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You were not who I expected to see. And yet I am not surprised you are here.
Young, foolish padawan - powerful, yes, oh, I can feel it - but I am not here for you. You are not the one I wanted. And yet…
The Force sings in you, the melody laced with the same harsh, discordant notes I feel in myself. Oh, I know you would not care for my revelations, but they ring within me all the same. The chord of one who has been used, who has given all and been granted nothing in return. I can hear it play through you as I do through myself - the sounding of the tone before it falls…
…falls…
…falls…
But I know you will rise. Much like I have. That swell sings within you, as implacable and irresistible as the Force itself.
Never have I felt such a thing from another. Never have I seen so clearly. It confuses me and it intrigues me and somewhere within my very soul, the first notes of your song have been carved into the core of my own music. Baffled and adrift, I speak with you.
Lady Tano…
I can see that you understand me, that you feel as I do. I know that by your side we could end this all. Nothing feels as true for me as this fact, this moment. I extend my hand to you, needing to feel you accept it. Accept me .
The window shatters.
In all my years I have never seen a sight to rival you, the flying shards sparkling as the glass blows inward, glittering as though in tribute to a higher god. Goddess. The moonlight bathes your glory in silver as the flames gild gold along the whispers of the air.
I could worship you.
But you pull away. Who is this Skywalker to have claimed the admiration of so many? Of you ? I could happily destroy the man if for no other reason than that. Watch him bleed simply because he inspires such devotion in you that you step back from me once more at the mere mention of a threat to your beloved Master. With one small sentence, one optimistic and hopelessly, willfully blind declaration, you have bound me as your enemy and stripped me of my strength in your regard.
As the blades of your sabers flare, cutting the night, shining in the blue of your eyes while you stare me down, I know you have shattered a part of me that I have never before offered to anyone.
Lady Tano…
I have been raised in the ways of the Force. Harsh and unbending, brutal and demanding. Not like you, the vision before me, who has learned warmth and companionship - no. All I have ever been taught was domination. Subjugation. Victory at any cost.
And yet, as we dance, blades flashing and footwork matching step for step, I know this is as inevitable as the tides. As immutable as existence itself. You are nowhere near my skill but you are so much more than I could ever be.
The two of us, like this, meeting and matching and swirling apart only to come together once more - I can feel the threads of the Force that bind us sliding tendrils through my very essence.
You follow me through the window you pitched me through and I am…
…pleased…
…hurt…
And you give me no choice. I would have walked away. Taken the splintered bits of myself and disappeared from your sight. But maybe it is better this way.
Step, swing - were this any other battle, any other place or time with you, I would thrill to match blades and motions. Gathering my strength, I offer my hand once more, knowing as I do that you will refuse.
I almost welcome the fall. Gravity pulling me downward, away from you, exerting the power to separate from you in a way that I myself cannot do.
And then the halt. The feeling of your Force wrapping around me…
…and the knowledge that I am not to escape these bonds.
My rage is cold and broken and reverent in ways I shall never be able to give voice to.
Lady Tano…
You free me because you have use for me, and it is the sweetest benediction I have known.
I can be your instrument of chaos, tuned to a perfect pitch and resonant with your command. Perhaps feeding that fire within me will center me once more.
Every step along the hallway, every Force push and clash - this is something I know. I have walked these floors of confrontation over and over again, long before I had even met you.
Your command to me flutters through my blood. There is no challenge here but I crave none. These pitiful creatures are an annoyance at best. No, it isn’t this that sings in my soul.
Electricity screams. Sparks scatter. You will never be mine but I shall always be yours. And this - this is not a victory, not in any meaningful sense.
It simply is.
Lady Tano…
In this scarlet-hued place of ancient knowledge, your eyes are more vibrant than the blades of the sabers your younger self carried. But I cannot see into them as I once did. The years have made you stronger, deliciously so, but they have also closed the shutters on the part of you that was once so clear to me.
I feel the loss as I have felt very few things.
And yet…
Feeling you move beside me, with me - the others are inconsequential. This is what I craved. You and I, together - adversaries or allies, it matters not. Each step, each swing, each shift…and the Force - how can you not feel this? How are you ignoring the vibration, the call, the bindings between us that resonate in a manner only we two can touch?
I came here for a specific reason but there is a part of me that wishes I had come for you.
Lady Tano…
I cannot be what I am not. My efforts shall always fall short of what you deserve from me.
And though I know how this will end, know that my own actions, my own desperation for closure will build a wall between us you shall never desire to scale…
I play my part as it has been written. I allow myself to be the villain you so desperately desire. If that is the only way you will see me, then that is the person I shall be.
The anger, the hatred…those are far more familiar than whatever it is that you have created within me.
We shall meet again. I know you know it as well. And until that time I shall continue traveling the path I have set before myself in whatever manner I choose.
And never will I admit that in my last days, the only words remaining on my soul shall be your name.
My Ahsoka…