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Language:
English
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Published:
2012-10-03
Completed:
2012-10-03
Words:
918
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
92
Kudos:
513
Bookmarks:
150
Hits:
7,418

Avengers Assemble

Summary:

I don't really get this tagging system
Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here

(A found poem using AO3 tags, because Avengers fandom is awesome)

Notes:

Author may be waxing too much poetic
Why do you people let me do this?

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1: Original Version

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It All Started So Innocently
Written before the movie
what could possibly go wrong with that

All Aboard the Feels Express

 

Steve is made of feelings and muscles
Steve/art
this pairing has consumed me

Thor is a Golden Retriever puppy
Asgardians are party animals

Tony doesn't have issues he has a suscription
living down to expectations

Clint Lives in the Air Ducts
Which is a little skewed and a lot repressed

Everything would be sadness without Natasha
Kicking all the ass

Bruce is better behaved than you think
(emotionally speaking)
Solving life's problems with science

 

The Avengers are appallingly immature sometimes

poker between egotistical superheroes is never a good idea
pepper and natasha trash talk each other and play video games

repeat after me the arc reactor is not a nightlight
hawkeye - it's not a toy
Pepper can kill you with a shoe

loki could kick thor and captain america's asses at table tennis
Thor nobly sacrifices his clothes to protect Steve's virtue
Steve's smile can bake apple pie

Darcy just wants Loki to watch a goddamn Disney movie
and then hulk makes her a rose out of stop signs
now someone go tell Bruce

Clint F. Barton does NOT Poledance
Thor that is not how you use a gun

Tony probably hasn't created a clone army just to annoy Natasha but it's only a matter of time

assassin war games
in the ceiling
And Then It Got Out of Hand

JARVIS learns to sigh

Supernanny Coulson
near death experiences do not exclude you from paperwork

Everyone in the Avengers Verse needs more love
right in the pheels

 

Loki Does What He Wants
and is also a ventriloquist
Because author makes stuff up like that for fun

Bucky is the plucky anti-hero
fighting the mind control

Rhodey thinks Tony kidnapped Bruce
It's really only slashy if you're in my brain with me

darcy being darcy
Comes with a built in apology
plus coulson!

Somehow Jane and Darcy time travel
oops I trousered my timeline
How did this happen?

damn you avengers i dont have time for this
Fury has a mission to kick your ass--and clearance for it
Go the Fuck to Sleep

 

Mythology In-Jokes
Noodle Incidents
Suit Porn
Gratuitous Shawarma
marvel do not approve of this and neither does norway
The Author Regrets Nothing

Avengers Tower is basically a giant clubhouse
Chopping & Changing Mythology Like Nobody's Business
Give me a universe and I shall play with it

Who doesn't want to hug Captain America?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HULK.

Maria isn’t being paid enough
and Pepper and Bruce watch from the sidelines and snigger
Fury wonders how this is his life

 

from henceforth the Avengers are banned from doing anything ever again
until they do
Mission Reports

Notes:

This came out of nowhere
it's all fandom's fault
author mysteriously still not banned from using the english language

Actual Notes: I disclaim any responsibility for this; none of these tags are mine, including the title. All tags used came from Avenger-related works and are in their original form (punctuation, capitalization, and spelling included), but are taken wildly out of context. Viva la tag search!

Also: This poem is not intended to encourage this kind of tagging. (I have to say that so the poor tag wranglers don't cry.) My use of any given tag is not meant to imply that the original tagger endorsed these shenanigans or would approve.

If you really like a tag, try clicking on it to see where it goes!

ETA: Posted the formatted version (no links, smoother capitalization, punctuation, etc.) as chapter 2. If you had trouble parsing the original, you might find that version easier to read.

ETA2: I have it on good authority in the comments that tag wranglers do not actually cry when faced with eclectic tagging (and some say they enjoy it), so striking that bit out. Also should have said thank you to all the wonderful creators who made these tags and the wranglers who organize them. You all rock!

Chapter 2: Formatted Version

Notes:

This is the formatted, unlinked, properly capitalized, punctuated version of the poem, for those who prefer to read without the distraction of links.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It all started so innocently,
written before the movie.
What could possibly go wrong with that?

All aboard the Feels Express!

 

Steve is made of feelings and muscles.
(Steve/art! This pairing has consumed me.)

Thor is a Golden Retriever puppy
(Asgardians are party animals).

Tony doesn't have issues, he has a subscription
("Living Down to Expectations").

Clint lives in the air ducts,
which is a little skewed and a lot repressed.

Everything would be sadness without Natasha
kicking all the ass.

Bruce is better behaved than you think (emotionally speaking),
solving life's problems with science.

 

The Avengers are appallingly immature sometimes...

Poker between egotistical superheroes is never a good idea.
(Pepper and Natasha trash talk each other and play video games.)

Repeat after me: "The Arc Reactor is not a nightlight."
(Hawkeye - it's not a toy!
Pepper can kill you with a shoe....)

Loki could kick Thor and Captain America's asses at table tennis!
(Thor nobly sacrifices his clothes to protect Steve's virtue;
Steve's smile can bake apple pie.)

Darcy just wants Loki to watch a goddamn Disney movie,
and then hulk makes her a rose out of stop signs.
(Now someone go tell Bruce.)

Clint F. Barton does NOT pole dance -
Thor, that is not how you use a gun!

(Tony probably hasn't created a clone army just to annoy Natasha, but it's only a matter of time.)

Assassin war games
in the ceiling,
and then it got out of hand....

(JARVIS learns to sigh)

Supernanny Coulson,
near death experiences do not exclude you from paperwork.

Everyone in the Avengers Verse needs more love,
right in the pheels!

 

Loki does what he wants
and is also a ventriloquist
because author makes stuff up like that for fun. :)

Bucky is the plucky anti-hero,
fighting the mind control!

Rhodey thinks Tony kidnapped Bruce.
(It's really only slashy if you're in my brain with me.)

Darcy being Darcy
comes with a built in apology,
plus Coulson!

Somehow Jane and Darcy time travel.
(Oops I trousered my timeline!
How did this happen?)

Damn you Avengers! I don't have time for this.
Fury has a mission to kick your ass--and clearance for it.
Go the fuck to sleep!

 

Mythology in-jokes,
noodle incidents,
suit porn,
gratuitous shawarma:
Marvel does not approve of this, and neither does Norway.
(The author regrets nothing!)

Avengers Tower is basically a giant clubhouse,
chopping and changing mythology like nobody's business.
Give me a universe and I shall play with it!

(Who doesn't want to hug Captain America?...
Happy birthday Hulk!)

Maria isn’t being paid enough,
and Pepper and Bruce watch from the sidelines and snigger.
Fury wonders how this is his life.

 

From henceforth the Avengers are banned from doing anything ever again
until they do
mission reports.

Notes:

Now I have all these silly images in my head of things like Steve getting a giant hug from a Hulk with a birthday hat, and a kitchen full of Tony clones grinning at a horrified Natasha (you can tell she's horrified by the slight widening of her eyes and the fact that she already has a knife in one hand), and Clint explaining that he will not, will not, with a pole. Seuss-style.