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The question actually caught him a bit off-guard. ‘Where does Justin Bieber want to be in ten years?’ it was a good one, despite the fact that the sound of his name coming out of people’s mouths like that still made him feel a bit weird. He took a long moment to think about it and then looked over at James. “I wanna be secure in myself, have a family,” He said, wanting to go on but knowing the cameras were watching. James had seemed surprised by the admission and complimented him on the maturity of the answer, he’d just sort of shrugged at it and laughed it off with one of his pretty little grins.
People always took Justin at his face value, never looked deeper than the admittedly talented and attractive exterior. It was something he actually struggled with all the time and he had the new tattoo to remind of how hard he could sometimes be on himself. It was late that night and he staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom, sort of just laying there and thinking about life, something he’d been apt to do lately, and something he had never quite gotten used to the feeling of.
It was hard to imagine having a life away from the attention and the fame, something simple and comfortable and simply for himself, but at the same time it called to him with a siren song stronger than any he had yet to feel. He wondered how many people had noticed the way he’d phrased it, knowing it was just subtle enough to not really arouse suspicion, but enough that the observant ones would run with it, and that brought him back to the same question he’d been asking himself for a while.
It’s not as if his sexuality wasn’t talked about on the regular, but he’d very carefully avoided really commenting on it and just let people assume he was straight. It was only half true, and he didn’t think now was the time to reveal it, but at the same time, one of his biggest struggles was his attraction to men. He’d never really been homophobic, or ashamed of it personally, but the fame made it nigh on impossible to explore that part of himself and it was nights like this that made him really worried and concerned about it. He turned his head and noticed his bedmate sleeping peacefully. The sight brought a little smile to his face and he shifted over to snuggled up on the other man’s chest, just relaxing and trying to fall back asleep.
An hour or so passed and he realized it was fruitless, so he gently untangled himself from sunkissed, supple flesh. He stood and stretched, walking towards the balcony and pausing only long enough to pull on a pair of lounge pants. He leaned against the railing and looked out to the ocean, just sort of watching the relatively calm surf as it splashed up and down across the sand. He lost track of time and didn’t really come back to conscious awareness until he felt a pair of muscular arms sliding around his waist. After a split second of surprise he relaxed against his lover’s chest and took a deep breath of the salty ocean air. “I’m sorry I woke you.” He murmured, just audible over the crashing waves.
“Don’t be.” The deep voice rumbled through Justin’s entire form and he felt his heart skip a beat as it did every time he was held like this. Something about the other man was just perfection to him and he couldn’t help but melt a bit every time his lover spoke. “Couldn’t sleep again?” The tone was soft and conversational, but the undercut of concern reminded Justin how much he was cared for.
“No.” He murmured back, just as soft. “Just been thinking,” He added softly. “You saw the video, right?” He didn’t need to look to know that the other man nodded and he gently turned himself around in the affectionate hold, catching the chocolate brown eyes with his own lighter shades. “I keep thinking about how he asked about where I wanna be in ten years… and my reply,” He said slowly, continuing when the other nodded. “I meant it, and I guess…” Here he had to pause and take a breath that was just a tiny bit shaky, something the other man noticed, simply tightening his hold slightly in a show of support. “I know.” He corrected himself deliberately as he continued. “That I want you to be a part of that.” He finished evenly. “I know that now isn’t the time, but I want you to be there with me, for the rest of our lives.” He bit his lip. “We can’t make it official, not until some things have changed, and I’ve figured things out for the public, but I need you to understand that I feel that way.”
He was caught off guard when the other man laughed deeply at him and just leaned to give him a soft affectionate kiss. “I spend every night here. I have a whole closet of my own, and you know how I like my coffee. Nine out of ten mornings I wake up to a perfectly prepared mug of coffee because you know exactly how I take it, and when I get here you always have my favorite drink waiting for me. I’m as much a part of your life as I can be, with things how they are, and while I yearn for the day when it can be more, I am happy with you Justin. You don’t need to tell me that, I already know.”
Justin couldn’t help as a big dopey grin broke out on his face. “Yeah, well, I love you,” He replied, the words spilling out casually. He paused and blinked, surprised at himself. They hadn’t actually said it, not quite so directly and he blinked once, twice. “I do. I love you.” He said, a bit more firmly, a bit more seriously.
Another of those laughs like Justin was late to his own party. “I love you, too.” He said with a little shake of his head and then kissed Justin again, harder and deeper and more passionately.
Long artistic fingers found their way into ebony curls and tugged slightly between kissed, and then Justin pulled back only after his lungs seared for oxygen. “We should go back to bed.” He said softly, but there was no desperation and need in his voice. He realized with a little smile that he didn’t just want a bedmate anymore, he wanted a real proper relationship with this man. As they moved back to bed he resolved to set up a nice little proper date for the next night, and for the first time in years, when he laid down to sleep and snuggled up to the person next to him he relaxed completely.
That night he slept better than he had in a long time and he woke the next morning refreshed, happy and just overall feeling better about things.