Chapter Text
It didn’t take long for the words to start floating around. It started with whispers in the corridors, around the cafeteria when he entered, and hushed conversations between other workers that stopped when he got too close. Loki wasn’t sure if his enhanced hearing was a curse or a blessing anymore. It wasn’t anything new for him, of course it wasn’t. Asgard was never a soft place to grow up in. He had learned to ignore others from a very young age, to pay no attention. No good it would’ve done.
But hearing it from his coworkers, the people he shared a table with, and went on missions with, that was something else entirely. He never told Mobius anything. He couldn’t. What was he even supposed to say? That he, the God of Mischief, was bothered by some whispering around him? No. He promised he’d be strong for Mobious, and he wasn’t going to ruin that promise.
The insults straight to his face started a few weeks later. He’d been walking back to his apartment after a mission gone slightly wrong (“Loki, you nearly lost a hand!” Mobius’s voice was still loud in his ears). He’d promised Mobious that he’d pick up some cleaner clothes, and join him for their weekly movie night in a bit. He enjoyed the little rhythm they’d fallen into during the past few months. Eating lunch together, watching terrible Midgard movies, always by each other's side. Loki would perhaps even consider it a friendship if he may. With a slight smile tugging on his lips, he was walking fast to his room, not paying much attention to his surroundings. Rounding a corner, he nearly ran into C-30 but managed to stop just in time so neither got hurt.
“Whoops, sorry there,” he said quickly. The hunter was staring at him when he went to walk past her, her hand suddenly coming out to stop him. “Yeah, careful there, wouldn’t want to end up with a dagger in me,” she replied quietly. Loki froze in his steps, turning a questioning look towards her. “Excuse me?” The hunter just smiled and lowered her hand, before walking away quickly. Loki stood there, staring after her confused. Had he ever hurt her? He doesn’t remember doing many missions with her, and definitely not stabbing her. He chose to brush it off, having more important things on his mind. Maybe it was just the TVA humor he hadn’t learned yet. Yeah, let’s go with that.
But it happened again. And again. Hunters and other workers making offhand comments when they are alone with Loki, pushing his buttons, just enough to make him question himself.
“Oooh careful there, don’t stab me in the eye now!” when he was playing around with a pen during an especially late research marathon.
“Hey hey, look at the pretty lady, trying to seduce Mobious into letting him escape” they sneered when Loki had tied up his hair so it wouldn’t bother him during a mission.
“What, gonna mind control me into letting you hold a weapon?” A-20 said coldly when Loki had asked for a knife to release the ropes holding together a particularly big stack of files.
No matter how hard he tried, it looked like Loki would never be able to escape his past. He listened to the jabs, and sneers, and whatever else they were throwing at him, ignoring them all. A year ago he would’ve gladly obliviated them, blown them to smithereens where they stood. But now… he had to think of Mobius. Even if it’s been a while since he started working here at the TVA, he knew full well both he and Mobius were on thin ice with Renslayer. One wrong move and he would be pruned, and Mobius would get punished for letting his variant act out. So he held his head up with pride, not letting them get to him. He had to protect Mobius. His soft, caring, amazing Mobius. No, he thought looking at the man opposite of him, explaining some new theory he had just come up with, he can’t hurt the only good thing in his life.
Mobius was worried, of course, he was. He had noticed Loki slowly curling back in on himself during the past few months, the mouth that used to always hold a smirk or a witty remark now pressed into a straight line. He was quiet during their lunches, arms wrapped around himself like he might fall apart any second. But when Mobious had tried to gently ask him if anything was bothering him, Loki had just smiled and shrugged, saying something about being tired. Mobius tried to believe him. Loki was used to leading armies, doing whatever he wanted, a free being in his own right, now forced to read files upon files, pretty much chained to his desk. Maybe the God just needed a change of pace.
“Hey, you’d wanna go on a mission again sometime? It’d be nice to get out and hunt something else than a Loki variant for a change,” he offered with a kind smile. Loki’s eyes met his, eyebags heavy under his eyes. When was the last time he had a good sleep? He seemed to ponder the idea for a bit, chewing on his lips, before finally nodding. “Yeah, let’s do it.”
So that’s how they found themselves roped into a mission to search for a variant of a young lady, no older than 25. She had tried to kill one of her patients at the hospital but proved to be unsuccessful. Wrong outcome.
The time portal took them right to Eastern Europe in December of 1992. The weather was freezing, but the wind wasn’t that bad. It was kind of beautiful, Loki thought, staring over the snowy landscape spread out under him. It reminded him of Asgard during the winter when soft snow was covering the streets, and he and Thor would have an epic snowball fight (“Using magic is unfair!” “No it’s not!”). He smiled at the memory, missing the childhood innocence they still had back then.
He didn’t notice Mobious and B-15 already moving, halfway up the small hill. He also didn’t notice the hunter standing behind him, leaning forward slightly, mouth next to his ear. “What, missing your home, frosty?” she sneered, pulling back a moment later.
Loki froze. “What?” he asked, refusing to move. Maybe he just misheard her, maybe it was his mind making up words, maybe….
“You heard me, frosty. I asked if you getting cold. Looks like you’re turning a bit blu-” Loki didn’t even let her end that sentence, turning around and slamming her to the ground, hard. His thoughts were running a mile a minute. How did she know? Was he changing? Did the others know? They’re gonna hate him. Throw him out, prune him, lock him up, he won’t see Mobious ever again, he’s going to hate him, he’s disgusting, someone please….
“Loki!” he heard Mobius call, appearing by his side in an instant. The hunter was still smirking at him, getting helped up by B-15. “Hey buddy, what happened?” Mobius tried asking him softly, but Loki couldn’t hear him. Blood was rushing to his ears, eyes locked on the hunter, his body begging to get out of there.
“What happened, hunter?” B-15 asked the hunter, eyes still on Loki. “I don’t know Miss, I was asking Loki if he’s cold and suddenly I was being pushed to the ground,” she explained in a shaky voice. “Okay, take the others and continue with the mission, I’ll figure this out,” B-15 told her, before pushing her away slightly. The hunter nodded and turned around, giving Loki one last glance over her shoulder.
“Variant, what happened?” B-15 tried. Mobius was running his hands up and down Loki’s, gently trying to bring Loki back into the present. But Loki could just stand and stare at the ground, feeling the ice in his veins, fingers rigid, legs frozen. After a few moments of silence, B-15 spoke again. “Mobius, you know I need to report this to Renslayer. Can you please take the Variant back to the TVA, and make sure he’s somewhere… safe.” Mobius nodded, eyes never leaving Loki’s face.
Loki slowly looked up at him and realized what he’d done. He’d hurt someone else, and now Renslayer will punish Mobius, and Loki will be killed, and it’s all because of him. “Mobius, I’m so sorry. I… You…” he tried, but Mobius was shushing him. “Hey hey, it’s okay, we’ll figure it out, okay? Now come on, let’s get back. Calm down.” Calm down? Calm down?! Loki was as calm as he could. What, did Mobius suddenly realize he was a monster and needed to be spoken to like a child? No, fuck that. The ice in his veins was growing colder, taking over his entire body. He took a step back while shaking his head, “No Mobius, you get back. I’ll be just fine out here.” The voices were louder than before, reminding him of everything. New York, Thor, his father telling him what a monster he was, never meant for anything else than a bargaining chip. Useless, worthless, dangerous. Mobius was still trying to get to Loki, but the sudden wall of ice appearing between them made him stagger back. “Loki!” But Loki had already turned around and was running. Where, he didn’t know. He never wanted to hurt Mobious, and that’s exactly what he’d done. A monster, just like his father had said.
Mobious and B-15 exchanged glances before sparring into action. “Get everyone back, I’ll go deal with him,” Mobius rushed out, but B-15 grabbed his arm before he could run off. “Are you crazy? He’s dangerous, you know that! You saw the rage in his eyes, if he wanted to, he could kill you in a second!” “I know that, but he doesn’t have anyone else! Let me take care of this, please. I failed him, and I need to fix this,” Mobius yelled and pulled his arm free, running after Loki before anyone could stop him.
Loki was cold. He was freezing, curled up on himself at a random barn, staring at the blue hands in front of him. He hadn’t transformed in a long time, hiding away the ugly, monstrous part of him. But now, the blue seemed fitting. Heart as cold as ice and all that. Hands that had hurt Mobius, the only good thing in his life. He pressed his face to his knees, tears streaming down his face. Why, why why…
Maybe if he killed himself, the pain would stop. No one else to hurt, one less monster in this world. The world didn’t need him, good for nothing, unstable variant. He was so lost in thought he didn’t even notice Mobius opening the door until it banged closed after him. Loki jumped up, hands ready to attack anyone coming too close. But locking eyes with Mobius, standing there with his arms up, face open and pleading, made Loki stop. “Hey sweetheart,” Mobius whispered, taking a small step closer, “would you like to tell me what’s going on?” Loki closed his eyes, begging the tears to stop. He promised to be strong for Mobious, but even that seemed impossible now. “I… Please… leave. I don’t want to hurt you,” he pleaded, refusing to open his eyes. Willing the ice to stay within, to not hurt Mobius again. “It’s okay Lokes, you won’t hurt me,” Mobius took another step closer. Loki didn’t seem to react, but the tears were still flowing, freezing at the bottom. Crystals all over his face, hands shaking, he looked more scared than dangerous. “I just want to help you,” he said gently.
Lokis eyes flew open, the shaking of his hands getting even worse. “Help? HELP? You can’t help a monster, Mobius! Leave now, or I will hurt you.” His voice wasn’t as strong as he had hoped for. Maybe Mobius won’t be stupid, and he will go, and leave Loki to his own misery. Loki didn’t deserve good things in life, like friendships and someone to care for him. He deserved to freeze to death in a prison of his own making. But Mobius wasn’t backing down. “We both know you won’t hurt me, sweetheart. And I don’t think you’re a monster, Lokes. Please, just let me in.” He took another few steps and was now within touching range. Lokis eyes were wide in fear, pleading for Mobious to leave, so full of pain and suffering. “Don’t touch me, or I will hurt you.” His voice was weak and small. He was so tired.
Mobius lifted his hands gently. “No, you won’t. Can I please prove that to you?” he asked, hopeful. The fight had left Loki's body long ago, and when he gave the smallest of nods, Mobius gently took Loki’s hands into his own. “See? I’m not screaming in pain, I’m not pulling away, you’re not hurting me. I’m okay. And you’re okay too.” Loki was full body shaking now, his knees giving up and falling onto Mobius, eyes shut in pain. Mobius lowered them gently to the ground, putting his arms around Loki’s cold body. He hugged him tight, whispering sweet praises into his ears. “You did so good Lokes, we’re okay, I’m okay, you’re okay. We’ll figure it out, you’re so good, my sweet prince.” He circled one of his hands on the small of Lokis back, the other playing with the hair on his nape. Loki was just a ragdoll in his arms, shaking and crying, trying to make himself as small as possible.
It took a long time for him to calm down, breathing finally slowing down and his body losing some of the blue. Mobius was still petting his hair, saying every calming thing he could think of. “Hey darling, there we go. Welcome back, it’s okay. I’m here, I won’t leave, it’s okay.” Ever so slowly, Loki raised his head and looked him in the eyes, face red and blotchy, lips slightly quivering, but it was his Loki.
“Mobius,” he croaked out. His voice was raw from crying. “I’m so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, you must believe me, I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me, I promise I’ll be better.” The words were raw, and cut Mobius like a knife. He could never send Loki away. It was his Loki, his best friend, someone he’d protect with his life. Loki crumbled again, and Mobius found his voice again. “Loki, my darling Loki, I could never. It’s me and you, forever. I promise it’s okay, we’ll be okay.” Loki could only sob harder at that.
After another round of tears, Loki seemed to calm down a bit again. Mobius felt him shift, and gently put his hand on his chin and raised it to make Loki look at him. He couldn’t believe this beautiful creature was in front of him, so vulnerable, pleading for Mobious to stay. How anyone could walk away from that and cast Loki aside like trash, he didn’t know. Those shining eyes were now looking at him, so open, just begging for Mobious to stay. “Hi love, you think you’re ready to head back now? We can warm up on the couch and watch one of those movies you love so much.” Loki closed his eyes again but didn’t pull his head away. After a few seconds, he gently nodded his head. “Yeah.”