Chapter Text
Deep in the woods, farthest he had ever been to the Capital’s structure and order, Coriolanus Snow feels the most vulnerable he has ever been in his whole unfortunate life. Though it's quite foolish because no one could hurt him here, it’s just him, the trees and Lucy Gray Baird. No one could hurt him–except this frail girl beside him, who, with her delicate hands could crush his heart he unknowingly offered to her. Coriolanus would be so glad to have it back, but until he figures out how, she is to take responsibility.
Looking at his dirty shoes, It still puzzled Coriolanus how he allowed himself to reach this level of disgrace. Not long ago, money and power was at his fingertips, so close he could almost seize it, and yet it was stolen from him once again. Now here he is, dressed in worn out clothes and too big shoes, running from a crime the capitol should've really thanked him for instead. He had stopped a revolution for god’s sake!
“Isn't this great Coryo? Were finally getting away from everything, from all that murder” Lucy Gray finally chimes in. She had been unusually quiet the whole trip but her presence had been enough to keep Coriolanus sane, though she was not enough to distract him from the pulsing pain in his right leg. “Three’s enough for me.” He answered absentmindedly, dazed from the absurdity of the situation.
He supposed, at the very least, Lucy Gray is here with him, he hadn’t entirely lost. Not the victory he hoped, but a victory nonetheless.
“Who's the third one?”
shit.
How stupid! How utterly stupid! Coriolanus Snow doesn't make mistakes, much less stupid ones. But here he is dumbfounded on how to answer his too-perceptive-for-his-liking little songbird. What can he say, what does she want to hear, so she pardons him.
It took Coriolanus a second and a half to think of a lie, lying is what he does best, for sure, he can lie his way out of this one. He would say—the third one was his old self, he killed him to be with her, a noble story of love. He was not one to be poetic, not like Lucy Gray who has music in her bones and rhythm in her steps, but he would try. Just like the rose he gave her, Coriolanus will tell her just one harmless white lie.
It’s that easy.
Except there is this gnawing feeling she would never believe him. She would catch him in his flowery lies and cut the bud as quickly as he uttered them. He knew her well, more than she realized, though less than he likes, but he knew enough that lying would never work on her. Lucy Gray was like him in this way, of how well she reads people, always watching with those wide beautiful dark eyes of hers.
So in less than a second more, he decided to tell the truth. “I had been the one to rat Sejanus out,” It was a risk–to lay all his cards out like this, but their relationship had been built on risk and thrill so maybe this alternative would work.
Lucy Gray did say trust was everything to her, so trust her he will. “I didn’t mean to, I swear! I had thought his father would buy him out of the trouble as he always did, I never meant for him to be killed.” Coriolanus spewed out before she could even recover from the shock of him confessing.
It was true, everything he is telling Lucy Gray. Sejanus was always saved by the riches of his family, Coriolanus failed to see why he wouldn't be saved once more. Another mistake on his part he concludes, straight up revolution was off the table for even the spoiled Sejanus it seems. Nothing he could do about that. Next time he would be more careful.
“He still died Coriolanus! No matter what you thought would happen instead.” Lucy Gray spat, her words sharper than he is used to. “He was your friend, or at least he thought of you as one, yet you threw him to the wolves!”
“What else can I do? He was going to get caught eventually, if I hadn't been the one to tell him, I would have been right there beside him. Hanged.” Coriolanus exasperates, desperate for her to understand he really had no choice.
Lucy Gray steps back for a bit, as if physically shaken by the news. This alarms Coriolanus, suddenly he realizes she is thinking of running away, of leaving him behind, maybe even ratting him out to a peacekeeper. She would save her skin just like how he did with Sejanus and while he couldn’t blame her, he wouldn’t just sit down and watch.
Coriolanus grabs her arms, eyes pleading. “Lucy Gray please,” he muses, voice truly weak and cracking it surprises him. “I had no choic—hey, come on look at me.”
Lucy Gray whips her head to meet his gaze, and he could see the million thoughts running through her head calculating her next move. Coriolanus wanted to look away, does she through his eyes as well? Can she see all of his secrets?
“How long?” Lucy Gray asks, eyes still on him.
“What?” Coriolanus was genuinely confused, she was speaking vaguely again.
“You betrayed your only friend, how long would it take for you to discard me as well?” she continues, voice calmer.
Things finally clicked in Coriolanus’ head. His little songbird was a survivor among all else, she had just not realized she was more special to him than that spoiled rich boy who stuck to him like gum. She is different, Lucy Gray had nothing to worry about.
“Lucy Gray, I did all the things I did to save us. You and me? We're a team. Everything was for us, for you. Nothing else would matter if you’re not beside me. Believe me, I never lied to you then and even now.” He spat words one after another, each with heavy breaths.
“Just—just give me a moment to think.” Lucy Gray said, gently breaking free from Coriolanus’ grasp. Just when he was about to protest, rain had started to pour. They quickly ran for shade.
“The cabin is nearby, we could stay there to rest. Until the rain stops.” Coriolanus suggests buying more time for him to convince her. He just needed to make Lucy Gray see and remember that he is not the enemy here.
——
It was a quiet walk to the cabin. No one dared to speak. All Lucy Gray could hear was the rain, their footsteps, and her frantic heartbeat, it made a tune she would have appreciated on a better day. On second thought, it was not quiet at all, she decided.
While she does not show it, Lucy Gray is terrified for her life. The games will never leave her it seems. She will always have to fight to survive, only this time her enemy is the boy she decided she would trust and love. How foolish she was that Coriolanus Snow was an exception to the capital’s cruelty and selfishness, though somewhat she was blameless as she did not expect that their love story would continue outside the arena’s walls.
The things Lucy Gray does to survive
Finally reaching the cabin, Coriolanus broke the silence. “I think I'll do some fishing.”
Lucy Gray blinks for a second, amazed at how he can act like everything is alright, like he didn’t just confess he had been the reason for Sejanus’ death. “There’s some rods down there.” Lucy Gray suggests him, voice even, surprisingly calm.
Coriolanus crouched down to the floor, lifting up the panels. Lucy Gray only quietly watched, calculating even the tiniest movements, and right now he was suspiciously still. “What’s the matter?” she asks.
Slowly, Coriolanus turns to her, with clanging fishing rods don't usually make. “They’re here.”
“The guns you used to kill Mayfair.” She states when she finally gets a view at what dumbfounded Coriolanus so much. Lucy Gray’s survival instincts kicked in, realizing Coriolanus would likely not hesitate to use that very gun again, on her this time instead.
“They knew about the cabin—brought them here.” Lucy Gray was truly a performer, she amazes herself for staying calm, feet flat to the ground even with shaking knees, good thing the skirt of her dress hides it well.
“If we get rid of that you could be free, nothing will link you to the murder.” She verbalizes what she is sure Coriolanus is thinking right now, maybe to remind him that they were still on the same side—at least make him think that.
“No more loose ends.” He exclaims, eyes set on something far ahead.
‘except me.’ Lucy Gray thinks, the words unuttered.
“We could go back to 12, or even to the Capitol—we could go back home Lucy Gray.” Maybe this was his idea of keeping her silent, she can’t talk if she’s always within his
reach.
Coriolanus steps closer to her, gun still on hand, fingers close to the trigger. Lucy Gray knows he was trained to always hold guns like that, beaten into him for months. Likely, he hadn't even given it a second thought, but that doesn’t stop Lucy Gray from stepping back, keeping their distance.
Trust is the most important thing for Lucy Gray and it seems they have none for each other right now. Lucy Gray with her cautious eyes and Coriolanus Snow with his fingers near the trigger. In hindsight, they never truly trusted each other, it hadn’t mattered two weeks ago when they were clouded with the air of newly found love.
Love.
Lucy Gray isn't even sure if what they have is love. Or at least, if it is the good kind, nothing good can ever come out of the games.
“Coriolanus, the capitol isn't my home” She tries to reason with him. “I won't be free there, not like I am here.”
“Well 12 isn't you home either, home is when we’re together is it not?” ‘That should go both ways you selfish asshole.’ she wanted to say but Lucy Gray felt it's more important for her to not anger him than to get a quick jab.
Coriolanus knots his eyebrows, genuinely confused why she would choose to stay. “You can still do as you please in the Capitol—You'll be free there, I’ll take care of you Lucy Gray. “
“Just go if you must leave, I’m not cut out for Capitol life Coryo. Go and do what you need to do, and i'll watch and see from afar okay?” Lucy Gray finally stepped closer to him, assessing he isn't much of a threat right now, at least not to her life. She won’t be of much use as a dead body, if he wishes to bring her to the capitol
“Where would you go? The mayor is foolish, emotional. He’d kill you, only to satisfy his guilt. Up north then? There’s no life for you out there Lucy Gray, not alone. You’ll either starve or get eaten by who knows what.” There he goes again, thinking she cannot survive without him. A month ago in the games, Lucy Gray used this to her advantage, found it helpful even.
“I'll live. I have been until now.”
She isn't really sure, it is too much of a risk to go back and she fears how life will be up north, what will be waiting for her? Going with Coriolanus really was the safest bet— which isn't really saying a lot.
Him or inevitable death. Not much of a choice here.
Coriolanus finally lowers the gun, realizing she is firm in her choice. With both hands, he cups her face, a gesture far too familiar for Lucy Gray as she couldn’t stop herself from melting from it, as she always did. This reminds her of how safe Coriolanus makes her feel. He really does love her, in his own, messed up way,
“I need you Lucy Gray—please. Come with me, the capitol isn't so bad, there we won't be constantly fighting to survive, no need to save stale bread for later. I’ll take care of you.” he repeats, only this time more convincing. For a second Lucy Gray thinks of the luxury she would indulge in in the capitol if she was a little more selfish. She’d sleep in silk, eat to her heart’s content, never needing to worry if she would live another day tomorrow.
It’s tempting, really. Much more as she looks at Coriolanus’ pleading eyes. Much—much more when he feels his shaking hands against her skin. “What about the Covey-“ Lucy Gray is grasping at straws, anything to keep her from saying yes.
“They’ll live, they have been until now.” Coriolanus echoes her words, knowing well how to get her.
“You love me right?” She asked, knowing full well the answer.
He nods. “I would do anything for you.” This, she believes.
Lucy Gray was a weak girl with a strong instinct for self preservation. She could only nod, heart heavy. Was she scared of going back to 12? Scared of the unknown up north? Or was she scared of the boy in front of her ,who is promising the world to her?
As Coriolanus embraces her, she remembers the day of the reaping. Her name had been picked and called again.