Archive of Our Own ^beta

With the buildup to their debut, Aphelios had been keeping their Twitter account active, engaging with every possible comment and quote tweet. It was a bit surprising to know that Aphelios was so talkative online when in reality, he hardly spoke in order to preserve his voice. 

Regardless, his excitement at getting to talk to their fans took some of the load off of Ezreal’s shoulders. Though he still held the occasional Instagram or Tiktok live, he didn’t have to spend his whole day on his phone. Well, not more than he usually would. 

The only issue they’d encountered with Aphelios handling their social media was that, while he got good engagement, he was just as mischievous as usual. And while that wasn’t too much of an issue in Ezreal’s opinion, the others always seemed to be complaining about something that Aphelios had posted about them. 

From posting their private Discord calls to photos of some of the members in compromising positions, Aphelios was a menace. 

So, when a recording of one of their calls was released, Ezreal didn’t think much of it. Well, at least not until he saw his profile picture on the preview. 

Sitting up, Ezreal looked over to where Aphelios was curled up on the couch, phone in his hands. They stared at each other for a moment before a small smile spread over Aphelios’ lips. Typing a quick message on his phone, he held it up for Ezreal to read.

don’t worry, it’s nothing bad about you 🤭 more exposing for kayn ~

Oh, Ezreal liked the sound of that. Without a second to waste, he settled back into the plush cushions, opening up the video. The moment the voices came through his phone, Ezreal recognized the call. 

“So, you guys wanna hear the song that’s been stuck in my head for weeks?” Sett’s voice asked through the speaker and almost immediately, Ezreal paused it, knowing that only a few seconds later, he would have to listen to the grating sound of Kayn humming You’re My Museum. That had been scarring enough to hear just once. 

As he scrolled through the preview on the video, he could see that his own profile picture was there through the entire thing, and if he remembered correctly, the others had left the voice channel not too long after he had. 

Glancing up, he saw Aphlios hold out his phone again, eyes glinting with delight.

go to the very end

Following the directions given, Ezreal skipped to a later point in the video, pressing play again to be met with the sound of thumping, shouting from Sett and his own, small giggle. It was soon after that that Ezreal left the call, and though the sounds of violence continued from Sett’s end, Kayn was silent.

And then, with a huff of relief, Kayn’s voice spoke up again, sending possibly the biggest shock through Ezreal in a matter of seconds. 

“Good thing they didn’t remember the posters in my room.”

Not even the chuckling from Aphelios took Ezreal’s eyes away from his phone, staring at the REPLAY button on the video. The what in Kayn’s room? No, there was no way, right? No way he had posters of Ezreal.

Aphelios didn’t come as a surprise, having almost fainted when they’d met the first time. But Kayn?! Mr. “Bubblegum pop is for bitches” and “I’m too cool for all of you”?  

No, Ezreal needed to know for himself. 

Shutting off his phone, he quickly stood, sending a quick thanks to Aphelios before he rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time. With Kayn taking a shower, it was the perfect opportunity for Ezreal to walk up to his door. He stared at the Beware of RHAAST sign that had previously been a dog warning. Everyday, he passed Kayn’s room but never once had he been tempted to open the door that always remained closed. Partially out of fear of Kayn and partially out of fear of what state his room was in. 

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Ezreal turned the doorknob. And with a burst of confidence, he pushed the door open, slipping inside quickly. 

The first thing that hit Ezreal was the smell. A confusing mixture of spray paint, cigarettes, sweat and… was that gasoline? It was quite overpowering but, thankfully, somewhat breathable. 

After Ezreal finally got past the smell, he flicked his eyes around the room, reaching to turn on the lights. Even with it being midday, with the blackout curtains drawn, the room was plunged into pure darkness. And flicking on the lights did very little, the actual ceiling light remaining off while red LED lightstrips turned on. Ezreal blinked, eyes trying their best to adjust to the room. At least with those, he could actually see.

Maybe it was better before the lights were on. Like that, he couldn’t see the heaps of laundry on the floor or the garbage strewn about. Countless bags of take out were tossed about and everywhere Ezreal stepped, there was something on the ground. It became clear where the smell of cigarettes came from; an ashtray absolutely filled with cigarette remains was sitting on Kayn’s desk. The butts hardly even fit anymore, falling out onto the burned tabletop. Burnt matches were crushed on the desk, the wooden sticks black and splintered into little pieces. 

Ezreal tried to remind himself that he was there not to judge Kayn’s living conditions, but for a very specific reason. Though, he was definitely going to do that regardless. 

His eyes lifted to the walls, where countless posters were pinned up. The previously white walls were covered in graffiti, though the colours were indistinguishable in the red light. The first poster Ezreal noticed was across the room from Kayn’s bed. Ezreal was shocked to see a PentaKill poster, but then he noticed the darts that were stabbed through it, along with a steak knife right through the centre of Karthus’ head. Maybe it wasn’t that shocking after all. 

Eyes flicking around the room, Ezreal glanced at the K/DA and True Damage posters, all of which were signed by Akali and a couple had other members’ signatures.

And then, finally, right above Kayn’s bed, he saw them. His own posters hung up on the wall of Sheida Kayn’s bedroom. It felt wrong to see his photos there, felt wrong to know that Kayn had them right above his bed, but as he stared at them, he couldn’t help but smile. 

Seemed like Kayn had quite the little secret he was keeping, especially when he was so quick to make jokes about how bad Ezreal’s music was.

Pulling out his phone, Ezreal tried to tiptoe through the room, wincing with every step. He tried so desperately to not step on anything, but it was nearly impossible. 

Tripping over a pile of clothes that he was sure had been cleaned only a few days earlier, Ezreal stumbled onto the bed, nose wrinkling when he lifted his head. God, when had the sheets last been washed? Whatever, that didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting a photo of those posters. He knew it would come in handy later  to hold over Kayn’s head.

As he opened up the camera on his phone, the light in the room shifted and the sound of the door opening froze Ezreal in place. The only thing that moved was his head, snapping around to meet the wide mismatched eyes belonging to none other than Kayn. He stared at Ezreal, first in confusion, then shock and finally, irritation. 

Once he found himself able to move, Ezreal flicked his eyes to the still open door, sparks glittering around his feet as he quickly blinked, trying to get into the hallway. But Kayn, knowing that trick, slammed the door before Ezreal could make it past. 

With a thump, a shout and a sharp pain through his nose, Ezreal stumbled back, slapping his hands over his face.

“You could have broken my nose!” He screamed, but Kayn didn’t seem to care, pushing Ezreal’s shoulder until his back hit the door. 

“What are you doing in here?!” Kayn snapped, his grip rough where it was holding Ezreal’s shoulder, keeping him from getting away. Anger burned in those eyes and Ezreal could see the way smoke danced around Kayn’s form. 

Oh god, wait. He’s—

Ezreal felt his face burn when he realized that Kayn, fresh out of the shower, was still completely shirtless. And while the sight of his bandmate in nothing but sweatpants was not an unusual sight, it typically wasn’t paired with damp skin and Ezreal pinned against a wall. The situation felt so compromising, even with the rage burning in Kayn’s eyes, his sharp canines bared like a feral animal. 

But the anger really couldn’t be taken seriously when Ezreal knew it was founded on pure embarrassment, noticeable with the way Kayn’s cheeks were tinted a darker shade of red, hardly visible in the LED lights. 

When he noticed that ,  Ezreal smiled, a wide, wolfish grin. 

“Oh, you know. Admiring your decor,” Ezreal hummed, waving a hand towards the posters of his own face. All of them were in pristine condition, unlike the folded and creased K/DA posters and the burns and rips on the Pentakill poster. No, his looked cared for. Cherished. “I heard from your Discord call that you had them and I wanted to see.”

Ezreal could see the way Kayn’s lip twitched in a snarl, his eyes narrowing before he seemed to compose himself, pushing off of Ezreal with a huff of a laugh. 

“Oh, yes. Me, the biggest fan of Ezreal. Our little Popstar Prince,” Kayn cackled, pushing the damp strands of his hair out of his eyes, quirking an eyebrow. “I was just finishing up with my Pentakill poster before moving onto yours.”

Ezreal’s eyes flicked over to the poster across the room again, at the countless holes in the paper, definitely a sign of longtime abuse. The darts had been thrown time and time again and from the looks of it; it had been going on long before they’d moved into the shared house. 

“You can just admit it, Kayn,” Ezreal hummed with a shrug of his shoulders, a cocky smile on his lips as he turned his eyes back to where his posters were hung up with tape instead of tacks. There was still a slight curl to the edges where they’d definitely been rolled up, not folded. “You’re a fan. Nothing wrong with liking pop music.”

“I do not like that shit.” The roll of Kayn’s eyes was dramatic, disdain clear in his voice as crossed his arms over his chest. Ezreal tried not to follow the motion, knowing that it would lead to him admiring the size of Kayn’s arms and his broad chest. He’d been through that far too many times before. 

“Oh, is it that you like me then?” Ezreal giggled, loving the way his words seemed to push all the right buttons. He was sure he could see steam coming from Kayn’s ears with every word. “Hm? Just be honest. You wanna kiss me so bad.”

The action was followed by Ezreal making a loud mockery of kissing noises, watching the way all the anger flooded into Kayn’s eyes again. 

And not too long after a hand took his throat, lips crashed into his. The force of it knocked his head back against the door, but Ezreal couldn’t even take the time to register the pain. All of his senses were completely overpowered by Kayn. By the tight grip he had on Ezreal's throat, his other hand braced against the door. The way he kissed Ezreal with so much force and hunger, as if he were a starved man and he was handed a meal. 

There was something behind the way he kissed, his hand shaking around Ezreal’s throat. And fuck, Ezreal could feel his whole body warming, his heart racing as he took in the clean scent of Kayn; some shitty body wash and cheap shampoo, but it was so very Kayn that it made Ezreal’s knees weak. 

But as his hand lifted, prepared to pull the man closer and actually kiss him back, Kayn was pulling back. He tore himself away from Ezreal like it burned. Sharp, ragged breaths hissed as his clenched teeth, anger still clear in his eyes despite the bright red blush on his cheeks.

Ezreal wanted to speak, wanted to ask what the fuck just happened. He wanted answers. But there was too much in his mind. And like a wild animal caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle, Ezreal felt his flight kick in.

So, without a single answer, cheeks that were burning and a racing heart, Ezreal ran. He darted out of the room and was far too impatient to even run down the stairs, blinking down to the living room instead.

He was out of the house without a single idea on where he was going. He just needed to get out and think. He wouldn’t be getting answers from Kayn, but he at least needed to sort out what was going on in his own head. And his heart.

Days passed before Ezreal could even bring himself to face Kayn again. They'd danced around each other, tactfully avoiding being in the same areas. And while it may have been an accident on Kayn's part, it was most definitely on purpose for Ezreal. He could hardly bring himself to think about Kayn without remembering the hot press of his lips. There was no way he could bring himself to look at Kayn without combusting into burning flames.Just the thought of seeing him would make Ezreal blush and fumble around in his own mind.

After taking his walk, Ezreal had been unable to piece together what exactly he'd felt from the kiss. Well, other than the fact that it felt good. No, more like great . And that he wanted to do it again. And again.Somehow, that one kiss had single handedly forgiven all of the horrors that Ezreal had seen in Kayn's room.

When they finally crossed paths again, it wasn't even by Ezreal’s doing. He was in his room, minding his own business as he wrestled with his internal thoughts once more when the door thumped open. And with hardly even a glance, he saw that head of pink hair and his heart rate spiked.

Sitting up as if his bed was burning him, Ezreal stared at Kayn with wide eyes, throat feeling far too tight.

And yet Kayn seemed perfectly composed as he stepped in, his one visible eye flicking around the whole room. A small sneer was pulling at his lips the whole time before his gaze turned to Ezreal.

“You seemed judgy about my room,” Kayn huffed, crossing his arms over his chest before he kicked the door shut behind him, stepping closer to the bed. Having the door closed only made Ezreal's nerves spike even more. Last time a door had been closed— “Your room’s alright, I guess.”

“Definitely smells better than yours,” Ezreal mumbled, and though the banter seemed to come naturally, he couldn’t bring himself to even look at Kayn’s face. Really, he looked at everything but his face. The way he looked so misplaced in the pastels of Ezreal’s room. The pale, yellow walls were a stark contrast to the faded black of Kayn’s sweater. 

Speaking of that sweater, why the fuck was he wearing it when he had it draped around his elbows, leaving his biceps out? The tattoos on his arm were so dark compared to his pale skin and the way he crossed his arms made his muscles flex ever-so-slightly. Then again, at least he was wearing a tanktop, a huge improvement from him being shirtless last time he’d been around Ezreal. 

Oh no, he was thinking about the kiss again.

“My room does not smell bad!” Kayn snapped, his narrowed eye lowering to the floor. And for a brief moment, Ezreal thought he was going to stay like that, but soon, his tense posture loosened a bit. A frown pulled at his lips. “Does it..?”

His voice was hesitant, almost sounding embarrassed. 

Ezreal hadn’t believed that Kayn would experience any feelings other than anger, really. It took him aback for a moment and he paused, seeing the awkward shuffle of Kayn’s feet on the hardwood floor. 

“I mean...” Ezreal paused, lowering his feet to the ground, toes touching the plush carpet next to his bed. The soft, white fur against his skin calmed Ezreal as he tried to piece together his words. “I wouldn’t say your room smells good, no. Honestly, I don’t know how you breathe in there. I think I almost choked.”

Despite the strange tension between them, Kayn huffed out a laugh. It was softer than Ezreal had ever heard, nothing like the sharp, wolfish cackle that would normally leave his mouth. No, this was a low chuckle, one that made Ezreal’s skin tingle.

“I suppose I must have gotten used to it,” Kayn shrugged, stepping further into the room. They fell into silence once more as Kayn walked around, eye flicking over every little detail of Ezreal’s room, inspecting everything around him. And all Ezreal could do was watch. He sat uselessly on his bed as Kayn poked at a little stuffed bear on one of his shelves. 

“If you wanna stay…” Ezreal paused, feeling his heart rate skyrocket as the words left his lips. God, his face was burning and he couldn’t keep his hands from shaking where he gripped his blanket. “You’re welcome to hang out here.”

Kayn stopped where he was examining the box of vinyls on Ezreal’s dresser. With his back to Ezreal, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. There was a hint of tension in his shoulders, but then again…Kayn was always tense. 

“The little Popstar Prince is inviting me to hang out with him?” Kayn huffed a laugh, though he didn’t turn around. He continued to flick through the vinyls. But the longer he did that, the more noticeable it became that his hands were shaking. “Aren’t I poor company for your tastes?”

“What?” Those words caught Ezreal off guard, and he blinked his wide eyes at Kayn. Normally, Ezreal would respond with some sort of snarky comment. He would find some way to continue their banter, but something about the tone in Kayn’s voice was so… vulnerable. His words weren’t a joke. It was a genuine question. “Of course not.”

It was a bit strange to admit it when the two of them spent all their time bickering back and forth, insulting and practically tearing each other apart. But Ezreal didn’t hate Kayn. In fact, he really did enjoy his company. He liked having him around and the constant banter always made him feel so happy. Had Kayn never realized that Ezreal’s words had been in good fun? That he didn’t really mean any of the horrible things he would say?

Then that also brought into question if all of Kayn’s words had been serious, if he’d meant all of the jabs that he would send Ezreal’s way. But if that was the case, if Kayn really did hate Ezreal, why did he kiss him?

The silence between them was horribly tense and Ezreal gnawed on his lip as he waited for Kayn to speak, waited for anything. But once again, he was frozen, the vinyls forgotten under his shaking hands. 

When his hands finally moved again, they were quickly shoved into the pockets of his sweater, another slow, rumbling chuckle coming from Kayn’s throat. The sound made Ezreal’s heart flutter, his mind going fuzzy. Had Kayn’s laugh always done that to him? Surely not. 

“I mean, I would be stupid to pass up an offer like this,” Kayn hummed, glancing over his shoulder with that stupid smirk on his lips. “Some people would pay good money to spend time with you.”

“Fans of mine would,” Ezreal retorted weakly as he watched Kayn drop himself into the moon chair in the corner of the room, still looking so out of place with the plush fur blanket around him. Seeing that smile still on Kayn’s lips, Ezreal felt another biting remark on the tip of his tongue, one that he couldn’t hold back. “You know, people who have walls covered in my posters. Fans.”

The mention of the posters had Kayn’s lip twitching, his canines flashing for a moment before he turned away. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, completely ignoring Ezreal’s comment as he scrolled through the device. Really, Ezreal wasn’t much bothered by it. It was clear that the posters were a bit of a sore spot for Kayn, messing with his bad boy persona. It was clear that he didn’t want to admit that he was a fan of pop music or Ezreal or maybe both. 

Ezreal took the silence as a win as he stood up, stepping over to the vinyls that Kayn had been flipping through, taking a moment to look through them before pulling one out of the crate. Electra Heart had always been his favourite to listen to on his record player, finding the songs to sound much better with the gentle crackle that came with using vinyls. It also helped that he had the pink version, which meant it looked cuter spinning on the clear purple player he had, decorated with stickers he’d collected over the years. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Ezreal could see Kayn watching him set up the music, carefully setting the pastel record on the table. He couldn’t hold back the small smile on his lips as the familiar crackle sounded, soon followed by the upbeat intro to Bubblegum Bitch. If Kayn was going to spend some time with him, he would at least get the proper experience of Ezreal’s room. 

With the music playing, Ezreal danced through his room, turning on the fairy lights that draped across his entire ceiling before he finally stepped over to his bedside table, pausing as his eyes flicked through all of the candles on the bottom shelf. Most had been started but he couldn’t quite decide which one he was feeling. Maybe something citrusy? Or floral? 

But the sight of the blue, sunkissed linen candle had Ezreal’s mind made up. Grabbing it, he lit the wicks before setting it on the table. And with all of that done, he settled in on his plush mattress, humming when his head hit the pillow. The smell wafted through the room and Ezreal felt his whole body relax with all of the steps taken to make his room as comfortable as possible.

“You do that every day?” Kayn asked, a small bite to his voice. Rolling his head to the side, Ezreal watched as Kayn’s skeptical gaze flicked around the room. From the fairy lights with vines laced through the wires, to the candle, and then finally, the record player. Ezreal wondered if the harsh guitar of MARINA’s music was enough to pique Kayn’s attention. “That seems like a lot.”

“But it’s nice, is it not?” Ezreal countered, arms spreading out on his bed as he let the warm energy of the room wrap him in a nice embrace. It always felt so right to have his room in such a state, a stark contrast from the darkness of Kayn’s room. 

And sure enough, Kayn hesitated. The question was met with a silence that Ezreal took as a very reluctant yes from Kayn. 

“It’s so nice to just play some music, light a candle and lay in bed,” Ezreal hummed contently, fingers trailing over the soft cotton of his bedsheets, eyes falling shut. “Nowhere I’d rather be than in my bed.”

Normally, Ezreal had a pretty keen sense of hearing, perfected with constant training in his music. But the sound of Starring Role was far too distracting for him to notice the sound of soft footsteps against his floor.

It wasn’t until Kayn was flopping himself onto Ezreal’s bed, that he realized that he’d even moved. The feeling of the bed moving had Ezreal gasping, not having enough time to move his arm before Kayn was laying back on the bed, head falling onto Ezreal’s pillow, hardly even a foot away. 

He didn’t look at Ezreal, staring up at the ceiling above instead. His cheeks were stained a light pink as he tactfully avoided Ezreal’s imploring eyes. 

The feeling of one his arms trapped under Kayn’s back wasn’t the most comfortable, but Ezreal wasn’t going to lie. It felt nice. His body was warm and though he seemed to have his guard up, Ezreal could tell there was something different to Kayn at that moment. Something vulnerable.

Shifting onto his side, Ezreal rested his cheek against his pillow, closing a little bit of the space between them. And though Kayn tensed a bit, he still didn’t look at Ezreal.

Silence stretched between them. So many questions built on the tip of Ezreal’s tongue. 

Do you hate me? What do you feel for me? What happened that day? Why do you have posters of me? Why did you kiss me? 

Why did you kiss me?

But he remained quiet. He stared at Kayn, let his eyes flick over his sharp nose and high cheekbones. His expression was unreadable with the eyepatch over his red eye and a part of Ezreal really hated how he looked with the black fabric over his eye. He knew that having the eyepatch on served to keep Rhaast more contained. With the eyepatch on, Rhaast had less of a chance of taking over.till, Ezreal hated it.

Almost unconsciously, Ezreal’s hand lifted to Kayn’s face, carefully tracing over the black straps that kept the eyepatch secured. The touch of his fingers had Kayn tensing slightly and Ezreal paused. But when Kayn relaxed again, Ezreal let his fingers trail over the edge of the eyepatch.

The fabric was so dark compared to the pale skin on Kayn’s cheeks. Was it comfortable? Did Kayn prefer having it on? He looked so good without it. That was a thought Ezreal had let cross his mind so many times. Through the entire filming of PARANOIA, he’d let himself indulge in that thought, that he liked seeing Kayn’s face without the eyepatch. Something about the pink glow to his other eye, a sign of Rhaast’s possession, was so intriguing. 

Normally, Kayn would keep the eyepatch on at home, something that Ezreal could never understand. Was he not comfortable enough around them to take it off?

With his knuckles tracing over Kayn’s cheek, Ezreal felt his heart racing in his chest. His skin was softer than expected, just as his lips had been. 

Fuck, stop thinking about that.

As if he’d picked through Ezreal’s thoughts, Kayn’s hand lifted, his fingers brushing against Ezreal’s for a moment before he carefully pulled off the eyepatch, dropping it to the pillow between them. And after his eye fluttered open, the bright red iris flicked over to look at Ezreal. 

“What?” Kayn finally asked, his voice a low rumble in his chest, sending a sharp spark through Ezreal’s heart. 

“You look good like this,” Ezreal whispered before he could even get the words through his own mind. And the second they left his lips, Ezreal felt his cheeks burn and his head lifted off the pillow. “Without the eyepatch, I mean!”

God, had that sounded creepy? It felt creepy.

But as Kayn’s cheeks darkened slightly, his eyes flicked away, something that Ezreal was quickly picking up as a sign of embarrassment. 

“You think so?” Kayn huffed out a weak laugh, something that Ezreal had never expected to hear from him. Hesitation. “Karthus found the eye weird. Told me to start covering it up.”

“And you listened? That doesn’t sound like you.” Ezreal couldn’t help but joke. Despite the eyepatch being gone, Ezreal’s knuckles still traced over Kayn’s skin gently, almost unconsciously. He was sure that he was imagining it when Kayn leaned a bit closer to the touch, eyelashes fluttering. “But really, those guys are fucking idiots.”

“Foul language from the Popstar Prince,” Kayn huffed out a laugh, head shifting a bit to the side until both his eyes could fall on Ezreal. With the new position, Ezreal had to move his hand to give Kayn room to rest against the pillow. He missed the feeling of Kayn’s cheek against his hand, but with his other arm still trapped under Kayn’s body, there wasn’t much he could do.

“They deserve it,” Ezreal shrugged, a small smile pulling at his lips. “They kicked you out for something that you can’t help.”

Those words had shock filling Kayn’s eyes, his head lifting slightly.

“Wait, you actually believe me? That they kicked me out?” Kayn asked, sounding much more surprised than Ezreal ever would have expected.

“I—Yes? Why wouldn’t I?” 

“Most people don’t believe me,” Kayn murmured as he lifted himself onto his elbows. The shift in position allowed for Ezreal to take his arm back. And though he hadn’t minded much, he could feel his arm tingle with the return of blood flow. “Guess I didn’t expect you to believe me, either.”

“You don’t think very highly of me,” Ezreal huffed with a small smile, watching his words bring a smile to Kayn’s lips as he settled back on the bed again, moving so that he was laid on his side as well. They were so close, enough so that the scent of Kayn’s body wash was much more noticeable than the candle that was burning. He could pick up the hints of sage and sandalwood along with whatever other concoction was needed to make the very distinct man smell. 

“That is not true. You are our royal highness, the Popstar Prince,” Kayn said dramatically, his smile so much more relaxed as he spoke. His hand rested on the bed between them, fingers twitching against the blanket. A small part of Ezreal’s mind wanted him to reach out, wanted to hold that hand that he’d previously felt against his throat. Would it be just as warm? Would his calluses be more noticeable now that he wasn’t freshly showered? 

Distracting himself from those thoughts, Ezreal lifted his eyes back to Kayn’s, a small smile on his lips. The tension that had hung heavy between them before had thinned, leaving something so very comfortable in that small space between them. Ezreal couldn’t quite explain it. He just felt right, laid there next to Kayn, laughing and joking like they had before. Even if there was a little flutter in his chest every single time Kayn spoke, it felt like things were going back to how they had been before. 

“I think you should forget everything that Karthus ever said to you. Honestly, whatever anyone from Pentakill said to you, all of that should just be thrown out the window.” Ezreal waved a hand for emphasis, a smile on his lips. “As the Prince here, I think I can demand of you that you only listen to me from now on.”

There was something in Kayn’s eyes as he watched Ezreal, something so very soft. It was unfamiliar, a look that Ezreal had never seen before, but it was gone just as quickly as it had appeared. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kayn hummed as he rolled onto his back again. He stared up at the ceiling again and Ezreal felt as if he was slammed in the chest with something so powerful, knocking the air from his lungs. There was something so heavy and warm in his chest, watching the way that Kayn smiled. It was the same feeling he’d gotten when he’d felt Kayn’s lips on his own. 

Ezreal tried not to think about that kiss too much as he rested his cheek on the pillow, eyes feeling heavy from the calm atmosphere around him. With the silence and the comfort of Kayn on the bed next to him, Ezreal tried his best to stifle a yawn.

Without thinking much, Ezreal touched Kayn’s arm, fingers tracing tiredly over the looping pattern on his tattoo. This time, Kayn didn’t tense at the touch, a small smile on his lips as he rolled his head to the side, their eyes meeting once again. 

It was strange. This man seemed like an entirely different person than the one that would constantly tease Ezreal and do his best to make his life a living hell. And yet it was still him. It was still Kayn, with that stupid smirk and those mismatched eyes. The same Kayn that spoke so fondly of a demon that lived within his body and that had given up his spot in the song for said demon. This side of Kayn was one that Ezreal didn’t see too often, but while it was uncommon, it was definitely one that he’d seen hints of here and there. But this was the first time that it was being shown for anyone but Rhaast. 

Now, it was for Ezreal.

His heart warmed at that thought and Ezreal couldn’t help but smile, hand coming to rest against Kayn’s arm, thumb carefully tracing over his skin.

“What are you smiling at?” Kayn asked quietly, his voice hardly above a whisper. The sound made Ezreal’s heart race and his skin tingle. He loved the sound.

“I’m just happy,” Ezreal replied, unable to find much more of an answer within his own mind. Not one that didn’t bear his whole heart before Kayn. “Will you stay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m tired. I wanna nap,” Ezreal huffed, shifting ever closer, his knee bumping against Kayn’s thigh as he got himself comfortable. “But I don’t want you to leave.”

Kayn was quiet for a moment and though he seemed hesitant, he slowly nodded. 

“Then I’ll stay.” It felt so strange to hear Kayn speak so softly to him. But what made everything so much stranger was for Kayn to reach over to pull Ezreal’s blanket over him. And though Kayn wasn’t under it, Ezreal could still feel the warmth of his body.

With a smile on his lips, Ezreal snuggled in closer to his pillow, his fingers curling into the fabric of Kayn’s hoodie as his eyes fell shut. He hardly even heard it as he fell asleep, but distantly, Kayn’s voice slipped into his thoughts with a warmth pressing against his forehead. 

“It scares me to think that I wouldn’t even want to leave.”

From that day on, not a single day passed where Kayn wasn’t in Ezreal’s room. Sometimes, he would settle himself on the moon chair, and others, he would lay on the bed next to Ezreal, just like the first time. And while normally Kayn would try to offer excuses for being there that didn’t really make sense, they always ended up together  in the calm, welcoming atmosphere that Ezreal had noticed the first time. 

It was like Kayn needed a moment to let his guard down, to lower the impenetrable walls he had around him at all times. And he found himself comfortable enough with Ezreal to finally let himself be vulnerable. 

Each day, they would cycle through a new vinyl in Ezreal’s collection, and even if Kayn would make some snarky comment about how he thought it was horrible, he would still tap his foot along to the music once it started.

With every passing day, Ezreal felt as if he was discovering new parts of Kayn, learning more and more about him. 

And yet there was one question that never seemed to get answered, one thing that Ezreal couldn’t piece together. The kiss. They talked about anything and everything. Kayn had exposed so much of his inner workings and thoughts, but not once did either of them find the courage to speak of that day. Of the kiss, or of the way Ezreal had felt both of their hearts racing.That was a subject that went untouched, no matter how much he wanted to talk about it. 

Ezreal didn’t want to push Kayn beyond what he was comfortable with.It was almost like he was a wild animal that Ezreal was trying to gain the trust of. Their days spent together were like laying out food to trap a feral cat. 

As if beckoned by music playing on the record player, Kayn let himself into Ezreal’s room like he owned the place. Without even looking away from the candles he was sorting through, Ezreal knew it was him; no one else would just walk in unannounced. 

“You know, you spend a lot of time here. Getting tired of your own room?” Ezreal hummed as he grabbed a sugar lemon candle. With a flick of his lighter, he got the wicks lit and set it down, turning to look at where Kayn was pulling off his eyepatch, setting it on the dresser.

That had become a common occurrence. While Kayn was still hesitant to show his eye too much around the others, it seemed he was comfortable enough around Ezreal to take off his eyepatch. Almost immediately upon entering his room, he would set it to the side. Ezreal wondered if it was because he’d said that he liked the way Kayn looked without it. Or maybe it was just because he knew Ezreal didn’t find his eye scary. Either way,  it made Ezreal happy. 

“Not a chance,” Kayn huffed, dropping himself back on Ezreal’s bed, arms crossed behind his head. “Now, what’s the combo for today?”

“Sugared Lemon Zest and Studio Killers,” Ezreal hummed. Another pattern they’d fallen into over the past couple weeks. Though he claimed he had no interest in Ezreal’s routine, he would always ask the artist they were listening to as well as which candle Ezreal had picked for the day.

The only answer Kayn gave was a quiet hum, cracking his eye open to watch as Ezreal settled on the edge of the bed. Silence fell between them as Kayn watched Ezreal, his eye flicking to where Ezreal was playing with the long strands of his hair. 

“Have you tried braiding it?” Kayn asked, reaching a hand out to carefully touch the strands that draped down Ezreal’s back. The touch sent goosebumps over Ezreal’s skin, his heart jolting at the feeling of Kayn’s hand on his back. It was so gentle and mindless, but it made Ezreal’s skin tingle. 

“I haven’t, no. I’m not super great at braids, honestly,” Ezreal laughed, flicking his hair back over his shoulder so he could lean back on his hand instead, tilting his head. “Could never get the hang of it.”

“Want me to try it for you?” Kayn asked, sitting up so they could properly look at each other. His hand didn’t leave Ezreal’s hair, twirling the strands between his fingers mindlessly. 

“You know how to braid hair?” Ezreal couldn’t keep the shock out of his voice and this seemed to bring a little spark of amusement to Kayn’s eyes.

“That hard to believe? Have you never seen pictures of me from when I was in Pentakill?”

The question plunged the room into silence. Honestly, Ezreal hadn’t, figuring that Kayn had looked the same. It had only been a couple years ago, so he’d assumed not much had changed, but…

“Here, lemme braid it. While I do that, you should look up some of my old pictures,” Kayn laughed, shifting until he could sit behind Ezreal on the bed. There was a bit of shifting around behind him and Ezreal felt his whole body warming up as Kayn settled on his bed, a hand lowering to carefully rest on Ezreal’s waist as he stretched a leg out, foot hanging off the edge of the bed. Ezreal could hardly keep his mind straight with that touch, his heart racing. Kayn did it so naturally despite the fact that he’d never touched Ezreal in such a delicate way. And it was a touch that, even when he removed his hand, Ezreal could still feel. He could feel the warmth of his palm and the callouses on his fingers. It made him dizzy.

The feeling of Kayn’s broad figure behind Ezreal and his careful fingers carding through the long strands of hair made Ezreal’s skin tingle, his head feeling light. His heart felt like it couldn’t beat fast enough, racing faster than it ever had before. It was maddening.

“Your hair is so soft,” Kayn commented, his low, rumbling voice making Ezreal’s stomach twist painfully. “I shouldn’t be surprised that our Popstar Prince takes such good care of himself.”

“Better than whatever 15-in-1 shampoo combo you use,” Ezreal mustered up a reply, pulling out his phone to distract himself from the gentle pull on his hair, the sound of Kayn laughing behind him making his vision go fuzzy for a moment. 

“Listen, if I can get a product to clean me, the house, and the car all for the same price of one bottle of your hair products, I’m gonna do it,” Kayn laughed, tugging on Ezreal’s hair gently before he smoothed through it again with much kinder hands. 

Ezreal really tried his best to ignore Kayn’s hands in his hair, focusing on instead looking up Kayn’s social media, pulling up his Twitter account. And while the majority of it was newer promotions for HEARTSTEEL, Ezreal knew it went back much further than that. Judging by the fact that the account had been created nearly a decade earlier, Ezreal assumed he would probably have to scroll for a while to get to the beginning.

But thankfully, he only needed to get through a couple years of posting, filtering it by photos and media. 

As Kayn’s fingers worked through his hair, Ezreal scrolled through all of the photos that had been posted on Kayn’s account. Lots of selfies, some that were normal, some that were outfit checks and some that could downright be considered thirst traps. Ezreal tried not to focus on those ones, but found his thumb hesitating over the screen on occasion, taking a moment before scrolling. 

There was also an obnoxious amount of reaction images, gifs and memes, some of which Ezreal would find himself smiling at. Especially ones that would have a really shitty version of one of the members drawn into it. Ezreal wondered if Kayn had ever posted about him before they’d both joined HEARTSTEEL. Maybe he’d look for that next. Did he retweet fan edits? Or post about his love for You’re My Museum?  

Just the idea of that made Ezreal giggle. It made the time pass easier as he scrolled through the ungodly amount of photos. He hardly even paid any attention, at least not until a hand reached around him to stop his thumb from scrolling. 

“You’re skipping them,” Kayn laughed, hand paused where it was braiding to bring Ezreal’s attention down to the screen. 

And that’s when he saw it. That was Kayn’s face, those were his mismatched eyes, his sharp nose, silly smirk and those were even his tattoos. But in the photo, Kayn had hair that nearly reached his knees, messy and pitch black. The only colour came from a single streak of vibrant blue through the bangs that hung in his eyes. 

Ezreal simply stared at the photo for a moment with eyes blown wide. And slowly, almost hesitantly, he scrolled. While Kayn’s hair was loose in a couple of the photos, many of them had the long strands pulled back into a long braid.

“Holy shit,” Ezreal huffed, eyes wide as he scrolled past photo after photo of Kayn with a long, jet black braid. And he didn’t let it go unnoticed that Kayn was shirtless in half of his photos. If he was bad for posting thirst traps currently, it was nothing compared to what he’d been posting before. It seemed Kayn had always known he was hot, and Ezreal was really finding it hard to disagree while he stared at countless photos of Kayn’s muscled back and long hair. 

“There’s a reason I know how to braid,” Kayn laughed, leaning forward until his chin was resting on Ezreal’s shoulder, the warmth of his breath of Ezreal’s skin making him shiver. “Gotta find a way to live when your hair is that long.”

“It looked amazing,” Ezreal huffed, closing out of Twitter quickly. With Kayn watching so closely, it felt strange to keep scrolling. Ogling seemed like a much more accurate word. “Much better than my hair at that time.”

“You mean the blonde?” Kayn asked it so casually, almost like he hadn’t even realized what he was saying. But as soon as Ezreal didn’t answer, Kayn quickly pulled away, letting out a flurry of incoherent sounds. But before he could even say anything to really defend himself, Ezreal was turning to him with a wide smile. 

“Just admit you’re a fan,” he teased, watching as Kayn’s cheeks burned the brightest shade of red that Ezreal had ever seen. 

“I’m not! Trying to avoid your pictures is like trying to avoid breathing. Your face was literally everywhere two years ago,” Kayn huffed, though he couldn’t meet Ezreal’s eyes as he said it. And with a swift tug to his partially braided hair, he quickly changed the subject. “Now stop looking at me. I have to finish your stupid fucking braids.”

Ezreal laughed and didn’t argue as he turned his head back to allow Kayn to continue working on his hair. He could call them stupid all he wanted but they both know that Kayn had been the one insisting on doing the braids. 

Despite the harsh words from Kayn’s lips, he was still careful with Ezreal’s hair, fingers carding through the long strands with skillful ease. And soon enough, one braid was tossed over Ezreal’s shoulder and Kayn started on the second. The touch of his fingers on the nape of Ezreal’s neck made his heart stutter and he really tried to ignore the way it made his cheeks burn. He liked the warmth of Kayn’s hands. 

Was Kayn someone who liked holding hands?

With that thought, Ezreal could no longer ignore the way his face burned, all the way up to the tips of his ears. Had he really just thought about holding Kayn’s hand? Fuck, he was lucky that his hair was covering his ears, the long underlayer that Kayn was braiding leaving the top layers of his hair untouched. 

“Do you have elastics? This won’t stay in place without them,” Kayn murmured, twisting loose knots into the hair to keep it in place for the time being. 

“I think I might have some,” Ezreal murmured, taking the opportunity to slip off the bed and away from Kayn’s radiating heat. He took his time in walking over to the small vanity next to his closet, digging through the drawers for a moment before he pulled out a couple hair elastics, both a pale blue in colour. He didn’t even remember buying them and wasn’t sure how long they’d been there. 

Before he could lift his head to look in the mirror, a hand covered his eyes, tearing a sharp gasp from his lips. He hadn’t even heard Kayn. Then again, he seemed to be good at sneaking around like that. 

“Don’t look yet. I want it to be a surprise,” Kayn murmured, guiding Ezreal away from the vanity with gentle hands, sitting him back on the bed. It was only when he was sitting again that Kayn removed his hand and Ezreal stared at him with wide eyes, feeling a deep frown pull at his lips. His cheeks were surely a burning red, but Kayn didn’t mention it. In fact, he seemed very distracted with finishing the braids. Kneeling on the floor in front of Ezreal, Kayn pulled the braids over his shoulders, fingers working out the knots. He hummed along to When We Were Lovers as he placed one of the elastics between his teeth, using the other to tie the braid in place quickly before moving onto the other. 

Ezreal couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of Kayn’s face the entire time. His skin looked so warm in the glow of the fairy lights and the sunlight shining through the window. His eyes were focused and Ezreal found something so endearing in the way he pouted, fiddling with the braids a bit before he leaned back on his heels. And finally, his eyes lifted up to Ezreal’s, a small smile on his lips. He looked so cute, like an excited puppy. 

“Okay, you can go look at them.” Ezreal didn’t want to look at anything but Kayn. He looked proud of himself.  Ezreal didn’t want to move an inch when he could stay there with Kayn looking at him, so pleased with himself. He looked so happy.  

Just that thought made Ezreal’s heart warm, his whole body feeling light. The sight of a smile instead of a smirk was so unfamiliar, but it suited Kayn. It suited the pretty pink on his lips and Ezreal felt his heart spike. At that moment, Ezreal wanted nothing more than to kiss those lips again. 

With that thought, Ezreal stood, knowing he needed to look away from Kayn. He couldn’t be thinking like, not when Kayn was just getting comfortable around him. 

Stepping over to the mirror of his vanity, Ezreal couldn’t hold back the wide smile that spread over his lips as he turned his head from side to side, watching the braid slip over his shoulders. They were perfect, not a single strand out of place, and even looking a bit fluffy. It was strange to think that Kayn of all people had done them, but something about it made Ezreal feel so warm and fuzzy inside. It was a hidden side to Kayn that Ezreal was being introduced to, and he couldn’t stop himself from feeling so very overjoyed. 

“They look incredible, Kayn,” Ezreal whispered, straightening to turn and look at Kayn. He was still settled on the plush carpet, a slight sparkle in his eyes. “Thank you so much.”

Ezreal tried to act like he didn’t see the way that Kayn’s cheeks were flushed a soft pink. And it seemed that Kayn was acting like he didn’t see the way Ezreal’s eyes kept flicking down to his soft, pink lips. 

“I like this candle,” Kayn murmured from where he was sitting on Ezreal’s floor, going through each and every candle that he owned. He’d been there for a bit, and Ezreal was beginning to realize that he may have a problem. There were dozens of candles piled on the floor around Kayn, every single one a different scent than the others. 

“Which one is that?” Ezreal asked, hugging his pillow against his chest as he glanced over to where Kayn was sitting. He watched the man sniff the wax again before he lifted it to look at the name. 

“Vampire Blood.” He didn’t even need to say it, Ezreal already recognized the label and the red wax. It wasn’t surprising, really. Not only did the name seem right up Kayn’s alley, but everything about it fit.

“That’s a good one. It’s a Halloween exclusive, so I typically buy a few to last through the year,” Ezreal laughed, sitting up to nod  towards his closet. “I have all my spares in there.”

Just saying that made Ezreal realize that, yes, he did have a problem, and he prepared himself for the teasing from Kayn, but it never came. The only sound that came from the man on the floor was a quiet hum as he capped the candle again before moving onto the next.

That seemed… strange. He wasn’t tearing Ezreal apart like he normally would, wasn’t teasing him or poking any fun. He just continued to sift through the candles.

“Kayn,” Ezreal murmured after a moment, setting his pillow off to the side as he shifted closer to the edge of his bed. The man paused where he was lifting a candle to his nose, eyes flicking up to look at Ezreal. “Why don’t you spend time in your room anymore?”

For a moment, Kayn didn’t answer, lowering the candle as a small smirk pulled at his lips. 

“Is this you telling me to leave?” Kayn laughed, his tone teasing. It was very clear that he was misinterpreting the question to get on Ezreal’s nerves, but he didn’t let it get to him. Instead, he rolled his eyes, a smile on his lips. 

“No, it’s just a question. You hardly left your room before, but now you never leave mine.” While Ezreal laughed at first, it quickly died in his throat when he saw Kayn turn his eyes away, a small frown pulling at his lips as he lifted the candle back to his nose. “It’s not a bad thing. I guess I was just curious.”

“I dunno what to tell you, man. I like it here, I guess,” Kayn shrugged, setting the candle on the floor. Ezreal could see the slightest hint of pink on Kayn’s cheeks as he said it, his jaw tense. 

Kayn’s room was insanely different from Ezreal’s. Darker, messier, and no natural light. It scared Ezreal to know that any of the members were living in such a state. And though Ezreal didn’t want to be one to diagnose someone, he could definitely see something sad and twisted in Kayn. To see him in such a horrible state that his room reflected his lack of self-care pained Ezreal. 

He wanted to help. And surely he wasn’t imagining it when he noticed the difference in Kayn since they’d started spending time in Ezreal’s room. Kayn seemed calmer, he seemed to smile more, and the next thought left Ezreal’s lips before he could even stop it. 

“Do you want me to help you with your room?”

The silence that followed was deafening, his throat tightening when he saw Kayn’s fingers twitch against the glass candle he was holding. Maybe he had been mistaken. Maybe he’d overstepped.

“What the fuck is wrong with my room?” Kayn asked lowly, turning to look at Ezreal with eyes that pierced right through him. It sent a cold shiver through Ezreal’s entire body as he stared back at Kayn. But as he met those eyes, Ezreal found something else in that dark gaze. 

Kayn was guarded. Defensive.  It was the exact same look he’d had when he’d first caught Ezreal in his room. The look that had slowly disappeared with every passing day he spent in Ezreal’s room. 

There it was again. That look of fear, like a trapped animal. Kayn was scared and Ezreal was beginning to realize just how that looked in his mismatched eyes. His fear manifested into anger, into something sharp that would ward off those who tried to come closer.

But Ezreal wasn’t scared of getting pricked. He wasn’t scared of Kayn. He cared about him, probably more than Ezreal was really willing to admit to himself. 

“I’m not saying there’s something wrong with your room, Kayn,” Ezreal sighed, slipping off of the bed until he could kneel on the floor next to Kayn. His hand was hesitant, twitching against his knee for a moment before he took the leap of faith. Reaching out, Ezreal took Kayn’s hand that wasn’t holding a candle, feeling his heart jump at the feeling of those callused fingers lacing with own. It felt perfect, so very right, and Ezreal had to remind himself that he wasn’t doing this for himself. That he was talking and needed to keep talking. He couldn’t look into Kayn’s eyes as he spoke, keeping his eyes on the hand in his own, forcing the words from his lips. “I’m worried about you. You like it here and I want to make sure you like it there as well. Your space should be somewhere you like being.”

Kayn remained silent and Ezreal finally flicked his eyes up to see the way Kayn gritted his teeth, his cheeks a bright shade of red as he turned his head away quickly, looking to the far wall of the room. Ezreal didn’t push, letting Kayn take the words as they were. He could feel the way the man’s fingers twitched, tightening the grip on Ezreal’s hand. 

“Why the fuck would you even want to help me? What do you want out of it?” Kayn practically snapped after a moment. Ezreal knew the heat of his words were definitely fueled by something going on inside of his head. Perhaps goading from Rhaast, or maybe something from his own thoughts. Either way, it sent a sharp ache through Ezreal’s chest to hear those words. 

“The only thing I want out of it is for you to be happy,” Ezreal murmured after a moment, squeezing Kayn’s hand gently. But the warmth of his hand was only there for a moment longer before Kayn tore himself away, standing up. 

“I don’t need your pity, Ezreal,” Kayn huffed, shaking his head as he stepped past the piles of candles on the floor. Ezreal couldn’t even get a word out before Kayn was gone, the door slamming shut behind him. The force shook the entire room and on his dresser, the vinyl scratched and skipped before the player shut off. The candles on the floor shook and wobbled for a moment before the room was plunged into silence once more. 

And there, in the midst of it all, Ezreal was left alone. His eyes didn’t move from the door, from where he’d seen Kayn disappear. Shadows still licked at the floor for a moment before dissipating, the last sign of Kayn. Gone. 

Not wanting to push his luck, Ezreal didn’t go to see Kayn until the next day. He’d stayed in his desolate room for the day, curled up on his bed in a pile of blankets and self-pity. Not even the warmth of his Champagne Toast candle and his Kesha vinyl could pull him out of the anger he was feeling.

How had he fumbled that conversation so badly? He’d really tried to be as gentle as possible, but he’d forgotten that it was Kayn he was dealing with. The man that had been horribly damaged by his previous band, that believed that no one cared for him except for the demon in his head. And while Rhaast was often a voice of reason for Kayn, it seemed he also had the same mindset as Kayn.

That it was just the two of them against the world. That they were alone, they would always be alone, and they didn’t need anyone else. 

And of course, as most thoughts of Kayn progressed, Ezreal’s mind soon drifted back to the kiss. The way Kayn had done it so impulsively, the fact that he’d done it to begin with. Maybe, just maybe, part of him wanted to let someone else into his world. And he’d been testing the waters by coming into Ezreal’s first.

After wrestling with his own thoughts through the entire night, finding his room to be much lonelier without Kayn’s presence, Ezreal finally decided he needed to talk to him. 

So, after digging through his closet for a moment, Ezreal pulled out one of his spare Vampire Blood candles and made his way to Kayn’s room. Maybe a peace offering would help to mend the rift Ezreal had caused between them.

Opening the door to his room, Ezreal stared across the hallway to where Kayn’s door greeted him. His eyes flicked over the caution tape that had been wrapped around the door and he stared at the stupid Beware of Rhaast sign. Last time he’d really faced that door had been the same day he’d been pinned up against it and kissed by the man that had since occupied his every thought. Even the thought of knocking sent a wave of anxiety through his body. Maybe Kayn wouldn’t even open the door, maybe he’d ignore the knocks. Maybe—

The latch clicked and the door was pulled open to reveal Kayn, looking tired and disheveled, staring across the hall at Ezreal like he’d known he was there. 

“How long are you gonna stand there?” Kayn practically growled, raising an eyebrow. He was wearing his eyepatch again and Ezreal felt a sharp pang in his chest. 

With shaking hands, Ezreal lifted the candle and that seemed to shock Kayn, his eye widening ever so slightly. He stared at it for a moment before reaching out to carefully take it from Ezreal’s hands. As Kayn stared at the candle, Ezreal’s eyes flicked to the room behind Kayn. The LED lights were off, plunging it into pure darkness. Ezreal felt his heart ache. 

“I’m sorry,” Ezreal whispered, eyes flicking back to Kayn’s face, knowing he couldn’t bear to see the dark room that Kayn was hiding away in. “I shouldn’t have—”

“It’s fine,” Kayn huffed, almost sounding irritated as he said it. He tapped his fingers against the glass candle for a moment before he stepped to the side, leaving the door to his room completely open. And for a moment, Ezreal wasn’t quite sure what to do. He really didn’t want to go into Kayn’s room, but then it clicked just how vulnerable this moment was making Kayn. This was a place that he never let any of the members into. He kept his room well hidden and now he was inviting Ezreal in.

So regardless of how the smell choked him, Ezreal slipped into the room. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get his vision to focus in the darkness, but soon the LED lights were turned on and the room was basked in a vibrant red. 

The door clicked shut and Ezreal felt his heart rate spike. Last time he’d been inside of Kayn’s room—

“Is your offer still up?” Kayn asked quietly, and when Ezreal turned to look at him, Kayn’s eyes were on the floor. It was hard to tell in the dark lighting, but Kayn looked embarrassed. His grip on the candle was tight, his eyebrows pulled together. He was so tense that Ezreal could tell just how uncomfortable he was. 

For a moment, Ezreal wasn’t sure he was understanding correctly. Was this Kayn’s way of asking for help with his room? He had invited Ezreal in and, besides, there wasn’t any other offer that Ezreal could think of. 

So, with a small smile, Ezreal took a step closer to Kayn, setting a hand on his arm to draw his attention away from the floor.

“Of course it is. As long as you’re okay with it.” And to his surprise, Kayn didn’t bite back with a snarky remark. He didn’t roll his eyes. He didn’t even smirk.  

All he did was give a small nod.

The way Ezreal felt his heart flutter was terrifying. Kayn didn’t even do anything, yet Ezreal felt his knees go weak. He wanted to hug Kayn, wanted to kiss those pretty lips, wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to be embarrassed to ask for help. Fuck, Ezreal couldn’t explain how proud he was that Kayn had gotten to this point.

“Let me go grab some garbage bags and a laundry basket.” 

Ezreal smiled brightly, squeezing Kayn’s arm before he practically skipped from the room. He couldn’t wait to see what they could do with Kayn’s room. He could remember the short period after leaving his previous record company where he’d felt stagnant. At that time, Ezreal had been in a real slump, and his room had definitely ended up suffering along with his poor mental state. 

But once he’d met the members of HEARTSTEEL and he’d been dragged out of his depressive state, he’d cleaned his room. Just doing that little bit helped to make him feel better. Since then, he’d slowly turned his room into the perfectly comfortable home that it was now. And while his little self-care routine may have seemed a bit silly to Kayn, it was undeniable that he saw how helpful it was. The lights, the music and the candles, they all helped to make him feel complete. Could Kayn find that in his own room? Now that he’d spent so much time with Ezreal in his room, watching his self-care routine, would Kayn adopt something similar?

Ezreal hoped so, but he knew it may take some time. He just hoped that he could be there to help.

In a basket stolen from the laundry room, Ezreal piled a few cleaners, garbage bags, and the dust pan. And with the mop and broom tucked under his arm, Ezreal rushed up the stairs, humming to himself as he took the steps two at a time. 

Slipping into Kayn’s room was a bit strange, but what made the experience even weirder was walking in to see sunlight spilling through the room. Ezreal paused where he stood in the doorway, watching as Kayn waved his hand in the dust that clouded around him, eyes squinted against the bright sunlight. With the bright light shining in through the window, it became clear just how dirty everything was. A thick layer of dust covered almost every surface around and it dawned on Ezreal just how much work there was to be done. 

He was so ready.

Turning around, Kayn coughed quietly, lifting his hand to cover his nose and mouth. But when his eyes met Ezreal’s, he quickly tried to stifle the sound, lowering his hand. Of course Kayn would try to act like he was above coughing. Just the thought of that made Ezreal laugh, setting down the basket, propping up the broom and mop before he closed the door. 

“Been a while since you’ve opened those?” Ezreal asked, trying to get to the other side of the room without stepping on anything, though it seemed that was practically impossible. He settled for kicking the clothes to the side as he finally got over to Kayn.

“Try never opened,” Kayn huffed, trying once again to wave some of the dust out of the way, but only managing to stir it up again. This time, he couldn’t hold back the sharp cough, turning away from Ezreal as he hacked up a lung, choking out a broken, “Jesus fuck!”

“You’re not helping by waving the dust around,” Ezreal laughed, quickly opening the window before he set a hand on Kayn’s back, guiding him away from the dusty window. “You’d think your lungs would be stronger.”

With a pointed glance to the pile of cigarette butts, Ezreal watched as Kayn tried to laugh, though it just devolvedinto another coughing fit. 

“I think,” he wheezed, coughing a few more times before he was able to speak again. “The lung cancer might be taking me now.”

“Not before I see this room spotless. Then you can die.” Ezreal smiled, ushering Kayn to sit on the bed, rubbing a hand against his back to help ease the way his breathing still seemed a bit raspy. And while Ezreal was very close to scolding Kayn for his use of cigarettes when his lungs were so clearly suffering, he stayed quiet. That would be a conversation for later. “Take a breather. I’ll start with the laundry.”

With the window opened, the air was a bit fresher, becoming more and more breathable by the second. On occasion, Ezreal would still huff to get some dust out of his face, but overall, it was already a great help. 

Grabbing the laundry basket, Ezreal piled in as much clothes as he possibly could. Honestly, he wasn’t sure he’d even seen half of those clothes before. When had Kayn gotten them? There were some jeans and dress pants amongst the sweatpants and joggers. A couple of dress shirts here and there, the fabric even feeling as if it was expensive.  

“Stop looking at all of them. Just put them in the basket,” Kayn huffed, pulling one of the red dress shirts from Ezreal’s hands, tossing it in. “No need to go through all of my shit while you help.”

“Sorry, just can’t imagine you wearing something like that,” Ezreal gave a teasing smile, watching as Kayn’s lips quirked slightly. 

“Did you think our entire GQ photoshoot was a fever dream?” Kayn’s smile was so pretty as he said it, tossing a couple articles of clothing into the basket from where he was still settled on the bed. 

“It could have been. Not only did we get you in a dress shirt, but we somehow also wrangled Sett into sleeves,” Ezreal feigned horror as he said it, watching as Kayn burst out into a bright laugh, one so very different from his mischievous, wolfish cackle. This was so genuine, filled with joy, and Ezreal felt his stomach flip at the sound. And seeing his lips stretch into such a bright smile was so heartwarming. It was just like when he’d done Ezreal’s hair, how he’d looked like a completely different person. 

Ezreal liked how Kayn looked when he was happy. 

With hardly even a dent made in the heaps of clothing, the basket was already full. Ezreal sighed as he kicked it towards the door, hoisting himself to his feet.

“Lemme just bring this downstairs and I’ll be—”

“I’ll get it,” Kayn said quickly, standing from the bed to quickly pick up the basket, grunting at the weight of it. “Fuck, not a chance you’re bringing this downstairs.”

“Are you calling me weak?” Ezreal gasped, though he was glad he didn’t need to lift the basket. Even kicking it had sent an ache through his thigh. “Well, fine then! I’ll start on the garbage then.”

Kayn’s chuckle could be heard as he slipped out of the room and Ezreal paused for a moment once he was alone. The silence brought with it the realization that his heart was racing. It was so loud, pounding in his chest like it was trying to escape. Lifting a hand to rest over his chest, Ezreal sighed, gnawing on his lips. 

It was almost painful how his heart seemed to long for Kayn. How his laugh or smile could make Ezreal’s chest ache and his stomach flip. He was being shown such a different side to Kayn, something so much more gentle, and it was making it hard to breathe.

He wanted nothing more than to hold his hand again, feel the touch of his skin and the press of his lips. It was killing him how much he ached for Kayn to let him in. 

Letting out slow, level breaths, Ezreal closed his eyes. He tried to calm the racing of his heart, at least for the time being. He couldn’t let himself get swept up in those emotions whenhe should be focusing on getting Kayn’s room sorted out. 

By the time Kayn returned, Ezreal had started gathering the crushed up cans and take-out containers scattered across the floor. There was a mixture of energy drinks, canned coffee, and alcohol, ahorrifying sight. Ezreal wasn’t sure Kayn had ever considered his habits to be harmful, but to any outsider looking in it was clear that Kayn was destroying himself without even realizing it. 

The entire time, Ezreal remained silent, knowing that what he was witnessing was no joking matter. He didn’t want to tease or poke fun at what he was seeing. Maybe joking would make it more bearable, but Ezreal only felt a pit of pain in his stomach. He wanted to help Kayn, wanted to take away whatever madness he was feeling that needed to be stifled by alcohol and nicotine. 

Tossing everything he could in the garbage, Ezreal could feel Kayn’s eyes on him. He piled more clothes into the newly-emptied laundry basket. The silence was heavy, or maybe Ezreal was just reading it that way because of the weight on his heart. 

“Alright, what’s got you so bent outta shape?” Kayn groaned, poking Ezreal in the back with his foot. It seemed that the heavy atmosphere of the room had been radiating off of Ezreal. “You’re really bringing the mood down.”

Ezreal sighed as he stuffed another beer bottle into the bag, unable to turn to look at Kayn. If he did, he wasn’t sure he could keep himself together.

“Do you realize how depressing your room is?” Ezreal asked quietly, picking up a couple more crumpled food bags before he found yet another beer bottle. “Kayn, this is scary.”

“A man can have a drink once in a while,” Kayn shrugged off easily, but Ezreal sighed, dropping the bottle into the bag. He knew Kayn wouldn’t take his words seriously. And maybe it was that silence that made him pause, kicking Ezreal’s leg gently. “What are you so worried about?”

“You, obviously. You’re so… sad. And you don’t even seem to realize it,” Ezreal sighed, dropping the bag as he finally stood up, turning to look at where Kayn had a few shirts piled up on his arm. He looked shocked by Ezreal’s words, blinking as his visible eye seemed to search Ezreal’s expression. “Or maybe you do realize it and you just ignore it. Kayn, it’s okay to admit that you’re not doing well. But you can’t hide away in your room and destroy yourself. There are people that care about you. Me, the others, we all care about you, and I can only imagine how sad they’d all be to know that you’re—”

Ezreal cut himself off, feeling his throat tighten with every single word, but his hand hung loosely in the air, gesturing over to the desk which was covered in ashes and burnt out cigarettes. And while Kayn followed the gesture, he didn’t turn back to Ezreal, lips pressed together as he simply stared at his desk. With his eyepatch on, his expression was unreadable. 

Swallowing around the thick lump in his throat, Ezreal lifted a hand to rub at his eyes, knowing that they were surely getting misty. God, he felt stupid, having snapped at Kayn when he was supposed to be helping him. He’d told himself to avoid scolding him, he’d known it would be a bad idea. The last thing he needed was for Kayn to kick him out of his room and for the progress to be lost, just like that. 

“I haven’t used them as much.” The whisper from Kayn’s lips was so gentle, quiet and hesitant. Nothing like what Ezreal expected. There it was again, that flash of vulnerability in the way Kayn’s lips pulled into a slight frown. “Not since I started spending time with you.”

Ezreal paused, eyes flicking over to the pack of cigarettes that was ripped open on the desk. It definitely looked new, but only a couple of the sticks were missing. In the few weeks that Kayn had been coming to his room, Ezreal had only noticed the smell of cigarettes a couple of times, but he’d figured that it had been because Kayn had rid himself of the stench beforehand.

He had never expected that Kayn had cut back on smoking. Something about that made Ezreal’s heart jolt and his eyes flicked back to Kayn’s face, to his unreadable expression. That fucking eyepatch was hiding the emotions in Kayn’s eyes. He wanted to rip it off, tell Kayn that he didn’t need it anymore, that his old band shouldn’t have that much of an effect on him. 

But instead, he remained still. He stood there until Kayn finally turned for their eyes to meet again. And for a moment, neither of them spoke. Kayn stared at him before giving a small smile. 

“So, you care about me?” He asked, tipping his head to the side. Of course he would find something to joke about in a situation that had tears prickling in Ezreal’s eyes. Asshole. “How kind of you.”

“You’re insufferable,” Ezreal groaned, though he felt a smile pull at his lips as he grabbed the garbage bag, stepping over to the desk. Without a word, he picked up the ashtray and threw out the entire thing. He paused when he picked up the pack of cigarettes, holding them for a moment before he turned to Kayn. “Think you can quit with just this pack?”

“Not a chance,” Kayn huffed out a laugh, smiling when Ezreal set it back on the desk. “I’ve been smoking since middle school. If I could have quit that easily, I would have already.”

“Jesus fuck. That long?” He tried not to let the horror of that fact sink in, setting to work on cleaning the desk, brushing the burnt matches and cigarette ashes into his palm, dumping it into the garbage bag. 

“Wasn’t in the best crowd growing up.” Once again, he shrugged it off so easily, helping Ezreal gather up some of the bottles that lined the edge of his desk. “Been drinking just as long, so that’s definitely gonna be a difficult habit to kick.”

Silently, Ezreal wondered how often Kayn drank. He’d always noticed that he seemed to have a beer in his hand at least once a day but he’d never thought much of it until…

“I’ll help as much as I can.” It left his lips before he could even really think about it. But it was true. He would be there through Kayn for it, helping him wherever he could. 

Kayn’s response was quiet, hardly even audible, but Ezreal felt his heart flutter the moment it reached his ears.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

Cleaning Kayn’s room took much longer than Ezreal expected. Hours of their time was spent picking up piece after piece of garbage and clothing. A pile had started on the desk of all of the dirty dishes they found. Dishes that they’d all thought had gone missing. Next to that was a pile of all of the guitar picks that had been found scattered around the floor. 

“Honestly, I’d drop one and just grab a new one. Never really thought to look for them,” Kayn murmured as he tossed another pick into the pile. Where did he even get that many picks? Had he just been buying more when he ran out?

Regardless, they cleaned through everything they could. They did load after load of laundry, using extra detergent to hopefully remove the smell from the clothes that had definitely been on the floor since shortly after they’d moved in. 

As Kayn set to work on running through another load of laundry, his bed now stripped and the bedding being dragged down the stairs, Ezreal set to work on the floor. Sweeping up everything that remained on the hardwood floor, Ezreal found crumbs, dust, torn pieces of paper that surely came from a lyric book, and so many matches. Thankfully, since the room wasn’t too big, the sweep didn’t take long, and he’d already moved on to mopping when Kayn came back. 

A quiet whistle slipped from Kayn’s lips as he flicked his eyes around the room, now practically spotless. But while it was cleaner, there was still the graffiti on the walls and the vibrant red LED lights that made it obvious that this was Kayn’s room. Ezreal hoped that, one day, Kayn would rid himself of the Pentakill poster. He hoped that he would be healed enough to throw it out. But for now, he knew that it was at least an outlet to rid Kayn of the rage inside of his soul. 

And if Ezreal happened to bump into the knife that was stabbed through Karthus’ head, pushing it in deeper, that wasn’t his fault. 

With a soft sigh, Ezreal scrubbed the mop over the floor once more before he leaned it up against the wall, turning to glance around at all of their hard work. 

It was the sound of a match behind him that made Ezreal jump. And at first, he felt a hollow pit in his stomach, wondering if Kayn was lighting up a cigarette. But when he turned, he watched as Kayn held the flame up to the fresh wicks of the Vampire Blood candle. And once all three wicks were burning, he blew out the match and tossed it in the garbage. He didn’t even look at the pack of cigarettes as he set the candle down, coming to stand next to Ezreal. 

“I had no idea my room looked like this,” Kayn admitted with a quiet laugh. “Forgot I had a floor.”

“Crazy, isn’t it?” Ezreal smiled, bumping his elbow against Kayn’s side before he glanced over to Kayn’s bed. Or, more specifically, the posters above his bed. And for a moment, he simply stared at them, his own face staring back at him. One of him doing a finger heart from a magazine, one that had come with his album, and one that he was pretty sure had been exclusive to a preorder. 

“I can get rid of them,” Kayn murmured from next to Ezreal. 

“What? No!” He couldn’t help but laugh, seeing the embarrassment clearly in Kayn’s eye when he turned around. “I don’t mind, really. It’s a bit funny but I… I like it.”

Ezreal couldn’t help but giggle, feeling his cheeks burn as he glanced back to the posters on the wall. In their pristine condition, they felt so out of place in Kayn’s room. And while he didn’t want to rough them up at all, there was something that he could do to make them fit a bit better amongst all the other posters. 

With Kayn’s attention pulled away by the dryer chiming from down the stairs, Ezreal set to work stepping over to the desk, picking up one of the countless paint markers that had been tossed into a coffee mug in the corner. Of course, he plucked out the vibrant green, a smile on his lips as he glanced over his shoulder to ensure that Kayn was still downstairs, working on the laundry. 

He shook the pen, listening to it click and rattle before he climbed up on the bare mattress, humming to himself as he pulled the cap off between his teeth, settling a hand on the first poster. And with practiced precision, Ezreal signed each of the three posters that hung above Kayn’s bed. The first one was a bit messy, the paint running a bit from where he’d pressed a little too hard. But he’d started with the basic album poster for just that reason. It would be easy to replace if Kayn wanted to. 

When he stepped back, capping the marker again, Ezreal smiled at his handy work. A thump at the door pulled Ezreal’s attention away from his own images and signatures, smiling when he saw Kayn standing in the doorway, the laundry basket dropped to the floor. His eye was wide with shock as he stared at the posters.

 “You like it?” Ezreal giggled, stepping off the bed with ease, dropping the marker back into the mug. The smile that slowly pulled at Kayn’s lips was so cute, making Ezreal’s stomach twist. Pretty. “A signed preorder poster? Definitely worth something.”

“Yeah? I’ll post it on eBay right now,” Kayn laughed, pushing the laundry basket into his room with enough force that it bumped his bed frame. “While I do that, you okay doing this?”

Ezreal couldn’t help but laugh along, pulling out the sheets from the laundry basket without arguing. They smelled nice, far different from the time Ezreal had tumbled face first into them. Now, they had the strong smell of jasmine, courtesy of the essential oils Ezreal always dabbed on the dryer balls. The smell fit perfectly with the candle that burned, the strong scent of jasmine, red berries and plum wafting through the room. 

As he got the bed put back together, Kayn set to work bringing up more and more laundry, all clothes that had finished washing. They moved around each other like it was a dance, easily and harmoniously. Ezreal would feel his heart flutter every time Kayn slipped past him. Every brush of their skin, every touch of their hands or even the soft sounds of Kayn humming would make Ezreal’s vision go blurry.

And though the room looked and smelled completely different, Ezreal knew that the walls around them still held the secret of their kiss. If they could speak, they would whisper of shaking hands and shuddering breaths. A rough, messy kiss that had set Ezreal’s heart alight. Surely they had many more stories, but Ezreal only wanted to hear of the kiss. He wanted to relive it, experience it once more. 

He wanted to feel those lips on his again, and it was so very overwhelming.

With the final pillows tossed onto Kayn’s bed, Ezreal plopped himself down, bouncing on the mattress as he watched Kayn’s back. The heaps of laundry that had been on the floor were now completely clean and, while piled on the floor again, were being sorted through. Ezreal smiled as he watched Kayn pick up shirt after shirt, studying it before either tossing it towards the door or shoving it into his dresser. And while Ezreal wanted to fold them, something about watching Kayn crumple the clothes up into a ball and pushing them out of sight made him smile. 

And for a while, they stayed like that, silent as Ezreal watched Kayn, who seemed completely unaware that he was being admired from across the room. But almost as if he’d sensed it, or maybe it had been Rhaast telling him, Kayn paused, glancing over his shoulder. 

Ezreal felt his throat tighten when their gazes met. Still, through the entire cleaning process, Kayn had kept his eyepatch on. It made something twist in Ezreal’s stomach and, without even thinking, he silently gestured for Kayn to come over to him. Without even a word, Kayn obeyed, dropping his shirt to the floor to be forgotten as he turned and stepped over to the bed.

“What’s up? You look—”

Kayn cut himself off when Ezreal reached his hands up to carefully cup Kayn’s cheeks, a small smile on his lips as he carefully traced his fingers over the thin straps of the eyepatch, following them until he could reach behind Kayn’s head and unclip it, tossing it to the desk without a second thought. But just as quickly as they were gone, Ezreal returned his hands to Kayn’s face. The feeling of that soft skin under his fingertips was so nice, the way his cheeks warmed with Ezreal’s careful touch. 

Quietly, Kayn watched, his cheeks a soft shade of pink as his mismatched eyes flicked over Ezreal’s face. There was something so fragile in his eyes. Fear. Hesitation. Confusion.

Ezreal couldn’t help but smile, his knee bumping against Kayn’s thigh gently, silently beckoning him closer. 

“Now that your room isn’t a mess…” Ezreal whispered, letting his eyes flick over Kayn’s face, admiring every single feature. His pink lips that were slightly parted, the thick lashes around his eyes, and his eyebrows that were pulled together in confusion. Every single feature that made Ezreal’s stomach turn. And with a racing heart and butterflies fluttering in his stomach, Ezreal pushed himself to speak again. “Will you kiss me again?”

The silence between them was thick and Ezreal felt his smile waver, watching the wave of emotions wash through Kayn’s eyes. Had he overstepped? Was that too much? He’d never even asked if Kayn liked him. But if he didn’t, why was he letting Ezreal touch him like—

All at once, Kayn moved. His hands were on Ezreal’s cheeks in seconds and their lips crashed together once again. And though, at first, it was just as messy as their first kiss, Ezreal soon melted into the press of those soft lips and they fell into a rhythm. A careful slide of their lips, hands shaking where they carefully touched each other. Hesitation was clear in every single movement, Kayn’s palm splayed on Ezreal’s cheek as he pulled him closer. 

Ezreal wanted to stay there, wanted to feel the pass of Kayn’s soft pants against his lips, wanted to feel the beat of his heart through his fingertips. He wanted Kayn to kiss him forever, wanted to feel the electricity course through his body, burning his skin and sparking through his veins. But in the end, it was his weak, human lungs that had him pulling away, gasping for breath. And though he was also panting, Kayn chased Ezreal’s lips, their foreheads bumping together. 

“Hang on,” Ezreal chuckled, eyes fluttering open to once again take in the beautiful sight of Kayn’s flushed cheeks and his slightly swollen lips. His hair was a mess from where Ezreal had carded his fingers through it, not even remembering when he’d buried his hands in the soft strands. “Kayn, what’s happening?”

“I don’t know,” Kayn admitted, shifting until he could kneel on the bed, his warm body so close to Ezreal’s. “I’ve wanted this for so long, though.”

“I think I have too,” Ezreal whispered, letting his fingers caress Kayn’s messy hair, trying to readjust the strands. “I don’t think I realized it until…”

He didn’t need to say it. They both knew that he was referring to their first kiss, the one that hadn’t left his mind for a single moment in the weeks since it had passed. 

Still, Kayn nodded, their noses bumping as he leaned in a bit closer. 

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Not like you to ask so nicely,” Ezreal giggled, but regardless, he leaned in. And with his arms looped around Kayn’s neck, he pulled him into another kiss. This one was much slower, much sweeter, and it silenced any snarky remark on Kayn’s lips.

Still, Ezreal could feel him smile. Not his silly little smirk that made Ezreal laugh. No, this was a smile. A real smile, pressed against Ezreal’s lips.