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Reiji woke up with the sun.
He always did. He rarely needed more than a few hours sleep, and never felt the need to laze around in bed. Reiji hardly ever stopped, if he were to be honest with himself. He was a veteran idol and knew that he was reaching the end of his prime years. He couldn’t afford to slow down, not with the fierce competition brought by the younger generations, led by bands such as STARISH and HEAVENS. Both idol groups were amazing, and he liked to view them the same way an older brother proudly views his younger siblings, but in the end, they were all competing against one another to obtain their fans’ attention and devotion.
Reiji isn’t one for lazy mornings, but maybe just this once, he’ll indulge himself into five more minutes of pure bliss.
The arm wrapped lazily around his middle may or may not have something to do with him not wanting to leave the warmth of his bed.
Said arm belonged to a very much naked ginger snuggled against his back, regular breaths gently tickling his nape. Reiji allowed himself to smile genuinely, fingers ghosting tenderly on the hand resting against his belly.
The body behind him stirred and the arm tightened around him, and he relaxed some more when he felt pepper kisses against his shoulder.
“Morning sunshine,” the words, spoken in Ren’s velvet voice, suave tones slightly roughened by morning drowsiness, sent a shiver down his spine. “Already awake?”
He chuckled at that.
“Of course, the early bird gets the treats!”
He shifted slightly, trying to peek at the man behind him, a mischievous glint lighting his eyes.
“I’m surprised, though. As far as I know, you're not supposed to be a morning person, Ren-Ren.”
The warm body behind him shifted upright, just enough to allow Reiji’s back to roll against the arm Ren was using to hold himself up. The younger idol gazed down at his lover with twinkling blue eyes, a small smirk stretching his lips.
“Maybe so, Bukki. But as far as I know,” he parroted, “I’m the one getting the early bird as a treat.”
He leaned down for a kiss, to which Reiji happily obliged. The kiss was slow and sweet, and the brunette pulled back before Ren could have the chance to deepen it into something less innocent.
“As much as I’d love re-enacting last night’s activities, Ren-Ren, I can’t afford to stay in bed.”
He quickly rolled off the bed so as not to see the disappointed frown on the younger idol’s face. Feet firmly planted on the ground, he stretched his arms the furthest he could, a satisfied moan escaping his lips when he felt something pop back into place. The cold air against his skin unsettled him, so he quickly grabbed a sheet to pull around his frame and made his way to the bathroom for a nice shower.
Again, he allowed himself a little treat by allowing his muscles time to relax beneath the warm spray, not wanting their late-night activities to spoil his dance moves later that day. He knew that if he didn’t pull himself together, Ai would make a scathing remark on his balance being off, Camus would belittle him on his form and call him Old Man, and Ranmaru would frown and stare before pulling him aside, demanding to know what the matter was.
All remnants of the euphoria he felt the night before went down the drain as he finished his shower. He quickly dried himself and pulled boxers and t-shirt on before running through his self-care routine.
He was wiping down his face when he heard the door to the bathroom open. Two arms wrapped around his waist and a curtain of ginger hair tickled his cheek.
He tensed.
Ren noticed.
“… what’s wrong, Bukki?”
His fingers pressed idly against Reiji’s belly. The older brunette shied away from his touch, pressing his back against his torso.
A frown marred the ginger’s handsome face, and blue eyes searched fleeing grey through the mirror.
“Reiji.” His given name. Ren wasn’t fooling around anymore. “What’s wrong?”
The older idol let out a laugh and shifted against him.
“Nothing, Ren-Ren!” He cheerfully sang, turning around in his arms so he could lazily rest his hands against the taller man’s torso. “Just the morning drowsiness getting to me! After all, you did quite the number on me last night.”
Reiji added a flirty wink for good measure, but to his surprise, Ren didn’t respond with his usual smile. His gaze was dead serious as his hand shifted from Reiji’s waist to his cheek, thumb brushing tenderly against his skin.
“You know…” Ren started gently, voice barely more than a whisper. “Your eyes have always fascinated me.”
Grey eyes shifted upwards to meet blue and Reiji’s head tilted to the side.
“Oh?” He asked, curiosity evident in his voice. “How so?”
“They’re beautiful, for starters...”
The compliment made Reiji chuckle, but the mirth died in his throat at Ren’s next words.
“… and contrary to you, they never lie.”
Ren’s hand cupped Reiji’s cheek gently before the latter could pull away, tenderly coaxing the older idol to stay put. Trapped, Reiji smiled up at him with practiced ease.
“What are you talking about, Ren-Ren? What makes you think I’d lie to you?”
He forced himself to meet Ren’s beautiful, unnerving blue eyes, usually so warm and inviting despite their cool palette ; but the warmth he had come to cherish had dulled down to a gentle, concerned glint, and it took all of Reiji’s willpower to stop himself from glancing away. That would have given everything away.
“I think the real question, Reiji, is when don’t you lie.”
The thumb resting behind his ear started shifting into a gentle stroke, and although his survival instincts would normally make him flee, the warmth Reiji felt at the caress made him melt back into the touch.
“… You may fool everyone, Bukki.” Ren continued quietly, his tone a little gentler as he switched back to his usual nickname. “But not me. Your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes when you’re upset or sad. You act the clown, but your eyes… they tell a different story.”
This time, Reiji averted his gaze, but his cheek pressed against the palm of Ren’s hand.
“I see,” he whispered gently, before gathering enough courage to glance back at Ren’s searching blue eyes, his own grey orbs shining with a hint of defiance. “And what do my eyes tell you, Ren-Ren?”
He saw a sea of emotion in his blue gaze, and for the briefest of seconds the intensity scared him. The tide was pulling him in, but he fought back.
He almost jumped when Ren finally answered. Almost.
“They tell me how insecure you truly are beneath your apparent confidence and childish behaviour.” The ginger softly said. “They tell me how hurt you truly are when the rest of Quartet Night refuse to get along. They also tell me how self-conscious you are of your own body, of your age...”
Reiji turned away halfway through his words, a pink tint dusting his cheeks. He felt Ren lean slightly over him, and soft lips pressed against his forehead.
“They tell me how sad you truly are beneath your smiles and your laughs.”
The brunette closed his eyes, but Ren wasn’t finished.
“They tell me how scared you truly are of tomorrow. They tell me how much you truly hate yourself, despite your huge heart.”
Reiji pushed away, but the arm still wrapped around his waist pulled him back in. The hand on his cheek dropped and he was engulfed in a warm embrace.
Ren’s eyes were blue, blue like the waves, blue like the cold rain. But the man himself was a warm summer sun, and Reiji was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
“... You’re perfect as you are, Bukki.” Ren’s voice was just as warm and inviting as the rest. “You’re beautiful and flawed, and I enjoy having you by my side.”
Reiji breathed in Ren’s scent, face buried against his chest. The ginger had pulled on a shirt some time during the older man’s shower, collar left scandalously open for the world to see.
“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Ren continued. “I wish you could love yourself the way I love you.”
A small bitter chuckle left Reiji’s lips.
“Ren-Ren, I’m the oldest, I should be the one hyping you up with my best peptalk, not the other way around.”
He pulled back enough to meet back Ren’s gaze, a new fire burning in his eyes. To be fair, he was a little impressed by his ability to read him like an open book. The younger man had good observational and deduction skills, something Reiji himself was a master at.
“Now that won’t do, Ren-Ren! I can’t have you taking care of little old me when you can’t be bothered to take care of yourself!”
This caused Ren to burst into a surprised laugh, but the same way the younger man could easily see through the lies in his eyes, Reiji felt the slight tensing of the hands on his back, saw the shift in Ren’s demeanour.
“I’m sorry, what?” asked the ginger, superbly feigning ignorance, but Reiji knew better.
“Oh, come now, Ren-Ren, don’t take me for a fool. After all, it takes one self-hating man to know another, right?”
He saw how Ren’s face stiffened ever so slightly, something the younger man tried masking by plastering a frown over his features.
“So you admit hating yourself?”
“Oh, don’t turn the subject around, love!” Reiji interjected.
It was Reiji’s turn to gently cup Ren’s face, a small pout pursing his lips as he turned the ginger’s gaze back to him.
“You’re pretty good at hiding your own insecurities too, Ren-Ren. You’re good, but not good enough to fool good old Rei-chan.”
His thumb gently brushed against the high cheekbone. Ren truly was a handsome man.
“You flirt around, seemingly without a care in the world, because you’re afraid of showing how you truly feel,” the older idol whispered softly, eyes never straying from his gaze. “You act nonchalant, as if everything came easily to you, to hide how lonely you truly feel.”
His thumb traveled down to his lower lip, gently pulling down on it.
“You enjoy annoying those you love, but when it comes down to it, you’re the first to act in their time of need. You tend to focus on others instead of taking care of yourself.”
He pulled back slightly, finally detaching his gaze from those pretty blue eyes to roam over the chest barely concealed beneath a flimsy shirt.
“You know how perfect your body is, and you know how to use it, but you view it more as a tool than part of yourself. Dare I say, sometimes I think that, deep down, you hate this perfect body of yours.”
His gaze went back to Ren’s face. The younger idol’s features were drawn in a frown, and Reiji could feel his thumb self-consciously stroking the small of his back as a means to ground himself.
Silence surrounded them, and for the first time Reiji felt how vulnerable they both truly were. There they were, both half naked in the middle of his bathroom, stripping each other of their deepest fears and insecurities. In a way, this felt far more intimate than their blissful night together.
After what felt like an eternity, a chuckle escaped Ren’s lips. His hands dropped away from Reiji’s waist to run carelessly across his mane of ginger hair.
“Let’s make a deal, Bukki,” he suddenly offered, smile easing back onto his lips and a new twinkle shining in his eyes. “I promise to take better care of myself, if you promise to practice self-love and to also take better care of yourself. How does that sound?”
A smart move. They both knew Reiji would never back down from a challenge and that, despite his easy-going nature, Ren prided himself in keeping his word.
While the older idol hummed thoughtfully, Ren gently grasped his hand and tenderly brought it to his lips.
“Of course, I don’t plan on letting you fight your demons alone.” He added, soft lips brushing against his knuckles. “I’ll be there to remind you how utterly beautiful you are, how deserving of love you truly are.”
He gazed into Reiji’s eyes, now pressing a gentle kiss against the inside of his wrist.
“And maybe, in return, you can show me how to love myself, the way you love me.”
Reiji held his gaze, recognizing the words for what they truly were. A sign of trust. Ren never asked anyone for help.
The older man nodded towards the ginger, without averting his eyes. If they truly were the windows to his soul, then he wanted Ren to gaze right through them, wanted him to see how truthful he was.
“Sounds like a deal, Ren-Ren.”
He offered a smile, and maybe, just maybe, this time around it did reach his eyes.
“I love you, Ren-Ren.”
The ginger leaned down to capture his lips, sealing their promise with a kiss. Reiji pressed back softly, lovingly. When they pulled apart, he allowed himself to drown into Ren’s gaze a while more.
“I love you too, Bukki.”
The whispered answer ghosted against his lips and filled his heart with the warmth he had become addicted to. They stayed like this, silently enjoying each other’s presence, until it was time to move out for the day.
They had a lot of issues to work on, but it was easier now that they had each other’s back.