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Michael thought it was pretty ironic if he was being honest. He didn’t want to have sex with anyone yet he was attracted to everyone.
He used to think he was broken, when he was in high school and it was just known that people his age masturbated and he didn’t. He hasn’t had a wet dream before either. He’s had those awkward boners before but he didn’t really do anything at the start but then he realised that sometimes he did have to masturbate to get it to go away. It wasn’t something he did regularly, it was like an itch that he had to scratch.
Then after hours and hours of research when he was 17, he found what he felt. Asexual. And it all made sense. He didn’t experience sexual attraction in anyone, he could obviously tell when someone is good looking but he never had the sexual urges his high school health teacher would say people have.
But he still craved a relationship and it was so fucking confusing for him. He wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone and honestly that’s what a lot of people look for in a relationship. He was romantically attracted to everyone though. He thought he was pansexual for a long time but then discovered the word for romantic attraction, which was simply panromantic.
He didn’t tell people this though. It wasn’t something people understood and was shunned upon in a weird way. He’s told his parents and that’s it. They were confused at first but after Michael told them everything they began to understand what their son exactly was.
He was a virgin and he’s lied and said that he has in fact had sex with his ex-girlfriend – who actually dumped him because he wouldn’t have sex with her. The other boys in the band wouldn’t even expect Michael of all people to be asexual with the amount of dick, balls and sex jokes he makes on a daily basis.
Just because he was asexual doesn’t mean he can make sexual innuendos. He wasn’t sex repulsed like some asexuals are, he was fine with hugging and hand holding unlike some asexuals. He just isn’t interested in having sex. He doesn’t see the big deal about sex if he was honest. He doesn’t get off when he’s alone, he doesn’t get wet dreams like other people nor does he get morning wood. Which can be a big advantage.
Michael remembers there was a time when he was still discovering if his sex drive was ‘broken’ or not and watched porn. He’d overheard that some of the boys in his year level were watching porn and that’s what they masturbated to. So he tried it. It didn’t work, he appreciated it, it was great to watch but he didn’t get all bothered or the need to touch himself. It was like watching a regular movie to him.
At the age of 19, Michael has been considering ‘coming out’ to everyone starting with the band. He’s positive that they’ll be surprised and he’s also quite sure that they would have little to no idea of what asexuality is or that they would get it mixed up with celibacy. Celibacy is a choice where asexuality is his sexual orientation. It’s completely different.
He had been planning exactly when and how he would come out but turns out life had an unexpected turn of events of when it came to Michael coming out.
“You were in the shower for a long time, weren’t you?” Calum teased as Michael exited the bathroom of the hotel they were staying at.
“No longer than usual” Michael frowned slightly. “Was washing my hair and stuff”
“You sure” Luke joined in with a smirk. Michael held the urge to roll his eyes.
“I’m pretty sure I know what I did in the shower” Michael replied shortly. He turned his attention away from his annoying band members in search of some boxers, shorts and a top. He found them, sniffed them quickly, shrugged when they didn’t smell too bad and changed. He could feel the eyes of his bandmates on him so he changed as fast as possible.
“What’s with all the tension in the room?” Ashton asked as he walked in, closing the door behind him. He flopped down onto one of the couches and looked at the others expectantly.
“Michael’s all pissy and needs to get laid” Calum replied cheekily making both Luke and Ashton laugh. Michael rolled his eyes and huffed.
“I do not need to get laid” Michael replied indignantly “Fucking hell”
“Jeez” Ashton laughed “You really do need to get laid”
“I don’t fucking need to get laid!” Michael replied loudly “What’s with all this bullshit?”
“Chill, we’re just teasing” Luke giggled as he looked up from his phone. “When was the last time you got laid?”
“Fuck off” Michael shot back
“Stop being a prude, mate” Calum laughed. Michael huffed once again.
“I’m not a fucking prude!” Michael shouted “I just don’t want to have sex! Fucking hell”
“You don’t want sex?” Ashton commented “Sex is like the best thing ever!”
“I can think of way better things than having sex” he resorted “For example, staying home playing video games, some pizza and beer? Perfect night right there”
“Nah you’ll be jerking off too” Luke put in “Like you just did in the shower”
“Are you all actually fucking with me?” Michael asked with a raised eyebrow.
“You wish someone would be fucking you” Calum joked making everyone but Michael laugh.
“Fuck off!” Michael shouted and threw a stray pair of underpants at him. “I don’t want to have sex nor do I want to masturbate! Why can’t you see what I’m trying to say?”
“Are you serious?” Ashton asked when the laughter died down
“Why would I joke about this?” Michael questioned “I’m asexual?”
“You’re asexual?” Ashton repeated. Michael could hear the laughter behind it.
“Yes”
“You sure?” Ashton asked
“100%”
“What the fuck is asexual” Luke put in.
“Michael doesn’t like sex” Ashton replied
“That’s not it, Ashton” Michael crossed his arms “I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone, just romantic”
It took ages to explain what asexuality and panromantic actually was to Ashton, Luke and Calum as they kept interrupting with questions.
Does that mean you haven’t had sex?
“I’m a virgin”
But you said you had sex with your ex?”
“I lied”
Do you get aroused like normal people?”
“I am normal! All my bits work I just don’t get aroused!”
Wait does being asexual also mean you don’t get off?
“Well I’ve masturbated like twice in my life because of those awkward boners that wouldn’t go away but I haven’t done that for like 5 or 6 years”
Are you sure you’re not a prude?
“Luke! I’m not a prude! It’s my sexual orientation!”
So when asexual people say ‘Netflix and chill’ they actually mean ‘Netflix and chill’?
“Well yeah”
“I would have never guessed that Michael Clifford is asexual” Calum laughed “You make so many sex and dick jokes”
“I’m not sex repulsed dickhead” Michael grumbled kicking Calum in the side. “I just don’t want to have sex”
It wasn’t for a couple of months that Michael decided to come out to the fans. He had been hinting at getting a new tattoo for a while now and now that they had some time off, it was the perfect opportunity to get it done.
The tattoo parlour wasn’t crowded when he opened the door. There were designs all over the walls and the faint sound of buzzing from the back rooms.
He walked up to the desk where a guy with a body full of tattoos and facial piercings was writing in a book. The guy glanced up and smiled.
“You have an appointment, mate?” he asked and Michael nodded. “Name?”
“Michael Clifford”
“Yup, right on time” the man replied “The name’s Scott, if you’ll follow me to the back, we’ll get started”
Michael sat in the chair and rested his arm on the table connected to the arm of the chair.
“I gather you want it on your arm?” Scott asked
“Eh my wrist like on the side near my thumb?” Michael tried to explain.
“So, here?” Scott pointed to a spot.
“Yeah right there”
“Awesome” Scott moved to a desk on the side of the room and got a piece of paper. “Did you have a design in mind?”
“Yes, actually” Michael paused “A yin yang symbol”
“That’s easy!” Scott replied “Don’t even need to draw a design for this”
Michael leant back into the chair as Scott began to draw the tattoo on his skin before getting the inks ready.
“So, does the yin yang symbol mean anything to you?” Scott conversed
“Yeah, it’s me, I’m a walking yin yang symbol” Michael explained
“Care to elaborate on that?”
“Well I’m an asexual panromantic” Michael began “I don’t want to have sex with anyone but I’m romantically attracted to everyone”
“That’s pretty sick, mate” Scott grinned “Lot of people just get the yin yang because of the good in the bad and the bad in the good thing”
When Michael got home, he showed the others his new tattoo which they seemed to like. He took out his phone and unwrapped the plastic so he could snap a clear photo before uploading it to Instagram.
‘New tattoo! This tattoo means a lot to me because of what it symbolises to me. I’m finally confident enough to say this to everyone and I’m proud to say that I am asexual and panromantic. I’m not sexually attracted to anyone but am romantically attracted to everyone. I hope you all accept my sexuality! Love you all’
“I’m proud of you Mikey” Calum said to him later that night as they cuddled on the couch.
“You are?” Michael asked glancing up at Calum.
“Course I am” Calum looked slightly offended at the thought that Michael thought he wasn’t proud. “You’re my best friend”
“I’m proud of me too” Michael spoke quietly “Asexuality isn’t seen as a real thing a lot of the time even by other queer people”
“So you are queer? Sorry I’m still getting used to all the terms” Calum blushed lightly
“Yeah, I’m queer. I like everyone, boy or girl” Michael paused “Or no gender”
“I think I’m queer too” Calum spoke up after a few minutes of silence. Michael leaned up to get a better look at his best friend.
“You think?” Michael asked “Wasn’t expecting that at all to be honest”
“That’s how I felt when you told us you were ace” Calum teased poking Michael in the side causing him to squirm. “But I don’t think I’m gay or like bisexual? I’ve never felt this way before.
“You could be like demisexual?” Michael suggested “Where you’re attracted to someone after you form a close bond with them?”
Calum thought for a minute, Michael could almost hear the thoughts going through his best friend’s mind.
“Yeah” Calum breathed out “That sounds about right. Hey”
“What?” Michael asked
“If you’re asexual, does that mean you don’t like kissing?” Calum asked. Michael thought about it.
“Sometimes? Because kissing can be very romantic but then it can also be sexual in certain situations” he replied slowly.
“Is it okay if I kiss you now?” Calum blushed.
Michael looked at Calum in the eye. How nervous he looked, eyes not meeting Michael’s. Michael smiled and leaned forward to press his lips against Calums. It felt good, it wasn’t sexual, it was romantic and it felt right.
“I didn’t kiss you” Calum pouted “You kissed me instead”
“You can kiss me now if you like” Michael smiled and when Calum leaned in, he did too. And it was everything.
“Do you want to Netflix and chill where we actually watch Netflix and eat a load of crap?” Calum asked as both boys pulled back.
“That is like my dream”