Archive of Our Own

The museum was quiet that Wednesday morning.

Jake and Josh had gotten up early on their day off in Chicago. They had set out on just wandering through the city for a while, meandering in and out of shops, grabbing breakfast and coffee along the way. Simply enjoying their free time in a new city.

They had been walking for a few hours when the lightly overcast sky had turned dark and angry. When the clouds broke, the sudden and unrelenting downpour that was released forced them to seek shelter somewhere warm and dry. A museum had been their best option for a few blocks and the twins had always been able to appreciate all kinds of art.

Jake had grabbed a pamphlet on the current exposition as Josh paid for their tickets.

“J.C. Leyendecker.” he read while Josh shrugged off his soaked jacked and ruffled a hand through his rain flattened curls.

“Ever heard of him?” he continued, handing Josh the booklet as he peeled off his own coat and made an attempt at drying his hair with the flimsy scarf he’d been wearing. It didn’t do much but at the very least it stopped the long strands from dripping too much water onto his shirt.

Josh looked at the pamphlet as he waited for Jake to finish putting his jacket onto a hanger and shrugged.

“It looks vaguely familiar, I think he made ads and anti war propaganda in the early twentieth century? But honestly what artist from that time didn’t dabble in that kind of content.”

Jake smiled as they started walking into the gallery.

“Makes a living I guess.” he said, opening the booklet and finding the directions to a guided tour through the artworks.

He showed the map to Josh. “Ready to waste a few educational hours here?”

Josh glanced at the map, still absentmindedly fussing with his hair.

“Sure, “ he replied, “beats getting even more soaked I suppose.”

Jake let out a small laugh. “Always the optimist.”

Josh stuck out his tongue at his brother and Jake playfully bumped his shoulder as they walked past the first few sketches showcasing rough drafts of magazine covers.

“These are actually really pretty.” Josh said, eyeing a pencil sketch of a man straightening his tie in a mirror.

Jake flipped through the next page of the pamphlet. It held a little blurb about the artist which he read aloud as they slowly walked from painting to painting.

“Joseph Christian Leyendecker was one of the most prominent and financially successful freelance commercial artists in the U.S. He was active between 1895 and 1951 producing drawings and paintings for hundreds of posters, books, advertisements, and magazine covers and stories. He is best known for his 80 covers for Collier's Weekly, 322 covers for The Saturday Evening Post, and advertising illustrations for B. Kuppenheimer men's clothing and Arrow brand shirts and detachable collars. He was one of the few known gay artists working in the early-twentieth century U.S.”

Josh, who had only half been listening to his brother, more interested in the visuals in front of him, stopped in his tracks when he heard Jake speak the last sentence.

A small smile crept onto his face and a warm feeling started to bloom in his chest. It generally wasn’t too hard for Josh to connect to other artists, knowing the creative process and struggles all too well. But something inside him always soared when he could connect to them on a personal level like this. Finding another queer artist always made him happy, especially when they had lived and worked and loved freely during a time where that wasn’t generally accepted.

Jake looked up from the booklet when Josh had stayed quiet. He recognised the look on his twin’s face well.

When Josh had just come out to him in their early teens Jake had made it a point to listen to as many queer artists as he could find and show them all to Josh as an awkward, pre-pubescent way of showing his support to his brother.

Josh had always appreciated that.

So the fact that they had now unknowingly stumbled into an exposition on another queer artist meant a lot to the both of them.

Jake lightly bumped Josh’s shoulder with his own, shooting him a small smile in acknowledgement. Josh bumped back and mirrored Jake’s smile. It was a nice moment where words were completely unnecessary.

After a while they walked on to the next painting and Jake continued to read from the pamphlet.

“Leyendecker ,also known as 'J. C.' or 'Joe', was born on March 23, 1874, in Montabaur, Germany, to Peter Leyendecker and Elizabeth Ortseifen Leyendecker. His brother and fellow illustrator Francis Xavier, aka "Frank", was born two years later. In 1882, the entire Leyendecker family immigrated to Chicago, Illinois. A sister, Augusta Mary, was born after the family immigrated to America.”

Josh lazily walked past the paintings, staying within earshot of Jake and appreciating the art in an entirely new light.

He’d liked the imagines when they’d first walked in, simply enjoying the artistry and skill that obviously went into the creation of the paintings.
But now he was able to see beyond that.

He noticed how most paintings just depicted men, and in the few where women were also shown it seemed like the men looked at them at first glance, but when you carefully followed their eye lines you’d notice that they were almost always looking at other men.

He lightly chuckled at the subtle realization.

A few feet behind him Jake continued to read, having stopped momentarily to look at a few paintings himself.

“After studying drawing and anatomy under John Vanderpoel at the Chicago Art Institute, J. C. and Frank enrolled in the Académie Julian in Paris from October 1895 through June 1897. Upon their return to Chicago, the Leyendecker brothers took an apartment in Hyde Park. They also shared a studio in Chicago's Fine Arts Building at 410 South Michigan Ave.”

Josh looked back at Jake with a fond smile.

Jake walked up to him and slung an arm around his shoulder as they both looked at a picture of a young boy being happily fitted for his first suit.

“Brothers in art, working together.” Jake smiled, lifting his hand from Josh’s shoulder to ruffle his still damp curls.

Josh laughed as he pushed Jake’s hand away.

“Let’s just continue the tour dumbass.” Josh said with a smile.

They stopped in their tracks as they entered the next room.

The exact same face was staring at them from every painting. Sometimes he would be blond, sometimes dark haired, but the features were always identical; soft slightly round cheeks, a button nose, a slight widow’s peak, dimpled chin, and soft sleepy eyes.

The man was always neatly dressed in a suit or morning coat, placed in different situations; reading a newspaper, walking outside, smoking a cigarette. But it was always definitely him.

The twins shot each other a quizzical look and Jake continued reading from the pamphlet.

“This room is dedicated to Leyendecker’s muse and long time partner Charles Allwood Beach. Beach was Leyendecker's studio manager and frequent model, often posing for the Arrow dress shirts and collars ads. Beach quickly became the official face of the brand, effectively making their secret romance a front page feature across the U.S.”

Josh scanned the room once more. There must have been at least a hundred pictures covering the walls.
Showing this same man, depicted over many years, in many ways. And each of those pictures had been created by another man who obviously loved him very much.
A small lump started forming in his throat, and he had to blink a few times to keep his vision from going blurry with tears. He didn’t wanna cry right now, he wanted to look at every painting and be able to appreciate all their details.

Jake silently followed him around the room, looking at the pictures and leafing through the booklet for any more interesting information.

As they stopped in front of a painting of a man and a woman standing on a staircase while looking off to an unseen scene to the right, Jake continued reading out loud.

“In 1915 Leyendecker and his two siblings moved into a newly built studio and home in New Rochelle. A few years later in 1918 Beach joined them and took up residence at the house full time. The 1920s were in many ways the apex of Leyendecker's career, with some of his most recognisable work being completed during this time. This popularity extended beyond the commercial, and into Leyendecker's personal life, where he and Charles Beach hosted large galas attended by people of consequence from all sectors. The parties they hosted at their New Rochelle home and studio were important social and celebrity making events.”

Josh smiled wide, eyes never leaving the painting in front of him.

“I love that for them.” he muttered, voice coming out a bit crackly due to the lump still firmly wedged in his throat.

Jake looked at his brother, a soft smile played on his lips. He knew what the crackly voice meant. Josh was imagining the love these people had shared. He could visualize the house, the living together, the parties, the extravagance.

And Jake knew Josh was comparing it to what he and his boyfriend had right now. The quiet nights between tours, the holidays they shared, the love that had lasted them eight years and felt like a well that never ran dry.

Jake loved how happy Felix made his brother. Josh deserved all the love in the world and Felix seemed hellbound on providing that.

Josh was absolutely lost in thought. He was still looking at the painting in front of him but his eyes were miles away.

Jake didn’t want to interrupt, but he suddenly realized he really needed the bathroom.

He lightly placed his hand on Josh’s shoulder knowing that would make him pay attention to what Jake was saying but not fully snap him out of his daydream.

Josh turned his head ever so slightly towards Jake as he spoke. “You stay here for a bit, I'm gonna go find a toilet.”

Josh nodded lightly and grabbed the pamphlet as Jake pressed it into his hand, not wanting to take it with him as he went for a piss.

Finding the bathroom was a bit of a quest. The gallery didn’t seem to use directional signs and seeing as Jake had left the pamphlet with Josh he was unable to check the map for any clues.
It took him about five minutes of wandering in and out of art-filled rooms before he finally spotted a door with a sign that read “toilets”. Jake let out a relieved sigh as he slammed open the door and tumbled into the first stall he saw. He hadn’t fully realized how badly he needed to go until he was struggling to open his belt.

He washed his hands after he was done emptying his bladder and excited the bathroom feeling much more relaxed.

A feeling that quickly faded when he realized he had no idea which direction he had come from.
In his rush to find a bathroom on time he had completely neglected to pay attention to the turns he had made and which rooms he had entered. Lightly cursing at himself he started to try and find his way back through the maze of a museum.

It took him another seven minutes to find the Muse’s room again where he had left Josh, having gotten a little distracted by the art he encountered on the way.

Josh had moved to the other side of the room, his back now towards Jake. he was looking at a big sketch of two men standing next to each other, their backs turned towards the viewer, the man on the left casually resting his hand on the shoulder of the man to his right. The edges of the picture were lined with detailed sketches of one of the men’s head’s, the hand on the shoulder, and the other man’s hands gripping his gloves behind his back. It was a nice simple picture and Jake didn’t think too much of it.

Until he looked down at Josh.

Josh was standing, tightly hugging his own chest, the booklet still grasped in his left hand but now opened to a page Jake hadn’t read yet.
His shoulders were shaking softly and with a start Jake realized he was crying.
Worry washed over him as he slowly made his way over to his twin.

What could possibly have happened in the last… shit, fifteen minutes, had he really been away that long? But that still didn’t explain why Josh was crying. They both had their phones on them, if he’d been worried he simply would have called. And Josh had never been that codependent.

“Josh?” Jake spoke softly as he stopped next to him.

“What happened? Are you alright?” He tried to keep too much of the worry out of his voice but he was unsuccessful. Jake hated seeing Josh cry.

Josh let out a shaky sob as he turned to face Jake. his eyes were rimmed red and his cheeks were streaked with tears. For a moment Jake had thought the art had simply made Josh emotional but this was obviously more than that.

“It’s never gonna change is it?” Josh spoke, voice sounding small and hurt and so unlike how he usually sounded.

“What is?” Jake asked, slightly confused.

“Everything! The people, the hiding, the judgment, the shame. The inability to just live life and love without explanation!” Josh said, his voice steadily growing louder and sounding almost desperate.

He wiped at his face and sat down on a nearby gallery bench with a deep sigh, he stared at the ground for a moment as he handed Jake the pamphlet.
Hoping he’d find some answers there Jake quickly skimmed the page Josh had turned to in his absence.

Apparently Leyendecker’s success had only lasted about ten years. The rise of better film and photography equipment eliminating the need for photorealistic art, especially for advertisements.
The money stopped coming in. The parties became less and less frequent until they stopped entirely. The house he and Charles had built became a chore instead of a pleasure, and after J.C.’s brother Frank died in the early twenties the couple became more and more isolated as the brewing start of the second world war had relit the fires of persecution of prominent queer people.

When Leyendecker died on the 25th of July, 1951 he was pretty much completely isolated from the outside world. The remains of his estate were split evenly between his sister Augusta Mary, and his partner Charles Beach.

Upon his death Leyendecker had instructed Beach to burn many of his letters and paintings.
Beach had been unable to fully destroy these last vestiges of his love, instead selling them so he could continue to afford the upkeep on the house they had shared for thirty five years.

Charles died of a heart attack three years later.

Jake’s heart felt heavy with this new information.

He sat down next to his brother, wrapping an arm around his still shaking shoulders.
Josh spoke through ragged sobs.

“ What if you die first? And Sammy and Danny? What if Felix dies before me and I’m left all alone. Or what if I die before Felix and he has to burn whatever he has left of me because keeping it could mean he’d be putting himself in danger. It’s been almost a hundred years and I feel like barely anything has changed. We keep getting these glimmers of freedom only for them to be snatched away again at a moment's notice.” Josh sobbed into Jake’s shoulder and Jake’s heart shattered at these previously unspoken worries that had obviously been haunting Josh’s brain for a while.

“We’ve been together for eight years.” Josh continued.
“Eight full years. He’s the love of my life and I’m scared to hold his hand in public because that small sign of affection could sign our death sentence. I’m scared to touch him when we go to a restaurant, I’m scared to dance with him when we go out. I’m just so scared, all the fucking time and sometimes I feel like I just wanna stay at home with him and never go outside again cause at least when we’re together in our own space I feel safe.”

Jake hugged him tighter, putting down the pamphlet on the bench beside him and adding his other arm to the hug as well.

Josh was sobbing violently, heaving breaths wracking his body and despite being the same size, at this moment he looked incredibly small to Jake.

It took a good few minutes before Jake felt like he had the growing lump in his own throat under control enough to speak.
“I can’t predict the future Josh.” he started.
“No one can. And I don’t know who will die first, but I can definitely bet on my liver giving out before yours.” he paused as Josh let out a tiny huff, not quite the laughter Jake had hoped for but it was a start.

“No one is gonna burn anything, I’ll make sure of that. If anyone so much as takes out a match near any of your stuff my ancient ass is gonna take them out faster than they can say ‘grandpa put the sword down’” Josh chuckled slightly at that and Jake’s heart slowly started piecing itself back together.

“I can never fully grasp what you’re going through. And I hate seeing you suffer like this. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to help change how scared you are and I hate that too. But I do know one thing.”

Josh looked up a little at his brother’s face, eyes even puffier than before, skin blotchy with tears.

“What’s that?” he muttered, wiping his sleeve across his cheeks.

“Felix loves you more than life itself.” Jake said with a smile.
“That man looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky.”

Josh gave him a watery smile at that.

“And I also know,” Jake continued, “That you love him more than anything too. Whenever you see him your face lights up like the fucking sun.”

Josh looked down at his hands for a moment, a smile playing on his face as he thought about the man whom he had spent the last eight years of his life with.

“Honestly we all thought you guys would stop being so disgustingly in love after a few years and just settle into tolerating each other like the rest of us mere mortals. But I don’t think you two will ever stop acting like lovey dovey teenagers who just confessed their first crush.” Jake laughed and Josh let out a small chuckle.

“I’m sorry our love is so unbearably cute Jake, we’ll try and tone it down a bit.” Josh muttered, still smiling as he absentmindedly picked at his nails.

Jake grabbed his shoulders, gently but firm enough to make Josh look at him.

“Don’t you fucking dare. Seeing you two like that makes me believe all is right in the world. I never really believed in true love man, but when I look at you guys… you radiate so much joy and positivity and care, I can’t help but feel loved just by proximity.”

Josh beamed at him through his tears.

“I love you Jakey. We both do.” he said as he sniffled and wiped at his nose with his sleeve.

Jake pulled him into another hug. “I love you too Josh.” he replied. “And I’m so incredibly happy you two found each other. No matter what happens, I’ll always make sure you’ll be safe.”

Josh let out a shaky breath and held his brother tighter. The future was just as unsure as it had ever been, but he knew it would be okay as long as he had his family.

After a few minutes of just sitting together in silent embrace Josh took a deep sigh and slowly let go of Jake.

“Do you wanna continue the tour?” he asked as he rubbed his hands across his still damp cheeks.

“Only if you want to.” Jake replied. “We can also check if the rain has stopped and go grab a coffee somewhere.”

Josh nodded at that. As much as he appreciated the art, it just reminded him of the struggles of the past. He needed to return to the present for a bit.

They silently made their way back to the lobby of the gallery.

Jake went to grab their jackets as Josh went to find a bathroom. He really did need to pee but he also appreciated the quiet opportunity to splash some cold water on his face before heading out onto the streets again.

He glanced at himself in the mirror above the sink. His hair was all frizzed up from the rain, his eyes were red and bloodshot, and his skin was blotchy and tear streaked.

He looked like a wreck.

As he splashed more water onto his face he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, signaling a text.
Probably Jake asking what took him so long.

He quickly grabbed a towel and dried off his face and hands before walking out of the bathroom, ignoring his phone.

He found Jake idling around the tiny museum gift shop, holding both their jackets in one arm and lazily spinning a rack of postcards.

“Has the rain stopped yet?” Josh asked as he walked up to his brother and took his own jacket out of his arms. The fabric was still a little damn but thankfully the sudden downpour hadn’t soaked it too bad.

Jake grimaced as he slipped his arms into his own jacket, the denim not having been quite as waterproof as Josh’s bomber jacket.

“I think so.” Jake replied, "looks a lot better anyways.”

It still drizzled slightly as they walked outside but it wasn’t too bad.
Jake was absentmindedly fiddling with his phone as they walked but he seemed to know where they were going so Josh simply followed him, mind racing too much to fully care where they’d end up.

After about a ten minute walk Jake suddenly stopped and Josh almost crashed into his back, not expecting the sudden cease of motion.

“What the- why did you stop Jake?” he asked, looking at him with a confused frown.

“We’re here!” Jake beamed, gesturing at the building in front of them.

Josh looked at the building, having been too lost in thought to notice it before.

It looked like a cute little cafe, two big windows sat on either side of the front door and wherever there was even an inch of exposed brick large trellises of climbing ivy had found their home.

There was a sun and a moon painted on the left and right windows respectively and underneath in golden lettering Josh read; “Sun and Moon cafe, purveyors of good coffee and safe spaces since 1876”

Above the front door a giant pride flag lazily waved in the slight breeze.

Jake was still doing what he always did when trying to cheer Josh up; research and connection.

As much as Jake was a walking thesaurus he often preferred to show his affection and support through actions.

Josh felt the lump in his throat returning in full force. He swallowed hard and shot his brother a warm smile before walking into the cafe.

The interior was cozy. Warm brown wood panels covered the walls and there were plants hanging from the ceiling. There were a few small window seats to both sides of the door. Two sets of steps on either side of the room led to a bigger elevated seating area and nestled between the stairs was a small barista bar.

The walls were covered with posters and artwork promoting all kinds of pride events, drag performances, and community events. Some posters seemed to date back at least fifty years.

Jake closed the door behind them and quietly shuffled past Josh until he stood in front of him.

“How about you go and find us a table, I’ll order the drinks.” he said, smiling as he saw Josh look around in wonder.

Josh quietly nodded and slowly made his way up the stairs, still looking at all the posters lining the staircase.

The upstairs seating area was quiet. There was a woman in a corner booth leafing through a book as she absentmindedly stirred her coffee. One of the tables near the right staircase was occupied by two men talking together and laughing.

Other than that the cafe was empty. It was a Wednesday afternoon after all, Josh had almost forgotten that.

He looked around at the tables, trying to decide which one would give him the best view of the restaurant while still being able to pay attention to Jake when he noticed something peculiar.

All of the tables had been scratched to shit. The surfaces and the table legs looked rough, like a herd of cats had attacked them on a daily basis for years.

But when he looked closer he realized it wasn’t just random scratching. There were names and hearts and full sentences and declarations of love, carefully carved on every square inch. None of them seemed to overlap.

He traced some of the letters with a finger, trying to read what it said.

“Forever yours, Sue and Bonny”

“Ted + Allen, never apart “

“Roberta and Juliet, rebels for life”

"Joe and Charlie, in this life and the next"

On and on the carvings went and Josh wanted to read them all.

“Oh cool! The website said this would be here but I didn’t know if it would be accessible.” Jake said as he carefully climbed the stairs holding two giant cups of coffee and lightly startling Josh out of his focus.

“What are you talking about Jake?” Josh asked.

“Well I did a little google search for some cool cafes when you were in the bathroom and this place was pretty high on the list.” Jake answered as he set the two cups down on a table near the left hand stairs.

“Apparently it’s one of the first public queer spaces in the country, and somewhere in the early twentieth century a tradition was started for couples to carve their names into the tables to make their relationships official. It basically meant you were married.”

Josh stared at him slack jawed. Jake nonchalantly sat down at the table, taking a sip of his coffee and scrunching his nose a bit before grabbing the sugar.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re the best brother in the history of all brothers?” Josh said as he slowly slipped into his own seat, still in awe at how considerate Jake had been.

“Yeah, Sammy says it quite a lot actually.” Jake smiled as he took another sip, now seeming more satisfied with the taste.

Josh snorted at that. “Well I know that’s a lie.” he chuckled as he took a sip from his own coffee.

“You’re right.” Jake nodded sagely “Danny actually says it the most.”

Josh laughed loudly.

“Now that I do believe!” He remarked as Jake let out a laugh of his own.

The pair chuckled for a few minutes, not really laughing at the bad joke but simply being caught in a fit of giggles that kept bubbling up as soon as one of them got quiet.

The day had been much more emotional and draining than either of them could ever have expected and the small moment of levity was like a breath of fresh air.

As their giggles finally died down Jake leaned back in his chair with a small sigh, face angled towards the ceiling, eyes closed, simply enjoying the quiet of the cafe for a moment.

Josh looked down at the table and thought about what Jake had said the carvings meant. His fingers went back to lazily tracing the letters as he spoke softly.

“I’m gonna ask Felix to marry me.”

Jake’s head quickly snapped back to look at his brother’s face. Josh almost looked shy. His fingers still tracing the carvings, eyes focused on the movement.

“Holy shit!” Jake exclaimed. “Finally!”

Josh let out a laugh at that.

“I felt like it was time.” he said, still not meeting Jake’s eyes.

“You don’t fucking say.” Jake replied. “I mean I’m not saying there was a betting pool or anything but both mom and Sammy definitely owe me money now.”

Josh finally looked up, a frown on his face. “You bet on whether or not we’d get married?” he asked, sounding slightly offended.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jake replied. “We always knew you were gonna get married. We were just betting on who would ask who first.”

Josh let out a snort. “You fuckers are unbelievable.” he laughed.

“When are you gonna ask him?” Jake asked when his twin had stopped laughing.

“I don’t know yet.” Josh replied. “Trying to think of the right moment.”

Jake nodded. He tried to think of the best way to go about proposing to someone but anything he could come up with just didn’t feel quite right.

“Do you have a ring yet?” he asked instead.

Josh looked down at his hands again, trying to hide the blush that slowly crept up on his cheeks. He nodded his head lightly.

He slipped one hand into the front of his shirt and pulled out a long silver necklace on which a beautiful silver ring hung.

The band was a little over a quarter inch in broadness. The outer edges were slightly raised and in the middle of the band there were several stars engraved, their centers adorned with tiny diamonds that reflected a multitude of colors in the soft cafe lights.

“Shit man, that’s gorgeous.” Jake whispered in amazement, eyes wide as he took in the tiny work of art.

“Thanks.” Josh smiled. “I designed it.” he carefully placed the chain back under his shirt, placing his hand over the fabric, softly pressing the ring against his chest.

“Why do you have it on a chain though?” Jake asked. “Aren’t you scared you’re gonna lose it?”

“ A little, I guess.” Josh replied. “But wearing it like this against my skin… I don’t know, it sounds stupid.” he quickly took another sip from his coffee, looking around the room to try and avoid eye contact.

Jake positioned himself right in Josh’s line of sight, making it nearly impossible for Josh to look away from his brother’s face.

“Come on man, you can tell me, I promise I won’t say it’s stupid.”

Josh sighed and looked into his cup as he spoke, still avoiding looking directly at Jake’s face.

“Wearing it like this against my skin makes me feel like I'm charging it up with my love.” he said, face turning bright red.

“I commissioned it six months ago, received the finished product three months later and I’ve been wearing it every day since.” he shot a glance at Jake who just looked at him with a goofy smile.

“You’re such a romantic Joshy.” Jake smiled as he rested his head on his hands in a theatrically lovestruck way.

“Honestly if Felix doesn’t say yes I just might.” he continued shooting Josh a toothy grin and a wink.

Josh snorted into his coffee and smacked Jake on the shoulder.

“Gross dude!” Josh laughed as he wiped the foam off of his top lip.

“I hope you’re not talking about the coffee.” a familiar voice spoke behind them.

“I could really use some caffeine after that flight.”

Josh turned around with an incredible speed. He would recognise that voice anywhere.

“Felix?!” he exclaimed in shock as he looked upon his boyfriend who was definitely here and holding a suitcase and might have heard… oh god he could have heard everything.

“What- how- when- what are you doing here darling?!” Josh was at a loss for words, a feeling he was not too overly familiar with.

“Well sweetheart, maybe if you checked your phone more than twice a day you’d know.” Felix laughed.

Josh frowned and quickly grabbed his phone out of his pocket. The only one who had texted him today had been Jake when he was in the bathroom.

But one look at his screen quickly reminded him that even though he had felt the message come in, he’d never actually checked who had sent it. The message read:

“Hello my love, I managed to get the next two weeks off from work so I’m hopping on the next available flight to Chicago. Let me know where in the city you are and I’ll come to you. Miss you, love you, see you soon.”

Josh stared at his phone in confusion.

“But I didn’t reply so how did you-” his sentence was cut off by Jake loudly slurping his coffee. He wiggled his fingers in a little wave and shot Josh a shit eating grin when he looked up from his phone screen.

“You motherfucker…” Josh whispered, eyes wide in realization.

Jake made an exaggeratedly insulted face, pressing one hand to his chest as if he were clutching a pearl necklace.

“Come now Joshy.” he said, tone trying to match his expression but unable to keep the amusement in his voice from slipping through.

“If it hadn’t been for this motherfucker that poor boy would have spent all day wandering the cold empty streets of this big scary city! You wouldn’t have wanted that would you?”

Josh rolled his eyes at Jake and instead turned his attention back to Felix who was trying his best to suppress his laughter.

The shock at suddenly seeing his partner had started to fade away and instead Josh was now awash in an overwhelming feeling of love that seemed to flow out of a bottomless pool in the pit of his stomach.

He wanted to hug Felix and never let go, kiss him until his lips were red and sore. But the bubbling flow of love flowing through his guts was quickly poisoned by fear. They were in public.

He got up from his chair and walked over to Felix, using all the restraint he could muster to simply give him a friendly hug. It hurt him, having to let go so fast, but their safety was worth more than his emotional comfort.

As they let go however, Jake softly cleared his throat behind them.

Josh looked back at his brother and saw him silently tapping a pride sticker pasted on the wall next to their table.

Jake was way too fucking observant.

But a slow realization did start creeping its way into Josh’s mind.

This was a queer bar. A safe space. They could be as affectionate as they wanted here and no one would care. The fact that there were barely any people in the bar also helped ease the anxiety when Josh turned back to his boyfriend and softly kissed him on the lips.

Their first kiss in public resembled their first kiss in private an awful lot.
It was shy and soft and sweet and perfect. Felix had wrapped his arms around Josh’s waist, pulling him flush against his chest. Josh stood slightly on his tiptoes as he draped his hands around the taller man’s shoulders, one hand automatically snaking its way into his hair like it had done so many times before in the privacy of their own home.

They held each other for a long while, pressing their foreheads together once their lips disconnected.

“I missed you so much.” Josh whispered against Felix’s skin.

Felix smiled and pressed their lips together once more before replying. “I missed you too, so much.”

Josh hugged him tightly for a moment before letting go and, now fully realizing what he’d done, anxiously looking around the room.

No one looked at them. No one had even seemed to notice them. The woman in the corner was still reading her book and the two men at the table across from them were too caught up in their own conversation to pay them any mind.

Jake was silently sipping his coffee and reading through the menu that came with the table, making a valiant effort to grant them some semblance of privacy.

Josh turned back to Felix, heart still racing from love and anxiety and the general whirlwind of emotions the day had brought.

He cleared his throat before he spoke, unsure which emotion his voice would linger on when he spoke.

“You wanted coffee right?” he asked, voice having landed on anxious giddiness. “I’ll get you some coffee.”

Felix nodded with a smile. “Coffee would be nice, thank you my darling.” he said, giving Josh’s bicep a squeeze before taking a seat at their table.

Josh smiled back before walking down the stairs to order at the till. His head still swam and it took him a few moments before he actually realized the woman behind the counter had spoken to him.
She slowly waved a hand before his eyes and gave him a warm smile as he blinked out of his musings.

“Hello there.” she smiled. “Back again from far away?”

Josh shot her an apologetic smile back. “Sorry, yeah, bit distracted at the moment.”

“No worries, what can I get for you.” she asked as her hands idly fluttered over the till, waiting to enter his order into the system.

“Uhm, I’ll have a large latte please and…” his sentence drifted off as he looked at the glass cabinet filled with baked goods.

Josh could feel his stomach rumbling, not really having eaten since breakfast which would have been at least six hours ago by now.

The cabinet was filled with all manner of cakes, cookies, and sandwiches. The amount of choice was a little overwhelming.

“Uhm.. what do you recommend?” he asked the lady as he gestured at the many food options.

She smiled as she excitedly walked Josh through her favorite options. He eventually picked a spicy cream cheese and cucumber sandwich for Felix, a salmon and lox bagel for Jake, and a slice of carrot cake for himself.

He paid for his order, waited a few minutes for the drinks and food to be prepared and then took the tray of items up the stairs and back to their table.

He walked slowly, not wanting to drop the tray on his way up the narrow staircase. As he got about halfway up he started to catch slivers of a conversation. Too focussed on the tray he was carrying, it took Josh a while to realize the conversation he was overhearing was between Felix and Jake.

Josh always loved when his brother and his boyfriend shared a moment together. They didn’t have much in common, having completely different jobs, hobbies, and general interests. But whenever they found something they could both nerd out over, Josh enjoyed nothing more than to just sit back and watch them have fun together.

This conversation didn’t seem to be about some new tv show or movie they had both seen though. Josh wasn’t sure what it was actually about.

“You can’t go first man, you’ll make me lose money!” Jake’s voice came in a hushed tone.
“Jake, I really don’t care about your stupid bet.” Felix replied in the same tone.

Bet, bet… what bet? Why did that sound so familiar?
Were they talking about Jake’s bet about who would propose first? But why would they be talking about that?
Josh’s racing mind was cut off by Jake’s voice, now speaking at a normal level.

“Oh sweet, I’m starving!” he exclaimed.

It took Josh a second to realize what his brother was talking about, until he remembered he was still holding the plate of food and Felix’s coffee which was now slowly getting cold.

He quickly continued up the stairs and placed the tray on the table, distributing the food and sitting down next to his boyfriend.

Felix gave him a warm smile and comfortably slung an arm around the back of Josh’s seat and Josh’s heart fluttered.

The anxiety he had felt earlier that day about not being able to share these little moments with his partner seemed like such a distant memory in a way.

Of course it wasn’t fully gone. 27 years of fear doesn’t just go away with one good experience.
But the fact that these comfortable tiny things were now a part of his reality made him feel safe in a way he had rarely felt outside the confines of his own home.

Josh smiled back at Felix and took a bite of his cake when he remembered the confusing conversation he’d overheard as he walked up the stairs.

“So what were you guys talking about?” he asked nonchalantly between another bite of cake and a sip of his now lukewarm coffee.

The panicked look Jake and Felix shot each other didn’t go unnoticed by Josh. but he chose not to comment on it, too curious to see what reply they’d come up with first.

“A movie.”
“Music.”

Their replies came at the same time.

Josh raised his eyebrows and shot both of them a look over the edge of his coffee cup.

Felix looked absolutely terrified and Jake resorted to taking the biggest bite of his bagel he could possibly fit in his mouth and desperately avoiding any and all eye contact with anyone.

The answer as to what they had been discussing was pretty clear.

Even though he was immensely amused at their reactions, he kept a straight face as he put his cup back on the table and stood up.

“I see,” he spoke gravely. “If you two will excuse me, I’ll be right back.”
And with that he turned his back to them and descended down the stairs again.

He could hear their panicked whispers behind him and something that vaguely sounded like Jake choking on his bite but he paid it no mind.

He simply walked back to the coffee bar and waited in line behind some new customers who had just entered.

He patiently waited for the people in front of him to finish their order and smiled at the woman behind the counter when his turn came.

“Back so soon?” she smiled back “everything okay with your order?”

“Yes the food is great, thank you.” Josh replied.
“I was just wondering, is everyone allowed to carve into the tables? Are there any rules?”

The woman behind the counter, Josh now noticed her name tag read ‘Jocelyn’, gave him a knowing smile.

“I’m very happy you asked.” she said as she dug behind the counter and pulled out a clipboard with a form.

“It used to be a bit more informal,” she said, seeing the confused look on Josh’s face.
“But seeing as this has been declared a historic establishment we now unfortunately have to deal with a bit more paperwork.”

Josh nodded as he started to read through the form. It wasn’t too complicated, simply a list of rules, an empty space to fill out what you were about to carve so if it ever became unreadable evidence of it would still exist, and a place to sign to signify you had read the form.

The rules were pretty standard;

Don’t carve over any previous carvings.
No obscenities.
Don’t damage the table in any way that could compromise its functionality.
The carvings can take up no more than two and a half by two and a half inches.

Josh filled out the form and handed it back to Jocelyn who quickly skimmed through it and put it back behind the counter.

“Very nice. Do you have a carving utensil or would you like to borrow one?” she asked as she looked back up at him.

“Oh uh, I’ll borrow one please.” Josh smiled sheepishly, not really having thought about how he would actually create the carving.

“Of course.” she smiled and rifled behind the counter once more.
A few seconds later she handed him a short stubby knife. It definitely looked sharp enough to do the job, but the blade was also short enough to avoid accidentally cutting your fingers.

Josh beamed brightly at her.
“Thanks, I’ll return this before we leave.”

Jocelyn nodded back with a smile. “Have fun and be safe!”

Josh straightened his face again as he walked back up the stairs, keeping the knife out of view as much as possible.

Jake and Felix were quiet, panicked whispers having died down; they now both stared into their respective coffee cups, looking slightly shell shocked.

Josh almost felt bad for them. Almost.

Felix looked up at him as he stepped foot on the landing. He opened his mouth to speak but Josh simply raised his hand to cut him off.

He sat back down in his seat and looked at the table for an empty spot. The table was pretty much covered but as he moved his plate of cake he found a spot that seemed to be just the right size.

“Josh, sweetheart, what are you-” Felix started as Josh started dragging the short blade over the wood.

“Josh what the?!” Felix sounded alarmed at his actions, not used to seeing his boyfriend perform random acts of vandalism in public. But out of the corner of his eye Josh saw Jake put a hand on Felix’s arm to quiet him.

“Shh, it’s allowed.” Jake spoke.

Above his head Josh could hear his brother and his boyfriend quietly arguing but he didn’t pay much attention to what they were saying. He was too focussed on making sure the letters of Felix’s name would be readable for a very long time.

As soon as he was satisfied with his handiwork he sat up and handed the knife to Felix, cutting him off mid sentence.

“Here, now you carve my name.” he said, holding the handle of the blade out to the love of his life, who still looked incredibly confused but to his credit did take the knife and did as he was instructed.

Josh shot a glance at Jake who also still looked somewhat puzzled but as Felix started carving realization seemed to dawn on him and a smile started tugging at the corners of his mouth.

While Felix was focussed on the table Josh deftly unclasped the necklace from his throat and let it drop into his lap. He silently slipped the ring off of the chain and held it in his left hand as his right nimbly stuffed the necklace into his pocket.

It took a minute but soon Felix too had finished his carving and sat back up, handing the knife back to Josh.

Josh finally allowed himself to smile as he took the knife and carefully placed it onto the table.

“There.” he spoke, shooting a sly grin at Felix. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”
Felix’s eyes frantically shot back and forth between the twins.
“What?” he asked, voiced small and confused.
Josh smiled at his husband.
“Carving your names into the table has been a tradition here for queer couples for over a century. In times where legal marriage wasn’t possible this meant that you were married in any way that mattered. We’re married now darling. And I know that bulge in your pocket isn’t just ‘cause you’re happy to see me so come on pretty boy, show me what you got.”

Felix’s puzzlement turned into a wide grin as he dug into his pocket and took out a box.

Josh stared in awe at the silver band that rested against the blue velvet lining of the box.
In the center of the band there was a tiny, expertly engraved depiction of a sun with a face. It was almost reminiscent of a tarot card with its closed eyes and soft smile. Engraved tendrils of lights shot off from its face and encircled the ring. It was beautiful.

Felix was equally in awe as he stared at the ring in Josh’s palm.

Their hands shook slightly as they placed their rings onto the other’s fingers and when they looked up at each other’s faces they saw their own watery smiles mirrored back.

Their lips met in a teary eyed kiss and for a moment it felt like they were the only ones in the room.

Even though it wasn’t technically official, the way Josh felt as he disconnected his lips from Felix’s to look back down at their names carved into the table told him that the man he now held in his arms, the man he had held as close as humanly possible for the last eight years, was now really, truly his for life.

Josh looked back at Felix, pressed their foreheads together and let out a wet laugh as Felix suddenly started peppering his face in kisses.

He managed to get both Josh’s cheeks, his left eye, his forehead and the tip of his nose before Josh devolved into a fit of giggles and grabbed Felix’s face with both hands, holding him still as he stared into his husband’s eyes before pressing their lips close again for another deep kiss.

They were so lost in eachother that the sudden sniffle emanating from the other side of the table actually startled them.

Jake hadn’t meant to snap them out of their moment but the tears had been running down his face ever since they had finished the carving and if he hadn’t sniffed his nose at that moment he would truly have turned into a blubbering mess.

Josh smiled softly at his brother.

‘Are you crying Jakey?” he asked, trying to sound teasing but unable to keep the real emotion out of his voice.

“Shut up. No I’m not.” Jake sniffled back, wiping at his eyes and nose with the back of his sleeve, silently cursing at the apparent lack of napkins in this cafe.

“I’m just upset that seeing as neither of you fuckers actually proposed no one is gonna win the bet.” Jake said, tears still streaming down his face.
Josh and Felix both let out a loud snorting laugh at that and scooted their chairs over to each side of Jake in order to trap him in a warm hug.

“Let go assholes,” Jake protested weakly “you two just lost me a lot of money!”

“Oh boo hoo.” Josh chuckled as he squeezed his twin tighter. “Maybe that’ll teach you not to bet on people’s important life events.”

Jake grumbled some curses under his breath but his hands snaked around both Josh’s and Felix’s waists in order to return the hug.

After a few moments of comfort they all let go and scooted back to their own seats.

They finished their food and coffee and talked about how to start planning an actual wedding, who to invite, where to have it, what they would wear, color schemes, etcetera.

After a while when Jake started suggesting they go with purple and green for the colors the newly weds decided it was time to leave seeing as Jake was obviously getting bored.

As they walked downstairs Josh remembered to return the knife to Jocelyn.

She gave him a bright smile as she saw him approach the counter, holding Felix’s hand.

“All done?” she asked as she took the knife from Josh and stored it back safely in its designated spot.

“Yes. Thank you.” Josh smiled back and the three of them started walking towards the door.

“Wait! I have something for you!” Jocelyn called after them.

The three men stopped and turned back as she put a small box obviously meant to carry home baked goods on the counter.

Josh, Felix, and Jake looked through the little plastic window at the top of the box. Inside were two cookies, beautifully decorated with lavender flowers made out of icing and swirling letters that read “Just Married”

It took all three of them some conscious effort to keep the tears down once more as Josh and Felix profusely thanked Jocelyn.

Jake picked up the box of cookies as Felix was still dragging his suitcase around in his right hand, and his left hand refused to let go of Josh and Josh in turn hand lost his right hand to his husband and his left hand was desperately trying to open Felix’s umbrella as they stepped outside into the drizzling rain.

Josh finally managed to get the umbrella open and he and Felix walked with their shoulders pressed together and their hands entwined. More free and in love than they ever had been.

Jake couldn’t help but smile and take a picture as he watched his brother and his brother-in-law walk out onto the gray streets of Chicago.
He also snapped a shot of the cookies in his hands and sent both pictures to the family group chat. waiting for chaos to ensue, he turned off his notifications and quickly hurried after the two love sick idiots in front of him, cursing himself for not bringing an umbrella of his own as the skies above him opened up once more.