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Quinn had her four-year-old nephew in her arms while his mothers were changing the twins’ diapers before their boarding time.
When Quinn heard that Brittany and Santana lost the battle again against not going home to Lima for the holiday and instead having their families come to New York, so Quinn offered to book her flight home through New York, so she could be on the same flight and help them as the number of kids outnumbered the young mothers.
Iggy loved the idea of sitting next to his aunt Quinn for the flight.
Brittany and Santana each would have one of the twins on their lap.
It was a short flight but even a two-hour flight could be hell with a 4-year-old and two one-year-olds.
They were flying first class for extra room and comfort, plus all the parenting blogs and articles Santana read recommended it.
Quinn was standing in line for Starbucks.
“Can I have a cake pop?” Iggy asked looking over the display.
“Sure. What color do you want?”
“The pink one.”
“Great choice.”
Iggy had finished his cake pop by the time they were rejoined by the rest of their family.
“Did Auntie Quinn get you a special treat?” Brittany asked eyeing the crumbs on her son.
“Uh huh.” He grinned going back to running his monster truck around the carry on bags.
“Q-” Santana started.
“No, no no no. Do not start. One little cake pop will not be the end of the world.” Quinn started. She was usually good about not going against their wishes but she saw nothing wrong with giving her well-behaved nephew a treat on special occasions and going to Lima for two weeks was a special occasion.
“I just don’t want him having a sugar crash on the plane.” Santana huffed. “Plus as soon as our parents see him, he’ll be filled with junk.”
“One cake pop won’t cause that.” Brittany reassured her. “Besides, Iggy, you’re going to have a nice wrap right?”
“Yup!” He grinned.
Santana just rubbed her forehead as she sat down and pulled the double stroller closer.
Before Brittany could ask her wife what she wanted from the wrap place, Santana’s phone rang. Santana looked at the caller ID and sighed.
“Hey Mom, yeah, we are at our gate, yeah everything seems to be on time. Quinn is with us, yeah she has Ig, no no the twins are fine, okay thanks for the tip but I think we’re not going to go drug them for the flight. Yeah, we still don’t give them alcohol in any form, nope not even when teething. I’m sure it worked like a charm with Britt and Ash, yeah, no we still aren’t going to do that. Yes, I am still reading parenting books. No, they’re actually written by like doctors or experts in early childhood development-that’s okay, you guys don’t need to drive out to get us, no it’s okay-yes my parents know when we’re getting in-I told them they didn’t need to drive out to get us too-okay I will call them right now and confirm they are not getting us. Okay. Yeah, I’ll pass on the message that you want us to stay with you for Christmas Eve so the kids are there for Christmas morning. Okay. Uh huh. Yeah, no that is a great idea Mom. Okay, love you. Sure I’ll tell Britt. Bye.” Santana groaned as she hung up. “Britt, we need to make sure your parents are never left alone with the kids if they can get their hands on Nyquil or alcohol. She thinks we should drug the kids for the flight. Oh, and she’s going to meet us at the airport.”
“But your brother is meeting us at the airport.” Brittany pointed out.
“I know. He was the good middle option, not a grandparent so no parent felt slighted. This is why I want to stay in New York. They all come to us, no one is fighting over whose house we wake up in for Christmas morning, no forcing me to go to church, or be shamed by a priest for not raising our kids Catholic.”
“Why would Whitney call you and not Britt?” Quinn had to ask.
“Because the last time she tried to make me pick between them or San’s parents I hung up on her and threatened to stay solely with Mami and Papi.” Brittany explained.
“You ever try that with your parents?” Quinn asked Santana.
“No, I like not having to dodge the chancla every time I see Mami. You and Britt keep forgetting that talking back to your parents is a white people thing. I talk back and I get smacked.”
“It’s abuse.” Brittany muttered.
“No, it’s only abuse if it leaves marks.” Santana pointed out.
“Tell me that is not that the approach you’re planning for the kids when they get old enough to talk back.” Quinn winced.
“Of course not. Iggy knows that would never happen. Hitting is never okay.”
“It did make a weird conversation point when he accidentally walked in on me spanking San one night…” Brittany frowned. “He thought I should go in a time-out.”
“Now we lock our bedroom door even when he’s asleep.” Santana checked the time on her phone and sighed. “Okay, I’ll go call my parents, make sure they are not meeting us at the airport and let them know that we’ll be spending Christmas night with Mom and Dad.”
Brittany just squeezed Santana’s arm. “As soon as the kids are busy with their grandparents I’ll give you a nice relaxing massage.”
…
Santana was stressed more than ever luckily Casey seemed to sense this and instead of feeling stressed herself instead was content to cuddle into her Mami.
Next to them, Brittany had Leon on her lap, he was playing with some toys on his tray in front of him. Just across the aisle, Iggy sat, his headphones on over one ear, an Ipad in the device holder on the seatback in front of him as he watched a movie with Quinn, who also had headphones over one ear.
Now and then he would turn to her and excitedly talk about what they were watching.
He was munching on the pretzels that were given to him and Quinn.
“Thank you for coming with me Auntie Quinn.” He grinned over to the blonde.
“Thank you for letting me sit next to you.” Quinn replied booping his nose.
…
Brittany knew her wife was near her breaking point.
Standing at baggage claim waiting for them were Santana’s brother, her parents and the Pierces including a teen Ashley who looked annoyed that she was forced to come.
“No one listens.” Brittany muttered. Before she could even start looking for where their bags would be coming out, Ignacio came running up picking his sister up in a spinning hug.
“I came with Mami and Papi, you know how they are, they were coming no matter what.” As soon as he set her down, he pulled Brittany in for a tight hug as well. “You look great.”
“You too. Is that a new tat?” Brittany pointed to the one on his collarbone.
“Yeah.” He pulled down the neck of his shirt to show off the cross with Lopez written straight down it. “Abuela likes it.”
“It’s good.” Brittany grinned.
“It’s better than the literal vagina prison tat on your back.” Santana muttered.
“Just because my pussy is nicer than yours-” He started only to get whacked by Santana.
“Mami, you hitted!” Iggy pointed out with a frown. “Mama, is Mami getting a time out?”
“Yup, she is. As soon as we go to Abeula and Abeulo’s Mami is going straight to her room.” Brittany nodded. Santana had to hide her smile because of course her wife knew that all she wanted right now was peace and quiet. The only way she was going to get it was if she hid away in her room.
Brittany took a deep breath before she went to tell her parents that they weren’t going to their house.
…
Brittany and the twins went home with the Pierces while Santana, Quinn, and Iggy went with the Lopez family. Brittany and the twins were dropped off to meet up with the rest of their family with the promise of all going out for dinner.
Santana had driven Quinn to her mom’s place before going back to her parents' house and going straight to her room. Brittany was already waiting for her with advil.
“Where’re the kids?” Santana asked flopping down on the bed and burying her face in her wife’s lap.
“Your mom took them to your Abeula’s. So right now, they are probably talking with your Uncle Hector.”
“They’ll need a bath to get the holy water off them.” Santana rolled her eyes. Abuela gave her shit all the time for not having the kids baptized, Santana’s response of find me a priest who’ll acknowledge my relationship with my wife as an actual marriage and I’ll baptize my kids, was not the response Abuela expected. Nor was the second chancla after Santana ducked the first.
“Maybe this year, you should just go to midnight mass.” Brittany offered. “But you can’t take the kids, that’s past bedtime.”
“I’d rather spend the time relaxing with you and trying to get some sleep before an excited little boy wakes us up at the ass crack of dawn.”
“Where are we going to find spare reindeer legs so we can make tracks?”
“Britt, the only way they could see the tracks would be if we let the kids go on the roof. How about instead we leave snowy bootprints around?”
“And a hat. Santa forgot his hat!” Brittany grinned.
“Genius.”
“I’m going to tell everyone at Christmas dinner that next year we staying in New York and they can either come up and visit us or they can stay here. But under no circumstances are we coming back to Lima for next Christmas.” Brittany explained after they had some time to actually rest and relax. “I’m going to say I am putting my foot down and if any grandparents start blowing up your phone to try and get your wife to change her mind, then I’ll put my foot down for the year after that too.”
“You really want to take on heat from our entire family?”
“Well, how else can I make your wish of having Christmas in our home a reality? You love Christmas. Two years ago you gave up decorating because we’re out of town for half the month. I want to go Christmas Tree shopping with you and cover it in unicorns and Wonder Woman toys.”
“I want that too Britt.”
…
Brittany woke up on the floor of Santana’s old bedroom.
Her wife was still sleeping in bed and in the spot where Brittany was, now Iggy spread out like a starfish taking up the entire bed, as proven by the fact that his leg was on Santana’s neck.
She grabbed her phone and checked the baby monitor camera to see how the twins were doing. They were still sleeping.
“Come on buddy, give Mama some room.” She whispered as she shifted the four-year-old, so he was lying in a more traditional pose. She was just about to get an arm around Santana’s waist when Iggy shifted determined apparently, to not have his mothers touch. “You’re killing me here kid.” Brittany huffed.
…
When Brittany woke up the second time, she was still on a bed, thankfully but was alone this time.
She closed her eyes again and decided to ignore the world as long as possible.
It was all going great until she heard shouting in Spanish, a few swears followed by a loud thud. After the thud, almost immediately after, she heard the unmistakable sound of her wife screaming followed by Iggy screeching.
Brittany leapt out of bed and ran towards to commotion, she saw Santana holding Iggy tightly.
“What happened?”
Now Brittany was fluent in Spanish, she could make random stories up on the spot in Spanish, and she could make out every word, when her wife was so far gone into bliss she just breathed out every thought in her head in Spanish. But she had never seen Santana like this, angry, terrified and worried while her anxiety was up to a twenty on a scale of one to ten.
As Santana screamed in rushed panicked Spanish, Brittany could only pick up a couple of words.
Iggy, railing, Papi, and hospital.
From what she could guess the sentence was, Papi was meant to be watching Iggy and instead, Iggy had climbed the outside of the railing and fell from high up and now Santana needed to take him to the hospital.
“San, can I check him out?” Brittany gently asked.
Santana nodded and passed him over.
There was a bump, that was already forming and Brittany couldn’t get him to open his eyes to see if his pupils were dilated.
“ I’m getting the twins. We need to go to the hospital right now! ” Santana was shaking and Brittany wanted to pull her into her.
“ Mi hija your father is a doctor. He can examine him here. You are overreacting. Babies are tough. Do you know how many times you or your brother hurt yourselves? ” Maribel tried to ease the tension.
“ He can’t keep an eye on a child, why would I trust him to spot the signs of a concussion or brain damage! ” Santana yelled. “ Britt, I’m taking Iggy to the hospital, follow with the twins after you pack our stuff. We’re spending the rest of our trip at your parents’. ”
“No, you are not driving like this.” Brittany argued physically turning away from Santana so she couldn’t take Iggy. “Go upstairs and get our bags, I’ll put Iggy in the car and get the twins. Deep breath baby, I’m here, we got this. If he can cry it’s a good sign.” Brittany pressed their foreheads together before kissing her wife quickly and nudging her towards the stairs.
Quinn met up with the Lopez-Pierces at the hospital, she took the twins out to a nearby playground while Brittany filled out the paperwork. Santana kept Iggy in her arms as she paced around the waiting room.
The triage nurse had informed Santana if she did not calm down shortly they would need to ask her to leave, which did nothing to lessen her anxiety.
Brittany wasn’t done with the paperwork when a nurse came up to them. Santana tensed as if she was prepared to have to fight someone to keep her son in her arms.
“Santana? Can’t get over how grown up you look, and you have your own kids now? Where does the time go?” The sweet older woman asked. “Your dad called ahead, and explained what happened, follow me, we’re going to take you right in.”
While they were in the exam room the nurse took out a syringe and a vile of something.
“He needs a shot?” Santana’s eyes went wide.
“No, this is for you. The anxiety and panic coming off you in waves is contributing to his distress. When your father called, he said that you’d need some lorazepam. Now, are we going to give you the injection or am I calling security to come remove you?”
Santana looked over at Brittany as if her wife could help her somehow.
“What if I hold him? Can she stay undrugged?” Brittany asked.
“Fine, but she has ten minutes to calm down before she has to pick.”
…
Santana ended up having to be drugged.
After an hour of observation, they were informed that Iggy was okay, with no sign of a concussion, the bump was a lot smaller.
As soon as Iggy was inside the Pierce house he was being handed junk food and new toys.
Brittany carried the groggy Santana up to their bedroom and tucked her in.
“Go to sleep, Sweetie.” Brittany murmured kissing her wife gently.
Santana was only alone in bed for five minutes before she was joined by Quinn.
“Your wife sent me up to be your teddy bear.” Quinn explained wrapping an arm around Santana’s waist and pulling her in to be her little spoon.
“Urg, you’re breathing on my neck.” Santana groaned.
“You are filled with a tranquillizer how are you still bitching?” Quinn rolled her eyes.
“Why did I ever give you the best night of your life?”
“You are lucky Britt scares me when she gets jealous and possessive because otherwise, I would be insisting I gave you the best you’ve gotten.”
“Oh, I am so telling B. I wanna see her tear you a new one.” Santana reached for her phone only for Quinn to slap her hand away.
“You are not tattling on me to your wife. Stop being a brat.”
…
Brittany was double-checking the outfits of the twins in their stroller while Santana was tucking hair out of Iggy’s face and into his Santa hat that was being used to cover his bump.
They were in line for pictures with Santa.
“Mercedes, Artie, and Tina texted me asking if we’re all in Lima for the holiday and if so do we wanna meet up for dinner at Breadstix?” Quinn asked looking over at her friends for an answer.
“Ask if they’re fine with the kids coming because I don’t feel like leaving them right now.” Santana undid Iggy’s necktie before retying it.
“We haven’t brought the kids to Breadstix before, it would be nice for them to see their Mami’s favorite restaurant.” Brittany looked excited at the idea.
“They all just assumed the kids would be coming anyways.” Quinn informed them. “I’m telling them we’re just waiting for the kids to have photos with Santa. Oh, Mercedes wants copies of the photos. So she can have a reminder to look at every day on tour why her best singer and dancer aren’t with her.”
“She’s so dramatic.” Santana laughed.
“Oh my God! Britt! San! Quinn!”
The Unholy Trinity looked over to see who was screaming at them and Quinn had to laugh at how excited Sam was.
“Hey guys!”
“Hey Sam.” Quinn took the lead.
“Wow look how big you got Iggy! You’re going to be my new quarterback right? No way, these can’t be the twins? They were like just born last month.”
“He’s not playing football.” Brittany stressed. “No contact sports.”
“Maybe.” Santana added. She saw nothing wrong with it because she was sure by the time he was old enough, either all of the helmets would be more protective or they just would ban all tackling.
Brittany gave her a look which meant that they would be having this discussion later.
“You gonna be a Cheerio like your moms?” Sam asked not wanting to push it.
“I don’t think we’d ever move here. We’re not going to stay in the city, it’s really not a great place to raise kids, but it’s better than Lima.” Brittany had been on a whole kick lately of moving them out of the city.
“Any coach he’s gonna have needs to be a lot less intense than Sue.” Quinn added.
“ Mama, why is his mouth so big? Is he gonna swallow Leon and Casey? ” Iggy asked looking up at Brittany for answers as he spoke in Spanish.
“ He just has a Trouty Mouth Baby.” Brittany answered him.
“Did you just say Trouty?” Sam asked eyeing Brittany.
“How do you know Trouty in Spanish?” Santana questioned.
“We dated. For months. You used to say it all the time. I figured it out after a while.”
“We dated?” Santana looked completely baffled. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I dated Quinn, then you, then Brittany.”
“Wait, we dated?” Brittany asked.
“Unlike them Sam, I do remember, you need to keep in mind their world revolves around each other so any time they aren’t together they tend to forget what happened as soon as they get back together.” Quinn explained.
He just nodded his understanding remembering when Artie told him how Brittany didn’t remember they dated for 3 months.
While they waited in line they caught up with what news had happened since they last got together.
Then it was time to sit on Santa’s lap.
Brittany took Iggy up to Santa, placing him on the man’s lap.
Iggy looked a bit worried but when Brittany smiled at him and held up two thumbs up he relaxed and smiled for the picture. Deciding he was too shy to tell him what he wanted.
The twins, however, when placed in the lap by Santana and Brittany, proceeded to just scream and reach for their mothers.
After a total of twenty seconds the photo was taken and they quickly took the babies back where they instantly quieted and cuddled into their mothers' arms.
Brittany texted the group text and ask if anyone minded if she invited Sam explaining how they just ran into each other.
Everyone gave the okay.
“We’re all heading to Breadstix for dinner, we’re meeting with Mercedes, Tina and Artie, you wanna join?”
“I’d love to but my sister is bringing home her college boyfriend for the first time so I need to make sure he’s good enough for her.” Sam politely declined. “But before you guys leave, we should totally get together.”
“Yeah, totally.” Quinn nodded.
…
“Damn it, I thought I was finally done with you two.” The old tired waitress, Sandy sighed as she spotted Brittany and Santana enter the restaurant. “How many?”
“We’re meeting some people, we also need two high chairs.”
Sandy rolled her eyes and laid the menus back on the host stand before walking away.
“Do you think she remembers all the stupid bullshit we pulled?” Quinn looked over to Brittany and Santana.
“No way. She loves us. Britt and I were here every Friday. It was date night.”
“And every Sunday.”
“We even got them to cater the wedding remember? We had to pay extra to make them cross state lines.”
“I really think she remembers and hates us.” Quinn tried to explain.
“You think who hates you?” Tina asked wheeling in Artie with Mercedes right next to them.
“Sandy.”
“You mean from all the times you guys tried to scam her to get free food or the wheelbarrow incident, or-” Mercedes started to list.
“Okay. That’s enough. We never asked.” Santana huffed.
When Sandy returned she grabbed the menus for all of them, including two children’s menus before leading the group to the table where on end of the table was chairless, and the other end had two highchairs.
“Auntie Quinn, will you sit next to me?” Iggy asked reaching up for Quinn’s hand.
“Of course I will.” Quinn grinned holding his hand. “You know this is where your mommies had their first date.” She whispered to him.
“What’s a date?” He whispered back.
“It’s when two people go to dinner and tell each other how much they love each other and usually there’s a kiss at the end.”
“Or just handholding.” Brittany added. She put Leon in one of the highchairs and sat next to him while Santana put Casey in the other and sat next to her. Quinn put Iggy on Santana’s other side and sat next to him.
Soon they all had their meals, Iggy had fires and chicken strips, and the twins were splitting an order of veggies and some torn-up breadsticks.
Santana was trying to talk Iggy into taking a bit of a breadstick.
“Just one little bite, please?” She begged him.
“How did he go this long without having tried one before?”
“We haven’t been here with the kids before.” Santana explained simply.
“What are you asking Santa for Iggy?” Tina asked looking over to the boy.
“A monster truck. A big one that I can drive like Mr. Bus Driver drives.”
“Like a real one or a toy?”
“Real one duh. Just like Blaze.”
“He’s from a tv show.” Santana figured that might clear it up as she tore up more pieces of breadsticks for Casey. Casey absolutely loved the breadsticks she really was her Mami’s daughter. “Ig, tell them what Leon and Casey are asking for.”
“A baby brother!” He grinned.
“Okay, for the last time Iggy, Santa doesn’t bring baby brothers. Mommies decide if they want to have another one and then after a lot of hard work and time you get one.” Brittany stressed. “Leon and Casey asked for tricycles.”
“Iggy, if you take a bite of the breadstick I will buy you a remote control Megalodon, the one that we said you were too small for.” Santana offered.
“The big one?”
“Yup, the one that’s half your size.” Santana nodded.
Iggy looked over to Brittany. “Really? Just a bite and I’ll get the truck?”
“Yeah, one bite.” Brittany knew Santana’s usual stance on bribery when it came to getting the kids to try new things but if she resorted to it, clearly having Iggy try breadsticks were very important to her. Brittany ripped off a bite from one and passed it to Iggy. “All this is one bite.”
He took a deep breath like he was being tortured before he stuck it in his mouth and screwed up his face.
“I dun like it.”
Something made a sound like someone had been shot, Brittany was pretty sure it was Santana judging by the way her wife’s bottom lip was trembling. Brittany covered Santana’s hand with her own. Sandy was by passing by at this moment and dropped a napkin on the table covering the women’s joined hands. Brittany rolled her eyes wondering how all these years later they were still being trolled by that waitress.
“It’s okay baby. It’s okay. We knew this was possible. But hey, look, the twins love them.”
“I just need a minute.” Santana muttered getting up and running to the car in the parking lot.
“You know just when you think she is a completely different person than she was back in high school-” Artie started.
“Oh, Santana has never changed. She just started showing the real her to more people.” Mercedes stated.
“So true. You should’ve seen how she was when it was just us three at sleepovers.” Quinn nodded.
“Or when it was just us.” Brittany added.
“I’ll keep an eye on the kids, you go comfort your wife and let her know that Iggy not liking breadsticks is not the end of the world.” Quinn offered. “Even if it breaks her heart.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
…
It was the 23rd. The kids were down for the night and they were using this time to wrap all the Santa gifts. Santana had turned her phone off deciding that she was in a fight with both her parents for making her be drugged at the hospital when her son needed her. Even though it had been three days since they had to go to the hospital.
Brittany’s phone was being blown up by Maribel.
The plan was to have Christmas Eve dinner with the Lopezes, after which Santana was guilted into going to the midnight church service while Brittany stayed home with the kids.
Brittany looked at the recent text.
Mami: Tell my chiflado to turn her phone back on.
Brittany didn’t know that word.
“San, what’s a chiflado?”
“Who said that?”
“Mami.”
“About?”
“You.”
“Well tell her that I am a grown-ass woman and until I get an apology for them literally forcing a nurse to drug me after they neglected my son which led to him getting hurt I am not dealing with them and to enjoy her first Christmas without her grandkids.”
“We are not keeping them from the kids. It’s not fair on the kids.”
“Keeping them away from the kids is the best way to keep them safe. Next thing you know my dad’ll be giving Iggy a cigar.”
Brittany sighed.
“No. San, look at me, I know you are upset with your parents, but I’m sorry I’m putting my foot down. You don’t have to forgive them, but for the sake of the kids, you need to be civil with them. So please turn on your phone, and at least text your parents back. We are still going there for Christmas Eve dinner.”
“We’re not going over there.”
“We are.”
“Fine. Let me rephrase it. My children and I are not attending.” Santana had her arms crossed over her chest.
“Do I get a say in where my children go?” Brittany asked raising an eyebrow knowing that this was going to be one of their rare fights. “San, baby, you know I want what is best for our kids too. We need to discuss this.”
“I’m trying but what if it was worst? What if the hospital reports us to CPS? We’ll lose the kids and then you’ll leave me because it’s my fault.”
“First of all, even if CPS was called, they have to find a repeated pattern of abuse which they wouldn’t so we wouldn’t lose our kids. Second, the only way I would blame you would be if you decided to change who you are completely and start abusing our kids. I know you are worried and freaking out and it was not okay for you to be drugged just so you could stay by Iggy’s side and trust me, when we can, we’ll have a nice discussion with your Dad about him abusing his position at the hospital. But we both know that your parents wouldn’t knowingly hurt our kids. They love them and trying to keep them away from your parents is going to hurt the kids. All those stories and memories you have with your Abuela, that make you love her so much, you’d be depriving our kids from making them.”
Santana just sighed. “Why do you have to be such a damn genius Britt?”
“Go turn on your phone. I love you but you are too stubborn for your own good.”
…
Brittany was boiling the kettle in the kitchen when Iggy ran in.
“Mama, is it Christmas? Did Santa come?”
“No buddy, that’s tomorrow. Tonight we are going to see Abuela and Abuelo and after we’re setting out cookies and milk. Come on, time for breakfast.”
“Are we having cookies?”
“No silly. We’re having oatmeal.”
“Yay!”
Santana came in carrying the twins, her hair wrapped up in a towel.
“Why did you shower? We showered last night.”
“Leon peed on me when I changed him, and then Casey, not to be outdone, threw up on me.” She placed them in their high chairs and gave her wife a peck on the lips. “What’s for breakfast?”
“Oatmeal.”
“Yay.” Santana clapped her hands in front of the twins who started mimicking her. “I’ll start cutting up the berries.” Santana pulled down three of the children’s plastic IKEA bowls and two plastic Disney bowls. Santana spooned a bunch of sugar into one of the Disney bowls, before dropping in two blueberries and pouring in a pouch of oatmeal, the kind with the dino eggs. She poured one more pouch into one of the IKEA bowls. Then she grabbed a pouch of plain oatmeal and split the pouch between the remaining three bowls.
“You made sure Ig and I got the dinos?” Brittany asked taking the now boiled kettled off the stove.
“Of course, and you have extra sugar.” Santana chopped up a bunch of strawberries, blueberries, mangos and bananas.
…
Iggy was sitting in the middle of the coffee table while he drove his 2ft tall RC Monster Truck in the shape of a shark around the living room chasing Lord and Lady Tubbington.
The twins were safe in their playpens.
Santana was sitting on the couch making sure that Iggy didn’t terrorize the cats too much.
“San, how is this outfit?” Brittany asked entering the room in a strapless dress more appropriate for clubbing than a family dinner.
“For dinner? I mean, I love it but I don’t know if the rest of the family want to stare down the girls over rolls.”
“No, I meant for church…” Brittany frowned looking down at herself. “So I should cover them up? Next, you’ll tell me I’ll need tights.”
“Yeah. Tights are a needed thing for church. Underwear too.”
“Underwear too? But they’re just gonna get in the way of the quickie boxes.”
“Confessionals and the only people having quickies in them are the altar boys and priests.”
“Okay, I understand you not wanting Iggy going to church now.”
“I mean, more so the fact that I don’t want people brainwashing him into thinking there is something wrong with his family. Since I wouldn’t ever leave any child alone with a priest, or nun, they hit hard. Why are you looking for a church outfit? You haven’t been to church since our first Christmas after we got married.”
“Yeah, but I think I should. I mean church is a big part of your family’s traditions.”
“Which is why I had such a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I loved you. Also why I love sleeping in on Sundays now. If it was the Lord’s day of rest, why did we have to get up so damn early.”
“Yeah, but I’ve gotten Abuela to stop introducing me to people as The White Whore Who Corrupted Her Perfect Granddaughter and Condemned Her to Hell . Which she would always say in Spanish even though she knows I speak it.”
“When has done that? Wait, has she been saying that the entire time? Britt. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve told her to stop.”
“It’s fine, but she stopped doing it and now I feel like I should take the next step and try and get her to like me more.” Brittany waved her wife’s concern away. “So church.”
“What has been introducing you as now?”
“The nanny of her great grandkids but it’s close to the truth. I mean look at what she’s called your brother, or your cousins. I still don’t know which one is just ‘the whore’.”
“Britt. That’s not okay. I really wish you told me when this first happened.”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Really, it’s not worth you fighting with her.”
“It is worth it. What isn’t worth it is you going to church to try and make her like you better. She adored you before she found out you were engaged to me. I know you want to watch telenovelas with her, but it hasn’t happened yet and I don’t think it will. Not with her. You can keep watching them with Mami. She loves it, you love it. You guys have fun on skype watching them with your wine. You don’t need to have Abeula added to it.”
“Do you think she’d like me better if I explain that I’m bi? And tell her what bi is.”
“I mean, she would find some comfort in knowing that you like men, but ultimately annoyed that I don’t.”
“Is church a dress-only thing or could I wear some pants and a nice blazer? I’m guessing a suit is too gay?”
“Suit would be too gay, and I have a hard time controlling myself around you when you wear suits. You’re just too damn sexy.”
“Well I can’t borrow a nice dress from you, your modest dresses look like mini dresses on me because you are so tiny. How about you go up to my closet and see if anything I own is fit for church?”
“Sure. If you are so determined to go to a building where the whole point is to be told you are a horrible person and will be going to hell no matter what unless you give a bunch of money to them.”
“I married you, which means I married your family which means I need to go to church.”
“You didn’t go for eight years.”
“San, I am trying to be a good daughter-in-law. Now go find me something to wear so I don’t embarrass your family.”
…
Brittany was panicking in the driveway.
“This is terrible. Look at this. I got a run in my pantyhose. Do you have an extra pack?”
“No, but here you can have mine.”
“Won’t they be pissed you don’t have any?”
“It’s more important for you to be proper than me.” Santana kicked off her heels and started to shimmy out of her tights in the passenger seat. “Your parents are still okay with babysitting?”
“Yeah. They’re disappointed that it’s after we’ll tuck them in, but you know, eighty-twenty chance when we get home they’ll have woken all three up.” Brittany opened the driver-side door and put on her wife’s tights in her In-Law’s driveway. “ Okay, time for Christmas Eve dinner. ” Brittany sighed.
Alma was excited to see her great-grandkids, peppering the twins and Iggy in kisses. She pulled Santana in for a tight hug, kissed her cheek and smiled at Brittany.
“ Did you see last night’s Dance with the Devil ? I swear Diego is up to something and I don’t think it’s his evil brother this time. ” Brittany asked.
“I’m sure it has nothing to do with the eye patch he needs suddenly.”
“ Abuela, Britt is going to join us for Midnight Mass. ” Santana stated.
“ Well, good thing you have time to change into something more appropriate. ”
“ Abeula! Brittany looks amazing! Look at her, that dress is nicer than most of the choir’s. ”
“ At least she has her knees covered unlike you. ” Abuela pointed out before going to see Iggy.
After everyone had had a drink, Brittany attempted five more times to make conversation with Abuela before Maribel pulled her upstairs.
“I am going to tell you this so you can stop trying to do the impossible. Abuela is never going to come around. A year or so after the wedding, she googled Santana trying to find videos of you girls on tour.”
“Oh no…”
“She found a video that she thought was a short film…”
“No…”
“Called 2 Girls 1 Cat…why the two of you felt the need to upload a sex tape, I don’t want to know but as soon as she realised what it was-”
“Oh god…well I guess that explains why she hasn’t looked me in the eye in years…you haven’t told San right?”
“Oh God no. That’ll kill her. But, Abuela saw you, doing things, to Santana so-”
“So she now has a visual to go with the sentence of The White Whore Who Corrupted Her Perfect Granddaughter and Condemned Her to Hell . Great. I need to go apologise to her.”
Brittany waited until Abuela was alone in the kitchen before she made her move.
“ Abuela, I just found out that you saw a video that I really wish you hadn’t seen and I wanted to apologize for it, and for what you saw me do to your granddaughter. Out of wedlock. And filming it. Then uploading it. ”
“Are you done?”
“Yes.”
“When you go to Mass, you will go to the confessional. I also want my great-grandchildren to go to heaven so you will be baptizing them in the church with Father Garcia.”
“Will Father Garcia baptize kids with two mothers?”
“He will make the exception for me.”
“Okay. I’ll go convince Santana.”
Brittany found Santana talking to some of her cousins. She wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin on her shoulder.
“You still have that nice place in the Upper West End right?” Amelia asked leaning into the arm of her own husband.
As Brittany said yeah, Santana said why.
“Is the Upper West End the gay part or do they let straight people there?”
“West Village is the gay village. They’re different and yes they let straight people in the West Village.”
“Where’s the gay part of Toronto?”
“Church and Wellesley.” Brittany answered.
“Do you just magically find out the gay part of every city when you first kissed a girl?”
“No. We googled fun clubs when we were on tour.” Santana rolled her eyes. She didn’t get why her family was stuck with such ancient ideas about the queer community.
“But you’re like right next to Broadway right? Because we want to go see In the Heights.”
“No, we’re across a river from it, but we are just below the actual heights, and Harlem.”
“I thought you lived in a nice area.”
“Look, if you want, you can stay at our place, it’s only like 10 mins away by cab if traffic isn’t too bad. It’s a lot cheaper than any decent hotel.” Santana offered.
“How much cheaper?”
“It’s free, or you can spend like 300 a night.” Brittany offered.
“Will you pay for our flights? Abuela keeps talking about how rich you two are.”
“Fuck no I’m not paying for your flights.”
“Oh, but you’ll buy a 4 year old a first class ticket but not two coach tickets for your favorite cousin?”
“Fine, how about we drive up and bring all the large gifts that you can’t possibly fit on the plane? But you pay for the trailer and gas?”
“Sounds great.” Brittany quickly agreed. “Get a rental though, parking is hell. Now if you don’t mind, I need to discuss something with my wife in private.” Brittany started to pull Santana upstairs to her old room.
“If this is for a quickie, I’m not really in the mood, but I’ll go down on you if you want.” Santana shrugged as Brittany locked the door behind them.
“That’s sweet, but no. I need a favor.”
“Of course Britt. Anything.”
“We need to baptize the kids with Father Garcia…”
“What did she do?”
“Nothing. I just know it means a lot to her and I don’t see anything wrong with us letting them get baptised and then never go to church again.”
“Fine. I’ll agree to it, but for the next five times we fuck I want to be in charge and I get two pillow princess nights.”
“Sure I’ll let you pretend to be in charge.” Brittany rolled her eyes. “So yes I can tell Abuela that we’ll let Father Garcia baptize the kids?”
“Yes, you can tell her. Thank you for caring so much about what my family wants.”
…
“ All I’m saying is, it wouldn’t be horrible for people passing our grandsons to know they are boys. ” Alonzo Lopez argued. “I have my clippers upstairs, give me five minutes-”
“ There is nothing wrong with their hair. Iggy likes his long hair. He likes having it up, however we do. ” Santana argued. “ Iggy, do you like it when Mama braids your hair or when you have it up in a bun like her for dance class? ” Santana asked the little boy rubbing his back,
“ Yeah. ” Iggy nodded around a mouthful of pastelitos.
“ Would you like to have your hair match Abeulo’s? ” Alonzo tried.
“ It doesn’t matter Papi, it’s not happening. End of discussion. ” Santana was cutting up the Puerco asado for the twins.
“ Have you considered more about moving out of the city of sin? ” Tio Hector asked, a napkin tucked in over his priest collar.
“ Nope. ” Santana wanted to ask if he considered more about moving away from the church but she didn’t feel like getting hit. “ Is this the usual moro de guandules? ”
“ I tried a new recipe. Carmen found it online and wanted to help me make it. ” Abuela explained. “ Maybe next year, you could join in the preparations Santana. ”
“ I tried to help tonight but you kept sending me away from the kitchen claiming my hair and earrings would fall into the food. ”
“ Because you use too many extensions. If you took care of your hair, you wouldn’t need to add any extra. ”
“ Abuela, Santana is too big to help out the family, she has the New York City townhouse, the housekeeper, the national commercials- ” Carmen started listing.
“ And unlike Carmen, I don’t have the herpe. ” Santana muttered under her breath getting an elbow from Brittany.
“ Oh and look, the abusive butch wife. ” Carmen glared.
“ Brittany, this Pastelón de plátano maduro you made is so delicious. ” Maribel stepped in trying to stop the arguing.
“ Thank you Mami, I just followed the recipe and steps like you showed me last year. ”
“ Alejandro, did you set up the fireworks? ” Abuela asked her grandson.
“ No, Ignacio did. ”
“ I bought it off that Puckerman kid, kid said he snuck them in from Mexico so you know they’ll be great. He told me the usual discount isn’t a thing anymore so thanks for that Santana. ” Ignacio playfully glared at his sister. “ Couldn’t keep dating him just for the discount on illegal fireworks? ”
Santana just leaned close to Brittany. “I dated Puck?” Brittany just shrugged and texted Quinn asking if she remembered Santana and Puck dating.
“Quinn says we both did…”
“Really?”
…
After the fireworks Brittany and Santana drove the kids back to Brittany’s parents’ place.
The kids were bathed and changed into their Christmas PJs. Santana took a video of Iggy hanging up his stocking, and Ashley filmed Brittany and Santana helping the twins hang theirs.
Iggy put out the cookies with the biggest grin and laid down the carrot beside the plate. Iggy decided instead of milk, Santa would like coffee to help him stay awake.
Iggy stayed downstairs with his aunt while his mothers brought the twins upstairs to bed.
Santana was zipping up the sleep sack for Casey.
“What should we sing to them tonight? Christmas song or will that be too exciting?”
“Too exciting. How about the usual?”
“Okay. Start singing Songbird.” Brittany grinned zipping up Leon’s sleep sack and placing him in his crib.
The twins were fast asleep, Iggy was in bed but wide awake. They had read over five books to him already and he wasn’t slowing down.
“Come on, lie back, close your eyes.” Santana hushed as she lay on one side of the small bed with Iggy while Brittany lay on the other.
“One more story?” He asked looking between them.
“One more story.” Brittany sighed. “But remember, Santa can’t come until you’re asleep. Now, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”
“Ig. It’s eleven at night, you gotta go to sleep baby.” Santana whispered looking at the wide awake four year old.
“But I can’t. I’m too excited.”
“But you need to sleep. We gotta go to boring church.”
“You go to church Babe, I’ll stay here with Iggy and make sure he sleeps.”
“But you’re the one who wants to go…” Santana huffed. “Fine.” She kissed the top of Iggy’s head. “Go to sleep. The sooner you sleep the sooner Santa comes.”
…
Santana was standing under the spray of the shower, her face staring up into the spray, eyes and mouth wide open. She heard the bathroom door open.
“How was it?” Brittany asked jumping up on the counter.
“Bad. So bad. Abuela told Father Garcia about agreeing to the baptism so right there they have it all planned. Next Sunday. We need to find other Catholics to be Godparents.”
“That is so fast.”
“Well, when Father Garcia heard from Carmen how I gave birth to my brother’s kids he wanted it done fast. He was annoyed that the kids weren’t in mass to do it right then and there.”
“It’s like no one watched Friends. It’s not that weird. It’s not like it was your eggs, which is good ‘cause let’s face it a full Lopez baby would take over the world.”
“If it survived having five heads and 1 toe between four feet.” Santana shook her head. She reached for the loofah only to have Brittany reach in and slap her hand away.
“No loofah for you. Whenever you use the loofah after coming from church you scrub yourself too hard and last time you bled so no, no loofah.”
“Britt, I gotta get clean.” Santana pouted.
“Yeah, I’ll wash you. Duh.” Brittany grinned as she started to strip. “Now move over.”
…
“Where should we put these hoofs now that we don’t need them anymore?” Santana asked holding the served plastic reindeer foot in the front lawn.
“Neighbors trashcan? I’d suggest keeping it for future years but we can’t risk it being found.”
“Perfect.” She carefully stepped on any bare patches of ground before she could shove it into an empty trashcan. “Now let’s get inside, I’m freezing my tits off.”
“Not your tits. I love them.”
When they got back to the living room Brittany shoved a full cookie in her mouth while Santana bit at the carrot. Santana then drank a bunch of the coffee before cracking a cookie in half, dropping one half in the coffee while eating the other.
“Think next year we can tell them Santa prefers rum?”
“Not unless we want him repeating it at school.”
“Good point.” Santana took off the Santa hat from her head, tossing it so it looked like it fell off Santa naturally. “Okay, we should be able to get-” Santana checked the time on her phone. “-fuck, three hours before the twins wake up.”
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Brittany swept Santana up in her arms.
“If we weren’t both so tired, this right here would make me go down on you when we got to bed.” Santana gestured between them.
“I know and even if we complain about the early mornings, we wouldn’t trade the kids in for it.”
“Nope. They’re worth giving up sex for.”
“But thank god we don’t have to.”
…
“Mami! Mama! Get up! He came! He came! Santa came!” Iggy jumped up and down on the bed, sometimes it was including a limb that belonged to one of his mothers. Upon the third time landing Brittany grabbed him tight in her arms. She looked over at the alarm clock. Two hours. They had gotten two hours.
“It is way too early. Come on, lie down. Go back to sleep.”
“But Mama Santa came!”
“Shh. It’s still nighttime.” Santana wrapped an arm around him to help Brittany keep him down.
“But the sun is out.”
“No, the sun is sleeping buddy, that’s just a lamp in the sky.” Brittany argued. “Sleep.”
“Iggy! Casey! Leon! Wake up! Look who came downstairs!” Pierce screamed as she ran around the house.
“I’m going to kill my Dad.” Brittany groaned letting Iggy out of her hold.
“It’s fine. After everything is opened and the kids are fed, your Dad is going to be babysitting while we sleep.” Santana forced herself to sit up.
The presents were all opened, the twins were asleep in their swings and Iggy was driving around in his Monster Truck Power Wheel.
Santana was wrapped up in a blanket staring at the new necklace that Brittany bought her that had all their initials and birthstones on it.
Brittany was flipping through the scrapbook that Santana had made up for her and was pleasantly surprised when she got to the last page and found a positive pregnancy test.
“San, when was this?”
“Last night. I had a feeling a week ago so I thought it might go well with your gift.” Santana grinned. They had kept it secret (minus Ignacio since they needed his sperm) that they were trying for a 4th baby.
Brittany just pulled Santana in for a kiss and laid a hand over her belly.
“I know it’s too early for it to be anything but a clump of cells, but I dunno, I feel it.”
“I know. I feel like that too. Hard to think in nine months we’re gonna have a newborn.”
“There’s something else too.” Santana pointed to a little envelope at the back of the book. Brittany opened it and pulled out a business card.
“A real estate agent? Are you finally willing to move out of the city?”
“I am. I don’t know where you wanna move to, but I am open to any place where we can put the kids in good actually progressive schools.”
“It’s going to be so much fun living in the suburbs.”
“Just remember, you deal with the banks so we don’t have to pay any racism tax.”
“I know.”
…
Brittany and Santana had finished cooking Christmas Dinner at the Pierce house. The table was set, every one was gathered in the living room playing with the kids.
“Should we tell the family about the pregnancy?” Brittany asked, all day she hadn’t been able to keep her hand away from the itty bitty fetus growing in her wife.
“No, you know the rule, we need to wait until we’re out of the danger zone.”
“Yeah, but your uterus is amazing. All three times you got knocked up on the first try.”
“I know but we still could-”
“Don’t say it. Don’t speak it out loud because it might happen then.”
“Do you still want to tell the family next Christmas is at our house?”
“The baby is going to make that an easier sell.”
Unsurprisingly none of the parents were thrilled with the idea of having to travel to New York for next Christmas.
But once Iggy came running in with the positive pregnancy test that he was using as a spaceship everyone seemed more focused on that.
After Ashley had to deny that no she was not pregnant and Pierce had to ask his wife if she was, Santana finally admitted that it was hers.
“We didn’t tell everyone that we were trying because well, we weren’t sure how long it would take. But it worked. I’m only a few weeks along.”
“This is part of why we want to have Christmas at our palace next year. Wherever we end up moving.” Brittany explained.
“Moving? You’re moving out of New York? This is great, you can move back here.” Whitney grinned.
“We’re not moving back here.” Brittany wanted to make that clear. “We still need to be a couple of hours by train near Columbia.”
“Are you sure? With the money from selling that townhouse, you’d be able to buy a couple of homes here.” Maribel pointed out.
“Nope, we’re still not moving back here.” Santana stressed. “But we are going for a very white suburb so the kids will have the best schools and it’ll be safe.”
“Any more complaints about us not moving back here and I am taking the job at Oxford and moving us to England.” Brittany threatened.