Chapter Text
While everybody was too busy picking up the cameras and smartphones and tripods — and the guys had long gone to change their clothes and prep to leave — Masakado was standing in front of the whiteboard, his eyes following the black words written there.
Nervousness.
ソワソワ
He had been the first one to throw that word, and yet... Why was it coming back to bite him in the ass?
ソワソワ キンチョー
Seiya-kun didn’t understand him, couldn’t read in those words how Masakado had been nervously patient, feeling anxious while waiting, and enduring their situation with a restless and patient demeanor. He had completely missed Masakado’s inner struggle, and instead he had simply…
Respect.
Was he serious? Was that all there was between them?
Of course, I respect all the members.
It might just be the first time in his life Masakado truly hated not having any particularity like the rest of the other boys, like the rest of his bandmates, like Seiya-kun.
Was he such an average Joe in Seiya-kun’s life that he had nothing to say about him?
His feelings for Masakado weren’t even big enough to occupy a somehow reasonable space on the board. Of course, why would they? Right?
He was just another member.
Masakado dragged his index finger over the red lines he had marked, angry at himself for desperately wanting to highlight such average feelings. Angrier at Seiya-kun for not even noticing it.
He swept the words he had written, one by one, trace by trace, knowing all too well he couldn’t erase what just had happened with the same ease. Not that he would want to. Well, maybe he did. Or he didn’t, after all. Or maybe...
Ugh! Not even that was clear enough for him to... to… to… Well, to be sure of anything, really.
He must be some sort of masochist deep inside, because he wasn’t capable of erasing the black, tiny words Seiya-kun had written just as simply as he had done with his own. He even grabbed his phone and sneakily took a picture of them, watching left and right to make sure nobody would see him.
And then, he placed his index finger over that last katakana ト, ready to…
“Are you planning to tease me with that?”
Masakado jumped, startled.
It was the first time he heard Seiya using his high-pitched voice in such a soft way, like a gentle whisper.
As if they were sharing a… secret…
“Or are you planning to blackmail me?” Seiya-kun’s eyes, that had narrowed to crinkled slits, soon turned into an amused gaze. One that was expecting Masakado to join the fun and maybe poke some fun back at him. One that softened and wondered — and maybe feared — why the other hadn’t.
One that Masakado had totally missed, as he had turned his back on Seiya-kun and was once again facing the whiteboard instead.
Maybe he should just erase the whole damned thing once and for all, and change clothes like the others. Or he could simply leave it to the staff-san for them to clean the mess Seiya-kun had caused with some short words. Or he could...
“Not like you said anything particular about me I could blackmail you with.”
Or he could just act as a petty brat out of the blue.
Masakado caught himself saying those words as if somebody else were puppeteering with his body, forcing him to say things he normally wouldn’t.
Realization struck him like a flash. His eyes would have popped out of their sockets in that second if not because they’re glued to his face through nerves and all kinds of other things.
He turned around in another uncontrollable reaction, palms already facing Seiya-kun in a gesture seeking for peace despite the quick motion. When had he even raised his hands, seriously?
“Seiya-kun, listen, I didn’t...”
What was he supposed to say? He didn’t what exactly? Mean it? He couldn’t possibly tell such a big lie! That was exactly what he had meant!! That, and a couple of more things. Such as how Seiya-kun never answered the question. And how it broke his heart hearing Masakado had gone from just being a good guitar player kid to then being Kojima’s set to simply being a member that Seiya-kun respected. Or how he hated himself for simultaneously running away and trying to lure the truth out of Seiya-kun’s lips with such a pathetic attempt at an answer. Or... or... or...
“It’s just a joke.” He could even muster a smile, though he didn’t have the skill to make it reach his eyes.
But well, where’s the lie?
Everything related to Seiya-kun just felt like such a stupid, big joke right now.
“Now, if you excuse me...”
He fled to the closest office, the one the staff-san had turned into a changing room for that day’s filming. Nobody was there, but he was too agitated to even be surprised by the fact. Seiya-kun must be thinking he’s an idiot.
“Or maybe he’s just not thinking anything about me,” he muttered to himself. Or rather spat in anger. “Just as he had been doing all along.”
The puppeteer that had made him blurt those words at Seiya-kun was back at it, turning his flood of thoughts into increasingly higher-pitched angry whispers that began hurting his throat. Or was it his ears?
He tugged at his shirt and grabbed his chest, where he supposed his heart laid painfully.
“Seiya-kun had been thinking nothing of me...”
Respect.
“Seiya-kun just considers me another member...”
Of course, I respect all the members.
“We’re just mere workmates. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Masakado, are you okay?”
“How could I, if everything you do is run away from me?”
“But you were the one who ran away just now...”
“THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN!”
Masakado turned around and, this time, his anger faded away to make room for surprise to take over. He had been so out of himself that he had mistaken his recollections of Seiya-kun’s voice with Seiya-kun himself, who was right there and then. Facing him. Struck. Body glued to his position by the door. Huge, round eyes blinking uncontrollably and mouth slightly parted. Possibly by surprise.
Masakado’s brain was overworking, trying to piece together every bit of information.
What the hell had just happened!?
Nothing more and nothing less than his confession, that's what happened.
His lungs were overworking to get some air into his body. His shallow breathing didn't get enough oxygen to his brain. That's gotta be what happened; his odd behavior had no other plausible explanation.
More so because, instead of taking things back and apologizing for saying weird stuff suddenly, Masakado just had to come and double down.
"Can't you see I like you?" he blurted out, his voice reaching a painfully higher tone, screeching his own ears.
It wasn’t a choice he made, truth be told. Nothing that day had been his choice to begin with.
He had been happily filling out his relationship chart, mentioning all the names of Johnny's he's had contact with, telling stories and anecdotes his fans would love. He had thought beforehand what things to include and had even rehearsed some parts of it to ensure his fans would have the most enjoyable experience. But then...
Masakado clenched his fists at his sides, remembering how Leader had turned his entire world upside-down just to poke some fun at him and Seiya-kun. He didn't hate KojiKen — never have, and he doubted he ever would — but this was beyond a funny video on YouTube. This was about Seiya, the one person he had never quite figured out how to handle but had fallen for a long time ago.
The air between them grew heavy with tension, each second stretching out like an eternity. Masakado’s heart hammered in his chest, and his words had left an echoing silence in the room. He wished he could take it all back, pretend he had never spoken those words, but they hung there, suspended in the charged atmosphere.
Seiya’s gaze was locked on him, his expression a mix of bewilderment and something else Masakado couldn’t quite decipher. The seconds continued to tick by, and the weight of the moment pressed down on them both. What had he done? This wasn’t how he had envisioned any of this. But then again, Masakado was never quite good at envisioning Seiya’s reactions accurately.
Just as Masakado’s nerves were about to get the better of him and he was ready to turn on his heel and run away like he always did when things got too complicated, Seiya’s features shifted. The confusion seemed to ebb away, replaced by a trace of something... thoughtful. Masakado’s pulse raced, recognizing that familiar look. He had seen it before, during practice — when Seiya-kun tackled intricate melodies or was figuring out a challenging choreography — and in the dressing room, where he pondered over lyrics, lost in thought.
Seiya’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, his lips parting slightly. He blinked a few times before stammering out, “Wait, what? You... like me? Like, really like me?” His tone reflected genuine confusion, as if the idea was taking him completely off guard.
“Yes.“
Seiya’s cheeks tinted with a faint blush as he scratched the back of his head, a hint of something akin to a shy smile forming. “Oh, um... I didn’t expect that.” He chuckled nervously, his voice slightly softer. “I mean, I never thought you’d... like me like that.”
Then, Seiya’s lips did the impossible and curled into a faint, almost uncertain smile.
Masakado had already given up on the idea that he could get over his feelings for Seiya, but now he was certain he was falling even harder for the other. Just because of that expression directed at him.
“You know, I’ve been trying to read you for the longest time, and now you are dropping something like this on me?” Seiya chimed in.
Masakado’s stomach did a somersault. He didn’t know how to react. What did that smile mean? Was it amusement? Or maybe disbelief?
Seiya took a step closer, closing the gap between them. “You could’ve just said something, you know? No need for all this drama.”
Masakado’s heart raced even faster. Seiya’s words were a mix of teasing and something more tender. He felt a warmth spreading through him, but his mind was still racing, his thoughts a jumble of emotions and fears. This wasn’t how he had imagined it would go. And yet, Seiya’s presence right in front of him was undeniable, grounding him at the moment.
“I didn’t know how to,” Masakado mumbled, his voice barely audible.
“Well, anything would have been better than causing a scene in the office while the staff-san cleaned up,” Seiya quipped. Masakado turned his head just in time to catch Seiya’s teasing smile. Seiya-kun wasn’t mad at him, that was obvious, but Masakado knew there was no lie in what he had said. He shouldn’t have let emotions take the best of him.
But, at that moment, Masakado was just too happy knowing Seiya-kun didn’t hate him after all.
"You like me, huh?" Seiya slumped down on a close chair, as if realization suddenly weighed down on him. The realization that Masakado actually liked him in a romantic way. “I... really didn’t know. Since when-?"
Masakado couldn’t hear the rest of the question because, at that moment and against all odds, the rest of Ae! group came looking for them.
"Aw~ Our double center are finally bonding over," Kojima chirped in a teasing tone, holding his hands to his heart as if touched by the scene. “If that’s the case, I don’t regret mentioning their awkward relationship in today’s recording!”
"They grow so fast," Taisei added up, wiping out a single imaginary teardrop. He paid extra attention to Suezawa’s reaction, as usual, not wanting to get on Mad Dog's bad side.
When Seiya didn't glare at him or even flinched, Fukumoto joined Richard by the door. Richa had been stooped the moment he walked in, as if the awkwardness from the group’s centers had solidified and smacked him in the face upon entering. Taisei could also feel it — just then — and didn't know how to react.
God bless Leader in those times. The guy seemed oblivious to everything happening around him and helped move things along for them to be ready for the van to take them back home.
Squeezed inside a van with other 4 guys besides the driver, Masakado didn’t have the courage to continue their conversation.