Work Text:
Sunoo
It was a very cold morning, it's exactly 2:30 am right now. Our family is preparing for our simbang gabi. This tradition was very popular not just for us Filipino but also in our family who believes that God is the source of everything. There's a saying that if you complete your simbang gabi, you can wish anything and that wish will come true. At first I did not believe that, I am not a person who believes in superstitions. 'Wala naman mawawala sayo kung gagawin mo eh' my friends and family always say this to me, and instead of joining them doing the traditional superstitions, I ignored it until something heavy came to my life.
At the age of 22, I developed leukemia cancer. Our family has a history of having leukemia, and they think I inherited it from my ancestors. Of course, at first I didn't really grasp that I have cancer. I cannot accept it because I am young, I have a lot of dreams, I want to meet and build my family in the future also. I am a consistent honor student, I always pray and thank God for everything. I attended a lot of youth camp ministry and Sunday masses, listening and reflecting on the gospels, why me? At first I question God, I question Him why me. Did I disobey Him? Sobrang dami ko bang kasalanan na nagawa? But then I realized, maybe this is his way for me to understand the real concept of life, and will begin to understand and be able to reflect as I believe this is the right time for me to open my eyes and not just stick to my own perspective. Thankfully, we are able to detect and begin to start my check ups and chemo as early as possible
Parang kailan lang I always wish, everytime na makukumpleto ko ang simbang gabi isa lang ang hiling ko, and that is a happy and healthy living for me and my family, but I think this year maiiba ata siya. I want to live, I truly want to live and want my past life back where a Sunoo is still the sunshine of everyone, Sunoo who loves to compete in quiz bee, Sunoo who loves to sing and dance, Sunoo who loves and appreciate everything, and Sunoo who is living normally without any regrets. I still want to become a doctor, I want to cure many children in the future. Am I greedy if I say to God that I don't want to die and want to live more with family and friends?
“Anak, are you ok? Are you sure you can handle going on simbang gabi today?” my mom who was busy putting her earrings earlier is now on my side, patting my head. I look at her and smile to show that I am ok and I can manage to go to simbang gabi.
“Mom, don't worry kayang kaya ko to. Hindi pa naman kalala yung cancer ko so don't worry” I smiled at her after I said these words. Noon, I can't even say the word 'cancer' because I can't. But now, with the guidance of the Lord and my family, they give me enough reason for me to continue fighting.
“I'm just making sure anak, you know how much I love you right?” and with that, I can sense that she is about to cry. I hold her hand and smile at her.
“Mom, just trust me and God ok. I know that He will guide me ok, everythings gonna be alright” I said to her and began hugging her. We stayed at that position until we decided na gumayak na kasi baka mawalan kami ng pwesto mamaya sa simbahan.
**************************
Arriving at the church, we expect that a lot of people are already here but to our surprise, may pwesto pa kami sa loob. Sabagay, it's the start of simbang gabi, people are still adjusting sa oras. As we sat on our seats, I roam my eyes around to observe and look at everyone who was happily talking to their companions and family. I smiled as I saw that almost all the people here are happy.
I was busy roaming my eyes around when suddenly I sensed that someone was staring at me. It was a very unfamiliar feeling at the same time curiosity is now consuming my whole persona that's why I started looking around to see if my gut feeling that someone is looking at me is true or it's just my feelings na nagloloko.
I stopped roaming around when I met a pair of ash brown eyes who were intensely looking at me. I can't read what's on his mind and why he is staring at me. Because of how he stares at me, I began to become conscious of myself. May mali ba sa mukha ko? May dumi ba or what? Wala sa isip kong inaangat ang kamay ko saka hinimas ang gilid ng labi mata, at pisngi ko, looking if there's a dirt something in my face. Wala naman akong nakikita ah, bakit siya nakatitig saakin? Or maybe hindi talaga saakin, maybe sa likod ko or katabi ko siya nakatitig diba?
Agad akong namula sa naisip kong yun kasi mukha akong tanga na hinihimas pa mukha ko. Napabalik ako ng tingin sakanya just to make sure if he's really looking at me or nah, pero nag sisi lang rin ako because right now nakangiti siya at tumawa ng mahina bago bumalik ang tingin saakin. Ok, confirmed ako nga tinititigan nito. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at pinag-krus ang dalawa kong kamay. Bakit niya ako tinatawanan at tinititigan? Close ba kami? Magkakilala ba kami? He just smiled at me saka lumipat ng pwesto. Oh, pa start na pala ang mass. Tinalikuran ko naman siya saka inayos ang pwesto ko. Deadma sa bashers, or baka gandang ganda lang siya saakin. Nagkibit balikat ako at saktong nagsimula na ang mass. I cleared my thoughts and started to focus on mass.
********************
The mass has ended and andito ako ngayon sa labas ng simbahan, inaantay si mommy dahil nag cr lang ito. We decided na bumili ng putobungbong after niyang umihi that's why I am waiting her here outside now. At since dahil ayaw kong magmukhang kawawa or lonely here, nilabas ko ang phone ko and started scrolling to my soc meds to entertain myself.
I was busy scrolling when someone tap my shoulder, at medyo napalakas ito to the point na maramdaman ko ito hanggang sa paa ko. Ayaw na ayaw ko when someone does that to me and alam yun ng mga taong malapit saakin. Nakakunot noo akong lumingon sa likod ko and to my surprise, eto yung lalaking nakatitig saakin kanina before mass. Medyo mas matangkad siya saakin kaya ngayon ay nakatingala ako sakanya. He smiled at me saka nagsalita
“Uh hello sorry for the sudden approach but I just want to ask if saan mo nabili yang polo mo? I like the style kasi” he said saka tinuturo ang suot kong polo ngayon. Ha, para lang doon kaya niya ako ni approach?
“Uh, ok first things first hello. Gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na ayaw ko ng ginaganun ako, yung tinatap shoulder and also sa oxygen ko binili tong polo ko” medyo mataray na sagot ko naman sakanya. His expression suddenly change into a apologetic expression saka napakamot naman siya sa leeg.
“Oh sorry my bad! I didn't know it! Promise di ko na uulitin next time, and thank you for answering my question” he said then smiled at me. Napataas naman ako ng kilay sa sinabi niya.
“So sa tingin mo magkikita ulit tayo?” mataray na tanong ko sakanya. He paused for a second then attractively laughed at my statement. What? There's nothing funny there bakit ako tinatawanan nito?
“HAHAHAHA you can't tell malay mo diba. Anyway, your mom I think is now coming here. I gotta go, thanks again for answering my question! See you around” sabi niya saka nagsimulang maglakad papalayo saakin.
“Maybe never” mahinang bulong ko naman saka binalik ang tingin ko sa harapan, and I saw my mom na papunta na ngayon sa pwesto ko. Ok that's a weird encounter but he is handsome, not gonna lie.
***************
Another simbang gabi is done, 2/9! Still, it's too early to celebrate and have my wish, but I love listening to the gospel kanina. Everytime I go to church, I always feel refreshed and blessed. Nagiging kalmado yung pagkatao ko because of my reflections sa mga gospel, dagdag factor na ang galing galing ng priest namin. Me and my mom are here sa harapan ng stall ng putubungbong. Ever since I was a child, I always love putobungbong to the point na nagawawala ako noon sa bahay if mom and dad didn't brought any putobungbong after ng simbang gabi.
“Anak can you wait for me saglit? I'll just go meet and pick up my order to my friend there lang sa gilid ng church” my mom said saka inabot saakin ang isang libo.
“Sure mom I can manage po. Wait ko nalang rin po kayo dito” and with that, we bid our short goodbye.
While waiting for my mom, natatakam na ako sa amoy ng binili naming putobungbong, yung tipong ngayon palang gusto ko ng kainin. I want to entertain myself by using my phone but I can't handle holding another stuff in my hand. Dahil sa dami ng hawak ko. I mentally sigh at pinagmasdan nalang ang mga tao sa paligid. Everyone looks so happy, the smiles plastered on their faces indicates that they are happy, but as the saying goes by, Don't judge the book by its cover. Maybe just like me, they are happy outside but inside, a lot of problems and complicated stuff are happening and they want to conceal it by appearing happy to others.
I was busy observing and appreciating everyone when I felt someone was standing beside me. I immediately turn around, nagbabakasakaling si mama yon but to my surprise again, it was the guy yesterday na nagtanong about my polo. Shock was visible to my face because what the hell is he doing here? I mean of course nakimisa siya but the church is too big for us to have a 100% possibility to see each other again?
“Hi, I know it's me again. Don't get me wrong ha, I'm just here to buy some putobungbong. It's my favorite food here hehe, kaya if naiisip mong stalker kita, don't ” aba siya pa talaga nagsabi niyan ha
“Excuse me? Una sa lahat hindi ko naman tinanong anong favorite food mo dito, pangalawa, bakit ako mag aassume na stalker kita?” masungit na sabi ko sakanya. He chuckled before answering to me.
“Inborn na talaga ang pagiging masungit mo no? Please chill ako lang to oh” He said before winking at me. Disgust was visible to my face, pinagsasabi neto?
“At anong pake mo kung masungit ako? Feeling close ka kasi eh we've never meet before” sabay irap na sabi ko sakanya.
“Chill lods. Hindi kaba napapaisip? Pangalawang meeting na natin to? Maybe this is fortuity na and not coincidence right?” mahangin niya sabi. Ang mas nagpadagdag ng inis ko ay ang kanyang kilay na ginagalaw galaw niya.
“Pinagsasabi mong fortuity?? Nakahithit kaba? Ewan ko sayo kausapin mo sarili mo” nandidiring sabi ko sakanya.
“Eto naman hindi mabiro, papakilala na nga lang ako. Hi, I'm Heeseung, Medtech student, anytime anywhere ready ka tusukan 24/7” swabeng sabi niya saakin saka inilahad ang kamay. Hindi makapaniwala ko siyang tinignan.
“Uh, ano titigan mo nalang ba ang kamay ko? Nangangawit na to lods oh, pero for you kaya ka niyang antayin” he said at iginalaw ang kanyang kamay. Ano bang gusto nitong mangyari? I just sigh saka inilahad rin ang kamay ko sa palad niya.
“I'm Sunoo, at hindi mo na kailangan ang course ko.” Nabigla naman ako ng bigla niyang sinimulang i-shake ang aming kamay.
“What a beautiful name! Add ka sakin sa facebook mamaya!” he said saka pinaghiwalay ang palad naming dalawa.
“Stop being creepy gosh. Bahala kana diyan, I can see my mom coming here. I need to go. Bye” hindi ko na siya inantay sumagot at umalis na doon at salubungin si mommy.
I was about to help my mom sa mga binubuhat niya when my phone buzz. I decided to check it out muna kasi baka eto na yung inaantay kong email for my chemo.
Heeseung Lee wants to add you as a friend
Ah shit, tinotoo ngang i add ako agad. I rolled my eyes then close my phone and then decided to help my mom.
*****************
3/9
Nandito kami ngayon ni mommy sa harap ng mga putobungbong stall. Oo na, ako na ang adik sa putobungbong. Everyone loves putobungbong right? Tatanungin ko sana si mom kung pwede dagdagan pa ng isa ang order namin when someone call her sa phone. I said she should answer that first because mine is not that important.
“Kuya padagdag po ng order, thank you po” at sinimulan na nga ni kuya gumawa pa ng isang order since kakatapos niya sa order namin ni mama kanina.
“Hinay hinay aa putobungbong, baka sa sobrang adik magka diabetes ka” I was very startled when someone whisper in my ears. Agad akong napalayo at napalingon sa tao na bumulong sa likod ko.
Napairap ako when I saw Heeseung now smiling so widely to me. Jusko, kailan ba ako tatantanan nito? Sumasakit na ulo ko sakanya ha, lakas mambwiset eh
“My gosh Heeseung paano pag nasampal kita sa sobrang pagka bigla ko? Bakit kaba bumubulong bulong diyan” sabi ko sakanya habang sapo ang aking dibdib.
“Ikaw kasi eh! Hindi mo pa inaaccept yung Friend request ko sayo sa facebook! Hmp nakakatampo kana Sunoo” nagtatampong sabi niya naman saakin saka nag pout. Ok, aaminin ko ang cute cute niya diyan.
“Bakit ba gustong gusto mong kulitin ako? Crush mo ba ako?” and now it's my turn to say habang naka kunot ang noo sakanya. Ang kulit kasi ng lahi eh! Parang kabute na kung saan saan sumusulpot. If yung friend request lang ang habol niya today, I will gladly accept nalang then yun para mabawasan naman ang sakit ko sa ulo. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano nalang naging parang casual yung pakikitungo namin sa isa't isa.
“Edi pag sinabi kong oo baka kiligin kana niyan? Sige na oh accept mo na friend request ko” aba ang yabang ha
“Wow ang yabang ha, excuse me ikaw tong lapit ng lapit saakin, at kung yung friend request lang ang dahilan mo, i-aaccept na kita ngayon din” sabi ko pa sakanya saka nilabas ang aking phone so that he can see na i-aaccept ko na siya. Please lang, ilayo niyo na to sakin bukas
“Ayown naman lods, diba it's easy to click the accept button” mahangin niya naman sabi. I just rolled my eyes at him saka inopen ang facebook app saka pumunta agad sa friend request niya.
Nilapit ko naman ang screen ng phone ko sa mukha niya bago i-click ang accept button dito.
“Okay na ha, I already accepted your friend request. Tigil tigilan mo na ako, bye” masungit na sabi ko sakanya nagsimulang maglakad pabalik sa sasakyan namin ni Mommy. Itetext ko nalang siguro si mommy na sa sasakyan ko nalang siya antayin since nakukulitan ako kay Heeseung. Pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko palang sa loob ay bigla naman tumunog ang notification sound ng messenger, indicating that someone chat me. I open my phone at ang bumungad sa akin ay ang chat ni Heeseung
“Grabe di mo manlang ako inantay magba-bye sayo. Anyway ingat ka sun! And yes I already have my nickname to you wala ka ng magagawa doon” pagkakabasa ko ng kanyang chat ay napa rolyo ako ng mata. This man is really something huh, but the nickname, It's cute
*******************
4/9
Mapupungay ang nga mata kong lumabas ng simbahan because of puyat. Hindi ko naman sinasadya ang mapuyat, it's just that Heeseung is so consistent and very loud on my messenger, but infairness he is very entertaining and it keeps me up because he is funny. I admit, he is very fun to talk to. His humor is something that I like, yung humor na nakakatawa pero may laman and not offensive ganun?
“Are you ok anak? You seem so sleepy, you want us to go now? Papasuyo nalang ako later sa dad mo na bumili ng putobungbong if you want” nag aalala namang sabi ni mom. I don't know, kusang bumuka ang bibig ko para pigilan siya.
“No mommy! Let's….. let's stay here for a while please, bili narin tayo putobungbong hehe” I said saka kumapit sa braso niya at nilibot ulit ang paningin ko sa paligid. I don't know, there's something inside me na may hinahanap. I am not dumb enough to not realize that I am looking for the presence of Heeseung.
We are about to go to the food stall when a familiar voice shouts my name. I didn't have to turn around because boses palang alam ko na. Shock was evident in my mom's face bago lumingon sa likod ko. Agad niya naman akong kinalabit para lumingon narin sa likod ko.
“Anak your friend I assume is calling you oh” bulong ni mommy saakin. I close my eyes before turning around. Pagka-ikot ko ay sumalubong saakin si Heeseung na patuloy parin tinatawag ang pangalan ko habang kumakaway. Napa facepalm nalang ako saka nagpaalam kay mommy na pupuntahan ko lang siya saglit.
“No need to shout my name!! Nakakahiya ka talaga” unang bungad ko sakanya saka hinampas ang braso niya. Tumawa naman siya bago nagsalita
“Oh bakit naman? Your name is so pretty naman ah? Cute pa yung may ari” maang-maangan niya namang sabi saakin. Inirapan ko siya saka hinampas ulit yung braso niya.
“Pati sa personal ang bolero mo. Halika nga papakilala kita kay Mommy, mukhang curious siya sayo eh” I said saka sinimulang hawakan ang wrist niya.
“Hala mamanhikan agad? Teka hindi ako prepared tawagin ko rin sila papsky at mamsky!” parang batang pagmamaktol niya saakin na di kalaunan ay tumawa naman siya. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin bago nagsalita
“Che! Daming satsat diba gusto mo magpakilala kay mommy sabi mo sa chat? Ilabas mo tapang mo ngayon” saka pinagpatuloy ang paghila sa pulsuhan niya papunta kay mommy na ngayon ay nakangiti habang nakatingin saamin.
Pagkarating namin sa pwesto ay umayos ng tayo si Heeseung saka nagmano kay mommy dahilan para mas lumawak ang ngiti ni mom kay heeseung.
“Hello po tita! Good evening! Ako po pala si Heeseung, Sunoo's friend po hehe” confident na sabi ni Heeseung. Wow, I didn't know that he is really makapal ha, earlier he said he is shy but look at him now lol.
“Nako ikaw ba yung nakikita kong palaging nakakausap ni Sunoo after mass? Buti naman at naabutan ka namin ngayon” my mom said
I was about to say something when I felt something painful in my head. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili at napahawak sa ulo ko at kay Heeseung, I sense Heeseung's panic at agad agad akong inalalayan. Agad agad namang lumapit saakin si mommy and fear and concern was very evident on her face.
“Anak!!! Are you okay? Do you feel something?? Let's rest now ok. Heeseung can you please help me pakilagay si Sunoo sa sasakyan” I can feel my moms voice shaking. I know that Heeseung is very confused but he is still obligated.
Naramdaman kong umanga ako but hindi ko na iyon pinansin dahil hindi ko na kaya ang sakit na nararamdaman ko, and I want to vomit right now, I don't know anymore as I can feel the darkness is now consuming me. I can hear my mom and Heeseung's voice but as time goes by, it gradually fades, just like my vision.
*************
*HEESEUNG*
I am here at Sunoo's room sa hospital, nasa gilid habang siya ay mahimbing na nagpapahinga. After what happened earlier, halos magpanic ako ng maisakay ko si Sunoo sa sasakyan nila at napagdesisyunan na sumama nalang sakanila ni tita. Tita is not in the mind papunta sa hospital and I can see how she panics. I can see her hands shaking and her eyes are now in tears. Kahit nahihiya ay pinahinto ko ang sasakyan and volunteer to drive for them because I think this is not a right condition for her to drive. At first she said no because are in a hurry to go to a hospital but after I said that she can't drive with that Condition she agreed.
Pagkarating namin ng hospital agad naman kaming sinalubong ng stretcher. Sumama ako kina tita at habang tinutulak ang stretcher ay kinuwento namin sa doktor anong nangyari kanina. I was about to say something when tita's word suddenly makes my whole system shake.
“Doc he has leukemia, please please okay naman siya kanina and nung isang araw, please doc” tita pleaded to the doctor. With that statement, suddenly it became hard for me to breathe. How?? Kailan pa may leukemia si sunoo? What I feel right now cannot be described by one word. Napabaling ang tingin ko kay sunoo who looks very angelic while his eyes are closed. Tita kept crying beside me and I wanted to cry with her but I couldn't because she needs someone right now.
Sabog ako kanina hanggang sa makarating ako sa ganitong scenario, ako habang nasa tabi ni Sunoo, pinapanood siyang magpahinga peacefully. While looking at him, I suddenly remember how he was shining when I first met him during my first journey as a medtech student. I am an irregular medtech student in the university. In the middle of semester I decided to shift and pursue what I really want to do in life, to become a doctor. That's why I took this pre-med course and wanted to pursue becoming a physician. It was very hard for me since I don't even know everyone here and I am afraid to befriend everyone as I am still observing my new environment.
I was busy reviewing my ipad when someone suddenly handed me a chocolate in front of me. I looked up and saw Sunoo, who was smiling widely at me. His smile was very genuine, his eyes were nowhere to be found because of his beautiful smile. Just like a ray of sunlight, his smile gives me a bright and warm feeling. He looks very cute right now, which stunned me. I suddenly can't find my word to say to him, I can't even say my gratitude. What the hell?
After a few seconds of him smiling at me, I still did not compose myself until he left and began to distribute another chocolate to one of my classmates. I don't know, he got my full attention to the point that I watched him distribute his chocolate to the whole class. I can feel how my heart skips a beat and I know in myself that I am attracted to him. Since then, I started to look at him every class. Of course, academics is also my priority. That's why I always advanced reading our topics because I want to just stare and look at sunoo for the whole class. Umabot pa ako sa puntong kahit sa canteen ay pasimple ko siyang sinusundan.
I was so very happy being with him in one of my classes when suddenly our professor decided to divide our class into two and sadly, me and sunoo are apart until now. Of course dinibdib ko yun because I admit to myself already that time that I like him, I like him. I am willing to go to the canteen kahit wala akong vacant just to see him since our schedules conflict with each other.
Now that he is in his 3rd year, after a long thinking and decision making, I decided that sa simula ng simbang gabi, I will start to go out from the bush magpakilala sakanya and everything. I am sure that he can't remember me but for me, his face was very clear to my mind. I've been liking him for about 3 years already. I can't bear to see him sad and can't comfort him, I want to be by his side and I am willing to take the risk just to be with him. After all, I want to be with him without any regrets if God's permit.
I know that Sunoo and his family are religious because according to my friends who know their family, they shared it with me. That's why I planned on the first day of simbang gabi, magpapakilala ako at kukulitin siya. First meeting came, and I am like a bastard smiling even though our first encounter is already done. Kinikilig akong naglalakad sa sasakyan ko at inaalala ang pag uusap namin kanina. Natawa nalang rin ako sa tanong ko sakanya because what the hell? Sino ba naman ang bigla-biglang magtatanong just because of a freaking polo shirt? Napailing nalang ako at napag desisyunan na umuwi nalang muna.
The next day, after ng misa ay inayos ko muna ang sarili ko bago ako lumabas ng simbahan. Pagkalabas ko ay hindi ko siya nakita sa harap ng simbahan. I began to roam around and thanks to my gifted height, I saw his familiar figure nakatayo sa may putobungbong stall. I smiled at pumunta doon. That day, I began to know what he dislikes and I mentally took notes for future purposes. He said na we've never met before, I mentally laugh at that statement because he really doesn't remember me, and of course he doesn't need to tell me his course kasi pareho lang naman kaming dalawa. That day, I was also concerned about him because he looks so pale but I didn't bother asking at naputulan ako ng moment with him because her mother is coming back. I can't even say my goodbye to him but nevertheless, he looks so cute parin.
Pangatlong araw ng simbang gabi. I was in my usual attire. Excited akong matapos ang simbang gabi because ginanahan akong mag stalk sa facebook ni Sun. Naka link narin sa may malapit sa bio niya ang instagram at twitter account niya kaya pati ito ay inistalk ko. Because of that, I have my own folder of his photos sa phone ko. I save some of his picture at grabe, hindi ako nakatulog kagabi kakapili anong magandang wallpaper kasi halos lahat yun ay maganda. Natapos ang simbang gabi at nagsimula na akong hanapin si Sun and I successfully saw him again sa stall ng putobungbong. Agad ko naman napagdesisyunan na lapitan siya at bumulong na hinay hinay lang siya sa kinakain niya. Natawa ako sa reaction niya because he looks so shocked but still cute. As usual, kinulit ko ulit siya but this time, it's about him accepting my friend request sakanya sa facebook, and it worked. Sobrang saya ko dahil mas makukulit ko siya sa messenger.
Since then, all day ko siyang kinulit. I shared a lot of information about me, I made a lot of jokes and he always cursed me because ang korni daw. I was happy talking to him to the point that I can't finish eating my food while waiting for his replies. It was a very happy memory until this day. A lot of emotions and thoughts are playing inside my head earlier, it's like it's very hard to absorb kung ano ang nalaman ko today, but seeing sunoo sleeping peacefully napaisip ako, why would this angel have that kind of condition? Nalulungkot ako but at the same time I don't want him to feel like I pity him because I know that Sun doesn't like that. He is so strong for being able to fight silently without saying his condition to other people.
Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay saka pinakiramdaman ang init nito.
“Sun, did I already told you how you shine so bright to me” halos pabulong na sabi ko dito. Ibinaba ko ang ulo ko because I can feel my tears are now ready to come out.
“Halos araw araw mo akong guluhin Heeseung, bakit di mo sinasabi sakin yan” napaangat ako ng tingin kay Sun ng marinig ko ang nanghihina niyang boses na sumagot saakin.
“SUN!! You are awake!! Wait, I'll call the doctor and tita rin” I excitedly claimed before reaching for the buzzer and my phone to contact tita's number. Before I can manage to find tita’s number on my phone, Sunoo touches my hands, parang pinipigilan ako. I look at him na may halong pagtataka bago ibaba ang aking phone at mas lumapit sa kanyang pwesto.
“You probably knew na I have cancer Heeseung. Alam mo ba bakit pinipilit ko ang katawan ko na umattend ng simbang gabi kahit minsan nahihirapan ako? Kasi may hiling ako. I have a wish Heeseung, and that wish is something impossible na magawa ng tao and only miracles can do.” Napatahimik ako saka malungkot na tumingin sakanya. His eyes looks so very tired and sad. The Sunoo that I know when I first met him is now different.
“Heeseung, gusto ko pang mabuhay. Gusto ko pang mabuhay ng matagal, matupad lahat ng pangarap ko. Gusto ko pang makasama si mommy ng matagal. Madami pa akong gustong subukan Heeseung…. Ang hirap Heeseung… ang hirap lalo na pag gising mo ng umaga ang unang papasok sa isip mo may sakit kang kakalabanin. I can’t start my day going to the bathroom just to vomit and act like I’m okay when mommy is around. Ang hirap magpanggap na okay ang lahat… na magiging okay ang lahat…. Ang hirap maging optimistic na tao, I don’t know anymore… gusto kong mapagod, but naiisip ko ang mga sacrifices ng parents ko kaya kahit mahirap lalaban ako…” hindi na napigilan ni Sunoo at umiyak saaking harapan. Ang sakit sakit sa puso panoorin ni Sunoo on his fragile state. Ramdam mo ang sakit at pagod sa kanyang iyak ..
Hindi ko napigilan at hinawakan ang kanyang kamay saka hinimas himas ito
“Sunoo, I know that I can’t ease your pain and illness, but I can be your person and angel beside you from now on until the end. Hayaan mo akong samahan ka sa tabi mo Sunoo because after all, The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.” and after that, we both are crying our lungs out like there’s no tomorrow.
*************************
*Sunoo*
Since that day, Heeseung has come to our house everyday. Halos doon na siya manirahan because palagi niya akong dinadalaw. At first, pinagsabihan ko siya dahil sayang sa gas atyaka hindi ba siya nagsasawa saakin na palaging nanghihina at sumusuka sa harapan, but he only answered me with “please sunoo, hayaan mo akong ipakita at iparamdam sayo kung gaano kita kamahal” and everytime na I will open about that topic, iniiba niya ang topic. At first, when heeseung confessed to me, I was in shock but since the raging emotion of sadness is invading our whole system, we cried until we are tired of crying that day. Saka lang nag sink in saakin ang sinabi niya nung nagising ako the next day and honestly I don’t know how to react and feel. He was some guy who suddenly popped into my life out of nowhere tapos bigla siyang mag coconfess sakin.
Kakatapos ng simbang gabi and as usual, Heeseung is here at our house.
“Sun, it’s time for your breakfast. Ako nag luto niyan, wait ayusin ko lang diyan sa kama mo.” he said habang bitbit ang mga pagkain na dala niya. Nakita ko naman na it’s my favorite na adobo atyaka kanin with grape juice for beverage. I smiled at him before saying my thanks.
“Mukhang ang lalim ng iniisip mo ha, can I ask anong gumugulo sa isip mo” He said saka ako sinubuan. Actually, nung una I don’t like him na sinusubuan ako, but he is so makulit kaya hinayaan ko na. Since then, sinimulan niya na akong subuan everytime na kumain kami. Nilunok ko muna ang kinakain ko bago nagsalita.
“Actually Heeseung I’m still so curious paano mo ako nagustuhan eh ilang araw mo palang naman ako kinukulit at kilala.” I said to him dahilan para mapigilan siyang magsubo saakin saka tumawa ng mahina. I look at him na nakakunot ang nood because wala naman nakakatawa sa sinabi ko.
“You really don't remember noh? Since you are so kulit okay hear me out. Naaalala mo ba noong may irregular student kayong classmate noon? It was me. I first saw you shining when inabot mo saakin ang isang pirasong chocolate habang nag rereview ako since may quiz tayo sa anatomy that time ata. Doon, doon kita unang naging crush hahaha ang high school pakinggan but you got my attention dahil ang cute cute cute mo.” He pause at ngumiti ng may maaalala. With that being said, inalala ko yung sinasabi niya, I remember na may irreg kaming classmate that time but I didn't know na siya pala iyon.
“After that palihim kitang sinusubaybayan until nagkahiwalay tayo ng code since na divide ang klase. I was so sad that time pero siyempre I didn't gave up at palagi kitang inaabangan sa canteen, or around campus. Makita lang kita noon masaya na ako. Until ngayong nag 3rd year kana, I said to myself papayag ba akong hangang dito nalang? So I decided that simula sa unang simbang gabi, I will talk to you since I don't want to live with any regrets and then boom, look at us now” he said saka tumigil ulit. I was busy comprehending what he said because this is tmi. Heeseung is actually handsome, may gifted height, plus sobrang gentlemen and sobrang bait. Wjo wouldn't love this guy?
“Sun, it's okay, you don't have to say anything as long as you are willing to make me na makapasok sa buhay mo at alagaan ka, ok na ako doon” he purely said to me and I can feel how genuine his feelings are.
“Heeseung, bakit hindi mo sinabi agad? Alam mo ba when I first encounter you sa simbang gabi, my first impression to you is sobrang ingay at makulit. You are cute and handsome but you are so annoying that time” I said to him at hindi napigilan tumawa ng mahina. He smiled at me before speaking
“So cute at pogi ako sa paningin mo? Shet teka kinikilig ako” he said at parang butiki na tumawa. Tinapik ko naman ang kanyang braso
“Grabe ha, yon talaga ni react mo agad no? Hambog ka talaga” I said to him. Tumawa naman siya before he cling to my arms. Hindi ako tumutol at hinayaan lang siya sa ginawa niya.
“But when the 4th day na simbang gabi comes, I began to look for your presence. There's something inside me na nagsasabi na hindi kumpleto ang simbang gabi pag wala ka na nangungulit saakin until boom ayun na nga yung nangyari, where we cried our lungs out so much hahaha. But ayun, being with you, I realize how to become happy again because you are so funny and so gentlemen. Heeseung, maybe I'm still not sure to my feelings but don't worry, isa lang ang masisiguro ko, may pag-asa ka saakin so please….please wag kang mapagod na mahalin ako” seryoso ang aking tono while saying that to him. I can feel how he tightens his clinging to me.
Ilang segundo ay tumayo siya at bigla akong niayakap. Nagulat ako sa sudden action niya but hindi ko siya sinita at sinimulan ko rin siyang yakapin pabalik. We stayed for that position until I can feel him crying na mas nagpagulat saakin.
“Heeseung…are you crying??” I said saka hinimas ang likod naman nito. He didn't answer immediately but his sobs confirmed that he is really crying.
“Sun, you don't know how happy I feel today. Thank you sun, thank you for letting me inside your life and heart. Don't worry, kahit anong mangyari, I love you neither with my heart, nor with my mind. My heart might stop, my mind can forget. I love you with my soul because my soul never stops or forgets. ” he said between his sobs. Hindi ko narin napigilan ang pag iyak at dinamayan siya.
Grabe, andaming nangyari sa buhay ko this year but I didn't expect that I will met someone who will love me unconditionally. It's like, this is a dream I never expected. Upon being with this person, I realize how lucky I am to be na ako ang nagustuhan niya. He is now my light as he keeps lighting my darkened life. He makes me realize a lot of things and with that, I saw a lot of things while being with him and made me realize that this person really loves me huh?
Whil we are in our senti moment, naalala ko na we finished our simbang gabi na pala. I smiled because I realized that I can now wish.
Lord, I know in myself that I have also made a lot of sins in life but please help me to make my wish come true. Before I started my simbang gabi, I only had one wish, and that is to be healed by your Glory po and be able to live my life normally and healthy, but now that a person came to my life now, I want to add a wish that I also want to come true. My other wish is for me and Heeseung to be together until the end, I only want him and him only to be my forever person. He makes me feel a lot of emotions and somehow he makes me feel alive again po. Please, gusto ko pa pong humaba ang aking buhay to be with him. After all, he is my sunshine and I am his midnight rain. I never knew what love was until I met him, but when he started coming into my life, just like a feather everything was so light to me. I want to be with him forever.