heard the gasp that was lost somewhere in the older girl's throat, wondering if her action caused an unpleasantness in Hanni's skin that she ought to remove her hold, but the latter raised her free hand to gently squeeze the Korean-Australian's waist.
"You sure I won't disturb your rest by that?" Danielle shaked her head without hesitation. "Alright, go and take a shower first. I'll wait for you,"
The younger girl let out a whine at the thought of having to exert more energy out of her body that made Hanni slap her waist lightly.
"Come on, girl. It'll freshen you up and keep you awake for at least two more minutes to actually hear me play my guitar." Hanni prompted the younger girl, who let out one more exasperated whine before loosening her hold on the smaller girl's body, who laughed at her exaggerated woes.
After showering and changing into a rainbow hoodie and white pajamas, Danielle returned to find Hanni in a similar scenario to the one she had been in earlier, with the exception that her mobile phone was now in her hand and her guitar was now leaning its body on her nightstand. Hanni immediately looked up from her phone as Danielle entered the room, placing the said device on the nightstand before lifting and opening her arms for an embrace.
The Korean-Australian closed the door behind her and quickly made her way to the older girl's bed, falling in her arms and messily flopping both of their bodies on the mattress, resulting in a fit of giggles from the both of them. Danielle snuggled closer to the smaller girl's body, laying sideways as she tightened her arm around Hanni's waist.
"I was supposed to play the guitar for you or are we forgetting about it now?" Hanni asked in a teasing tone as she put her hand above the arm of the younger girl that's around her waist.
The taller girl nodded as she heaved a contented sigh. "Yes, let's just cuddle until tomorrow."
Hanni giggled but didn't bother opposing the idea, and Danielle felt herself drifting to dreamland as the older girl opted to softly caress the arm she had placed around Hanni's waist.
"Why do you smell so good tonight?" Danielle commented in her half-awaken state, and the older girl couldn't help but giggle at the grogginess of the former's voice.
"I don't know. But I've been using this floral oil perfume these days. You like it?"
Danielle nodded her head in affirmation as she placed a quick peck on Hanni's clothed shoulder. "I love it."
The tranquility of the room was abruptly broken by the loud knocking on the door.
"Unnie, why is the door locked?"
It was Hyein, and Danielle couldn't help but let out a whine of protest as her sleepiness threatened to run away from her exhausted body. Hanni gave her arm a tender squeeze — as a form of empathy or a signal to let go, Danielle wasn't exactly certain. However, she knew she needed to move from her comfortable position, or Hyein would end up putting a hole in their shared bedroom's door.
"Wait a second, Hyein-ah." Hanni voiced out, lightly patting Danielle's knee on her way to stand up from her bed.
Left alone on the bed, Danielle resorted to going under the duvet cover of Hanni's bed in an attempt to fill the warmth that only the older girl has knitted into her being. She heard the door opening and the sound of Hyein seemingly attempting to whistle made her curious enough to peek above the covers.
"Should I call Minji so she could start her sermon?" Hyein asked with an annoyingly cute wiggle of her eyebrows.
Hanni made a way to let the younger girl in, and Danielle couldn't help but chuckle at the judging and questioning expression plastered on the older girl's face. "Sermon for herself, I bet."
The youngest member cackled as she walked to her bed, grabbed her massive iPad, and dashed out the door. With her hand on the doorknob, Hyein smirked at her roommates as she uttered, "Enjoy, girls."
"Yah, Lee Hyein! Keep your mind out of the gutter," Hanni said, and Danielle didn't miss the fading laughter coming from their youngest member as she closed the door behind her.
The smaller girl shaked her head as she made her way back to her bed, opting to sit on the edge of the mattress as she picked up her guitar from its position. Hanni started strumming random chords on her guitar, completely unaware of the trance that she has put Danielle in.
Hanni has always been pretty.
Particularly in Danielle's eyes, she's pretty like a field of dandelions that sways with the breeze of spring and shines under the pleasant light of the sun.
Danielle adores Hanni's resemblance to the bright yellow petals of dandelions — radiant yet delicate, appealing, and a treat for her sight. If Danielle were the sun, she would make an effort to prolong her stay — to extend the day only to relish in the sight of the gleaming dandelions that appear to glitter more entrancingly under her beams. Or is it the other way around? Perhaps the Sun attempts to appear splendid so that the Dandelions she adores extremely will notice her, too.
And the softness that follows after a grand showcase of dazzle — Danielle loves and loves how soft Hanni could be like the familiar puffball seed heads — white airy tufts that's similar to how the older girl looks tonight in her fluffy white sweater.
She feels lucky to be one of the people who gets to experience the kind of love that Hanni could give and privileged to have the chance to love her just as much. Hanni loves like the puffball seed heads of a dandelion — kind, tender, serene. She cares — apparent from her eyes, which seem to see through the facade of toughness that the members often wear throughout the day. She feels — as if she has memorized every emotion that Danielle could possibly feel — her arms ready to embrace and glue the breaking parts of the younger girl's being and her light: tolerant — elated and unhesitant to shine with Danielle or make her shine brighter. She's a sanctuary — one that makes Danielle feel comfortable being seen bare and stripped of her usual optimism.
God, Danielle would pay a hefty amount of treasure just so she could pepper Hanni's soft cheeks that looks more adorable from her perspective right now.
She laughed at the randomness of the thought.
"You're pressuring me," Hanni complained as her eyes met the younger girl's own. "Do you have any songs in your mind?"
Danielle giggled and shaked her head as she abruptly sat up from her position, giving the older girl's soft cheek a short peck before laying back on the bed. "How about a song that talks about how pretty you are?"
Hanni's face contorted in distaste as she averted her gaze, a bright scarlet spreading on her cheeks made obvious by her white sweater, which helped the daring color stand out.
"Man, I'd just play anything." The older girl stated as she focused her attention on her guitar.
Danielle couldn't stop the lazy smile that's forming on her lips as the sound of a guitar playing and Hanni's mellow singing filled the tranquil bedroom.
For the first time, I would like my name
Just because of the way you say it
And I would memorize every line and hair
To remember when you aren't there
Danielle often wonders how Hanni has equipped herself with the ability to sing a song and write each lyric on her flesh, sinking just enough for her system to shiver every time she hears the older girl sing her emotion out.
Star.
The gods were gracious for letting one of their brightest stars take the form of a human to share her luminous light at a closer distance.
Stars.
Hanni is a wandering glowing meteorite and she leaves a gleaming magic dust — stars on the hearts of people that had the fortune to meet her.
Danielle felt her eyelids go heavy as the warmth of Hanni's voice enveloped her soul, lulling her to sleep. With her last ounce of consciousness, she kept her gaze on the older girl as she softly muttered, "I love you."
The smaller girl uttered the next lyrics of the song she's singing with a smile on her face, ending her lullaby with a final strum while looking at her loved one.
A little later, with the guitar back on its case and the lights turned off, Hanni carefully laid herself beside Danielle and put the duvet cover on her as well, sharing it with the younger girl.
"Sleep well," Hanni murmured as she lessened the gap between her and the younger girl's face, admiring the stars that has found their home in Danielle's cheeks. She lightly kissed each one of them, landing one last peck on the taller girl's forehead. "I love you so much."
Danielle opened the door of the practice room, not expecting to see Hanni lying comfortably on the floor with her eyes closed as an indie song played in the background.
As much as she wanted to see the older girl finding quite a satisfaction on her resting position, Danielle doesn't want her to catch a cold by laying too long on the floor especially when she's only wearing a white tank top and a considerably thin fleece jacket.
"Hey, baby." The taller girl announced her presence as she carefully put her backpack and the paper bag on her hand down on the closest bench from her position before making her way to the center of the practice room where Hanni was rooted. "C'mon, stand up. We don't want you sneezing and sniffing for days again."
Hanni squinted her eyes, not quite opening them as she raised her hand, quietly asking Danielle to pull her up from her position. The Korean-Australian smiled at the adorable sight and immediately reached out for Hanni's hands before pulling her up just strong enough for the latter to end up inside her arms.
"Let me go," Hanni whined halfheartedly as the younger girl caged her in an embrace, languidly swaying their bodies to the music.
Danielle shaked her head with a smile on her face, burying her face on the crook of Hanni's neck as she tightened her hold on the latter. Her eyelids fluttered closed when the smaller girl gently returned the hug, and Danielle couldn't stop herself from heaving the scent of roses, coconut, comfort, and a specific smell that's just Hanni — a sedative at the same time it's an addictive substance.
"No, we're fine like this." The Korean-Australian murmured, her lips softly brushing the older girl's smooth skin that made the latter instinctively pressed their bodies closer. "I brought you dinner. Just some pumpkin porridge and chicken."
The older girl hummed, placing a light kiss on the taller girl's shoulder. "Thanks, boo."
Danielle kissed Hanni's neck, just above her collarbone, and felt the way how her body shuddered against her lips. Her voice uncharacteristically low and croaky as she uttered her reply.
"Anything for you,"
Danielle grew up admiring the moon that graced the dark sky with its luminous presence as the sun rested in the west. Particularly on summer nights, when she and her family would go camping in the forest near a lake where they would lay a huge mattress to watch the night sky before they headed to sleep in their tents, Danielle would often find herself intently watching the moon until her eyelids felt too heavy to keep them open, drifting to dreamland where she would experience the ability to dance with the moon and stars until the sun arrived to remind them of daytime.
In Seoul, she met Hanni.
Starting that day, everywhere she goes, Danielle finds herself closest to the moon when she's beside Hanni.
Because, like the moon in the night sky, Hanni has an unyielding light that seemed to shine especially brighter on the darkest night when the fog of discouragement and clouds of doubts were extremely thick and the flames of the sun inside Danielle's soul were losing their flicker. Resembling the forbearance of the moon, Danielle found Hanni beside her even on days when the rays of her sun seemed too blinding for the conspicuous beauty of the moon.
Danielle found the serenity — the quiet but perpetual companionship that the moon has given her since she was younger — in Hanni now that she's older.
She no longer has to visit the dreamland in order to dance with the moon and stars in the galaxy. Danielle has the moon and stars in the form of Hanni — embedded in her mind, heart, and soul by the latter herself.
It helped her attain clarity on the difference between admiration and adoration.
Danielle admired the moon of her childhood solely for its beauty and its luminescence.
Danielle adored Hanni so much that she would give up her days just so she could have one night with the moon. She would trace the spots of enticing darkness in the flesh of her moon with devotion, yearning to draw lavender into her chaos. And oh, she would wait for years with uncharacteristic patience just so their lips could create a breathtaking eclipse —stunning and like no other that Danielle wouldn't mind waiting for centuries to have Hanni close to her over and over again.
And so, with a restless heart and a mind that became the home of a hurricane with Hanni as its eye, Danielle left a lingering peck below the Vietnamese-Australian's collarbone — light and tentative — inquiring if it's fair to have the line between friends and lovers a blurry one.
With a need to be closer to her moon, Danielle let her lips graze the soft skin of the older girl as she muttered an unclear question, "Is this okay?"
"Okay," Hanni breathed with fluttering eyes, her dominant hand finding its refuge on Danielle's waist while her left hand traveled and took shelter on the younger girl's tresses that she caressed with soothing rhythm. "Okay."
Danielle's lips started their venture on the surface of her moon, mapping Hanni's skin with her tender kisses in hopes of leaving her own evidence of inhabitance in the smaller girl's being. She nipped at the soft flesh, firm enough to leave traces of crimson — of continents that Danielle meticulously imprinted to be found on Hanni's skin.
She took her time engraving her adoration for the older girl, traveling her skin with aching affection as her lips felt the earthquake creating disarray in Hanni's chest when Danielle's kisses headed left — reaching the destination of the treasure that is Hanni's heart.
Danielle's can't stop herself from smiling when Hanni visibly quivered and let out a velvety hum from the continuous pecks that she has left on the same area — on the zone where the magnitude of earthquake felt the highest.
"You're just making fun of me, aren't you?" Hanni complained as her hand fisted the younger girl's cotton shirt, as if doing so would calm the rampageous thumping of her heart.
The taller girl's smile widened, leaving a lingering kiss on Hanni's chest before her kisses traveled north — nuzzling the latter's jaw for a moment and feeling the flushness of the older girl's cheek on her lips before creating a considerable distance between them.
Danielle's eyes met those hazy orbs of Hanni, and her smile turned a little more softer as she shook her head, leading the steps as she languidly swayed their bodies to the music that was still playing on the speaker. "No, but you're making me happy."
The older girl lightly smacked Danielle's shoulder as she averted her gaze, the roses on Hanni's chest crawling their way to her delicate cheeks, and she looked so, so lovely in Danielle's eyes that she felt as if her heart had evolved into a launched rocketship on a record-breaking speed as it pursued the way to the galaxy.
Danielle removed her loose embrace around the Vietnamese-Australian's waist just to reach and hold the hand that was placed on her shoulder. She took some steps backwards and raised both of their arms to prompt Hanni to make a turn.
The older girl spinned her body and secured her posture, tiptoeing for Danielle to do her turn. They ended up sharing a giggle as Hanni's arm almost hit Danielle's face as she swirled, the latter's heart swelling at the sight of Hanni laughing heartily, her eyes delightfully turning into crescent moons.
They kept their hands interlaced, the Korean-Australian's other hand on Hanni's waist as if it was tailormade to hold her sides, while the latter placed her hand above Danielle's shoulder. Amidst the bass of the music that's reverberating inside the room, they both find themselves slow dancing to the synced rhythm of their hearts.
"Stay here, darling" Hanni muttered the lyrics as her eyes met Danielle's.
And oh, she's screwed.
She's falling in love all over again for the moon.
"Sure, darling." The younger girl grinned so softly that Hanni found herself unable to keep her gaze on those eyes that held so much intensity — as if a whole new universe was unearthed in Danielle's orbs when she was born.
And each heavenly body in the said universe in her eyes contains the same addicting substance — love.
Danielle let out a mellifluous laugh as Hanni averted her gaze, unable to stop herself from using their interlaced hands to pull the older girl into a bone-crushing hug. Distance was nonexistent between their bodies, to the point that Danielle couldn't distinguish Hanni's heartbeat from her own.
"You'd be late for your schedule if you'll keep on flirting with me," Hanni commented, but her actions proved to be the opposite of what she's trying to convey when she further pushed her body closer to the younger girl.
Danielle kept her eyes closed, reveling in the warmth of their embrace as she leaned her lips closer to Hanni's ear. "You like it, still."
"You like me, you mean?" The older girl tried to retort with confidence but still ended up with a fumble in her words, unable to keep her body from quivering at the contact.
"For sure," Danielle simply agreed before leaving a kiss on the Vietnamese-Australian's cheek, who gave her a glare as their eyes met when she unwillingly pulled away from the hug.
"You're abusing my lenience today!"
The younger girl giggled. "Would you find it fair and square if I'd let you return my kisses?"
Hanni let out a sarcastic laugh, walking away from the taller girl as she got herself a cup of water. Danielle grinned knowingly, not bothering to mention the rush of crimson making their hue visible on the older girl's cheeks.
Instead, she made her way to her bag, picking it up from the bench and slinging it on her shoulders as she prepared to leave the practice room to meet their manager that would accompany her to the shooting location.
Danielle felt a pair of arms snaking around her waist, and as she tried to look past her shoulders to acknowledge Hanni, the said girl uncharacteristically placed a lingering kiss on her cheek that made the phrase she was constructing inside her head disappear like dust being swept by the wind.
"I'll see you later in the dorm," Hanni muttered softly, giving the skin right below her pulse point a soft kiss before removing her arms around Danielle, who found herself rendered of the ability to comprehend anything but the gesture and the soft lips of the older girl. This made Hanni chortle and pat the Korean-Australian's lower back to wake her up from her reverie. "C'mon, Danzo."
"Yeah," Danielle nodded her head absentmindedly, robotically facing the smaller girl who's now the one smirking confidently. "Yeah, I'll be going."
Hanni hummed, an adorable smile playing on her lips. "Want me to walk you out?"
The younger girl stared at Hanni, her eyes traveling down past her lips, down to her neck, and staying rooted at the marks of roses she had left on the smaller girl's chest. Danielle felt her lips curve to an appreciative and contented grin after seeing the outcome of her art. Hanni ended up following the direction of her stare, her eyes widening as she cleared her throat and adjusted her fleece jacket to block the view of her skin, which was now colored incarnadine.
Danielle met her gaze and gave her a teasing smirk. "I think you should not."
"You're so—!" Blushing, Hanni fisted her hands as if the action would help her come up with words that could describe her affectionate annoyance towards the younger girl.
"See you later, unnie." Danielle singsonged and winked at Hanni, heading out of the practice room, and with her hand on the door handle, she addressed the older girl for one last time before closing the door. "Unnie,"
"What?"
"Don't forget to zip that fleece up later."
"Dani!"