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It all felt so surreal, like you were walking in a dream. Not only had you survived more than a year in the Survey Corps, but you had fallen in love and had married him. It wasn’t a grandiose ceremony, of course, but even in its simplest form, it was perfect to you. All you needed was to hear him profess his love and loyalty to you and you were satisfied.
It had been only days after the quaint ceremony and while most of the corps were unaware of the private event, there were few that did know and spotted you on your way back to the living quarters. Hanji stopped you, making a sharp u-turn to join your side with a wide grin. “Hello, Mrs. Ackerman!” she squealed.
You immediately shushed her. “Hanji, please. Word travels too fast in the military. Let’s keep this quiet for a while, okay?” It wasn’t that you weren’t proud of your new surname, but you didn’t want everyone aware just yet. There were more important things for them to focus on than your relationship.
“Oh, fine,” Hanji waved you off. “When you get back to the Corporal, tell him I need to talk to him. There’s a titan not too far from here I need to have!”
A small laugh left your lips. “I will. I need to see him first, though. Good night, Hanji.”
The brunette seemed briefly deflated from your exit, but then promptly puffed back up when she turned her attention on Moblit and the contents in his arms. As they began their trek back down the hallway, you silently padded back to your room to slip into your quarters.
The room wasn’t dark as expected, but rather enveloped in warm, golden candlelight by the half-spent candles round your quarters. The light on the desk opposite your bed revealed a stout figure sat in your chair. There weren’t many other short people who’d be waiting for you, and a smile tugged at the corners of your lips.
“You’re late,” the flat, low voice stated.
“I know, I’m sorry. The scavenging team came back yesterday with more gear, so there was more to repair than what was counted.” The jacket peeled off of you with ease to hang it up on the bedpost at the foot of the bed, then you plopped down to lay back onto the cool sheets.
Even though it wasn’t physically taxing, today had been another long day of repairing maneuver gear, and it wasn’t easy wiping down the blood of your fallen comrade’s to clean them. So many lives had been lost, despite Jaeger’s efforts, and you knew only more lives would be taken by the Titans.
A brusque snort came from him before standing to his feet and joining you on the bed. The mattress gave way under his weight when he sat down beside your weary frame and he rested his elbows on his thighs. “There’ll always be more as long as we fight back,” he countered with the same blank tone.
A sympathetic frown formed on your lips before the bed shifted again and you sat up to rub his shoulders. “I know,” you murmured softly, “but tonight, we aren’t going to think about any of those things.”
You felt him sigh in response, silently agreeing as he often did. Turning to face you over his shoulder, he grasped your hands in his and captured your lips in a gentle kiss that made your heart flutter. Then, he squared his torso with you to properly kiss you, his fingers ghosting across your cheek that turned you into pathetic putty in his hands, and you both fell back onto the bed where he alternated between slowly unbuttoning your blouse and planting soft kisses along your neck.
Sex was always roughly passionate with him, but tonight, it was tender and breathtaking. He was your’s, and you were his, and as he took you that night, the harsh reality beyond the walls of the base melted away.
______________________
Your hands shook horribly, and in an effort to stop them from doing so, you clutched them in your lap with white-knuckles. It was a horrible idea to come here, but you had to know. Honestly, you were terrified. Not because of just the answer, but what would come after that. Regret hit you hard, yet, the thought of leaving and not having known before you possibly died was smothering you.
“Doctor, I… I need to know.” The wait was swallowing you whole after being left alone to your thoughts. It was too late to turn back now.
The medical officer sighed and shrugged her hands into the pocket of her pants, glancing to the vice you gripped your hand in. “I think you have a good idea of the answer, but yes. You’re expecting.”
Despite the mental and emotional preparation, it all came crashing down and you released a shaky, shuddering breath. How were you going to deal with this? Leaping from the table top, you rushed to the door with a rising nauseating sickness in your throat.
It didn’t take more than three minutes to run and grab your gear, moving swiftly on sheer panic, and join the rest of the team on horseback by the gate. Your chest was tightening under the layers of fabric, and by no means did preparing for the ride out make you feel any easier.
A hand clasped on your shoulder to alert you of their presence before a short figure emerged at your side. Levi’s sharp gaze captured your’s before dropping his hand. “You look like shit.”
“Yeah, I just, uh… I don’t feel well.” You barely managed to weasel the words from your throat.
He didn’t seem convinced by your lackluster answer. “Think you can do this? You can stay here, we have enough soldiers.”
Clammy, you wiped your hands on your pants and hooked your foot into the stirrup of the saddle to swing yourself over your mount. You shook your head assuringly. “No. No, I’ll be fine.” When he didn’t budge from his position, you then added, “I promise.”
He trusted your judgement and seeing as you’d made up your mind, Levi simply responded with a curt nod before mounting his own horse several feet ahead of you. Then, it was all routine up to riding out into what might be your last day alive. Pale as a ghost, you followed him out beyond the gate.
Though an anxious mess, you returned safe with the team having only lost one casualty. If it weren’t for your lack of focus, he would’ve been here with the rest of you — alive. That night you cried yourself to sleep with Levi’s arms around you..
It was getting increasingly difficult to explain the constant morning sickness and to downplay the slight bump forming at your stomach, but there was no way you could tell anyone. Not even him, not yet. You’d lasted ten weeks without cracking — even if you only knew for one of those weeks — and you were positive that you could keep up the charade for at least another two until you could find the right words or the right solution.
The following week when the Corporal pulled together another scouting mission, which you gladly volunteered for. If not to help keep the headquarters secure, to validate your role in the Survey Corps and prove you could do this. You had to, even if just for yourself.
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Above you, the sun hung high and bright against the blue canvas of the sky; the grass below you green and lush. Your stomach still churned remembering the last time you were out here, having caused the death of another, and your mind desperately tried to focus on the mission in spite of everything.
The plan was always the same: scout the immediate area and eliminate any titans wandering too close to the safe zone. Every day a team went out to scout the area, and you’d done it so many times before it had become normal routine. This time, though, there was an intense determination to keep your mind only on the mission and nothing else.
You rode along the perimeter on alert for titans, and your attention focused on your surroundings. A coat of nausea filled your mouth, but you forced it down just in time as one of the soldiers to your left let out a horrified scream. A seven meter class Titan peered out from behind the trees 30 feet left of the group before ambling out from its cover while the ground shook violently beneath you with its every step.
From the front of the small group, you heard the orders. “Jensen! Melnik!” The soldiers beside you at the rear nodded and readied their maneuver gear, grappled to the tree just ahead of the team, and waited for the titan. It was your job to keep the horses with the group and you quickly grasped the reins of each to tie them to your own.
Your heart lept into your throat, but you concentrated on the road ahead of you to keep from losing your focus. They could handle themselves, however, you looked back in hopes of seeing the Titan dispatched, but the Titan wasn’t anywhere to be seen below Jensen and Melnik. “Wait, it’s not there! Where did it g—”
Suddenly, the trees beside the team were knocked over as the Titan burst through them and charged at the center of the group. A gasp escaped your mouth, pulling back on the reins to a screeching halt before you could be stepped on. Now that you were separated from the rest, you immediately began to turn back to race towards Jensen and Melnik for support.
A giant shadow above you forced your attention up where the Titan held out his palm in an effort to reach down and grab you. Tears streamed down your face as your eyes were fixated on the hand closing in. This was it. You were going to die; your child was going to die and Levi wouldn’t ever have known.
Then, the shadow withdrew. The Titan’s hand recoiled as steam rose from a wide laceration on the top of his hand. Groaning loudly, the Titan swatted at someone grappling around his face before another pillar of steam rose from the back of his nape where it was then on its knees within seconds and fell flat onto the forest floor; dead.
You slowed the horses to a stop on the path and sat immobile, wide-eyed and shell-shocked. You’d come close to death before on various excursions beyond the gate, but this was too close. The involuntary tears still fell from your lashes and your entire body shook as you gripped the reins with white knuckles in pure terror. You felt sick to your stomach and you weren’t sure if you’d urinated on yourself or not.
Though you heard the sound of someone landing with their maneuver gear, your stare was miles away. They rushed to your side and you felt a hand over your’s along with your name being called. You met his gaze, still stunned, and found an expression of fear on his features. He said your name once again, but you couldn’t find the voice to respond.
Levi then helped pull you from atop the horse, steadying you onto your feet, and pulled you close. In his embrace, you collapsed to your knees on the ground and clung to him as sobs wracked your body. Not a word was uttered between the two of you and for several minutes, you both knelt in silence holding the other close as the Titan steamed meters behind you.
______________________
Two years later.
Levi eyed the kid with a hawk-like gaze as the toddler laid on his belly, grabbing at the fabric under his hands, and rocking himself on all fours trying to crawl. From the table where you sat mending the many green cloaks of the Survey Corps, you observed the both of them with a warm smile on your lips as your fingers gingerly stitched together a tear.
The child continued to work his limbs desperately to move himself and after many attempts, he finally moved himself forward the smallest bit. A brief smile touched the corners of his mouth while you gasped in delight at the progress. “Oh, he moved! See, he has your smarts.” Your attention drifted to Levi where he snorted in amusement.
Drinking down the last bit of hot tea from the teacup, he then stood with a sigh and slid into his jacket. A frown formed on your face as you set your hands in your lap. “I wish you didn’t have to leave yet.” Though you were only on extended maternity leave in a cottage on Survey Corp’s ground, he was still a full-time squad leader at the headquarters. While you understood that, the daytime visits were still too short until he’d return that night.
He glanced at the child on the floor before walking around behind you and kissing the top of your head. “I’ll be back soon tonight.” Small cries came from the baby where he flailed momentarily until stopping to giggle. Levi rubbed your shoulder and turned for the door. “And I think he just shit himself.”
Your focus set on your child on the floor who looked back at you, laughing as if it was the funniest prank known to mankind. Of course, he did. The cape and needle were set on the tabletop as you stood up to pick him up from the floor, wiping the flyaway hair from your face. At the door, Levi watched you both carefully and closed the distance between you both once more to give you each a kiss.
“I love you. Don’t have too much fun bossing everyone around,” you teased, gently bouncing the baby in your arms.
Another snort from his end while he opened the door from the refurbished cottage. “Tch. They’ll deal with it.” Before closing the door behind him, he softly added, “I love you, too.”