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Jinki had been gone all day again. He left before you finished your shower this morning, and hadn’t called.
Why? You wondered. Why were you feeling so dull? Everything about the apartment around you felt heavy. The sun had set long ago, leaving the bedroom draped in grays and shadow, the night light peeking ever slightly through sheer curtains. The city beneath was as bustling and lively as ever, while your room felt like a sad little box. The whole apartment had lately, why?
You hear the door open and the front light flicks on but make no effort to get up. You hear Jinki kick his shoes off, then carefully place them. He walks around for a bit, setting whatever he bought home down and inching closer to the bedroom. “How are you?” He exhales, feeling content in being home after a long day. Warm light surrounds him and pools against the floor. He tilts his head when you don’t answer right away, “are you alright?”
You hum and sit up. “I’m okay, I guess. How was your day?”
“A bit exhausting, to be honest.” He admits, moving to plop down beside you. He lays back on the bed, sighing again at the plush blankets and relaxing his body. You don’t look at him right away, you can feel the heaviness in the air growing now that he’s hear. This is the first time in weeks the two of you have interacted like this. He’d been distant lately, while you hadn’t been able to drag yourself out of your gloomy disposition.
“What’s wrong?” You’re the first one to break the ice.
“You’ve just been a bit cold lately.” he talks low, teetering on the edge of shutting his mouth and not saying a word more. “It just seems…are you bored with me?” You felt your stomach twist. Had you really made Jinki feel this way? How distant have you been? He was your world, had been since you met him. How cold and short had you been to change that?
“Jinki I…” You pause, trying to collect your thoughts. “I’m sorry it's been so weird lately, it feels like I haven’t been around?” He nods, looking up at you as you fiddle with your sleeves and pick imaginary fuzzies out of your hair. “I’ve just been feeling a bit down is all. I didn’t realize I was being so cold to you, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
“I thought you wanted some space, didn’t want to suffocate you.”
“I wish you had” you smiled, pressing your lips together and trying to hold in the sudden bout of tears hitting you. When you think about it more, you wish Jinki had kept coming to you. Trapping you in his arms and squeezing the sadness away, in a sense. You’d been craving his touch, his soft words. You had expected it, silently demanded it, and got upset when he didn’t give it. “I should've told you sooner how I was feeling. I wanted you to be close, I just…I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to ask.”
“We’ve both been a bit distant and weird I guess” he manages a small laugh, reaching for your hand. “You can tell me whatever you need, whenever. I don’t mind, I just want you to be happy.”
“I know” you smile. “I’m sorry, I love you Jinki, I’m sorry I made you doubt it.”
“Are you sure?” He pulls you down with care and stares into your eyes. Brow knit together, trying to read you, trying to be serious despite feeling anxious and vulnerable. “Do you promise?” his voice trails a bit, fearful of your answer.
“We’re still here, you’re still with me right?” You turn to look down at him. His eyes are a bit watery, he’s nibbling the inside of his cheek. You shift a bit, moving to run your hand through his hair, cup his face, and trace your thumb over his cheek. “Of course, I promise.”
He nods and smiles as you lower yourself beside him. He keeps hold of your hand and reaches to brush away your hair from your face. When was the last time you had held each other? You wondered. “I love you” he sighs, leaving in to press his lips to yours. “I love you so much.” He kisses you, holding your face and drawing you closer to him. His lips are light and feathery over your own, ghosting over your skin to press against your cheek, then your neck and shoulder. Your fingers brush through his hair and he looks back up to you; in time to feel your press a soft kiss against his forehead.
His arms tangle around your body, you grow comfortable against his chest. You’re close, he kisses you now and again. His nose tickles yours, his eyes run over the details of your face a million times. You close your eyes in contentment, the gloomy feeling is still there, but it feels like a small weight has lifted. Jinki was here, and you were here with him. Even if it was for just the moment, both your worries had been pushed away for a moment of tender peace.