Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Love is born into every human being;
it calls back the halves of our original
nature together.” -  Plato’s Symposium

The first time it happens is in the middle of Kate’s first final at University. She knew it was bound to happen sooner rather than later, but still, knowledge doesn’t mean readiness. The sharp and burning pain from her wrist all the way up to her elbow hits her so strongly that the pen she was holding ends up on the other side of the classroom. Worst yet is the loud wail that follows as she clutches her arm for dear life. 

The other kids in the room barely spare her a second glance, too preoccupied in finishing the exam on time to pay attention to a colleagues’ wyrd . Nevermind it was her first.

Mrs. Gonzalez, a fifty-something renowned Criminal Psychologist, picks up the discarded pen and walks up to Kate’s desk. She has a soft, understanding expression on her face, which, if Kate’s being honest, only makes the situation more humiliating. She admires the woman more than any other professor, so to have her witness Kate like this, kind of, sort of makes the girl want to die. 

“Do you need to go to the infirmary?” She asks, placing the pen on top of Kate’s exam sheets.

Kate shakes her head vehemently. She quickly unclutches her arm and picks up her pen again, ignoring when the movement pulls at her fresh scar. Mrs. Gonzalez makes a low hissing sound when her eyes find Kate’s forearm. The girl can’t blame her, it does look hideous; blotchy and red. 

“Are you sure? I could give you an extension…” 

“I’m fine, Mrs. Gonzalez, but thank you,” She says courtly. The older woman studies her face, but eventually relents, letting her go back to her exam, which she finishes with no further accidents. 

The second time is more discreet. A paper cut on her right thumb while she is at the library. She sucks her thumb into her mouth, as if it’s actually open and bleeding, and continues her readings.

The third time is her fault. She’s surfing with her brother, Noah, during spring break and somehow manages to get knocked down by a wave hard enough that she scrapes her knees and elbows on the sand. As she washes it clean, she sends a small ‘ sorry ’ into the universe and goes about her day.

When she was little, the thought of having a “better half” made her heart flutter inside her chest, but later, the rose-colored lenses fell and Kate began to realize that maybe a soulmate isn’t all people hype them to be.

It all started during high-school, senior year. Life was good. She was doing amazing academically, had already been accepted into every University she applied for and the cherry on top: she had Alex, her awesome, smart, hot girlfriend. A girlfriend she really, really liked. A girlfriend that was gone the second she turned 18.

“Sorry, Kate. There’s no point really,” The girl had said with a shrug after she cut herself in the kitchen and Kate didn’t automatically scream in pain. 

Fucking stupid ass soulmates. 

After that, Kate fell into a rabbit hole, researching everything there was to know about soulmates and wyrds and, more specifically, if there was a way to stop it. She even made a cute excel sheet highlighting her most important findings. But the truth is, no one knows where they came from, when they first started, or, unfortunately, how to stop it.

While the myth of a soulmate has been around since Ancient Greece, the oldest record containing the word wyrd dates back to the early 1500s, where it's described as "fate's mark of love." Rumor has it that it's been around for longer, only under a different nomenclature. Since then, little has been discovered about the mythology of it, the purpose of it — other than reuniting two souls that are meant to be — and why it manifests the way it does, why it chose pain to connect soulmates. Everyone has their own interpretation of it; Noah, her friends, the old ladies in the coffee shop.

“It’s not really about the pain, though. It’s about the connection,” Noah, her brother, says everytime Kate complains about it. “Besides, you slap the back of my head all the time. Love is pain.”

She hated this one.

“Maybe it’s a warning,” Her best friend had pondered. “Or a preparation. To deal with the pain of losing them in the future.”

She hated this one even more. 

The wyrds start as soon as you turn eighteen. From that point on, whenever your soulmate is hurt, you share their pain. It usually only happens when the injury draws blood, but there have been cases where, if in close proximity, a strong punch or a kick in the ribs has been felt by the counterpart. And if you are the one afflicted by your soulmate’s injury, you get a momentary nasty scar to commemorate the fact that someone out there is supposed to love you for all eternity. How exciting . They usually go away after a few hours, but the phantom pain remains until the soulmate is fully healed. 

If you asked Kate then what she thought about it all, her heartbroken self would’ve said it’s bullshit. Take her parents for example, the it couple among their friend group, always happy, always in love… until it was just them alone in a room. How would people react if they knew that, in private, their favorite couple couldn’t even stand being in the same room without attempting murder. Then you also have two of Kate’s closest friends at University, both with such awful soulmates that they ended up with someone completely different and, today, are as happy as they come. 

Sure, there were soulmates that were happy together, Noah and Clara were one of them. But Noah dies when Kate is 23 and she gets to witness first-hand the devastation on Clara’s face. Watch how the pain drained the life out of her. 

So whatever the outcome, Kate vows to never allow herself to go through those types of horrors. Fuck soulmates. She’s happier on her own. 

It’s only on her 32nd birthday that the sentiment begins to fade.

Kate doesn’t talk to any of her University friends anymore, shut every single one of them out after Noah passed, and here, at her fancy job at the DoD, everyone is cold, detached — herself included. When you deal with so much bureaucracy and red tape, forming new connections, as small as they may be, just seems like an avoidable headache. 

Don’t get her wrong, she’s more than happy with her own company, but the little gnawing feeling that stirs every time she crosses paths with a happy couple on the streets doesn’t seem to want to leave her alone. It makes her go out more often, to bars much like this one, as she tries to find another soul that doesn't mind fooling around before finding their one. Still, one night does nothing to quell the loneliness rising inside of her and despite her best efforts, that loneliness is not something she manages to get used to.

Thus, as she sits alone in this hole in the wall bar with a sorry excuse for a cupcake in front of her, she lets herself hope. She makes a deliberate cut on her thumb with her bottle cap and as crimson greets her eyes, she lets herself crave it. The connection, the company, the friendship, the love.

A couple days later, when her boss tells her they need someone to represent the team at a meeting in Hawai'i, Kate volunteers herself without even knowing why. 

“Delaware?”

Kate looks in the direction of the voice, unsure if the question is being aimed at her or at another patron. Her eyes scan the room and land on a woman on the other side of the counter.

Fuck .

The question, one that Kate cannot remember right now, was most definitely aimed at her. By the most stunning woman Kate has ever laid her eyes on. Her curly brown hair cascades down her very muscular shoulders and onto her very exposed back — Kate tries not to let her eyes linger too long on the muscles there, and let’s not get started on those biceps! She has to make an active effort to tear her eyes away so as to not look like a creep.

Before she can even entertain the thought of how the red and orange pattern on the woman's blouse compliments her skin, or how kissable her lips look, Kate swallows hard and clears her throat, “Come again?”

“Where you're from,” The woman says, playing with the rim of her thick bottomed glass. "It's a game I like to play. I've never seen you in here before, so I'm thinking Delaware." Her lips turn upward in what can only be described as coy smirk, and Kate is hooked.

“You're close, actually. DC,” A smile threatens to break from her lips, she quickly suppresses it. The lust she can excuse, the woman is stunning, but she draws the line at giddiness. “I'm just in town for a meeting. Heard they do a good burger here.”

“Yeah. It's pretty good,” The woman says, not looking at her. She takes a beat, plays with the remaining Whiskey in her glass, then slowly turns towards Kate. “But their wings, that’s…” She winks. She fucking winks . “That's their secret weapon.”

The woman smiles like she’s proud of herself, like she knows the effect she’s causing — maybe she does, Kate’s cheeks feel uncharacteristically warm. She needs to turn the tables, regain some of the control that was never hers to begin with.

Feigning innocence, she starts, a bit louder than before, “It's kinda hard to hear you,” Then a pause. She counts, one, two, three, “Do you wanna… sit closer?”

Kate can see the exact moment the woman falters. It lasts for merely a second. A second that would probably go by unnoticed to anyone else, but Kate’s body, somehow, feels entirely tuned into this woman. Almost as if she could…

“Sure,” The woman’s response comes at the perfect time to stop Kate from venturing into dangerous, dangerous territory.

Getting up and walking towards someone shouldn’t be as attractive as this woman makes it out to be. She makes no eye contact, only picks up her purse, napkin and glass and moves to the stool next to Kate’s. Her bottom lip deliciously tucked between her teeth.

Kate draws a shaky breath and focuses on the burger and fries being placed in front of her. She thanks the bartender and waits until the woman is settled beside her to risk a glance, when she does so, she finds the woman already looking at her. Upclose, Kate can see the mix of lust and something else, curiosity perhaps, in her piercing amber eyes. If she hadn't thought this woman was attractive before, those eyes would've sealed the deal. 

When the woman doesn’t say anything else and just stares at Kate, the silence starts to get heavy. Kate, one who has never been comfortable in those, finds herself opening her mouth before her brain is able to filter what’s coming out of it, “So in DC I go to this place called John’s hole in the wall. Supposedly where they planned Watergate.” She is particularly proud to know that fact, but not so proud of how dorky it sounded. In order to pretend that comment didn’t just happen, Kate diverges the subject and starts talking about her burger of choice. “Double Patty, double cheese, smothered in thousand island.” 

The woman is looking at her with her mouth slightly open. She seems to be holding back a smile, but there’s also something similar to awe in her eyes. Kate will take that as a win.

“Huh. You don’t seem like a ‘smothered in thousand island’ type of gal,” Her eyes travel down Kate’s body as she says it. If it was anyone else, the comment would’ve annoyed her, but there’s a small smile on the woman’s lips that Kate finds herself mirroring it.

“Yeah. Well, you know. I don’t seem like a lot of things,” She has never been so proud of a delivery before. It’s smooth and flirtatious and it has the other woman licking her lower lip while staring at Kate’s. The blonde has to take a sip out of her own glass to stop a stupid giggle from coming out. 

“So uh,” The woman prompts, leaning a bit closer to Kate. Her eyes shining. “What is watergate?”

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Two hours later, they find themselves tucked into one of the corner booths, the woman's thigh pressed firmly against hers. No, not the woman . Lucy. The name rolled off her tongue with a delicious southern twang that almost made Kate blush. Almost. It didn’t take long for her to reveal she was from Texas, a fact that was apparently a source of immense pride. Kate had teased her about it just before making the mistake of asking her what could she possibly love so much about her home state. 

Eh, who is she kidding, it wasn't a mistake. Lucy is captivating. The more she talks, the more enthralled Kate feels. Her passion for everything Texan shines through her entire face. It almost makes Kate wish she was from Texas, if only to be something worthy of such devotion.

Kate briefly mentions that she lived in Chicago and Illinois before DC and Lucy, for some reason, seems to find that fact delightful. 

The conversation flows easily. Too easily. Lucy is kind and interested, she is incredibly funny and smart too. She pays attention to every word Kate says, and the sound of her laughter has Kate working overtime to keep listening to it again and again. Most importantly, she makes Kate feel good. Really fucking good. She can't remember the last time she has laughed so hard, or felt this comfortable with another person. There isn't a single moment since they’ve started to talk properly where she thinks about soulmates, wyrds , or all the woulds, coulds and shoulds. She is just happy being here, enjoying this nice evening with a pretty girl by her side. 

Eventually, Lucy's hand finds its way to Kate's thigh resting comfortably there, the warmth of it permeating into Kate's jeans. Following Lucy's lead, Kate musters enough courage to drape an arm around the back of Lucy’s seat. The brunette immediately shifts closer, cozying herself up against Kate. It feels too normal, like a dance they have practiced for years instead of just a few short hours.

All it takes is another drink for the question Kate has been wondering how to ask all night to come flying out of her mouth,  "Do you wanna go somewhere quieter?" It sounds cringey and cliché, but she's tipsy and she really wants to kiss Lucy, so cut her some slack.

A grin slowly forms on Lucy’s lips, "Thought you'd never ask."

“You could’ve asked, you know,” Kate huffs, getting up from her seat.

Lucy, who is following Kate out of the booth, gasps, “I would never. I’m a lady!”

The laughter that bursts out of Kate is entirely accidental. 

“I resent that! You know what, I think I might just go home.”

Kate stops in her tracks and slowly turns towards Lucy. The brunette stands with her hands on her hips and a cocked eyebrow.

"Fine. Your loss," Kate says. She spares Lucy one last heated glance before strolling out of the bar and into the parking lot. It takes less than two seconds for Lucy to scream "Hey, I was just kidding. You are so mean!" and dash out after her. 

Kate is positively sure she hears a muffled, 'You're lucky I'm into the whole hot mean girl thing' before she hails a cab. 

Lucky she is indeed. For two blissful nights and three wonderful days. 

As soon as they got into the cab, they were all over each other. Who made the first move was anyone’s guess. Kate was aware that they were somewhat in public, not that the driver seemed to be paying too much attention to them, but the mere thought should’ve been enough to make her pull away, or, at least enough to make her feel embarrassed. Maybe, if it was any other woman, she would’ve, but Lucy kissed like she did everything else: attentively, carefully and passionately and Kate couldn’t even fathom stopping her. So they kissed and kissed and kissed all the way from the bar and up to Kate’s overpriced hotel room that they’ve barely left since. 

The only time they did drag themselves out was when Lucy decided she needed to show Kate her favorite spot on the island: a Texan barbecue restaurant. Because, of course, why would Kate ever assume it was a scenic view or a nice, cozy spot at the beach when there was a Texan BBQ restaurant around? How silly of her.

The food was delicious, though. Just not as delicious as the dessert.

Being around Lucy was easy. Her charm and humor made Kate feel way more comfortable than a regular one-night, or two-nights-three-day, stand usually did. It was such a great amount of fun that the thought of missing out on all those waves during the one weekend she had to enjoy them, didn’t phase Kate nearly as much as it should've.

It helps that they’ve kept things as superficial as they could and that in no moment Lucy tried to “accidentally” hurt herself to see how Kate would respond like many others before her did. If anything, Lucy is twice as cautious, not rushing into anything that might cause an accidental wyrd — which, if Kate's being honest, is a loss. She really wanted to feel the burn of Lucy's nails scratching down her back. 

It's endearing. Even though, paradoxically, it makes Kate wish she'd do something. Test me , she caught herself thinking after Lucy flicked her tongue just in the right spot. Test me, she thought after they went out and Lucy’s hand didn’t leave hers. Test me , she thought again when Lucy almost made Sprite pour out of Kate's nostrils with a Dad joke. Test me. Test me. Test me .

It goes without saying that it made her panic and she spent every following hour trying to convince herself that it was simply the oxytocin and dopamine clouding her brain. She is fine. Lucy is fine. They are fine. This is fine.

“I fell from a tree when I was 15,” Lucy’s voice pulls Kate away from her thoughts. It takes her a while to understand the reason for the comment, but when she does, she recoils her hand as if burned. It's 12:30PM and Kate has a flight at 4. She should be getting ready to go to the airport and not laying naked in bed, tracing a scar on Lucy's forearm with her index finger.

“I— I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

“It’s fine,” But the smile she gives Kate doesn’t quite meet her eyes. “You’re the first one who didn’t ask.”

It doesn't matter. I don't care about it, is what Kate wants to say. It’s what she should say. But after an extended weekend spent with Lucy staring intently at her, studying her features at any given chance, Kate’s afraid the woman would be able to catch the lie too easily. She doesn’t care that it sounds insane, to her paranoia that is entirely possible. So instead, she opts for what she hopes it’s a nonchalant shrug and a swift change of topic. 

“I’m gonna go shower,” She says, proud of how steady her voice sounds. “Care to join?”

Lucy opens her mouth to answer, but her stomach interrupts her with a loud gurgle sound. Kate never thought hearing such an unsexy sound in what should be a sexy moment would make her so happy, but it pulls a carefree laughter from them that is enough to break the remaining tension in the air so she has to be grateful for it.

“Have your shower. I’ll order us some food,” Kate nods before disappearing into the spacious bathroom. 

Without Lucy there to distract her, Kate goes through her shower routine more thoroughly than she had during the last couple of days. She takes some extra time with her hair, untangling the knots there, then straightening it and tying it in a high ponytail. She needs to be in full Whistler mode as soon as she steps foot in the airport, the extensive amount of reports and emails she has neglected this weekend are ready and waiting to occupy her for the long ten-hour flight.

However, as she stares at her reflection in the mirror, she sees anything but Whistler. The exhausted, hollow-eyed person she's so used to having reflected back at her is no longer there. In its place is someone lighter. Free. It's almost distressing. For the first time in the last three years, she wonders if she had done the right thing giving away a position at the FBI in order to work protecting the type of intel that could've saved her brother from walking into an ambush.

Kate shakes herself out of her self-pitiful thoughts. Where did that come from? There's no way this fleeting thing with Lucy is making her second guess her career choices on top of everything else. No. She’s good, thank you very much. 

She gathers her toiletries into a small bag and goes to leave the bathroom. As luck would have it, her left foot slips on the rug on her way out and she smashes her elbow on the vanity. 

"Motherfuc—" She yelps, clutching the throbbing elbow until realization hits, freezing her into place.

Oh no. 

Closing her eyes, Kate mentally prepares for the fact she might’ve ruined this wonderful, wonderful time at the very last second — or maybe not, Lucy seems to care about soulmates as much as Kate does. But one can never be too sure. She counts to ten before pulling her hands away. No cuts, no blood. She would do a happy dance right now if it wasn’t for the fear of slipping again.

She leaves the bathroom to find Lucy on the balcony, curled up on a chair with her cheeks full of what's probably an obscene amount of malassadas. The view is so adorable that it takes Kate a few minutes to realize all the other food scattered across the table, chair and floor.  Her soft smile immediately turns into a mix of horror and shock.

"You cannot possibly think we can eat all this…" 

Lucy jumps, not having noticed Kate's approach. She looks like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. How is this sweet, precious thing the same woman who was making Kate see heaven less than an hour ago? 

"Hair. Straight," Lucy says, ignoring Kate’s comment altogether.  Her mouth is still full and her eyes are fixated on Kate's ponytail — and neck. She swallows the massadas and, apparently having given up on forming actual sentences, smiles and says, "Hot."

Kate doesn't have time to blush because Lucy's eyes finally travel from her neck and hair down to her arm. The arm she has been absent-mindedly rubbing. The arm whose elbow just got smashed into a sink. Kate sees Lucy's brow furrow. 

"Just a bump," Kate says, forcing out a laugh. Why she makes a point of showing Lucy the uncut elbow, she doesn't know. It's not like it matters anymore. She's leaving. 

"Right," Lucy elongates the first syllable, looking a shade paler than normal. "Uh, y-you ok?"

"Barely hurt," She lies, she can still feel it throbbing. The weight of Lucy's gaze is making Kate feel a little self-conscious, so, once again, she shifts the subject. "So what's all this?"

It takes Lucy a beat to answer, "Food."

"I can… see that?"

"Sorry," Lucy shakes her head. "It's your last day on the island, so I thought it called for a last food voyage."

"You do know we are just two people, right?"

"You do know I'm from Texas, right?"

"That cannot be your answer to everything."

"Yes. Yes, it can." 

Kate rolls her eyes playfully, but her feet remain glued to the spot until Lucy pats the chair beside hers.

"C'mon. We've got a lot of ground to cover." 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

The drive to the airport is quicker than Kate would've liked. Even so, she is more than glad that Lucy volunteered to drive her. She would never admit it out loud, but she wasn't ready to say goodbye to her very own version of paradise just yet.

"Here we are," Lucy says, parking the car in front of the departure gate. She exhales loudly and the hand that's been resting on Kate's thigh during the entire ride, squeezes gently. 

"Here we are," Kate parrots, but makes no move to open the door. 

Lucy smiles at her. It’s soft and genuine, but it’s also sad, lacking the brightness Kate has grown so used to. It scares more than it comforts Kate to know Lucy seems to be as reticent about this whole goodbye thing as she is. If Lucy wasn’t looking at her like that, she may be able to gaslight herself into thinking that these absurd feelings are nothing but the longing for something more that has been playing tricks on her lately. But Lucy is looking at her like that and the feelings that it’s stirring inside her are becoming increasingly difficult to deny.

"Have a nice flight, Kate. Thanks for the…" She wiggles her eyebrows in a playful manner, a bit of sparkle returning to her eyes. 

"It was my pleasure," She says, making sure her voice is as sultry as it can be. She doesn't know what the etiquette for saying goodbye to your three days and two nights stand is, so she contents herself into leaning in and brushing her lips against Lucy's cheek. "Have a nice life, Lucy."

Before she can second guess herself, Kate turns to open the door. Lucy seems to have other plans though. She catches Kate’s wrist and pulls her back, kissing her hard enough to bruise. Her fingers scratch Kate's scalp as she pulls her closer, her teeth sinking into Kate's bottom lip. They both half gasp, half moan at the feeling of it. She doesn’t want to stop, wants to let the fire from the kiss consume her, but she needs to leave. If she misses this flight she’s not sure she’ll be strong enough to board another. So with every single ounce of strength left in her body, she pulls away. She kisses Lucy's forehead, opens the car door and leaves.

She doesn't look back.

Chapter Text

The flight back to DC was restless. As much as Kate tried to focus on the paperwork and emails in front of her, her thoughts kept circling back to Lucy. Lucy. Lucy. 

It annoys her profoundly.

Kate isn’t the type of person who gets enamored with someone this fast. She isn’t the type of person who gets enamored at all. At least not since Alex, her first and only girlfriend.  Sure, she had liked other women, been attracted to them and, once in a blue moon, has even shown interest to know more about them. But enamored? Never. Not with the looming threat of soulmates hanging over her head like the sword of Damocles.

Whatever the feelings she may have had during her time with a woman, whatever craving she may have felt, it never lasted past the time she walked out of their door.  Which is why she can't understand why Lucy has her brain running a marathon in a never ending loop. Maybe it was her nonchalant behavior towards soulmates, Kate has never had anyone treat her so casually. Maybe it’s because that made Kate want her to be anything but nonchalant, even if for just a second. Or maybe it's just her orgasm overdosed brain overanalyzing a perfectly simple and normal situation with hormone filled lenses. 

In reality, it doesn't matter what it is. All that matters is that she’d like to be able to rest her head, close her eyes and take a nap without her brain’s constant reminders of Lucy's eyes, mouth, laughter, hair, arms, abs, humor…

Stop. 

Kate screws her eyes closed harder, as if that is going to help her fall asleep faster.

One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep…

She’s on sheep number 78 when a sharp pain cuts over her thumb. Kate looks at it just in time to see a faint scar drawing itself on her skin.

An old lady sitting next to Kate looks at the scar and, with a dreamy smile, says, "They miss you already, uh? My wife and I did that all the time. A tiny cut on our thumbs just to remind ourselves that even apart we were together."

Kate doesn’t know what’s worse, the woman't assumptions, the shot of pain that ran through Kate’s veins at this stranger’s use of past tense, the fact she could only think of Lucy, or the faint " yeah " that falls from her lips as she lifts her thumb and presses it against her lips. 

This is going to be one hell of a flight. 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Unfortunately for Kate, what she thought was a simple oxytocin induced state of insanity, doesn’t end when the plane lands. Doesn’t end when she falls asleep in her own bed, in her own apartment, in her own state. Doesn’t end when she goes back to work, back to paperwork and national security details. Much less when she goes back to shutting off investigations and being cursed out in fifteen different languages. It doesn’t end when she is back into zombie mode, exhausted and hollowed eyed. 

Lucy is still there. In the back of her mind, in every couple that passes her on the street, in every small thing that reminds her of Texas, or Hawai'i, in every single burst of pain that burns through her skin. 

Lucy is everywhere, every day, and it’s driving Kate mad.

The day she’s considering checking herself into a mental hospital is the day she goes back to hating the idea of wyrds , soulmates and everything in between. 

"Are you sure about that?"

Her boss, Kenneth Whitlock, is not happy about her announcement. He rarely looks like he's anything other than one step away from a heart attack, but today, as Kate stands in front of his desk with a piece of paper in hand, he looks like he might leave his office and fall straight into a coffin. 

"Yes, sir," Kate says, voice steady.

The pissed look on Whitlock's face tells her that if she backs out now, he'll fire her just for the sake of it. It's a good thing she isn’t planning on it.

"What brought this on? Is it money? A higher position? I'll double it," Whitlock says and it's the first time since she started working with the DIA that she feels bad for the man. She would hate losing her as an employee as well. 

"It's nothing like that, Sir. I've enjoyed my time at DIA, but it's not working for me anymore," As she says it, she doesn't hesitate, doesn't look away from her boss' eyes. She has dealt with enough men and their bad temper to learn how to not let it get to her. 

"It's not working for me anymore," Whitlock parrots with a chuckle. That. That is the reason she can no longer do this. 

As it turns out, the fleeting thing with Lucy did make her second guess her career choices. She wants to do right by Noah, wants to protect people from possible life threatening situations. Most of her days, though, she feels like she is doing the exact opposite. She wants to do right by Noah, but she also wants to be happy.  It’s been plaguing her ever since, the way she looked in the mirror all those afternoons ago. How did she look happier in a two-night-three-day stand than in her everyday life? She may have given up on soulmates, but that doesn't mean she should give up on herself as well. 

Besides, she’s tired. Tired of being alone, tired of always having to watch her back and of not having a single colleague she can trust to ask for help with a case, tired of political men and their egos and unwillingness to help the people they vouched to protect. She’s tired of always being the bad guy, of vetoing and getting in the way of investigations that could actually make a difference, tired of giving her absolute best and only being recognized for her work when she is quitting. 

She doesn't want to be hated anymore. She wants to have colleagues that have her back on the job and will get a beer with her at the end of the day. She wants to help people and not get in the way of people that are trying to do so. She wants to make a difference somehow. To someone, even if it's just one someone, she wants to make a difference. 

"If you are sure…" Whitlock says after a while. His eyes bore into Kate's soul as if daring her to go through with it.

"I am."

"Fine," The man says. "But you're working during your two weeks notice."

"Of course, Sir."

He dismisses her with a wave of his hand. As the door to his office closes behind her, Kate can't help the relieved sigh that breaks through her lips. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and opens the conversation thread with her old Northwestern mentor, Pam Ambrosio.  

Kate Whistler [7:46am]: It's done.

She knew Ambrosio was probably way more excited than Kate was about her (finally) taking up the woman's offer to join the FBI. Last week when Kate called her out of the blue and asked if the offer was still standing, her old mentor had almost teared up. Ambrosio said she would see to it and two hours later, she was already texting back saying she had sorted everything out. 

The big boss's only requirement was that she finish the physical and field training that her DIA one didn’t cover. So in two weeks from now, Kate will be heading to Virginia, to do exactly that. 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Turns out the career change was an even greater idea than Kate had originally thought it would be. 

Quantico training was so much more brutal than she had anticipated that her thoughts about Lucy were reduced exponentially. During the entire first week, she must’ve thought about the brunette only a handful of times. Small victories, right? 

Everyday is a struggle and by the time the third week rolls around, Kate feels like she's dying. How she is supposed to survive another 6 weeks of this, she doesn't know. 

"At least you don't have to sit through the endless hours of National Suspension and Debarment. There's been five classes so far and I still have no idea what the fuck they are going on about!" Olive says, melting into the communal area's chair. 

Olive was Kate's roommate on campus. Though Kate had only planned to stay in the dorm for the first week of training, she often finds herself too tired to drive to the private apartment she'd rented. Besides, she enjoys Olive's company – and Sarah's, who is Olive's "friend" from College. Kate is pretty sure there's something happening there, but she doesn’t want to pry. 

The girls are young, both ten years younger than Kate, but they get along better than Kate would've expected. Whenever they get teamed up for an assignment, they end every other team. 

Kate chuckles, "Honey, if you only knew how many hours of real life suspension and debarment processes I had to draft in all my career…" She had to give it to Ollie though, it was an annoying and overly complicated task. 

"God, I need to get drunk," Ollie complains. "Have you gone out for drinks already?"

"Can't say I have," Kate can barely muster the energy to go to the cafeteria at the end of most days, let alone going to a bar outside of campus. 

"Then we will. This weekend," Kate opens her mouth to protest, but Ollie lifts a finger, silencing her. "No excuses. I'm taking twice as many classes as you are." 

"You are also ten years younger," Kate points out, knowing it won't count for anything.

"Ah! No. Excuses," Ollie repeats. Kate sighs, resigning to her fate.

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Once the weekend rolls around, Kate is actually glad Olive and Sarah dragged her out. It's been so long since she'd done this and she didn't realize how much she had missed that type of cold beer you only find at bars.

She had also missed another particular thing that often comes with bars.

"You look morose," A voice greets her from her left. 

"Morose," Kate repeats, turning around to see the owner of such a unique line. "That's new."

"I aim to impress," A woman says. She has short dark hair that falls a little over her shoulder, beautiful brown eyes and an equally beautiful smile. "But really, what has gotten a beautiful woman like you so blue in a bar like this?"

"Ok, that was worse," Kate says, unable to contain her chuckle. 

"Maybe, but it got you smiling," The woman says, taking the liberty to sit on the stool beside Kate. She's charming, Kate will give her that. "I'm Cara."

"Kate," She says, accepting the other woman's outstretched hand. 

Olive and Sarah had abandoned Kate at the bar to go make out, or at least, that is what Kate assumes they have been doing for the past 15 minutes after they disappeared behind the saloon doors that lead to the bathroom area. If it really is the case, Kate cannot blame them. Good for them, actually.

She hasn’t been with anyone since Hawai’i, four months ago. In theory that wouldn’t be weird, Kate has gone way longer without a one-night stand, but somehow, it feels weird.

When she got back from her trip, she did (is still doing) everything possible to purge Lucy from her memory. Her days were normally busy, but when they weren’t, she always found a way to make them busy. If you don’t have time to think, you don’t have time for longing. So yes, she did everything. Everything except trying to meet another woman, kiss another woman, fuck another woman. It didn’t even cross her mind, which is bizarre given that this is the go to move when you are trying to forget someone, right beside getting pissed off drunk – Kate didn’t do that either. 

Something was probably deeply wrong with her, but this right here just might be the opportunity she needs. A way to forget Lucy for good. 

Cara is fun, her humor contagious. She's a doctor, a pediatrician really and Kate finds that endearing, she likes people who care for children. She doesn’t ask anything of Kate, accepts any level of vulnerability Kate is willing to offer. She doesn’t appear to be looking for anything serious, which is perfectly convenient for Kate.

As far as logic goes, her feelings for Cara should match the ones she harbors for Lucy. If what attracted her so much about the other woman was her nonchalant posture towards soulmates and how casually she treated Kate, Cara should be igniting the same spark within her. But Kate, in no moment, catches herself wishing Cara was her soulmate. It doesn’t even cross her mind. 

Still, they undoubtedly have a very good time together and Kate is not even mad for having to deal with a week full of teasing afterwards – as if Ollie isn't grateful Kate didn’t go back to the dorm that night. 

The problems don’t start until her second accidental rendezvous with Cara, a bit over a week later. And problem number one comes right after they bump into each other again.

This time around Kate definitely looks morose. She’s exhausted, her muscles aching from all the straining she had to do in today’s practice. Cara doesn’t even say hello, just sits in the stool next to Kate, grabs her hand and with wide eyes she asks, “What the fuck happened here?”

Kate looks down at her bloody red knuckles and mumbles without thinking, “A very bad day for my soulmate, that’s for sure.”

Upon the realization of what just came out of her mouth, her eyes widen. The last thing Kate needs right now is Cara thinking she is dropping hints. 

To her surprise, Cara laughs. Unrestrained and loud. 

"You're funny. I like it," Cara smiles bright and wide and Kate, taken by surprise by the ease with which the brunette took that comment, finds it especially hard not to smile back. 

So far, so good. It doesn’t seem much like a problem, right? Wrong. That single slip up leads to an unfortunate sequence of events that Kate is absolutely not ready to deal with, and it all starts with a simple 3-word question.

“Who is Lucy?” 

Kate almost falls out of bed. Out of everything that could come out of Cara's mouth after two pretty great rounds of sex, 'who is Lucy' is that last thing Kate expected. How does she even—

"W-What?"

"You said her name when we were…"

"I did not!" 

"Granted it was more like a moan, but still. Who is she?" 

Kate stares at Cara, wide eyed and brain empty. She has never in life said the wrong name during sex. Ever. There's gotta be an explanation as to how Cara knew that name. Stalker. Psychic. Mind-reader. Something.

"I didn't say her name," Kate tries again, a bit more convincing this time around.

"Oh, so there is a she," Cara presses and Kate is one word away from kicking her out. The brunette lifts Kate’s bruised hand and asks, “Is she your soulmate?”

"What the fuck? No! Who even asks that question?" Kate says, feeling genuinely outraged. It didn't matter that a part of her brain was whispering, but you wish she was.  

"Sorry!" Cara says, lifting her hands in surrender. "I’m sorry. I was just teasing. I really didn't mean to offend."

Kate huffs, crossing her arms in hope that it will make her look more defiant, "Shouldn't you be worried about your soulmate?"

"Nah, Juls is fine."

Kate's brain errors for the second time in less than five minutes. She has either damaged her hearing during this week's practice or Cara just casually dropped her soulmate's name like she isn't naked in Kate's bed.

"What?"

"What what?"

" Juls ?" Kate doesn’t mean to make it sound like a curse, she doesn't even care about this Juls person. 

"Yeah. Julia, my soulmate. We have an open relationship."

"AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL ME?"

"I'm pretty sure I did," Cara says.

"No, you didn't," Kate is pretty sure, she'd remember it. 

"Ok, uh, sorry? Is that a… problem?" 

Well, no. Kate has nothing against open relationships or sleeping with one half of said relationship. She could never have one herself, God forbid, but she didn't mind being the third part. So, why does that information bother her?

Cara continues, “I thought you weren’t looking for anything serious…”

“I’m not,” Kate answers quickly. “It’s not a problem. But you should’ve told me.”

"I am sorry," For some reason, Kate actually believes her. 

Kate nods and they lay in silence for a couple of minutes. But that 3-word crack in her defenses leads to a whole other problem: a self-pitying and overthinking party.

She racks her brain trying to understand why she suddenly feels so… wrong. Off. She’s not jealous. At least not of Cara. She doesn’t have feelings for the woman, doesn’t feel any connection to her outside the physical aspect, so it can’t be it. Could it be the fact that Cara has a soulmate, that she has found something that Kate can’t seem to find for herself?

She spends a whole lot of time trying to convince herself that a soulmate is not something she wants, spends a whole lot of energy trying to ignore the pang in her chest everytime someone finds theirs, trying not to feel like an asshole for thinking “When is it my turn? Why does everyone get to have someone but I don’t? What is wrong with me?” Every. Single. Time. She knows it’s not all perfect, not always ideal. But sometimes it can be and she is tired of pretending she doesn’t think so. 

The self-pitying party gets interrupted by Cara’s big mouth.

“So you really won’t tell me who Lucy is?” She asks. "Really gonna let me live with only half of the gossip? When it kills me, I'll pin you for murder."

Kate doesn’t know why, but she lets out a watery laugh. It's not funny, if anything it’s terrifying. But staying true to herself and her newly self-pitying admission, she finds herself telling Cara everything.

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

The next problem, the worst one of them all, happens long after Cara’s left.

Instead of staying home by herself, Kate decides to go back to campus. She shouldn’t have because at 3AM she wakes up every one in a mile radius with her screams.

“Kate! Kate!” Ollie screams, holding her to the bed as best as she can. “You’re safe!” You’re ok!”

The safe bit she’s aware of, but she is not ok. Far from it. Her face, her arms, her ribs, everything burns. She can't breathe. She's sweating, drenching the entire bed. It's the worst wyrd she has ever gotten. What the fuck happened?

Their supervisor, Agent Beckett, arrives at their room with a gun in her hands. It only takes one look at Kate for her to relax her stance.

"Shit," Ollie mutters, looking from Kate to Agent Beckett. “I’ve never seen this many. I-Is it… normal?”

The agent nods, “I got pretty beaten up during a case once, Rick had a hell of a couple of weeks.” Then, directed at Kate, she adds, “Is your soulmate a cop?”

Kate shakes her head, the movement making her dizzy, “I don’t know, ma'am. I don't know who they are.” And for the first time in months, she finds herself desperately hoping her soulmate isn't Lucy. 

Please, let her be ok. 

Beckett sighs, nodding once again. She asks Kate a couple more questions about her well-being, then excuses her from training tomorrow despite Kate's protests.

An hour later, Kate's still awake. Once she’d gotten her breathing under control, she took a quick trip to the bathroom to assess the damage, and fuck. Maybe Beckett was right to cut her off from training tomorrow. There were bruises on her chin and cheek, her left eye was swollen shut, tiny scars covered her both arms and a purple bruise was forming on her ribs. She looks like shit and she's got the mild reaction. She can't begin to imagine the state of her soulmate, the actual bruises and cuts on their skin.

What the fuck did you get yourself into? 

She thinks about what agent Beckett said, about her soulmate being a cop. Could they be a Fed? Maybe they could end up as partners. The possibility makes her feel giddy. A colleague to have her back on the job, beers after hours and to go home with. It sounds surreal. Could she be this lucky? 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

The next morning, as soon as she wakes up, Kate grabs her notebook and opens Google. 

She feels stupid typing in 'cop incident' , then 'fbi recent cases' , but it's no match for how stupid she feels typing 'Lucy' in that goddamn search bar. She doesn't even know her last name, how pathetic. Still, Kate doesn’t stop until she has gone through every possible variation she can think of, going from 'Lucy involved in an accident' , to 'Lucy Hawai'i Texas' . 

When no recent result pops up, Kate relaxes, but only a fraction. Maybe they just didn't find— Nope. Not going down the depressing road. But just to make sure no photos of her Lucy would pop up in the news, Kate keeps checking the news every day. 

She only stops because she feels a tiny scar cut through her thumb four days after the major wyrd . The relief she feels is incomprehensible.

"I'm ok." She can pretty much hear a voice in her head whisper. 

For the time ever, Kate answers a wyrd with a wyrd . A small cut on the opposite thumb , "I'm fucking glad to hear that." 

After 9 weeks, the graduation day has finally arrived. Kate is pumped. She can't believe she actually did it. She survived the physical training and is on her way to becoming an actual Federal Agent! 

"How are you feeling, Miss FBI Agent?" Cara asks, sitting on a small table at the farthest end of a coffee shop. 

"Future FBI Agent," Kate corrects, accepting the cup of coffee Cara slides her way. "Don't jinx it."

"How are you feeling, Miss Future FBI Agent?" She repeats, correcting herself.

"Pretty good, thank you very much," Kate is unable to hide the twinge of pride in her voice.

"As you should,” Julia says, sipping on her coffee. “Do you have a preferred state?"

Ah yes, she has met Julia, Juls. She is super cool and sweet and Kate kinda likes her more than she likes Cara, which she always, always points out.

After the whole ‘ I do want to find my soulmate ’ revelation and her two-hour babble to Cara about Lucy, they both agreed that whatever was happening there, it had lost its appeal. But they both liked each other as human beings, so they decided to remain friends. In the process, she ended up meeting Juls. It wasn’t nearly as weird as Kate assumed it would be, she actually loves them together and the trust they have in each other is something to be looked up to.

(She’s still monogamous though, don’t even–)

Kate hums, “Not really, I mean. DC would be nice, you know. It’s home and everything, but I’m willing to test the water somewhere else too. As long as I get a good team, I don’t think the place is really important.”

“Preach,” Julia says, tipping her cup.

“You know what would be funny?” Cara asks, the mischievous grin on her face letting Kate know she’s going to hate whatever comes out of her mouth next. “You getting posted in Hawai’i.”

Julia almost chokes on her coffee while Kate just stares unimpressed at Cara.

“That won’t happen,” Kate answers like the idea hadn’t crossed her mind before. “Pam probably has some mastermind plan to keep me within reach.”

“Ah right, your Federal Mommy,” Cara says like the dumbass she is. “How does it feel to be God’s favorite?”

Kate rolls her eyes, if she only knew…

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

A strong and unexpected knock on the door almost makes Kate’s delicate eyeliner turn into something out of a horror movie. 

“Come in,” She says, smiling when she sees Agent Beckett on the other side of her bedroom door.

Olive is out, getting dressed in Sarah’s room, leaving Kate with the room to herself. 

“Nice outfit,” The woman compliments, looking very good herself in her navy blue dress and stilettos. Before Kate gets the chance to compliment her back, she continues, “Are you ready for today?”

“I am,” Kate says, her body buzzing with excitement. 

“Good, because you have a visitor.”

Kate is confused. She didn’t invite anyone and no one from the outside, other than Cara and Julia, knows about the ceremony — and both of them have invitations. 

“A visitor, ma’am?”

“He’s waiting for you in the conference room,” She says, as enigmatic as before. When Kate doesn’t move, she claps her hands once, “C’mon, let’s not leave him waiting.”

“Right!” Kate is on her feet and rushing after her supervisor in a second. 

“Good luck,” Beckett whispers as she opens the door for Kate to go inside. 

Why would she need lu— Her thoughts get interrupted as she sees who is in the room.

“Agent Whistler!” A man says, hands on his hips and a broad smile on his face. “It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Michael Curtis.”

“I know,” She whispers a bit wide eyed. ASAC Curtis is considered to be one of the best and his team has one of the highest numbers of closed cases in the country. Ambrosio used to be his boss in DC before she became SAC herself and passed down the position to her best agent. Kate has heard so many stories… “I’m sorry. Yes, sir. Nice to meet you too.”

ASAC Curtis chuckles lightly, “I’ve heard some pretty impressive things about you, Agent.”

Kate doesn’t know what to say to that, so she just nods and smiles shyly at the man.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on a lot of promising agents, especially one that I’ve heard wonders about from my former boss SAC Pamela Ambrosio. You may have heard about her,” Kate nods. She thinks she knows where this is heading, but she doesn’t want to think too far ahead and end up jinxing everything (again). “That being said, your test scores are the best I’ve seen in quite a while and I hope SAC Tennant didn’t get to you before I did. She likes to steal my agents, you see.” 

Kate wants to giggle, she wants to throw her hands in the air and do the stupidest, most silly dancing she’s ever done. 

“She did not, Sir.”

“Good. With that settled, I’d like to offer you a junior position in my team. You can think abou—”

“Yes,” Kate says, not needing to hear the end of the sentence. Of course the answer is yes. “I accept it, Sir.”

“Perfect!” Curtis says with a wide smile. “Now we just need to lose to the Sir .”

“That won’t happen… Sir,” Kate says, her honesty filter damaged in the excitement.

“Why did I know you’d say that,” Curtis chuckles, shaking his head. “Welcome to the Hawaiian division, Special Agent Whistler.”

Kate’s brain errors. 

“I'm sorry, what?”

Chapter Text

Do you know how TV shows have that one character that is the recipient of every single tragic, comedic or fucked up plot? That's Kate. On whatever shitshow her life has turned into.

Taking her sunglasses off, Kate stares at the vast ocean in front of her. She's sure that Noah is laughing his ass off right now somewhere in the universe. 

When ASAC Curtis approached her a week ago with the job offer, Kate was happy to know she would actually end up back home in DC. It was a place she knew well, knew its customs and secrets. It was a familiar place and she could use that familiarity to do some good. Besides, Ambrosio was the SAC there and it wouldn’t hurt to have direct contact to the big table. So to say Curtis’ “Welcome to the Hawaiian division” threw her for a loop would be a mild misunderstatement. 

After what felt like hours of stunned silence on Kate’s part, she managed to question the ASAC about what he meant by Hawaiian , and to no one’s surprise but Kate’s, he had actually meant Hawai’i. Turns out he had been transferred from DC to lead the Hawai’i division earlier this year by Ambrosio herself and was still in the process of putting together the perfect team. 

Just her luck. 

Ok, that sounds ungrateful. Kate feels honored. Really. It's not Curtis' fault her brain has been Lucy-wired and decided to focus solely on the Hawai'i part of the conversation. She's very, very thankful for the recruitment and that is what matters. Not the fact that ever since she came back, she's been going to the same bar night after night in hopes she'll catch a glimpse of curly brown hair and bright amber eyes. 

Shaking her head, Kate shifts her focus back to the present. To the fact that today is her very first day as an Special Agent and that she is completely and irrevocably terrified. Millions of what if scenarios run through her brain: What if Quantico wasn't enough? What if she makes a fool out of herself and never gets taken seriously because of it? What if she makes Curtis regret the decision to hire her? What if she's not ready? What if this was a horrible, horrible mistake?

Absent-mindedly, Kate presses her middle finger to her thumb, sinking her fingernail there. It's not enough to bruise, let alone cut it, but the pressure is enough to dim Kate's anxiety by a fraction.

It's a habit she, they , developed after the ‘incident’, a.k.a. the worst wyrd Kate's ever gotten, making a small cut on their thumb at any given occasion. Kate usually does it when she’s feeling anxious, nervous or lonely and she likes to imagine the reason behind why her soulmate does it, what were they feeling, were they thinking about her, did they need anything? It’s a weird type of relationship to have with someone she has never met, but it’s comforting nonetheless. 

“Special Agent Whistler!” As she stares dreamingly at her finger, ASAC Curtis makes himself known. He’s wearing… a sports shirt? “Glad you made it safely! Are you ready to meet the team?”

Ah, the million dollar question. Is she? 

Curtin must read the apprehension in her features because he chuckles.

“You'll be fine. I wouldn't have brought you in if I didn't believe that wholeheartedly.” Kate appreciates the pick me up, it feels nice to be believed in. It’s unlike anything she’s experienced in DIA and it’s happening on her very first day on the job. It’s gotta be a good sign, right?

“Lead the way,” Kate says, voice sounding more steady and confident than she had expected it to.

Her team consists of three people, plus, of course, Curtis himself. The first introduced is Maria Prado, the Senior Agent and second in charge. She seems like a lovely woman and there’s something maternal about how she greets Kate into the team. Kate likes her immediately. The second is Lee Huang, a forty something guy whose nickname is Toothless because according to Maria, he never smiles. However, Huang does greet Kate politely and doesn’t seem like an asshole at all. Last, but not least, there’s Cole Oliveira, also a Junior Agent who graduated from Quantico in the class before Kate. They seem to be the youngest of the team and the one with least amount of professional background, but Curtis and the team lacked no praises towards the younger agent, who looked at them like an overexcited puppy. Something tells Kate they are going to be her favorite. 

After the initial presentation and a few minutes of chitchat, it’s time for a tour around the building. Curtis leads her to all the main offices and rooms and Kate has to admit that she didn’t think the FBI building would be this large. All those ‘take these files to your supervisor on the other side of the building ’ tasks at Quantico made sense now.

The tour ends at Kate’s desk.

“You can leave your things here,” Curtis says, pointing to space around the desk and Kate does what she is told. “There are a few more people I'd like you to meet.”

Kate nods and follows along. She was thinking it might be the essential personnel she didn't get a chance to meet during the tour, but when Curtis, instead, leads her to the parking lot, Kate can't mask the confusion.

“Sir…” She starts at the very same time Curtis asks, “How would you feel about taking the role of liaison?”

“Liaison, sir?” Kate furrows her eyebrows. That's the last thing she was expecting. She didn't transfer to the FBI to keep working as a liaison. She wanted to solve crimes, catch bad guys and maybe take a punch or two if only to have a story to tell in the future. 

“You will still have your own cases,” Curtis reassures. “But eventually Jane Tennant’s NCIS team will need you to provide them with intel, or any other resource the FBI have that may assist them with a case. Given your experience with the DIA, I can’t think of anyone better to fit this role.”

“Would I be actively helping with the cases, or just handling the communication and paperwork between the offices?” Kate asks, not that it matters.  Curtis may seem like he’s giving her a choice, but at the end all bosses are the same. Besides, she’d never say no to the task handed to her on her first day. Unless, of course, it was something absurd or antithetical. 

“Well, theoretically, communication and paperwork, but I know Jane Tennant. There’s no way she won’t pull you into the case to help as well,” Curtis gives a lighthearted chuckle. “All I ask is that you only work one case at a time. No overexerting yourself trying to play double agent. Give them intel and bid them good luck. I’m sure they’ll survive.”

No overexerting yourself. Kate is barely able to hold back the chuckle. Has he met her? Back at the DIA it was four cases a day if she was lucky. Not that she’ll ever be saying that out loud. 

“Alright. I’ll do it,” Kate nods. 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Curtis drives them to NCIS's base for Kate to be introduced to her second team. As they go through the base’s security check, Kate feels her insides begin to churn. It’s a confusing reaction seeing that even with all the jitters and insecurities that came with meeting her FBI team, Kate hadn’t felt nauseated. Perhaps that was the outcome of her brief 5 minute phone research on SAC Jane Tennant, who even superficially sounded more impressive than anyone she has ever known. 

The bullpen is empty save for a few scattered agents passing by, Curtis leads her all the way to a glass office. Tennant’s office, Kate assumes. 

He knocks before poking his head inside.

“Finally!” Kate hears the woman say, “I was starting to think you were stalling.”

“I would never,” Curtis steps into the room, motioning to Kate to follow. “Tennant, I’d like you to meet your new liaison, Special Agent Kate Whistler.”

Kate stands tall, feeling slightly awkward, in front of NCIS’s SAC. Tennant is taller than Kate had imagined and softer as well. The smile on her face as she greets Kate with a firm hand-shake is nothing but warm and receptive.

“It's very nice to meet you, Special Agent Whitler. I've heard great things,” Kate feels her cheeks burning and desperately hopes that the layer of concealer she applied this morning is hiding the blush. 

“Likewise, Special Agent Tennant,” She wants to pat herself on the back for not sounding like a teenage girl meeting her idol for the first time. 

Turning to Curtis, Tennant raises an eyebrow, “Does this introduction mean I can steal her already?”

Curtis glances towards Kate, his entire face screaming ‘told ya’ . Kate cannot help but laugh.

“Only because we don’t have a case right now,” Curtis says, but Kate has an increasing suspicion that Curtis is not very good at saying no to Jane Tennant, not that she blames him. 

Her boss pats her on the shoulder, bids the women goodbye and leaves the room. 

“So, first day. How are you feeling?” Tennant asks.

“Excited. Also a bit nervous,” Kate doesn’t know why she said that last part out loud, but Tennant doesn’t seem to mind, in fact she smiles fondly at her.

“I’d be suspicious if you weren’t,” Then with a mischievous grin, she adds, “If it makes you feel any better, my junior agent tackled a guy on her first case because she thought he was running away, when in reality he was just doing his morning jog. That gave me a lot of paperwork.”

Laughter burst out from Kate’s lips. As insane as that story sounds, Kate really can’t blame the agent. She wouldn’t put it past herself to do something equally dumb on her first day in the field. 

“C’mon, let’s meet the team. I’m sure they’ll love to have you here.”

Tennant leads her to the second floor, to a room commonly known as the war room. She gives Kate her brief outline about the case they are working on and step by step instructions on what she needs Kate’s help with. Instead of belittling her and making her feel like a first grader like some instructors at Quantico did, Tennant's explanation is pretty much the opposite. It leaves Kate feeling more secure in what she’s doing and what she’ll have to do in the future.

At least until the door to the war room opens.

There are five people standing inside facing the large screens on the other side of the room, and they all turn at the sound of the door opening. Kate vaguely hears some “‘Sup boss” greetings, but she couldn’t care less about it. Couldn’t care less about four of the agents standing there looking at her. Her eyes, instead, are glued to the set of amber eyes she never thought she’d see again. 

Lucy.

Her Lucy. Well, not her , her Lucy, but her Lucy. Her two nights and three days Lucy is standing there. In Pearl Harbor. In front of Kate. Wide eyes, mouth agape and gun strapped to her hip. 

Ignoring everything and everyone else in the room, Kate allows herself a moment to let her eyes roam over the brunette’s body. Her hair is as curly as Kate remembers, it makes her fingers itch with the need to touch it. She’s wearing a plain white shirt, skinny jeans so tight Kate is not sure how she can move and combat boots. It’s a stark contrast to the outfit she was wearing when they first met and Kate loves it. 

She keeps her gaze locked on Lucy until the brunette, God knows how, stumbles over her own feet while standing still. The only reason she doesn’t meet the floor is the large man beside her grabbing her by the shoulders to keep her steady. He gives her a funny look and Kate doesn’t miss the way her cheeks get just a shade darker. 

Tennant clears her throat, her eyes darting between Kate and Lucy, “Guys, this is Special Agent Kate Whistler, our new FBI liaison.”

Kate straightens her posture, trying to act professional after possibly ruining her reputation by spending minutes ogling Lucy, “Nice to meet you all.”

A man in the far right corner, wearing bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, waves and yells “Hi!”

“The excited one over there is Ernie Malik, our computer specialist,” Tennant says, pointing to the bermuda guy. “Beside him is Commander Carla Chase, our medical examiner.” 

Commander Chase bows to Kate, “Special Agent Whistler, you have a beautiful aura.”

Kate opens her mouth, then closes it again, not sure what to say to that.

Tennant saves her as she continues with the introductions, “Then we have Special Agents Kai Holman, Jesse Boone and Lucy Tara.”

Lucy Tara. Kate almost says it out loud, wanting to test how the name sounds coming from her lips. 

“Nice to meet you, Whistler,” Agent Boone says, giving her a genuine smile. 

“Welcome to the team,” Agent Holman says, giving her an awkward thumbs up. 

Every eye in the room turns to Lucy who is staring at her boots. It takes her a beat, but she finally lifts her gaze from the floor and looks wide eyed at the team.

“Right! Yes! Hi! It’s nice to m–” She shakes her head, “Welcome!” 

Kate has to bite her lip to stop a smile from forming there.

“Right,” Tennant says, still eyeing the two women suspiciously. “The case. Guys?”

Kate doesn’t know why she does it, it's like her body is moving without her permission. The second she clocks out, she walks to her car then drives to the spot in town she's long considered to be theirs.

They didn't agree on anything, barely spoke to each other outside of case related matters. Still, every time Lucy's hands brushed Kate's, they lingered for just a second too long, sending a bolt of electricity through Kate's body. Still, Kate could constantly feel Lucy's gaze on her, her mouth twitching upwards whenever Kate caught her staring. Still, on Kate's first time on the field, Lucy stood beside her a fraction too close, arms outstretched to her sides as if to shield Kate from a possible threat. 

It was sweet and unexpected, and every single one of those small caring actions emboldened Kate to think that maybe, just maybe Lucy hasn't completely forgotten her as well. 

So yes, they didn’t agree on anything, but Kate knows where she'll find Lucy tonight.

Kate walks into the small neighborhood bar feeling like she is about to throw up. She might just be making the stupidest mistake of her life. There's no time to second guess herself though. The moment the bar's front door opens, Lucy, who is sitting in the very same stall she was when they first met, turns towards her and their eyes meet.

Those eyes will never not make her lose her breath.  

Kate walks to her as if magnetized, “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Kate doesn’t know who moves first, but in a fraction of a second her lips are on Lucy’s and she is moaning against her will. Her fists close around Lucy's army green jacket, pulling her closer, while Lucy's hands run from Kate's face to her lower back, holding her in place.

Screw her previous comment. This right here might be her stupidest, biggest mistake. But God , what a wonderful mistake. 

The kiss is even better than Kate remembers. It's lustful and hot, but it's also sweet and familiar. Kate tries not to think about the fact that it feels like Lucy is saying welcome back with every flicker of her tongue. 

They only disentangle from each other when someone at the back of the bar screams ‘get a room’. It hits Kate right there and then they are in public. Her face burns in scarlet red while Lucy just looks smug. What is it about this woman that makes Kate forget herself?

Kate clears her throat and focuses on her hands instead of Lucy’s lips, unsure if she should apologize for her advance or just roll with it like it’s something they frequently do. After all, Lucy did kiss her back with matching fire. 

Before she has the chance to completely overthink this very pleasant situation, the bartender places two cups in front of Lucy and she slides one in Kate's direction, “Whiskey neat, right?” 

Kate's heart flip-flops inside her chest. She doesn’t remember telling Lucy her choice of drink back during their two-night-three-day thingy, which can only mean two things. One: She did mention and forgot, but Lucy didn't.  Two: Lucy paid her enough attention to notice what she was drinking that night. Either way, Kate can finally understand why people use keyboard smashes to express their feelings. 

“Yeah, thanks,” Kate says, feeling unusually shy. She stares at her glass, trying to fight the smile that wants to break through her lips.

It meant something, right? If Lucy remembers, it has got to have meant something. They must've meant something. 

“It's not poisoned,” Lucy says, an amused smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Kate rolls her eyes. The smile she's been fighting off turns into a smirk, “You wouldn't be that stealth.”

Lucy gaps, placing a hand on her chest, “I'm plenty stealth!”

Humming, Kate turns to face her fully, “Tennant told me about how you tackled a guy during your first case.” 

“Because he ran!” 

“He was jogging,” Kate says, smiling at the way Lucy pouts and crosses her arms.

“What do you know? You weren't even there,” She mumbles grumpily. “But it's nice to see you are still just as mean.” 

Kate chuckles, “Yeah, well. I distinctly remember someone saying they liked it.”

Lucy raises both of her eyebrows, her mouth falling open in a stunned expression and Kate starts to worry she may have pushed too far, but then…

“They still do,” Lucy's voice is nothing but a breathless whisper.

Kate's eyes meet hers and the intensity she finds there sends a shiver down her spine.

Fuck . 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

They don't talk about it. Not after the first, second or fifth time. It's equal parts maddening and freeing because as much as Kate wants to talk about it, she is also afraid to acknowledge it, afraid that if she does, it will end, and the last thing Kate wants is for it to end.

For the first time in a very long time, she feels genuinely happy. Work is amazing, her teams, both of them, are great and Lucy, well, Lucy is Lucy, which means she's incredible in every aspect and much more than Kate could've ever asked for. 

At work they keep it professional, or as professional as you can while stealing glances at each other at any given time. Kate is pretty sure everyone in the NCIS team and a few in the FBI team suspects that there's something going on between them. Lucy is anything but discreet. No one comments on it though, to which Kate's grateful for.

Outside of work, on the other hand, they spend most of their time together. They rendezvous at each other's place, go for walks and jogs in the early mornings before work, go to hidden spots at the beach — Lucy grumbling and mumbling all the time about sand in her boots, and go to the gym where Lucy teaches her more sparring techniques. Lucy takes her to exotic restaurants that she knows no one from work would ever go to and holds Kate's hand on the way home. Sometimes she kisses Kate goodnight, but most of the time she ends her nights on the right side of Kate's bed, not always naked but always warm. 

Things are wonderful, magnificent even, which is exactly where the problem lies. 

Back at Quantico, Kate came to terms with her desire to find her soulmate, and whenever that desire assumed the form of Lucy, Kate knew deep down it was more about projecting her longing for a soulmate into a person she felt an incredible connection with than it was about actually seeing it come true. After all, she knew almost nothing about Lucy, all she knew was how she felt around her. 

Things changed though. Kate knows Lucy now.

She knows big things and small things, knows Lucy can bake and cook better than most contestants of cooking shows. She knows how she takes her coffee — black with two to four packets of sugar added to it, which Kate finds outrageous. She knows she hates the beach and other bodies of water, but would spend three hours in a bathtub if possible. She knows she has two brothers and one sister, that she only talks to once in a blue moon and parents she doesn't talk to at all. She knows they are the reason she left Texas and why she doesn't use her actual last name, Al-Tarawneh, shortening it instead to Tara. 

In hindsight, Kate should’ve known that was a bad idea. Because now that she knows Lucy, the possibility of ever stopping knowing her is devastating. The possibility of Lucy's soulmate walking through the door and whisking her away, the possibility of Kate being left alone with a broken heart — again — is soul crushing.

Not only that, there’s also the possibility of Kate’s own soulmate showing up. Then what? Doesn’t whoever that is deserve a change to get to know her? Doesn’t she want that chance?  Is what she has with Lucy today enough to make her turn her back to own soulmate? 

It’s an impossible situation and logically, Kate knows she should be panicking. There’s too many unknown variables. Logically, she knows she better put a stop to this before it's too late. 

But…

But.

The faintest possibility that Lucy may actually be her soulmate hasn’t stopped paying rent for a very dark one-bedroom apartment in her mind. Given the circumstances, however, it seems unlikely. Too unlikely, sometimes. 

They’ve been spending a lot of time together and, still, they’ve never gotten a wyrd together. To be honest, Kate doesn’t think she has seen Lucy get a wyrd at all. She’s seen Jesse throw a stapler all the way across the bullpen when his wife broke her arm, seen Kai almost falling face first on the floor when something happened to his leg, she’s even seen Tennant wincing at a sharp pain somewhere in the left side of her body. But she has never, ever, seen Lucy so much as flinch with a burst of pain. As much as Kate has been careful during her time out in the field, she did get more than a few cuts and bruises here and there in these two months. 

Lucy, herself, hasn't gotten hurt in the field since they've begun their…. their thing, so Kate doesn’t have anything substantial on that end either. The thumb ‘conversation’ has also decreased since she and Lucy got together again. Once, when she was feeling bold, Kate made a small, barely there cut on her right thumb while in Lucy’s space just out of curiosity. The woman didn’t react. She didn’t leave her thumb in Kate’s line of sight for the rest of the day either. 

The only time Kate had a significant wyrd in her brief two months on O’ahu was while she was running a lead with Jesse and Kai. Her left knee caves in while they are in the middle of a chase and it happens at the very same moment their suspect takes Kai down. Jesse makes fun of them once the suspect is apprehended, and Kate and Kai stare at each other with the same level of disgust stamped on their faces.

“No offense,” They both say at the same time. Then, they all burst out laughing. 

Later that day, Kate hears Lucy and Jane had their own run down with a suspect not far from where they were, and while Lucy looks fine, Kate analyzes the way she walks with extra attention.

Living in this suspended, limbo-ed area is incredibly frustrating.

So frustrating in fact that when Kate has one of her rare nights alone, she sits on her bed in the middle of the night with her laptop in front of her. With a VPN installed and an anonymous search engine, she types the words ‘how to find out if someone is your soulmate quiz ’. It's even more frustrating (and humiliating) when none of the results help her with anything, serving only to leave her with more questions. 

“Maybe you should, I don’t know, ask her,” Julia says unhelpfully in the group chat. 

“Maybe her soulmate is dead,” Cara adds only to get scolded by her very own soulmate for saying something cold like that. “What? It can happen, and in that case Kate really doesn’t have to worry.”

Is it wrong that Kate does feel slightly happy about that possibility?

Of course it is! Oh God, what is wrong with you, asshole?

Truth is, Kate doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t know what to do and what to hope for. What she does know, however, is that she needs a plan.

Chapter Text

“There's absolutely no way you jumped off a cliff,” Kate says, shaking her head in disbelief at another one of Lucy's tales.

It's 6AM on a Thursday and they are both having breakfast on Kate's balcony. Lucy made her famous waffles and is now in the middle of telling some crazy stories about her old cases. 

It’s been two weeks since Kate realized she had no idea what she was doing with her life. Two weeks since she decided she needed a plan. Two weeks and all she achieved so far was failing to keep Lucy at an arm’s length and making two spreadsheets. One named evidence Lucy is my soulmate , the other named evidence Lucy isn’t my soulmate .

Despite the fact Kate has always functioned better with the facts laid in front of her, this time, the bullet points don’t seem to be helping her at all. If anything, those beady black dots staring at her are only making things worse. 

“Ok. Maybe I didn't jump, but Tracy did and I was right there beside her!” Lucy says, pointing to Kate like she is the hostess of a TV show. “And– and I beat the crap out of him!” 

Kate hums. According to Lucy this is the most badass she’s ever been. She’s also gotten pretty badly beaten, which Kate makes a point of reminding her, adding a “Did you or did you not just say you had to eat liquid food for a week?” for good measure

“Semantics…” Lucy says, rolling her eyes half-heartedly. 

Kate chuckles, but something shoved deep inside of her stirs at that story.

She always pays the utmost attention to everything Lucy says, even when it looks like she doesn’t. She has these little files in her memory storing the tiniest of details, and she loves to casually drop them in a conversation and watch Lucy’s entire face light up.

Lately though, it’s been about more than just making Lucy happy. It’s also about gathering evidence to build her case and this particular piece of evidence takes her back to the wyrd she got at Quantico all those months ago. Surely Lucy being beaten to a pulp on a rocky mountain would cause the sort of bruises that appeared on Kate’s skin that night. Right?

Her phone pings, alerting a new message and saving her from the imminent spiral. She checks it, worried it might be something work related, but, to her surprise, it's a message from Cara in their group chat. 

Cara Marston [6:07AM]: WE ARE ✈️ ON OUR WAY ✈️ TO HAWAII!! 

As Kate replies to this out-of-nowhere news with a bunch of question marks, Lucy keeps on talking about how much she has grown to appreciate the fact they can just sit together and not talk — despite the fact she’s been talking the entire time. It’s something she’s never felt comfortable doing with anyone before, and Kate is paying enough attention to soften at that statement. 

“Even now, I’m not remotely annoyed that you are not paying attention,” Kate opens her mouth to protest, but her phone pings with another message.

Julia Marston [6:09AM]: Second honeymoon.

Cara Marston [6:09AM]: (Read: an excuse to meet your girl and assess the damage)

Of course. Kate knew keeping those two updated about her situationship with the woman still rambling beside her was a bad idea. 

“You know, I've grown to love– like distracted Whistler,” Lucy says after a deep breath, her speech faltering at the Freudian slip.

Kate can only wish she was distracted enough to have missed that.

She clutches her phone so tightly, she’s impressed the screen doesn't crack.

Having feelings for Lucy is one thing and it’s dangerous enough as it is. Having Lucy’s feelings added to that equation is not something Kate was expecting. Though she knew Lucy liked her and treated her like a goddamn queen, Kate has had her doubts about how serious this thing between them was to Lucy. She would’ve never blamed her if, at the end, Kate happened to be just a fun way to pass the time. If she developed feelings, that was her own cross to bear. 

However, the knowledge that Lucy may feel the same, despite the missing soulmate thing, has the power to ignite a fire so bright no arsonist’s ever dared to dream of. Perhaps that was all the endorsement she needed to fully embrace her feelings.

Kate blinks a couple times, shifting her gaze from her phone to the gorgeous, sunkissed woman sitting beside her. It should scare her how not a single part of her believes that this, that them is not enough. 

Maybe that’s why she suddenly grows bold, because the next words that leave her mouth are completely out of character. 

“What’s the worst wyrd you’ve ever gotten?” Kate immediately covers her mouth with her hand, her eyes widening alongside Lucy’s. 

“So we are talking about it now, uh?” Lucy carefully places her mug on the table between them and looks at Kate.

“No, I just— Shit. Sorry. I don't know why I asked that.” 

“It's fine,” Lucy interrupts. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all. I don't mind.”

“You don't?”

Lucy shrugs, “I mean, everyone has it and it feels kind of stupid hiding it.”

Oh. So Lucy does get wyrds , she just hides them well.

Kate is acutely aware of what that information may mean to their relationship, but there is a newfound calmness to her that doesn’t let her spiral into an overthinking mess. 

“My leg. Well, their leg, I guess. Probably broken or something like that given the way I was limping for a week,” Lucy continues, a far away look in her eyes. “Yours?”

Kate does a mental rundown of all her injuries in a span of 5 seconds out of habit. She broke her leg in College, back when she thought it was a smart idea riding a bike home after getting wasted. However, as with most things regarding Lucy and wyrds , it doesn't really take Kate anywhere. Most people have broken their legs. It’s not like it’s a unique experience.

 Unlike the worst wyrd she got. 

“I was in Quantico. It was a pretty bad one. Face, arm, ribs, everything hurt. Thought something bad could've happened,” Kate studies Lucy as she says it. But to someone who is usually good at reading facial and body expression, Kate is getting nothing out of Lucy right now. 

“Did it?” Lucy's voice sounds strained. Kate can’t say if it’s because of recognition or because of the topic of their conversation.

“Probably. But they are fine,” Kate shrugs.

“How'd you know?”

Kate, not yet ready to give away their special thumb communication, answers with a simple, “Their accident prone ass.”

Lucy bursts out laughing, surprising Kate. It’s so loud and bubbly that Kate finds it hard to keep the smile off her own face. 

“Giving you trouble, uh?”

“Meh,” Kate shrugs again. “It’s been pretty quiet these last few months actually.”

Lucy hums in response, “Maybe they finally realized there’s someone on the other side and they don’t want to see them hurt.”

It’s not so much about the words themselves, but the way Lucy says them, the way she's looking at Kate right now. A tingling sensation spreads throughout her body at Lucy’s unwavering gaze and Kate feels like she is two seconds away from passing out. 

Was that– Is she– 

Lucy’s phone rings, breaking the moment. Kate doesn’t know if she feels grateful or annoyed for the interruption. 

Why is it that everytime she makes progress with understanding and coming to peace with her feelings something happens and pulls the carpet from under her feet?

It's not all bad. This is not bad. But it certainly wasn't on Kate's bingo card for today.

Lucy hums in agreement a few times to the person on the other side of the line, then in a slip second she is off her chair and leaning down to press a kiss on top of Kate’s head. 

“We’ve got a case. I’ll see you later?”

It's such a natural, casual thing for her to do that Kate starts to wonder if their previous conversation took place solely in her head. How can she be so normal when Kate needs at least 3-5 business days to recover from the implications of what just happened?

“Mhm,” She hums in response, not trusting her voice.

Lucy lifts Kate’s chin up with her index finger and places the gentlest of kisses to her lips. Then she’s out the door with a spring in her step, Kate’s water bottle in hand and a smile on her face.

After Lucy left, Kate spent a reasonable amount of minutes, sitting with her head in her hands, grumbling and muttering nonsense. It didn’t solve anything, not literally, at least, but it did bring her some perspective. 

She’s spent most of her adult life saying that soulmates were bullshit. That they weren’t a guarantee for anything. See her parents, her friends from College, random people on the internet. Then, when loneliness came crashing down, she admitted to wanting them, admitted that sometimes they were good and loving and caring. See Noah and Clara, Cara and Julia, Jesse and Heather, Jane and Tommy.

Soulmates are a bet. A risk you are either willing to take, or not. It’s terrifying and the uncertainty of it makes Kate’s palms go clammy with sweat. Yet, she, somehow, made peace with it. She wanted the connection, the love.

Then, there’s Lucy. 

Lucy who made Kate smile a little too big, a little too fondly for a casual relationship. Lucy who always listens and never judges, except when it comes to Kate’s questionable taste in movies – her words. Lucy who always weighs Kate into her decisions, considering how her choices may affect her. Lucy who always wakes her up with a forehead kiss and a mug of fresh coffee in her hands. Lucy who makes Kate feel comfortable in her own skin, comfortable to be herself in all her awkward glory. Lucy who may be her soulmate or not.

She doesn’t know why it took her so long to realize that it’s the same thing. She can’t be sure of what’s going to happen between her and Lucy, just like she can’t be sure of what would happen between her and her soulmate. It’s all a big ball of unpredictability, but it shouldn’t be reduced to that. It should, instead, be about what makes you happy, about what you want at a given moment in time, about being brave enough to jump.

A bet. A risk. And Lucy is one she’s willing to take.

“Good morning,” Kate says, walking into the FBI's bullpen with a cardboard tray in her hands. “I brought coffee!”

“Morning,” Cole says, getting up from their desk and running towards their, most likely, second dose of caffeine. “What’s got you so chipper?”

“I’m not chipper!”

“Sure you’re not.”

“Is it the scrappy NCIS agent?” Maria asks. Kate’s half hearted eye roll is the only response she gets. “When are we going to be properly introduced?”

“Weren’t you at Jesse’s barbecue last weekend?” Kate is pretty sure Maria has known Lucy for longer than she has.

“Yes, so?” Maria grabs her coffee, taking a sip from it to build the suspense. “I want the this is my girlfriend, Lucy Tara, type of introduction.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Kate says matter-of-factly. Maria doesn’t look at all convinced, but it’s the truth. They’ve never discussed titles, so, in theory, Lucy really wasn’t her girlfriend. 

Kate is saved from the rest of this conversation by Curtis, who walks into the bullpen with his eyebrows so furrowed you can’t barely see his eyes.  

“We’ve got a case,” He hands Maria one of the many files he’s holding and Kate can’t help but peek over her shoulder.

“Drug ring? How is this our case?” Cole, who apparently had the same idea as Kate, asks.

“It’s not. It’s NCIS’s.” When everyone remains quiet, still unsure about what that has to do with them, Curtis continues. “Their newest vic, however, is one of ours.”

FBI Agent Roy Burr was deep undercover in the Trey Santos drug ring for the past 2 years. Thanks to him, narcotics finally managed to get their hands on a solid proof of Santos’ involvement, a set of hard drives linking him to the operation. However, now, a week before Santos’ trial, the hard drives were wiped clean and the D.A. wants to drop the charges. Not only that, but Agent Burr was executed in broad daylight as he was being chased by two NCIS Agents. 

“Do you think he was blown?” Cole asks, chewing on the skin around their fingernails. 

Curtis scratches the back of his head, “It’s hard to know for sure. They could’ve been scared about the possibility of him talking to the police. Our communication was scarce, but from what we’ve gathered, Burr was high up in the chain. If he talked…”

The three agents nod in agreement. 

“Huang is following up with HPD. Maria, I need you and Cole to brief the NCIS team about what we know, and Whistler, I need you to try to find a loophole,” He, then, drops a shit ton of files in Kate’s arms. “You were a lawyer so, lawyer up.”

He leaves them just as fast and as grumpy as he arrived.

“I think someone needs a Lucy Tara,” Cole says, bumping fists with Maria.

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Three hours later, despite her best efforts, Kate has to tell Curtis there is no loophole. She has read and reread the case over and over, signaling everything that could lead them somewhere with color coded stickers, but at the end, with the only piece of evidence gone, they had nothing, zero, nada on Santos. Nothing that would withstand court, at least.

Kate, then, pays the NCIS team a visit, not because she misses Lucy or anything, but because she is actually interested in the case. She wants Santos behind bars just as much as the next guy.

She is glad she does so, because it leads her into finding out some pretty interesting things about her favorite brunette.

“LuckyLucy007, uh?” She asks when it’s just them in the break room. 

“I didn’t get out much in College,” Lucy looks sheepish.

“I would trade every sorority party for 146k in a heartbeat.” 

Lucy squints her entire face adorably and Kate has to fight the urge to lean down and kiss the tip of her nose.

“However, I never really understood poker. Think you could teach me some moves?”

It's an innocent question. An invitation to know more about Lucy's interests and spend some quality time with her. She should’ve known better. She should've worded things better. She's dealing with Lucy Tara after all.

A smirk blooms on Lucy’s lips alongside a killer eyebrow raise. That view by itself is enough to send her to an early grave, the words that come next are the final blow, “Oh, I’m sure I could, but only if you are not a fast learner.”

“I wasn't implying— I, I just mean—” Kate stutters, her face hot.

Lucy chuckles, “Breathe Whistler. I would genuinely love to teach you some poker. Strip or otherwise.”

Kate gunts, hiding her face behind her hands. This woman will be the death of her.

“Yo, Lucy?” Jesse calls from the bullpen, saving Kate from further humiliation. “We need you in the meeting room.” 

“Be right there!” Lucy winks at Kate and moves to leave the room. 

Before she can get too far, Kate reaches for her hand, “I'll see you later?” 

“Yeah.”

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Cara and Julia arrive unannounced at Kate’s place at around 6pm. Cara doesn’t even wait for her two feet to be in the apartment when she starts grilling Kate about Lucy. A new personal record. 

“I’m sorry, but didn’t we agree to meet at Wally’s?” Kate asks dumbly as the couple makes themself comfortable on Kate’s couch.

“We did, but since I know you wouldn’t let me grill you about your teenagelike crush in public–”

“Teenagelike crush?” Kate gasps, feeling very much outraged by that comment. 

“Did you or did you not tell me you weren’t going to ask Lucy about the S word because she could answer you?” God, she hates when Julia jumps in on the teasing. 

“Well, that changed.”

 Both pairs of eyes staring at her grow twice as large and Kate smirks.

“Did you ask her?”

“Dude!”

They both speak at the same time.

As much as Kate wants to play coy and act indifferent, she can’t. Today has been a ride like no other. She feels like an entirely different person, and she’s genuinely proud of herself for handling her emotions the way she did, for embracing the unknown and also leaning into it. It may have taken her longer than the average, but she got here and that’s all that matters. 

An hour later, after Kate’s done talking, she leaves Cara and Julia in the living room to unpack everything Kate just dumped on them. They looked incredibly happy for her, which only made Kate feel even more confident in her choices. 

There’s a light knock on the door while Kate is in the bathroom and she can hear Cara shouting she’ll get that.

“No, you won’t!” Kate shouts back, but there’s no use.

She leaves the bathroom in a rush only to arrive in the living room doorway and witness the most horrifying conversation taking place.

“Are you a friend of Whistlers?” She hears Lucy asking. 

“Yes, sorry. I’m Cara,” Somehow, Kate knows what’s about to happen before Cara even opens her mouth to continue. “I’m Kate’s soulmate.”

Kate is by the door in a heartbeat, just in time to see Lucy’s face fall.

“Cara!” Kate and Julia yell at the same time. 

“Asshole!” Kate adds, slapping the back of Cara's head for good measure.

“Oh God, I’m sorry. That was so mean!” Cara looks genuinely sorry, but Lucy is still looking between them as white as a ghost. 

“Apologize!” Julia says, showing up at the door as well.

“I did!”

“Well, do it again!”

Kate huffs, shoving both of them aside and stepping outside to talk to Lucy alone. 

“I’m sorry!” They hear Cara say again as the door closes in her face.

Kate turns to Lucy slowly. The brunette looks as awkward as Kate feels, standing with an unsure look on her face. 

“She’s not my soulmate, just a stupid friend who thinks she is funny. Julia, the other one, is her actual soulmate. I don’t know my soulmate, but it doesn’t matter I—” She swallows the rest of the sentence before she finishes Cara’s job of scaring Lucy off.

Lucy nods slowly, her cheeks gaining some of their color back. She doesn’t say anything though, simply studies Kate's face.

“Do you want me to introduce you properly? You know, start off again. They are pretty ok when they are not being little shits,” Kate has no idea why her mouth keeps on producing sounds. 

Lucy doesn’t answer her. Instead, she asks a question of her own, “Doesn’t it matter?”

“What?”

“Soulmates.”

Kate stares at Lucy, unsure of how to answer that. How to say ‘I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me, so unless you’re my soulmate, no. It doesn’t matter. ’ without scaring off a woman who isn’t even your official girlfriend?

“I think we should be able to make our own choices.” There, a safe enough answer.

A tiny smile appears on Lucy’s lips and Kate exhales the breath she didn’t even know she was holding. 

“I have to go undercover.”

Kate's brain gets whiplash at the sudden change of topic. 

“What? When?”

“Now.”

“Now?”

“Yup. The guys are waiting for me outside.”

Kate opens her mouth. Shuts it. Then repeats the process about three other times.

The case they’ve been working on comes to Kate’s mind. Pictures of Burr, bloody and lifeless, on the street are vivid behind her eyelids. 

“No,” Lucy cocks an eyebrow at her, but Kate can’t bring herself to feel shame for her panic right now. “You are a junior agent.”

“I am. I’m also the most qualified for it.”

“I— I didn’t mean,” Kate takes a deep breath. “It’s dangerous.”

“It’s a poker game.”

“With Santos.”

They stare at each other for what it feels like hours.

“Ok. Fine,” Kate is the first one to break. “I’m going with you.”

“Kate, you can’t—”

“The hell I can’t. I’m going.”

Chapter Text

As it turns out, Tennant didn’t allow Kate to actually go with Lucy. It would be too much of a risk to have both of them undercover and despite Kate’s initial chagrin and protests, she ended up agreeing with the SAC. She wouldn’t want to be the one to jeopardize Lucy’s safety. 

Instead, she hung back with the boys and Dalia in the safe house. NCIS wasn't exactly happy to have her meddling in their business, but all it took was a eyebrow raise and a call to Curtis to remind them that this was originally an FBI case. She had every right to be there.

The set up was done quickly, too quickly. The boys updated her with the latest about the case and before she knew it, Lucy was in the tiny, run down bathroom getting ready for the game. 

“She’s gonna be fine,” Jesse says, noticing the way Kate was chewing on her cuticles. Though he smiles, the apprehension in his tone is loud and clear. 

“Who are you trying to convince, me or you?”

Jesse huffs out a laugh and pats her shoulder, “Both.”

She smiles at him. It’s nice knowing that despite whatever disagreement or quarrel happens between the FBI and NCIS, when it matters, she can count on these guys to have her back and they can count on her too. It’s nice knowing you’ve found your team.

It’s exactly what she felt was missing back in her time at the DIA.

The loud creak of the bathroom door opening gets everyone’s attention. When Lucy steps out, Kate’s jaw hits the floor. She is wearing a black off-shoulder dress that barely hits the middle of her thighs. It’s all shoulders and collarbones and Kate tries not to drool too visibly. The mini dress is paired with high heels and diamond earrings. It's so unlike everything Kate has ever seen her wearing, so unlike everything Lucy owns , that she couldn't help the bemused smile even if she wanted to.

“Don't,” Lucy points an accusatory finger at Kate. 

“Wow,” She hears Jesse say under his breath.

“You look…” Kai starts, but gets interrupted by an overly excited Dalia.

“Like a Texas Cinderella!”

The boys look utterly confused, but Kate sort of sees it. She does look magical, even though that's hardly her Lucy.

“Too bad Prince Charming can’t accompany you,”  Jesse wiggles his eyebrows in a way only a Dad could.

“Oy! If there's a Prince Charming in this relationship, it's me.”

It takes a while for Kate to register that this is the first admission of their relationship and that it's happening in a professional setting. When it does dawn on her, her next words are already out and she doesn't get the time to properly freak out about what just happened. 

“Well, I am taller.”

Lucy blows her a raspberry like the mature woman going into a possible life threatening situation that she is. The boys and Dalia laugh and Kate finds out in that brief moment that she doesn’t quite mind the fact that they know know about them. It feels almost liberating. 

“You got CHAD?”

“Locked and loaded,” Lucy touches her thigh, automatically making Kate’s eyes travel lower as well. If it takes her a bit too long to look away, no one in the room notices it.

“Ok, here’s your purse thing,” Kate hands her a clutch. “You just face it this way so the camera can get a good look at the table.”

“Got it,” Lucy stares at the clutch. She looks anxious, like reality has just hit her. Everything in Kate screams for her to pull her out of this stupid mission. 

“There’s a phone in there too, hit any button—” She says instead.

“We kick through the door.”

Lucy nods, but she looks like she’s on the verge of throwing up. 

Gladly Jesse notices it too, “Listen, if you want to call this off, you say the word and we’re out of here.”

Just like that,  something snaps into place and confident Lucy is back. 

She gives them all a side smile, “Oh, honey. Y’all don’t have to worry about a thing.”

The southern accent takes Kate, and seemingly everyone else, by surprise. Kai stifles a laugh and Jesse covers his grin with his hand while pretending to be scratching his beard. 

“Hey Lucy,” Kai calls when Lucy starts walking away. “You forgot the money.”

“Oh. Oh. That’s right, I– hm, cash,” Kate pinches the bridge of her nose. “I usually pay with credit card.”

“How many times have you played poker in person?”

“Including tonight?” Dalia nods. “One.”

She turns her back and everyone’s protests and gasps come a second too late.

Fifteen minutes into the game, Kate sits back in the chair willing her shoulders to relax. Lucy survived the introductions and the first round. Though Kate's heart still spikes every time Santos’ voice comes through the speaker, Lucy seems to be holding her ground and Kate needs to give her a little more credit.

“Hey guys, what do we know?” Tennant makes herself known for the first time since the game started. 

“They closed the curtains on the game,” Jesse says, peeking through his binoculars just in case. “We counted at least 3 bodyguards that came with Santos.”

“Probably armed,” Kai adds.

“Santos likes to show off strength,” Dalia nods.

“I don't like anything about this. I mean, they made her get rid of her cellphone, we have no way of contacting her if this thing goes sideways.”

“ If it goes sideways, Jesse,” Tennant says, her tone leaving no space for arguments.

“Have a little faith, brother.”

“She’s doing good,” Kate says, it’s small and barely audible but Tennant hears her anyway.

“See Jesse. If Whistler can remain calm, so can you.”

Jesse rolls his eyes. Kate manages a faint smile. She is the furthest thing from calm, but if her years in the DIA taught her anything, it was how to keep your composure through highly stressful situations. Inside though, she is on the verge of anxious tears.

Tennant shifts the conversation to Ernie’s cloning device.

There’s not much for the team to do other than to watch the screen in front of them. 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

It’s Ernie’s ‘we’ve got a problem’ that snaps the team into action. Kate’s the first one to stand up and reach for her gun. 

“CHAD isn’t downloading the data from Santos’ phone.”

“You checked the device before it went out, right?” Kate asks, a hint of desperation in her voice.

“There’s no problem with CHAD,” Ernie sounds like Kate has personally offended his mother. “The problem is on Santos’ side. His bluetooth is turned off.”

Kate knew enough about tech to know they were fucked. With the bluetooth off there was no way for them to get any data from his phone. 

“We just sent her on a wild goose chase,” She mumbles, running her fingers through her hair. 

Jesse and Kai look just as hopeless.

“I could remotely send a Trojan that would activate the bluetooth.”

“That sounds good,” Tennant says.

“But Santos would have to call me directly and stay on the line long enough for me to hack in.”

“Less good.”

“All of that— There’s no way to let Lucy know,” Kate says, the looming headache approaching faster by the second. 

“Maybe there is.”

How Tennant does it, Kate doesn’t know, but she is even more in awe of the woman now. She makes a mental note to get the woman the fancy wine she likes. 

Not five minutes later, Lucy gets the message. Not only that, she’s resourceful enough to actually fool Santos to let her use his phone. Kate is so proud she could cry. 

What she isn’t expecting, though, is what comes next.

“Marla! Sweetheart! Fort Worth is as dry as the heart of a haystack, but uh, you know, otherwise I can’t complain.”

Ernie’s fake Texan accent might be the most horrendous thing Kate has ever heard and everybody has to mute their cons to let out a hearty laugh — except Dalia who is too busy swooning.

All in all, at least it works to bring the mood up.

For a while, everything seems to be going well. The Trojan works and all Lucy has to do is to keep Santos at the game for another 25 minutes. Which doesn’t seem to be a problem, given that the more Lucy wins, the more annoyed Santos gets. He is so set on beating her that half an hour goes by in a blink.

Kate is so enthralled by the game that a part of her forgets all about where they are and the life threatening situation Lucy is in. It’s only when Lucy vanishes from the table and doesn’t come back that reality hits Kate right in the chest. 

“Wait, what’s going on?” Kate asks. “Where did she go?”

“Something’s happening in there,” Ernie says through the coms.

“Jesse, you got eyes on her?” Tennant asks. 

“No, but there’s a lot of activity on the balcony. Santos’ men are moving fast.”

“We should go in, right? We should definitely go in,” Kate says, strapping her vest tighter to her chest. 

“I’m with Whistler.” Jesse says, hand firmly on the holster of  his gun.

“Go,” It’s a one syllable word, but they are out of the door before Tennant finishes saying it.

The sudden blow to her stomach comes as fast as it goes, so fast in fact that Kate wonders if she imagined it. 

“You ok?” Kai stops in front of the building, looking at her with concern.

“Yeah. Go. I’m good.”

Kate takes two more steps towards the entrance and a sharp pain on her back knocks the air from her lungs. Like the blow to her stomach, it fades fast.

Fear sets deep into her bones.

Though weirder things have happened, Lucy is in a dangerous situation with a hostile drug dealer and his three bodyguards. They lost all remaining communication with her and the second Kate steps foot into the building's perimeter, wyrds start to flare up in her body. 

It's too much of a coincidence.

A burning sensation on her left cheek, followed by the sensation of being punched is what snaps Kate into motion. She pushes the panic deep down inside of her. There will be time for that later, right now they need to find Lucy. 

Jesse turns back on his heels, looking for her. She sees the moment his face turns pale at the sight of her face.

“Kate,” It's the first time he refers to her by her first name. His voice is soft and concerned, but it's not her that should be his focus right now.

“Leave me. Find her,” It comes out as a breathless whisper just as another blow steals the air from her lungs. 

Jesse nods, though reluctantly, and runs up the stairs to meet with Kai and Dalia. 

Kate follows them at her own pace, willing her knees not to buckle with every blow she feels. Wyrds don’t normally bleed, they only scar, but Kate is pretty sure she can taste blood right now. It terrifies her, for more than a few reasons. But it's even worse when they simply stop.

It does give her the break she needs to catch up with Jesse, but as much as she hates to admit, wyrds are good. They mean Lucy is alive. No wyrds means no certainty about anything.

Jesse gets thrown into the wall like a weightless doll, Kate aims her gun at the bodyguard, but before she can pull the trigger, bodyguard #2 comes out of nowhere, knocking her down.

Kai and Dalia come back running from the poker room. They look like they're about to tell them the room was empty. Kate beats them to it. 

“Roof,” She can't explain how she knows it, maybe it's the soulmate thing, but she knows it.

Jesse manages to immobilize bodyguard #2, while Dalia does the same to bodyguard #1. 

“Go. We've got this,” Dalia says.

Kate doesn’t need to be told twice. She runs past the bodyguards, swerving a few punches as she goes, and scurries upstairs. She almost cries when she feels a wyrd on her left leg just as she makes it to the top floor. It’s small compared to all the others, but it’s something.

Her hand flies to the doorknob, but the door doesn’t bulk. There’s something blocking, she pushes and pushes, but all that leads her to is a bruised shoulder. 

“Lucy!” She shouts when she hears voices on the other side. She can’t understand what’s being said, but she’d recognize Lucy’s voice anywhere.  “Kai, Jesse, I need you here.”

“On it,” Jesse says through the coms.

He meets her by the door, throwing all his weight into it. Kai joins shortly after and together the three of them manage to move  the piece blocking the door. Or rather, pieces. Santos and bodyguard #3. Both dead. 

What the fuc—

She doesn't have time to properly assimilate the scene, much less to understand what Tennant is saying in her earpiece. All she can do is rip her vest off and stare at a red stain forming on her shirt while the sound of a gunshot ripples through her ears. 

“Luce!” The boys scream in unison, but Kate is glued into place.

The pain in her abdomen is unbearable. She's never heard of anyone dying because of a wyrd , but they probably get stronger the closer you are to your soulmate because Kate feels like she is two drops of blood from passing out. 

It's a faint ‘Jesse’ that snaps Kate out of it.

“Hey Luce,” Jesse says, holding her upright.

Kate takes another step onto the roof and Lucy’s eyes meet hers. In half a second Kate is by her side. Gone is the pain and uncertainty. 

“Hey. Hey. I got you,” She says, holding Lucy close. Jesse, seemingly realizing that he is in the middle of something , takes a step back and goes to assess the scene with Kai. 

She carries Lucy to the nearest lounge chair, her hands finding the bullet wound in her right side without thinking. 

Lucy hisses.

“I know. I know. I’m sorry,” Kate whispers, pressing harder trying to minimize the bleeding. Somewhere in the background she hears the boys calling 911. 

“Kate,” Lucy whispers. Though Kate shushes her, telling her to save her energy, she continues, “I’m– I’m sorry.”

Kate’s eyes snap to hers, “You… You have nothing to apologize for.”

She weakly points to Kate’s own stomach, then reaches for her cheek, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She passes out before her hand touches Kate's face.

Chapter Text

Kate has no idea how she ended up on a chair beside Lucy’s bed in this bleak and gray hospital room. Everything that has happened after Lucy passed out is a blur. 

The very few things that have ingrained in Kate's memory aren’t the most pleasant ones; Lucy’s blood seeping through her fingers as she applied pressure to the wound. The distant sound of ambulances and Tennant’s voice telling her to go. Lucy being taken to surgery. The adrenaline wearing off and the contents of her stomach ending up on the floor. Tennant forcing her to undergo a series of exams and check ups. Then this, here. Staring blankly at the opposite wall as she waits for Lucy to wake up.

Her body still hurts, her face swollen and purple. The injury in her abdomen, though closed by now, still feels too raw to touch. Kate still can’t fully grasp what happened, but Tennant reassured her that it was something that happened given the gravity and closeness. 

Lucy is blacked out beside her, high on morphine and anesthesia. Small mercies. If Kate feels like a truck ran over her twice, she can’t imagine what it must feel like for Lucy.

The surgery went well. The bullet got lodged in between two of her ribs, which luckily prevented it from damaging any major internal organ. The road to full recovery would be a long one, but Lucy was young and at the top of her health, so there was nothing to worry about. 

The case, on the other hand, was a complete mess. It was the judge and not Santos who was involved in the whole ordeal, not that Kate cares in the slightest right now. That was a problem for future Kate, right now she had more important things to worry about. 

Lucy is hurt. Lucy is her soulmate. The air feels weirdly scarce in this cold, cold room.

Thousands of questions flood her brain. Had Lucy found out they were soulmates at the same time as she did? Had she found out before? If so, when? Why didn’t she tell Kate? Why keep it all to herself?

Kate doesn’t know what to think. She feels confused and angry and betrayed. She wants to shake Lucy until she wakes up and say everything that has been stuck in her throat for the last 15 hours. She also wants to sit on the floor, curl up into the fetal position and cry.

Unfortunately, she can do neither because Jane Tennant decides to walk into the room with her big brown eyes full of sorrow and worse, pity.

“I’m not gonna ask if you are ok,” She says, pulling up a chair. “I am, however, going to ask if there’s anything I can do.”

Unable to actually form words, Kate simply shakes her head.

“Can I say something, then?” 

I’d rather you didn’t , Kate thinks, but doesn’t say it. Instead, she nods. They aren’t friends exactly, but are sure on their way to being and Kate has a feeling Tennant would find a way to say it anyway.

“Go home.”

“No.”

“Kate,” It’s the first time Tennant has used her first name. “Take it from someone who’s been where you are right now. Go home. Take a shower. Sleep. She’ll still be here when you come back.”

It’s very hard to believe that anyone has ever been in this situation before. Having your loved one hurt? Of course. Finding out that said loved one is your soulmate who possibly knew you were soulmates, but for some reason hid that information from you? Unlikely. 

Kate looks down at the FBI hoodie she’s wearing over her still bloody clothes and her equally bloody fingernails. No matter how much soap she used, or how hard she scrubbed her hands, the dry blood clung to her skin like a fucking hellish tattoo. She can’t imagine her face is faring much better.

She could use a shower and 30 minutes in a comfortable bed, but she doesn’t want to leave Lucy. Doesn’t want to go home to Cara and Julia waiting for her with question after question about what happened. Doesn’t want to go to the place that has, over the weeks, felt more like theirs instead of just hers – even if she tried to pretend it didn’t. 

“I’m fine,” The clench of her jaw may tell Tennant otherwise, but fortunately, the SAC doesn’t push.

They sit in silence for another half an hour. Tennant's presence is surprisingly comforting. 

When Lucy finally stirs, they are both up on their feet and rounding the bed in a split second.

“Hey, hey. Easy there,” Tennant says when Lucy tries to get up. Her face contorts into something close to pain and she falls back into the bed without much of a fight.

“How are you feeling?” Kate asks, her voice gentle despite everything that’s been threatening to spill from her tongue. 

Their eyes meet and Lucy… blushes? She chokes on thin air and abruptly turns her head to the side, breaking their eye contact. Her gaze doesn’t stay averted for long as she takes a sneaky glance out of the corner of her eye, observing Kate almost covertly. Then without warning, she honest to god giggles! Out of every reaction Kate was expecting this was definitely not one of them. All she can do is open and close her mouth a few times before uttering a low and confused “What?”

 Lucy looks at Tennant and whispers, well, tries to whisper, “Am I dead? Is that an angel? So pretty…”

Tennant, who looks extremely amused, decides not to be helpful, “You are very much alive and I am married, not an angel, but I appreciate that.”

Lucy, too high to understand the teasing undertones, looks extremely confused for a second, “What? I didn’t mean you. You are pretty but you are mom! Angel is pretty and not mom.”

Even Kate is powerless against that comment. Tennant’s incredulous expression only makes it hard for Kate to hide her laughter with a fake cough. 

“I set myself up for that,” Tennant says, apparently resigning herself to her fate. “Glad to hear you are well enough to be gay, but I take it that's my cue. Goodbye.”

“Mom!” Lucy whines. Kate can't see it from where she is standing, but she can feel Tennant's eye roll anyway.

Lucy will never live this one down. 

Kate's eyes meet Lucy's again. This time she doesn’t blush, she matches Kate's gaze with the same intensity. 

That's my soulmate. 

The thought hits her with such force that she's the one choking on air right now. 

Tell me when did you know. Tell me when did you know. Tell me when did you know.  

“Am I really not dead?” She asks and something inside of Kate's chest clenches.

“No, you are not.”

“Ok. Cool,” Then, without another word, she turns to her side and falls into a deep slumber again. 

⤫⤫⤫⤫⤫

Eventually Kate does go home.

Knowing Lucy had woken up and was fine – high, but fine nonetheless, made Kate's breath come a bit easier. So, she leaves Lucy with the boys and goes home for a quick shower and a much needed change of clothes. 

Fortunately, Cara and Jules were already back at their hotel room. Kate sent a quick text just to update them about the whole situation and for once they weren’t extra about it. They simply told Kate to yell if she needs something and to take care.

She appreciates it, appreciates even more the alone time.

Though the apartment seems awfully quiet without Lucy's loud existence in the background, silence and Kate are old best friends, so it doesn't take too long for the dreariness to vanish. 

Her shower is quick and she doesn't put much thought into her outfit, throwing on the first thing she sets her eyes on: Lucy's oversized Dallas's Cowboys t-shirt that still smells like her and some worn-out jeans. 

She moves to the balcony, sitting on the same chair she sat yesterday morning with Lucy beside her, blabbering about quietness and love. Yesterday morning when things were normal, Lucy was not shot and Kate was fretting over the possibility of them not being soulmates.

It's laughable how monumentally different things feel now. 

“I know what you'd say and you know I'd hate you for it,” Kate says, staring at the ocean. It's been a while since she's done this. “But it matters. I can't put into words why, but it does. It was not her call to make. I deserved to know, even if it was just a suspicion, I deserved to know.

It took me so long to get comfortable with the idea of having a soulmate, then twice as long to come to terms with developing feelings for someone that may not be my soulmate. For a second, I had finally found my footing.”

Her voice cracks at the last word. She has never felt so out of her depth before. It's something so simple, yet climbing Everest sounds more appealing than dealing with her own feelings right now.

“You were always the hopeless romantic of the two of us. How have you never questioned it? How was it so easy for you to meet Clara with open arms? Living with mom and dad… you've got to have questioned it,” Kate lets her head fall against the back of the chair as tears start to sting her eyes. “I don't know how to feel, Noah.”

Do you love her? This you've gotta know.

The voice in the back of her head sounds so clear, so real that for a second Kate thinks he might actually be here.

The upturn of Kate's lips is involuntary and the answer comes out easier than she was expecting, “I do.” 

She hadn't allowed herself to entertain the thought before, let alone voice it. There was already too much going on, adding the second most famous L word to the mix seemed like asking for trouble. But it was there, in the back of her mind every time Lucy did something adorable, or funny, or romantic, or dumb, or simply just breathed.

She loves Lucy. Has loved her long before last night, long before the newest batch of wyrds showed up on her skin. 

So tell me, Katie. Does it really matter?

The response comes in the form of a paper cut slowly forming on her left thumb. 

It takes another 24 hours for Lucy to get released from the hospital, plus 3 additional hours for them to finally be alone. 

Lucy was splayed out on Kate’s sofa, or as splayed out as one could with two pillows supporting them in a half sitting position. Kate is sitting across from her on a kitchen chair. The silence is heavy and uncomfortable, but Kate can’t make herself break it. Every word she’s been desperate to say vanished her mind the second they stepped through the threshold. 

Initially, the plan was to take Lucy back to her own home. Given how long she’d spent in a hospital, everyone assumed she’d be craving her own bed. But, since she required constant supervision (much to Lucy’s annoyance), Kate would take turns with Tennant and the boys to keep an eye on her for the first couple of weeks. Mid-drive to her apartment, though, Lucy made Kate take a wrong turn left, leading them to Kate’s condo instead. 

Being in her own place for the inevitable conversation coming was comforting. She was safe here. However another part of her couldn’t help but counter argue that by being there, she has no place to run to if things go sideways. 

“Ask me,” Lucy says, her voice so low Kate isn't sure she heard it right. “You've been looking at me like that since I woke up. So, go ahead. Ask me what you want to ask me.”

It's quite hilarious to think that confronting unpleasant situations was pretty much her job description at the DIA, but when it comes to confronting personal unpleasant situations, Kate would rather be found dead.

Still, somehow, she finds her voice, “How long have you known?”

Lucy's sad smile is an answer of its own, “Since the third day.” 

That is all the information she gives. Since the third day. The third day. Lucy has known for pretty much their entire relationship and never cared to mention it.

Anger flares up her skin. 

Her made up conversation with her brother's ghost may have helped her see things clearer, but even though it may not matter in the long run, even though her feelings for Lucy are unchanging, the fact she was kept in the dark and found out about it in the worst possible way hurt . 

Lucy had months to process. She had months to accept it, to make peace with it, to fully grasp the fact that they were soulmates . All while Kate freaked out and over thought every possible scenario and outcome. She thought she was going crazy! Not only that, but when the truth finally comes out, she not only has to deal with the soulmate factor, but also worry herself sick about a severely injured Lucy. 

“Why– Why didn't you tell me? How could you let me find out like this?” Despite the anger, her voice is barely above a whisper. It's shaky and hurt and it breaks with each syllable.

Lucy's eyes snap to Kate's, pain and regret stamped all over them.

“I never– I didn't mean–,” She takes a deep breath, then starts again. “I grew up in a very strict home. My parents had my entire life mapped out from the moment the two lines appeared on the pregnancy test. I would learn how to read and write by the age of four — English, Arabic and Tagalog. At six I would join the ballet and at seven start piano lessons. Eight and nine were dedicated to arts and crafts, and at ten I would start fencing practice. Eleven onward, the focus was on volunteering and/or other extracurricular activities that would make my College applications look good. Because of course I had to go to College and graduate either in finance or business, how else would I fulfill my duty as the next CFO of Tara’s Standard Oil Company.

My entire childhood and adolescence was mapped out by what someone else said was best for me, by someone else’s choice. When I turned eighteen and had my first wyrd , I decided that I’d had enough. The idea that even who I fell in love with was dictated by some great external power made me feel sick. So, I rebelled. Quit finance and shifted my major to criminology instead, moved out of Texas, joined law enforcement and actively taught myself how to ignore wyrds . If I don’t acknowledge it, it can’t have power over me. Easy. Simple.”

Lucy's relationship with her parents was complicated, Kate knew that. She knew Lucy hadn't spoken to them in over five years, but she didn't know the details.

It's heartbreaking, really. As aloof as her parents were, Kate still had the freedom to do what she pleased. They never complained when she chose field hockey over cheerleading, or when she quit piano simply because her teacher used to smell funny. Apparently there really is an upside to everything.

The anger growing in her chest, dissolves. The overpowering need to say something, anything that may offer the woman in front of her some comfort comes to take its place. 

Lucy, however, doesn't seem to be done with her speech. She continues.

“Then I met you and I liked you immediately. You were beautiful and smart and charming and funny and the first person I actually felt something for. I had the greatest time those three days with you,” Kate hopes the smile that forms on her lips isn't too dopey. “On that last day though, I felt something in my elbow, a shock of sorts, at first I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, but when you came out of the bathroom as white as a ghost and said you had hit your elbow, I froze.” 

She remembers it, Lucy stopping mid bite, her skin going pale… She can't remember what she made of it at the time though. For someone so observant, Kate really wants to kick her own ass right now for waving that off so easily.

“I didn't know what to think, really. I– I guess I didn't want to think. The thought that I might have been attracted to you just because you are my soulmate… That was too much to bear at the time, so I ignored it. Well, I tried to. It worked until you were ready to leave. Then I just had to make sure, you know. When I kissed you and bit your lip…” She trails off, punctuating her sentence with a shrug. 

“The thumb?”

“At first it was goodbye,” Kate nods. “But then, I wasn’t able to ignore wyrds anymore. Every minor burst of pain I felt made me think of you, made me wonder if you were ok, if there were people taking care of you. And let me tell ya, you complain about my accident prone ass, but for a while there I thought you were either a spy, a ninja, or a criminal. There was some heavy shit happening — I do realize it was Quantico now, but damn, it almost made me catch a plane to DC several times just to make sure you were alive.”

The laugh that escapes Kate's lips is accidental. 

“Then I had the whole Eddie situation, AKA the liquid food for a week situation and I don't know. I think anyone would get worried, so I didn't think about it, I just did it.” 

“And I did it back,” Lucy smiles. 

It feels nice to have the other side of the picture, but that still doesn’t explain why she didn't tell Kate about it.

She's about to point that out when Lucy lifts a hand, “I know. I'll get there.” 

Lucy pats the tiny space beside her on the couch. Kate probably shouldn't, but Lucy's eyes are so earnest and pleading that when she realizes, she has already crossed the living room. 

Kate positions herself slowly, mindful not to jostle Lucy. When she's set, Lucy's head falls to her shoulder. 

“When you showed up out of no-fucking-where — like, for real, what are the odds, I didn’t know how to react. I was so happy to see you, but I didn't trust my own feelings. How was I supposed to know if that was actually me or just a fabrication from fate?

I went to that bar with every intention of letting you down gently, but goddamn Kate Whistler,” Lucy chuckles to herself, shaking her head lightly. “You are very hard to resist, you know that? You always look fantastic, but it's really not fair when you're in a suit. Anyhow, one thing led to another and well, you were there, you know what happened. 

It was so hard, in the beginning, living with the weight of so many questions. Were you with me because you wanted to? Was I with you because I wanted to? Did we actually have a say in that, or were we together because that's what we are supposed to be doing?”

As someone who’s had her own doubts and skepticism towards the idea of soulmates, Kate is starting to realize that knowing what Lucy knew from the very beginning, may not have been the walk in the park Kate pictured it to be. 

Lucy had her own struggles and as she listens to it, Kate can’t help but wonder, if the roles were reversed, would she have done something differently? 

“What changed?” Because something must have changed, or else Lucy wouldn't be here with her right now. 

“Time, I guess. Soulmates are messy and complicated and I see people using it as an excuse to not make an effort. Like being linked with someone automatically solves everything and you don’t have to put in the work to build the relationship. People leave it to fate and when it crumbles, everyone is to blame but themselves. I’ve seen it happening too many times.

It wasn't until I came to Hawai'i that I saw the other side of it. The good side of it. I saw Jesse and Heather, Jane and Tommy, Ernie and Carla, they showed me that it was possible to have a genuine relationship with your soulmate. One of mutual love and respect and not just fate. It took me a looooong time to come to terms with that, but with your help, I did. 

It stopped mattering how much was fate and how much was us. As long as I got to be with you, it didn’t matter. Of course, the fact that you seemed totally clueless about our soulmate situation and still wanted to be with me helped quite a lot.”

Kate huffs, “I wasn’t clueless.”

She was. Everybody knows she was. 

“Let me guess, you made a spreadsheet.”

“Two.”

Lucy laughs, then winces as pain probably shoots from her injury. Kate pulls her closer, wrapping around an arm around her shoulders, as if that would keep her safe. 

“I should’ve told you. I know that. At first I didn’t know how to, then the more I postponed, the harder it got. In the end, I wanted it to be your choice and I was afraid that if I told you, you’d feel forced to stick around. I wanted you to choose me , not fate. Me. But I should’ve told you. It wasn't fair keeping that from you and I am really sorry.”

“Thank you,” Kate says, her voice solemn. “And I do. I do choose you.”

The smile that forms on Lucy’s lips may be the brightest thing Kate has ever seen.

“I know. I choose you too.”

Kate is not sure what the future has in store for them, but when Lucy looks up at her, bright eyed and with a smile that could bring the world peace, she doesn’t care. All she cares about is the gentle press of Lucy's lips on hers and the lightness in her chest. All she cares about is right here, right now.