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Ciel turned sixteen yesterday.
Sixteen is a peculiar age. An awkward limbo between adolescence and adulthood. It was a stage of life where his parents seemed determined to thrust him into the responsibilities and expectations of grown-up existence.
That’s the age where parents compete to present their children as the most competent. For nobles like Ciel, they’d debut you into the upper-class social life. Ciel’s parents however, had a different concern in mind.
Ciel’s frustration transforms into an exasperated chuckle as he shares the tumultuous events that had unfolded on his first day as an almost-adult. “You won't believe what happened!” Ciel begins, a wry grin playing on his lips. "Father came to me again today, all serious and stern, with this proposal for an arranged marriage!”
He continues with a sigh, munching the slice of apple he had in hand. “I keep telling him it’s stupid! I thought we came to an agreement after I canceled it off with Fiore, really.”
The day Ciel and his father argue about his future partner is normal. Ciel is never interested in this kind of thing and it catches his father in a knot. The future is getting so much closer and he worries even more about the only male child of the Demidov family. It isn't helping that he so loves to brag about his childhood promise with Adam to be together forever, or whatever.
On the other hand, Adam is unusually quiet today. Sitting comfortably on the same bed as Ciel, reading some book Ciel hardly cares about. Laws (statute, constitution, regulations). Difficult stuff for difficult people. Despite actually wishing for any response from Adam, Ciel pays the quietude no mind at all.
But then Adam speaks what feels like his first speech of the day. “You rejected his offer?”
“Of course.”
“Why?”
Adam’s question briefly halts Ciel to second guess. What does he mean, why? If anything, Adam should be the one to know the reason the best. They have talked about this countless times since their childhood! A smile quirks up, despite his confusion. “Why are you asking after all these times? Of course, because I’d rather be with you—”
“You can’t always have what you want.” Adam cuts Ciel short, and Ciel frowns.
Ciel gets into momentary disbelief. That isn't how Adam would usually react. Did Adam mishear what he told him? “I said I’d rather be together with you!”
“And I’m saying you’re being spoiled.”
Huh?
What the fuck does that mean … ? Ciel’s blood easily boils. His expression shifts from vulnerability to frustration.
No, Ciel is spoiled, silver spoon between his teeth, attention is on him whether unwanted or not. Mostly unwanted. None of it is his fault though. Children can’t choose their parents, remember?
He’s spoiled rotten and he throws tantrums, and Adam is usually there to anchor him back down to Earth. But never over this matter. Adam would usually just keep silent when Ciel talks about their forever. Part of Ciel thought Adam wanted the same thing as him. So why, when it’s about this — something Adam knows Ciel genuinely wants and desires, he argues up?
“There are responsibilities and expectations we nobles can't ignore.” Adam’s voice is tinged with something Ciel couldn't recognize. But he never once faced Ciel, his eyes were on the book he was reading. Ciel doesn’t know what face Adam is making right now. “You need to grow up and stop being so damn attached to me.”
Attached? Ciel clenches his fists, so tight that it hurts. Emotions swirled like a tempest. This is the first time Adam had ever pushed Ciel away. In the moment of arising heat, he shoves Adam’s book away from his lap and pushes him. Water wells up in his eyes.
“Ciel!”
Before Ciel even realizes what he’s doing, he was already throwing fists at Adam. Driven purely by the red of … his first ever heartbreak. He can’t even see properly from the tears. “We promised! We promised each other to stay!!” How dare he mock him?! Who does he think he is to push him away—!?
“Stop being childish!” Adam pries through the shower of punches and forcefully shoves Ciel down onto the bed and pins him still by the arms. Ciel violently thrashes, yelling angry words that Adam had stopped trying to make sense of. And— “CIEL!” Ciel flinches.
Adam’s face crumples so painfully above him, and Ciel’s breath gets lodged at the top of his throat. The red in his eyes fading away. This is the first time Ciel had ever seen Adam this upset.
“Can you even kiss me?”
Ciel’s pupils shake and he immediately goes speechless. He gulps and displays a show of what Adam presumes is uncertainty. A small frown forms. Ciel is about to speak before Adam hangs his head, and tosses his gaze somewhere else.
There was a heavy lingering regret in his expression. “Forget it.” Adam lets go of his rough hold on Ciel and sits back up. “You don’t even know what it means to be together.”
No, Ciel knows.
Ciel gets up and tugs a small bit of Adam’s sleeve. Adam turns his head the slightest, barely, almost as though he knows what was to happen but refuses to acknowledge it.
Carefully, awkwardly, and yet determinedly does Ciel lean in. One hand on Adam’s shoulder and the other propping his body up. Faces too close. Heart beating so precariously loud and painful in his chest.
Very slowly, Adam also leans in into the kiss, and their lips meet together.
What were they fighting over, again?
For a second, Ciel thinks he can almost hear the sound of Adam’s heart beating. The next moment is both of them, completely inexperienced, relying purely on their instincts. Ciel personally, isn’t really sure of what he’s doing. This is the first time they’re physically this close.
Ciel kisses Adam and burns a little redder everytime Adam kisses him back, much more insistently. Adam has a hand sliding fingers on the skin under Ciel’s short sleeve and Ciel quietly whimpers. Ciel tries to break the kiss but Adam holds him still by the arm and kisses him again.
Solace blooms where they mesh together. Kissing feels good.
It’s awkward, messy. Lips. Teeth. Mouth. All over each other. Tastes a little salty too, must be from Ciel’s tears earlier. Ciel thinks he should look so ridiculous right now, with how hot his face feels right now.
And when they finally separate, Ciel's breath catches. Only noticing then that he had been holding it in. Adam isn't looking any less disheveled either, with his spit-slick lips pressing into a thin line.
There was this deafening silence between them before Adam hovers up an arm to cover his own face. Ciel lets him.
“I-I can kiss you.” Ciel stutters, suddenly remembering their argument from earlier.
Adam covers his face still and turns his head away, ears reddening. Ciel’s hot-headedness might be the death of him someday. “Is that so.” This time (and might be the one only time), Adam lost an argument with Ciel.
The awkwardness lingers. One learnt something new about his feelings, and the other realized the depths of his own. Regardless, that kiss shifted something between them.
Something irreversible, maybe.