Chapter Text
One
Seven months.
Seven months have passed since Mount Weather was defeated. Seven months have passed since that “May we meet again”. Seven months have passed since she left.
Hell, seven months is a fucking long time.
The first ten days were the worst. Standing in front of that gate for hours, day and night, just waiting for her to come back. I gave her ten days. I said to myself: “if she’s not back by then, she’s really gone. If she’s not back on the tenth day, you’ll never look for her again”.
And so I did.
It took me a while to be able to leave Camp for small trips. I was afraid of the woods. Too many memories. Eventually, I learned how to deal with them.
The first time I had the courage to leave my tent was when Octavia and Lincoln started building their new house near the river. Helping them was a good distraction. I got to spend quite a lot of time alone with my sister, something that I hadn’t done in a very long time. It was pleasant. She was happy, Lincoln was happy, their new house radiated happiness. I was happy for them, which was already a lot considering what the past weeks had been like for me. But, of course, it didn’t last long.
When someone you care about leaves you, you wonder if the pain will ever go away, if the nightmares will ever stop. You think you’ve reached the real darkness, the one from which you can’t run away.
You don’t know that there’s something else, something way more cruel waiting for you.
Numbness. It deprives you of everything, it paralyzes you to the point where you can’t see colors anymore, only an infinite ocean of grey.
That, my friends, is the lowest point you could ever reach.
On the bright side, making decisions has become way more easier than it was before. My indifference helps me calculate every single move, every single step we take. So far, Camp Jaha has been stronger than ever. The Sky People are safe, healthy and free.
We’ve also reached an agreement with the Woods Clan. We live together, we cooperate, we help each other survive. They hunt for us and we provide them with weapons and medicine. Simple as that.
Everyone says it wouldn’t have been possible without me. Without their leader. It’s a good feeling, knowing that my people are happy.
If only I could actually feel it.
Winter is coming, everyone can sense it. It’s always the hardest season. It gets cold and dark outside and inside people’s minds. They start wondering if we’ll make it, if we’ll have enough supplies, enough energy to survive. But this time will be different. We have the Grounders on our side. Mount Weather has been defeated. The odds are in our favour.
“Bellamy, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you,” Echo’s voice distracts me from my thoughts. I see her shadow, she’s waiting outside my tent as she always does. Grounders from the Ice Nation care too much about discipline.
“Yeah, sure.”
She walks in with a smile on her face. I smile back.
“You don’t have to wait outside every time.”
“I don’t mind.”
“I know.”
I gesture towards one of the leather sofas Miller has built specifically for me. We sit in silence for a few minutes, but I don’t feel uncomfortable. That’s one of the many things I like about Echo. She can see through people and understand them without having to ask questions. I don’t like questions, especially the ones that start with “Bellamy” and end with “are you okay?”. Echo saw through me after what happened in Mount Weather, she saw how numb I was, she saw the void inside me and she discretely tried to fill it with her compassion. I would never be able to thank her enough.
“Bellamy?”
“Uh. Sorry. What did you say?”
“Indra sent me here to get you. She said it’s an emergency.”
“Get me? To go where?”
“To Polis. She’s already on her way.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. She just said that she needed you. Octavia and Lincoln are with her.”
It feels like my mind’s running, trying to figure out what might have happened, why Indra needs me so urgently. I’ve heard about Polis many times, I know it’s a sort of Grounder’s capital city. As Jasper once said, it’s “where all the magic happens”. Too bad I don’t believe in magic. Or in miracles.
“Okay, I just need to get my stuff. I’ll meet you at the gate,” I tell her as I start looking for my backpack.
“Of course. And…Bellamy?”
“Yeah?”
“Bring weapons.”
I freeze.
You want forgiveness? Fine, I’ll give it to you.
Fuck.
You’re forgiven.
Fuck.
You have to come back with me.
My hands start shaking slightly. It’s funny how two, simple words can bring back so many memories, so many forgotten words, details, moments. It’s funny how, after seven months, the desperate and hopeful Bellamy still hasn’t died. I’ve tried to hide him inside me, I’ve tried to forget about his existence, I’ve tried to suffocate his voice. I thought it had worked, I genuinely did, but apparently I’m weaker than I thought.
“Bellamy!” Once again, Echo’s voice brings me back to reality.
“Get Jasper and Miller, I have to go talk to Kane,” I say, rushing out the door. I don’t need to see the worry in Echo’s eyes right now. What I need is a rifle. And God knows how many bullets.