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“Kisa-san, you said you've known you were gay since you were in middle school, right?”
“Yeah,” Kisa says, sipping his coffee. “Why?”
“How did you know you were gay, and not bisexual?”
Kisa snorts. “What do you think? I never felt a thing looking at girls, and it was hard for me even to pretend to be interested in them when my classmates would talk about which girls they wanted to date. Plus, you know, I found out really quickly that I loved taking it up the ass, so that kind of solidified things.”
Yukina chokes on his own coffee. “That was so… crass,” he says, spluttering.
Kisa shrugs. “You asked. Why did you want to know?”
“I've been thinking about my sexuality. I never even considered the idea that I might like men before I met you, Kisa-san, and you're so sure of yourself when it comes to your sexuality. I thought I should give it some serious thought for once.”
“And?” Kisa asks. “You're bi, right?”
“Actually, I think I'm also gay.”
Kisa does a full on spit take, spraying his coffee all over the floor. “No way,” he says, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “You? I've seen you at work. You're constantly flirting with girls.”
“I've told you already, I'm not flirting on purpose. To me, that's just being friendly! And selling manga, of course.”
“You heartbreaking devil.”
“Wouldn’t it be worse if I was doing it on purpose?!”
“If you were doing it on purpose, you would be able to turn it off!” Kisa sighs. “Whatever. That’s not the point. What do you mean, you think you’re gay? I know I said I didn't want to know about your past relationships, but you have to have slept with at least a few girls. With your looks, they must have been killing each other for the chance to get with you in high school.”
“Yeah, it was actually a problem. The girls would have fights in the courtyard, so I thought it would end if I just dated someone. Then they bullied my girlfriend so much that she dumped me.”
Kisa looks coolly over at him. “Yukina, your life is like something straight out of a manga.”
“Don't make fun of me, Kisa-san! It was hell!”
“I don't doubt that.” Kisa takes another long sip of his coffee. “Okay, so dating in high school was bad for you. What about college? You dated that girl Rio-chan, right? She seems like the type to know what she wants.”
“We did sleep together a few times while we were dating,” Yukina admits.
Weirdly, this admission doesn't hurt Kisa as much as he thought it would. He'd already assumed Yukina and Rio had had sex, so the confirmation barely even stings. Maybe he's finally growing up and getting over his pathetic, childish jealousy. Or maybe he just came to terms with it so many months ago that it just doesn't surprise him now.
“But it—I don't know, it just wasn't that good with her,” Yukina continues. “It was nothing like our first time together, Kisa-san. Rio and I didn't have any of the passion that you and I had, even though we'd been dating for a while and friends before that.”
“Is that why things didn't work out with her?”
“Yeah, she dumped me too. It was kind of shocking, honestly. She said sexual chemistry was really important to her. She and I didn’t have what you and I do.”
Frankly, Kisa can’t even imagine someone not enjoying sex with Yukina. But mostly he feels smug that sex with him is the best Yukina has ever had. Kisa sips his coffee again, trying to control the manic grin he can feel spreading over his face. “What about the other girls?” he asks, speaking with his face still in his cup.
“What other girls?”
“Your other college girlfriends.”
Yukina looks blankly at him. “What other college girlfriends?”
Kisa looks just as blankly back. “Wait a second. Are you telling me that I’m the second person you’ve ever had sex with? You didn’t date anyone else between Rio and me?”
“No. My schoolwork was more important to me than dating.”
“But you have an insatiable sex drive. Didn’t you need someone to get off with? And with your face, it would have been easy to pick up girls wherever you went.”
“I'm a hardcore monogamist,” Yukina says seriously. “I don't have flings, and I don't cheat. Sleeping around seemed pointless to me.”
Kisa flushes deep red, suddenly humiliated. He knows that Yukina’s words weren’t intended as judgment, but the difference between them is suddenly devastating. Kisa barely even remembers a time when he had only had sex with two people.
He jumps when something touches his hand, but it’s just Yukina reaching out to him. “Hey, Kisa-san. You know that’s just me, right? I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to have done.”
Kisa swallows, then nods. “Yeah, I know.” He turns his wrist, taking hold of Yukina’s hand. “Anyway, tell me more about this celibacy thing you were doing. We fuck all the time. Were you just too busy for sex?”
“Ah, well… I wouldn’t put it that way.” A pink flush creeps into Yukina’s cheeks. “It’s more like… I didn’t think I liked sex until I did it with you? That was the first time I really thought sex was worth having. And now I don’t ever want to stop having sex with you.”
Kisa blushes furiously. He opens his mouth, meaning to tell Yukina that he’s the only person that he ever wants to have sex with again, but all that comes out is, “Unbelievable. How can you have the technique of a god already?”
“Isn’t that just a sign of how good our chemistry is? The first couple months, I was just guessing. Now I actually know what you like. Makes me wonder just how good sex can be with even more time for us to get to know each other’s tastes.”
“If it gets any better, I think I might die.”
“I sure hope not! Sex isn’t supposed to be a matter of life and death, I’m pretty sure.”
Kisa narrows his eyes at him. “Didn’t you admit to deliberately fucking me until I fall asleep every time? Not too long ago, either. Sounds like you take it pretty seriously.”
Yukina covers his face. “Please don’t bring that up again. It’s very embarrassing.”
“Imagine how I must have felt! You made me feel so old that I thought I was going to crumble into dust.”
“It was the only way I could think of to make sure you weren’t thinking of other guys!”
“Why would I think of other guys when I have you? My head’s so full of thoughts of you, I can barely concentrate on work sometimes.” As soon as the words leave Kisa’s mouth, he regrets them. They’re all true, but he didn’t mean to admit that. It’s embarrassing. Yukina glows with pride when he hears it, though, so maybe it’s not all bad. Kisa sighs and drains the remainder of his cooling coffee. Yukina just sits there, smiling at him. “So… We’re just a couple of homos then, I guess?” Kisa says, setting his empty mug on the table.
“I wouldn’t exactly phrase it that way. More like a gay couple deeply in love?”
Kisa blushes again. “I’m not going to say that.”
“But you’re not denying it!” Yukina grins. Kisa closes his eyes against the bright flash of Yukina’s sparkly aura. Yukina seems not to notice, because he unleashes a romantic monologue that makes Kisa feel like there are roses blooming all around them. He can even smell them.
“I love you, Kisa-san. You’ve changed my life in so many ways. Before you, I never knew that I could fall in love like this. I never knew sex could feel this good. I never knew that I could feel this much happiness just from being in the same room as another person. And graduate school, moving to this house—I did those things for me, but for the me who’s in love with you. I don’t think I would have been this determined to make a living from my art if I didn’t have moving in with you as a goal. I don’t think I would have had the courage to chase after my dreams if one of those dreams wasn’t being with you every day for the rest of my life. You’ve changed me, Kisa-san. I’m better because of you. And I am so wildly in love with you.”
Kisa does his best to look past the shoujo manga screentones, past the sparkles and the roses and the pink haze in the air so he can really look into Yukina’s eyes. He’s lucky he’s sitting down; he has the feeling that his knees would have gone weak if he was standing. There’s so much love in Yukina’s face right now. It softens Kisa, melts the tension out of his shoulders and fills his chest with the kind of happiness he used to think he was incapable of feeling.
“I love you too, Yukina,” he says. “Every day, I fall more and more in love with you. And it’s not just your face, not just your body—it’s your passion. It’s your devotion. It’s every part of you.”
Yukina abandons all decorum and climbs over the table to get his arms around Kisa. He knocks over their empty coffee mugs as he goes, but Kisa’s face is too full of Yukina’s chest to notice. Yukina’s hand is on the back of Kisa’s head, all tangled up in his hair, and his lips are on every part of Kisa that he can reach.
“Stop kissing my forehead and kiss me on the mouth,” Kisa says, his own arms wrapping themselves around Yukina’s torso.
“Anything for you, Shouta-san,” Yukina says. Kisa doesn’t even get the chance to blush before Yukina kisses him, his tongue sliding between Kisa’s lips.
They kiss for so long that Kisa’s lips grow a little sore, and he starts craving Yukina’s dick between them instead of just his tongue. He pulls back, panting. “You would tell me,” Kisa says, wiping his mouth, “if you decided you are bi after all? If— If there was a woman that you were attracted to, or something like that. You’d tell me?”
“If that’s what you want me to do,” Yukina says. “But Kisa-san, I really don’t think that’s ever going to happen. That’s just you thinking negatively again. It’s gonna be you and me forever. You’re the only person, of any gender, that I’ve got eyes for anymore.”
“Your family’s going to be so disappointed,” Kisa says. He can’t help it. But Yukina just kisses him again.
“They’ll be happy I’ve found ‘the one.’ You’re not just a boyfriend to me, you know. You’re my life partner. I want to share everything with you for the rest of our lives. My family will be glad to know that I’ve found that. They'll be happy for me.”
Kisa grips Yukina’s arm, his fingers clutching at the fabric of his sleeve. He can’t imagine a family feeling that way about having a gay son. But Yukina’s family isn’t like his own.
“Should I, um, greet them?” he asks. “Not— Not soon. But eventually, they’re going to wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend, why you’re not settling down, why you’re not married, and I… I don’t want to be a secret you have to keep from them forever.”
Yukina squeezes him so tightly that Kisa wonders for a moment if his ribs are going to snap. “I would really love for you to meet my parents one day,” Yukina says. “Whenever you’re ready. And I know that’s a big step, so it’s not a problem if it takes time, but I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about anything. They’ll love you because I love you.”
“I love you too,” Kisa says. He leans his head against Yukina’s chest, breathing in the sunshine smell of him. “I really, really do.”