Work Text:
I got the call today, I didn't want to hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand,
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
Ah, these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah, the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Oh, pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us, you know it doesn't keep me warm
---
There are people in your life
Who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they've hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby
'Cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger
It'll eat you up inside baby
---
I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
_________________________________________________
---
I got the call today, I didn't want to hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
---
Crowley calmly watched the angel enter the elevator before he slipped into the Bentley. He turned off the radio and drove away from the bookshop, expressionless. If he were in a position to consider his emotions, he would have been surprised to realize that he had none, but he was in no position to consider his emotions. His mind was as blank as his face.
With no direction, the Bentley acted like a horse, and eventually drove to the spot on the side street where the demon had been sleeping for the last 3 years. The familiar scents woke Crowley from his stupor, and he cursed when he realized where he was.
“What the fuck?” he scolded the car.
He started the ignition and drove away, stopping only for a moment in front of the bookshop. He slammed the car door and marched into the shop, snapping open the door ahead of him. He saw Muriel, sitting on the floor, surrounded by books. She looked confused and a little frightened, but broke into a bright smile when she recognized him. He didn’t let her speak.
“Keep that door locked, and don’t let anyone in here!” he shouted. “Do you understand?”
She blinked, then nodded. He turned and left, locking the door behind him with a snap.
Crowley entered his apartment cautiously and was relieved to see that not much had changed. There was even whiskey in the liquor cabinet, so he poured himself a stiff drink.
He cleaned and dusted with a gesture and switched out the mattress and all the linens before jumping into a very hot shower. Crowley was tired and when he was tired, he was cold. The hot water and whiskey comforted him, and he oozed into his bed with relief, but he couldn’t shut down the thoughts in his head.
Aziraphale had left him because he wouldn’t go back to Heaven to become an angel again. Crowley’s face got hot when he remembered how he had grabbed Aziraphale and kissed him. For a split second, it felt like the angel kissed him back, but then he pushed him away. Crowley’s eyes stung when he thought of everything he’d done and all of the risks he had taken just so they could spend time together, and it was all for nothing. Crowley allowed himself to grieve, and it was as devastating as he knew it was going to be.
He woke two weeks later to the constant, jarring ring and discordant buzz of his cell phone, and cursed himself for not turning off the ringer and for making sure that the battery never died. He fumbled for the phone, but his hand fell upon a broken whiskey bottle near his head. It was then that he noticed cuts on his hands and blood on his face and on the carpet under his cheek. Plants and dirt were scattered everywhere, and his desk and throne were overturned. His head was pounding, and he thought he would vomit. He turned his head and grimaced. He would vomit again. He tried to stand, but collapsed, and decided it would be better if he stayed down. He crawled toward the sound of the phone and fumbled with it before he could push the proper button.
“Wha?”
“Mr. Crowley? Is that you? This is Maggie.”
“Yeah. What do you want?”
“We were worried about you.”
“I wasn’t worried about you!” Nina must have taken the phone. “I’m worried about that constable that you left in the bookshop.”
“Her name is Muriel,” Maggie said in the background.
“What about her?”
“No one has been in or out of the bookshop since you drove away two weeks ago,” Maggie said, “including Muriel. Is she ok in there for all that time?”
“Yeah. She’s an angel. She’s fine, now leave me alone.”
“Look, you!” Nina was furious. “That angel is your responsibility because we can’t find Mr. Fell, and someone has to deal with her.”
“Where is Mr. Fell?” Maggie asked gently.
“He went to Heaven.”
“Oh my God! He died?”
“No. He accepted a promotion and left. Didn’t look back.”
“Did you talk to him?” Nina’s voice was a bit less harsh.
“Yup. I tried to anyway. I made my feelings known, and he left.”
“Oh,” Maggie whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“But you still have to come back!”
Crowley hung up and thought about going back to sleep until he remembered that he’d locked the bookshop door magically, and Muriel probably couldn’t get out. What if she called Aziraphale to let her out.
“Fuck.”
He cleaned up the apartment and himself with a wave of his hand, and ignored Nina’s glare and Maggie’s relieved look as he parked the car and walked toward the bookshop. He opened the door with a snap and locked it behind him as he entered.
“Oi!” he said loudly. “Are you here?”
“Mr. Crowley? Is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“I’m so glad you are back!”
Muriel sounded happy, but she looked scared.
“Did any angels come down here while I was gone?” Crowley asked, trying not to sound worried.
“No. It was just me.”
“Good.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Whatever I did that made you so angry,” she said quietly. “I understand if you need to punish me, but could you also tell me what I did so that I don’t do it again?”
“I’m not going to punish you. Why do you think you did something wrong?”
“You shouted at me, locked me in the bookshop and left me alone.”
“Fuck.”
Crowley rubbed his temples.
“Look,” he said. “I’m not angry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have yelled. Locking you in the bookshop was an accident, ok?”
“You aren’t going to punish me?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Are you going to leave again?” Her voice hitched.
“What?”
“Are you going to leave again?” she asked sadly. “If you do, will you please unlock the door. I guess I don’t need to go anywhere, but it upsets the humans.”
“Like I said, I was wrong to lock you in. I won’t do that again.”
“Oh.” She was sad, but resigned. “But you are going to leave again?”
Then, he remembered what Muriel told him in Heaven. She was alone at her desk for hundreds of years at a time until someone needed something from her. She didn’t want to be alone in a strange bookshop on Earth where everything was completely foreign to her.
“How about if I make you a deal?” he said in his best upbeat manner.
“What kind of deal?”
“I can’t stay here, but I promise to come back. I won’t leave you on your own to fend for yourself, at least not until you understand how to live on Earth among humans.”
She smiled. Her whole face lit up and his heart twisted painfully in his chest. He was trapped.
“Fuck.”
“Mr. Crowley?”
“Wha?”
“You said you were going to show me how to live on Earth and I’m ready to learn.”
“That’s not really what I said, but ok. First stop, the coffee shop.”
“Great!”
Crowley unlocked the bookshop door with a snap and locked it behind them with the key. He’d teach Muriel how to lock up with the key and with a snap later.
“Wait!” he called before Muriel stepped off the curb and in front of a taxi.
“You have to look both ways.” He held out his hand. “Here.”
She took it and he showed her how to watch for traffic. He’d seen enough demons discorporated to know cars were a huge hazard to the uninitiated. She didn’t let go of his hand until they were across the street. He stared at his hand, still warm from her touch.
“6,000 years,” he murmured. “Nothing.”
Nina looked up when they walked into the coffee shop. The look on the demon’s face warned Nina he was in no mood to chat. For once, she respected his boundaries.
“What can I get you?” she asked.
“The usual,” Crowley answered, and looked at Muriel. “Would you like to look at a cupperty?”
“Oh, yes please.”
“Very good. Why don’t you go sit at that table and I’ll bring the drinks.”
“Ok!”
Crowley paid for the drinks and joined Muriel at the table.
Muriel pulled out her constable notebook, wrote something down, then crossed it off.
“I have a list of things I want to try,” she explained, “but sometimes, I have to put something on the list so I can scratch it off.”
“Can I see it?”
“Sure.”
Crowley scanned the list, raising his eyebrows at some of the items on it.
“Do you want to feed some ducks?” Crowley asked, pointing at the notebook.
“Oh, yes.”
“Let’s go.”
“Ooh! I get to ride in a car!” Muriel squealed as Crowley opened the passenger door for her.
“Not just any car,” Crowley huffed. “You get to ride in The Bentley.”
Muriel climbed into the car and happily stroked the leather seat and pristine dashboard.
“Oh, you are beautiful,” she crooned, then beamed at the demon. “She likes me.”
“Really?”
“Oh yes! I’m an angel. I can feel love.”
“Right.”
They developed a routine over the next several months during which Crowley would pick up Muriel from the bookshop and show her all the wonderful things Earth and the humans had to offer. She had a list of things she wanted to experience and got very excited each time she was able to cross off an item. The demon was amazed at how quickly she learned new things and how self-assured she was becoming.
When he wasn’t with Muriel, Crowley napped, watched television, and hung out at the coffee shop where he could keep an eye on the bookshop.
“Are you a stalker now or is my coffee that good?” Nina joked one morning when she placed a mug on his “regular” table situated by the window where he could see across the street, but wasn’t readily visible to the casual onlooker, or random angel.
“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m a stalker now.” He took a sip of coffee, and grimaced. “The coffee here is dreadful.”
“No, really. What’s going on?”
“I get bored. What’s it to you?”
“Nothing.”
“Good.”
He stood up to leave.
“On the other hand,” he said casually. “I think I might like a spot of lunch.”
Nina smiled and watched him walk across the street to the bookshop, but 20 minutes later, Nina frowned when she saw Aziraphale come out of the bookshop and stride purposefully toward the coffee shop.
“Shit.”
“Oh, Nina! How are you?” the angel asked as he entered. “I hope you have been well.”
“Mr. Fell,” Nina answered neutrally. “Long time, no see.”
“Yes,” he said a bit nervously. “I’ve been busy.”
“Ah.”
“I wonder, do you happen to know where Muriel is? I’d like to speak with her.”
“I believe she is out to lunch.”
“Oh?” Aziraphale asked. “Alone?”
Nina cursed under her breath.
“She’s with Mr. Crowley.”
“Oh. I see,” he mumbled. “Might I trouble you for a cup of tea…to go, please? I should get back to work.”
“Sure. Would you like some Eccles cakes with that?”
“No. Thank you.”
An hour later, Aziraphale was at his desk in Heaven sipping tea and poring over the Earth files where he found dozens of photos of Crowley and Muriel all over London and Britain. They were feeding ducks, having a picnic, or driving along the coast. There was one of them at the natural history museum, and another at an outdoor production of Much Ado About Nothing. His hands shook as he shuffled through the pile before returning the photos to the files.
“Of course,” he whispered. “What did I expect?”
---
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand,
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
---
The Supreme Archangel Aziraphale sat quietly in the staff meeting listening to Michael talk incessantly about the latest plans for the Second Coming. The meeting had gone on much too long.
“We have selected the woman to give birth to our Savior’s earthly mother so that the girl child may be born without sin,” the archangel said arrogantly. “When she reaches the appropriate age, I will visit her with the good news that she shall bear Our Savior, Jesus Christ.”
“Where is this woman located?” Aziraphale asked without much interest.
“Los Angeles.”
“Los Angeles, California?”
“Yes,” Michael answered disdainfully. “I have concluded that it is an appropriate location. As you know, she must be born in one of the more developed countries so that we can take advantage of social media when the time comes.”
The Metatron nodded, frowning a bit as he tried to remember what social media was.
“Very good,” he said finally. “If there is nothing else, you are dismissed.”
As Aziraphale walked back to his office, he tried to feel pleased that his efforts to slow down the Second Coming were so successful. He’d convinced the Metatron and the archangels that it was only proper that Jesus should be born to a woman without sin when he returned to Earth. Because the girl would be raised in the United States, she would have to be of legal age before she could become pregnant, but the archangels would insist that she be a virgin. If that young woman “sinned” before Michael visited her, they’d have to start over again, and so on.
Aziraphale was positive Heaven would not be successful in this endeavor the first time, or possibly ever. In the meantime, he would try to devise a plan to stop the Second Coming once and for all. For the hundredth time that day, he wished he could speak with Crowley, and regretted coming to Heaven without him, or at all, for that matter.
It seemed so important at the time, but months in the position had only shown him what a bumbling bureaucracy Heaven really was. No one up there knew anything about Earth or humans, and no one had spoken with the Almighty since Job. They were all guessing, and nobody had a Clue.
“Crowley and I would have had a plan months ago, but I guess that’s impossible now,” he mumbled. “I’m on my own.”
---
Ah, these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah, the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Oh, pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us, you know it doesn't keep me warm
---
Later that day, Aziraphale sat at his desk ignoring Uriel’s condescending attitude as she complained about the next steps in the Second Coming. The plan would work, but she had to obsess on some tiny detail that wouldn’t make any difference. Michael had just left his office after demanding to speak to him about some other unimportant aspect of the plan. Aziraphale had nearly reached his limit of the archangels’ forceful passive aggression. He needed a cup of tea…from Earth. The tea in Heaven was vile.
Aziraphale nodded absently, as he once again regretted his to decision take the Supreme Archangel position. Granted, he had come up with a scheme to slow down the end of the world, but that didn’t solve the problem. It just postponed it.
“Quite right, Uriel,” he said when she stopped talking. “You have always been so perceptive, and I know I can count on you to iron out that wrinkle. Thank you. If there is nothing else?”
Uriel blinked. She’d been trying to push the Aziraphale’s buttons since he arrived and could not understand his mild manner. She wanted to pick a fight. She wanted revenge for the fact that an incompetent had been promoted over her and Michael to lead Heaven. Now, she was stuck dealing with some niggling detail she’d only brought up to goad Aziraphale into an argument.
“Will you please close the door on your way out?”
Uriel frowned. How could Aziraphale be so bland and insulting at the same time? He managed to be offensive without giving her grounds to retaliate. She and Michael had been at each other’s throats since almost the beginning. That’s all she knew. She shut the door with slightly more force than was warranted.
Aziraphale rubbed his temples and tried to gather his thoughts. He knew it was a mistake, but he walked to the globe he’d had installed in his office and concentrated on the bookshop. He grimaced because it wouldn’t matter what he found there. If Muriel was gone, he’d assume she was with Crowley. If she was there alone, he wouldn’t get to see Crowley, but if the demon was in the bookshop, Aziraphale’s heart would break a little bit more. As it happened, Muriel and Crowley were just returning from some errand or outing.
Muriel was carrying a bag and chattering away while Crowley looked on…fondly? There was none of his usual agitation. He nodded and spoke calmly. The junior angel pulled a ridiculous hat out of the bag and shoved it on her head. The demon laughed, then carefully adjusted the hat and gave the thumbs up as Muriel skipped into the kitchen, likely for a cupperty. Crowley draped himself elegantly across the sofa, folded his arms on his chest and appeared to be asleep when Muriel returned with her beverage. She smiled and pulled a blanket up to the demon’s shoulder and gently patted his cheek. He pretended to swat at her, and she laughed. She disappeared into the bowels of the bookshop and Crowley napped.
Aziraphale returned to his desk and thought about Muriel. She had been so naïve when she arrived on Earth, almost childlike, but he had watched as she gained new confidence. Crowley had raised Warlock and interacted with hundreds of children in his long life. It only made sense that he would know how to deal with the junior angel.
“I wonder what her experience was in Heaven?” he murmured, but then shook his head.
He knew exactly what it was like for her. He’d seen and experienced the constant criticism and abuse. No angel was ever good enough or clever enough. It must feel wonderful to have someone as kind as Crowley guiding you, and telling you that you are good enough.
“Oh, we’re better than that. You’re better than that, angel!”
Aziraphale’s heart froze in his chest, and he raised his hands to his hot cheeks. He knew exactly what it felt like to have someone as kind as Crowley guiding him.
“Oh,” he whispered. “Oh!”
---
There are people in your life
Who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they've hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby
'Cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger
It'll eat you up inside baby
---
Crowley snuggled under the blanket on the sofa in the bookshop. He had spent the morning shopping with Muriel, and he was exhausted. Shopping was tiring enough, but the little angel took it out of him with all her enthusiasm, happiness and chatter. He needed some down time. He normally wouldn’t nap at the bookshop, but they were going to Maggie’s for dinner later, and he was too lazy to drive back to his apartment. Besides, the sun was shining in the window at just the right angle to warm his body without shining in his eyes. He sighed. His heart was still broken, but this moment was good. He was learning to appreciate the short intervals when the knots in his chest came untied.
He’d just gotten to sleep when he was awakened by a movement at his elbow.
“Flower,” he mumbled as he slowly emerged from his cocoon. “This better be important.”
“Flower?”
Crowley sat straight up on the sofa and stared, stunned, at Aziraphale, who stood in front of the desk.
“Wha?”
“Hello, Crowley.”
“What the fuck do you want, Aziraphale?”
“Crowley. Please don’t be like that.”
“Fine! Tell me how you want me to be, and I’ll snap to it like I always do.”
“That’s not fair.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to apologize.”
“For what, exactly? For leaving me? For leaving Muriel? For telling me how undeserving I am because I’m a demon? What!?!”
“Oh, Crowley! For all of that and more.”
“Look. You had your chance. Leave me alone. You don’t want me. You want the angel I was and that isn’t me anymore. Just get out. Go back to Heaven.”
“Crowley, please listen to me.”
“I gotta go.”
The demon stood up and shouted into the bookshop.
“Muriel, I’m leaving.”
“Oh. Ok, Mr. Crowley, but don’t forget, we have to bring dessert tonight.”
“I won’t. I’ll see you later.”
He glared at Aziraphale.
“Don’t be here when I get back.”
He slammed the door behind him.
Aziraphale slowly lowered himself onto his desk chair, his hands clasped in his lap, his face blank, which was how Muriel found him several minutes later.
“Supreme Archangel Aziraphale!” she gasped, standing at attention. “What can I do for you, sir?”
“Oh, Muriel, dear. How nice to see you. Please, relax and don’t call me sir.”
“Right.”
Muriel did not relax.
“Can I do something for you…?”
“I would love a cup of tea, if that’s not too much trouble.”
“Right away!’
---
Crowley stormed out of the bookshop and climbed into the Bentley. It took all of his self-control not to slam the door.
“Just go,” he grumbled, and the Bentley took off and drove aimlessly through the city.
“Fuck,” he whispered, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “Why did he have to come back?”
His heart was still broken. Aziraphale’s return just tore the scab off the wound, and the pain was as intense as when it first happened. He still loved and missed Aziraphale, but the angel obviously did not feel the same way about him, and he’d finally found a little peace.
Muriel, who spent eons alone in Heaven and never learned to despise demons, accepted him and valued him. She wasn’t Aziraphale, but she was an angel, and her regard meant more to him than he cared to admit. Maggie and Nina were humans and would grow old and die, but they were happy to share their short time on Earth with him.
This was more than he’d had since the Fall. It should be enough, but it wouldn’t be until he got closure with Aziraphale. It was time to give up pining and get on with living. He would do it. Just not today. He picked up his cellphone and dialed Muriel.
“Hello? Mr. Crowley?”
“It’s me. Is he still there?”
“Yes. He says he wants to apologize to you.”
“I know, but I’m not ready to hear it. Do me a favor, ok?”
“Sure.”
“Meet me at Maggie’s. I’ll pick up dessert on my way over. Is there anything in particular you’d like?”
“Sticky toffee pudding?”
“Got it. See you later.”
“Bye.”
---
I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So, I'm thinkin' about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
---
Muriel hung up the phone and looked sadly at Aziraphale.
“He’s not coming back today. He says he’s not ready to talk to you yet.”
“Oh. Did he say when he might be willing to see me?”
“No. I’m sorry.”
“I understand. Thank you, Muriel.”
“Of course.”
“We have some time before you have to be at Maggie’s. Why don’t you tell me about your time on Earth? Are you enjoying it?”
“I love it. It’s wonderful,” Muriel said happily, but she was wringing her hands.
“What is it, dear. Whatever is the matter?”
“I’m not sure I should say.”
“Please tell me. It will be just between us.”
“I don’t want to go back to Heaven. I was lonely there and the archangels…”
“Yes, dear?”
“They were so cross. All of the time. I didn’t like it. I don’t want to go back, but I don’t want to Fall.”
“Fall? Why are you worried about that?”
“Mr. Crowley is worried. Because I spend time with him.”
“Ah. Of course. Let me think about it and I’ll see what I can do.”
“Oh, thank you!”
“Well, I’ll be on my way. Goodbye, Muriel.”
“Goodbye.”
Aziraphale went back up to Heaven. Crowley wouldn’t speak to him, and was concerned that Muriel would fall because of their relationship. Oddly, that part was easily sorted. He was the Supreme Archangel, after all.
When he got to his desk, he summoned the Rolls of Angels. He found Muriel’s name, and made a short notation next to it that read:
Retired w/powers. Permanent Residence: Earth.
Aziraphale did not worry that the archangels would object. They and the Metatron forgot about Muriel the moment they returned to Heaven, but if they remembered, they couldn’t do anything to her. She was officially off the rolls.
“I wish you all the best,” Aziraphale whispered. “I'm sure you and Crowley will be very happy together. He is a good friend.”
The angel straightened his tie and got back to work. He felt oddly resigned. He’d made his choice, and he would make the best of it. There were certainly plenty of things in Heaven that needed to be fixed, and he was just the angel to do it.
---
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
---
One morning, several days later, the Supreme Archangel got a text from Muriel.
“Mr. Crowley said he’s willing to meet with you if you are still interested.”
“Tell him I’ll be right there. Would you mind giving us a little privacy, please?”
“I’ll tell him, then I’ll visit Maggie.”
“Thank you, dear.”
“Ta.”
Aziraphale’s hands were shaking so much that he couldn’t believe he was able to return Muriel’s texts. He stood and straightened his tailored suit, then shook his head. That would not do. He changed to the comfortable suit he favored on Earth, then walked out of his office and to the elevator. His throat was so dry, he couldn’t swallow, and his palms were sweating. Things might not have turned out the way he would have preferred, but he was relieved to finally apologize to Crowley. The demon deserved it.
He found Crowley in the bookshop, lounging on the sofa, a glass of wine propped on his knee as if he had no cares in the world. Aziraphale noticed the glass of wine on his desk, and took a seat in his usual place. The angel’s hands were clasped tightly on his lap. He didn’t feel steady enough to pick up the wine yet.
“Thank you for agreeing to see me, Crowley.”
“You wanted to apologize?”
The demon was amazed his voice was as steady as it was, and hoped Aziraphale couldn’t see that he was using his knee to steady the hand that was holding the wine glass. It was hard, but it was time to get this over with.
“I did.”
“Go on.”
“Yes. Of course.”
“Just do it like you practiced it,” Crowley said, not quite sarcastic.
Aziraphale took a deep breath.
“I was not a good friend to you,” he said simply. “You were always there for me. I could always count on you. I know you said you could count on me, but that wasn’t really true. I never let you down, but you deserved better.”
He took a sip of wine, no longer caring if Crowley saw his hand tremble.
“You were so good to me, and I kept you at arm’s length ‘because you were a demon’. I actually made you responsible for my cowardice! I shouldn’t have hidden our friendship. I should have told you how I felt a long time ago.”
The angel put his hands over his face in shame.
“There is no way I can apologize for everything I’ve done, and I’m willing to keep trying until you are satisfied, but I hope you will concentrate on all that was good in our friendship and let me make it up to you.”
“What do you mean you should have told me how you felt a long time ago?”
The demon’s voice was very soft.
“Oh, Crowley. You were my one and dearest friend. You were everything I wasn’t. You are so brave and so clever. I should have told you how much that meant to me, how much you meant to me, but I was afraid. Who ever heard of an angel and a demon? It was impossible!”
“Now, we know that it isn’t.”
“Yes. Now we know.”
The angel twisted the hem of his vest in his hands.
“I hope we can be friends.”
“Yeah, ok.”
“I took Muriel off the Heavenly Rolls, so you don’t have to worry about her Falling or suffering because of your relationship with her. She wasn’t afraid for herself, but she worried about you.”
“Wha?”
“Muriel told me that you were concerned she might Fall because she was with you, but I took care of that. You can be together.”
“Be together?”
“Isn’t that what you want?”
“You think I want to be with Muriel?”
“Don’t you love her?”
“Well, yeah, I guess, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“I assume you want to be with her like Gabriel and Beelzebub.”
“Muriel!?!”
“You said you love her.”
“For the love of…Pete, angel! I don’t want to run off with Muriel. I only ever wanted to run off with you. I wanted us. But you didn’t want that. You didn’t want a demon. You wanted the angel I was.”
Aziraphale’s heart skipped when Crowley called him angel. He’d been a coward for too long. He didn’t care what happened. He was going to tell the demon how he felt. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his trousers.
“But I didn’t!”
“Didn’t what?”
“I didn’t want the angel you were. I wanted to be with you, and I could only be with you if we went back to Heaven, but you would have to be an angel for that to happen. It was selfish of me, but I convinced myself that because you were so happy as an angel, you’d want that again.”
“I can’t go back.”
“I know. It was wrong of me to ask you. I wanted you, but I was willing to settle for him if that’s what it took for us to be together.”
Aziraphale’s hands were clasped so tightly on his lap, his fingers were numb.
“I’m in love with you, Crowley,” he said softly. “I want to be with you.”
The demon stared at the angel, his mouth slightly agape, for several seconds. Then he leaned back on the sofa and crossed his arms across his chest. Aziraphale’s heart dropped.
“Well, then. Be with me.”
“What?”
“I expect you have some paperwork to fill out in Heaven.”
“Crowley, be reasonable. I still have to manage the Second Coming. I can’t leave Heaven yet. I can’t just do what I want.”
The demon put his glass on the floor and stood up.
“I see,” he said. “I gotta go.”
“What? Crowley! I need you!”
“I understand. I really do. You need me. You want me, but you can’t choose me. That’s ok, but I have to move on.”
“But where will you go?”
“Don’t know yet,” the demon said as he opened the bookshop door. “Maybe nowhere. Maybe everywhere. All I really know is that I will make the decision based on what I need instead of following you, and that’s a good thing. Maybe I’ll see you around.”
“Crowley, please. . ..”
The demon stopped halfway through the door and turned to the angel.
“I forgive you,” he said, and closed the door firmly behind him.
And he meant it.