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A gathering of hooded figures lit only by candle light in a darkened room sequestered away from prying eyes. They’re encircling a table adorned with fetishes and maps; parchment pages with personal details meticulously gathered over months laid out before them. Five sit before one seated at the head of the table, the master of this cabal. She begins to speak,
“You are walking in a dark, humid cave. No sign of life is present anywhere, save for what seems like purposefully shaped rocks and gemstones. A sensation stirs about them that something has once called this place home.”
An individual wearing a hat and mask under their hood speaks up, “Uhhh, I cast Detect Magic .”
The leader rolls a singular die and looks to the individual,
“You see an aura of yellowish-green light around the gemstone and next to-” she’s cut off.
“Oh awesome! I take it!” the figure begins writing down on the paper in front of them.
“Wait wait! You don’t know what that does!” a second figure, taller and thinner, says to the first.
The leader rolls a handful of dice behind a propped-up board.
“You all take fifty-four points of necrotic damage as the gemstone explodes in a sickly green shockwave upon being touched.”
The five other members all groan.
A figure whose hoodie has cat ears sewed on shouts out, “Ninja! Do you ever think before you do something?!”
Ninja throws his hands up in defense, “I’m just doin’ what my character would do, Monk! He has an intelligence of eight, he’s rash!”
The smallest individual, wearing goggles on his hood, pipes up, “Wait, why do you have an intelligence of eight if you’re playing a Wizard? That is super not optimal. Didn’t I help you build your character?”
Monk looks over, “Caël even if you made his sheet for him, Ninja would still find a way to play in the worst way possible.” The taller, thin figure begins to gesticulate towards Ninja and speaks in a haughty and exaggerated voice,
“Fool! You must look before you leap, especially in this most perilous of places. Dungeon Master, may we roll back time a bit so as to allow the party to confer with one another before allowing this grievous wounding to occur?”
The leader looks over,” Sorry Philip, Ninja already took the gem. What happens, happens.”
The thin man responds in the same theatrical voice, “My apologies dear madam, for I knoweth not this ‘Philip’. I am the Prophet of the Woods: Porok!”
The largest figure interjects, “DM, can I buy some things real quick? I’ve got a bunch of gold to spend and I actually need some things for our adventure, haha.”
Shoppy, the DM of this little troupe, says, “What? No. John, why didn’t you do that when you guys were still in town? You spent like, an hour last session RP’ing with the traveling merchant.”
Ninja whines to the tall man, “Propheeet, can you heal me pleeease? I’m down to four hit points.”
Monk counters, “No. Prophet, don’t. He needs to learn from his mistakes. As impossible as that sounds.” Caël and John chuckle. Prophet responds resplendently,
“ * ahem* Fear not, young wizard! I have just the spell to aid us all! Let the woods’ magic flow through me as I cast Mass Cure Wounds ! My companions are now healed for…” Prophet rolls his dice, “... a score and one health points!”
“Prophet, just give the number,” Shoppy says.
Prophet sighs, “You guys heal for twenty-one.”
Shoppy continues her narration about the area.
Later on in the night, the group hears a knock on their room’s door. It opens and an older woman peeks her head through,
“ 龍之介！君たちのためにたこ焼きを作ったよ。食べたくなったらいつでもどうぞ。[Ryuunosuke! I made some takoyaki for you and your friends. It’ll be out here whenever you want some.]”
Ninja looks over, “ありがとう、ママ！ [Thanks, mama!]”
The door closes. The sounds of snickering amongst the group grows to raucous laughter before Ninja realizes, turning his face bright red.
“Still mommy’s little boy, eh Ninja?” Monk says with a wry smirk on her face.
He shoots her a look that could cut steel in a single stroke,
“Looks like somebody isn’t getting any takoyaki…” More laughter from the others. Ninja looks across the table and says, “Hey Shoppy, when did you say we could move to the back of the store for our games? Not that my mom minds or anything, she loves company, I just don’t want everyone to be going out of their way to come to my place.”
Shoppy looks up, “Stop calling me ‘Shoppy’. And I told you probably next week. I’ve gotta move some of my mom’s old stuff out, get a table and some shelves set up, buy a portable AC. Nothing crazy but y’know, just a little bit of time. Anyways, let’s get back into it.”
The others intently listen to Shoppy’s narration. She paints a vivid picture of the environment they find themselves in: a wide open cavern dimly lit by bioluminescent mushrooms and phosphorescent crystals.
“You see jagged fields of stalagmites and hear the echo of silence as you take in the breadth of this nigh infinitely spanning vista. You find yourselves in the infamous Underdark, a sprawling underground world where many brave adventurers have lost their lives in an effort to gain wealth, fame, or hidden treasures. It is here that you shall find the object of your quest: the legendary staff of Draik Asul, the Wicked Warlock of Wynngrad.”
Caël raises his hand, “I cast Locate Object and name ‘the legendary staff of Draik Asul’ as my target.”
Shoppy looks over to him, “Huh? You need to be familiar with the object for that spell to work.”
Caël responds, “Yeah and my character is a Rock Gnome so I’ve got Artificer’s Lore, it gives me double proficiency bonus to my already expertised history checks related to any magical, alchemical, or technological items. The Wicked Warlock’s staff is a very historically relevant magical item and my character’s background is-”
“Okay okay okay! You’ve made your case, jeez. Go ahead and cast the spell,” Shoppy says with a huff. Caël excitedly marks off one spell use on his paper and Shoppy continues,
“So, you don’t sense anything within the thousand foot range currently but I’ll let you know if you do. However, you do get a feeling that pulls you to your direct west. In that direction you all see an absolutely gigantic fortress built out of what looks like blackened stone. Surrounding it is a wide river that glows orange and yellow, a giant bridge lays over top of it. It’s about a kilometer away, give or take.”
Prophet sounds off, “Hark, friends! A landmark of awesome might and tenacity in this barren cavern of woes. Mayhaps our quarry presides in its interior, but I fear that we shall not be able to abscond without provocation. Allow me to scout ahead using the form of a great and powerful eagle! I shall use my Wild Shape to fly in and-”
“Wait, why not an owl? Don’t they have darkvision? And we are in the Under dark .” Monk chimes in.
Prophet looks at her and, dropping the performance voice, says, “Yeah but eagles are cooler, plus like, my character is associated with eagles not owls. I’ve even got an eagle design on my cape!”
Caël looks over, “You could do an eagle-owl. They’re technically an owl but they’re the largest species of owl, hence the association to eagles.”
“Huh, alright let’s do that then. *ahem* I use my Wild Shape to transmogrify my form into that of a great and powerful eagle-owl!”
Prophet acts out his character transforming and lets out a loud screech to imitate an eagle, despite the fact that he’s changed into an owl. He pantomimes flying by flapping his arms and looks to Shoppy, barely containing in an explosion of laughter, and asks,
“What do I see, Madam Dungeon Master?”
“pffff-Um, you uh-hahaha! *ahem* You see that the fortress is guarded by two very large and imposing figures clad in armor. One of them carries a greatsword and the other carries a greathammer. Go ahead and make a perception check with advantage,” Shoppy barely manages to eke out with small interrupting snickers. Prophet stops flapping his arms and rolls his 20-sided die, landing on a 7 the first time and a 20 on the second. The table erupts in cheers at the natural twenty and Shoppy continues to speak,
“Yeah you definitely see that these are Fire Giants guarding this place which means that this is a Blackstone Keep, something that your Dwarven friend, Kalan Runebore, told you was a quote ‘Absolutely impenetrable citadel of fire and brimstone.’ Also with a natural twenty, you see that hidden amongst the battlements of the castle walls are large ballistae, however they do not seem to be manned at the moment.”
Prophet, flapping away, responds, “Hmm, in that case I shall return to my compatriots and change back into my Elvish form!” He continues miming his eagle-owl form flying before “landing” back at his party’s location, “My friends, the fortress ahead is guarded well beyond our capabilities. I advise that we do not proceed without caution for it could very well spell the end of our band.”
Monk looks over to him and says, “Well Ninja can turn me invisible, and since I’m a Rogue my stealth is already really high so it’ll give me a big advantage in not being seen. I could just sneak in, find the staff, and sneak back out no problem.”
Ninja chips in, “I mean, I can make us all invisible. I’ve got a sixth-level spell slot left.”
Monk responds, “Yeah but your dexterity sucks, John is wearing chain mail, and Caël optimized for combat not sneaking.”
Caël interjects, “Actually since I’m an Armorer Artificer I can change the suit I’m wearing to Infiltrator mode meaning I had advantage on stealth checks, also my dexterity modifier is at a plus 3 and with my level three Bard feature ‘Expertise’ my proficiency bonus is doubled for any check I make that uses stealth. I’m pretty well-suited to anything.”
Ninja chuckles, “God you’re such a min-maxer. Well alright are there any objections? John you’ve been a little quiet, what are your thoughts?”
John smiles sheepishly, “Nothing much really. I just like hanging out with you guys, haha.”
Everyone at the table smiles and shares in some warm, friendly laughter.
Shoppy speaks up, “Ok, so you’ve all decided to head to the Blackstone Keep. We’ll pick up there next week, hopefully at my place. Thanks for coming everyone! I’m starving. Ninja, is there any more of that takoyaki?”
The candles are blown out, the papers are collected, and the lights are turned on. The six friends clad in blue, hooded sweaters make their way out of the room and back into the world. A world just as real and vibrant as any imagination could come up with.