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Yeosang had a staring problem. They really didn’t mean to just stare at people, but they did. All the time. Even Wooyoung was a victim to the staring.
Speaking of Wooyoung, the boy was currently sitting on Yeosang’s bed, rambling about this, that, and the other while Yeosang simply stared. Wooyoung smiled at them, “Yoona, what’s on your mind? You’re being too quiet.”
Yeosang startled, not expecting to hear that. Yes, it was their name, but not the one they wanted. They smiled back at the boy despite their thoughts, “I’m thinking about food. I’m hungry.”
“Ah, I see. What can I cook for you today?”
“You don’t have to cook for me, Youngie.”
“I do, actually, because you can’t.” Wooyoung smiled at them mischievously.
“I burned something once, Wooyoung. Besides, that was like, two years ago. Don’t hold it against me.”
Wooyoung giggled, “You forgot water in ramyun. Like hell I’m letting that go.”
Yeosang smiled to themself, looking down at their hands. They could hear Wooyoung talking more, probably about what to cook for the two. Yeosang sighed. They wanted to make their hands more masculine, because as of now, they were dainty and smooth.
Suddenly, Wooyoung grabbed their hands. “Yoona, I’m starting to think you weren’t thinking about food.”
Yeosang stared at Wooyoung again, taking a deep breath. Realistically, it would be safe to tell Wooyoung all of the thoughts plaguing their mind. The boy was about as sweet as someone could be, loving everything that breathed. It just felt so wrong to tell anyone. For all Yeosang knew, they were just being dramatic. There was nothing wrong with them, they just hated every little thing about their body. Especially their hair.
Wooyoung squeezed their hands a few times, “Do you need to tell me something? You’re quiet, but never this quiet.”
Yeosang sighed, “If I wanted to go by a different name, what would you think?”
“Depends, what’s the name? If it’s a bad name, I’ll help you find a new one.”
“Uh.. It’s Yeosang?”
“You don’t sound too sure about that. It’s pretty, though. Suits you.”
“I am sure, I just.. It’s scary.”
Wooyoung smiled, “What’s so scary about a new name?”
“I’m trans, Wooyoungie.” Yeosang breathed in, albeit shakily. “I don’t know if it’s just something I’ll get over, if maybe I’m being dramatic, but..”
Wooyoung pulled Yeosang into a hug, squeezing them. “It’s not something you’ll get over, my love.” Wooyoung backed away, looking into Yeosang’s eyes, “I’m proud of you. Do you want me to use different pronouns for you?”
“Please. I want to use he/him, but it’s fine if you don’t want to..”
“It’s not fine, Yeosang. I’ll call you whatever you want or need me to. Don’t play this down.” Yeosang’s eyes filled with tears, one quickly escaping and falling down their face. “I know this is all scary for you, it’s new and weird. But you have a right to be who you are, and if that’s Yeosang, that’s okay. While we’re at it, tell me about Yeosang. I want to know all about him.”
“It’s just me, Wooyoungie. I think the only difference is that he might be single.”
“Why would he be? Are you and Jongho fighting?” Wooyoung questioned, his eyes narrowing.
“No, but I don’t think he’d want to be with me anymore. I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, you know. Jongho didn’t sign up to date a guy.”
“You never know, honey. Jongho is a good guy, I highly doubt he’d just drop you simply because you want to be yourself.”
“He is good. I know he is, but I just can’t help but think he’ll leave me.”
“I’ll beat his ass if he does.”
Yeosang giggled, bringing their hand up to wipe away the tears. “I want to tell him tonight. I think talking to you made it easier.”
Wooyoung smiled, “If he says any sideways shit, just call me. I’ll beat his ass.”
“I know you will, you’re like an attack dog.”
“Woof.”
Yeosang laughed, sniffling quietly. As long as they had Wooyoung, maybe everything would be okay. After a moment of silence, they spoke up again, “Can you cut my hair?”
Wooyoung jumped up, “Hell yes!”
——
Jongho’s fingers were gentle inside him, but all of the movements were producing sounds that made Yeosang feel sick. Don’t get him wrong, it felt good, but everything else felt so, so wrong.
Yeosang sighed, blinking away tears while trying to push the nausea down as best as he could. Jongho continued his movements, kissing down Yeosang’s neck and spreading his fingers. That movement alone made a sound so awful to Yeosang, one he had never noticed before. He hated it.
The sounds continued, flooding Yeosang with a sense of dread. Suddenly, everything was just too much.
“Stop, Jongho! Stop.” He cried, trying to push Jongho off of him.
The younger boy pulled out his fingers, immediately backing away from Yeosang. He looked incredibly worried. “Did I hurt you, love? What’s wrong? I’m sorry.” Yeosang didn’t respond. No, he cried instead. Not a single word came from him. Jongho sighed, placing his clean hand on Yeosang’s cheek, “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Everything.” Yeosang hiccuped.
“What do you mean?”
“I hate it, I hate it.”
Jongho looked down at him, gently stroking his face. Yeosang knew the boy was more than confused, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain any further.
Jongho sighed above him, “I’ll go run you a bath, then I’ll make us something to eat, okay? If you want to talk about everything, you know I’ll listen.”
Yeosang nodded as Jongho pulled away completely. He watched the younger boy leave the room, crying harder when the door was closed. Everything was going wrong. He meant to tell Jongho earlier, but as the time passed since he came over, it got increasingly harder to bring it up. Yeosang was afraid of losing him.
Yeosang had luckily calmed down when Jongho walked back into the room. The younger boy smiled at him, “Come on, you take your bath and I’ll make us some ramyun.”
Yeosang sat up, pushing off the bed to meet Jongho by the door. He looked over, “I’m sorry, Jjongie.”
“Don’t apologize. We can talk about whatever is bothering you later, just relax for now.” Jongho smiled, grabbing Yeosang’s hand and leading him to the bathroom.
Once they were there, Jongho placed a kiss on Yeosang’s forehead before leaving. Yeosang watched the door close behind him, gently undressing when he knew Jongho was far enough. Before taking his shirt off, he walked away from the mirror. He didn’t want to see any other part of his body in it.
Yeosang stepped into the tub once he was fully undressed, sitting down and bringing his knees up to his chest. He almost didn’t want to get out of the water, knowing that when he did, Jongho would want answers. And those answers would lead to a breakup, which would lead to Yeosang losing the best person he had ever met.
When his fingers pruned, Yeosang sighed, slowly pulling the drain to let the water out. He pushed himself up, grabbing one of the new towels from the rack next to him and wrapping up completely in it. He grabbed his clothes off of the counter, pulling on his underwear before quickly making his way back to Jongho’s room. Yeosang had a stash of clothes in one of the drawers, thankfully.
Once he was fully dressed, he made his way to the kitchen. Yeosang’s entire body was on fire, anxiety coursing through his veins like a freight train. Jongho was sitting at the dining table, quietly stirring his ramen around with his chopsticks.
Yeosang smiled, walking towards the table and pulling out his chair. He sat right next to Jongho, whose head perked up as soon as he sat down. The younger watched him carefully as Yeosang picked up his own chopsticks.
Jongho smiled, “Care to tell me what’s on your mind?”
Yeosang paused, feeling his anxiety increase tenfold. “I’m..” He trailed off, trying to force himself to speak. Jongho kept looking at him with the same sweet expression as before. Yeosang’s heart clenched, “I’m trans, Jjongie.”
Jongho didn’t respond, making Yeosang feel like he was going to throw up. A few moments of silence passed, Yeosang counting each second before he knew Jongho would break up with him.
Breaking the silence, Jongho spoke up. “You’re trans? So, like, what you’re saying is, you’re a boy?” Yeosang nodded, “So I can call you my boyfriend?”
“You’re okay with that?”
“Of course I am. Shit, do you want me to call you by a different name? I’m assuming your birth name is off the table completely.”
Yeosang smiled, feeling a tear roll down his cheek as his anxiety started to dissipate. “I’d like for you to call me Yeosang.”
“Yeosang, that’s pretty. It suits you.” Jongho let go of his chopsticks, instead grabbing Yeosang’s hands. “Is that what was bothering you earlier?”
“That, and uh, the sounds? It just.. The sounds while you were.. Down there, they were bothering me. A lot.”
“I see.. I didn’t hurt you, though, right?”
“No, Jjongie. You didn’t hurt me.”
Jongho sighed, “Good. I don’t know if I could live with myself if I hurt you.”
Yeosang chuckled, “I’ll let you know if you ever hurt me, Jjongie. I just don’t think you’re capable of it, though.”
“Well, Yeosangie. Now that the hard part is out of the way, do you want to talk about anything else?”
“Yeosangie?” Yeosang smiled at the nickname.
“Is that okay? I won’t call you that if you don’t like it, but I thought it might be cute-“
“I love it.” Yeosang cut him off.
“Ah, I’m glad!” Jongho smiled, “I love you, Yeosangie.”
“I love you too, Jjongie. So much.” Yeosang paused, “Thank you for being so amazing.”
“Thank you for trusting me.”