Work Text:
Paulo inserted the key into the keyhole of his new apartment unit.
Today’s the day that he’s scheduled to move to his new place in Quezon City coming from his parents’ house in Bacolod leaving not only his family behind, but his memories his friends, and his whole past. Today, he is officially moving to a city near his workplace, alone, unfamiliar with his entire surroundings.
He knew this day would come. He searched about the things to prepare if you’re planning to move out of your parents’ house and he prepared for months before making his move. Now, a week before Christmas Eve, he made the toughest decision.
To move out of their house and finally live on his own.
The first thing his parents asked him was to stay over for Christmas, at least the last holiday they would have together as a complete family before he moved out, but he’s been holding it off forever. Before moving, he bought gifts for his parents and his siblings, something to make them remember that ever since he started working at the age of eighteen Paulo did nothing but give everything back to his family. From his first salary up to his last 13th month, he spent them on whatever they asked of him leaving little to none for himself.
After all, it’s the only thing he’s ever known.
To always give.
“Anak, can’t you hold off moving out after the holiday season? We can celebrate the holiday together. As a family.”
But he declined. For the first time in Paulo’s life ever since he started working, he said the word no and set the boundaries between his own life and the relationship he will allow between himself and his family.
Finally, after months of pushing it back, Paulo decided to move out of his parents’ house on the 15th of December, exactly half into December giving him a few more days before Christmas Eve arrived as well as New Year’s Eve. It was the hardest decision he ever made that year but he needed to breathe.
“Are you the new tenant?” A black-haired guy walked towards Paulo and reached for his bags. He didn’t utter any reply, so the guy continued to get them before walking past him inside the apartment unit.
“You can check with the truck and let them know how we can place your furniture inside.” He added.
It took a while for Paulo to answer, and to realize that the black-haired guy was referring to him.
“I’m sorry. I can take care of my bags.” Paulo answered and tried to take the bags from the guy.
“It’s fine! Sorry for barging in like this. I’m Ken, I’m Mrs. Del Valle’s son. The one you talked to regarding your rent?” Ken said and grinned at Paulo before easily moving all of Paulo’s bag inside the apartment unit.
Son? Ms. Camille is married? Not that he even bothered to ask her through Messenger. That’s weird to ask, he thought.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Hi! Nice to meet you. I’m Paulo, I’m going to be your new tenant. Thanks for helping me out, though, you didn’t have to.” Paulo smiled back, tucking a piece of his hair behind his ear. A habit he does unconsciously whenever he’s embarrassed.
Walking towards the truck, Ken joined him and asked if there was anything else that he could help the new tenant with. Was his name Paulo? He wasn’t sure. He saw his name on his mom’s phone one time while she was using her Messenger.
“Nah, I have nothing else to do anyway. We usually greet our tenants to see if there’s anything we can help them with moving in.” Ken mentioned as he and Paulo sat outside as the truck helper and driver brought in his bed foam, refrigerator, washing machine, an old Sony TV, and the mini sofa that he bought in IKEA.
There’s not much with Paulo. He decided he wanted the move to be quick and easy so he only bought things he would be immediately needing.
Ken continued speaking to him, and Paulo appreciated the conversation because he could not think of anything to ask Ken. He enjoyed hearing him talk about stories of their rental business and his family.
“Usually, it’s Mama though. She loves to cook something for the tenants. Like a comfort food.” Ken mentioned, glancing at the new tenant named Paulo, who was sporting an attractive long man-bun.
“Do you usually do this to your tenants, Ken?”
“Do what?”
“You know, get to know them and serve them food.” Paulo smiled at Ken and stared back into his eyes realizing they were a beautiful shade of brown.
Ken laughed and ran his fingers through his hair before answering Paulo, “Only to you.” He uttered.
“Huh?” Paulo answered, dumbfounded.
Ken grinned as they walked back inside the apartment unit but did not answer the other's confusion. Paulo’s bags, furniture, and boxes were all over the floor. He might need to ask for Ken’s help to move things around.
He kind of liked his presence around if he would be honest with himself. Ken always offered to help him, something that he wasn’t used to receiving. If anything, Paulo was so used to doing all kinds of things for other people that he felt awkward and unsure about how he should be responding to Ken’s offer of service.
“I’m sorry if it’s awkward that I keep on insisting to help. I could leave now if you can do things around here by yourself-” But Paulo was quick to cut him off.
“No!”
“No?”
“You don’t have it. I think I can use a helping hand.”
-
“I don’t think I’m ready for anything long-term, Ken.” Vince, Ken’s long-time boyfriend said over their 5th-anniversary date, which Ken prepared ahead of time, making a reservation at Wolfgang Steakhouse – a restaurant known to offer one, if not the best, steak in the metro.
Ken paused as he cut through the well-done meat, looking up at Vince as if he grew two heads above his head.
“What?”
He knew it was coming. He felt it all along.
From how his lover pulled away whenever he asked for a warm hug after a long time at work, and how he avoided the question of why he was late for three consecutive nights. Still, Ken tried his best to act as if he wasn’t noticing anything. It was usual for his boyfriend to be aloof just as he always had been for the past year.
“I don’t want to be with you anymore, Ken.” Vince finally said the words he had been dying to hear.
“Finally,”
“What?”
“Finally, you had the guts and the balls to say you wanted to leave this relationship. I’ve been waiting for you to say it yourself.” Ken scoffed, as he cut more pieces of his steak, shoving some of them inside his mouth, biting his trembling lower lip.
No, his tears won’t betray him like this.
This dinner alone cost him a month of overtime, just so their celebration would be special.
“Why didn’t you say anything if you know I’ve been wanting to break up with you?” Vince asked as if it was easy to let go of a relationship that long.
“We were together for 5 years, Vince. Half a decade of my life I’ve given you. Faithfully, wholeheartedly, and genuinely. If you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with me, you could have told me. I’ve sacrificed my time for you, I have given you everything.” His tears were already rolling down his cheeks. There’s no point in hiding them.
“Nobody asked for you to sacrifice for me, Ken. You can’t blame me for doing something you wanted to do for me.” Vince exclaimed.
-
“That’s it?” Paulo asked as they munched on a bag of Pic-A chips and drink regular Coke, talking about each other’s lives and getting to know each other a little bit more over Paulo’s dining table.
“Yep. The asshole left me in the resto. Good thing he paid for the food.” Ken laughed but toyed with his fingers as he spoke.
“What a jerk. I bet he had someone else.”
“He did. Went back for a woman his mother wanted for him. She said no matter how long we spend time I wouldn’t be able to give him a child.” Ken finished his drink and sucked on his fingers for the crumbs of chips, something that Paulo found to be cute.
They were able to move most of the furniture. All that was left for Paulo to do was to open the boxes and organize them properly inside the apartment, but he decided to do it some other time. Ken wanted to stay in the apartment and said he wanted to talk about life.
It was already getting dark outside, and Ken’s mom called his phone asking him where he was. All he mentioned was he was helping out their new tenant and they would come over for Paulo’s welcome dinner. He didn’t want to go at first, but he wanted to hear more from Ken’s stories. It’s nice to have someone initiating conversations instead of him.
“You don’t always have to give it your all in a relationship Ken.” Paulo reminded him, as he washed the dishes, and Ken with his head down his arms on the table, as he looked at the busy Paulo.
“Says the breadwinner who gives everything to his family. You should apply the same thing in your life, Paulo.” He didn’t answer him, but he glared as he finished and plopped down on his sofa, with Ken tailing after him.
“Tell you what, you need to find someone to spoil you, Pau. Someone to remind you that you don’t have to burn yourself to warm other people. A person that would put you first”
For once, someone told him that he could choose himself, that it’s okay not to give everything you have to people that you love. He often wonders how it is to be someone else’s first choice, a person who wouldn’t see him as just the giving-type but reminded him that there’s beauty in keeping some love for yourself.
-
Paulo kept Ken on his contact and usually asked him out whenever he had free time at work as a Data Analyst. Ken always confirmed when it came to Paulo. Despite his busy schedule as a field Architect, he made time. It took him a while to realize that he loved spending time with Paulo.
Paulo kept the conversation going and didn’t wait for Ken to make all the decisions. He suggested venues and activities for their little after-work “dates” and made sure that he arrived on time. It was all new to Ken, to have a person as organized as he was, someone who knew what he wanted, and someone who never forgot to remind Ken if he was spending way too much time putting Paulo’s needs first.
“Ken, you’re always checking on me, but you’re not looking after yourself.” Paulo once said when he found a feverish Ken, waiting for him on his couch. He pressed his hand over his burning forehead.
Ken pouted and held Paulo by his wrist. “But I was waiting for you. I cooked dinner, Pau.”
Paulo smiled and nodded, “I know you were waiting, but I hate seeing you sick. Let’s get you dinner?”
They finished the Sinigang Ken cooked that afternoon. After months of visiting Paulo in his apartment unit, Ken knew where his things were mostly placed. On the days that they didn’t have much time to have dates outside, he opted to prepare dinner for Paulo and waited for him to get home.
“Ken?” Pau asked as they sat down on the sofa. He placed a damp towel over Ken’s forehead who had his eyes closed.
“Hmm?”
“Do you like spending time with me?” Paulo hopefully asked.
Ken opened his eyes and held Paulo’s hands between his, scared that he might lose him if he didn’t let him know how felt like.
“When I’m with you, it makes me feel like I’m not so hard to love. You make me feel that love is compromise and commitment between two people. I never felt like I had to give up a part of me to make you stay. I’ve always felt seen by you, Ga. That we’re each other’s half.” Ken said, now sat on the sofa, with his eyes capturing Paulo’s.
Paulo’s stomach churned at the mention of the word ‘Langga’. It felt like music in his ears whenever Ken used words in Bisaya. He doesn’t know the Bisaya language that much, but he knows what the word means. And for months of spending time with his landlord’s son, he always felt cherished. It made sense that falling for Ken and loving him came to him so easily. It was so natural; the love that goes back and forth between the two of them, like a dance of music.
“You make it so easy, Ken. I’m like the bread and you’re the butter. We just go together so well.” Paulo smiled and gripped Ken’s hands, bringing them close to his lips for a kiss.
“It’s like breathing too, you see. We inhale, and we exhale. It’s a flow that I found myself accustomed to. From the moment you offered help when I moved in and insisted on helping me, to the dates we do despite our busy schedule.” Paulo added, and Ken didn’t reply but he was listening intently.
“I know how hard it is to love someone like me. A breadwinner who’s used to giving everything to his family. The only time that I chose myself was when I decided to move out and experience the world as an adult. I’m used to doing things alone, but you never hesitated to do things with me.”
After months of being out of a relationship, it’s been months since Ken had someone affirm him of their love for him. Actions may speak louder than words, but it is one thing to have a person assure you that you actually matter to them.
“You’ve always reminded me that slowing down isn’t a crime and that taking care of myself should come first. And whatever that I planted in my heart, will bloom eventually. Now, loving someone like you feels like an extension of my life. It’s not that I have to love you and choose you, but because I want to be with you to love you. It’s a different thing to choose something because you finally want it in your life.”
Ken wasn’t crying, but his eyes were wet. It was like a lump formed in his throat, and his heart was about to explode from swelling. Paulo’s words make him feel things easily. He knew that he meant to say them, not just because he had to.
Paulo didn’t wait for any response, placing his hands on each side of Ken’s face and kissing him on the lips. There are just some emotions that cannot be said through words. Ken answered with so much passion like he had been waiting for the kiss to happen for so long. Both of them forgot about Ken’s fever, and what was left inside their hearts were their unspoken feelings communicated through their kisses.
They stopped after a while just holding each other close. Only the four walls of the apartment unit have witnessed the exchange of confessions between Ken and Paulo. It was silent in the apartment as they both calmed themselves down after such a rush of emotions.
“I want to properly introduce you to my mom tomorrow.” Ken grinned.
“As your favorite tenant?” Paulo teased him.
“And my partner, lover or boyfriend. Whatever you want to call me.”