Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

00:44 “ruled by men astride mighty dragons”
Hoooly shit that was fast. XD Now, this is deeefinitely splitting hairs but…. No, it wasn’t. They were explicitly designed to be a non-governing body? Like, the only thing they were supposed to have control of was inter-species and inter-cultural conflicts? That would be like saying that our world is “ruled over” by the U.N. Just irritating wording. 

00:53 “....but the riders grew arrogant and began to fight amongst themselves for power” 
….. You know, this is pretty much never *directly* addressed in canon as far as I can recall? Now, in my expanded IC verse, this is still poorly representative of the issue. Galbatorix describes them to Nasuada as “corrupt”, partially from meddling too much in the world and partially from hoarding knowledge and profiting from it themselves rather than sharing it (*assuming that his take is accurate, which is a pretty big assumption considering his track record). Neither of those issues suggests “infighting”, but rather an institutional problem that, while not universal, was widespread enough to be representative of the group.
Post Murtagh Update: lololol, it has now been addressed in canon to some extent. My complaint stands. Carry on. 

01:11 “and in a single bloody battle, believed he [Galbatorix] had killed them all”
Two breaches of canon back to back. There were many battles, described explicitly as early on as Eldest, perhaps even earlier if I’m remembering correctly. Burning plains (the one that burned them in the first place and where Brom lost Undbitr if I’m not mistaken? Don’t take that as gospel though, I don’t have the energy to fact-check these). Illirea, and Doru Araeba, and the final fight with Vrael (if you want to count that separately). Problem two: Torix specifically tells Oromis that he knew he was still alive. Could be bullshitting, but I’m inclined to believe that claim (Glaedr was an exceptionally old dragon and Oromis an exceptionally respected elder. He would have been looking out for the eldunari at the very least.) 

01:50 “[The Varden] fled to the mountains.”
I hate how this information is just casually dropped here. This point will be relevant later.

02:06 Arya
This is our first, fleeting image of the lady herself, so I might as well bitch for a sec. ….. Jesus H. Christmas, what in the Hollywood soaked hellscape…….. She is utterly unrecognizable. Hair color changes I can be hit-miss with (if an actor has every single vibe except that, I can forgive… sometimes) But she has rounded ears, dresses completely wrong in every way, and at no point watching her do I ever think “whoa. I don’t understand or fully trust her, but that is a stone cold badass.” which is like… the defining vibe of Arya for the first two books. This is a totally new character who happens to share her name and plot role. (which, since the movie was rejected by the fandom, is bound exclusively to “being captured and then rescued”) 

02:13 “I suffer without my stone. Do Naht prolong my suffering.”
One of the most heavily memed lines from this shit show, and DESERVEDLY SO. 1) I love this actor in everything else he does, but this is tragic. Moving on  2) why. The. /fuck/ are we seeing him at all??? Keeping Torix hidden until the last possible second was so important to his whole vibe. The build-up was impeccable 3) For how his voice is described so often and so vividly…. This ain’t it. 4) Galbatorix knows it's a dragon egg??? Calling it a stone, diegetically in dialogue, is so ridiculous. Brom did it a line or two before in narration and that I’ll forgive, but there is no reason this character would say those words. 5) the idea of Torix whining to Durza about missing his rock is just fucking hilarious XD This scene is bad, but for memes it is gold. 6) The tiny bit of Uru’baen we see is so aggressively ‘b-grade evil lair’ energy. Bless the budget gods, they did what they could. But hey, maybe save all the money and just not include this scene.

02:35 WARNING: I’MMA SAY SOMETHING NICE.
I actually… vibe the costumes here. Alagaesian fashion is very dear to me and (at least in Carvahall) I think they did fine. The fiber quality is right, the weight and way it moves are good, the palette is earthy and comfy… it’s fine. End of niceness. 

03:25 Thank fuck
The narration is over TwT I love Jeremy Iron’s voice to bits, but this was so unnecessary. Cold opening to “weird magic dude stalks weird magic lady” was kinda the whole point of the prologue?? So getting all this backstory before then is so out of place. Seeing the breadcrumbs connecting what the audience already knew to what Eragon was slowly finding out was like… a third of the book? Nope, Narration Brom go Brrr. “This is Arya, she’s a rebel, she’s being chased because someone stole a rock from the king. The dude chasing her is working for the king (we just saw them talking in the BAD scene) This whole thing is related to dragons, but we’re still going to call the egg a rock.” Like…. If you’re going to spell out the more hidden lore but then play coy with the part that even small children already know…. It's just weird. 

03:26 Hornless “Urgals”
*everyone disliked that*

04:04 movie thing
Ok, apparently I lied. I will occasionally also be salty about movie things, though I have no right to be as a layperson. Aaaanyway, it’s weird to show Eragon and Arya alternating their onscreen presence? Fans know they’re nowhere near each other geographically, but casuals sure don’t. Weird choice. 

04:19 Eragon’s appearance
Hands up for people who saw this movie first by pure coincidence and thus imagined Eragon blonde for their entire lives? Also… bless his heart, but he does have some seriously blonde moments (I am a blonde, so I can say that :P).  But, canonically, boy is a brunette. Aside from that, I actually think this was a pretty decent casting, in terms of “confused normal kid” energy. (Minus some incredibly phoned in lines… but I won’t put all that blame on the actor. Just some).

4:26 Arya’s sword
Leaf bladed that sure ain’t :P It is kinda neat looking though. 

04:35 “Speaking ancient language”
Ya know, I’ve played back Durza’s line here like four times… I cannot make out what he’s supposed to be saying??? I can speak the AL semi-conversationally (in the right circumstances of course, the vocab isn’t expansive enough for “fluency”) aaaand… what?? Same with Arya’s teleportation spell. I’m really straining here…. And I got jack to show for it. Arya’s spell is never explicitly written out in canon, but Durza uses multiple AL words in this scene?? They seem to have picked none of them?? :P And I don’t know how I feel about the audio effect on the words. Kind of distracting, but whatever. It is also possible I am very tired. 

05:15 More Arya ranting. 
The audacity of not giving my home girl some pants!! I was willing to just believe that she had a really long shirt for some reason, but no. She rolls over and you see /bare thigh/ on a warrior who was just on a sprinting horse! Rude. Plus, this lady was in dark colors (if not /exclusively black/) in pretty much every single scene, usually in a meticulously described sturdy outfit that included p a n t s.   The white/cream dress is so impractical. Book Arya’s eyes are rolled so far back that she can see her own brain. (Although, now I’m on a mental tangent about an elf in leather…. There must be some pretty intense extenuating circumstances to make that feasible @.@) tl;dr: This costume makes me irrationally angry.

06:03 (blows)
Book Eragon: *nearly gets blown up and loses his prey!* Holy fucking shit I almost just died? What the fuck was that?? Witchcraft???
Movie Eragon: *flash of light and a mild whoosh, deer are literally unmoved by this event, blank stare*
*blowing like he has a bowl of soup that is to hot*

06:37 “Two more patriotic volunteers for the king’s army”
While technically accurate in spirit (forceful conscription, soldiers being jerks) the empire stayed out of the smaller town’s business, to the point of it actually being a whoooole problem. “They don’t do shit for us except collect taxes, why would we be loyal to them? Meanwhile, we’re screwed if something bad happens!” Torix did not give one single fuck about that entire region until Eragon happened. Also, they’re not in uniform. (tri-pronged flame, gold thread red background. Basic af, should be easy.) Tell me budget, etc etc… /they shouldn’t be there anyway!/ Just. cut. Them. 

07:03 Sloan’s Shop
This man is described as fastidiously tidy multiple times. He doesn’t get much characterization, so “neat freak who’s a total dick to everyone but the daughter he’s overprotective of” is pretty much it??? The vibe in the movie is ‘gross’. Not his style at all. Plus, why is Carvahall so open-air? I guess it’s not… impossible… but doors and buildings are described a lot… plus, it gets pretty dang cold in this region. Very strange. 

07:48 “It belongs to the king. Tell no one you have it; you’ll endanger the whole village.” 
I’m sorry…. Ex-fucking-scuse me??? Nononononno sooo many plot holes in a single sentence, my head hurts @.@ Why the fuck would Sloan know that??? Like three people /in the empire/ know what that is and where it came from. Why fuck around with the “stone” bit if we’re just gonna act like it’s common knowledge anyway?? Plus, it completely robs Sloan of his make-or-break limit: being scared absolutely shitless of the Spine itself (an important point for Eldest as we all know). 

07:54 Disrespecting Horst like that T-T
My main man deserves better than to be totally abandoned. He’s one of those lynch pin characters that really made Carvahall feel homey for me; like it was worth fighting for. Blah blah blah, minor characters get cut from adaptations all the time…. But that’s the wrong damn one, okay. AND I will now be extra super duper salty about every superfluous scene. #defund the distractions #justice for Horst 

08:54 “I think you’re a thief. A poacher.” 
Eeeeh….. Okay, so this is one of those things that only bothers /me/…. But… teeechnically… poaching wouldn’t really apply here??? But whatever, that’s pretty nit picky. Point of the scene is “soldiers are dicks” which like… didn’t we establish this *checks notes* two minutes ago??? 

09:08 Warning: nice thing number 2! 
Roran is very well cast. He has this chill, likable vibe that is just *cheff’s kiss*  It would have been really hard to watch him get all traumatized and badass, but in a narratively satisfying way. Shame we won’t get that chance. :P 

09:42 “Shall we have another lesson today” 
Having said that, this part is aaall wrong. Roran was explicitly not a fighter pre-Eldest. He was strong and hardy, clever and earnest but not a fighter. (It’s a big turning point in his arc and everything…) He wasn’t “teaching” Eragon, neither of them had a clue what they were doing at the outset. Eragon was a competent archer because he hunted and that was it. Plus the “wake up dreamer” line feels weird. We spend quite a bit of time in Eragon’s head, and he isn’t really the “off in daydreams” sort? Especially in this first section, his thought process is practical even in the face of fantastical things. 

10:51 “I’m leaving. I’m old enough to be recruited now” 
Aaaand speak of the devil. Yeah, another reason that the soldier thing is irritating, it just happened to set up this stupid thing. “Hey, I’m just gonna fuck off into the great blue yonder. Good luck in a few years when this is your problem. I’ll be in touch, even though I’m technically committing the most laid-back and casual kind of treason.” like… dodging a draft is a big deal, especially when the person drafting you is a genocidal tyrant @.@ And /again/ this whole thing wasn’t in the book in the first place :P Plus, Roran’s commitment to his home, his family and ABOVE ALL Katrina was so intense that he turned into a legendary war hero for it, just so he could go home and retire. The man had straight-up ice in his veins when it came to digging in his heels…. this is all wrong. 

11:45 Garrow
OOf… another character that is just waaay off vibe in this movie. They went with the more… digestible, classic-fantasy doomed-family-member. But I liked that Garrow was irascible, taciturn, distant… but then opened up briefly to say farewell to his son (and, ya know, technically also to Eragon). 

12:08 “My sister was in a great hurry…” 
My baby girl gets a passing reference T~T Say her fucking name, damn it. (again, only I care. I just want to complain). 

13:03 “Goodbye, Father.” 
See, this is what I mean. “And then they hug and smile at each other and the music goes all *strings*!” …. But don’t give the man his life lesson speech??? Garrow’s parting words are a big deal; you can practically feel them echoing off of all Eragon’s decisions for quite a while. (especially when he talks to Aijihad. I feel like Garrow gave Eragon more political advice than literally anyone else). And you know… he’s about to fuckin’ die??? You make him spew this “live ur dreams, kid” stuff in the previous scene, but take away all of his actually useful advice???? 

13:47 The way Roran leaves and when
I have mixed feelings. On one hand, it almost feels like a “what if this absolutely soul-wrenching thing didn’t happen” when Eragon calls him brother and then they hug and say encouraging things to each other…. Like yeah, it would have been nice to let that happen. Way less interesting than what happened in canon and it kinda undermines the ridiculous tension building for their reunion later… but it is cute to see. I am only small mad about this.

Sidebar from future Lilly, Roran says something to the effect of “keep working on the archery, we’ll make a hunter of you yet!” there’s explicitly a line in Eldest where Roran is musing how he’s still not quite as good of a hunter as Eragon, but he can hold his own respectably. So… that bugs me. 

14:01 The hatching begins!
so Eragon is sitting in a hay-strewn room next to a burning candle but with copious light pouring down on both his head/shoulders and also the egg. The point being: if it's night, it is super bright in there and also why are you even here kid? And, night or not, why are you burning a candle near all this flammable shit??? Plus, those fuckers were expensive! With that much moonlight, no self-respecting sustenance farmer is wasting a candle.  It's especially annoying because previous scenes of Carvahall in the daytime were dark as hell. Why do we suddenly have extra light sources for no reason @.@ 

14:19 More hatching
So many egg sounds O.O And it’s so… moist. Por’que... I mean, yeah it probably would be... but s' loud @.@ TwT  Also, I don’t know where else to put this complaint, but the egg really suffers from not having those marbled white veins imo. A very striking mental image, reduced to “smooove” It’s fine, just could have been better.

14:25 Baby Saphira!
Ok ok ok ok …. This character design is perplexing in so many ways, but I’mma take a risk and say nice things first. 1) Those eyes are lovely~ Big and round on the sweet sweet baby~~~ 2) I have a weakness for baby dragons of all stripes (gimme gimme~~). She is cute as heck 3) shade of blue is fine.
Okay, now the actual point: what the heck???? I’m all for trying new things with the dragon aesthetic as they’ve been done sooo much. However *comma*, the IC dragons were already unique! Their broad array of gem-like scales???? Like… this is why I wish I had a bajillion dollars because I would die to see IC dragons done in the style of like…Land of the Lustrous! (Gem people, part 2-D animation and part 3-D with this really stunning effect on their hair in particular. I looked for pictures to do it justice, but it’s really better in motion (Houseki no Kuni) First Battle) [that’s from early episode 1 btw, basically no spoilers). My point is: if you want to take artistic license to really make something stand out… then use its most notable trait and go buck-wild with it! Instead, they went against the fundamental textures, tones, and total vibe of IC dragons as a whole and Saphira in particular (making it more animal, natural, rough, and muted instead of a dazzling sky-goddess cloaked in sparkling scales). Could the budget (and tech at the time) have handled that? Eh, probably not… but the wing texture thing is unforgivable (It’s described so many times, like way to scream that you barely skimmed the damn book.)

14:48 “What are you? Well, you’re not a bird…” 
The dipshit award this year goes to…. Bruh, dragons might not be around, but stoires about them still circulate like crazy in Alagaesia. Like…. Every four-year-old knows what a dinosaur is and they haven’t been around in millions of years (heck, most of them have a favorite kind.) You’re telling me Sloan knows about a “magic rock” stolen from the king and teleported by magic, but a teenage boy hasn’t even heard of a /fucking dragon/ I stg…. 

15:06 “sudden flash, eyes open” 
Brom is psychically aware of when Eragon touches Saphira. Cool, love that. The whole point of “small strange village old dude turns out to be super cool magical badass” is like…. 80% of Brom’s contribution to the story. So yeah, that’s dumb. OH and then the next clip is Torix reacting the exact same way . Gee, I wonder what thing could possibly connect those three people… Do you think… bRom MiGhT bE a RiDeR?!? Useless….. And then we show Arya again for no reason? Like, no, her being explicitly unaware if her little gambit worked or not was very important. And then that’s how people know it’s hatched??? The stupid… it hurts so bad. I was almost willing to say “well, hypothetically, the you-know-who on vroenguard could have contacted Brom, maaaybe even Arya???” but they would never have contacted Galbatorix XD Nope, completely unjustifiable.

16:08 We see Eragon’s hand
Yeah, I don’t know what the heck that is, but it is most definitely not the gedwey ignasia. I will stay mad about this forever. I don’t even care that it’s a spiral… weird, but whatever, it’s a magic dragon mark make it whatever you want, I just hate the effect they went for. And, if they’re able to do all the scar-like makeup on a hand of all places…. Then I’mma have a lot more to screech about later >.> 

17:24 “My king, Galbatorix, as you feared, the dragon has hatched”
What an awful way to word that… also, no. That is, in fact, explicitly the thing he wanted. It’s the ONLY thing he actually wants: the dragon eggs to hatch and end up under his control. Would Durza know that? Eh, rather I think it’s likely that Durza doesn’t care about Torix’s wants or fears; if anything he should be in shambles because of how badly he fucked up. 

17:25 “When the Varden learn that the legend is real…”
Dumb, dumbdumb dumb duuumb~ Dude, the Varden are the ones who stole it in the first place??? It’s not a “legend” to them??? It’s a real, tangible plan. Ok, so the following dialogue is about like “they’ll challenge me… I can’t let them have hope, don’t let them reach the Varden” and the Durza says “I will find the boy and kill him before he becomes a man” but like… dude would be way more focused on recruiting Eragon! Killing him is the absolute last resort and would cause an absurd number of problems. Plus, I think it destroys one of the only things that makes Torix more than a conduit for mortal suffering; his mourning and subsequent madness. I  have talked about this to exhaustion in my fanfic works… so maybe check those out ;)
Plus, I just cannot look away from his damn hands in this scene. What are those curved monstrosities we’re calling fingernails, I’m wheezing XD Get a new nail tech, damn. Again, just so “look at me, I am so evil!” what???? Book Torix would wreck this fool… with a vengeance. ((unrelated tangent, in our rp group he is a regularly occurring feature and we mock him mercilessly for this movie behind the Fourth Wall. He is typically very embarrassed) 

19:17 “Ra’zac!” 
OOooooooh this one makes me BIG mad. The big picture of the ra’zac is sososo important TwT It’s a really poignant example of how resisting Torix *has* to be this unifying thing. The races and societies of Alagaesia have massive cultural divides that have generated serious hostility… but this /has/ to come first. Even the apex predators who have evolved to feed on humans and have an entire cult that has worshipped them for centuries were driven to the brink of extinction and enslaved. Even creatures referred to as the “stuff of nightmares” hate the king. That’s HUGE!!! Reducing them to “scary guy waves hands, now there are monsters made of bugs!” is…… so…. Fucking… disrespectful and missing eeeverything relevant about them and I do not like this. Also, the mystique would have been so dope. Don’t even have to waste all that budget on special effects, just have dudes lisping in big cloaks. But nooooo bug men it is _-_ #defund the distractions.

AND two small changes have now stacked on top of each other to create a huge problem: If A) there are soldiers in and around Carvahall with extreme regularity. and B) everyone relevant was immediately aware of the egg’s status and who it hatched for, then C) why the fucketh are the soldiers not immediately contacted (via a method that is explicitly depicted in canon) to go arrest the fifteen-year-old and the baby dragon??? Why waste time on all the dramatics which basically guarantees she will be ten thousand times harder to capture or kill? And it’s not like Torix isn’t intimately familiar with this fact, he stole Shruikan when he was a hatchling for that exact reason (among others) The book understood this, and wrote around it. Movie has created plot holes where they did not previously exist. 

19:48 “Easy, Horst”
Holy shit, he is here! Well, then why the fuck wasn’t he doing his actual scene earlier? And why is he completely wrong in every feasible way??? The movie has his sons conscripted (I assume because they’re named characters the book readers would give a shit about, except that this whole subplot is stupid) so he’s drinking and catastrophizing (a far cry from the level-headed font of strength that is book Horst). And, again, they specifically say that the “soldiers might hear you” so they are still there and very close. 

19:49 “Speak or don’t speak, it makes no difference.”
Brom has this “brooding rebel” vibe that book Brom was waaaay too clever to wear so openly mere feet away from soldiers??? He exclusively plays the old, harmless, charming bard energy to infiltrate, hide, and travel safely. He uses that cover in multiple cities, when he’s romancing Selena… it’s a whoooole thing. 

20:08-20:43 “But it wasn’t always like this, was it?...” “Let him finish!” 
Hey, Brom, I don’t know how many times I’m going to end up asking this question… but…. How would any of them ( and while you’re in disguise /you/) know?? For the lifespans of every single carvahall resident it has literally always been like this. 
Then Brom proceeds to just.. Repeat the opening narration? “There were riders, now there aren’t, it’s all Galbatorix’s fault, fuck that guy” Then why did we even have the damn narration??? And it is /explicitly/ stated in canon that getting caught saying things like this is a death sentence . Not a scolding from a guard, not a gripped collar and bruised ego, death . And then Eragon interrupts the guard who’s telling him to stfu (honestly, probably a good idea dude. >.> I should not be agreeing with the ‘bad guys’ here…) and is like “aw, but it’s story time!” like dude, we’re talking the kind of shit that, in ‘ye olde’ times gets you burned at the stake and shit. S h u t u p . (though, ngl, that level of earnest dumbassery is actually kind of in character for Eragon XD) 
On a related note; I understand how difficult it would have been to create the traders’ visit; whole new sets, costumes, extras, introducing a new group intermingling with another group with which we are also unfamiliar… whatever. That said, it would have been bitchin’. Plus, then Brom’s dope exposition/folktale would actually make sense??? 

This is way too long, I need another bullet point.

20:56 “And one day he will pay for his crime” //“are you deaf? Be on your way!”//“The time of Dragon Riders will come again.” 
Ho-ly Shit, dude! I thought the beginning was bad. Now, if Brom really was just a bitchy old dude, whatever. But he isn’t??? He’s the founder of the rebellion, a classically trained rider, and is literally in hiding so he can guard over his /top-secret son who is standing right there/ ….. No way in aaaaany hell that Brom is stirring up trouble in this situation. Even in the book, where there weren’t an absurd amount of soldiers literally holding onto his body, he didn’t say some radical shit like that. He ended with that classy af, “and from that day, he has ruled us.” like…. Not objectionable, technically just true (which, ya know, Torix has canonically burned people for saying true things before, but it's better than this shit). And Garrow says that just talking about the subject was “won’t live to see another winter” worthy. Like dude…. Way to establish that your “big bad” ain’t shit. Random civilians can punk him out in front of his soldiers and live ???  

21:30 “But first, I think you need to fly!” 
Book Saphira didn’t need to be taught. She was gliding around on her own within like a week of hatching, hunting unassisted. In fact, Saphira being an especially talented flyer is a whole thing. I’ll wait for another bullet to rip the rest of this scene apart. 

22:02 “She’s gone” [sad orchestral]
Yes, because the huge dragon in the trailers, box art, books, and literally the entire premise of the story just fucks off twenty minutes into the movie. There’s playing up fake drama and then there’s treating an audience like literal toddlers.  In the book, Eragon briefly worried that she might get hunted or hurt when she was small, not that she would leave. I thought this was a sweet way of showing his “heart in the right place but usually slightly off the mark” thing (that gets him into soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much trouble throughout the series. 

22:03 (groans) (Deep rumbling) (thunder booming) [cinematic orchestral, Eragon’s hand hurts, saphira grows rapidly in the clouds] (dragon screeching)
This is my surprised face. >.>
This. scene. Makes. me. soOoOoOoO angry. I dislike it so much that I actually forced myself to remember it incorrectly to cope. 

I thought that the “flies away small and comes back bigger” was a way to show the passing of time, like the “Hedwig flying through different weather patterns” in the HP movies (it was just Halloween but now there are snow and jingle bells!) And yeah, we would miss out on Saphira growing up and the sweet, genuine, loving bond they develop…. But I get it; long book, lots to cover, gotta trim somewhere. Is it a bit tired as a trope? Sure! But it’s used a lot because it’s simple and effective. Nothin’ wrong with that! 

What in the shitting hell is happening to my eyes. ……. 

Ok, let’s imagine for two seconds that this is actually how rapid-growing a dragon works (canonically, that is a thing that has happened at least twice to Thorn and Shruikan) The amount of power that would fucking take is insane!!! Torix pulled it off with an army of dragon marbles at his disposal, and it still takes yEaRs. All at once, midair, with some flashy lighting effects just for shiggles…. 

I have become rage, destroyer of movies. 

When you make magic do ridiculous shit (summoning the ra’zac and now whatever the fuck this is) it slaughters any chance of establishing a hard magic system (which the AL  most definitely is, with some squishy sections around dragons perhaps). People who already understand the system from the books are pissed, and now the newcomers will never have a prayer of understanding stakes, context, progression… anything. The third act of magic we see is something of godlike proportions…. And it just happens out of nowhere for basically no reason. 

Tl;dr: The flying transition itself is fine. Making it happen diegetically is atrocious, shameful, disrespectful, lazy, and confusing. 

22:52 “Brom was right, Eragon” 

1. Never say those words in my house again. 
2. Ok…. I… actually like her voice? ^^;;; I don’t know, I just always have! I like that she’s sassy but soothing, kinda has this almost musical quality. I think her mental voice is described as rough in the books (and the audiobooks are….. Well, let’s ignore that) but….. This will always be my headcanon voice for her. Not for “accuracy” …. I just like it :P 

23:02 “I have waited a thousand years to hear your thoughts” 
Bad writing is bad. Also, no. Also, stop. Torix has ruled for less than a century. Plus, he asked the thoughts question out loud, which seems a bit… counterproductive. We just established that she can hear your brain, why are your lips moving :P This is pretty reductive of how deep their bond actually runs…. Though I’m sure that is a veeeeery hard thing to visually adapt. 

23:05 “I am Saphira, and you are my Rider.” 
….. The whole… thing…. About her name…. Is that she shares it with another dragon…. Which is veeeeery relevant???? And Eragon had to learn it from said dragon’s rider, then give it to his dragon, and then introduce those two characters, and then find out the connection between all these points for the full impact to land. So thanks for screwing that completely TwT It wasn’t one of my favorite details of the series or anything…. Fuck larger theme building, amiright??? 

23:55 candles again??? 
I count at least four candles lit in this single room (in a wood/thatch/daub hut no less)! And there’s clearly the sound of someone snoring nearby. So someone living in the bare-minimum shelter has the extra funds to acquire a flying fuck ton of candles, lights them all at once, and then just passes out???? That, my friends, is how to burn to death: speed run. 

Coincidentally, even if they survive the actual blaze, being careless with fire is a hanging offense in Carvahall, so…. Lose-lose really. 

24:00 *fancy dragon book uncovered by a blonde dumbass*
I assume, based on timing and the coolness factor of the music/props, that this is Brom’s house? He has done a terrible job hiding his fancy, illuminated manuscript of secret knowledge. Also, waaaay too few books my dudes. It should look like a mega library was rammed into a teensy little room for maximum vibes (again, if we’re going to exagerate elements, exaggerate the cool/memorable ones! Brom’s house wasn’t dope because it had /a/ “cool” book, it was neat because there was exactly one (1) place to sit when Eragon arrived, every other surface was pure book. He had to shift some of it to sit down!) Also, if we’re keeping his conversation with Brom… why did Saphira name herself?  That’s like… instead of “having your cake and eating it” you “see cake, spit on it, and kick it over a fence!” Like… if you don’t want it, you could just do nothing??? For a film that likes to hide behind “budget” and “run time” constraints…. They sure do put in pointless shit, don’t they??? 

24:20 “Get out!” 
So instead of “eccentric, sharp-tongued (but generally kind) elderly man gives us a dope history lesson and tea while getting high as a kite” we’re going with “weird old dude jump scare!” Picture this from book-Brom’s perspective: Your son (who, in this timeline, you’re like 70% sure is already a rider) sneaks into your house in the middle of the night and starts paging through your top secret book (that you left laying out like a dipshit). Do you a) Calmly ask him why he’s there b) sternly ask him why he thought barging in while you were napping was preferable to visiting for some tea and a chat at a more reasonable hour c) get straight to “hey, hypothetically, if a dragon hatched for you I am definitely the dude to help you with that!” Or d) jump out of the shadows and scream at him to get out of your house. If you chose d, congratulations you are a total wackjob, a bad teacher, and a bad parent! And then awkward cricket chirping as they just look at each other XD Ok, unintentionally hilarious

24:28 “Is it true? What you spoke of?” 
Again, the fact that “there were riders and now there aren’t” isn’t unknown, it’s just not often spoken about (for “murdered by mad king” reasons, mostly). Eragon knows it’s true. Everyone knows it’s true. 

24:45 “Did anyone follow you here?” 
Brom, you are acting shady as hell. Also, accepting movie logic for a moment, …. Why would anyone have been following Eragon??? Movie Brom suspects the egg has hatched and may even suspect that it hatched for Eragon sure, but no one else would know that??? So Brom has no reason to suspect someone is following Eragon??? And, if that was his first thought, then why were his first words “get out.” ya know… right back to whoever would have been following him???? Made even worse by him repeating the sentiment again moments later. Like…. Are you worried he’s in danger or not??? 

24:47 “How big will they grow?” 
Eragon, you are the worst secret keeper in the history of keeping secrets. Watch that tense, my dude.

24:54 “You mock the king. In front of his soldiers.” // “I always say, ‘Better ask forgiveness than permission’” 
Not to be excessively pedantic…. But what the fuck does that have to do with what he said? “You do crimes all the time!” “Eh, I’ll deal with that if I ever get consequences” I guess? Eragon trying to be like “ you won’t tell me dragon stuff, but you will commit open treason?” and Brom just like “That’s a me problem, kid :P”
I bet money that this line was only slid in for a “ha ha, I’m quoting you back at you” thing l8er. Otherwise, it’s dumb and pointless. 

25:23 “What’s it make you then? A liar? Or a coward.” 
Oooooooooooh you better not >.> Book Eragon may have sassed Brom, especially early in their relationship, but not that brutally. And, even when he still distrusted him, he still had a certain degree of respect. Why are you accusing a dude who you watched stand up to guards twice in the last 20 minutes of being a coward of all things??? If the point of this line is to make me think Eragon is a prick, congrats. 

25:27 “I know your story is true.” [Orchestra goes bwwweeeh and Eragon leaves and Brom stares off all dramatic] 
Duuuude….. Somehow, this makes Brom at least 60% more responsible for the way the next few plot points are going to unfold.
In this exact moment he has every opportunity to snatch this kid and be like “whowhowhoa, alright, I’ll tell you dragon stuff right after you explain what you just said.” (translated as, “say syke rn”) Neither of them know there’s danger afoot. 

26:35 -(weak whimpering) the…the boy took it with him. (thump, groaning)
So they added in a scene of Sloan being tortured into ratting on Eragon? That’s not very in keeping with his character. (or, at least, is really jumping the gun on it :P)  Especially since it’s established he understood the “s t o n e” ‘s importance more than anyone else did :P The second the dudes rolled up asking about a blue rock he would’ve spilled every single bean, exactly like he did in the book but even more enthusiastically. Sloan being a self-serving, literal backstabber is kind of a big deal in the books??? But, that’s assuming anyone on this project read them >.> Wait, did he just fucking die????? That’s even worse.

26:40 *we get to see the movie’s version of a ra’zac up close*
Ya know, similar to Torix, we didn’t actually get the payoff of seeing under those hoods until halfway through the next book. Their presence here is all about intimidation and eerie, other-worldly nightmare fuel. Having them leap around and stare dramatically into the camera…….. It’s so Goosebumps . Except Goosebumps is actually engaging… and knows how to build up/pace their reveals :P 

Also, they’re meant to have extremely heightened senses. There’s no way in hell they wouldn’t be able to smell/hear/maybe even see Eragon hiding here. In the book, they only retreated because Brom came up to him and they knew fighting him on “equal” footing would be a bad idea. 

27:09 The first flight. 

1. So he sprints off, lighting goes from night to day. Absolutely no exchange takes place between Eragon and Saphira. Suddenly she just snatches his ass and knows that he’s in danger. 
2. Watching Eragon tumble around as she’s trying to hold him and he’s trying to climb onto her is actually kinda cool, for a second there. In the books, her neck spikes would have impaled him… but since she doesn’t have any in the movie, I guess we’re just ignoring that. Also, it gets more and more ridiculous as the scene progresses. Dude is dead af, from whiplash alone :P 
3. Why is he shouting at her out loud XD In the book, he was shouting because after a few frightened cryptic things she shut her mind off completely. Here, she’s literally answering him as he’s yelling. Plus, at the speeds they appear to be moving, no one is hearing shit :P 
4. The death roll XD We have established that the squishy human is struggling to hang on. So Saphira’s response? Corkscrew, without a saddle or anything to hold. R.I.P. Eragon, role credits, play theme music. 

27:54 “You’re giving me no choice!” (Eragon shouts) *flings rider to the ground by her tail* 
Eragon’s third death of the past 60 seconds, and this one the most brutal of them all XD Get yeeted into the next life by your own pissed-off dragon. 10/10, I’m going to replay that clip a few times until  I feel better. 

*intermission music* 

Much better~ 

she rips him off the road, no warning, and then tries to take him away. He’s squirming and complaining…. So she drops him off exactly where the danger is . Book Saphira went full instinctual mama-bear, secluded him in the forest, and utterly refused to go back until he guilt-tripped her the next day. (which was honestly kind of a big deal for them; her prioritizing her two-legged’s family above her own insintcts.)  In the movie, this is replaced by, “Eh, I tried to save you but you’re too dumb so fuck it.” I’ve never seen a character assassinated like that before. >.> 

Also, it occurred to me later that this basically makes Eragon lose his agency. One of the reasons that Garrow’s death tortures Eragon so much is because he actively chooses to go to Saphira first, which leads to Garrow being left behind and him not returning until the next morning. Here, he just gets lifted in the air for a few minutes by his cranky dragon and then dropped; running straight home or not probably wouldn’t have made much difference. Just a thought. 

28:08 “Uncle? Uncle!” 
Wait… is that supposed to be the replacement for the entire house being demolished XD Dude has some kindling laid across his chest! And he doesn’t look hurt at all? We added an extra scene of torture not three minutes ago, but Garrow is just napping? Eragon brushes the splinters of wood off his shirt, listens to his chest for half a second, and then starts sobbing on him. This has the emotional impact of a lukewarm toaster strudel. 

Oh, and then he goes back and covers him with a blanket. Can't have him getting cold. XD Not one of the many funerary traditions of carvahall, so that's weird.

 I weirdly don’t have a problem with letting Garrow die right away instead of the drawn-out/botched rescue attempt. The end result is the same I suppose, and for a movie’s purpose, it’s not so bad. Though it does contain trace amounts of another running problem the movie is determined to exacerbate: changing plot elements to be more like Star Wars, which is hilarious for how often the IC gets shit for their similarities. (this is noooooot the place for a larger discussion about that comparison thing. Short version: there are no new ideas. As long as you do something cool with the building blocks you choose, I do not care.) On that note; the *cut to burning house and skeletons* was waaaaay simpler and more effective.
SW 1 BAD MOVIE 0

28:52 “Go away! And stay away!” 
Redundant line is redundant. Also, even at the height of being pissed at her, Eragon is never like “Leave and never come back, foul beast!!!” at most , it’s more like “I need a second alone dude, not right now.” I mean, sure, he’s trauma processing…. But that’s not really Eragon’s style of processing. He lashes out in anger, but usually from frustration, not grief. Nitpicky? Yeah, but this movie deserves no mercy. 

And then she does !!!  like…. She just kidnapped him to keep him from being murdered, then dropped him two seconds after, and then fucked off over the horizon. Is she scared for him or not? Because that’s how you act when your brother took the last ice cream sandwich, not when your literal soulmate’s life is in danger. When someone you love is in harm’s way, you’ll put up with a much higher degree of bullshit than usual. (Has anybody ever stopped a fight to go to the hospital? Just my family? ok.) 

29:23 (sobbing) (footstep) *Brom steps into frame* 
I already whined about movie-Brom’s increased culpability… so I’ll just let that lie. But then Blondie bum-rushes him with a stick, screaming (so he looks insane). Brom grabs it, twists his arm so he drops the stick and falls to his knees, looks at kid’s hand  and then yells, “You?!” …. Yeah man, we covered this like 5 minutes ago? Not lookin’ too bright there, old timer. 

29: 35 “Where’s your dragon?” // “Gone!” // “What do you mean gone?” // “I sent her away!” 

Another beautiful moment to imagine from movie Brom’s perspective. You arrive, pitifully late, to the site of a tragedy. Your secret son tries to murder you and then you see he’s a rider. Holy shit, today is dishing out prime bullshit en masse. Then you notice; no dragon. Kid, sobbing, says that she’s “gone.” 

Hellooooo trauma. Memories of your poor Saphira flood your mind. 

So you, panicking, ask what the fuck he’s talking about. He says he “sent her away”........ Cool, thanks for the heart attack for no reason!!! Also, of course she didn’t abandon you just because you’re throwing a tantrum, you dumb fuck; you’re soul bonded. And the next thing you say basically translates to, “Now come on, stop being sad before you get murdered.” Veeery empathetic, good kid wrangling right there. Tactful and not at all ineffective. 

29:40 “Not until I bury him!” 
Dude…. He just said that the scary ass monsters were definitely coming back to murder you. Could you maybe… pretend to give a shit??? 

29:50 “A funeral fit for a king.” 
Holy shit, they just have Brom burn the house down instead XXXDDD That’s so insanely unnecessary. There was some very minimal structural damage, Eragon was shell-shocked from finding his father-figure’s dead body. Your response as his bio father and now also his mentor? Burn his childhood home down in front of him . Fuck it, just hit him over the head and kidnap him; it would cause less problems.

Brom being irresponsible with fire count: 2 

And… if you were going to destroy the house anyway…. Why not just have him find it already destroyed??? You made Brom more unlikeable for no reason again. 

30:09 “Now get on that horse!” 
The horse stood next to an ostensibly violent murder and then house burning completely untethered and unbothered? The level of suspension of disbelief that requires is staggering. Horses are skittish as heeeeell. Also, why is said horse fully saddled? They aren’t really supposed to wear those longer than they’re being used… Convenient horses are convenient. Also, there are two fully tacked and ready to ride horses on a sustenance farm in the middle of fucking nowhere, but they can’t afford to eat for winter, Roran dodged the conscriptors on foot, And Eragon walked into town (about a half-day walk)  Terrible job, everybody. Also, since Brom’s horse is jet black I’m assuming Snowfire and Cadoc aren’t going to be present at all. R.I.P. 

31:00 *pretty landscape shots* 
I love me a forest sweep over as much as the next girl, but are those primarily deciduous trees? Every IC fan in the room may now collectively facepalm. 

Carry on. 

31:20 *Eragon getting off of horse* 
Why is this boy in glossy leather pants? The fabric of typical breeches ‘round these parts is actually described so this stands out more than it really should :P 

31:24 “Why here?” //“Because I said here” 
As opposed to the book, where Eragon suggested their first camping spot because of his in-depth knowledge of the surrounding wilderness gained from years of hunting for survival. But fuck character development, amiright? We need grouchy old-man jokes! It’s funny because he’s old and crabby! 

31:29 “Call your dragon”// “My uncle was killed because of her!” 
See, this is exactly what I was talking about a few points ago. Now it isn’t Eragon’s choice that got Garrow hurt, but Saphira’s. Except it’s not, obviously. So instead of comforting Eragon, “You probably would have died if you were there, it isn’t your fault” it’s defensive. Another unnecessarily mean-spirited shift. 

31:40 “One part brave, three parts fool” 
I’ll have more to say about this when I get around to my re-read session pre-Murtagh.
Or maybe I won’t because I did not finish said re-read lolol. 

31:41 “You don’t think I could do it?” [kill the ‘razac’]
No, Eragon, he doesn’t. No one watching thinks you can either. Because they aren’t “mysterious travelers” in the movie, they’re magic bug dudes that can practically fly, and you just got disarmed by a weird old hermit two seconds ago. Indignation is completely unearned here. 

31:46 “The ra'zac kill, mercilessly. That’s what they do.” 
Brom, he knows. He just found one of their victims…. Ya know, really traumatically. I think he got it. 

31:48 “But a boy of fifteen, sixteen--” // “Seventeen.” // “Seventeen, forgive me.” 
Okay, don’t get me wrong, this joke does actually kind of work to diffuse the tension a little. But the ages Brom said were correct (Eragon has his 16th Birthday shortly after Brom’s death) Aging him up here is pointless, and lampshading it by listing the correct ages out is a bit silly. :P 

31:57 “...against Durza’s assassins.” 
Now, it does make sense for Brom to know that Durza exists (since Aijihad met and nearly killed him, and those two worked together). But saying that out of nowhere, context-less to Eragon’s face is …. Not a great start. Also…. They aren’t “Durza’s” anything and I will stay mad about that

32:12 “A sorcerer possessed with demonic spirits.” 
Nearly half an hour after Arya first used the word, we are now getting a definition. And, even worse, it’s a shitty one. My little magic-nerd heart is shattered TwT. 

*deep breath* SO 

The word demons is used as a curse in the IC, but at no point are any spirits ever described as demonic. Angela says later in book1 that “only the evilest spirits seek to possess humans” but I think later books give us enough context to conclude the spirits in Alagaesia can’t be classified as “good” or “evil” in the classical sense. They are total enigmas. All we really know for sure is that they tend to loathe being controlled. And shades are typically formed how? Someone trying to summon spirits and fucking up (Oromis’s warnings towards the end of Brisingr, discussion of Trianna earlier in that same book I think?)

The following is definitely more fanon than canon, so purists can keep scrolling: 

I interpret the spirits within shades as having two symbiotic purposes; lashing out against whoever comes near them (because they’re pissed at being contained) and, eventually, self-destruction (so they can be released from their physical body)[ taken from a line in Inheritance where Galbatorix comments on Durza’s lack of self-preservation. “Shades are often more trouble than they’re worth”]. They want to cause as much harm as possible to discourage anyone from summoning them again, and (eventually) be left alone. 

32:23 “You are the Varden’s only hope.” 
Not untrue, but also definitely the wrong way to phrase this.  1)  Everyone knows who/what the varden are (though reports about them vary wildly) Eragon would not be confused by the word. 2) Brom explicitly talked about the varden as little as possible in the beginning, especially while Eragon didn’t trust him. Brom didn’t want to bring him there until muuuuuuch later, and he was very particular about always framing it as a choice (even if the alternative to that choice would be literally watching his own son join his enemy). 

32:36 “How do you know all this?” 
THANK YOU, ERAGON, THAT HAS BEEN MY COMPLAINT FOR LIKE FOUR DIFFERENT POINTS NOW. And what is Brom’s answer? “Because I’ve been about a bit” (say that shit out loud; it sounds like a tongue twister) “I’ve seen things… you could never imagine” (1 Eragon can def. Imagine dragons and shit, like… really well. He has one. 2 Book Brom’s cover was storyteller/old book nerd. He knew stuff because it was his job to know stories! A much better way to shake off deception for your wealth of top secret knowledge than basically shouting “because I’m mysterious!!!!!” ……. I really really hate this movie.) 

32:55-33:23 “Now, call your dragon” …… “I never left you” 
Redundancy is redundant…… aaaaaaand there it is. *woooooow* I am so surprised that she came back. The shookethness. 

33:34 Robbing Brom of the most aggressive foreshadowing in the history of foreshadowing. 
Let me see how I do quoting blind here… “I know not whether this is tragedy or farce, for the elements of both are here. My role, however, remains unchanged--” this is FuCkInG important!!! 

34:00 “He knows about dragons? I’ll be the judge of that.” 
Saphira was never skeptical of Brom for a single second. She even says later in the book, “I knew what he was the first time he touched my thoughts in Carvahall.” Like….???? Saphira and Brom team up against Eragon’s express frustration and she backs him up whenever Eragon has doubts about his real intentions. 

34:12 “Muscular. Graceful Proportions. Talons…nicely curved. Legs a bit thin--” … “All in all, a fine young dragon.” 
No one with any experience around dragons would jump into inspecting/judging them to their face within seconds of their first meeting (unless they had an irrepressible urge to become dragon chow). Oromis-elda would be deeply ashamed of his manners! In the book, Brom paid her a few ego-stroking compliments. I believe he even bowed to her. Saphira was amused and placated by this, demonstrating both her growing ego and Brom’s notorious charisma/stated knowledge of dragons.  

34:29 “Only my voice is gentle, old man” 
Way to lampshade the oddly un-rough voice casting for Saphira (again, I actually like it, but still a weird choice) 

34:45 [Eragon’s thoughts on riding Saphira again] “Not me. I won’t do it again” 
Why? In the books, Eragon had most of the flesh of his legs scraped off by her sharp scales. In the movie, he tumbled around without a saddle for all of like… three minutes. That’s not really comparable.

34:49 “My story was about you” 
Brom calling his narration a story, while book Brom explicitly hated that term. Petty as fuck, but I’mma stay mad about it. 

34:58 “...If they are to defeat Durza and the king.” 
Ok, I was going to let it slide, but this is like the third time it’s happened…. They keep discussing Durza as if he is one of the major players in this 100 year war. He’s powerful and dangerous, but in the grand scheme of things he wasn’t any more or less important than the ra’zac (another reason that making them his servants is stupid as hell). Durza wasn’t really considered on the same level as Torix at any point of the story where Brom was still breathing. There was a rumor of a shade (and of course we saw him in the prologue) but he’s not fully explained or discussed until he enters the story. Durza was one of Torix’s many tools, not anything approaching an equal. 

35:15 “....Now that it has found you, it will serve you and only you.” 
…………………………I just spit water all over my poor desk TwT. In no version of any hell is a rider calling a dragon  “  I T  ”  Especially to her fucking face!! I’m convinced that movie-Brom really is trying to burn to death, because I can’t think of another Watsonian explanation for something that egregious. …
The Doyleist explanation is, of course, that the writers/actors/directors just don’t give a fuck. Which is…. Somehow even more disturbing. The “personhood” of dragons is a relevant plot point multiple times throughout the books. It matters very very much, I’d even go so far as to say that it’s critical for the larger themes. Sooo…. Fuck you. 

35:29 “Because the easiest way for the king to destroy your dragon is to kill you. A rider will live on if his dragon is killed. But if a rider dies…” // “So does his dragon.” 
That’s a  m o u n t a i n  of stupid! First, I’m going to skip past the blatant contradiction that is the existence of eldunari. I have so many more pressing problems. Second, Torix doesn’t want to destroy Saphira. Third, why are we inventing new rules of magic/dragons when we can’t even properly follow the old ones? That reeks of the filmmaker’s arrogance. Fourth, IF that is the case AND Saphira knew this (instinctual knowledge, whatever) THEN why did she yeet Eragon to the ground right next to a fresh murder victim with strange monsters hunting him?? And fuck off with that, “I never left you” crap; you flew away ! If something did happen, you never could have come back in time to do damn thing. And you can’t even argue self-preservation anymore since if he gets his dumb ass killed you both die! Old plot hole has now grown into a gaping, oozing wound in the plot! And I’m very sure that it will only get worse as we go. This is so pointless, causes so many problems, and is largely loathed by the fandom at large. 

35:59 (clanking. grunting) [They show the “urgals” smithing]
Ripping off a montage from Lord of the Rings I see~~ Solid choice, they’re classics for a reason. Of course, Urgals don’t so much have a reputation for smithing…. In fact, their equipment is expressly described as being hodgepodged/salvaged from what they can collect. It’s often mismatched, ill-fitting, and in some level of disrepair. This implies either a lack of technology or  lack of knowledge/skilled labor (I lean towards the latter since they’ve been hunted for generations, and more recently bewitched/ enslaved, it’s not hard to believe that they’ve had trouble progressing their craftsmanship/replacing craftspeople). 

More to the point, during this section of the story the Urgals are in transit, not holed up somewhere making weapons. They’re on the march :P 

Side note, none of the Urgals have spoken a word in the movie. They keep snarling/grunting at eachother like animals…. And it is very very unsettling under the lens of the rest of the series. 

36:24 “Simple and to the point! *stabs foot of urgal* The farm boy evaded the ra’zac. Bring me his head.” 
Okay, gratuitous violence from a shade…. Fine in spirit, even if it is YET ANOTHER totally pointless scene. (a very expensive one too!! All these extras, weapons, makeup, effects for Durza…. why do we keep showing things that have nothing to do with anything!) So… the two (2) instances where Eragon and Brom face urgals are coincidental. A rear guard/stragglers sneak up on them in Ya’zuac and they stumble into a hunting party on the road a while later. We don’t need to justify why they run into urgals; the fact that it was unexpected/didn’t make geographical sense was important to the plot . 

And besides, no sensible evil-doer would send Urgals to hunt down someone wh0 “evaded” the ra’zac. That would be like asking your dentist to help fix your car after your mechanic failed. Like…. I’m sure your dentist is good at lots of stuff, but …. This isn’t really in their wheelhouse?? And the literal expert has already fucked it up??? Every tool is a hammer, but not every blade is a scalpel (if that makes sense). 

Stupid scene is stupid, moving on. 

36:45 *Durza dissipates into smoke* 
Making him do this constantly (as his main method of transport) is not only a breach of how magic works, but it also decreases the impact of when it ACTUALLY happens in the story later on. (Ok, no one believed he was gonna stay dead there either, but him dissolving into smoke actually made it seem like Murtagh did something!) 

36:47 “Durza will send his Urgals after us” 
So, yes, Durza is currently controlling them…. But Brom did not know this. Absolutely no [character] knew this information until Durza was killed  and the Urgals broke rank. This was a serious subplot for all of the first book. (It also makes one of my favorite Eragon moments of bad/dumb assery totally impossible r.i.p. )

And I very much hate this wording _m_ Seems to imply ownership, and that is just a thoroughly icky thought. 

36:52 [Daret] “The last out post before we reach the foothills”
Another extremely petty point… but this region is referred to as the plains several times throughout this section of the book, and also later on. They could not be bothered to use the correct noun. Proceed. 

36:54 “If we can get there without being discovered we may have a chance” 
Yeah, no. Daret was important for exposition reasons and some level of grounding, absolutely nothing else. Eragon wanted to hunt down the ra’zac for revenge. They weren’t fleeing for their lives with master-class hunters right on their trail. (Brom wouldn’t be half this confident if that were the case). 

37:02 “Or worse, Razacs” 
Ra’zac is already pluralized; since it refers to the pair of them. It’s like moose. No s needed. 

37:22 Shot of the Ra’zac watching Saphira take off
At Eragon’s current ability, they have every reason/resource to take him out right here. The fact that they do absolutely fucking nothing is…. Stupid. 

38:05 “Urgals. They used to be the king’s enemies, now they’re his guard.”
"Yes, but also no!"

38:11 “They’re closer to us than I thought, we better stay off the roads.” 
You are 100% aware that you’re being hunted by ra’zac and you were going to just use the damn roads? Not only is this inaccurate to the books (Urgals are not “patrolling the roads”), but it also makes Brom seem very forgetful. *pssst. U were already hiding. That’s why we’re whispering behind a boulder?* Side bar, is them glimpsing a few poor travelers getting their cart tossed around a substitution for the massacre at Yazuac? Because that is NaHt a substitution for Yazuac. 

38:21 “Why can’t we take them?” // “You’re not ready to take anything yet.” // *grabs shoulder* “I have skills. I can fight. My cousin and I; we’ve trained.” // *Brom looks at Eragon like he’s a toddler explaining the meaning of life* :0 // Eragon clarifies, “With swords.” // *Brom smiles, pure mischief* “Maybe I’ve underestimated you.”
XD Plus one point for making me actually laugh, even though people are being murdered in the background. Honesty, Irons is soooo good at that sassy old man schtick and it’s why I love him as Brom (all the stupid plot holes, lines, and moments aside). Oh, but this dialogue also involves Eragon directly saying that he and Roran “have trained” ….. So, yeah good-will gone. Also, we’re totally not going to circle back to the murder victims at all, are we? …. No? Ok, cool. 

39:00 *the stick fight* 
“Brom was not gentle with his stick.” (Eragon, #). … I have no more to say about this, decent scene, good chemistry (if a tad awkward), good to see Brom… Brom-ing, for lack of better word. 

39:44 “Brisngr.” 
In the book, Brom’s sneaky use of magic was in gale force winds and disguised as a curse, which is why Eragon didn’t pursue the matter at the time. He has no reason to whisper it (perfectly audibly) in a calm forest. Eragon immediately notices how strange the event is and asks about it, and when Brom evades him he’s even more suspicious. 

40:13 “...slipped through Daret unseen. Then it’s the foothills of the Beor Mountains and a straight shot… to the Varden.” 
….. so, ok… this explains my earlier word confusion, but apparently I over estimated the film again. I understand that directors and writers are busy people, maybe they don’t have time to read a whole book themselves. But… a map is just a picture.  They couldn’t be bothered to look at a picture??? And the travel is all done by montage anyway, so you can have Brom say literally anything here. “It’ll be a really long walk to the Beors!” and then some of those sweeping nature shots we love so much! Tada, no extra money spent and no pissed-off nerds! 

Aside from all the other points…. And the fact that Brom explicitly tells Eragon that going “straight” to the Varden would be a very bad idea before he’s ready, and even then he only discusses it after Eragon eavesdropped and learned more about him anyway.  Movie Brom is pushy as hell, and it comes off very wrong. 

40:27 *Horses galloping through water.*
Where the hell are they?? All the streams and rivers in this area are depicted pretty thoroughly, and I don’t remember them needing to cross basically any of them this way? I guess, might just be a random tributary/brook …. But like…. Why do this at all? Watsonian: Wow, the tree line is very far from the river’s edge here! Plenty of room ro ride safe and dry! So why are we splashing??? Doyelist: Getting costumes, props, horses wet for a scene that isn’t even relevant to anything?? I bet your crew loved that. 

40:53 *Eragon dreams Arya sending the “stone”* 
We interrupt your regularly scheduled horse montage for this…. Scene you just watched! Nice. This also annoys me for a much pettier reason. 

To be fair, they didn’t know that this would be literally impossible… .but like… it is. We finally find out in Inheritance that Eragon’s vision of Arya in prison was a guiding hand from Vroenguard.  He sees her as she was in that moment, not as she would have been in the past. (magically viewing the past is explicitly not possible. We learn about elven scholars that tried and died in Eldest ). 

Also, Brom shakes him out of the vision which means he fully fell asleep on horseback (not an easy feat). How hard have they been riding exactly??? 

41:11 “We’re at the village of Daret. We’ll leave the horses here. Keep Saphira close.” 
Love that they just dismount and do shit all for their horses (because that’s how that works, obviously). :P Brom was opposed to Saphira getting too near the first town they entered in case she’d be spotted. He relented after the shit show at Yazuac; better she be close if there was an emergency. 

So either he thinks there might be trouble about to go down or he doesn’t care if she’s seen. And if he thinks they might be in danger… why are they proceeding on foot? 

41:25 Daret’s Design. 
I don’t really care if they want to add extra details to a town that’s pretty scantly described. What I dislike is “River Town” being taken to a fuuully literal place, and then assembled from sticks, like some Beaver Lodge episode of extreme home makeover. 

Also, gotta put this in somewhere; iN tHe BoOkS when they rode into Daret, the whole town jumped to the defensive because of the recent Urgal migrations/other strange shit. These people are just calmly living their lives, despite the brutal attack we just saw??  

42:19 *Murtagh is following him* 
Our boy is supposed to still be hiding in an estate near Dras Leona. Again, why include elements that aren’t supposed to be there, while also excluding so many things that are?? 

42:41 What the fuck did they do to poor Angela YwY 
They did my girl so dirty in this movie. Angela is a long-time fan favorite; the kind of character that has to be treated with at least cursory respect, lest the fandom descend upon you like a real ra’zac would a hapless sacrifice. She’s eccentric in the most genuine way; just fucking weird ( to the point of being off-putting) and unbothered with what anyone else may think about it. She’s sassy, funny, wise, helpful, mysterious… cool! And, even though she’s outrageously knowledgable and skilled, she hides it behind a completely unassuming exterior; unruly curls, simple dress, the moniker of “herbalist” despite being a witch, mage, fortune teller, (and, according to some facets of the fandom, a whole-ass time lord). She’s simultaneously a power unto herself and also just some weird old lady. With a dope werecat companion. 

What does the movie do? 

Barbie-levels-of-beautiful woman bedecked in gold chains introduces herself in a breathy whisper,“Do you wish Angela to read your fortune?” ……………… She has none of the charm, none of the humor, none of the interest of her namesake. And why the fuck is she in Daret??? Is everything just in Daret now??? The least interesting town in all of Alagaesia???
Also, they chopped Jeod. That’s sad; I like him a lot. 

42:00 The fortune telling
It has some of the important elements, but completely skips others. It makes reference to a coming death and to Eragon’s life being “tangled”. It completely fails to foreshadow everything else that happens (Arya’s bloodline, Murtagh’s role change, Eragon’s final fate, plus Solumbum’s hint about the Menoa tree and the rock of Kuthian). Plus, I really loved the detail of Angela taking a look at the bones, swigging some alcohol, then offering it to Eragon (who declines). Then she begins the reading and offers again, this time he accepts. Like…. That’s just so fucking real. (I read cards, and I’ve seen more than a few spreads go very much this way XD) 

Also, there’s an even more important thing that’s supposed to happen in this scene: we talk about Selena!! TwT My poor girl, getting disrespected again . They also skipped Brom talking about her, so that’s 0/3 

44:09 *Eragon steps out of “Angela” ‘s hut and right into an Urgal attack. 
…. Yeah, so if this were book Angela I wouldn’t be worried about her. In this case though, maybe we should be? I can’t picture Capt. Windchime back there pulling out wool combs and going apeshit on anyone who tried to mess with her. >.> 

 Also, Eragon, sweetheart…. I get that you’re distracted and her tinkling head piece was a bit noisy, but you really didn’t hear an Urgal getting into ambush position (presumably murdering anyone else who was outside) on this rickety ass bridges with heavy af footsteps??? Aren’t you a hunter who’s on the run??? Like…. There’s being “caught by surprise” and then there’s being totally brain dead. #Movie_Eragon_is_a_Blonde

44:20 “The fortune teller!”
Proof number 937 that no one on this project read the damn book. Eragon never told Brom about any part of his reading. He asked Saphira if he should, and she advised that if he started asking him about some things, he’d want to know where he heard the information and end up asking for more than Eragon really wanted to share.) 

44:23 “Where has everybody gone?” 
Brom…. You just killed an Urgal. You have noooo idea what could have happened to the people who were outside two seconds ago??? ……. Dude. You were outside ! You have even less of an excuse the blondie over there! 

44:45 Fight scene in Daret. 
….. So we can have blatant artificial lighting right next to excessive diegetic lighting in a scene where basically nothing is happening….  (see my candle complaints) ,... but in a whole ass fight scene , with TORCHES EVERYWHERE (On stick bridges supporting the entire town btw, my word what a death trap that would be) the scene is dark as fuck???? Why???? Is it just so that Eragon using magic will look extra cool in the darkness, because if so that is a flimsy excuse. Why choreograph a fight scene that no one can see??? Some poor stunt guy spent a lot of work on that TwT then you shoot it in total blackness and splice it with so many jump cuts that a viewer has no clue where anyone is. Which is a shame, since some of it is actually kind of neat. The hand through the planks thing is cool (doesn’t make very much sense, but it looks cool). 

45:00 “BRISINGR!”
Whoa, ok, the moment we’ve all been waiting for! And…. yeah, the vibe is very different here. Personally I like the “ even though he’s cornered and definitely about to die, squaring his shoulders, standing tall, and kind of divinely inspired using what (he, in context, believed to be a curse) which in turn accidentally unleashes a massive bolt of fuck you code:blue” …. But panicked scrambling works too I guess.

And there’s no sickening massacre for Eragon to confront... So that steals some of the “potency” from this brush with death. Not that I particularly want to see a baby on a spear…. But the  “horror of war” elements are one of the things that set this series apart from it’s other age-range contemporaries. Strip those away…. And we reach more and more generic-ness. 

Also… Brom is conscious here, so why is he doing shit all??? True, he would never have jumped straight to magic (for many, many reasons) but if it was that or let his son die , He would think of something! Shit, break the bridge beneath your enemies’ feet! Would stop them cold, take minimal energy (I mean really, those sticks look pretty pathetic), give you plenty of time to escape, and you'd still have plausible deniability!! “bridge wasn’t strong enough to support a dozen charging urgals!” So… plus 18 uselessness points to movie Brom. 

 And he vaporizes said bridge?? …. You know what, I don’t get paid enough to do the math on that XD All the other weird changes to this confrontation made executing this in a similar vibes completely impossible. It’s not the worst thing, but it’s not very good. NEXT. 

Ps: anyone who wasn’t murdered by urgals will probably now burn to death. So…. Brom being irresponsible with fire count: 3 

Eragon being irresponsible with fire count: 2

Chapter Text

45: 53 “My hand, it burns.” 
No, it doesn’t. It glows, and sometimes it itches. I wonder where they could have gotten that inspiration from…. >.> 

46:11 “What’s that?” // “Magic.” 
Eragon correctly guesses that he used magic in the book, which forces Brom to explain. Here, exposition-sama just dishes out another spoonful while blondie is still confused af. 
Another book moment that is 10000x better with zoomed out context. You’re Brom, traveling with your secret son. He’s not ready to use a big boy sword yet, let alone learn magic, and he is most DEFINITELY not ready to learn to subtleties of non-verbal magic. Then you find out that he used blue fire to murder some Urgals and you completely flip out on him, talking about how reckless and dangerous it is. (book Brom gets mad as heck at first). Shit shit shit I haven’t taught him any of the ancient language! If he panicked and used magic without words at all, then we’re going to go straight from sparring with sticks to the most difficult and dangerous kind of magic--- “Oh, I repeated that word  you said the other night; “brisngr”???” oh thank fuck. “Yes! Words! Very important, that is for sure the most important thing about magic hahaha…. “ (and then Brom cools off a little bit). Just a theory, probably a coincidnece,  but I am very attached to it. 

46:18 “Magic comes from dragons” 
"Y'know, it's amazing. You are 100% wrong. I mean, nothing you sad has been right!" Kermit the Frog, Great Muppet Caper

46:26 “It flows through the riders who command them” 
I’m sorry…. Did this motherfucker just say “command” in reference to skulblakan???? Did this --last bastion of the riders, founder of the varden, man who is still grieving the loss of his literal soulmate-- just imply that dragons are tools??? Because this kind of language is NEVER handled idly in the books, especially by riders. The few times a dragon is casually disrespected in dialogue (always by a lay person who doesn’t know any better) it is made a point of, either to their face or behind their back. Not even Galba-fucking-torix speaks that disrespectfully of dragons, and he has literally enslaved the souls of a few hundred of them!!! 
Every time the movie does some shit like this, it takes me right the fuck out of aaany investment I’ve managed to phone in. I don’t know where we are or who this character is, but we are not in Alagaesia and THAT is not Brom. 

46:40 “Did I kill them?” // “Yes.” // *Eragon grins* // “But death is nothing to celebrate.”
Another total reversal of a conversation in the book. Eragon goes out of his way to avoid killing some Urgals and Brom berates him for not just taking them out cleanly. Eragon is sickened by this since it seemed “extreme” under the circumstances. Brom essentially calls him childish and determines that he needs more practical training. Eragon is not gleeful about taking life-- any life-- and Brom is the last person to be like “it’s time to be sad for our fallen enemies”. Plus, this whole thing sets up his later argument with Murtagh, which is pretty important for explaining their differing mindsets/experiences. 

47:00  Rule(s) of Magic. 
They explain the first rule of magic just fine… skip the other two though. That’s pretty damn important :P 

47:44 “trevom… k’veister” 
…… I promised myself I wouldn’t go down research rabbit holes…. I promised myself I wouldn’t…… DAMN IT, I’LL BE RIGHT BACK. *elevator music* OK. so, it appears that, on CP’s own website, “tree” and “branch” are accepted as canon. So mote, it be. But the subtitles on the movie spell both of them incorrectly :p Also, this section of the book includes words that Brom teaches Eragon that do not appear in the movie, one of which is literally referring to a specific kind of plant >.> So that’s a bit silly. 

47:53 “And when a dragon and rider are truly one, then they see as one… and that’s skulblakas ven.” 
Another misspelling, if I’m not mistaken. Going forward, I’m just not going to trust the subtitles >.> (To be fair, by the time this movie got to a subtitlers desk I think it had already received the “hot garbage” stamp from the fandom.  
Okay, so he’s describing a cool scene from the book here… but it isn’t really given weight outside of that one moment? It’s neat and all, but it’s never given a fancy name or even addressed by anyone but Eragon and Saphira to one another.
I think taking these moments of deep intimacy and making them more “important” also makes them less personal… which wouldn’t be that bad if intimacy wasn’t the whole fucking point of them. 

48:31 “Are you ready to try again, dragon rider?” 
This was most decidely NOT phrased as a question in the book. “Tomorrow you will ride me, not that pitiful deer-animal you call a horse!” She was not coy and playful about it; it was as serious sore spot than Eragon was terrified of flying with her. It was also one of the few times in the entire series that Saphira was insecure. But again, this movie does not give one single fuck about character development so :P 

48:45 “You can thank Brom for the saddle” 
Ok, did the saddle crafting scene deserve to be cut from the movie? Of course, we have waaay too much to get through to justify it. But I really loved the vibe of that scene. “Pay attention, you may have to do this yourself someday” (said like the picture of a father teaching his kid how to make/fix a thing). They don’t get a lot of time together in the grand scheme of things, so the few scenes where he gets to actually act like a parent are very special <3 Less a complaint, more me being nostalgic… but whatever, this is my document. 
Also, the knots to keep him in place are conspicuously absent. And it looks molded and fancy, explicitly not the kind they made (they went out of there way to explain that fact). 

49:20 The flight
Ok….. nice thing first….. Is it grand on the scale of what we’d expect today? No. But dragons doing dragon shit is always +10 cool. I don’t make the rules. :P 
This movie really cannot make up its mind on if people are out loud speaking or mentally speaking their lines. They keep showing mouths moving, and the echoey sound effects seem to cut in and out at random? It gives the impression of them both saying and thinking things, which in canon is described as super disorienting. Stop having people shout on dragon back, it gives me “bug-swallowing” anxiety. 

 
50:10 “Even from the tail.” 
The one (1) time that Eragon takes himself out of the saddle mid-fight, Saphira rips him a new asshole for nearly getting himself  killed. He also gets a pretty gnarly bruise for his efforts (and uses it to win a bruise-off against Roran). He proceeds to never do something like it again. It is most certainly NOT her idea.  

50:20 “It’s easy, I can do this” *STANDS* 
I can just picture an elder watching over new riders on their first flights having to loudly state, “Do not stand on your partner’s back mid-flight.” He thinks it’s ridiculous that he even has to say it; who would ever be dumb enough to UNSTRAP themselves from their saddle and stand their ass up on dragon back?? The wind resistance alone would make balancing impossible, never mind the neck spikes they could impale themselves on, or the fall to their all-but-certain death! 
That elder is turning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken. 
*there is a non-zero chance that Brom and/or Morzan were the exact kind of students that needed this told to them more than once. Even then Morzan still broke a wrist trying it out at low altitudes* 

50:42 “Skulblaka sven!” 
Yeah, so that’s not a spell. It’s just a thing they can do when their minds get really close. His eyes don’t magically change… and it didn’t make reality briefly look like the old WB intros under a sepia filter. Blues were meant to be more intense, with greens and reds more subdued (something even outdated phones can now do with a simple slider, btw) 

50:57 “Watch this!” *dragon vision go zoom*
Oh, she also has aura whisper. Dope.  Laas Yah Nir

51:30 “razacs!” 
Why would they attack during the day, on foot, and not by surprise?? Even so, any fight between Eragon and the Ra’zac at this point would be veeeeery one-sided, even with Brom there. 

51:39 *swoops under treeline* 
Well that’s a terrible idea. “Trees to close for wings” is an actual quote from this very book… so. Yeah. And would ya look at that, Eragon gets knocked off her back by a dude dive-bombing him out of a tree (which wouldn’t have happened if he’d been properly strapped in and they were at a more reasonable altitude) and then she crashes horribly to the ground. Shocking. Did Eragon just strangle a razac with a tree branch? …. I mean, fuckin’ metal at first glance (and also very Tarzan :P) but like…. I don’t think that would hurt either version of these creatures. In the book, they’re strong enough to just break the branch, and in the movie, they’re magical bug mummies! 

52:16 Brom vs Ra’zac fight
Uhm… no? This never happened. Also, he’s using zar’roc when he’s supposed to have his own sword? In previous scenes I think he was using a staff (which is correct) so where is that now OR where was the sword then??? And then they’re both just dead??? Cool, cool, it’s not like this movie was ever going to get a sequel anyway, fuck canon now, amiright? Side bar, yet another fight scene that is mostly in shadow despite massive rays of sunlight everywhere. Very inconsistent. 
And then there’s a very aggressive glint along zar’roc’s blade for… no tangible reason? Yes, when Brom gives zar’roc to Eragon he mentions a glint of light running along the blade as he examines it….. Also, zar’roc’s hilt has a red stone, the metal is gold wrapped in silver wire, the sheath is the wrong color and the glyph is missing from both it and the blade. 

53:08 “Better to ask forgiveness than permission.” 
See, I’m fuckin’ psychic. 28 ish minutes later, my prophecy comes true~ And it was in a contrived, pointless scene that basically only existed to create this gotcha moment! Double psychic. He’s not yelling at you that you “broke the rules” he’s yelling at you that you almost died, dumbass. The line works in /neither/ context! 
That said, I do enjoy the look Brom gives Eragon here: The fuck you just say to me, you sassy little shit? I think I’ve just been working at this so long that I’m clinging to whatever humor I can YvY 

53:22 “Your duty is to reach the varden alive” 
More like “survive in general” but whatever. 

53:35 “I thought we agreed not to lie to each other” *Brom’s palm reveal* 
…….. Yeah, I would LoVe to see book Eragon grab Brom’s wrist, slice through his glove, reveal one of his secrets against his express wishes, and demand explanations. I’m sure that would go very well for him, no pitfalls at all. Aside from the fact that this old man can still absolutely whoop his ass, he’s being rude as hell, and this is not how you treat your elders young man >.> Plus, movie Brom has had “is totally a rider” painted across his forehead for quite a while now (ok, so did book Brom, but like… at least there they tried to make it subtle!) 
And they show Saphira accepting it and realising it alongside Eragon. Which, as I’ve already said, is wrong. She knew the whole time, she just kept it secret for Brom’s sake.( Especially since I’m asuuuuming, what with Eragon passing out and stuff that the movie has passed the point in the book where Saphira learns the other big secret about Brom and promises not to reveal it.) 

53:50 “Not anymore” // “Where’s your dragon?” 
Oooof…. Eragon, sweetie, you have got to work on your people skills. When someone says some cryptic shit and tries to walk away dramatically, just assume it’s really really bad. 

54:16 “She was murdered by another rider with this sword.” 
I don’t believe it’s ever addressed in canon how Saphira I died or who commited the act…. But I think making Morzan the perpetrator makes a lot of sense, both thematically and logistically. It was him that Brom wanted to take down most, of course. And then he gets some tangible revenge. An example of a positive addition! Good job movie~~~~ Even though it does lean heavily into the “dragons die if their riders die” thing… which makes it suck again. Yay, cycles of optimism and disappointment! And it surgically removes the story of Brom fighting Morzan to re-steal Saphira II’s egg. :P 

56: 30 “Bring me his blood, I said.” 
Nope~ You said head. Movie cannot even keep it’s own continuity~~~ Nice. 
I just noticed something; Durza is supposed to have pointed teeth, isn’t he? I don’t  think it’s that much a of a problem, since that’s one of those things that’s easy to make really scary in a book but really hokey in a production. The eye color though… that’s just wrong. And it’s even more noticable since the urgals all have fantasy eyes…??? Just weird.  

56:50 Durza to the Urgal
*finger gun of death*
Also, non verbal magic again. What killed him??? If it was one of the ten death words, why touch him at all?
 

57:23 “I’ll bring the boy to me” *nail drip* 
So no one except Saphira and Brom knew that Eragon was getting visions of Arya. Durza has no reason to suspect that harming Arya (more) would make Eragon miraculously show up. And the vision he gets is her…. Twirling in a forest??? ……. Nevermind the massive distance involved? (one of those rules of magic Brom forgot to teach btw).  Introduces ‘herself’ as “Arya, Princess of Ellesmera” (gag)… a fact about herself that she told absolutely no one ever, even Durza might not know this shit. Speaking of…. So, Durza is the one passing on this message, through Arya, directly into Eragon’s mind?? (Even though he never managed to break Arya’s mind, she says this explicitly). 
In a word; no. if had the ability to get into Eragon’s head to begin with, he could insta-kill him with magic/paralyze him mentally. This scene is the stupid spinkles on top of the stupid cake and I need another stupid break TwT 

58:32 “Gil’ead is in the opposite direction. We can’t start going back, we’re almost there!” 
[this point requires multiple images that I made/edited, and that's gonna take me some time to get around to. forgive me.]

*sigh* ….  Time for another episode of, “Teach us Lilly-Sensei!” 
Upper left is where they just were!
Lower right is where they’re going! 
Big red arrow points to where Arya is!  
You aren’t remotely close to the Varden! (if you were, you’d be in the middle of a desert) and Gil’ead is most certainly NOT in the opposite direction, it is right in front of you!! And sure, in the book Eragon suggests looking for his “mysterious dream woman” and Brom totally does laugh him off…. But then he gets murdered a few chapters later, so… Plus, Eragon doesn’t actually get a choice in whether or not he finds Arya in the end.

59:35 “Your shame is not mine”
Whoooa….. That cuts waaaaay deeper than the situation calls for. Nevermind the fact that Brom is 300% correct here >.> (And I am very sure Arya would agree whole heartedly. She’s been captured, tortured, sacrificed everything in her life so that Saphira could hatch as a free dragon… and this kid is about to stroll up to a prison occupied by a shade on purpose.) 
Although, book Brom never made mention of how he “felt” about killing Morzan (and presumably also his dragon since the dumb “connected fates” thing is movie only). But he doesn’t strike me as the sort to wallow over something he devoted his life to. Once Morzan made the choice to become a traitor, his fate was sealed in Brom’s eyes. So book Brom wouldn’t even flinch at the jab… but he’s not here, so it’s still brutal as hell. 

59:44 “You forgot what it means to be a dragon rider” 
And, clearly, you have yet to learn! You’ve been at this for like… a week tops between the growth spurt and skipped arcs.:P 

59:49 “Please don’t, Saphira. I’m the Rider and I say we go!” 
PLEASE sass a dragon this way, I dare you. Alexa, search, “How to get flambéed: ASAP.”  If she genuinely didn’t want to, nothing on heaven, earth, or the multitudes of hells would have persuaded her. “I’m the one with the wings, and I say watch the attitude! I swear, I will turn myself around right this minute mister!” 
Again, it’s that fundamental misunderstanding of how being a rider works. >.>

1:00:24 “We can’t truly be together until I become as strong as you!”
What does that even mean??? Nothing? Oh, ok good. Dumb line is dumb. And movie cuts away immediately after.

1:00:32 *ye olde boxers, cloaked stranger joins the marching guards
That’s silly~ And why are they black?? Black fabric was the most expensive to make, no one but the wealthiest people could have black clothing, and even they would never use it for underclothes (black dyes were also traditionally very fugitive [prone to running/staining things around them) A line of prisoners in clean, deep-black shorts??? Purely ludicrous. 
And, of course, randos off the street just follow lines of prisoners into a jail all the time. Completely expected. Such sneak, very stealth. 

1:00:47 *mesh masked whisperers* 
…. What the fuck was that??? No really… what the fuck was that?!

1:00:49 The fact that Murtagh is already following him
Wow. That’s impressively stupid. Think about this for a second; why the fuck would Murtagh be here???? He ran away from Uru’baen, found out he had to leave his hiding spot, heard rumors about a rider. In the movie, he successfully crossed paths with said rider in Daret. But Brom and Eragon have no reason to go to Gil’ead. Plus, Eragon flew there; how the fuck did Murtagh keep pace with him?? And why would he sneak into one of the king’s most secure prisons just to follow a dude he hasn’t even met? That’s impressively dumb.

1:01:21 Floor grate hearths
I’m not an expert on medieval architecture… but this feels a little silly. At the veeeeery least it’s YET ANOTHER unnecessary fire hazard. And why are there like eight of them in a circle?? 

1:01:47 Using the stupid eye spell again. 
Hilariously, the book has a spell that translates to “traverse stone and let me hear” …. But “traverse stone and let me see” was beyond them, huh? Had to go with “dragons can see through walls, duh, and riders can see like dragons!” ……. I’m just so tired.

1:01:59 “Marmort” 
Nope. I scrolled through every “m” word on the sight and got nothing even close. Maaaybe it was supposed to be malmr (metal)??? But, even so, we have a word for “open” so…. That’s irritating. And the spinning lock mechanism is dumb. And having a spell caster-- even a drugged up and dying one-- in a cell that can be opened with magic is dumb. (and if you only have it that way to lure eragon deeper into the prison, why is stopping him before he actually reaches Arya out of the question??? There is not a single job that Durza has done successfully. 

1:02:05 “You shouldn’t have come.” 
Movie Arya is awake long enough to have dialogue, as opposed to book arya who decided to enter her trance immediately ( hope for the best and prep for the worst). And the way she says is it is very odd too. Book Arya would have been PISSED, not just worried. 

1:02:28 (rumbling whoosh) Durza vs Eragon rd 1: fight! 
Eragon charges at a shade after a single insult. Brain-dead would be too high a compliment; that implies he had a brain to begin with. Book Eragon knew he needed to stall Durza so Murtagh’s brilliant exit strategy could play out, movie Eragon had literally no plan at all for dealing with the shade. 
Durza is apparently able to do the smoke trick at his convenience, including fazing through a sword strike like he’s got Kamui or some shit (though if he did have the mangekyo sharingan, his eyes would be the right color.) 
Then he… gestures grandly, vibrates some axes for style points, and hurls them limply at Eragon without using the AL (we have words for thrust, throw…. they, again, chose none of them). 
Eragon has received essentially no training since he learned how to use magic, as evidenced by a single flare of fire nearly knocking him off his feat. 
Then Durza hurls a spear at him… and Brom manages to leap in front of it. So he still gets the heroic sacrifice…. But here it’s basically meaningless! In the book, he was bound and drugged; becoming a human shield was the only move he had left, and even that took all the fighting fire he had. Here…. There were so many fucking options that it hurts me. Also, how did he manage to catch up to Eragon and Saphira after they flew off??? Did he also just walk into the prison unhindered? How shitty are these guards?? 
And then they let Eragon shoot Durza?? Why is Murtagh even fucking here then?? So he could shoot one random dude and make eye contact with Eragon? Lame! 
And Arya is still conscious but isn’t doing anything??? Wild. 

1:05:17 Catching up/I’m too lazy to make several separate bullet points for a few lines of dialogue) 
So we’re post escape, Arya is holding Brom’s head on her lap. And Brom is still expositing about shades on his fucking death bed (because that’s so much better than the emotional confessions and last bit of advising…. )Arya makes a face when Eragon mentions the Varden? Bad take maybe? And Brom hands off zar’roc now instead of waaaaay earlier. (speaking of, what sword was Eragon using??? Because he definitely didn’t have one in Daret or during the razac fight)

1:05:56 “I need you” // “No, Eragon. It’s I who’ve always needed you.” 
Aw, that would be sweet if it was in any way justified by the rest of the film. But it isn’t, so…. It totally falls flat. 

1:06:12 “Take care of Saphira. Without her, you’ll find that life is hardly worth living.” 
One of the only accurate (in spirit, timing, and delivery) book quotes, and I’m frankly relieved. This is very important to the series as a whole (I mean, pretty much every rider we meet has some relationship with this sentiment. The antagonist was driven mad by it, two of the mentors fight through it to fulfill their duties, the anti-hero/anti-villain is willing to put himself through hell to avoid it, and the protagonist is fighting to avenge/prevent it) Congrats movie, you have located the point! First time in the past hour TwT 

1:06:40 Eragon’s attempt at healing
In the book, he just didn’t know enough to heal the interior damage. Here, it’s a matter of power. By the rules of magic in this world, once you release a spell it will suck up all the juice it needs until either the task is done or you’re dead. There is no bailing halfway through if you overestimate yourself. Eragon would have died here, and Brom probably would have still gone out with him. 

1;07:40 “Let him die with pride, as a Dragon Rider.” 
So, in context this is probably a waste of time that could very easily get them discovered and murderd (once they fled Gil’ead in the book, it was a mad-dash for the Hadarac with soldiers nipping at their heels the whole way). 
But…. 
I fucking love this scene. The one and only thing that movie did better. The peace on his face makes me cry every damn time. I refuse to be mad about it. 

1:07:59 Brom’s Funeral
The grave is the wrong shape to start. I wouldn’t normally care, but after Saphira turns it to diamond it’s a distorted, fragmented mess to look at. You can’t actually see Brom very well at all, which kind of undermines the “comfort from looking at his peaceful face” thing the book had going for it. They don’t let Eragon give him his epitaph either, which is a shame because it’s very sweet, and him changing it later was kind of precious.
Tiny nitpick, Saphira says, “I can’t breathe fire, but I can do this for Brom” ….. Ok? I can’t whistle but I can bake a cake??? These skills are not remotely related. Also, she didn’t “breathe” it to diamond in the book >.> that looks silly. She just tapped it with her nose. 

1:08:35 “Who will remember him?” // “Many people will. Because of you”
Born in Narda to Holcomb and Nelda, chosen rider of Saphira I, student of Oromis Elda and Glaedr, elf friend, founder of the varden, beloved of Selena, rescuer of Saphira II’s egg, Terror to the Forsworn, one of the only two riders to survive the fall, Slayer of Morzan, storyteller, and finally master and father to Eragon Shadeslayer and Saphira Brightscales. 
Eragon is only one of the many many things that Brom contributed to the world. Arya knows this much better than Eragon himself. Simple re-write: 
“Who will remember him?” 
“Everyone he spent his life protecting; especially you.” 

1:09:30 *Durza does thing far away, now Arya is falling over* 
….. Nope. She was unconscious the whole time, self induced to slow the spread of a poison in her blood. What’s the angle here? This is, emphatically, not how Alagaesian magic works, full stop. And it has to be magic, because long-distance poisoning is even more ridiculous. “The shade has poisoned her” Oh, we are going with poisoning? …. That’s unfortunate.
And please stop zooming in on the extra-evil pointed nails XD 

1:10:02 *hand touch head, magic map quest* 
Ya don’t need to touch him to communicate mentally. No one else has through the rest of the damn movie! 

1:10:10   *thump, roll laugh* 
He’s beauty and he’s grace, he’s Mr. Grouchy face~~ Enter our boy! Another fan favorite character, deserves peak attention to detail and vibes. How are they going to fuck this one up? 
*Murtagh starts laughing, Eragon whips out zar’roc and points it in his face, he laughs even harder*
Well that answers my question pretty soundly, as a matter of fact. His book reaction to just seeing this sword again was instant distrust, anger, and a few pointed questions. I mean, the damn thing has been hurled at him and weilded by his literal nightmare fuel; there is no laughter here. Even if falling was funny for some reason, that smile would have died in 0.02 seconds. We are literal moments into this intro and I am already pissed all the way off. 

1:10:18 “This one’s been following us” 
Saphira, if you knew that this whole time… why say something now??? 

1:10:22 “All my life I dreamed of dragons” 
…. Nope~ They weren’t “dreams” for him. They were very, very real, and not in a good way. 

1:10:27 “I’m Murtagh, and you need me, dragon rider” 
….. Explicitly not how the author pronounces his name, but it is how I say it in my day-to-day….(dun dun duuuuun, I know, shameful).  I am legally obligated to not bitch about this. But if I could, I would. If anything I’m bitter that this movie ruined my brain before I ever got a chance to pick up the books. 
*Update, I got the chance to attend a signing where a fan asked him point-blank about the pronunciation and he said that both are fine. My heart is healed. 

1:10:32 “You seek the Varden. I know the mountains; every valley and stream. She’ll suffer if you go astray.” 
*muted screaming from behind a thick pillow* …………… 
Murtagh has noOoOoOo experience whatsoever outside of Uru’baen/surrounding estates aside from fleeing to an estate near Dras Leona, then tracking the ra’zac. He knows jack-fucking-shit about the Beors OR the Spine, so fuck all the way off with “wild man Murtgah” over here. 
He had no idea who Eragon was or what he was up to when he saved him, he just knew that dragons are important and any enemy of the king’s was ok by him. When Eragon revealed that he was going to seek out the Varden, Murtagh ADAMENTLY resisted every single step of the way; he only ended up staying due to a string of bad luck.
And why the fuck is he commenting on Arya’s condition at all??? He doesn’t know why she’s hurt or how, let alone who she is or why going to the varden would help her. He just dropped out the fuckin’ sky, he should know dick-diddly about the situation. 

1:10:48 “My family was slaughtered by the king’s men when I was a boy.” 
Murtagh never bothered to lie in the book. He basically just said “Fuck the king, and my reasons are my own damn business. If that’s cool with you then we’ll be traveling buddies, if not then I’ll just leave and let you die I guess /shrug

1:11:05 “To the Varden it is” 
I seem to recall a certain broody boy who was almost willing to get literally murdered by Urgals rather than go to the Varden….  

1:11:13 “You’ll learn to trust me, dragon rider.” 
XXDDD Murtagh is the LAST mfer to talk about who should and shouldn’t trust whom. He sure as shit didn’t trust Eragon, even when he was in the process of risking his own life to save a practical stranger not once but twice. He is the prickliest, most outspokenly un-trusting person in maybe the whole damn series, right up there with Arya @.@ More to the point, Murtagh doesn’t give a shit! “Listen to me or don’t, that’s your problem.” 
This seems as apt a time as any to toss in one of my favorite Krimson Rogue quotes of all time, “Dear God, what did they do to Murtagh?” (I reference this line much too frequently.) The actual casting is fine and that actor is ok in other things….. But this is not our boy. This man has no relation to our boy. 

1:11:30 *riding through a burned out area* 
Where the fuck are they??? Post Gil’ead they don’t pass through a single settlement because they’re being hunted by soldiers, so this would have to be the remnants of a forest fire?? You know what…. I’m too tired. I am just too damn tired. 

1:11:52 *nature travel montage: number whogivesafuck* 
I’m so distracted by the lack of Hadarac that I don’t even care how pretty the nature is… Or why they’re going from scorched earth, to scenic fields, to  rambling cliffsides, to walking through a stream with no context for how or why any of these places connect… even Neverending Story did better than this, and that’s a world literally built off of imagination; it doesn’t have to make sense. Whatever…. I have been beaten into submission through sheer, relentless ignorance. 

1:12:00 “We’ll have to go by foot from here” 
So, again, the horses aren’t just travel vessels in the book. Murtagh is especially attached to his, since it’s named after his (recently deceased) foster-father (a point which would have been explained). Speaking of, since we did all our travel by montage, we skip them sparring together, the slavers, pretty much all of their friendship development. . . . so that sucks. 

1:12:08 “But hurry, the Urgals are closing in” 
Don’t just drop that detail like you mentioned it before this very second, because you certainly did not! This is another small change that I’m actually fine with (Having them be pursued straight from Gil’ead to the Varden rather than escaping only to be spotted again by accident) just stream lines a lot of things. However, this wasn’t actually said at any point. They were talking about going to the varden, then Arya fell, then Murtagh showed up. 

1:12:27 *Murtagh grabs Zar’roc and kills an urgal* 
Rule of cool vs canon/common sense. Lean towards coolness when it isn’t distracting or directly contradictory to the established canon. Murtagh has his own damn sword, and it’s, AGAIN, kind of important for later plot points that it is mentioned, described in detail, and Eragon is familiar with both blade and weilder. 
Is it neat to see Murtagh holding “Zar’roc” (I didn’t even bother to complain about that)? Yeah, sure, whatever….. But it's distracting as hell. 

1:12:33 *sheathes sword* 
Murtagh, you’re VERY aware that there are more of these mfers, right??? Leave the sword out. If you need to give it back to blondie, fine, but like… no need to sheath it, you’re not toddlers running with scissors. Also, in the book this scene was epic (Urgals everywhere, Eragon and murtagh fighting for their lives, saphira diving into the lake and then exploding out of it….. But we’re going with *slice one dude and then calmly jump into waterfall* huh? ………. That’s disappointing.) 

1:13:07 Coming up on the other side of the waterfall. 
I‘m just going to assume that Orik is one of the characters that’s going to get the Jeod treatment, yes? No mention, no screentime, nothing? ….. Awesome, love that for him, spare the poor man exposure to this horse shit… 
But that’s going to make giving a shit about ANY of the dwarf stuff pretty much impossible. Orik was the gateway to that world, and he’s dope as hell. He’s family to the mc, but not important enough to make the movie? Bullshit. Oh but we can give Sloan a torture scene, and let Durza teleport around all willy nilly and SHOW GALBATORIX without ANY relevance to the damn plot. . . . . . . . #defund the distractions #justice for Orik. 

1:13:18 SPEAK OF THE MOTHER FUCKING DEVIL, hi torix. >.>
Sweet mercful buddha not this clown again…. I’m leaving this bullet point just as a bitchfest about how ridiculous this is. THIS MOVIE HAS NO SENSE OF FUCKING PACING. The book has a some slower spots, some more action-heavy spots, then a life-or death sprint followed by a day or two to catch their breath and then BAM final battle. The movie hops around explaining what all the antagonists are doing when it’s completely fucking irrelevant and it’s timed so that no tension is ever allowed to develop. It’s highschool drama competition levels of bad pacing (the ones who get it, get it and the ones who dont, don’t)

1:13:31 “Your icompetance might work in my favor. The boy has led us directly to the Varden”
He’s known their location for quite some time thanks to his spies. That’s actually a huuuuge running b plot in the book, the signs that someone high up in the varden is a traitor and is sabotaging their supplier, Arya’s route, their location, etc. And that’s a pretty FUCKING important point for the next book so :P 

1:13:48 Torix is giving a speech, Durza is walking backwards until his back hit’s a wall. 
Ok but like…. Again, this is so…. Not their dynamic? Durza is said to be unconcerned about his own safety, and what would taking a few steps backwards actually accomplish anyway? If your boss is mad enough to physically harm you, moving ten inches south of him is not going to help the situation. Is it just blocking to make the scene less boring? Because I have a great way to make the scene less boring; CUT IT. 
Also, poor Malcovich’s monotone, disinterested performance is in NO way earning a “I am so intimidated that I don’t care if I look like a pussy I just have to get away from you asap” kind of reaction from anyone, let alone a shade. It’s like they filmed a dress rehearsal for all of his scenes and just went with that. 

1:14:20 I am Aijihad 
Yes, because leaders of rebel groups routinely great strangers at the door (in full friggin armor btw) especially when they’re totally aware that there’s a high likelihood said stranger will be dangerous and/or magical. I’m not…. Pissed about this casting as far as I can recall….. But, direction/scenery wise, he definitely doesn’t get the impact that book Aijihad got. He is the first leading figure we meet in the series, and this interaction sets the tone for so much of the politicking Eragon must do in the future. I’ll let that rest for a second…. But I’ll be back. 

1:14:29 “Call your beast inside” 
I’m sick of repeating myself. We ball. I hope she eats you.

1:15:25 Arya getting help
Not how the Arya reveal went, not how Eragon trying to get her help was received, Saphira was not automatically trusted, and they most certainly did not seperate from one another. Three seconds, four mistakes. I …… I just can’t anymore. 

1:15:45 Urgal kills varden soldier, second soldier retreats
The Urgals that were pursuing them were all put to death in pretty ruthless fashion in the book. They weren’t an overpowering force on their own. Also, no introduction/explanation of Kull…. So that’s whatever.  

1:16:12 *Murtagh acting sus as fuck, Aijihad obviosly notices* “Seize him!” 
Hey…. dude, you literally offered!! It’s not like you didn’t know that this was going to come up!! That’s stupid as shit! In the books it was justified, here it’s utterly ridiculous. Also, the fact the Eragon fully unsheats Zar’roc and puts the blade length beteen himself and Aijhiad without any of the soldiers so much as touching him, is ABSURD. At least Saphira gets to do something I guess?? (wow, first time in the whole damn movie). 

1:16:34 “He’s with me!” 
I know my points go on and on, but they have shared SIX MINUTES of screen time together and half of them were spent in a travel montage!! 

1:16:39 “He is the son of Morzan” 
In the books, our baby makes a point of letting Eragon know this fact BEFORE they’re standing in front of the Varden leader, and even THEN only because the other options is to get captured/murdered by Urgals. Also, Aijihad noticed because of his voice, not his face…. But whatever, I’ll grant that visuals probably make more sense anyway, especially since Galbatorix makes a point of saying that he looks like his father. Having the info dropped this way means that we won’t get to hear Murtagh’s telling of his past, which is a shame. It’s one of the richest source of information on my baBY GIRL, SAY HER FUCKIng NAME YOU BASTARDS----Okokokokok I’m fine, I’m cool….. 

1:16:52 Murtgah’s Scar
…… wrong place, wrong shape, and what the fuck is that makeup???? LET me take you back in time to point number 33: We see Eragon’s hand. SO ya’ll can do over-detailed scar makeup on a fucking palm of all places, but not on a mfing back for two seconds of screen time??? And only one of these marks is explicitly described as a hideously disfiguring scar! So……. what the fuck, movie???

1:17:06 “Let go of me!” *struggles* 
Murtgah did not do any of that. He was stiff-backed and motionless, resigned and offended… not making a pointless scene. 

1:17:10 “The urgal’s presence here can only mean that the king’s men are not far behind” 
…. *SIGH* let me hit this movie quote with a book quote,  “Our only hope is that Galbatorix has not yet bolstered the Urgals with his own troops.” and he hadn’t (because Urgals are a PR disaster, as Nasuada and co. figure out l8er) 
Literally the E X A C T opposite point being made here. This shit is exhausting. 

1:17:37 Durza close up
Wait… are his eyes the right color now, or is the lighting just really fuckin weird??? 

1:17:52 Eragon’s room.
……… So, I’ve been bitching and moaning about every single scrap of money and time they wasted since the first few seconds of this movie. And THIS is exactly why. I let it go at first, maybe the entrance cavern was left more natural (that’s not world-breakingly wrong) …… But no. Instead of precision mined wonders of the world, perhaps THE most ambitious project of art and engineering ever achieved by a civilization on this continent, a gemstone of legendary scale and craftsmanship, and entire, complex society formed of both refugee/rebel humans and a much older lineage of dwarves……. 
We get rough caves, a handful of humans, and absolutely NO detail in any of it. 

1:17:58 Nasuada’s intro. (pt. 1)
The costumes in this movie started so promising, but they went down hill so very fast. Men’s wear isn’t that egregious…But what the hell is Nasuada wearing??? We only see it from the front for like half a second here, but it’s long enough to make me DEEPLY irritated. Ok…. hold that thought because the scene just switched and I-- 

1:18:06 CANDLE GATE: rd. 3
……… -__- someone please tell me why…there are……dozens of FUCKING CANDLES!!!  just lined up on rocks like this is fucking skyrim or some shit. Except there are also braziers!!! In a low, narrow, frequently-used hallway set at perfect sleeve/skirt/sword sheath bumping height and with absolutely no fucking ventilation anywhere in sight!!!!
And you know what makes this even fucking worse? The actual series didn’t have this fucking problem; it invented a dope magical solution (what’s the point of fantasy/scifi if you don’t use the best fucking part of it????) which are the *VISUALLY STRIKING AND MUCH BETTER AS LIGHTING FOR FILM* Erisdar. They can be any fucking color you want, as bright or as dull as you want, and WON’T BURN ANYONE TO DEATH. You were gift wrapped an opportunity to make this pretty as hell and you DIDN’T EVEN TRY. whoever on this project has the motherfukcing candle fetish I hope you burn your-- REDACTED!  
I’m done, I’m so done… everything about this fucking movie man…. 

1:18:11 Back to Nasuada. 
Whew… sorry…. I needed a nap and a cookie @.@ But back to what I was saying! The actual actress is good, but my issue is more the costuming. 
She’s at least wearing a little of the correct color- red- but the gold brocade, extra long and extremely impractical sleeves… a far cry from the subdued and practical young lady that greets Eragon, with her well-worn dagger at her hip. Plus, the movie adds a lattice of what (after careful re-examination) I can only guess are painted shells or some kind of beads? It has this really aggressive “trying to come off as exotic in a hollywood kind of way” vibe. (Interesting, since it’s a plot point in Brisngr that Nasuada feels disconnected from her culture in terms of her fashion choices, and notices it most when Fadawar comes before her in more traditional dress. Her clothing was/is supplied by the dwarves and by Surda, so it’s noticably out of place that the movie took an opposite approach). Honestly, I could go on for waaaaaaay too long about Nasuada’s canon fashion in particular, since she’s one of the only female characters who get’s their outfits described in study-able detail. 

1:18:34 Tronjheim. 
Laughable attempt, boys. Really quite horrible. At this point, why even try? A cgi cut out of a city on a cliffside and some rickety ass ladders/platforms do not a monument make. There is no sense of grand scale here, no… awe. Side bar, there are flags flapping in the wind (they’re supposed to be beneath a hollow mountain not a tiny crater, so there wouldn’t be wind anyway :P) and they’re flying the wrong symbols? They appears to be black with grey circles and some other details? The varden’s sigil is a white dragon holding a rose on a purple field. 

1:18:36 “They’re afraid of me” 
No, they weren’t. The residents of Tonjheim were nervous about Eragon for all of three seconds before they erupted into cheers! They gave him not a single moment of peace, he was adored from the very first moment (to the point that it caused problems). At most, the dwarves were suspicious and extremely hesitant to get their hopes up. Also, no chance that Elva’s blessing will be included… cool, that’s not important. 

1:18:36 I have more costume questions!! 
More head jewelry? Was their a massive sale on them or something?? First Angela and now half the damn Varden? For the record; veils, head scarves, face coverings, etc. are all perfectly valid directions to take fashion…. But it’s a reeeaally bold visual choice and it in no way adds to the world in this case. Why are they veiled? Do they mean something? If the varden are dirt poor and struggling to survive, why are they decked in jewelry to a one? Why is there at least one person visible in this frame that is in a totally different style of dress??? Are these veiled/masked people in anyway related to Angela/the whispery dudes from before???? My point is, if you’re going to create this broad and aggressive visual divide….. Make it make sense :P The Varden are mostly comprised of normal ass people who had no choice but to flee the Empire (persecution, personal reasons, etc) so making the varden members feel “different” and the place feel normal is a really weird reversal of the vibe here?? Every visual choice made in this whole section of the movie makes me angry. 
If they’re appropriating an existing culture for this nonsensical purpose, it’s gonna take more educated eyes than mine to spot it. (I wouldn’t put it past them though). 

1:19:16 “Your armor is ready for you” 
It's implied here that it was custom-made for Eragon, but it wasn't. It had to be dug out of storage and they were scrambling to make it happen since dwarves don’t typically make armor for humans. 
Also…. I’ve been trying to ignore it…. But are they attempting to imply that shiny-armor-long-beard here is Orik??? Because…. They haven’t given him a name and his costume is distractingly bright compared to the rest of every shot he’s in, and he’s even had some lines? Mostly just exposition but like…. Who are you, strange sparkly man??? 

1:19:38 “You look… fit for battle.” 
What the hell is Arya wearing @.@ A weird, dimpled, breast-hugging cuirass with a stiff back, no waist mobility, a high neckline…. That thing looks like a fucking death trap. And then the elbow length, scallopped cuff, flowing, studded sleeves…Why??? And the metal feathers in her hair are just the cherry on top, dude. She looks like something one of the tributes would wear in the capital parade in The Hunger Games, not like Arya ma-fucking Drottningu.
And Eragon is utterly useless at flirting. (Finally, a book accurate character trait for him lol) 
For the record, Eragon looks a bit silly too…. But I can live with it. 

1:20:22 “Because that is who Saphira chose!” *gestures to reflection* // “I barely even recognize myself anymore” 
 This is funnier than every joke in the movie combined. [insert image here, 3]

1:20:43 “They worked through the night to protect our greatest hope”
Nope, they had dragon armor laying around too. Also, this movie sTrUgGlEs to show the passage of time, so??? It still feels like they just reached the Varden a few hours ago. 

1:20:46 “And our leader who rides her” 
I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact the it’s being said at all, or that it’s Arya saying it. Eragon is explicitly not the leader of anything at the moment. He joined yesterday dude, slow your roll. 
Side bar, we get a good look at the back of Arya’s bun here. Nice modern, floaty curls. Very prom appropriate :P 

1:21:05 Saphira’s Armor
Dragon armor is cool, even when it’s mid. I’m actually making this point because I just noticed the lighting effects on the wall look like water reflections??? Are they next to an underground stream or some shit??? And there’s flowing water out in the crater too…. It’s just so fuckin’ distracting. Tbh, they would have been better off with one of those sounds stages from old kids shows (Land of the Lost comes to mind) I will pick hokey but cool to realistic and shit every time. 

1:21:10 Aijihad and Nasuada walking up to a railing, now in jingly hats. 
Again, if these actually are important to some culture that’s one thing, but it seems unbearably impractical as combat attire. Aijihad looked kinda cool a few seconds ago, so why did they have to do him like this TwT Also, Nasuada and Aijihad have braids now when I don’t think they did before (at least not beaded like that)??? What advantage does that give you in battle??? I don’t hate them visually, it’s just very confusing. Also, other soldiers in this same scene get helmets that look actually protective…. Just saying. 
Aijihad had no idea that Nasuada participated in the fighting until after the fact. She had to sneak back into the ranks. 

1:22:17 *explosion* 
They specifically did not collapse/block the tunnels they they wanted to route the urgals through so that the maximum amount of them would stumble into their traps. 
Just another effect that was totally unnecessary and explicitly contradicts the book.

1:22:32 *Varden soldiers fleeing* 
In the books, the Varden’s initial pushback is actually pretty effective. They definitely didn’t leave a sprinkling of soldiers close to the traps who immediately turned tail and fucked off. That would be totally pointless. 

1:22:46 Saphira: but now shinier! 
That’s not the same armor they just showed us XD They even zoomed in on it all dramatically!!! It’s a totally different shape/finish. 

1:23:10 FOR THE TRAILER!!!! 
Zar’roc didn’t do the stupid glint thing again, saphira’s fire is supposed to be blue, and she doesn’t breathe fire until the very last moments of the battle to distract Durza from murdering Eragon. 

1:22:43 “Into the sky, to win or die!” 
Why are you freestyling dude, there’s a war going on? So cheesy, damn. 

1:23:54 “Fire!” 
Again, too early :P Plus, most of the Varden’s structures are made entirely of lashed together wood so……. 🎶buuurn baby burn!🎶
Eragon being irresponsible with fire tally: 3 (catching up to Brom now!) 

1:24:06 “Let me out!” 
First of all, Aijihad didn’t leave Murtagh imprisoned for the battle, and he most CERTAINLY did not leave him in a wooden cage next to a pond filled with pitch exactly where the battle was going to happen. He let Murtagh out so he could fight alongside everyone else, and our kiddo was determined to prove his intentions (so much so that chapter 1 of Eldest happens). In a court of law, that’s got to at least count as negligent homicide @.@ If I were wrongfully imprisoned and then almost burned alive in a cage, I would be pretty pissed off at the guys who did it, ngl. 

1:24:17 *murtagh bodies burning urgal so hard that the wall pops off* 
Well… that proves you could have broken the stupid cage the whole time. Poor kiddo, can’t even look cool without looking dumb. 

1:24:30 Aijihad fighting
But now sans the silly hat!!! So why the fuck did he need the stupid hat??? 

1:24:37 *triple arrow, perfect aim* 
Archer fires three arrows
Technically possible, but very unreasonable. Especially with unfamiliar equipment and in a combat situation. Buuuuut…. Screw it. We have bigger problems. 

1:24:38 ARYA AGAIN
MY GIRL IS STILL NOT WEARING PANTS. She kicks a blade out of the way and we see straight up her skirt. >.> THE DIRESPECT. 1) Arya is seen almost exclusively in pants at all fucking times!! She wears a dress…. I think once in the whole fucking series, and even then it’s a disguise. 2) SHE’S IN A FUCKING BATTLE WHY IS SHE NOT WEARING any FUCKING PANTS. 

1:24:42 *weird crescent throwing knives* 
Unnecessary :P She’s just a bitchin swordswoman who can also shoot arrows, never given a signature speciallty weapon. Very weird thing to add. 

1:24:55 *Druza walks up with some armored humans* 
Again, no humans on the empire’s side for this battle. And WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE OUTFITS XXXDDD I’m tempted to take back every costuming nitpick from this whole thing… those are the most ridiculous fucking outfits XXDD They look like molded plastic in bright red and deep black, pure cosplay levels of silliness. But other soldiers hald a second later are in (get this) regular mail and red cloth uniforms!! With… cross shields. whatever.  (we don’t see the front of them, but that’s as close to book accurate as we’ve gotten so I’ll fucking take it). 

1:25:17 (Speaking ancient language) Shadow Monster. (aka: the beast). 
Anori Draumr Abr Sundablaka It Ator Virliger (I ripped this straight off the internet, I’m too tired). Anori is out (don’t even know what it may be mis-heard from :P) . Draumr is dream. Abr is of. “Shadowflapper”. I wonder if the next chunk is actually supposed to be“iet ai atra… some word I can’t fathom. Anyone able to scrounge up the script? Whatever. As far as I can tell from skimming CP’s translator site, this is meaningless. He even repurposes the term “sundavblaka” at the end of book four, and now I’m curious if that was a bit of a dig. Like “nono, no smoke dragon monsters. Just weird ass birds.” 
Speaking of…… this is such a waste of energy XD Making/controlling a big ass smoke monster to ride has got to be the most obscene misuse of magic in this whole damn movie (and that’s a pretty impressive shark to jump). I said earlier, rule of cool is all well and good until it directly opposes canon/world building/immersion. This is silly, we all know it’s silly, and it gets righteously memed to hell for it. 
Durza didn’t use magic against Eragon directly at all in the books, because that’s not how mage fights work in the IC. 
Side bar, the inheriwiki describes it as being made of the bodies of the burned empire soldiers? That’s fucking wiiiild. 

1:25:35 Do a barrel roll! 
So, saphira’s tail is what hits the soldier behind Murtagh…. Which leaves me wondering why she needed to spiral to hit the ones in front? If Eragon wasn’t hanging below her, then it would have been her claws instead, which are just as effective?? Also, Murtagh shouts his thanks at a flying dragon on a battle field… which I guarantee no one heard. 

1:26:00 “Come! Taste the blood of your dragon!” 
The dialogue in this movie is agonizing. So close to the end, and yet so very VERY far… 

1:26:10 Jazz hands
Magic in this series doesn’t actually require movement. When it’s used at all, it’s just as a focusing point. So Durza not speaking but waving his hands around is about as frustrating as all the spell-less and wand-less magic rampant in the Harry Potter movies, but at least that’s a soft magic system!! T-T I’ve mentioned it before now, but it needed it’s own separate point. 

1:26:23 “Dark magic”
*wheeeeew* …… I don’t want to unleash a whole ass tirade…. Because, canonically, some magic is referred to as “dark” (connotation: bad). Not creating shadow creatures maybe, but whatever. I know sorcery in general is frowned upon, torix is said to know some pretty nasty tricks, etc…. 
But this is probably my most loathed trope in fantasy, and this movie cranks a very small thing up to eleven for no discernable reason. I can ignore its brief mention in the book, as the rest of the time magic is treated as neutral (just a tool to be used, and the goodness or badness depends on the outcome).
In summary, this bit is a preference thing. If you’re more into the light vs dark vibes, more power to ya. 

1:28:00 “My visions failing!” 
…. So… “dragon sight”  is fine (I guess) as a spell concept…. But, in the prison, we saw the it wasn’t dependent on what Saphira sees (as they were nowhere near eachother). It transforms Eragon’s eyes to look more reptillian, so why does Saphira getting hurt affect the change on his body? 
Inconsistent movie magic is inconsistent, which is extra irritating because the books’ magic was pretty soundly consistent. One of the most loved things about this series is its magic system so…. That was a biiiiiiig fuck up on the movie’s part. 

1:28:38 Fulfilling the tail set up/ YEET PART 2: THE REMIX 
Hell no XXDD At least it looks like they gave him a hand hold or something? But he’s standing on the tip of her tail, holding a sword. 
Then mfer get’s LAUNCHED through the sky and nails a perfect stab through the heart to a moving target in the dark, then stabs him again just for satisfactions points as they plummet to the ground. XD At this point, as long as it ends this movie I do not give a single fuck. R.I.P. Eragon for death number whatever :P  
We miss out on Eragon’s wound, Durza’s backstory, and the overwhelming darkness that requires the soft-intro of Oromis (but, again, by this point we all knew there was no shot of a sequel). 

1:29:16 saphira grabs him out of free-fall
Say it with me, class! “It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop!” He’s gotta be damn close to terminal velocity here, and in full armor colliding with scales?? At least she didn’t fully arrest his momentum, so he might just get whiplashed to hell… and probably puke out his organs >~< 

1:29:31 The fall/slide
Movie nitpick, but they definitely threw this kid at the ground a couple different times and spliced them together, since his position relative to Saphira changes shot to shot

1:30:18 The death fakeout. 
Everyone and their grandma knows this is a series, so this is silly. But, if you’re going to go this route and say “oh yeah, Saphira is totally dying!” and have Eragon finding the strength to heal her be the big moment…. Whatever, we ball. But it cannot be, “just dig deeper, and feel stuff!! You’ll find the strength!” IC magic doesn’t work that way :P Either you have the extra energy or you don’t, full stop. It could have been a “Arya, Murtagh, and all the surviving Varden loan their strength to help save Saphira!” kind of thing, and I would be fine with that (still cheap, but at least that actually maths!) This is dumb for meta reasons and for in-universe reasons. 

1:31:38 Movie forgets to explain why they won. 
Movie doesn’t fill us in on why killing Durza changed a losing battle into a route. Book readers know that he was controlling the urgals against their will. His influence faded after he died, and the varden were able to push them back while they were busy fighting amongst themselves. 

1:32:30 “Some friends can’t be replaced” 
He’s asking if she lived, asshole. That’t the third damn time that the movie tried to say Saphira is gonna be gone 5 ever, TwT …. So stupid. 

1:33:23 “She’s off to Ellesmera” 
Nope, Arya was waiting with the others when Eragon woke up. In the books, it’s her responsibility to transport him safely to Ellesmera, so she can’t go without him. In the movie, she still needs to know if he wakes up in one piece or not, so there’s no point in leaving before he’s on his feet again. 

1:33:34 *cheering Varden* 
Didn’t most of those structures get completely obliterated/incincerated? How long has Eragon been asleep?? How fast can ya’ll build these things??? 

1:33:55 Flags
We get a better look at the banners I was pissed about! And they don’t relate to anything in the series, despite several crests being described. Cool, why bother? Also, why would someone who’s already been hunted down and tortured travel with banners announcing their identity/allegiance flying above her head!! We’re not at sea, you don’t need to communicate with fellow vessels. Sneaky: -3 points. 

1:34:22 Arya again. 
Heeey, she gets to wear pants, I think? Congratulations! Why is she covered in feathers, though? A ring of them on her chest and some in her hair. 

1:34:38 “When will I see you again?” //“...Tomorrow may see us together again” 
Yeah, homegirl would not say aaaanything this encouraging to Eragon at this stage of their acquaintanceship. At most she’s be like “when you’re ready” or some other cryptic thing. 

1:36:24 FADE TO BLACK!!
And it ends with them separating! A bit early for the anti-climax… but whatever! It’s finally over TwT 

1:36:32 Wait… what?? 
Stop teasing me! Just fucking end, damn you!! Ok okok whatever, Torix and his fugly manicure unsheathe a sword (which is definitely not his, but book 4 hadn’t dropped when this came out so whatever) and…. Cutting his own map-estry out of rage??? Weird, but aight. And then the Shruikan reveal! He’s too small, his eyes are the wrong color, his fire is supposed to be black, and why is he behind a tapestry in the first damn place? “Pay no attention to the dragon behind the curtain!” 
But we all know why this scene happened; sequel bait~~ A thoroughly hopeless endeavor, thank fuck. 

1:36:44 Credits. 
Gryphon background for dragon movie. *slow clap* 
Pop song on a fantasy movie (I  hope GOD MALTE continues to get his flowers on the coming projects. Vibes immaculate 👌)