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2024-01-05
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Biograft and Subspace have father-robot bonding time

Summary:

Alternate title: Subspace beats the shit out of Vinestaff because Biograft likes her more

Work Text:

Subspace was bored, extremely bored.

He's already tortured Medkit today, twice!!! As well as sent Hyperlaser on a mission, some kid called him "stinky and queer..." Obviously he had to deal with that. So now, he had nobody to annoy!! It was the end of the world to him. He huffed, seems like the only person pissed off was him. Was today just not a Subspace day?

Subspace was stuck with his thoughts until somebody knocked on his door. He groaned as an "ugh" came out of his mouth. He got up from his bed, pulling his arms behind his back to make sure all his ligaments stretched, making an odd noise. He inhaled and held it before exhaling and finally standing up.

Subspace walked over to the door, wondering who it is this time. He playfully rolled his eyes and opened the door, only to reveal a Biograft with an envelope in its hand. Subspaces eyes lit up at the sight of his beautiful invention, which was now his beautiful entertainment.

"Oh hey Bio!! Whatcha' got there?!" Subspace asked giddily, maybe he could annoy a Biograft today. Send it on some impossible tasks or just make it prank people. He giggled mentally at this thought.

"MAIL." Biograft stated, raising its arm up to Subspace who just snatched it in response. Subspace greedily started ripping open the letter, hoping it was something like an invitation to a party he could ruin or a letter telling him to kill himself.

Subspace dragged his sharp claw across the top of the envelope, tearing the paper. He grabbed the letter out of the envelope. Unfortunately, it was neither of the things he hoped.

It was an invitation, well more like a notice, to attend today's Phight. How fun. It was like jury duty, nobody ever wanted to attend but they kind of had to. Subspace moaned in annoyance, of course he had to attend. He rolled his eyes and crumpled up the letter throwing it at the poor robot in front of him. His eyes darted over to his invention as it was still standing there. Speaking of Biograft, Subspace had wanted to really spend some time with it. I mean, he was its creator after all.

Just as Biograft started stomping away, Subspace had an idea... a terrible, awful idea...

"Biograft, get over here now!!" Subspace demanded, pointing to the floor in front of him. He decided that Biograft needed to come to this Phight with him. After all, he only ever sent it on missions to do stupid things. Now it could truely live up to its purest potential.

Biograft turned around stomped over to where Subspace was pointing, "WHAT DO YOU NEED, CREATOR?" It asked in its weirdly robotic voice. Quite ironic due to the fact that Biograft is meant to resemble a real phighter, maybe Subspace needed to tweak a few things...

"Would you like to come to a Phight with me?!" Subspace asked, hoping the two could do some father-son bonding time! Well, if bonding meant killing a bunch of people together then yeah. Bonding! Biograft just looked at Subspace with its resting bitch face.

"YES." Biograft answered, clearly only doing so because its creator said so. Biograft doesn't care, well, it can't care. It was never programmed with phighter-esque emotions. The only 'emotion' Biograft had was just being bitchy, or mean, or whatever. No empathy, nor sympathy, just unkindness and rudeness.

Subspaces eyes shined when Biograft said yes, sometimes forgetting that Biograft truly has no say in what it wants or doesn't want to do.

"Polish your blades, my invention!! We leave in 15 minutes!!" Subspace exclaimed with joy, he just couldn't wait to see his precious invention in action! As biograft started walking away, Subspace slammed the door. He only had so long to get ready! No time to waste!

Subspace darted over to his wardrobe, pulling out one of his phighting uniforms. These things were ungodly uncomfortable, but a man must do what a man must do to be elegant. He threw on his uniform and chucked his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. He missed. Subspace then walked out of the door, going to the blade room in hopes of finding his precious Biograft.

His boots make a sound similar to heels on the metal floors of his laboratory as he walked to the blade room. He looked out of the window whist he was walking, it was a beautiful day today. What a bummer that he had to spend it phighting elsewhere. Probably Banlands or The Heights, as everyone just loves those maps.

Finally reaching the blade room, Subspace opened the door to find a lone biograft, polishing its blades. Biograft looked up from its blades and to Subpaces eyes.

"HELLO, CREATOR. I HAVE POLISHED MY BLADES AS YOU HAVE ASKED." Biograft stated, its robotic voice echoing through the room. Subspace smiled brightly through his mask at this gesture, slowly approaching Biograft. He places one of his clawed hands on Biografts head, right in between its fake horns.

"Good job my invention!" Subspace praised the robot. This, however, was just met with aggravation.

"GET YOUR HAND OFF ME, I AM NO ANIMAL." Biograft states, picking subspaces hand off its head. It did not respect being treated like this, even by its creator.

"Fussy, aren't we?!" Subspace giggled, moving away from biograft yet still staring it in the eyes. He then raised both his hands and clapped, the noise echoing through the room. "Chop chop robot boy! We don't have all day!!" Subspace exclaimed, leading Biograft out of the door as they had a Phight to be at.

Subspace led Biograft outside of his laboratory and into the cold climate of Blackrock. It was snowing there, like it did all year round. It hasn't ever been higher than 16 degrees (Celsius) here, and even that was a long time ago. Because of all this climate change stuff, it's been really cold recently. The temperature not daring to graze out of the negatives. Subspace couldn't lie, he was like #1 cause of climate change in Blackrock with all the emissions that come out of making biografts and that. Thankfully, Subspace was smart and built all Biografts to be resistant to majority of temperatures. This means Biograft came out of this treck unharmed!

Finally, after what seemed like miles of walking in the cold, wet, slippery snow, the pair finally reached the Bus stop. They took the 12:30 bus straight to the Flipside arena, as they host all the Phights.

On the way, Subspace attempted small talk with Biograft.

"So, nice weather we're having!!" Subspace said awkwardly, trying to catch Biografts attention. Biograft, obviously not knowing what a rhetorical question is, answered literally as if Subspace was asking for the weather.

"IN CROSSROADS IT IS 29 DEGREES, SUNNY, WITH 3% CHANCE OF RAIN. THE MAXIMUM HEAT IT WILL GET TODAY IS 31 DEGREES AND THE MINIMUM WILL BE 25 DEGREES." Biograft answered, stating all the details correctly. Subspace just huffed in response.

"oh," he said awkwardly. To which Biograft took in the complete wrong way.

"IM SORRY, DID YOU WANT THE BLACKROCK WEATHER INSTEAD? IN BLACKROCK IT IS CURRENTLY -6 DEGREES-" Biograft was quickly cut off by a Subspace shooshing him.

"-no thank you Biograft!! I was just trying to start a conversation with you!!" Subspace explained, his hands motioning a type of half-shrug. This confused the robot, but decided to roll with it anyway.

"MY APOLOGIES, CREATOR. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT?" Biograft asks, just simply doing as Subspace told. Subspace thought for a long moment, what could there possibly be to talk about.

"Who's your favourite phighter?! Me not included, obviously!!" Subspace asks, his smile coming back. He anticipated Biografts response, maybe it had another person it liked other than him!

"VINESTAFF." Biograft states, no longer looking at Subspace but instead straight ahead. It's not like there was anyone else on this bus anyway, so he was just looking at the other seats in front of it.

Subspace is shocked by this answer, and intrigued as well. "Why her?" Subspace asks out of genuine curiosity, could this conversation actually be going somewhere?

"SHE IS VERY KIND TO ME, EVEN WHEN I MAKE MISTAKES." Biograft explains. If it were to tell the full truth,  it likes her because Vinestaff was the only person to make it feel like it wasn't just a hunk of metal or a mindless killing machine. Biograft never liked Subspace because he treated it like the complete opposite of this. Yet, Biograft had no choice but to like its creator. It created it.

"Am I not kind to you?" Subspace asks, a little bit upset that Biograft doesn't see him the way he sees Biograft.

Biograft just stays silent as the bus slowly comes to a halt, the operator telling them to get out soon after. Obviously the pair exit the bus, walking to the two practice dummy's Roger and Rojer. The rest of the phighters have already arrived, this is when Subspaces eyes dart over to the one phighter Biograft seems to like more than him.

Vinestaff.

Just as Subspace was about to walk over and give her a piece of his mind, the vote started. It was between Hotel elephant, Banlands, and King Of The Hill. Since everyone likes Banlands, clearly everyone chose bandlands. Subspace never found the point in it, plus it was hot and he kept falling off the edge. When banlands was chosen, Subspace groaned and looked over to Biograft. Biograft looked back into the scientists eyes, its glare somewhat had bloodlust in it.

Suddenly, everyone was teleported to banlands. Subspace and Biograft were thankfully on the same team. And yet, it seemed like something was missing to Biograft. Ah yes, Vinestaff. She was on the other team, this just meant more fun for Subspace. He grinned like the Grinch who stole Christmas as the round started.

Biograft immediately took the frontline, going for any back liners or lone targets. Subspace was also taking the backline, that's until his eyes lay onto Vinestaff. He smirked, an idea coming into his head.

He used his mist to travel to the other team, which coincidentally had an unprotected Vinestaff there. Subspace smiled and tapped Vinestaff on the shoulder. Vinestaff whipped her head around to see Subspace standing there, hands behind his back.

"What do you want?" Vinestaff said defensively, Subspace just grinning wider at this.

"Guess what?" Subspace asked, holding back a laugh. He was about to play one of his favourite pranks he does all the time on people. Hint, it's something you put in someone's mailbox...

"What?" Vinstaff asked, extremely confused at Subspaces odd behaviour.

"PIPE BOMB!!" Subspace yelled, throwing one of his poisonous mines directly at Vinestaff. It hit her, making a cloud of smoke appear as she started losing health from the poison. This, however, did not stop Vinestaff from fighting back.

She spun around her staff and started attacking Subspace with her seeds. At first, it was nothing, until Subspace started to get really low. Because Vinestaff had regeneration abilities, Subspaces poison was doing nothing. He started to panic, calling out for help. He hoped someone would save him in time, as he was losing health at a drastic pace.

Suddenly, a laser hit Vinestaff in the side, which made her confused and stop shooting Subspace. Then a funny looking triangle appeared on her, and next thing you know Biograft is dashing towards Vinestaff at an indescribable pace. It was practically flying towards Vinestaff, soon kicking her down. It then sent a slash storm her way, all the hits landing on her. She was extremely low, and Subspace was just laughing.

Biograft took a step back, standing beside its manic creator. Subspaces laughing got louder as his eyes lay upon the fallen Vinestaff, who was just on the floor. She had no seeds left to regenerate herself, she was all out of moves. She looks over to Biograft.

"Bio-" she coughs, "why?" Vinestaff says weakly.

"Talk and weep, Vinestaff! You're treading in my zone now!!" Subspace exclaimed, throwing his hands up and pointing his fingers towards himself. You could see the snarky grin even through his mask at this point. Biograft was standing beside Subspace, like a bodyguard of sorts, glaring Vinestaff down with his robotic eyes. No sign of remorse leaving, and none entering the other.

Subspace then throws one final mine at 10 seconds left, quickly making do of Vinestaffs corrupting presence. A victory sign shows up, his team wins by 1 point. Guess she really wasn't a waste after all.

Subspace bends down slightly and extends his arm out to Biograft. "High five?!" He asks with joy. Biograft just emotionlessly places its hand on Subspaces then walks to the opposing teams spawnpoint, probably to find Vinestaff.

Subspace takes this high five as a win, he's truely the best creator out there!
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2176 words, get bad parenting. Also I made a joke version of the Vinestaff vs biograft sequence.
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Oh fish. Subspace was low......
He called out for help but legit nobody cares about him until suddenly

ULTRAKILL music starts playing

Vinestaff is confuse but subspa is smiling then Biograft comes over and murders Vinestaff yummy yummy in my tummy and also flicks a coin and shoots it at her.

(That was much funnier in my head also I'm not proofreading this chapter suck my wee wee)