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Tsukiyama's knuckles rasp against the door three times, echoing down the empty hallway. He sighs as the seconds tick, taking a step back from the door. A few moments pass and he crosses his arms, sighing again, softly. He's the one who set up this training, Tsukiyama thinks to himself, lightly tapping his foot to waltz no one else can hear, but he does this almost every time.
“Kaneki,” he calls through the door, one hand reaching to knock once more, “I know you're home—”
Tsukiyama jerks backwards, tucking both arms around himself, as the door flings open suddenly. Kaneki stands there, the barest of a smirk on his face, probably from surprising me, Tsukiyama realizes, before he turns around and walks back into the apartment, leaving the door open.
With a smile, not strained in the least, Tsukiyama uncrosses his arms and follows, shutting the door quietly after them.
“Talkative as ever, I see,” Tsukiyama comments as Kaneki leads them to the sparring room.
“You come the same day, same time, every week to help me train,” Kaneki grunts as they enter the sparring room, nudging a pile of books out of his way, “what is there to talk about?” He turns around to face Tsukiyama as his kakugan flashes, one lone, long tendril beginning to snake out from his back.
“I'm here not even a minute and you're already pulling your kagune on me?” Tsukiyama smirks, his own kagune wrapping around his arm. “Why Kaneki, I didn't know you felt so strongly for me.”
Kaneki's eyebrow twitches before he strikes out in a quick, red flash, only narrowly missing Tsukiyama, who is casually leaning against the wall.
“Now, we've talked about this Kaneki,” Tsukiyama brings up a hand to carefully brush his bangs out of his eyes. “You can't let what anyone says get to you, and don’t forget—” Tsukiyama breaks off before kagune shoots out, but Kaneki easily dodges it.
The purple haired man stands up straighter as he examines his opponent. Kaneki is growing stronger, that much Tsukiyama can tell. Instead of ragged breaths and perspiration on his brow, Kaneki is breathing calmly, expression betraying nothing. In fact, other than the eyebrow movement and slight smirk from earlier, Tsukiyama realized that he could barely get a reading on the once extremely expressive ghoul. The eyes that used to display so much now only stare blankly at whatever, or whomever, is in the way.
"We're done for today," Tsukiyama declares, retreating his kagune as Kaneki stares at him, eyes still despairingly empty.
A beat passes before the half-ghoul speaks.
"Why?" He lets out, face still impassive.
Tsukiyama shrugs, watching as Kaneki carefully recalls his own kagune, as if he expected Tsukiyama to strike as soon as his guard was down.
“You train yourself hard, Kaneki,” the older ghoul starts, “and I know you've kept your mind sharp,” he gestures to the piles of books creating miniature obstacles throughout the room, “but how are you? You rarely say a word anymore.”
“What is there to say?” Kaneki spoke softly, but clearly and evenly, “you're only here to train with me.”
Tsukiyama frowns. “I am your sword Kaneki; you know that I wouldn't be here if I didn't care, right?” The taller ghoul shakes his head. “You haven't even asked how Touka or anyone else is doing.”
“You're here to make sure no one can eat me before you can,” Kaneki brings a hand up to stroke his chin, “and I don't need to know how they are doing. The farther from me, the better.”
Tsukiyama looks away, crossing his arms. “Non, non, you care about them so much you've turned yourself into an unfeeling...”
“Monster?” Kaneki spits out. “Because that's what we are Tsukiyama. Even if I only eat ghouls, I still have to kill to survive—”
“But you aren't a monster Kaneki!” Tsukiyama all but yells, throwing his arms out in exasperation. “I am! You were just a human before all this happened, and you still kept your humanity after everything you went through, but now you're shutting everyone out.”
“Why do you care so much about your next meal?” Kaneki snarls.
“Because you're not a meal for me anymore!” Tsukiyama shouts. “You're so much more than that Kaneki...”
Kaneki looks him over, eyes taking in the desperation and pleas of Tsukiyama to be heard. He marches over and grabs the collar of Tsukiyama's sweater and pulls him down to eye level.
“Are you fucking with me right now? Pretending to care about me?” Kaneki shoves Tsukiyama away and watches him slam into the wall. Cracks and crevices form around his wilting figure. “No one needs to worry about me,” he whispers, “no one needs to get hurt for me.”
“Kaneki,” Tsukiyama mumbles, head down, “why are hurting yourself?” He looks up to see Kaneki's face scrunched up, his fists clenched. “Ken, what are you fighting for?”
“I have to—” Kaneki sniffles, “I need to protect—you don't know what Jason did to—I just—” Kaneki crumbles to the floor, hands digging into his cheeks as tears roll over them. “I have to be the strongest or—I don't know!”
Quiet sobs fill the air as Tsukiyama pushes off the wall and crouches down in front of Kaneki.
“You can't protect everyone, Ken,” Tsukiyama places a hand on the trembling man's shoulder, “but you don't have to carry these burdens all on your own.”
Kaneki shoves Tsukiyama's hand off and growls. “What are you trying to do Shuu? Get me to take my guard down long enough to sneak a bite—”
“Please!” Tsukiyama grabs Kaneki's shoulders with both hands. “Listen to me Ken; I couldn't eat you now because—look I won't take a bite so—fuck—”
“Shuu,” Kaneki interrupts, staring him down, tears still on his cheeks, “what are you trying to say?”
Tsukiyama bites his lip and looks down, letting his bangs fall across his eyes. “You don't have to do this alone Ken, I'm here to serve and protect you.” He looks up through his fringe, “and I won't—I can't—ever eat you.”
“Why?”
I don't want to live in a world without you
“I want to live in a world with you more than one... without you.”
“But... I'm nothing special,” Kaneki covers his face again, mumbling through his fingers, “The world would have been better off without me.”
“I wouldn't have.” Tsukiyama states, pulling Kaneki fully info a hug.
Kaneki freezes for a moment before relaxing into the embrace, his arms wrapping around Tsukiyama. “Okay,” he concedes, burying his head on the older ghoul's shoulder, “but why is your heart beating so fast?”
Tsukiyama chokes, breath stuttering to a halt, before letting out a quiet laugh, hugging Kaneki even tighter. “The tremolo in my chest happens whenever I see you.”
Kaneki hums, closing his eyes. “I'm tired... do you mind carrying me to my room so I can rest?”
“Sure thing,” Tsukiyama replies, gently picking up Kaneki and walking towards his room. “Want me to set you on the bed?”
“Mhm,” Kaneki mumbles as Tsukiyama gently sets him on the bed.
As he turns to leave, Kaneki catches his wrist and tugs him down onto the bed.
“Don't leave yet,” he whispers sleepily, curling up against Tsukiyama's quivering form. “Just stay a while longer.”
“Okay,” Tsukiyama breathes out, calming down, as Kaneki makes himself comfortable. He's so close, cuddling up and falling asleep so quickly. His scent is everywhere in the room, suffocating, but also relaxing in its intoxication.
Warm in his arms, Tsukiyama slowly drifts off to sleep as well.