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Wolfwood absent-mindedly runs his hand over Vash’s Torso feeling the bumps, ridges, and occasional metal of the gunslinger's numerous battlescars.
“Do you even remember how you got all of these?” Nicholas asks, shifting his head on Vash’s chest to better see where he’s touching.
“Yeah, they all have a memory. Somebody I saved. Somebody I failed…” Vash lets the sadness come through in his voice for only a moment before he forces a fake laugh. The kind of laugh and fake smile that never fails to piss off Wolfwood. The kind that makes him want to punch it off of Vash’s stupid face. The kind that reminds him Vash is always performing, even when it’s just them.
“Some of them are just from me being dumb though.” Vash deflects.
“Stop doing that. It’s just me here, and I’m not naive enough to fall for that act,” Wolfwood responds tersely.
“Can’t get anything past you, can I?” Vash sighs.
“No, so stop tryin’. It’s insulting. I’m not gonna run away if you get sad. You actually make me miss Eriks sometimes. Might not have known who the hell I was at first but you didn’t hide as much,” Nicholas admits.
“Eriks didn’t know he has a sixty-billion double-dollar bounty on his head or that he’s responsible for most of humanity’s suffering,” Vash argues. Wolfwood interrupts their cuddling to sit up and look Vash in the eye. Vash grumbles sadly at the loss of contact.
“I’ve told you before that’s not your fault, dumbass. You did all of this --” Wolfwood gestures to Vash’s body for emphasis “to yourself to help a bunch of ungrateful shitheads and you still feel guilty for the crap your brother pulled 150 years ago? It’s fucking stupid. You’re so full of self-hatred it’s actually making you dumb.” Wolfwood complains just a tad too loudly.
“We are not having this argument again. We’re gonna get kicked out of the inn and we’ll never hear the end of it if we interrupt the girls’ sleep after a week on the road,” Vash states definitively.
“Will you lay back down, please? I don’t want to fight. I’d rather just hold you and talk about something that won’t upset us both.” Vash asks in a tone that’s suddenly so soft. Wolfwood hesitates for a moment which prompts Vash to make pleading puppy dog eyes at him. Wolfwood rolls his eyes but settles back into Vash’s side. They’re both silent for a minute as they try not to break the peace again. Wolfwood is the first to speak. He runs a hand over one of the smaller scars on Vash’s chest.
“How’d you get this one?” He asks softly.
“That’s uh… from one of the times I couldn’t save somebody,” Vash replies hesitantly. Wolfwood can tell he isn’t ready to talk about that. Hell, he might not ever be ready, but that’s okay. Wolfwood is just happy Vash isn’t trying to hide that it bothers him.
“How about this one?” Nicholas traces his fingers over a faint scar across Vash’s lower stomach.
“Oh! that’s from my hysterectomy, I’m surprised you even noticed it with how faint it is compared to all the others.” Vash says.
Wolfwood thinks about how much time he’s spent mapping out Vash’s body with his eyes, his hands, his tongue, and wonders how Vash could think any detail of himself could have gone unnoticed; as if Nicholas didn’t study his body with more reverence than he gives the bible. But that’s not something he should say out loud, so instead, he simply replies, “I didn’t know you had a hysterectomy. When did you get that done?”
“Hmm I’d have to say… oh, I don’t remember. About 125 years ago at this point?” Vash responds so plainly as if he didn’t just give Wolfwood whiplash with the reminder of how ancient he is. Vash continues.
“It was right around the time I started going on the run. Dealing with a period is awful in No Man’s Land; I don’t know how the girls do it every month. Plus, I was worried about getting pregnant. I knew it was extremely unlikely, but I couldn’t risk accidentally bringing a kid into this world living the way I do.”
“You were worried about pregnancy? Having lots of unprotected sex back in the day, Grandpa?” Wolfwood jokes. “Should I be worried you gave me prehistoric syphilis or something?” Vash laughs for real this time. The kind of laugh that makes Vash’s belly shake, and Wolfwood’s heart swell.
“No! You asshole! I may have gone through a whore phase but I was always smart about it. I was scared of self-fertilization.” Vash giggles out.
“...Self-ferti-what? That doesn’t sound like a real thing.” Wolfwood scoffs.
“Oh gosh… I forgot that’s weird plant stuff.” Vash replies self-consciously.
“Don’t get all shy on me now, you just told me you had a hysterectomy 125 years ago, and I’ve seen you glow. More than once. I already know you ain’t normal.” Wolfood reasons.
“I suppose so,” Vash concedes.
“When Nai and I were born it just sorta happened spontaneously. One of the plants was just pregnant one day and nobody knew how. Years down the line, when I was living at Home and started going through puberty, I got confused. I got a period like the book Luida gave me said I would, but my voice also dropped and I started putting on more muscle. I wasn’t expecting to grow breasts since most plants don't have them but I was pleasantly surprised by the other stuff. With some urging from Luida and Brad, I let the doctors do all kinds of exams to figure out what was going on with me anatomically.” Vash explains. He pauses to gauge Nicholas’ reaction. Wolfwood rubs Vash’s arm reassuringly, which seems enough to ease his concerns.
“Turns out, I’m sort of intersex. At Least by human standards. I have internal testes, which means male hormones, which is nice. But it also means I might have been able to fertilize my own eggs which is probably how Nai and I were born.” Vash concludes.
“Damn. So, you could have had a clone baby? Glad you didn’t. I can’t imagine a world with two of you running around. I’d go crazy trying to wrangle you both.” Wolfwood replies cheekily.
“You would be lucky to have two of me, thank you very much. And you know that’s not how it works. If it was, Nai, Elendira, and I would all be the same person and you know my natural charisma and devilish good looks are one of a kind,” Vash jokes. Wolfwood huffs in amusement.
“Just keep telling yourself that, Blondie,” Wolfwood responds. Vash kicks him softly, and Wolfwood responds with a light shove. Vash is tempted to tackle him off the bed but decides wrestling on the floor this late at night could earn them complaints from the neighboring rooms. So, instead, he pulls Wolfwood closer.
“Did you always know?” Wolfood asks. “That you were a guy, I mean.”
“No, when Nai and I were born, Rem presumed we were female and raised us that way. It wasn’t until we were nine that we started thinking about gender. I told Rem that we wanted to be boys. Nai interrupted to say we actually are boys and that if Rem disagreed she would be “objectively wrong” because he had a whole book on it he found in the library. I don’t know why he thought she would be opposed to it, Rem was always so supportive of us. She helped us cut our hair and started calling us her sons that day.” Vash recalls fondly.
“Nine years old is pretty young to have that all figured out. It took a lot for me to realize what I wanted,” Wolfwood responds. Vash thinks about how he meant 9 months old not 9 years, but decides he’s already explained enough independent biology for one night.
“When did you realize?” Vash asks.
“Technically I was 10 years old, but it was after the experiments. Before, when I was at the orphanage, I knew I was uncomfortable with being treated like a girl. I never let anybody use my full name, I wouldn’t even respond to it. Nico only. And Miss Melanie could only get me to take boy clothes from the donation piles. I never knew being a boy was a choice though.” He explains.
“And then Connrad did his fucked up experiments and I was suddenly thrown into the body of an adult woman,” Wolfwood grumbles. Vash cringes in sympathy.
“I did not handle it well. I think I tried to rip my breasts off. At that point, Knives got involved. He did the only decent thing he’s ever done and made his doctors medically transition me. Top surgery and hormone implants.” Wolfwood says.
“I’m glad he helped you… but I’m sorry his cult did that to you.”
“You don’t need to apologize for what he did. None of it’s your fault.” Wolfwood reminds him.
“I know. I’m not sure how else to show you I care,” Vash admits.
“This is enough. I know you care because you listen.” Wolfwood snuggles further into Vash’s side.
“... I’m surprised Knives had his doctors do that. When he found out about my hysterectomy he told me I was ‘desecrating my perfect form to resemble an inferior race’.”
“Jesus, that's dark. I guess he doesn’t care if we human scum change our bodies though. He probably figured I'd be more useful if I wasn’t freaking out over my body all the time. Whatever. I’m just glad he knew what being trans was. Most psychotic cult leaders probably would have just told me to get over it.”
“I’m glad he didn’t. You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin. God, you deserve so much more than you’ve been given in this life.” Vash is getting sentimental.
“You going soft on me, Spikey?” Wolfwood teases.
“For you? Always.”