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Things were much simpler when they were younger. When they were younger, games were dancing around or guessing what card you had. When they were younger, lying would be about how many cookies you ate the night before.
When they were younger, trust was something they undeniably gave eachother. Even though Jamil never trusted Kalim with doing anything, he could always trust Kalims character. He could always trust Kalims intentions, his words. He could trust Kalim, in that sense.
But now it felt like his image of Kalim is cracking and breaking like shards of a mirror. It's been 2 weeks since his overblot. That damn fucking overblot, but he never thought too much about it. He thought things would've just went back to how it was. Never in a million years would he have thought Kalim would actually try to do things on his own. Nor respect Jamils wishes and distance himself from him.
But that's not what's making the vein in his head pop out like a sore thumb, no no. It's the fact that Kalim doesn't trust him. Not anymore, he knows it's a given but he didn't expect it to feel so /hurtful/ insulting. He noticed little actions at first, Kalim watching him out of the corner of his eyes or Kalim looking unsure anytime he says something even remotely decent about him.
It soon escalated to never wanting to be around Jamils presence, which is absolutely fine! It soon escalated to just telling Jamil to 'Just do you!', which is absolutely ok! He didn't feel useless at all! Nope! Not even at the slightest. He didn't feel so tossed aside in any sense!
But that was, unfortunately, the tip of the ice burg however. And today, he noticed– well he was told by Kalim himself actually, today was the worst form of mistrust he has ever received.
"J-Jamil you aren't listening I just–"
"Kalim, there isn't anything wrong with the flavor. Does the arrangement of the food not satisfy you?"
"No.. it's just–"
"Then stop being stubborn and eat—"
"I don't— feel comfortable eating your food Jamil."
He almost dropped his own plate after hearing that. They were the only two students in the kitchen since they both had woken up early for dorm duties that day. But after hearing this, Jamil isn't sure he wants to attend any of those at the moment.
"W-what..?"
Whatever Kalim said Jamil didn't hear, it was like the world was bluring. Anything and everything he saw and heard after was a blur. And somehow, he makes it till the end of the day. Kalims words still replaying in his mind. Not comfortable?? NOT COMFORTABLE???? It's making Jamils head ache.
He is furious, why would Kalim not trust him after everything? He understands that his Overblot must've gave Kalim a lot of mistrust but to the point of not even eating his food? That's too much– no, that's too far. In his whole life of serving him, never has he once made an attempt to poison Kalim. So who was Kalim to think he'd stoop that low to get away from him?
/It was perfectly reasonable, he knows it. He just doesn't want to accept it./
He was just watching Kalim from the other end of the kitchen table. Kalim was eating his own food which he made for the whole dorm, and that somehow makes Jamils anger worsen. So not only does he not trust Jamils food but he even learnt how to cook his own? It almost makes Jamil want to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
And Kalim is ok with it?? Somehow Kalim looks fine eating his own food, talking to his other dormmates?? It's not fair. It isn't fucking fair. Jamil has to suffer every consequence of his actions but Kalim is just fine?? How was he fine when he told Jamil this morning the most world shattering thing ever? How was he fine when he had to face his overblot back then? How was he fine when he had to deal with Jamils words of betrayal? How was it fair that he was fine and Jamil wasn't?
Kalim makes eye contact with him. He smiles, that damn bright and shining smile. It makes him sick. He stands up suddenly, proclaiming he isn't hungry anymore as he walks out of the kitchen. If he had stayed any longer, he would've had another Overblot again. Relax, Viper, relax. All you need to do is relax, pretend it's ok and that it's fine. You've always been good at doing that, haven't you?
He needs time. Time alone. Anywhere but with him. He can't stand being in the same room as him. He can't stand seeing his messed up eye liner or messed up turban every morning. He can't stand seeing him cook in the kitchen on his own, being able to do stuff he originally begged Jamil to do for him. He can't stand another thought of Kalim being able to handle himself without Jamil.
And it's that driving point that leads him to avoiding Kalim. Full on avoidance, not even being in the same room as him. He doesn't even talk to him when necessary, he just sends him a message and thats it. Is it petty? Definitely not.
Kalim is doing just fine without him anyways, Kalim is just fine without Jamil anyway. Kalim doesn't need Jamil, and made it evidently clear. So it's fine, it'll be fine. It will be fine. Kalim seems to be fine with this avoidance anyways! He seems happier even! It is not driving Jamil crazy at all!
•~•
Jamil has noticed Kalim walking around the dorm at the middle of the night and flying out in his magic carpet. Of course he comes back, but each time he does it, it estimates between 30 minutes to a full hour. It's been happening recently.
Jamil wanted to check on him multiple times but he cringes at the idea of how their conversation will go. And knowing Kalim, he'll avoid his questions like the plague until Jamil goes away and continue whatever he is doing.
But that changes tonight, Jamil is planning to follow him. To see where he is going, for safety reasons! Even though they are equals, it doesn't mean he can't check up on his master!
-Thump- -Thump- That's Jamils cue to get up from bed. Kalim must think he is so sneaky huh, well it takes a lot not to get under the radar of Jamil Viper. So after a few seconds of Kalim passing his door, Jamil gets up and opens it.
He exits out and follows the shadow of a person outside, he makes sure to bring his jacket. Because it's freezing tonight.
/He hopes Kalim brought his own jacket too./
He sees Kalim with the magic carpet, near the balcony, Kalim hops on and immediately sets out. Jamil, using his own wind magic instead, chases after him from behind. He makes sure to keep his distance from him, he doesn't want to be caught.
After a few turns and spins, he hates how atrociously Kalim flies, they make it to an Oasis. Ah, Jamil remembers this Oasis, it's the one they marched to during the time he brainwashed Kalim. But why would he choose to be here?
He sees Kalim closing into the Oasis, he soon gets off the magic carpet and dips his feet into the water. I soon reach the ground and hide behind a conveniently placed tree a bit far from him. I took off my jacket and placed it on the ground, it wasn't as cold here as it was back in the dorm, a little weird but whatever.
Kalim is just there, playing with the water with his feet. He seems to be chatting with magic carpet, he is seen petting him and smiling. But it isn't a bright smile, it's soft and subtle. It also seems sad, melancholic. The two words I'd never thought to describe him, especially his smile.
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"Jamil... won't you join me?"
A soft quiet voice asked. Jamil freezes. Kalim was just facing the Oasis, back facing Jamil. The magic carpet flew over and tried pushing Jamil over to where Kalim was, to which Jamil relents after a while and walks over.
Just how did Kalim find me? I was certain he didn't see me over while flying behind him. He didn't even look behind himself once? How the hell did he actually find me? Is he more aware of his surroundings than I initially thought? No way, if that was the case, then he'd be 50% in less trouble than he would ever be at any other given situation.
Jamil shakes his head, trying not to overthink it. So he just sits next to Kalim. He seems so out of tune with everything. He always is— but it's much more than usual. Kalim is just staring out to the stars, like it's the most mesmerizing thing in the world. Kalim has seen more interesting things than this.
He has seen fireworks in regards for his family's achievements, he has seen shows played infront of his very eyes but this is what makes him quiet? Jamil takes notes of this.
It was quiet, but it wasn't awkward, it was calm and comfortable. Jamil feels himself relaxing a little, he can't help but look at the stars. How brightly it shines, it's nice. For once in Jamils life, everything seemed fine.
"You remember when we were children, we used to name each one of the stars in the sky?"
Kalim asked. Jamil hums in response.
"Ha.. I would always name them the most funniest thing, and you'd judge each name to see if they're suitable for the star.."
Jamil blinks, he remembers those moments very well.
"You would always say you didn't want to stay up and name the stars with me, but ended up doing it anyway..."
'Why?..' he feels Kalim is about to say next. He sounds like he wants to ask why but doesn't. Jamil is grateful for this.
"We ended up naming one Jaki, a mixture of our names. You said it sounded absolutely ridiculous... but gave the name to the biggest star we saw that day."
Jamil blushes a little at the thought. How embarrassing.
"...sometimes I wonder if that special star still shows up, at this time of night."
Jamils mind blanks, then he moves his head a little to look at Kalim. Kalim is seen smiling ear to ear, blushing red like a tomato, and eyes shining as brightly as the stars. Jamil notices the tears at the corners of his eyes. Why is he crying?
Kalim looks back at him, with the same look on his face. Jamil reaches out and cups his face, wiping away the tears in his eyes. Jamil does it like it's the simplest thing in the world. Like it's the easiest thing he can do. And Kalim nuzzles his cheek into Jamils hand. Like it's the most softest thing in the world.
/Like he is the most trustworthy person he knows./
After wiping away his tears, he pulls his hand back. They both look back at the stars, they don't need to say anything. It's been so long since they've star gazed, its been long since they've spent time together after the incident. Jamil wonders why Kalim isn't being so careful with him as he was in the dorm.
His train of thought immediately disappears as he feels something heavy lay on his shoulder. He looks down and sees Kalim sleeping on it. Jamil pats his head, he looks /cute/ weird while sleeping. The magic carpet flies over and hands Jamil his jacket. Jamil takes the jacket and drapes it over Kalims shoulders. Just so he is safe and warm. Nothing else to it at all.
•~•
Ever since that moment, they have been under some tension. It's the feeling of they're ok being in eachothers presence again, but are too awkward to talk about what happened. They were ok now right? But could one night of star grazing really fix everything? Somehow it pisses Jamil off to think that it's a possibility, of how easily it might've been fixed.
Jamil finds himself not being able to focus in class. Mister Treins words just going into one ear and exiting out the next. He doesnt know why he seems out of it today. He should be fine? But nevermind that, he can study the material again after class.
He waits for the bell to ring, and when it does, he stands up to exit out of the classroom immediately. He plans to head back to Scarabia, he has homework to do afterall. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kalim. They are both walking to the hall of mirrors. But Kalim takes a turn and goes into the Octavinelle dorm mirror.
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What?
•~•
Kalim is glad to be in Octavinelle again, Scarabia has been choking him with the unwanted tension. He made sure to come here fast, he can always tell Jamil that he was meeting up with some friends.
—Which is true! He just doesn't plan to tell him where and who he was with. He heads inside and sees Azul and Riddle sitting on a table, near the very corner of the building. He smiles and waves to them as he walks towards them.
They notice him and smile back at him, giving him a short greeting. Kalim smiles brightly as he sits down beside Riddle happily. He searches his bag for a certain paper he tested on this morning.
"I taken your test resulted in a satisfactory score?"
Riddle inquires, seeing the smile on Kalims face.
"Y-yea! Look here, I managed to get only 10 mistakes during history!"
"90/100? Quite a feat, I'm impressed Kalim."
Azul praised with a smile, Riddle checks the paper Kalim handed to him.
"You perfected all the dates as well, most students had a hard time on that area. I'm proud, Kalim"
Riddle praises, Kalim hugs him. Riddle squeaks but pats his back. Azul looks at Riddle with a smug face, to which Riddle gives him a scowl.
"Thank you! Thank you! Riddle everything you said was in the test, all your notes prepared me!"
Riddle has a small blush on him, but he relents and nods along.
"Y-yes yes— you can let me go of me now Kalim...!"
Kalim let's go but then goes to to hug Azul. It's Azuls turn to blush now and he responds by hugging back.
"Thank you too! Your reviewing techniques and methods helped me so much!"
Riddle gives Azul an open smug smile. Azul irks and looks away from Riddle.
"O-ofcourse— what are friends for.."
Kalim let's go and sits back down properly.
"Really guys! I-Im so glad! After... you know... I was a little scared to ask Jamil for help, but thanks to you guys, I can continue to catch up on my studies!"
Kalim continues to praise them both, making the two top students blush deepen. Azul coughs into his fist, signaling Jade and Floyd to come over. Kalim looks over to them, both men carrying food.
"Floyd! Jade! What are you both doing here?"
"Heya Sea Otter~ We're here to deliver some food~"
Floyd says as he and Jade sets the food on the table.
"Food? Don't tell me we have to pay.."
Riddle sighs and rummages through his bag to find his wallet. He is quite upset Azul planned to give them food without telling them beforehand.
"Ah ah Riddle~ Azul here was kind enough to give these for free"
Jade interrupts. Riddle gives Azul a side eye while Kalims eyes widen.
"You don't expect anything back do you—"
"AZUL! YOU'RE TOO SWEET!!"
Kalim praised as stars formed in his eyes. Jade and Floyd snicker at Riddles distrust and Azuls embarrassment. While Azul fixes his glasses, noting how dangerously nice it is to be complimented by someone, especially Kalim. He ignores Kalims reaction and faces Riddle.
"Riddle! How could you ever accuse me of such a thing? This is just a nice thing between friends!"
Riddles suspicion only worsens at his words, Azul can tell. He sighs and pushes a plate over to Riddle.
"Seriously, I'm not as stingy as people say I am. Please, take it... i-its a token for my gratitude.."
"For what?"
Kalim asks, him and Riddle are confused on what Azul is grateful for.
"For.. helping me realize more techniques, this experience helped me in learning what my own dormmates could be struggling with. And for.. m-making some days a bit more fun to look up to.."
He gets shy as he says the last part of his sentence. Kalim only smiles wider as Riddle forms a small smile. Riddle and Kalim both thank Azul. Azul smiles back, dreading the fact that Jade and Floyd will put this against him for weeks.
"Floyd! Jade! Please come join us!"
Riddle looked at Kalim horrified.
"I-Its ok Kalim- let's not—"
"If you insist, I'm so glad to be able to eat with Sea Otter and Gold fishie!~"
Floyd cheers and sits beside Kalim.
"It would be rude to say no"
Jade says as he sits beside Azul. Riddle groans but let's it slide. Kalim seems happy so might as well. They are all eating together, and Kalim smiles. Feeling happy, safe, and cared for. Unbeknownst to him, someone was watching for a few seconds then immediately goes away.
•~•
Kalim was heading back to Scarabia, he was skipping his way to the mirror leading there. He enters it, thinking about treating Azul and Riddle for teaching him the last few weeks. As he appears on the other side of the mirror, he sees an arm reach out and grab his wrist.
“H-hey—“
Kalim squeals as he was pulled out of the mirror completely and is being dragged into the building. Looking at the back of the persons head, he can recognize who it was.
“J-Jamil?! What’s wrong?–“
But Jamil doesn’t answer him, he only tightens his grip on Kalims wrist. Kalim winces, it hurts so much, he is just dragging Kalim inside the dorm. The students look at them as Jamil rushes through. Kalim doesn’t know what to do, what to do to make things alright. Eventually after a while, Jamil leads Kalim to his room, slamming the door shut and pushing him down his own bed.
“Jamil! What’s wrong—“
“You can’t even look me in the eyes, yet you go to other people so easily”
Kalim is taken aback, he can’t see Jamils face, he is just facing down to the floor.
“W...what are you talking about—“
“Do NOT play dumb with me Kalim!”
Kalim pulls back, Jamil was definitely angry.
"I-I seriously don't know–"
"I saw you with Riddle and Azul!"
Jamil says as he slams his fist to the wall. Kalim looks at him wide eyed.
"H...how...?"
"Someone wasn't fast enough to try and avoid me again."
Kalim looks at him hurt.
"T-that wasn't my intention I swear..! I was just–"
"Just WHAT Kalim?! Just trying to avoid talking or even being in my presence again? Is it really that bad to the point that you had to ask them to study but not ME?!"
Jamil huffs in frustration.
"A-and hah, what's worse is that you even went to them. Riddle, the prideful tyrantful brat of the Heartslabyul dorm. The Octavinelle trio, with Azul fucking Ashengrotto? You trust them more with something even as simple as studying and you can't even look at me?!"
"Do NOT bring them into this! I went to them because they were the top students of every class! This has nothing to do with trust, I–"
"Then what? You want to bring more people to your useless self AGAIN?"
Kalim is silenced instantly.
"T-thats not fair..."
Kalims eyes start to water.
"Hah! Fair? You want fair? Oh the soon to be sultan of his homeland. The one who is showered with riches and fame ever since birth. YOU want to talk about fair? You were given everything, while others had the short end of the stick and did your work! And that was my life, you want to talk about fair with ME?"
Both men were heavily breathing. Kalim is now in tears, helplessly wiping them away.
"W-whats not *hic* fair... i-is treating my life l-like it was e-everything... w-when I asked for none of it..."
Kalim was able to splur out, in pain and anguish. Jamil gets even more angry.
"You still had it better than anyone else I've known! But you just can't help but play victim in this huh?! Go ahead then, tell people how awful your life was with me having to clean every SINGLE one of your messes! Tell everyone you know! Tell me how hard your life fucking was–"
"I HATE YOU!"
Kalim screams, stopping Jamil in his tracks.
"I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"
Kalim looks at him, his face is all red, his eyes are puffy. His breaths were short and fast.
"I-I know how privileged I am! I know that not everyone has a chance to get served every meal they could ever want! Or be given the biggest bed to sleep on every night! Or have a house big enough for big kitchens or hallways!"
Kalim continues to scream, Jamil dares not to speak. Dares not to interrupt him.
"I know! Goddammit, I know! But despite all that, I knew nothing about how you were treated. I knew nothing about how our relationship was, because NO ONE TOLD ME ANYTHING!"
Kalims breaths get faster.
"I-I TRIED TO KEEP IT ALL TOGETHER, EVERY ASSASSINATION, EVERY MISTRUST I WAS GIVEN! I KEPT IT ALL TOGETHER EVEN AFTER YOUR OVERBLOT!"
Kalims voice was reaching hysterical levels. His body was shaking terribly.
"AND DESPITE ME TRYING TO FIX IT ALL, YOU'RE STILL ANGRY. LIKE YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO ACT LIKE IT! IM GIVING YOU WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED, SO WHY DO YOU CARE?!"
"I-I don't care—"
"YES YOU FUCKING DO JAMIL! Why do you care that I don't trust your food?! Why do you care whether I go study with Riddle and Azul?! Why should you care at all!"
"Because I'm the only one who can actually help you with those things."
"..."
Kalim gets up abruptly from the bed. *Smack* a loud sound was heard. Kalim had his hand high while Jamil has a red mark on his face. Kalim, takes a deep breath, gathering all of his remaining strength to utter his words.
"W-Whatever we have stops now. We're not servant-master anymore, we're not 'friends' anymore, we're not even acquaintances anymore. After today, we have no reason to talk anymore except for dorm duties. I've had enough."
Kalim says and runs past Jamil, sobs can be heard through the halls.
Fuck.
•~•
Jamil doesn't know what to do. It's been weeks. 10 weeks to be exact, since they've last spoken. And true to Kalims words, they only speak when it comes to the dorm. Any and all attempts Jamil has made to talk outside of that leads to Kalim ignoring him completely. It's killing him.
He was just eating lunch at a table alone. Slowly picking at his food, he doesn't notice the many stares and whispers around him. He doesn't feel like eating anything at all. But he knows he has been /over/ cleaning the dorm a lot. He knows that, because his dormmates have been complaining about it.
They have been slipping because of the numerous amount of mopping he has been doing. They have been keeping the lights off, claiming the reflective surfaces of each item makes it hurt their eyes. Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous!
He grinds his teeth and grip his fork tightly. One dormmate even claimed he must be stressed, hah stressed! As if, Jamil Viper doesn't get stressed! He gets annoyed, yes but never ever stressed! Why would he be stressed anyways?
"–Viper."
A sudden voice calls out to him, oh fucking no.
"Wh– hey! It's rude to just leave without even looking at the person talking to you!"
The voice calls out as Jamil attempts to move away. He sighs, looking up and staring at the persons face. His eyes immediately squint in distrust.
"What is it, Azul?"
"Would you please act civil for a moment?"
"If it isn't important, then I don't owe you any of that."
Jamil says and stands up, getting ready to just walk away.
"Then I guess you don't really care about Kalim?"
Azul ask, making Jamil halt. He turns his head slightly to Azul.
"W-what about him? It's not like we're talking anymore. I have nothing to do with him."
Somehow his words hurt him. Nothing to do with Kalim at all, he is just stating a fact.
"Stop being stubborn and just follow me."
"...Where?"
"Outside at the school track field, cmon, dont be slow."
Azul calls for him like a dog. Well, that's what Jamil thinks anyways. He brushes it off and follows Azul to the track field. He threw his tray inside the trash can, he didn't even take a bite. But whatever, he is more focused about what Azul plans to tell him.
They eventually reach the track field, Azul leads him to a private area. It was behind a tree in the corner of the field. Azul suddenly stops and turns around. Jamil feels two hand grab onto his shoulders and push him against the wall.
"W-What the...!!"
"What the hell are you doing?"
Azul stared at him, looking furious and annoyed.
"W—"
"Seriously, you have trust issues with me but you are far more snakey and incompetent than I ever will be Viper."
"Excuse me?!"
"WHAT I am talking about is Kalim."
"...What about Kalim?"
Jamil tries to hide it in his voice but he sounds very worried to Azul. Azul is so close to rolling his eyes to the back of his head. He let's go of Jamils shoulder.
"Get your fucking shit together, you're out here moping around like a sad kitten on the road when you have been the one making things worse for the both of you."
"I am NOT moping around—"
"You're barely eating at the cafeteria. You've been overcleaning things everywhere, including the club room. You have been out of tune during discussions as well. You are clearly moping. But I can't help but laugh at how you act like that when you caused the rift between you and Kalim to worsen."
"I CAUSED it? I have been trying for so long to talk to him only for him to ignore me anyway."
"Think about why that is Jamil, you're smart enough for that."
"...Ok fine! He actually has a very good reason to ignore me now! But what about back then? He acted like my overblot was nothing to him! He acted like I was nothing to him!"
"He acted? Seems familiar to me, doesn't it?"
"Why the hell are you getting on me for?! I-I—"
Jamil takes a breath.
"I hate that he acted like it was fine. Its like he is making a fool of me. Makes me wonder whether I actually meant anything to him."
"..Shouldn't you also wonder whether he feels the same way?"
"What?–"
"My my, what a blind man you could be Viper. You don't think he feels the same way? But has to mask it for your sake?"
"For my sake?"
"I was there during your overblot, I heard what you said and all. You complained about him always being put first, is the idea of him acting happy so that he isn't the first concern anymore such a feat to you?"
"N-no! No! He– I KNOW him more than you do– HOW CAN HE ACT OK WHEN HE ISNT?!"
"Did he look ok to you then when you fought?"
Jamil irks at the question, remembering the look Kalim had. The panic and sadness in his voice then, the fast breaths he took in order to face up to Jamil.
"I know that you know he wasn't, but he does it for your sake either way. And if that doesn't show that he cares then maybe you're the one who has been fooling yourself."
Jamil looks at him angrily.
"You dont–"
"I didn't have the experience of knowing him as a child yes, but you can't seriously expect him to happy all throughout his life? I may wish for his riches but I can't imagine how hard life must be."
"His obliviousness knows no bounds."
"Oh, I know. I have seen it many times but.. I can't blame him for being oblivious when no one tells him anything. And I can't blame him for being oblivious when it should be those who take advantage of him at fault."
"You're one to talk about that."
"Believe me, I know. It's a little hypocritical, but I'm telling you this to get through your thick head that you aren't the only one here suffering. You have seen it already, yet are too prideful to admit it, reminds me of a certain lion hmm?"
Azul smirks at Jamil with his implication. Jamil feels so close to punching him.
"I—"
"Just work things out with him. Think about it, and listen to my advice for once. I won't be asking anything back, since the game you guys have been playing is getting too infuriating for me to handle. Just..."
Azul sighs, frustrated.
"Just talk to him, he misses you and I'm sure you do too. Take this warning seriously, it might be your only chance."
Azul says and turns away. Leaving Jamil behind, confused and embarrassed. He feels like he has been scolded like a kid. It's so annoying how right Azul was though. So he takes a breath, swallowing his pride and shouting.
"Hey!"
Azul stops and looks back, confused.
"I'll only say this once! So... thank you. For taking care of Kalim."
Azul let's out a snicker at Jamils awkward gratitude.
"It wasn't for you, Kalim is just.. hard to not get attached to."
"I— I know."
Azul smiles softly, genuinely for the first time. He turns away and continues walking off. Jamil smiled back, immediately shaking his head after realizing what he was doing. He needs to apologize but with Kalim ignoring him, he doesn't know what he could do to get him to listen.
It doesn't matter, he just has to try! Ugh, that was way too optimistic. Yea optimism is definitely not for him to begin with. He just has to see where his apology goes.
•~•
Jamil was walking off to the hall of mirrors, his steps were fast and steady. He was moving quickly until he bumped into someone. That someone was Riddle
"A-ah- Housewarden Rosehearts- I apologize–"
"It's quite– Jamil? Funny seeing you here, have you seen Kalim at all?"
Jamil freezes and looks at him directly.
"I haven't, why?"
"He has been... a little bit moody during our more recent study sessions."
"Moody...?"
"That's... the best way I can describe it.."
"Alright– Thank you, I'll be on my way to—"
Riddle grabs his arm, stopping Jamil from moving.
"Please be gentle with him, I– I'm worried.."
Jamil stares blankly as Riddle awkwardly looks away, a small blush appearing to him.
"—Ofcourse, thank you for taking of him."
Jamil says genuinely before running towards his dorm mirror. He is a little shaky, maybe a little nervous. Scratch that, he is very nervous. But he needs to talk to him. To make things right, to make things ok.
/But will Kalim even forgive him this time?/
Focus Jamil! This isn't about you anymore. It's about just wanting Kalim to feel a little better. It's about wanting Kalim to know he doesn't hate him at all. It's about wanting Kalim to be ok with him for once after his overblot.
He doesn't even realize he was marching on to Kalims room, heck he doesn't even realize he is in front of Kalims door. He hears sobs, he hears cries. Why is he crying? He bends down, sitting on the floor as his back leans against the door.
"..Kalim?"
He asks, and he hates how weak and unsure he sounds. The crying sounds stop and he hears a couple of small noises made inside, then silence.
"...Are you OK...?"
He asks softly but receives no answer. Jamil sighs, expecting this.
"I— I know you said... to not talk to you anymore except for dorm duties.."
He takes a deep breath.
"But... I want to say I'm sorry.. for everything I said. I— I thought I knew you, thought I took care of every single thing about you. Which is why I was angry and in denial to your feelings of pain. I mean.. how could you be in pain? Your life looked perfect afterall."
Jamil pauses.
"But I know it isn't. I see it everyday, hah... I was there every assassination attempt, every mistrust you had. But you always pushed it aside, so I thought it was ok. I always thought you were stupid, for thinking so little of it or ignoring it. But I know now that you did it to cope."
Jamil pauses again. Waiting for a response. He continues when he doesn't get any.
"You and I don't need eachother, we never did. But it hurt to see you with other people, and it hurt to see that you didn't need me. Because I always thought I'd be above you if you didn't have me. But that never was the case, you could handle things your own or ask other people for help, you don't need me."
"Saying that aloud and realizing it hurt. A-and it hurt to see you trust other people more than me. Because I always thought I'd have it forever, your love, your care, your trust. I was given all of it, and I took care of you after all, don't I atleast deserve those things? To call those things mine?"
Jamil laughs off sadly.
"I don't, and for a good reason. I betrayed you, in the worst way possible. What's worst is that it was me, not a family member or some background character who was jealous. It was me, Jamil Viper. The one you considered your closest friend ever."
"I always thought I deserved a lot more, while I thought I definitely deserved your attention for me. I always thought we should've switched places. Like how I was smarter, better with decision making, why did the world put you in a higher position than me? But no, I don't think so anymore. Because if anything, with how kind you are, you deserve much better than this. Much better than me."
He leans his head back, hitting the door.
"I thought I could still control you, even after everything. So seeing you slip away made me realize you, the only thing I could ever have and call mine, were going away. A part of me didn't want that, didn't want you away."
He covers his face with his hands.
"I'm not angry you're trying to be independent, I was angry at the thought that I was push aside like I was nothing. Because you looked so happy without me. So I thought you played me too, and it hurt. I'm so dumb, aren't I? I acted like I didn't do the same to you.."
"You don't owe me anything. I may have wanted my freedom but you gave as much of that as you can. And despite my overblot, you tried to make a difference for us both. I appreciate that, I appreciate every moment even when back then I didn’t."
"It surprises me, you know? You forgive everyone who hurts you so easily, it makes me jealous. You smile so easily, and it used to disgust me then. Because you were smiling while I was suffering, how was that fair? It wasn't fair at all, but I failed to realize you weren't given fair cards too."
"You had struggles, you had pain, but you do so well at hiding them. You were never told things, you were sheltered, ofcourse you wouldn't have a clue. So I took out everything on you. When you had nothing to do with how I was treated or was forced to do. I always thought I was above you but I was so wrong. You're better than me at so many things."
"You don't have to forgive me, I wouldn't either. Heck, I'd probably treat myself worse if I knew a servant betrayed me..."
Jamil wipes away the tears forming in his eyes.
"Not a servant, a friend. I'd do worse if I realized a friend I trusted with all my life betrayed me. S-so, as my last few words for tonight... I'm sorry, I was wrong. I was so wrong. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve it, not a single bit of it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry...I—"
He stops himself before he slips up.
"–I hope you sleep well. Goodnight.."
He whispers his last words, standing up and walking away. He said all he can, all he can hope is Kalim atleast believes it. Not forgive, he deserves none of that, but he hopes Kalim atleast believes his words.
•~•
It's been months, since that talk. And while Jamil is sad, not being able to talk to Kalim. He understands that it's his choice. He has to respect it. It doesn't stop the pain that appears everytime he sees Kalim talking with other people. Pisses him off a little when it's Azul but whatever. It's fine.
/It isn't, but he needs to stay away. For Kalims sake./
Jamil sees him eating out with other people. He even notices Kalim getting better at cooking, he wonders if he will ever get the chance to teach him to cook something else. Probably never, but the thought is nice.
He wakes up the same time as he would before, the time he wakes up at to go and prepare Kalim. But instead of that, he now lays on his bed motionlessly, wondering what he could've done right.
It's a life he isn't used to, a life where he has so much freedom, far away from the person he thought he'd be stuck with forever. Would past Jamil be happy with this? With this life? No. Never, he just wanted to be listened to and to be understood. But he couldn't do the same to Kalim, what a hypocrite. Again, with Kalim, he should stop.
He makes Kalims favorite food as a midnight snack every once in a while when he can't sleep. It brings him comfort, more than his own favorite food. Every time he bites it, he wonders just how would Kalim react this time?
Would he smile and praise Jamil instantly? Would he gasp and eat at an abnormally fast pace? Would he jump and almost drop his plate? He wonders, but he'll never know the answer.
I guess, this is the end of them. Somehow, it sounds way sadder than it did before his overblot.
•~•
Jamil was wondering around the dorm, sweeping around. It was a late evening, most students are out of school and are inside their rooms. Jamil already finished his homework so he is cleaning. It helps relax him.
Which was much different back then, Azul told him to work on his overcleaning. And he did, though it was out of spite. He needed to calm down and not do things that could hurt other people.
Looking back at it now, it was definitely abnormal. He wishes everyone who was there to witness his obsession to drink a potion to erase their memories. He contemplates asking Azul for it, but immediately brushes the idea away.
But he has been doing other things. Other things he would've never thought he'd do, he is starting to garden. It's calming, and it's nice to learn about plants and such. Someday, he might be able to grow his own food to cook.
"J-Jamil... it's late, you should be in your room.."
That voice, Jamil stops sweeping. But he isn't surprised. He kind of expected this. He takes a breath, looking finally at the person who called for him.
"Kalim... I just wanted to clean up a little, it's quite messy in this area, isn't it?"
He asks Kalim, genuinely. It is quite messy in this area of the dorm.
"Hah... well some complaints have said that you have cleaned so much the past few months.."
"A-ah well— that was before, I've been doing good at controling it now..."
Jamil flusters, bringing his hood up to hide his embarrassed face. Kalim snickers softly, trying his best to hide his laugh.
"Y-yes yes... I've heard.."
Kalim is more reserved, kind of shy now. But it's cute, it might be awkward but it's cute. There was silence. Jamil doesn't quite like it, he looks away while coughing in his fist.
"I guess it is quiet late, I'll be on my way back—"
He gets interrupted as Kalim hugs him from behind. His ears immediately go red, as well as his cheeks. After a few moments of silence, Kalim speaks.
"I miss this.."
That one sentence, and the way he sounded so vulnerable while saying it. It made Jamil drop his broom and turn around, hugging Kalim back. He nuzzles his face in Kalims hair.
"...I miss you"
Jamil responds as Kalim irks. Jamil can immediately feel his shirt getting wet. Ah, Kalim is crying. He supposes its fine to cry then as well. Kalim is back in his arms afterall.
"I– I always thought o-of that day *hic* The day y-you said sorry.. I was so sad.. I– You were right... I–I don't owe you my forgiveness! W-which is why I decided to just leave you alone for a while.. I– I get it's kind of petty but—"
Jamil laughs softly, hugging him tighter.
"I-I know... I know... it isn't petty. I deserved much longer.."
"–But I don't want to stop what we have.."
Kalim says, shutting Jamil up immediately.
"..what we have...?"
Jamil questions, feeling panic go through him as Kalim pulls back, thinking he said something wrong. He was about to apologize until he felt something soft on his lips. His eyes widen. Kalim is kissing him. He can't help but repeat the thought in his head, like he needs to reassure himself it's real.
Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him. Kalim is kissing him.
He feels like he is going crazy. Like he is just dreaming. He soon realizes that he wasn't, he wishes it wasn't because Kalim pulled back. Kalims face is all red, and his eyes look at him like he was a diamond on the ground. Kalim smiles softly and opens his mouth to say something.
"You're blushing.."
He says like he is teasing him, but his shy gaze and quiet voice quickly makes it obvious he is averting his embarrassment as well. Cute, it's all so cute.
"You are too.."
He says as he cups his face, feeling the warmth of his cheek. He looks directly in his eyes.
"Back then- you wanted to say it right?"
"Say..?"
"Say 'I love you' to me?"
Jamil freezes and his whole face heats up, he knows his face must match a tomato by now.
"Y-yes.."
Kalims eyes shined brighter, he hides his face in Jamils neck. Mumbling something.
"I... Say it.. prove it to me.."
It's unfair to Jamil, must he embarrass himself once more? It doesn't matter, he wasn't good at telling Kalim no anyway. He kisses Kalims head.
"I love you, I love you damnit. I'll say it as many times as I have to."
Jamil says confidently. Kalim stays silent, then immediately says to Jamil.
"IloveyoutooJamilmorethananythingintheworld!"
Jamil smiles, flustered, cute cute cute. He loves it so much. He wants to tease him, but decided that holding Kalim is a way better alternative.
"I don't... we don't need eachother. But I do love you.."
Jamil says, and Kalim pulls back a little to look at him.
"Ofcourse... I still want to do my own things too... b-but.. I forgive you. Thank you.."
Jamil smiles, nuzzling his nose to Kalims. They both close their eyes. It's warm, it's so warm. Everything feels like it's a cloud. Everything seems so soft and comfortable. What a good day. What a good good day indeed.
•~•
Azul is sighing for the 10th time. Riddle just covers his face out of embarrassment.
"For goodness sake, Jamil, you don't have to come to us everytime you want to give Kalim a snack to eat during his study sessions. Just give it to him yourself"
Azul says, giving Jamil a deadpan look. At first, this was a funny thing to tease Jamil about, but now it's just getting ridiculous.
"I-I can't! I-its just... way too embarrassing.."
"You and Kalim have known eachother for years! Not to mention you guys have been dating for weeks!"
Riddle screams as he stumps on his feet, he can't keep having the same conversation everytime before a study session.
"J-just— just do it!"
Jamil says as he pushes the snack to Azul and walks away. Blushing ear to ear and stumping his way back to wherever he has to go. Riddle and Azul both sigh in unison.
"Love makes all blind. I wish to never experience it."
"Me as well, Ashengrotto. Me as well."
They say but they both can be seen smiling. It's annoying, but it's for Kalim so they relent.
~The End~