Work Text:
June, 2014
“Shit” Hoseok looks at the sky, at the rain pouring. Taehyung does the same, and all he can see is the dark night sky and the rain, making all lights look blurry. “Crap, we need to get to practice.”
“Can we wait a little bit?” Taehyung frowns because it’s raining a lot, like, a lot. And he knows that they’ll be soaked the moment they step foot on the street.
“We definitely can’t, our comeback is in two months, we need to be perfect.” Hoseok talks very seriously because of course Hoseok wants it to be perfect. They have to be perfect if they want to survive this idol world.
Taehyung is honestly not sure if he himself wants to survive this world because there are a lot of things about being an idol that Taehyung honestly hates. But what Taehyung is very sure about is that he wants their hyungs and Jungkook to be happy, to show their hard work to the world, so he will work the hardest always, and be the best version of himself. Because BTS deserves to be famous and big. All of them.
Especially Hoseok.
Taehyung would give anything in the world to see his Hoseok-hyung happy.
“Let’s run, then” Taehyung opens his best boxy smile, the one that always makes everyone smile. “We can get there quick enough.”
“I guess” Hoseok sighs, taking off his jacket, putting it on Taehyung’s shoulders, and putting the hood over his head. “Here, try to cover yourself so you don’t get a cold, huh?”
“Hyung!” Taehyung protests because he doesn’t want Hoseok to get a cold, even though his jacket smells like vanilla, just like Hoseok always does, and Taehyung loves his scent more than he loves any scent in the world. Taehyung could drown on Hoseok’s jacket and he would die happily. “What about you?!”
“Our Taetae is more important” Hoseok smiles and hugs Taehyung quickly, holding his hand when they separate. “On three. One.”
“Two.”
“Three!” they yell at the same time.
They run.
They run as fast as they can, but the rain is too strong, and before they reach the end of the street, Taehyung feels his shoe, sock and feet completely soaked. His jeans are heavier than ever, and so is Hoseok’s jacket. But Hoseok’s hand on his hand holds Taehyung firmly, and while they run, Taehyung can’t help his laugh.
When they arrive, four blocks later, they are dripping water all over the place.
“What the fuck” Sungdeuk says the moment they enter the practice room. “Did you two just come out from a pool?”
“We stopped to buy some snacks and the rain started” Hoseok pants, tired, still holding Taehyung’s hand. “We didn’t want to be late for practice, so we came running.”
“I see” Sungdeuk sighs, going to a locker and taking two faded-blue towels. “Here, dry yourself as best as you can. I’ll see if I find some dry clothes for you.”
Hoseok takes both towels and, still holding Taehyung’s hand, they both go to the bathroom. They silently start to take off their clothes, both getting on their underwear and drying themselves. Someone knocks on the door, and Taehyung runs to answer, getting the company’s clothes that Sungdeuk managed to get them. Still silently, they put the clothes on, ready to go back to the practice room and rehearse for the rest of the day.
“Come here” Hoseok says before they can leave the bathroom.
When Taehyung gets close enough, Hoseok throws the towel over his head, drying his hair better. Taehyung laughs, letting Hoseok take care of him, and thanks his hyung for his effort in trying to keep his hairstyle tidy after the mess.
"Now let's rehearse."
They leave the bathroom together, and automatically, Taehyung's hand holds Hoseok's. He smiles when he notices that Hoseok doesn't let go.
August, 2015
“So…?” Jimin looks at him, anxious.
“I confessed” Taehyung takes a deep breath, folds the umbrella.
“And…?” Jimin chooses a table so they can finally sit. He looks like he’s about to pass out, which is funny, because Taehyung should be feeling like this. He kind of is.
“And he kissed me” his voice is barely a whisper, but Jimin hears him very well. So well that he yells a ‘yeah!’ and everybody in the restaurant looks at them. They both bow, apologizing, before sitting together at the chosen table.
They choose the cheapest lamen, the bigger one so they can share. It’s all they can afford at the moment. Jimin gets closer to Taehyung, because more than never, they have to whisper to each other so no one can hear whatever they’re talking about.
“And what happens now? Did hyung say something?”
“Only that–” Taehyung’s face gets hotter, red. He tries not to smile when he remembers Hoseok’s words from hours earlier. “Only that he feels the same about me and… Maybe we should try to be together.”
“ Oh my God! ” Jimin holds his own chest, eyes sparkling. “I can’t believe you’ll be officially Hoseok’s boyfriend!”
“Shut up!” Taehyung looks around, but nobody is paying attention to them. “We don’t know that yet. We need to talk to the entire group, especially Namjoon-hyung…”
“They’ll approve” Jimin shrugs. He sounds so sure that, for a quick second, Taehyung dares to believe him.
“I really hope so.”
Taehyung looks at the window, not able to see anything else because the rain is too strong. He takes a deep breath and thinks about the way Hoseok held his waist, about how they kissed each other for the first time – at least, first time for real –, and how good it all felt. How much Hoseok is an excellent kisser and how Taehyung hopes he can kiss him more and more… And more and more.
He knows his face is all red because soon Jimin is laughing at him.
September, 2016
The rain isn't heavy, but every drop seems to cut Taehyung's skin. Maybe it's not because of the rain, but because of the day. The week. The month. Each new drop that falls on Taehyung's skin feels as heavy as the tears he's shed in the last few days.
It's been almost three weeks since he got the news, and Taehyung didn't believe that after this time he would be less sad, but at least he had hope that he would no longer be crying over the loss of his grandmother.
The good thing about sitting on the ground, in the rain, is that his tears get lost among the raindrops. No one will see that, once again, Taehyung can't stop crying over his loss. Maybe if he was physically closer to her, maybe if he had had time in the last year to be present in her life, Taehyung wouldn't have such a strong feeling of guilt inside his chest.
Taehyung barely moves when he feels someone sitting down next to him. He doesn't need to look to know who it is. Taehyung just stays silent while Hoseok sits down and then rests his head on Taehyung's shoulder. The youngest wants to cry even more, but he just puts his arm around Hoseok's waist, squeezing him in a hug, and continues looking nowhere specific.
“I’m so sorry,” Hoseok whispers, his voice even lower due to the sound of the rain. "I'm really sorry, Taetae."
“It’s no one’s fault,” Taehyung says because deep down, he knows it’s the truth. It doesn't matter if, in the last few days, guilt is all he feels. "She lived a good life."
"She did" Hoseok also wraps his arms around Taehyung's waist, trying to tighten the hug between them.
"Will this pain ever go away, hyung?"
"I think the pain of losing someone we love never really goes away, but we learn to live with it" Hoseok lifts his head from Taehyung's shoulder so he can face him. "That's what happens when a person's memory stops making you cry and becomes your sad smile."
Taehyung puts his hand on Hoseok's wet face because what a beautiful face. What a face Taehyung loves so much. He wishes he had the time to introduce Hoseok to his grandmother. Properly introduce him, not just as Taehyung’s bandmate, but as his beloved boyfriend. Taehyun can pretend she wouldn’t think it’s weird, a man dating another. He can pretend that everything would be just beautiful.
“I love you, hyung” Taehyung whispers. He didn’t get to say it enough to his grandmother, but he’ll never make the same mistake again. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, my baby” Hoseok brings their lips together in a lovely kiss. “And I’ll always be by your side.”
May, 2017
"Coming!" Taehyung screams as he turns off the shower, grabs the white towel just to wrap it around his waist and runs to the door, dripping water everywhere in the hotel room.
"Taetae" Hoseok smiles and looks at Taehyung's body from head to toe, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "Did I interrupt your shower?"
"Yes" Taehyung says a little breathlessly after the little rush. "Come inside!"
In a quick gesture, Taehyung grabs Hoseok's hand and pulls him into the room, locking the door. Hoseok lets out a surprised ‘huff!’ , but quickly follows Taehyung into the bathroom.
“Have you taken a shower yet, hyung?” Taehyung asks when they enter, taking off the towel that is covering him and standing completely naked in front of Hoseok. It's barely been half an hour since they returned from the restaurant after attending – and winning an award at – the Billboard Music Awards, and Hoseok is still wearing his previous clothes, still slightly wet from the rain they got when moving from building to car, so Taehyung guesses the answer is no.
"Not yet" Hoseok proves Taehyung right, without actually looking in the younger's direction. Taehyung rolls his eyes; It's not like Hoseok hasn't seen and touched every part of Taehyung's body before.
"Then take off your clothes and come with me."
"Tae–"
"Quick, hyung!" Taehyung laughs at Hoseok's complaints as he heads back under the shower, turning on the warm water, sighing happily at the way his muscles seem grateful for the relaxation.
It takes less than a minute for the shower door to open again and Hoseok walks in, also completely naked, heading straight under the shower so they can share the water. Taehyung quickly grabs Hoseok's waist and brings him closer, and opens a sweet smile.
"Hi, hyung."
"Hi, Taetae" Hoseok says before wrapping his arms around Taehyung's neck and pulling him into a sweet, calm kiss.
They take a calm shower, Taehyung making a point of washing Hoseok's hair and helping him soap his back, and Hoseok doing the exact same to him, as they are so used to. Despite having two bath towels in the room, unfortunately there weren't two bathrobes left, so Taehyung does what he thinks is the best plan: he puts on his bathrobe and pulls Hoseok into a tight hug, closing them both inside the robe.
They have some difficulty walking, but soon they fall onto the bed and the robe opens, leaving them both free to crawl under the sheets.
“Today was an intense day” Hoseok says with a tired sigh. "I never dreamed this could happen to us."
"Me neither" Taehyung's fingers play with Hoseok's bare waist, drawing meaningless lines, going back and forth across his boyfriend's skin. "But honestly, hyung? We deserve it."
“We do” Hoseok smiles, agreeing. "You deserve all the good things in the world, Taetae. And I'm going to do my best to help you get everything you deserve. I promise."
"Shut up" Taehyung laughs, and grabs Hoseok's waist, pulling him into a long kiss, so full of love that angels must probably be singing around them, hearts are exploding everywhere. They certainly redefined love. Love itself envies them.
"I love you so much" Hoseok says when they break the kiss, without, however, moving away, their faces and lips still touching.
“I love you more” Taehyung says before pulling Hoseok in for more and more kisses, lulled by the sound of the heavy rain hitting the hotel’s room window.
Being in love with Jung Hoseok is amazing.
January, 2018
“Snow is just frozen rain” Hodseok says, looking attentively at the window, his mug of hot chocolate safely in his hand.
“Are you sure?” Taehyung laughs and pulls his chair closer to Hoseok’s.
Yeontan is peacefully resting on Hoseok’s lap. He’s still so small, so delicate. Taehyung already loves the puppy with all his heart, he feels so much happier with the little fur ball by his side most of the time. And he loves the way Hoseok also already loves him so much. It’s cliché, but Taehyung is someone in love, and people in love are usually very cliché, so Taehyung is very happy that the two most important beings in his life get along so well.
“Of course I’m not sure” Hoseok smiles and looks at Taehyung, eyebrows raised. “What do you think?”
“Hmm…” Taehyung ponders a little. He looks outside through the window. The ground is all white, covered in snow because last night they had the first storm of the year. It’s honestly very beautiful, and Taehyung’s inner child screams for him to go out and play in the snow. “I think they are pieces of clouds.”
“Clouds?” Hoseok laughs, holding his sweet smile.
“Yes, clouds that lived so long that now they need a new life. They got tired of crying, and they decided to live a new life.”
Hoseok stops smiling, but his eyes hold so much fondness that it’s crazy. “Do you think the clouds are happy this way?”
With a giggle, Taehyung holds one of Hoseok’s hands and kisses it. “Happier than ever.”
October, 2019
“It’s ok. I understand.”
It’s not ok. Taehyung does not understand.
“I’m so sorry, Taetae” Taehyung wishes Hoseok didn’t sound so sweet. That he never called him Taetae again. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t keep being a shitty boyfriend to you, and I can’t keep hurting myself like I’ve been doing.”
Hoseok was never a shitty boyfriend, never in his life, but Taehyung understands where he comes from. Since Boy With Luv , their lives have been crazy. With their tour, everything got worse. And Hoseok has been off. What, exactly, is happening, Taehyung can’t say, but he knows that Hoseok has been holding more than he can handle. Not only that, but with the public eyes on them getting bigger and bigger, rumors also grow, and some are harsh. Taehyung knows better than anyone how what shit people say on the internet sometimes can go straight to your insecurities.
The last three months were honest hell in their relationship. Both always on edge, fighting over absolutely anything, having to pretend everything was fine to the public’s eyes during their group agendas when they didn’t even talk to each other backstage.
In retrospect, Taehyung should've known that this was going to happen. That Hoseok was tired of their relationship.
Of Taehyung.
Recognizing it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“Do you think that maybe…” Taehyung starts, but cuts himself. Maybe they could be together again one day. That’s definitely not something one should say when they’re being dumped.
“Maybe?”
“The group will be fine, right?” Taehyung decides to say, instead of begging Hoseok to rethink this, to not break up with him and break Taehyung’s heart on the way. “We will not break the group, will we?”
Hoseok stops. He looks at Taehyung, keeps silent for longer than he should, then sighs. “Of course they’ll be fine. We’ll be alright, Taetae. We are best friends, after all.”
Please, don’t call me Taetae.
“Cool” Taehyung takes a deep breath, looks around. The private room in the restaurant feels emptier than it should, somehow. “Should we pay and go?”
With a nod, Hoseok agrees and pays for their meal. Usually, Taehyung would complain because Hoseok always wants to pay, but right now he can’t really find the strength to care. He just watches silently as Hoseok takes his credit card and pays for the meal.
They leave the place together, but far apart from each other. When they get outside, Taehyung realizes it’s raining. Nothing more than a mere drizzle, but enough for Hoseok to look at him and ask, “Do you want a ride to your house?”
“No” Taehyung denies. If he knew he would come back to his own home alone, he would've driven. “I’ll walk.”
“It’s raining.”
“I know” Taehyung takes a deep breath. He tries to smile, but he can’t. “See you, hyung.”
Taehyung walks for about three blocks when he finally starts to cry. He stops on the street and gets inside the first taxi that stops for him. The driver doesn’t look very happy having someone wet from rain wetting all his backseat, but says nothing. Maybe he recognized Taehyung, maybe he felt sorry about how much he’s crying now.
Whatever it is, Taehyung is just happy that he quickly drives to Jimin’s house, the only address that Taehyung could think of.
Jimin answers the door quickly, and brings Taehyung to his arms when he sees how messed up Taehyung is. It’s a little hard because, once he’s inside Jimin’s hug, Taehyung feels safe enough to break down, to cry as a kid, ugly, sobbing like he hasn’t in years.
“What happened, love?” Jimin asks when Taehyung stops crying so hard, when they are lying down on his bed, Jimin still holding Taehyung safely inside his arms.
“He left me” Taehyung’s voice sounds so weak. “Hoseok-hyung broke up with me.”
“Oh, love” Jimin tightens his hug.
“It hurts so much, Jiminie. Not having him anymore hurts so much, because I love him so much.”
Loving Hoseok shouldn’t hurt.
But it does.
It hurts like hell.
June, 2020
The water looks calm, even though the wind is blowing hard on Taehyung’s face. Or maybe it looks calm because he can’t really see it this late in the night. He can see the house lights reflecting the water, shining like the stars that aren’t shining up in the sky today. Maybe that’s what makes it look calm. Maybe the water is just disguising itself, pretending it’s calm and collected when the truth is that it’s agitated, angry, not being able to stop one minute. Taehyung can relate.
“Are you thinking about sleeping here or what?” Jungkook stops by his side and, just like Taehyung, he leans over the deck’s fence, watching the water. “You know there’s another room available at the float house, right?”
“Yeah?” Taehyung looks at their youngest and smiles. “I was thinking about sleeping with you.”
“I mean, of course you can, but if you cuddle me, I’ll kick you off the bed.”
“Rude.”
“No way, you’re too hot to cuddle during summer.”
“You think I’m hot, Kookie?” Taehyung moves his eyebrows, laughing when Jungkook rolls his eyes.
“Oh, shut up!” Jungkook ends up giving up and laughing with Taehyung. They keep the silence for some time, just observing the dark water, until Jungkook decides to break it and says, “Did you and Hoseok-hyung go out on a date today?”
Taehyung lowers his head, more interested in the water than ever. Where are all the fish? Seokjin didn’t manage to get even one yet. Maybe the fish are running away, hiding. Why would they hide? Would they be afraid? Ashamed? Taehyung also can relate.
Taehyung doesn’t really want to talk about his day, the amazing day he had with Hoseok. How they went on a small trip for burgers, how they listened to music and danced together, how they took so many pictures and Hoseok called him pretty once. He wants to keep these memories only to himself, even though everything was filmed and will be available to the world soon. Talking about fish would be easier.
“It wasn’t a date” Taehyung whispers. He had a long talk with Jungkook about how they weren’t that close anymore, and he misses it, how he wants to rebuild the bond they had when they were young. So he will talk to Jungkook, even if it’s about Hoseok. “We went out together, but it wasn’t a date.”
“I see” Jungkook nods, understanding and respectful to Taehyung’s silent wish. He’s a good kid, grew up well. Taehyung really likes him a lot. “How was it, hyung?”
It’s a very easy question. “Normal”, Taehyung shrugs. That’s what life has been with Hoseok by his side almost all the time. Normal .
When they broke up – when Hoseok broke up with Taehyung –, Taehyung was so afraid that things would become weird between them, that the entire group would feel the fall down. But in the end, everything was easy. Hoseok treated Taehyung as well as he treated everyone, as lovely as he has always been. Almost like the two of them didn’t have a history .
It is always so normal and natural that sometimes Taehyung forgets that this normalcy bothers him a little bit. But, of course, there’s always something to remind him of that.
“It’s hard, you know?” Taehyung says after some silence, and Jungkook just answers with a huh . “How normal everything is, how casual we are when we’re talking, and working, and laughing, and touching. It’s like we’re still friends and close, and… Sometimes it bothers me how easy everything is.”
“Shouldn’t it be a good thing, tho?” Jungkook frowns. “That everything is fine between you two?”
“Maybe it should, if I wasn’t still so madly in love with him.”
The thing about talking to Jungkook is that they always have these long moments of silence, and it’s never weird or uncomfortable. It’s needed, so they can truly absorb whatever they’re talking about, especially when it’s a serious matter.
“I swear I’m trying, Kookie” Taehyung takes a deep breath and tries to control what he knows is about to happen when his eyes start to burn. “I really want to get over him, but I guess he cast some kind of spell on me, because the more I try to forget him, the more I love him. It’s honestly annoying.”
“Come here” Jungkook brings Taehyung to his arms, lets Taehyng cry on his shoulder and wet his shirt with his tears.
They stay like that for a long time, Taehyung has no idea for how long. The wind gets stronger, blowing against their skin without mercy. Taehyung feels the first drops of the rain that was threatening to fall since the night began. Soon everything will be covered with many water drops – part from the dew, part Taehyung’s tears.
“I thought you didn’t want to cuddle me” Taehyung says between some sniffs when he finally manages to stop crying, and giggles a little when Jungkook slaps his arm. “Thank you, Kookie.”
“I literally did nothing, hyung.”
“You’re listening to me whining about my ex, I think you’re doing a lot.” Taehyung finally leaves Jungkook’s hug, rubbing his hand over his own face to try to hide his red crying face. “Let’s go inside, it’s already raining.”
“You can really sleep here if you want to, hyung” Jungkook says when they get inside the float house, in front of Jungkook’s bedroom door. “Maybe I’ll let you cuddle me.”
“You’re cute” Taehyung pinches Jungkook’s cheeks and receives a painful punch on his arms. “Don’t be mean, I’m in a vulnerable state!”
“Shut up!” they both laugh. “But seriously, why the hell did you decide to share a room with him? You said you would share with Jiminie!”
“Because I’m a fucking masochist.” Taehyung sighs. “Thank you again, Kookie.”
“Come to me whenever you need, hyung. I’ll always be here for you.”
With one last hug, Taehyung runs to the main house. Everything is dark, all lights are already off, and so are the cameras. He runs upstairs, entering the room he’s sharing with Hoseok. His hyung is already asleep, as quietly as always. Taehyung takes a minute to admire him under the moonlight, how he curls around himself when he sleeps, in a way that used to perfectly fit Taehyung’s body. Sleeping with Hoseok was always so calm and peaceful, Taehyung really misses it.
“Taehyungie?” Hoseok moves, trying to open his eyes. “Is that you?”
“That’s me, hyung. Just changing to also going to sleep.”
“Okay” Hoseok mutters, closing his eyes again. “The AC is on, so sleep under your blanket to not catch a cold.”
“Okay, hyung.”
Soon everything is quiet again and Hoseok is deep asleep. Taehyung decides to take a shower, grabbing his things and running to the bathroom. He is quick, trying not to wet his hair, and soon he’s ready to sleep, trying to ignore the way his body is begging him to go and sleep in Hoseok’s bed with him.
December, 2021
“Taehyungie, no!” is the only thing that Hoseok has the time to scream before Taehyung is carrying him, bride style and all, and jumps into the pool. When they emerge again, Taehyung is laughing and Hoseok is coughing.
“Were you trying to kill me?!” Hoseok splashes some water in Taehyung’s direction, barely hitting him.
“What would make you think that?” Taehyung says with fake innocence and receives another water splash as retaliation. “You would never get inside the pool if it wasn’t like that!”
“Of course not, it’s raining!” Hoseok finally surrenders and smiles. “You do know that it’s dangerous to be inside the pool when it’s raining, don’t you?”
“What is life without some danger?” Taehyung takes Hoseok’s hand and starts pulling him to the center of the pool. “Come on, let’s play something.”
They play tag, compete to see who can hold their breath underwater the longest, compete to see who can do the best backflip in the pool, race from one side to the other several times, dance even without music. When Taehyung realizes, they are exhausted, breathing unevenly, with giant smiles on their faces.
"I can't believe I've been in a pool in the middle of a storm for so long" Hoseok shakes his head as if he's trying to deny something, but a huge smile remains on his face, so Taehyung knows everything is fine. "It’s just like you."
"Just like me?" Taehyung laughs. He realizes that he and Hoseok are now in the pool, leaning against the edge, and the rain has stopped. The night seems calmer than ever.
It's almost winter, and if they were in Seoul, being in a pool in the beginning of December would be unimaginable. But in Hawaii, even this close to winter, the weather is warm — warm enough that they're enjoying the pool.
Despite there being no stars due to the rain clouds that still cover the sky a little, Taehyung believes that this is the most beautiful night they have had since they started their vacation. Or maybe it's because the company is the best Taehyung could ask for, because Hoseok will always be the best company in the world. Trying to not be too obvious, Taehyung looks at Hoseok, expecting to stare at the older man's profile with his gaze lost in the horizon, but he finds Hoseok staring at him with a small smile on his face.
"What is that?" Taehyung lets out an awkward laugh, his cheeks burning slightly.
"Nothing, I just... I'm glad to see you happy." Hoseok speaks relatively quietly, as if he's talking to himself. "Last year you were so... Seeing you happy makes me really happy, Taetae."
Maybe it's the water, maybe it's the red lighting of the pool, maybe it's the damn nickname, maybe it's Taehyung's heart that always beats faster when he's around Hoseok, but quickly Taehyung finds himself facing Hoseok, right in front of him, who is still with his back resting against the edge of the pool.
No matter how much time passes, Taehyung will always think Hoseok is the most beautiful person in the world, no matter how many other people are there. Everything about Hoseok's appearance fascinates Taehyung: his perfectly sculpted nose, his face with sharp angles, the voluminous lips that always fit so well against Taehyung's.
He misses kissing Hoseok so much.
"Hyung..." Taehyung says, swallowing hard. He sees that Hoseok's gaze is also fixed on his face, specifically on his lips.
Taehyung has lived with Hoseok close enough to know each of his actions, his expressions, so he knows exactly what is going through his hyung's head. Hoseok wants to kiss Taehyung just as much as Taehyung wants to kiss Hoseok.
So Taehyung leans forward slightly, his hand finding Hoseok's waist so he has support, ready to kiss Hoseok's lips. But before Taehyung can complete the action, two hands on his chest stop him from going any further.
"Please" Hoseok whispers, and now he doesn't look at Taehyung anymore. Hoseok has his head down, staring at the water. "Please, Tae, don't do this. Please."
"Hyung, I–"
"I need to go" Hoseok quickly breaks away from Taehyung, heading to the edge of the pool as fast as he can. "Don't forget that tomorrow we're going to have lunch with both our families!"
And just like that, Hoseok disappears into the house they rented for a few days, leaving Taehyung alone in the pool.
Feeling like a complete idiot, Taehyung lets himself sink into the water, covering his entire body until he is sitting on the bottom of the pool, holding his breath as long as he can. He feels like an idiot. There's no way he came so close to kissing his ex, and that he was so harshly rejected. Obviously Hoseok would reject him; It's been two years since they broke up. Taehyung is the only idiot who is still in love, who couldn't get over the breakup. Of course Hoseok moved on a long time ago.
When Taehyung emerges once again, his heart skips a beat when he sees Jiwoo waiting for him at the entrance door, hiding from the rain under the veranda’s roof, holding a white towel and extending it to Taehyung.
"Noona!" Taehyung places his hand over his heart and takes a deep breath, quickly leaving the pool at the edge and running to the veranda, taking the towel from Jiwoo's hand. "When did you get here?"
"Hoseokie seemed very agitated when he ran back into his room, didn’t even answer me. I knew you two were here together earlier, I just put two and two together."
“Ah,” Taehyung’s face burns hotter than ever. He feels so ashamed about how Hoseok’s sister can read them so easily. "No... Nothing happened."
"If I know my brother, I guess it really didn't. As much as he wants to."
“He doesn’t want to” Taehyung shakes his head while he dries himself. "He hasn't wanted to for a long time, I'm just stupid to still feel like this all by myself."
"Ah, Taehyungie..." Jiwoo sighs and runs his hand through Taehyung's wet hair in a light caress, something so brotherly that Taehyung closes his eyes for a few seconds, trying to enjoy all the comfort that Jiwoo is offering. "He'll come to his senses at some point. I promise."
Taehyun is no in the mood to reply to that, and the only reason he doesn't hug Jiwoo is that he's still wet from the pool. They enter together, and Taehyung goes straight to his own room, where he takes a shower and tries not to dream about him and Hoseok in the pool, in a scenario where his advances would be accepted and they would kiss for hours, until the rain stopped.
December, 2022
“Will it be too weird if I go with him to the United States?” Taehyung asks as he lies on the gym floor, just watching silently as Namjoon does his set of exercises.
“It would be very weird” Namjoon answers between panting for all his workout. Taehyung really admires his will.
“Why?” Taehyung pouts. “Nobody thought it was weird when Jimin went to Chicago for him.”
“Some people did” Namjoon lets go of his exercise machine and stretches. “But Lollapalooza was a first, it was an entire concert, the first between us to do a solo show like that… I said it once and I’ll say it again: Hoseok always comes first to Jimin.”
“Are you trying to bring me down or what?”
“I’m sorry, Tae” Namjoon laughs, and Taehyung follows him. It’s kind of sad, if he’s being honest. “But it would be a little weird for you to fly to New York with him on New Year's, only to watch him perform three songs and leave. You can do it anyway, if he’s ok with it.”
This time Taehyung doesn’t answer. He knows Hoseok wouldn’t let him, and he wouldn’t be wrong in doing so. And Namjoon is right, it would be a little weird to travel to another country exclusively for that. But Taehyung still pouts when they leave together for the showers.
One week later, Taehyung is watching the performance on YouTube and it’s amazing. The weather doesn’t look the best, and there was some rain earlier, so Taehyung can’t help but worry about Hoseok every time he makes a more complicated choreography move. But, of course, everything is amazing. The songs, the dance, Hoseok’s presence on stage. Everything is perfect, as expected of Hoseok.
When the reporter talks about new year’s kisses, about how j-hope is the person everyone wants to kiss, Taehyung can’t help but laugh out loud at Hoseok’s expression. He also can’t help how his heart jumps a little inside his chest, remembering all the times that Taehyung was the one kissing him when the clock went midnight.
Taehyung decides to call Hoseok about two hours after the broadcast ends. He knows very well what the routine is like after these events, and he knows that it always takes a while for them to get back to the hotel. He knows he got the timing right when Hoseok answers the call after only two rings.
"Taehyungie!" his hyung’s voice sounds excited, full of energy. "Happy New Year!"
"Happy new year, hyung" Taehyung says, even though they already sent their new year wishes in the group chat as soon as it hit midnight in South Korea. "You looked amazing today."
"Oh, did you watch it?" Hoseok sounds surprised. Taehyung has no idea what surprises Hoseok about the fact that Taehyung religiously follows everything related to him. If Hoseok performed in the Sun, Taehyung would find a way to beat the heat just to support Hoseok. "I made some mistakes, it could have been a lot better."
"You were perfect" Taehyung says seriously, as a final point. There is no discussion on this subject. "I wanted to be there with you."
"Wouldn't that be a little strange?" Hoseok's laugh is a little nervous, which quickly sets off an alert in Taehyung's mind. He's probably starting to stray into forbidden territory.
"It would be. That's why I didn't go."
“Of course,” incredibly, Hoseok sounds relieved. "Did you spend New Year's Eve with anyone?"
"With Wooga Squad. Except for Wooshik, he had a family gathering."
"Cool. Was it fun?"
"Quite." a short silence follows, not at all uncomfortable. Taehyung hears some noises of fabric, zippers. Hoseok is probably already starting to pack his suitcase. "When will you come back?"
"In a few hours. Jin-hyung is taking his first break from the military, right? I promised I'd be back so we could have dinner with him."
"So I'll see you in a bit?"
"If you also go to dinner with Jin-hyung..."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." they both laugh. Taehyung thinks their laughs sound beautiful together. Maybe Yoongi could use it in a song, one day. The story of two laughs that complement each other perfectly, but are forced to remain separate. What cruel world would separate two perfectly happy laughs?
"Taehyungie?" Hoseok's voice wakes him up from the trance that Taehyung hadn't even realized he had entered. He quickly responds with a huh , just to show that he's awake. "You were silent for so long, I thought the call dropped."
"Sorry, I got lost in my own head."
“I figured” Hoseok chuckles. "I need to hang up now, Tae. I want to get some sleep before the flight. See you soon?"
"See you" Taehyung smiles, a little silly. "Happy new year again, hyung."
"Happy New Year, Taetae."
Taehyung hangs up the phone and lets out a sigh. The ‘I love you’ goes without saying.
August, 2023
Taehyung's fingers tap the same rhythm on the coffee table in his living room, the same rhythm as the rain hits his windows. He is sitting on the floor, the television is on, playing some variety show, at a low volume. The lights in the house are low, and next to him Yeontan sleeps, snoring lightly. Taehyung stares at the cell phone screen, waiting for the right time so he can make the call, his heart racing.
Taehyung memorized all the hours that Hoseok has free time, what exactly are the hours when he can use his cell phone, and for how long. So Taehyung waits, his heart racing. He waits for the clock to change numbers so he can finally call Hoseok and open up his heart.
Some people say that Taehyung wears his heart on his sleeve, and maybe when he was younger that was true, but lately he's sure he can hide everything perfectly. Over time, with everything that happened in his life, Taehyung became very good at keeping his feelings inside a bottle, so well closed and hidden, always so full... Until he exploded. Until the volume exceeds the bottle's storage capacity, and the explosion causes damage all over Taehyung's life.
This time, Taehyung believes he managed to focus his feelings on something more concrete. In a few weeks, he will be able to release his first album, and open his heart to the whole world.
Taehyung has been trying to compose a mixtape for a long time, and it took long enough for the mixtape to become an album. To be completely honest, the format doesn't matter that much to him; nothing matters that much, despite putting his feelings into the music.
Taehyung realized too soon that maybe it wasn't a good idea for him to be the composer of his own songs, ironic as it may seem. All the songs he writes are always very obviously about Hoseok: the metaphors involving the sun, the heart-melting smile, the kindness, the fun laugh, everything about Hoseok. For someone who claims to hide his feelings well, the reality is that Taehyung has always been very obvious about how much he is in love with Hoseok.
After several failed attempts, it became very clear to Taehyung that he should have other people take care of composing the lyrics; someone who wasn't madly in love with Jung Hoseok and could see the beauty in the world beyond his hyung's bright smile. But his album theme was always very clear in his head, and all Taehyung needed was a few meetings and directions, and the lyricists could compose exactly what Taehyung needed. All his feelings were perfectly conveyed to the music.
And now, all Taehyung needs to do is show them to Hoseok.
A lot of time has passed since they broke up – three years and ten months, not that Taehyung is counting – and Taehyung feels like it's time to be honest with Hoseok, completely honest. No screaming, no crying, no begging for something that won't happen again. All Taehyung needs is for Hoseok to know. Hoseok needs to know exactly what Taehyung feels, everything he's always made him feel, how much Hoseok has always been the realest thing in Taehyung's life.
When the numbers on the clock finally get where Taehyung wants them, he takes a deep breath and clicks on Hoseok's contact, starting a voice call.
After three rings, Hoseok answers in his usual excited voice. "Taehyungie, you called at the perfect time! I was getting my phone out of the closet just now!"
Taehyung knows. In the background, he can hear the noise of more people talking, probably the other recruits and soldiers from Hoseok's platoon. Something like that.
"Really?" he laughs, a little awkwardly. "Today you can spend a little more time with your cell phone, can't you, hyung?"
"Yes, but only today. Why?"
"I..." he takes a deep breath. Do not run. You can do it. "I wanted to ask you something, Hoseok-hyung."
"Sure, Taetae, anything." Hoseok's voice sounds a little muffled, and little by little it seems like the noise of people talking in the background is diminishing.
Sometimes Taehyung wonders what kind of idiot he might be for never asking Hoseok to stop calling him Taetae when the nickname clearly hurts him so much.
"Hyung, could you... I finished my album."
"Really?" Hoseok's voice finally sounds clear, and no noise can be heard in the background. Hoseok probably found a slightly more private place to talk to Taehyung, thankfully. "That's amazing! Congratulations, Taehyungie!"
"Thank you" Taehyung smiles and takes a deep breath again. It's now or never. "I wanted to send you the songs, hyung. There will be five songs, and I wanted you to hear them before everyone else."
"Me? Are you sure?" Hoseok waits for Taehyung to murmur a mhm in confirmation, then continues, "It would be an honor, Taetae."
"I'll send you the files, and... Hyung, listen very carefully, okay?"
"Of course, hyung always–"
"It's for you, Hobi" Taehyung whispers what has been stuck in his throat for a while, what he should have said from the beginning. "Every song, every part of every lyric, everything is for you."
The line goes completely silent and Taehyung swallows hard. He can see that the call hasn't dropped, and as much as a part of him wants to believe that maybe he's gone mute, the truth is that he knows that Hoseok is processing what Taehyung just said. It wasn't light information, after all.
"Are you sure?" is what Hoseok says after the long silence.
Taehyung doesn't know what the older man is referring to: is Taehyung sure the songs are for him? If he's sure it's a good idea to tell him this before showing the songs? If Taehyung is sure he wants to show these songs to the world?
The answers are yes to all those questions.
"Yes" he answers loudly. "You don't need to answer anything, hyung. You don't need to comment on anything, you don't need to talk to me about what you heard. I just want– I need you to know about how I feel. How I will always feel about you. I..." Taehyung takes a deep breath. I still love you, I have loved you for ten years. I will love you for ten more. "I just need you to listen with an open heart. Promise me you'll listen, hyung?"
“I promise, Taehyung.”
"Thanks."
When Taehyung hangs up the call, he feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He takes a deep breath and looks at Yeontan, realizing only now that his eyes are as wet as the rain out there, holding back relieved tears that won’t fall.
All he has to do now is wait.
Maybe in 2025 he and Hoseok will be able to talk about it.