Work Text:
It’s around 11 pm when the sergeant of Tokyo’s police walks into a mildly crowded bar. It’s not one of these popular nightclubs where people go to have fun - instead, it’s more of a calm place to have a drink and talk with your friends. Kiriyama is its frequent visitor solely because of that reason. He goes there to get some space and think everything through in a quiet setting, so seeing that there are more people than usual makes him feel a little strange. He wasn’t surprised, though; it was New Year’s Eve after all, and most people would go out to grab a drink or two. It’s not that the amount of people bothers him - he’s alright as long as there’s a place for him to sit. Preferably alone.
He walks closer to his usual spot, hoping that it isn’t taken. His favorite place is the farthest from the entrance, the table in the corner. It’s the most isolated and quiet one, usually reserved for people who don’t like to be disturbed - like him.
Or like the person who took his place. Kiriyama sighed, seeing that this time he had to go and sit somewhere else. It’s not that much of a problem - he’ll probably forget about it as soon as he gets his hands on a drink. He shoots the person a final glance before he turns away and stops immediately once his brain registers the familiar features of the man. Too familiar to ignore him, despite him sitting in the ‘don’t talk to me’ seat. He walks to his table.
“Matsubase?” He asks. The person in question takes his eyes off the glass in his hand and finally looks up.
“Kiriyama!” Matsubase looks as surprised as the sergeant is. He quickly collects himself and picks up his coat that has been lying on the other side of the table as an invitation to sit with him. Kiriyama accepts, despite initially coming here with the intent of spending his time alone. “I would never expect you here at this time.” He says, starting the conversation.
“Same goes for you. It’s not like you to spend New Year’s Eve in such a place.” Kiriyama notices.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you always used to spend it in much more lively places. Every year you’d go out with friends, get drunk, and all that.” He commented.
“Haha, maybe you’re right. It’s a little different this year.” Matsubase laughs while agreeing. “What about you? I rarely see you drinking. Why do you spend New Year’s Eve alone?”
“Well, I’m not alone now, aren’t I?” He corrected him and Matsubase nodded. “I don’t really know. I’m off duty today so I had nothing else to do, and this place is pretty nice. It’s almost always empty, so I don’t need to bother with other people.”
“Always? Are you a frequent visitor?” Matsubase asked, swirling the drink in his hand lightly.
“Ah.” Kiriyama understood how his words sounded. He wasn’t an alcoholic or anything like that - it’s just that he’s been out drinking a little more ever since… lately. “Not really but I happen to pass by quite often. I can see that it’s never crowded.”
“Mm.” Matsubase hummed in response. Kiriyama wondered if the red-haired man noticed him lying. He probably did. He always does. “Also, what do you mean ‘I have nothing to do because I’m off duty’? Is work really your whole world?” He asked, pretending to be disappointed.
“It used to be,” Kiriyama answered, a little too honest even for himself. “It’s just a boring day, that’s all. You know I’m not the one for parties and all that stuff. I’d rather celebrate quietly.”
“What’s there to celebrate?” Matsubase muttered under his breath. “Are you ordering anything?” He asked before Kiriyama could question him. The taller man nodded, standing up to go to the counter.
“I’ll go with you.”
“You’re buying another one?” Kiriyama asked skeptically. “You’re kind of a lightweight when it comes to alcohol from what I remember.”
“I didn’t drink anything strong. Also, I’m going to ignore that last part.”
It didn’t take long to order. Their drinks were done fast enough to keep Matsubase from complaining, which is a miracle. The sergeant got just a plain glass of whiskey and the other detective ordered the same. Kiriyama wondered whether it was because he genuinely enjoyed whiskey or because of the lack of creativity from his already kind of jingled self.
“How has it been going for you?” Matsubase asked after a moment of silence after they sat back down at their table.
Kiriyama had to think of an answer for a moment. Did he himself even know how he was feeling? Sure, it hasn’t been perfect but it’s not that terrible. He’d have to think about it for a bit longer if he actually wanted to figure out how his life was at the moment, so he settled for a simple answer. “Alright. I guess it’s been the same as always.” He took a sip. “What about you? Is everything okay with that girl from your last case?”
Matsubase looked at him in slight shock but calmed himself a second later. “Ah, Sachi. Yeah, she’s alright. As alright as she can be after…” He didn’t finish his sentence. Kiriyama understood anyway.
“It must be hard for her. Trying to live a normal life after everything she has suffered.” He commented.
Matsubase nodded, eyes directed toward his drink. “It must be.”
Kiriyama sighed. “You know, I would’ve never imagined you in a parental role. Why did you go out of your way to do something like this?”
The detective looked at him in confusion. “Why does there have to be a reason? I just did. I didn’t want her to live in an orphanage so it ended up like this.”
“It was too big of a sacrifice for there not to be a reason…besides, living in an orphanage wouldn’t be so bad for her!”
“It would be,” Matsubase commented quickly. Kirayama didn’t question him about it; he had other things to ask about.
“Are you sure…are you sure it’s not because of-”
“Kiriyama.” The detective cut him off. So it is a touchy subject for him, Kiriyama noticed. “It has nothing to do with her.”
“I know. I’m just asking. It’s just that it seems like a ‘you’ thing to do. After all, it was so serious for you that-”
“Nanami Watarai is dead and there’s nothing I can do about that.” Matsubase cut him off again. He looked serious. Too serious for a conversation at a bar. “I didn’t adopt her to make myself feel better about what I’ve done.”
“That’s because you didn’t do anything wrong!” Kirayama raised his voice slightly. He was sick of Matsubase living in guilt for such a long time. To his surprise, the detective didn’t get angry.
“Whatever you say.” He responded calmly. “It’s not my thing to determine.”
Kiriyama sighed for god-knows-what time again. “I guess there’s no point in talking you out of your views. You haven’t changed a bit in all those years.”
Matsubase looked at him in surprise. “What?”
Kiriyama put his (already second - he ordered it while one of the workers passed them) glass down. “Sure, you are different now. With your new methods of work and how you redefined your meaning of ‘justice’. But your idiotic stubbornness? It’s always the same.” He said, his mouth much more honest and lively now with all the alcohol consumed. “You can’t ever listen to anyone when they’re trying to help you. You cling onto your guilt as if it’s the most important thing in your life.” Matsubase looks at him, speechless. “Seriously, why are you here tonight?”
Matsubase drops his gaze onto his glass. “I told you already. It’s just a weird year, that’s all.” He mutters as if he was a child being scolded.
“Liar.” That is all Kiriyama responds with. It seems to have struck a nerve in Matsubase.
“Fine! You want to know why I’m not in the mood to celebrate? Because there’s nothing to celebrate. It’s been, what, like a month since somebody died because of me again. I have no fucking reason to be jumping around because the number in the calendar changed.” He spits out.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about!” Kiriyama exclaims but can’t finish his speech because of how loud the room around them gets. People started counting out loud, indicating how close the so-awaited New Year was.
“Three…Two…One!!”
Everyone around them started clapping, laughing, and exchanging good wishes for the year. Matsubase stayed silent, awkwardly staring into his drink again.
Kiriyama, having calmed down because of all the chaos, downed what was left of his drink and suddenly started speaking again.
“It was hard.” He began. Matsubase looked at him in confusion. “After you left us. I missed you at every step of my life. One moment you were there and a second later you were in my office, telling me that you’re leaving.” He confessed.
“I-”
“I was angry at you. You never said anything about leaving and suddenly you’ve already made up your mind. I couldn’t do anything to stop you because my opinion didn’t matter to you at all. I always thought we were close. That you’d come to me whenever you had problems. That you’d trust me enough to let me help…but you didn’t. You suffered alone and left without a word.”
“It wasn’t like that!” Matsubase interrupted but Kiriyama paid it no mind.
“After some time I stopped being mad at you. All I felt was regret. I tried to understand everything you went through but how could I? You never told me anything.”
“I tried to,” Matsubase responded. “I really did. I’m sorry. It was never your fault; the problem was me. I trusted you - I still do. I wanted to tell you my reasons but I couldn’t bring those words out of my mouth.” He confessed. “I wanted to forget about everything.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“No, not like that. I would never want to forget you. I wanted to forget about everything that happened before you. About my reasons to leave. About what happened to her.” Matsubase kept saying, even though the sounds of the fireworks outside made it hard for his voice to come through.
“I just want to know one thing.” Kiriyama looked into his eyes. “Did it mean nothing to you?”
“It meant everything to me!” Matsubase shouted.
“It meant everything to me, too.” Was all the sergeant said in response. Matsubase halted immediately. “I thought it was all gone. We were once inseparable but now you only talk to me when you need something.” Kiriyama said, his speech a little slurred and cheeks red from alcohol. His eyes were glassy; Matsubase figured it was from alcohol, too - or at least he hoped so.
“I’m sorry.” Was all he could say to that. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you are,” Kiriyama muttered. “Don’t apologize. I’m happy you’re doing better now.” He smiled softly, without even an ounce of dishonesty.
“It’s all because of your help.” Matsubase brushed him off. “Now get up, you’re drunk. I’m gonna walk you home.”
“You don’t need to. I’ll be fine. Besides, you’ve drunk too.” Kiriyama protested.
“I’m way less drunk than you. And I’m not going to leave you out here like this.”
“You’re…not going to leave?”
“Ah.” Matsubase stops, then puts his arm around Kiriyama’s arm, helping him up. “No, I’m not, Junsa.”
And oh, how Kiriyama missed him using his first name with that soft voice.
“Alright.”