Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*Updating the newbies*

theaterlvr: hey guys welcome to discord!

Joan of Arc: Hello!… Whoever you are!

theaterlvr: omgg i’m sorry joan i forgot to tell you on this app some people called mods can change the names of other people to something that’s not their own. 

like a nickname!

I’m Harriet

Joan of Arc: Oh! Hi Harriet!! It’s ok, I’m just glad you taught us how to use these things in the first place! 

JFK: Er uh, what’s the big deal hear? why is my uh phone buzing out of my pocket.

Frideeznuts: dude did you just type out your vocal tick?

JFK: oh are you shaming me for having uh ticks now? I’ll have you know they happen in my writhing too. Er uh, I thought this year was progressive and studf

theatrelvr: who in the hell taught JFK what ticks were

and who taught him to identify them??!?

confusions420: Ooop- that was me!! haha when he first starting doing them i was asking him if he had any other ticks he wanted me to be aware of/ needed accommodations for

annddd well he didn’t know what they were so i explained them!

…he then told that he does have another tick about quote “grabbing hot broads asses” unquote so i then explained it to him again

this time with a powerpoint!… then i had to explain what powerpoint's were 😅

theatrelvr: you have no idea what power you gave this man

actually judging from the 3rd line you do

Abe Lincoln: Hey guys is this the group chat?

Top_her_69: no this is a completely different group chat that you weren’t invited to. how did you get in here??

Abe Lincoln: I uh.. i don’t know. I just tapped the thing Harriet told me to. I can turn my phone off if you want me to!

theatrelvr: Abe no he was messing with you

ANYWAYS me and Frida decided to help new clones get socially adjusted to the modern era we should create a group chat where you can bring any questions or concerns free of judgement to us

Frideeznuts: yeah we know Scudworth has you guys in specialized classes and stuff to catch up but we figured hey! who knows more about what’s modern socialization then modern teens… plus we don’t exactly trust him to give you all the correct history of how things went down

confusions420: We’ll let you know all the proper internet etiquette haha! Cause trust me there is a LOT of rules!!

Joan of Arc: Awww, thank you so much guys! I just wanted to say, from all of us 03 clones, we appreciate the help. Even if we don’t show it @Cleopatra

theatrelvr: OMG Joan!!!! You did it you used an @ correctly!!

Cleopatra: Umm. Excuse me I was voted most popular girl at our school 3 years in a row. I think I can figure it out for myself what is in and what isn’t.

Cleopatra: However one never passes up free homework answers, so because of that and that alone, I will stay.

Abe Lincoln: Great!

JFK: Great!

Joan of Arc: Great.

theatrelvr: Ok i know you guys have alternate schedules for your first semester, to catch up and what not but modern clones can also take your classes as electives! So tell me what are your classes?

Joan of Arc: Ok first we got modern history, then modern math, modern science, modern english, modern ethics/morals, modern lunch, modern health, modern study hall, and digital art!

theatrelvr: … oh wow those are the classes actual names huh?

Hey! hey… at least you got digital art!

Joan of Arc: Oh that’s not its actual name I just forgot what it was called. Oh! It’s called Understanding Modern Memes and How to Create Your Own :D

theatrelvr: ok firstly greeeeat use of emoticons secondly, @confusions420 @Frideeznuts guys a word

*THE BESTIES🤪🤭🥰*

theatrelvr: G U Y S

WE HAVE TO HELP THEM SCUDWORTH IS GOING TO SOCIALLY RUIN THEM

Frideeznuts: Harr i know but we only have so many free spaces

i have room for art and history but that’s it

confusions420: I can take english and history!!! B)

theatrelvr: that’s great but i only have room for math and science and that’s it

i don’t think we can leave them alone for even a class or they’re going to fall behind majorly 

Frideeznuts: i think we may need to call in back up

theatrelvr: N O. you don’t mean

Frideeznuts: yes… topher bus

Top_her_69: you rang?

theatrelvr: JESÚS CRISTO OUR LOCAL JANITOR HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE

Top_her_69: i think Confucius added me as a bet?

confusions420: I did!! B’) 

Top_her_69: anyways i’ll do it but i require a favor…

theatrelvr: If it’s a date or sex i’m cancelling you on twitter.

Top_her_69: HOW DARE YOU?

I am an upstanding citizen of the law and would never try to solicit anything from any woman.

Even without the law as a straight white male it is my civil duty to push back against harmful stereotypes and dedicate my life to protecting all women from men like the ones you just described.

no all i want is… social protection

Frideeznuts: ????

Top_her_69: all my life i have been harassed by the popular and socially acceptable

for once in my life i want to be protected by a group of populars and go about school day unbothered

this would entail: sitting with you at lunch, at minimum casual conversation in between classes, free sharing of homework, and 1 get out of being bullied card per person which i may redeem at any time and you have to protect me from whichever bully is bothering me that day

theatrelvr: You know i thought he would be a lot more demanding

sure? uh… we agree to these terms?

Top_her_69: it’s settled then! i’ll cover any and all left over classes

theatrelvr: great… side note: remember to remove Topher later

Frideeznuts: fr. pinned

*Updating the newbies*

theatrelvr: Hey guys guess what! We figured it out and at least one of us will be in each of your classes helping guide the way!

Joan of Arc: Omg!! Thank you so much you guys I can’t explain how thankful we are to you.

theatrelvr: Omg literally no need Joan! We’re happy to help.

Joan of Arc: Oh, but there has got to be something we can do to return the favor.

theatrelvr: No no! We are happy to help! All we want is your happiness and maybe your friendship 🤗

Joan of Arc: Awww. Harriet! 🤭😌😋

Top_her_69: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF SOMEONE DOESNT FIX THEIR GRAMMAR AND GET HER A PROPER USERNAME IM GOING TO THROW MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW

MY EYES ARE BLEEDING FROM ALL THESE CAPITALS AND PROPER PUNCTUATION 

Frideeznuts: …

Frideeznuts: Topher… who let you back into the house?

theatrelvr: Confucius give them admin privileges for like 2 minutes before Topher shits his pants

confusions420: can do BD

theatrelvr: And stop using those stupid emoticons there are better ones out there

confusions420: B’(

*Joan of Arc changed their name to D’arc and D’reary*

theatrelvr: ooooo! nice word play Joan!!

*Cleopatra changed their name to Queen Clee👑*

*Abe Lincoln changed their name to Honest_Abe*

Top_her_69: lame

Frideeznuts: literally stfu

confusions420: isn’t your username also just your name???

*JFK changed their name to bitchesandbroads*

confusions420: omg JFK is that a bo burnham reference???

bitchesnbroads: bo who ham?

confusions420: (ुŏ̥̥̥̥ ‸ ŏ̥̥̥̥) ु

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D’arc and D’reary: OMG HARRIET WE FINALLY GOT TOGETHER

I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY WANTED TO DATE ME AFTER IT

WE TECHNICALLY HAVENT HAD SEX FOR 20 YEARS

I GUESS THAT MEANS I RODE-

Top_her_69: WRONG CHAT JOAN OF ARC WRONG CHAT

theatrelvr: YAY JOAN!!

but also ohh noooo Joan *ಥ_ಥ*

D’arc and D’reary: … excuse me while i go jump off a cliff

theatrelvr: WAIT JOAN DONT-

Top_her_69: why are you freaking out rn she deserves some online shaming

theatrelvr: SHES AN 03’ CLONE SHE MIGHT ACTUALLY DO IT

Frideeznuts: JOAN PLZ DONT

D’arc and D’reary: .. you guys do realize we had sarcasm back then too right?

you also realize we made even worse jokes about killing ourselves and our friends because no one gave a shit???

theatrelvr: … Of coursseeee we did!!

*The OG’s 💪😎*

theatrelvr: add that to the list

Frideeznuts: already on it

*Updating the newbies*

bitchesnbroads: joan i sorry to tell you but i’ve decide to join a cogragation

*congragerton

**congregocean

D’arc and D’reary: ???

bitchesnbroads: god damn it

i’m swearing off sex and becoming a priest

theatrelvr: HUH?

Top_her_69: WOAH

Honest_Abe: WHAT?????

D’arc and D’reary: WHAT?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN

bitchesnbroads: THE INTERNET IS UHH A SCARY PLACE AND I CANT KEEP UP WITH ALL THESE NEW STYLES

I DONT WANT TO ER UH DISAPPOINT YOU BUT I CANT DO THIS MORDEN STUFF

D’arc and D’reary: …

@CONFUSIONS420 WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM????

confusions420: TO BE FAIR HE ASKED ME WHAT CHICKS LIKE THESE DAYS

SO TO GET HIM AS MUCH INFORMATION AS POSSIBLE I MAY HAVE UH…

theatrelvr: CONFUCIUS NO-

confusions420: i took him to urban dictionary

(( ´∀`;))

D’arc and D’reary: NO- (harriet what is that)

theatrelvr: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK (i’ll dm you a link)

Frideeznuts: DUDE WHY IS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU WOULD SHOW HIM??

A SINGLE PAGE OF THAT SITE WOULD HAVE SCARRED HIM BUT YOU SHOWED HIM THE SEX STUFF???? 

D’arc and D’reary: never mind

theatrelvr: OH SHIT WAIT-

D’arc and D’reary: i understand now

theatrelvr: NO STOP IVE MADE A MISTAKE

D’arc and D’reary: no don’t stop me, i’m going the way of my clone mother before me

and hopefully i will go out the way of my clone mother before me

Frideeznuts: CMON MAN IT COULDNT HAVE BEEN SO BAD YOU WANT TO BE BURNED ALIVE

D’arc and D’reary: i never want to see the word unicorn again

bitchesnbroads: SHUT UO SHUT UP SHUTUPSHUTUO

D’arc and D’reary: so, so many fluids

Frideeznuts: confucius you have to stop showing these guys these things 

these guys are like internet infants in the vast sea of content

you are throwing little babies into the deep end of a pool… without life preservers!!

confusions420: tbf!!! how am i supposed to know what’s going to traumatize them??

theatrelvr: you can take a guess??? there are so many things that would kill these guys if not introduced slowly

Frideeznuts: i have a whole list: a single sip of mcdonald’s sprite, a mildly customized starbucks drink, a cvs receipt, any interaction with an ipad kid, an ipad

it really isn’t hard to think of think of things that would/could traumatize them

Top_her_69: a sixth of a weed brownie, the existence of bronies, furries in general actually

theatrelvr: lmaooo i got some too

gameplay youtubers, half of all modern games, the history of yandere simulator 

confusions420: omg!! i forgot about that game lololol

omg a single game theory would fry their brains

Frideeznuts: holy shit i think a moble game ad would actually cause one of them to combust 

theatrelvr: one word: fanfiction

Frideeznuts: STFU CAUSE YOURE SO RIGHT THOUGH

Top_her_69: a minecraft youtuber… any of them

confusions420: hah!! topher that was actually a good one! i don’t even want to know what would even happen if they found out any of the controversy surrounding them

theaterlvr: TRISHA PAYTAS

Frideeznuts: OMG JUST A TIKTOK OF HERS WOULD ANNIHILATE THEM

Honest_Abe: Wow! I can’t wait to learn what all these words mean so I can understand the joke!

[four people reacted with 👀]

*Frideeznuts, theaterlvr, confusions420, and Top_her_69 have left the chat*

Honest_Abe: What did I say? 😀❓

Chapter Text

theatrelvr: Guys, serious talk here.

We started this group chat as a way to help educate former clones on all things cool,  how to properly act in society, and internet culture and i feel all we have done is traumatize them

We are teaching them about furries and cringe compilations when we should be teaching them about internet safety and how to avoid scams!

We should be helping them instead of hurting them!

and i just have to say I am disappointed in all of you

Frideeznuts: … girl

you literally just binged watched Twilight with Joan and Cleo

you turned them both into fan girls

D’arc and D’reary: DID SOMEONE SAY TWILIGHT

Queen Clee 👑 : VIVA LA TEAM EDWARD FUCK YOU

D’arc and D’reary: FUCK YOU

EDWARD LOST

JACOB WON

BELLAS HEART ALWAYS BELONGED TO JACOB

Queen Clee 👑 : HE WAS LITERALLY SO TOXIC I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES RN OMG

D’arc and D’reary: EDWARDS BORING.

ALSO HE WASNT TOXIC HE DID IT ALL BECAUSE HE  LOVED HER 

Queen Clee 👑 : WE LOVE A PROTECTIVE MAN WHAT WE DONT LOVE IS A POSSESSIVE MAN

JACOB WAS POSSESSIVE AND THE FACT THAT HE DID IT CAUSE HE ‘LOVED HER’ IS ALMOST WORSE

LIKE???

D’arc and D’reary: HE MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE POSSESSIVE BUT THATS PART OF WHAT MAKES HIM HOT

PLUS BELLA WAS MATURE, HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD HER

 SO IM SURE SHE UNDERSTOOD WHY HE ACTED THE WAY HE DID

Queen Clee 👑 : YOU ARE SUPPORTING A PREDATOR HES HUNDREDS OF YEARS OLD

HE COULD DATE ANYONE HE WANTED

BUT NOOOOOO HE WANTS TO DATE A TEENAGE GIRL

D’arc and D’reary: OH WERE GOING THERE HUH?

ONE WORD: RENESMEE 

Queen Clee 👑 : YOU BITCH

Honest_Abe: Woah! I didn’t know there was so much drama surrounding colorful horses! :0

theatrelvr: ????

Frideeznuts: bitch what?

D’arc and D’reary: hold on pause-

Queen Clee 👑 : agreed. abe tf are you talking about??

Top_her_69: ABE-

heh heh stfu please

Honest_Abe: But Topher, I thought Twilight was a purple horse! 

Top_her_69: ABE!

i literally just said shut up!

Honest_Abe: I didn’t know horses singing songs about friendship could have so much drama! It must really rev up in the later seasons, cause we’ve only seen a few episodes-

Top_her_69: I ONLY SHOWED YOU THOSE EPISODES SO YOU KNOE WHAT THE CHARACTERS LOOK LIKE

Frideeznuts: topher?? 

are you and abe

watching My Little Pony??

Top_her_69: I ONLY SHOWED HIK THE SHOW BECAUSE YOU GUYS BROUGHT UP THINGS THAT WOULD TRAMATIZE THEM AND HE STARTED ASKING QUESTIONS SO I WAS FORCED TO SHOW HIM WHAT FANDOMS TO AVOID

Honest_Abe: But Topher! You were the one who sat me down last sleepover and made me watch-

*Honest_Abe has left the chat*

Top_her_69: OH LOOK AT THAT IT SEEMS HE DISCONNECT OH NO

theatrelvr: topher… 

Top_her_69: WHAT?

theatrelvr: we all know you watch My Little Pony

Top_her_69: NO I DONT

I WAS LOOKING OUT FOR A FRIEND

I WANTED HIM TO KNOW WHAT THINGS TO AVOID

INTERTNET CULTURE STUFF

YOU SAID WE NEEDED TO HELP MORE

IM JUST DOING WHAT YOU ASKED

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOURE THE ONE WHO WATCHES MY LITTLE PONY

Frideeznuts: topher first of all chill tf out

second of all…

no one cares

Top_her_69: But! Harriet was just- 

she said!

Frideeznuts: she was just asking a question

no malice

no hate

just a question 

in which no one care what the answer is

bitchesandbroads: gay

Top_her_69: I AM A CIS STRAIGHT WHITE MAN

Frideeznuts: I JUST CALMED HIM DOWN

ok JFK might care but literally no one else does

Top_her_69: <(｀^´)>

Frideeznuts: oh my god are you still pouting??

Top_her_69: 凸(ಠ_ಠ)凸

Frideeznuts: omfgggg

Harr cross off this months vulnerability token

toph.. i still watch MLP

bitchesandbroads: my point still stands. gay

Top_her_69: cishet men can watch My Little Pony! In fact, of the adult fandom they make up 67%!

if only my mother understood that

theatrelvr: oh?? lore?!

Frideeznuts: yo toph you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to

Top_her_69: it’s fine i don’t really care

theatrelvr: you know topher lore??!?!?

Frideeznuts: i literally lived right next door to him of course i do

Top_her_69: yeah anyways my own mother thought i was a homosexual after i showed an interest in this show

even though i was like 6 or something

she used to be suupperrr religious

she started taking me to church like everyday

after trying and failing to ‘fix’ me herself she put me in a camp lmao

theatrelvr: Ó_Ò

Top_her_69: anyways the joke was on her cause the camp turned out to be a secret LGBTQ+ ally camp disguising itself as a catholic ‘pray the gay away’ camp lmaooo

she lost her shit after she found out

and as i grew up i started secluding myself and and spent a lot of time on the internet forming my own opinions and stuff

she was so pissed she actually scheduled me for electroshock therapy 

but she kept taking L after L cause the doctor who was supposed to do the operation got arrested hah!

theatrelvr: oh my god

Top_her_69: yeah and after that she kinda just lost her mind completely

tbh im glad though she’s a lot less pushy this way 

hah! good ol’ mom may i quote her from her Jesus years ‘got what was coming to her’ cause all this time im still cis and straight!!

Queen Clee👑: FUCK YOU TOPHER BUS

Top_her_69: what did i do!?!?

Queen Clee👑: how dare you make me feel bad for you??? you are the human equivalent of possum and i am feeling bad for you!!

i don’t feel bad for anyone!!’

theatrelvr: omg i’m so glad it’s not just me

D’arc and D’reary: was literally thinking the same thing

Frideeznuts: good job topher admitting you have trauma is the first step to healing

now time to get you to a therapist-

Top_her_69: IM NOT GOING BACK TO THE PSYCH WARD SUSAN YOU CANT MAKE ME

Frideeznuts: … H a r r i e t

theatrelvr: Joan, Confusious, Cleo, and I are already calling every local office

also abe says give him his phone back

Top_her_69: oh yeah that…

Honest_Abe: Toph?? Are you ok?

*Top_her_69 has left the chat*

Honest_Abe: Don’t panic guys! I’ve got this!

*Honest_Abe has left the chat*

bitchesnbroads: he totally does not got this

D’arc and D’reary: yeah.. but at least angry is better then sad… probably???

*sleepover buddies*

Honest_Abe: sleepover?

Top_her_69: not really feeling it, maybe tomorrow

Honest_Abe: you can come to my house :)

i have a netflix account with My Little Pony :D

Top_her_69: dork… i’m on my way

Honest_Abe: :DD