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"There you are," Draco said as he entered through the hidden door to this secluded study.
"Here I am," Harry answered and raked his fingers through his hair.
It had just gotten to be a bit much. The ball, the company… everything. Especially the dreaded question. He hated public affairs, so why was he unable to stop his life from being one?
"I presume that someone said something you didn’t like?" Draco sighed as he took a seat next to Harry.
He started to reach out to touch Harry, but he then dropped his hand again. Though Harry was essentially his, life between them was still such a mess. Too many wounds, too many things though talked about still unclear. It should have been easier, for the both of them. But apparently neither of them knew how to find the easy road.
"I- I- someone was asking what our family plans now were. Apparently being a claimed omega, I should have planned for that already. But then it was insinuated because I am who I am, that special allowances must be made. And, after all, you are able to provide all I can ask for and all our children would need, and I should not worry too much about it."
Harry huffed and got up. He heard a sigh from Draco. This was an endless discussion and by now even he himself couldn't hear it anymore. But he also couldn't stop. There was so much rage in him, and Draco was the only target around. Though, Draco was the one who drew the even shorter end of the stick, and didn’t even know why. Fuck!
"I don't understand that. How can I be expected to behave like a perfectly bred omega and at the same time allowances must be made and I should just accept anything you dish out to me? How can they even presume to know what our life is like? How can anybody believe I will just accept that someone else is in control of my life?" Harry's voice rose as he worked himself up, his hands clenching by his sides."Why do we have to do this public spectacle? Everything is fine when we are alone a-"
"No."
"What?" Harry screeched. That answer was not what he expected. How could Draco disagree? When they were alone things were mostly fine.
"No, it is not fine. We can't hide in the Manor forever. It is not healthy for either of us," Draco said softly.
They had been over this. It was necessary for the both of them to be able to leave the house, to life normally and get used to their bond and their new life together.
"Well, I was perfectly happy there," Harry seethed.
It wasn't true; he had felt useless. But then again, he still felt useless, so nothing had changed only that now he had to listen to other people's opinions at Yule Balls and evening banquets.
"You were so happy that every time I was not in the same wing as you, you broke down?"
The calm way Draco spoke set Harry on edge. He paced away from him, hands still clenched.
"You don't know what you are talking about. You have no idea- you don't know."
"No, because you won’t talk to me. You didn't talk to the counselor. You refuse to talk to your friends. At some point, Harry, something will have to give," Draco said.
"And you think now is that point? Hiding in this stupid study in this stuffy old mansion owned by stupid nosy people- that is nowhere near as nice our home - from all of the society out there?" Harry huffed.
Draco shrugged. "It's not my decision, now, is it?"
"I want to go home. It is late enough, we should be allowed to leave," Harry stated instead and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"We will have to bid our goodbye at least to the hosts," Draco said and got up again.
As Draco stepped by him, Harry grabbed his arm. "Don't give up on me?"
Draco turned around, stepped closer. "Never. You are mine." He caressed the bitemark on Harry's neck. "And nothing, not even all your temper tantrums or all the magic in the world will change that."
Harry nodded. The soft smile Draco gave him with the touch, and the tingling that touch sent through his body reassured him.
"We say goodbye and then we go home?" he asked and left the study with Draco.
~*~
It was dark when he opened his eyes. It took him a moment to realize that what he was hearing was his laboured breathing. Fuck. He had had another nightmare of that stupid room, of the months he had spent in darkness, with unknown hands and magic all over him.
"Harry?"
The voice was heavy with sleep, but still reassuring. He was in his bed, with Draco. He was home.
"Come here."
There was a slight rustle as Draco turned towards him and opened his arms. Draco waited patiently, keeping his arms open for Harry. As Harry moved closer, Draco closed his arms around him, keeping him close, warm, and hopefully safe.
"Want to talk about it?" he asked.
He always asked, because he wanted to know, wanted to help, but he didn't know how. And Harry didn't want to either have a problem or need help. Draco wasn't sure which one it was. But he would offer his help, over and over again. Like he would go through the same discussions about what it meant to be an alpha or an omega over and over again. He couldn't name what it was, but he had the patience when it came to Harry.
"Nothing to talk about. It was dark, cold, and that is all," Harry said, his voice breaking at the end.
He could not confess. He couldn't tell Draco what they had done to him. What if Draco left him, because he was no longer what he seemed to be? He was broken, broken in a way that nothing could fix again.
"You made it through that. You came out of that and now you are here with me," Draco tried to reassure Harry.
But something in Harry broke again. Draco's voice was so soft, so loving, and even through their shared bond he could feel how happy Draco was that he was here with him. But Draco didn't know. Even three years later, he had never confessed to Draco how broken he was. And now everybody started their own rumours about them.
"I shouldn't be with you. You deserve someone better."
There was a soft snort from above him. "Better than the Dark Lord Vanquisher, the Hero of our Times, the Golden Boy? That better person will be rather difficult to come by," Draco joked and kissed his forehead.
Harry closed his eyes, fighting against the sob in his throat. "Someone not broken," he whispered. Tears collected behind his closed eyes.
"We are all broken in our own ways. That doesn't change the love we feel or that others feel for us. You know what I did, who I am. I doubt anybody else would understand me as well as you," Draco said.
"But you don’t know," Harry suddenly yelled and fought to get free from Draco. But Draco kept holding him, even though he kicked and screeched and tried his best.
"What do I not know, Harry? Tell me what it is that torments you so much that our bond can't settle after all these months?" Draco asked, his voice loud but not screaming.
"You are never getting children out of this maimed body. Never. They did something- many things- so much magic, and then… when they found me… the healer… he said… I can't…" And Harry broke down. He wanted children. He never had before. But living with Draco, seeing the care he had for his animals and his plants… Draco made him feel like children would add to their life. He would be a great father… and maybe Harry could be too. But he couldn't because yet another thing had been stolen from him. And Draco just stayed silent. Fuck! "Let me go," he screamed again.
"No."
"Why is it always no with you," Harry shouted, and it didn't really make much sense, but what else was he to say?
"Harry, I know. I have known since the beginning, when we met again," Draco stated calmly.
Harry stilled in Draco's arms. In the dark Harry could only see the white of Draco's eyes. But the words needed a moment or two to sink in. He knew? How? And why hadhe still claimed him? And… and what was supposed to happen now?
"Why? How? Why?" he stuttered.
"Your scent. It changed. You smelled very differently to me during school than after everything." Draco leaned closer and inhaled Harry's scent deeply. "You still smell like mine. You are mine; there could be no other. But it changed. So, I researched. Most likely it also changed your cycle, but we have not been together before, so I wouldn't know," Draco explained.
"I- you- then… what now?" he asked, confused , looking up at Draco..
"Now we can talk some more, or go back to sleep. It is still pretty dark and way too early to be awake," Draco offered.
"I'm yours, and you are mine?" Harry asked quietly.
"You are mine, and I am yours," Draco confirmed.
"Sleep first. Talk later. I am exhausted," Harry confessed.
There had been so much rage, and now he just didn’t know what to do with it. It had been such a secret. And now it was none. What would happen? What would the future bring?
Apparently, that could wait for tomorrow… how odd.
But he was too relieved that he was allowed to stay, had a place to call home and Draco by his side. He was allowed to sleep. And tomorrow, tomorrow they could maybe, possibly talk about their future for the first time without Harry being blinded by fear.