Work Text:
Spencer was no stranger to migraines. As far as he could remember, which was back to the day was born, he was the subject of frequent headaches which more often than not turned into him camping out in the bathroom so he could throw up.
They weren't always bad. Some days all he needed was an aspirin and a large cup of water and he would be able to continue with his day.
Lately, they've been unbearable. Spencer would wake up with a headache so violent it blurred his vision every time he moved. He tried to just take an aspirin and dose himself up with caffeine hoping the headache was just because he needed a caffeine hit, but his head continued to pound until the moment he fell asleep again.
Derek was ever so helpful, reminding him every few hours to take more painkillers and shoving water down his throat, which he was ever so grateful for. He liked having someone take care of him.
The problem was that no matter how tired he was, no matter how he was feeling, Spencer refused to leave work unless the team didn't need him or until all of his paperwork is finished.
Derek had tried to coax him to take a half day when it was clear his boyfriend was having trouble focusing but Spencer never agreed.
He understood. Spencer was one of those people who only felt valuable when they were contributing, and to him going home early felt like he was letting his team down.
That was exactly how he felt as he sat at his desk, a persistent throbbing in his head which had been there the minute he woke up that morning. He had tried to drink plenty of water but it was hard when there was just so much to do and seemingly so little time to do it.
He kept telling himself he would get up and take more painkillers after he finished the file. But then file turned into file and he found himself delving even deeper into his work, despite the fact his vision was blurry and the words were slowly morphing into one.
The team of course started to notice when it took Spencer longer to finish a file than he normally would, but they all knew better than to say something. Each and everyone one of them knew if they asked the younger agent if he was okay, they'd be met with a distant 'i'm fine'.
Derek of course knew better, as the minute he notified his boyfriend suffering from another headache he headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water and grabbed a few painkillers from his go bag.
"Here. Drink this and take these" Derek said as he approached the younger man's desk, putting the glass of water just front of him and holding out his hand with the pills.
"I'm fine, really" Spencer tried to smile at him and assure everything was okay, but Derek saw straight through that facade. "I just need to finish a few more files"
Derek sighed and sat the pills next to the glass. He put his hands on either side of Spencer's desk chair and turned him so they were facing each other, noticing the way Spencer's brows furrowed at the sudden movement before it was quickly masked, yet again.
"Baby. You can't just keep pushing yourself to get things done when you're obviously not well" His brown eyes were filled with worry, taking Spencer's hand in his and gently rubbing the back with his thumb.
"I'm okay" Spencer smiled at him, leaning into press a chaste kiss to his lips. "Promise"
He was moving out of Derek's grasp and back to his files before the older man could blink. Derek just sighed and headed back to his desk, making a mental note to keep an eye on his boyfriend
Derek knew it could simply be a small headache that could be remedied with aspirin, but he also knew it could also be the making of a migraine that will have him bed ridden for the next day or two.
Thankfully, Spencer had only had a handful of those since they got together. It was always extremely hard for Derek to sit and watch his boyfriend lie in pain, unable to do anything but get him water and gently massage his head.
Thats why Derek was so adamant on getting the younger man home every time he saw the signs of a headache, so they could get onto of it before it turned into something more sinister.
***
Derek watched Spencer for the rest of the afternoon.
At first he looked fine. Flying through his paperwork like usual, engaging in conversation with Garcia and JJ every time they passed his desk. It seemed like the painkillers actually helped his headache, which made Derek feel much more at ease.
Then, as the afternoon went on, Derek started to notice the signs of an oncoming migraine.
He noticed that it took Spencer a lot longer than normal to finish a file, and he saw that the younger man seemed to be reading the same page over and over again
Spencer often spaced out when he was having one of his more intense migraines and that was exactly what he was doing, rubbing his eyes every once in a while, massaging the side of his head. Derek could see him struggling to get through his paperwork and he cursed knowing that it wasn't socially acceptable to pick his boyfriend up and carry him home.
As much as he wanted to keep a close eye on his boyfriend, he had his own paperwork to do. Usually he would just pick a few out and slip it into said boyfriend's pile, but he knew that Spencer probably wouldn't laugh at him much as he usually would.
So he put his headphones on and buckled down, managing to smash out a pile in just under an hour. Every now and again he'd spare a glance over to Spencer's desk, and each time it looked like the younger man was getting closer and closer to falling asleep.
By the time he finished the second pile he told himself enough was enough and they were going home, whether Spencer liked it or not.
He stood up and walked over to Spencer's desk where the younger man was sat, head resting in his hand, eyes staring at the file but never wavering.
"Pretty boy" Derek tried his best to keep his voice soft, knowing how painful loud noises must be for him. "Come on, let's go"
It took a few moments for Spencer to pull himself out of whatever trance he was in but he looked up, brows furrowing in confusion.
"What? Why"
If he was honest, Spencer had been so distracted with trying to push himself to get the files done he hadn't noticed more than one pair of eyes on him, observing him like they always did when they could tell something was off.
"Baby. I know you've got a migraine. It's no use pushing yourself to get through work and making your head hurt even more. The files can wait"
Spencer opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Hotch walking out of his office into the bullpen.
"Got a case" Hotch called out. "Local leo's apprehended a suspect attempting to rob a jewellery store downtown and they need a team to process the scene"
Derek sighed, turning to face his boss. "Why can't they do it?"
"They're stretched so thin they don't have the resources" Hotch told him as he walked past, shrugging his jacket on. "Itl be an hour, two tops"
Derek turned to face his boyfriend to see him already standing up, grabbing his gun and credentials. The older man shook his head and placed his hand over Spencer's.
"No, baby. You're staying here"
"Derek. I'm fine" Spencer tried to argue but one look at the stern look on Derek's face and he sat down with a pout the older agent found absolutely adorable.
"We'll be back soon" He pressed a quick kiss to Spencer's forehead before he jogged to his desk and grabbed his go bag, joining the rest of the team.
"Reid not coming?" Hotch eyed the older agent as they grouped in the elevator.
Derek shook his head. "Migraine"
Hotch nodded in understanding and pressed the button for the elevator to go down to the carpark, promising Derek if the case took longer than expected he could leave earlier to take care of his partner.
***
Hotch must have known something, because what started out as them processing a simple crime scene turned into them having to go back to the police station to then process the suspects and interview the witnesses.
The crime scene itself was simple. A jewellery store robbery gone bad when one of the workers pressed the silent alarm and police were alerted before any harm was done.
Most of the witnesses however were so shaken up by the ordeal they were unable to recall any important details, so they weren't able to fully process the scene.
The suspects were two teenagers in way over their heads who caved pretty quickly, telling the team their plans and confessing.
"Derek" Hotch pulled the older agent aside as they finished interviewing the witness. "This is going to take longer than we expected. Why don't you go back and see how Reid's doing? Make sure he gets some rest"
Derek was all too eager to agree. His concern for his boyfriend was beginning to interfere with the case, and all he wanted to do was take Spencer home and look after him.
He took the keys to one of their cars off Hotch and headed outside, starting the car and driving back to the BAU.
The elevator dinged, signalling it had reached the desired floor. He stepped out of the elevator onto the bullpen, eyes instantly drifting over to Reid's desk fully expecting to find the agent asleep.
Only to find his desk completely empty.
Usually he wouldn't bat an eye, knowing the younger man probably just needed a bathroom break or he was off making his fifth coffee of the day, but the migraines had been getting more and more frequent lately and truth be told, Derek was starting to worry.
He headed straight to Garcia's office, hoping the genius was with her.
"Hey baby girl, you seen Spencer?" Derek asked as he entered her office.
She shook her head, eyes glistening with a hint of worry. "No, not for a while. He did look a bit off when you guys left, maybe he's not feeling well"
"Thanks doll" He left her with a kiss on the cheek and headed back into the bullpen, knowing if Spencer wasn't feeling well and needed to rest he'd choose somewhere isolated and quiet.
Derek headed to the men's bathroom, knowing that was where Spencer often went when the noise of the bullpen was too much. The younger man wasn't fond of the smell or the amount of germs on each surface, but it was the quietest place in the entire building.
Just as he suspected, when he opened the door he was met with Spencer sitting on the bathroom floor, head resting against the cool tile. He looked worryingly pale, cheeks flushed bright red.
"Baby" Derek knelt down infront of his boyfriend, gently pressing the back of his hand to the younger man's forehead, which unsurprisingly, felt warm and clammy.
Spencer lifted his head up and met Derek's. "You're back"
"Yeah pretty boy, case is over" Derek knew that if he mentioned the others were still there Spencer would feel guilty that Derek had to leave early to take care of him, so he decided a little white lie couldn't hurt.
"You feel okay? You're burning up"
Spencer closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Just felt a little sick, but i'm okay. A little dizzy"
"Come on, let's get you home" The older agent stood up and carefully pulled Spencer with him, steadying the man when he started to sway.
Spencer winced as the movement jostled his head, hand instinctively going to rest against his head. Derek carefully put his arm around his boyfriend waist and guided him back out to the bullpen.
"My stuff" Spencer looked over to his desk where the files were still messily strewn about, his go bag on the floor.
"I'll get it" Derek sat Spencer down on the nearest chair and made quick work of grabbing his go bag, gun and credentials, quickly tidying up his desk knowing it would be killing Spencer to leave it messy.
Derek tried to help Spencer back to his feet again but the younger agent batted his hand away, standing up himself. The older agent gave him a curious look but didn't ask any questions, walking with the man to the elevator.
"How bad does it hurt today, baby" Derek asked as the elevator doors closed. He turned to face his boyfriend who was beginning to look sicker every minute.
"Like a 6" Spencer replied, moving to lean against the wall. Derek just gave him a look. knowing that if the younger agent didn't put up a fight when he was being dragged home, the pain was worse.
Spencer sighed. "An 8"
"Baby. You know I can tell when you're in more pain than you say" Derek smiled fondly at the man, knowing he could never lie. His tells were way too obvious be able to successfully lie.
"I know" Spencer said, lips twitching into a small smile when Derek pulled him in for a hug.
Being pressed against his boyfriend warm chest was enough for him to forget about his headache for just a moment, closing his eyes and allowing himself to get lost in the comfort.
Of course, it only lasted a few seconds as the loud 'ding' of the elevator pierced through his brain. He allowed himself to be led to the car, though part of his brain was screaming at him to stop letting Derek coddle him and deal with the headache on his own like any normal person would.
The thing is that it's not just a headache. It's a loud and constant thud in his brain, a sharp jab every time he moves his head, piercing pain behind his eyes when the word around him is too bright. It's the nausea that swirls in his stomach, the exhaustion in his bones that makes him feel like he's one wrong move away from collapsing.
In the back of his mind he knows that headaches like these are not normal and there could be something more sinister going on, but the thought of there being something wrong absolutely terrifies him.
Though his headaches are sometimes so bad he can't move, can't walk, can't look after himself, he feels a sense of shame and embarrassment that his boyfriend has to look after him. Even though Derek would argue and say that looking after him comes with being his boyfriend, doesn't make him feel any less guilty, especially when the older takes time off work to look after him.
Despite these thoughts, Derek never showed any sign that he was being inconvenienced of any sort, or that there was anywhere he'd rather be. He always looks after him, tends to his every need with absolutely no complaint. As much as Spencer appreciates it, he can't help but feel like a burden.
"Baby" Derek snapped him out of his thoughts, and Spencer blinked, realising they were standing at the car. "Lost in your head there, you okay?"
Spencer nodded, because he didn't want Derek to know about the looming insecurities blooming in his chest, making his heart heavy.
"Just tired"
Derek opened the door for his boyfriend and waited until he was comfortably sat before he headed to the drivers side, instantly turning down the radio so Spencer could sit in silence.
The younger man was grateful, putting his head against the window with a sigh, wondering whether it would be worth it to close his eyes and attempt to get a wink of sleep. He soon opted to just curl up in the front seat and watch the tops of the trees as they drove.
He could feel Derek's eyes on him and the younger man wondered whether his inner turmoil was obvious, or if his partner was just concerned about his health. He knew it was probably both, but he didn't have the energy to think about that right now.
Spencer's head throbbed as they drove, each bump in the road making his head hit the window. The unsteady gravel beneath them along with the tree tops going past a seemingly lighting speed make his stomach churn.
Thankfully, he managed to get home without needing to pull over, and as soon as the fresh air hit his face he started to feel less sick.
Derek was at his side at an instant, opening the door and offering a hand to help the younger man out of his seat. Spencer tried not to notice the faltering smile and confused look he got when he ignored the hand and stood up, walking to the front of the house before Derek could shut the door.
"You need anything, baby?" Derek asked as they stepped inside, taking off his shoes and setting them beside the front door.
"I want to shower but I don't think I can stand right now"
"I'll run you a bath" Derek made sure the younger man was sat comfortably on the couch, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead before he headed to the bathroom.
He turned on the tap and put the non-smelling bubbles they used when Spencer wasn't feeling well in the water. While he was waiting he headed to the bedroom and grabbed some pyjamas for the both of them, putting a bottle of aspirin from the bathroom on the bedside table.
Derek put their clothes at the end of the bed and grabbed them both a towel, draping them over the bathroom door. He knew the overhead light would be too overstimulating for the man so he lit some candles and sat them around the bath, turning the light off so the bathroom was only lit in a warm glow.
Once the bath was filled he turned the tap off and headed back to his boyfriend who was still sitting in the same spot he left him, arms draped over his eyes in an attempt to stop the lights from
hurting his eyes.
"Come on, sweetheart" Derek gently coaxed the man to stand up, taking his hand and leading him to the bathroom.
Spencer shrugged off his jacket and shirt, doing his best to take his pants and boxer's off though his legs felt like they were going to give out from underneath him.
He was grateful Derek knelt down and took his shoes and socks off, knowing if he tried to bend down to do it he'd probably end up on the ground.
He sat in the bath with a sigh, waiting for his boyfriend to get in the bath before he collapsed against his chest. Derek pressed soothing kisses to his neck, running his hands up and down Spencer's arms.
Spencer found himself relaxing into the touch like he always did, closing his eyes. His head still throbbed wildly, neck stiff with tension and he knew that he would most likely feel like this for the next couple of days.
Derek continued to kiss his neck as he blindly reached for the body wash bottle that sat on the edge of the bath, rubbing some in his hands. He started to massage Spencer's shoulders and neck, relishing in the moans and sighs of content he got in response.
"Feel good, baby?" Derek murmured against his skin.
"Feels good" Spencer replied, allowing himself to get lost in the feeling of his boyfriend's warm chest pressed against his back, strong hands being ever so gentle as they rubbed his shoulders.
It warmed his heart when Derek took care of him like this, made Spencer feel like there was nothing more important to Derek than taking care of the love of his life.
He would be lying if he didn't say he liked being taken care of, liked being doted on, liked having someone to rely on. Still, that didn't diminish the thoughts that he was relying on Derek a little too much, that the older man was sacrificing so much by looking after him.
Like right now, for instance, Derek should be at work helping close the case, but instead he's here, looking after his boyfriend who has a headache. Even though he knows that it's much more than a headache, it doesn't make him feel any less guilty, or any less shameful.
So many times Derek has sacrificed his own life, missed hanging out with his friends or hanging out with the team because Spencer was unwell, and it made the younger man want to cry with guilt.
The problem was Derek never said anything. Never made the younger man feel this way, never said anything or did anything that told him he would rather be anywhere else. Derek always said he felt privileged to be able to look after Spencer like he could, wanted to lift the weight off his shoulders even just a little.
Spencer's mind was chastising him for letting his headache get the better of him. He should have just taken some aspirin and dealt with it like every other person does. He shouldn't have let Derek take him home.
Those thoughts make him feel even worse, because he knows this is where he needs to be. He knows he can't be at work when he can barely keep his eyes open, knows it's a liability in the field, but that doesn't make him feel any less useless.
Tears pricked at the back of his eyes as Derek's touch brought him back to reality, knowing the older man would chastise him for feeling this way. He's just so sick of feeling useless and incompetent, so sick of being sick.
Thankfully Derek didn't notice the wetness in his eyes and continued to rub his neck until the water went cold. He stood up and reached for his towel that was hanging on the door, briefly drying himself before wrapping it around his waist.
He grabbed Spencer's towel and helped him out of the bath, attempting to wrap it around his boyfriend body.
"I can dry myself, Derek" Spencer didn't mean to sound so harsh, to snatch the towel away so forcefully, but right now everything hurts a little too much and Derek trying to coddle him isn't helping.
His brain tried to remind him that Derek wasn't coddling him, he was just trying to make him feel better, but it didn't make the guilt in the pit of his stomach lessen any more when Derek's brows creased in confusion.
"I know baby, i'm just trying to help" Derek stepped back a little, letting Spencer wrap the towel around himself.
Spencer's heart clenched painfully, lowering his head and walking to the bedroom. He could hear Derek trail behind but he kept his distance, a deep frown on his face.
Seeing the worry and confusion swirl in his deep brown eyes was what finally broke Spencer and his face crumbled, letting out a pathetic sob as he sat down on the bed. The action only made his head throb even more, but he didn't care, not when he was rude to Derek for no reason.
"Sweetheart" Derek was at his side in an instant, wrapping his arms around Spencer's waist, guiding the younger man's head to rest against his chest.
Spencer didn't want to cry, in fact crying was doing nothing but putting him in more pain, but he just felt so guilty. All of these bad thoughts had been building up for a while, and the pain in his head plus the looming fear something was wrong with him could only be bottled up for so long.
Derek didn't even try to push Spencer to talk, just held him tightly, fingers gently tangling in his hair.
"I'm sorry" Spencer sniffled. "I'm so sorry"
Derek craned his neck as best he could to press a kiss to the side of Spencer's head, rubbing his hand up and down the other man's arm. "For what, baby? You have nothing to be sorry for"
"I yelled at you. I didn't mean to, i'm sorry"
Derek's heart squeezed in his chest and he sighed, wishing he could will away the guilt his boyfriend was feeling.
"It's okay, pretty boy, It's okay"
"It hurts so much. My head hurts so much, Derek. I can't- I don't want to live like this anymore"
Derek sighed and encouraged Spencer to look at him, gently wiping the tears away with his thumb. "I know it hurts, sweetheart. I know. It kills me seeing you in this much pain, kills me knowing there's nothing I can do to help"
The two sit on the bed for a while, cuddled up in each others warm embrace, Derek pressing soothing kisses to his boyfriends lips and Spencer trying his best not to cry even more at the pure love and affection of the act.
Spencer shivered a little as the cool air hit his skin and Derek stood immediately, helping him get out of his wet towel and into some warm clothes. He made sure the other man was comfortable before he got dressed himself, throwing the towels in the bathroom where he would pick them up later.
"You want something to eat?" Derek asked the man, who shook his head.
"Tired. Just wanna sleep"
Spencer shuffled to the top of the bed and pulled the blankets back while Derek turned off the light, sighing contentedly as his boyfriend immediately climbed in after him, wrapping his arms around his waist.
The two shifted to get comfortable, Derek pressing a kiss to Spencer's shoulder. The younger man closed his eyes and let the feeling of Derek's breathing lull him into a sense of calmness, though his thoughts were still raging in his mind.
The room was silence for a while, so long Derek thought Spencer must have finally gotten to sleep, but then the younger man turned to face him, eyes wide and filled with so much pain and suffering it made the older man want to cry.
"What's up, sweetheart?" Derek asked, bringing his hand up to gently trace his jawline, trailing down his neck and back up again.
"I'm worried something is wrong with me, Der"
Derek knew telling the younger man he was having the same thought would only fuel him with more panic, so he smiled softly, though his eyes were telling a different story.
Truth be told, Derek had started to wonder if there was something else going on when the headaches would leave Spencer bed ridden for days, would immobilise the man to the point he could only stand for a few minutes at a time before his legs weakened.
Logically, he knew that wasn't normal, but Spencer was already a health freak and expressing his concerns would just make the younger man freak out, so he kept them quiet.
"Would you like to go see someone? Just to make sure"
The look in Spencer's eyes told him he'd rather die, but the younger man knew it was always better to be safer than sorry.
Spencer nodded, never breaking eye contact with Derek, wondering whether he should tell the man about the thoughts in his head. He knew that he wouldn't be able to hide it for long, Derek could always tell when there was something going on with him.
"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Derek tapped his head gently, smile pulling at his lips when Spencer let out a laugh.
"I dunno, i've just been feeling a little... helpless, I guess"
Derek's brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean, baby?"
"I just feel a little guilty that you have to take time off work to look after me, and you don't get to hang out with your friends or the team because I can't take care of myself"
Spencer didn't want to cry again that night, but the guilt weighed heavy on his heart and he found himself blinking back tears again, the look of pure confusion painted on his boyfriends face not helping one bit.
"Spencer, I need you to listen to me" Derek grabbed his hands and brought them to his lips, pressing them against Spencer's knuckles for a moment. "There is truly no place I'd rather be, than at your side, making sure that you're okay. I love you with all my heart, and seeing you sad or in pain boots up some protective instinct inside of me and all I want to do is hold you and kiss you, make you laugh and smile"
"I understand why you feel this way, truly I do, but I need you to trust me when I say that by your side is where I belong, and it is where i'm going to stay for the rest of our lives"
Spencer smiled at the man but let him talk, eyes filtering between his lips and his eyes. He could feel his own eyes start to water but he ignored it, because this was something that he needed to hear.
"I plan on marrying you, someday. And to me, the vows 'in sickness and in health' don't just start the day you get married, they start the day that you become friends, the day you meet"
Hearing that Derek has thought about marriage made Spencer's heart swell and before he knew it he was climbing onto Derek's lap, pressing their lips together in a kiss that left them both breathless.
"I'll never get tired of kissing you" Derek smiled, looking up at him with pure fondness and love in his eyes.
"Good" Spencer kissed him again, feeling Derek's hands move to settle on his lower back. "Because I never plan to stop kissing you"
They kissed until their lips were red and bruised, until their lungs were sore and until Spencer could no longer keep his eyes open. He rolled back onto his side and sighed as Derek pressed his chest to his back, wrapping his arms around him.
"I love you, so much, baby boy" Derek whispered.
"I love you, Der"
Though the thoughts and fears were still swarming around his brain, he knew that whatever happened next, Derek would be by his side no matter what, and that was all he
needed.