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Toni slouches against the chair in the guidance counselor's office, it seems like it was designed with intention to be as uncomfortable as possible. The armrests sit too low, the fabric is staticy and itchy, it seemingly can’t find a spot of solid ground. It certainly doesn’t help the anxiety stirred up by being called here by a grimacing counselor in the first place. Toni’s been here more times than she can count but she never bothered to learn the counselor's name, she thinks to look over at the nameplate on desk but decides against it, she will be out of here soon, there’s no need. “seventy three days, seventy three days left”, she repeats under her breath. In seventy three days, she’ll get away from the trailer park and the memories of Regan, in seventy three days she’ll be at MNSU, playing D3 basketball.
“Toni…Toni, look up ” , the counselor pleads to an entranced Toni, who picks her head up for a second, yet her attention doesn’t shift up from the floor for long.
“Thanks for coming in to talk today, this is not something either of us want to be doing today. So I know we have already had a conversation about the incident that got you kicked from the high school league” Toni groans. Ah yes, the infamous pee throwing incident, she felt like the league was way too harsh on her. Number six from the opposing team got her comeuppance. She was shoving and fouling Toni’s teammates up and down the court. What goes around comes around.
“”Unfortunately, the college scouts at MNSU have caught wind of the incident and have decided to withdraw their scholarship offer.” A once slouched Toni is now pulled upright by an invisible string, alert and gripping the desk in front of her. “No, no, no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening.” she thinks to herself, now pacing back and forth in the small office, trying to calm the anger bubbling under her skin.
“Toni, I know this news is upsetting, but there are still ways you can attend MNSU next year if that’s still your plan. Your grades still meet the minimum threshold required for getting in, it’s just that you will have to find a solution to the monetary issue.”
The counselor runs her manicured fingers over a sea of folders until she selects a single sheet of light pink paper and carefully slides it over the desk to Toni.
“Most scholarships have had their applications closed already, but you just got lucky as the last day to apply for Miss Hopewell Harmony pageant is today. I think you should consider applying for it, it would cover full tuition at MNSU for you.”
Toni stares at the application, jaw agape. It takes all the willpower in her body and then some to not snatch the paper, crumple it up and throw it right back in the counselor's face. Instead this churning agitation translates into a roaring laugh. Toni grabs the application, stashes it far into her bag and peels out of that room so fast.
“Fucking Hell” Toni mutters to herself, slamming the door behind her.
“Fucking Hell” shouts Toni, across the gym. Martha places her hand on Toni’s shoulder, pulling her back down to the bleachers. Toni rips open a bag of Takis and lays down.
“What the hell did I do to deserve this, my whole plan is ruined now”
“You haven’t thought about doing the pageant at all, I know it sucks but that prize money could really help.”
At that instance, a sickly sweet southern drawl crackles through the loud speaker above. Toni turns up “Juicy” by Biggie on her phone to drown out the sound.
“I don't think I would last a second in those rehearsal rooms before being ejected, I’m never going to win anyways.” Toni points up towards the loud speaker “Shelby wins every year.” Shelby Goodkind had moved to Hopewell High School three years ago from Texas, with her dyed blonde waves and Bible in tow and she had not fallen short of a crown and sash since. She would actually find the goody-two shoes quite pretty if she wasn’t so insufferable. Shelby and the rest of the pageant girls were certainly not Toni’s first pick for company. It would drive her insane to be in the same room as them, it would be another “incident” waiting to happen.
“So what, you could beat her”” tauts Martha.“Actually, you have to beat her, I don't think I can stand being without you at college next year. Do it for me please, please” Martha begs, drawing out the last “e” in please. Toni looks into Martha’s brown puppy dog eyes for 5 seconds until she can’t take it anymore.
“You know what fuck it, I’ll do the competition.” Toni concedes.
She furiously scratches her information on to the application. She’ll will, she has too, for Martha and for her. But, if there is anything Toni is, it's competitive. What difference does a basketball court have with a pageant stage? She’ll come out on top either way.
At the rehearsal, Toni’s mirror station stands in stark contrast to the girls around her. They have glittery dresses thrown over chairs, racks of makeup and a shitload of hair products. Toni’s is devoid of anything but a stack of papers: a 20 page list of possible questions that the judges may ask with her responses, a workout routine, a list of hair salons, and a script of her talent show performance. Stuck on top was a single neon orange sticky note with the words “GAME PLAN” written on it in Sharpie. And that’s exactly what it was. She had spent the night meticulously scouring websites, forums, and videos of past winners' speeches. She came to win.
Toni’s scoured the room, surveying her competition. The pageant girls stood around the room, gossiping and exchanging pearly white smiles, all except for Shelby who stood by her mirror fiddling with her gold cross necklace. Her eyes were transfixed on a shelf that held last year’s pink Miss Hopewell sash. Her stare was blank, almost uninterested. Shelby seemingly felt the presence of Toni's stare as she swung her head in her direction. Shelby’s blank stare shifted to one of confusion and, Toni wanted to say, disgust. It was the same stare the other girls had given her just moments before. She doesn’t entirely blame them, she knows that she looks out of place in her basketball shorts and unbrushed hair. But she also knows what they all say behind closed doors in their Bible groups. The gossip about her “lifestyle choices” and how she lives in sin. Shelby especially, being the pastor’s daughter.
Toni and Shelby’s stare war is broken by a call from the pageant organizer. “Toni Shalifoe next to the stage for talent show practice.”
Toni takes a sigh of relief, grabs the bright pink basketball that she bought just for this number, and rushes off to the stage.
Toni comes back to an empty dressing room except for the presence of Shelby standing over the stack of papers at her desk. Toni hurriedly runs over and snatches the papers from the desk.
“I was watching your show, that was really cool” Shelby drawls, “and this packet, you are so committed.” Shelby tilts her head. “But, why join the pageant circle now? I didn't ever expect you to be here.”
Toni bites down on the inside of her mouth, drawing some blood. Great. Just the question she was trying to avoid. She debates just ignoring Shelby and just walking out the room, but who knows maybe if she tells the truth the girls will pity her and she can use that to her advantage.
“I lost my scholarship to MNSU,” Toni purposefully omits the reason why, “so this is my last chance so I'm going to give it everything I’ve got.” she explains. She looks up and is surprised to see a somewhat sincere smile with a dimple on Shelby’s face.
“Aw, I’m so sorry, but it's sweet that you care so much, feel free to let me know if you have any questions about anything pageant related.”
Over the course of the rehearsal week, Shelby gives makeup and clothing advice to Toni and they exchange some small talk. They bicker as well, of course. Toni feels herself becoming closer to Shelby but has to constantly remind herself that Shelby’s probably all doing this for show and to keep up her reputation as the sweet and perfect Miss Hopewell. But she still can’t stop herself from laughing at her stories or admiring the way her golden hair moves.
On the first day of the pageant, Toni runs backstage awkwardly in her satin navy dress that hugs her body in all the ways she dislikes. In her hands are the four inch heels Martha gave her to wear. She rushes to her mirror and rummages around the pile of clothes on her seat for the backup wedges she brought just in case her feet hurt. Toni grabs the wedges just as she hears a subtle whimpering sound come from the corner of the room. Shelby is slumped over the desk with her head down sobbing into her arms. A framed photo sits at her side.
“Hey, Shelby, are you okay?” Toni says while walking over to her side. Shelby picks her head up from the desk and her smudged mascara framed eyes look up at Toni as they fill with tears again.
Much to Toni’s surprise, Shelby says “No, it’s the anniversary of my friend Becca’s death today and it was all my fault” she sobs into Toni’s dress while pointing at the photo.
“She had to go and take all the blame, all because I needed to be the perfect straight Christian daughter and all I did on that stage was pretend to be that person still.” Shelby’s brow furrows and she grabs a tiara from her shelf, “when it's all a lie and it's a lie that killed her.”
Shelby throws the tiara full speed at the ground where it shatters and glittery shards fly across the room. She continues on with her story as she grabs a sash and tears it apart. Silently, Toni grabs a trophy from the shelf and looks at Shelby for approval. With a tear filled nod, Toni chucks the trophy into the ground in solidarity. The pair demolish every last item on the shelf, each sash, trophy, tiara, plaque, and award until Shelby falls into Toni's arms as she embraces her. The pair sit there for a good five minutes in silence.
“I guess it should probably clean myself up” Shelby whispers “I go on in ten.”
The announcer stands at the front of the stage with a shiny pink envelope. He taps the microphone in his hands and the resulting vibration sends a quiver down Toni’s spine. She had made it to the top ten but the announcer was about to announce the top 2.
“And our top two of the 2023 Miss Hopewell Harmony pageant are……..” Toni’s gut does a flip and she looks over at Shelby in her sunflower yellow dress.
“Shelby Goodkind and Toni Shalifoe.” The announcer roars as Toni grins from ear to ear. “Our final two will have 10 minutes to prepare a final speech to the judges on why they deserve to be crowned. Best of luck to them both!”
Toni sits herself down at her station and starts to read over the script that she prepared when she feels a tap on her shoulder.
“I’m dropping out of the running”
Toni looks up confused at Shelby. “Huh, why?”
“I can’t do this anymore, I’m done with pageants, and you need this money more than I do.” Shelby explains.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive, I already let the judges know.”
“Thank you so much, I literally don’t know what to say.” Toni says, her face scrunched up in a look of bewilderment.
“Stop thanking me and get ready to receive your crown, your highlighters faded and so has your lipstick, let me help you.” Shelby replies as she reaches toward her makeup bag and grabs some brushes. She leans over Toni’s face an intimate distance away and drags the lipstick across her lips. She tucks Toni’s blow dried brown curls behind her ear and whispers.
“You’re so pretty.” Her lips then meet Toni’s in a kiss. She pulls away.
“I’m sorry,” Shelby says, her face flushing red.
“Don’t be.” replies Toni as she kisses her again.