Chapter Text
By all accounts, Max was a smart guy. He knew this. He didn’t need David repeatedly telling him that he would succeed in college to know it was true. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that Max didn’t want to succeed in college. The system was corrupt and useless and Max saw no need in wasting both his time and money so that old people could look down on him and tell him things that he already knew.
Unfortunately, when your dad is one of those old people, it gets a lot harder to riggle out of higher education.
“Come on, Max. You’ll love it. It’ll be just like camp!”
Max gave his guardian the blankest stare in his arsenal, maintaining eye contact as he slowly bit the head off of one of his dino nuggets. The effectiveness of his intimidation may have dipped over the years of living with David, but Max still caught the eye-twitch. “What I don’t understand is how you can still think I loved camp.”
“You came back every year!”
“Against my will.”
David pouted. Max continued to chew his dinos. “Fine, it’ll be better than camp. You’ll be in total control of your classes and you can join clubs and you won’t have to use an outhouse!”
That was a definite step up, but Max was still unconvinced. “The education inflation that is becoming increasingly prevalent in this country, combined with the more and more severely unbalanced job market and the dying out of important crafts and skills indicates that I would be much better off attending a trade school or certification program of some kind than throwing myself into the bottomless cesspool that is the unemployed college graduate population. Do you really want me still living at home when I’m thirty?”
“Well, you’ll always be welcome here, Max. I’d be happy to have you back if-”
“Ok, let me rephrase. I don’t want to still be living here when I’m thirty.”
The two stared at each other over the kitchen counter, Max daring David to say he was wrong.
“You should really join the debate club.”
“David, oh my God .”
With a small smile, David leaned over the counter and grabbed the now empty plate from in front of his son, rinsing it off in the sink. “I understand what you’re saying, Max, and you’re not completely wrong-”
“Yeah, cause I’m completely right- ”
“ But .” David turned around and fixed the other with his very rare Stern Look. Unlike his everyday stern look, this one was only broken out when not only David himself was serious, but needed Max to be as well. “Max, you have a chance that very few of your peers do. A free, good education is really rare these days, and it would be irresponsible to your future self to not take advantage of it.”
“I feel it would be irresponsible to my future self to waste my time on it.”
David let out a sigh and crossed his arms. He was clearly weighing something in his head. He learned early on that he had to be very careful with his words when talking to his son. He needed to make sure he was saying exactly what he meant. Max had had too many years of being lied to by people who he should have been able to trust.
Seeming to come to a decision, David pushed himself away from the counter and made his way to the living room, head tipping just slightly so Max knew to follow.
They both took a seat on the worn couch, Max playing with the stuffing leaking from the arm out of habit. David didn’t bother telling him to stop.
“Here’s the deal,” he started, turning his body so they were face-to-face. “I don’t want you to miss out on this opportunity, but I also don’t want you to spend four years on something you hate. So, I want you to go for one year.” Max opened his mouth to interrupt, but David stopped him with a raised hand. “Hold on, let me finish. One year. If, after that year, you still think that college isn’t for you, then you have my blessing to drop out. We can talk about other options at that point. However, if you find that you want to continue your education, then you’ll be able to while still getting a full ride. Sound fair?
Max glared at his feet, still fidgeting with the bit of fluff in his hand. Finally he asked, “Is this the only way you’ll drop the topic?”
“Yes.”
With a dramatic groan, Max flopped back over the arm of the couch. “ Fine .”
…
Of the many things about this agreement that Max didn’t like, he wasn’t sure how to feel about the dorm system. At first he said it was stupid for him to live in the dorms seeing as how they lived thirty minutes from campus, but David insisted it was an important part of his ‘formative college experience.’
On the one hand, the lack of commute would make a lot of things easier, and having some distance from David did sound nice. Don’t get him wrong, he l… laaahhh… lvvv… didn’t hate the guy, but their two very different personalities had been living under the same roof for seven years now. There was strain.
On the other hand, Max didn’t like people. Especially new people. At least David was the evil he knew. And, while the lack of outhouses was heartening, he was not excited to experience communal showers again.
All of this was, of course, moot.
“David, stop crying.”
There was a lot of sniffling coming from where Max assumed David’s face to be, currently hidden by a giant red hanky. A sound not unlike an elephant blowing its trunk made it flutter. “I’m sorry, Max, it’s just…” The hanky moved to reveal a great deal of fluids running down his guardian’s face. “You’re moving into your college dorm, and you’re gonna be all on your own…” More sniffling. More hanky wiping. “I can’t believe you’re all grown u-up!”
Before Max could respond, a figure appeared in the doorway. “He won’t be alone, David. You work here, I work here, he has a roommate, and there’s campus police crawling around this place 24/7.” Gwen waltzed into the half empty dorm room and hopped onto the unclaimed bed. “Hey kid.”
Max gave a nod as David’s sobs slowly turned to hiccups.
“I know, I know, it’s just-” He took a deep breath. “He used to be so small .”
“What are you talking about? He’s still- Ow! Watch it, little shit!”
Max lifted another shoe threateningly. “I still have time to grow, bitch. Enjoy your inch of superiority while you still have it.”
It was this image of Gwen and Max glaring at each other, shoes weaponized, while David mopped up his face that Max’s new roommate walked in on.
“Um… hello?”
Three heads snapped to face the doorway. David, ever the counselor, recovered first. “You must be Neil!”
The Q-Tip of a guy nodded. “I guess this is the right room then?”
“Sure is! And this guy over here is your new roomie!” David went to grab Max before seeing the look on his face and thinking better of it.
Max nodded to the new guy. “Hey. I’m Max.”
He waved a spindly hand. “Neil. But I guess you knew that.”
“Yeah.”
The following silence was long. And awkward. Max looked back at Gwen with a silent plea, (although he would never say it that way, Max doesn’t plead ,) to do something. Like drag David’s scrawny ass somewhere else so Max wouldn’t have to deal with him being all weepy. Gwen rolled her eyes but complied anyway, standing from the bed and clearing her throat.
“Come on, David. Let’s give them some space. There’s too many damn people in this room.”
David’s face dropped. “Oh, but I was going to help-”
“We are helping,” Gwen responded, hooking her arm with his on her way out the door, dragging him backwards out of the room. “We’re gonna get ice cream.”
“Ben and Jerry’s?”
“Ben and Jerry’s.”
As they made their way down the hall, Max stuck his head out the dorm room door. “Chocolate Therapy!”
“No shit!” With that, they turned the corner of the hallway and Max was left alone with his new roommate.
“So,” he heard from behind him, “were those your parents?” He sounded unsure, and rightfully so. Both the age and genetic math didn’t add up.
Even after almost a decade, Max didn't have a good answer for that. “Eh, kind of. They were my camp counselors when I was a kid. David adopted me and Gwen just kinda stuck around. She likes to pretend she’s my mom, but really she’s just lonely and likes to boss people around.” He shrugged.
Neil blinked. “Wow. And I thought my family situation was complicated.”
“Neil!” The shout was followed by footsteps thundering up the hallway. “Neil! Neil! Neil!”
A truly world weary sigh left the boy in question. “Speak of the devil…”
Before Max could enquire about which devil that may be, their dorm door was slammed open by a vibrating ball of turquoise. “Neil! We’re on the same floor!”
“We already knew that, Nikki.”
“Yeah, but now I know how long it takes to get from my room to your room.”
“Enough for an adequate warning, I guess,” Neil mumbled, dragging a hand over his face before turning back to Max. “Max, this is my step-sister Nikki. Nikki, this is my roommate Max. DON’T,” he started as Nikki took a step forward, “bite him.”
What the fuck?
Nikki pouted. “Kill-joy.” With another step, the gremlin was very much in Max’s personal space. “Nice to meet you, Max. I hope Neil doesn’t bore you to death with all his nerd stuff.”
“Thanks, Nikki.”
The girl turned and gave her brother two big thumbs up and a slightly feral grin. “Let me know when you guys are unpacked and we can go grab some food. My roomie is totally boring so I need an excuse to not hang out with her.”
“Glad to be your scapegoat,” Neil said with the tone of someone who had given up on being otherwise. “Now will you go away? You need to unpack too.”
Nikki just shrugged. “I’m basically done, but I’ll give you guys some space.” With a twirl of turquoise, she was marching out the door, sending a small wave and a “See you later!” over her shoulder.
Max didn’t know what else to say but, “I’m starting to see what you meant by having a complicated family.”
Neil bashfully rubbed the back of his neck, as if it was his fault that he got stuck in this situation. “Yeah…” Seeming to need something to do, he turned to the suitcase he’d dragged in with him and heaved it up onto his new bed. “I know she’s a lot, but she’s a good person. Backed me up on more than one occasion when I needed it.” Unzipping the monster of a bag, he let out something that could be a laugh, if you really wanted it to be. “That’s the advantage of having a sister that can and will beat anyone up.” He turned back suddenly to show Max a crooked grin. “Only reason she never got expelled was none of the guys wanted to admit they got their ass handed to them by a girl.”
Max blinked. He had to admit to some grudging respect for that. He found himself looking forward to dinner. “What about you?”
“Huh?” Neil stopped in the middle of pulling books out of the case. “What about me? I never beat anyone up.”
Shocker , Max didn’t say. The guy looked like it wouldn’t take much to snap him in half. “Why were people coming after you then?”
A look of half irritation, half smugness crossed his roommate’s face. “People don’t like being told how stupid they are. They like it even less when you spell out exactly why they’re stupid, and they figure out just enough to know you’re right.” His face went full smug for a second as he added, “Doesn’t make it any less satisfying.”
Oh, these two were interesting.
Maybe Max would survive this year.
Maybe, just maybe , he might even get something out of it.