Work Text:
Bobby walked out of his office, frown etched onto his face as he grabbed his tea from the counter. Staring at it as he tried to solve the phone call that he had just received.
"Hey, Cap. What's going on?" Chimney asked from the couch. He and Hen were in the middle of a card game. They had been trying to learn a new one every week to keep entertained on shifts. So far they were on the seventh card game and already struggling to find more.
"Last time you had a frown like that was when May left for her girls holiday." Hen commented lightly as she placed down two cards.
"Buck called out for the rest of the week." Bobby replied, eyes furrowing as he did.
Buck had received a phone call after they had returned to the station. Bobby noticed his pale face and the way he stumbled as he agreed to whatever the person on the phone had said. Bobby looked over him and asked if Buck needed to leave. Buck had let out a sigh of relief and nodded, hands trembling as he thanked Bobby, rushing out of the station, spitting out a goodbye to the others.
"What?" Eddie spat out, arms crossing as he sat down next to Hen. "I don't even remember the last time he called out sick. Usually, you send him home."
Bobby finished his tea as he agreed.
"Is this about the phone call earlier?" Hen asked and Bobby shrugged.
"I'll give Maddie a text." Chim commented, already pulling out his phone.
"I'm busy tonight but maybe someone could go see him?" Hen suggested.
Eddie shook his head apologetically before sighing. "Chris has parent-teacher evening tonight."
"Maddie and I don't have anyone to watch Jee-Yun." Chimney shrugged before letting out a small sigh. "Maddie says Buck cancelled on her tomorrow and said he needs some space."
Bobby rinsed off his mug ,washing it off. "Well, he didn't ask that of me. I'll go."
"Bobby, is that a good idea?" Hen asked gently. "He asked Maddie for space."
"He didn't ask me for space when he called in." Bobby stood his ground. "I finish eight hours earlier then you guys anyways. I'll let you know if anything happens."
The day continued, Bobby finished his shift an hour and a half later. He went back home to shower and sleep. He explained the situation to Athena who encouraged him to go. So, he left his house and drove to Buck's, hoping that the younger man had time to accept whatever he heard on the phone. He knew Buck needed time to process things before he could talk about them. It took him six months to discuss the firetruck bombing, and took him even longer to accept that his leg would always have flare ups.
Bobby knocked, rubbing at his wrists as he waited for Buck to answer the door. He was aware it was ten in the morning so Buck could be asleep. Bobby turned to leave when the door opened. Bobby jumped lightly, taking in Buck's dishevelled hair, red rimmed eyes, and overall negativity.
"Buck-"
"I called off-?" Buck stuttered out, pulling at his hoodie strings.
"Can I come in?" Bobby interrupted softly. Buck nodded softly, moving aside as Bobby walked in.
He walked towards the kitchen when he heard the pattering of familiar paws against the hardwood floors.
"Hey, Tessa." He gave the Carpathian Shepherd a few comforting pats before he stood up straight, watching the dog hobble to the living area. He took in the area. Buck's mattress was on the floor, alongside Tessa's favourite blanket (a soft knitted blanket fading from red to orange), a couple of treat packets scattered on the floor. Tessa pulled herself onto Buck's mattress before letting out a small thump as she laid down, her head resting on her favourite stuffed toy. A floppy white rabbit.
Bobby's thoughts were interrupted by Buck's sniffle as walked over to the mattress, sitting on the floor beside it as he stroked Tessa's fur.
"If your leg is acting up, we can help you, Buck-" Bobby said firmly but Buck shook his head. Buck let out a small sob as he rubbed his face, Bobby rushed over, kneeling beside him. "Buck, let me help you. Please."
Buck let out a small whimper, before he said, "They're putting her down. She's not getting better. She'll just-" He sobbed. "She'll just be in pain."
Bobby blanched, as he pulled Buck into a hug and the younger man let out a guttural sob.
"I couldn't work. She's my - I - She's always been here." Buck sobbed.
"Hey, it's okay, take time." Bobby said and he wasn't lying.
Buck had Tessa long before he started working at the 118. Longer then when he started training to be a firefighter. She was one when Buck adopted her, well she adopted him Buck had always joked. He had been sat on a park bench, past midnight, when he was trying to figure out what to do with his life when she sat next to him. He had ranted to her as he organised his thoughts and she stared at him with his big brown eyes before laying on his lap. Buck got her checked out at a vets and they were inseparable since. Now, she was almost twelve years old and exhaustion had started attacking her bones. Her fur was more black then grey except her left ear that was exceptionally grey, but as time passed, her black hairs were tinted grey from her age.
"She didn't get up last week." Buck whispered, pulling away from Bobby to stare at Tessa. "She- She used to bound to the door for her walk. I knew that she was old but I took her to the vet and they - they found her bones were decaying. She's been in so much pain, haven't you, sweetheart?" The dog licked at his tears and Buck choked out a laugh. "You know how much she hates sleeping alone. I couldn't leave her, she's done more for me. The vets told me she was going to be in pain until it just killed her or I could euthanise her. They called to let me know that they had an available appointment to -"
"Hey, you're not alone." Bobby whispered softly. "I can drive you. What time is the appointment?"
"Five but I wanted to spend the day with her. Get her some Popeyes, a Pup-Cup. Sit at the beach." Buck whispered. "I wanted her last day to a good one. Do the things I wouldn't allow."
"Okay. We can leave now, beat the traffic a little bit. Are you going to change?" Bobby asked, softly.
Buck shook his head. "She loves this hoodie."
She did. It was stained with slobber and always had dog hair no matter how many times he lint rolled it. The strings were strayed and there was a small hold at the sleeves from when she would chew it. Bobby huffed out a laugh as he got himself to his feet, holding out a hand for Buck to pull himself up alongside him. Bobby grabbed her blanket and her favourite toy as Buck grabbed two towels. Bobby took them to get settled up as Buck harnessed her up, grabbing the pink leash. Bobby grabbed his phone, informing the others of the situation and to let Buck grieve privately (They had a group chat named Operation Buck Up Buck from the firetruck accident).
Despite her being on a leash, Buck still pick up Tessa, asking Bobby to grab the door for him as they made their way to the car. Normally, she would be in the back but Buck set her inbetween his legs, gently petting her as he squeezed the stuffed rabbit tightly.
"Starbucks first?" Bobby asked.
"No there's a small coffee shop nearby. They know Tess. They'll - They always give her extra." Buck said tightly.
Bobby nodded softly, asking Buck to put in the place on the GPS.
"Any music?" Bobby asked softly.
"What's on the radio?" Buck responded.
Bobby twisted the knob as he followed the GPS.
"-And the LAPD has refused to discuss the matter with us-"
Tessa let out a low growl and Buck let out a laugh, stroking her ears. He leant forward and turned the channel to a station that was playing some soft 80s rock. "She's not the biggest Taylor Kelly fan." Buck chuckled.
Bobby let out a laugh as he glanced at the GPS. "Hey, me either, Tess."
Buck rolled his eyes taking a deep breath as he stared out the window, head leaning against the cool glass. Bobby tried to resist glancing at the two of them, his worry eating away at him. He allowed to soft words to fill the car as he pulled over, stopping outside the coffee shop.
"Do you want me to go in?" Bobby asked, shutting off the car. Buck shook his head, sighing as he undid his seatbelt. Bobby rushed over to Buck's door, helping him and Tessa out. Tessa was placed on the floor, tail wagging excitedly as she limped towards the cafe. Buck chuckled softly, slowing down his pace to match her. Bobby grabbing the door for the two of them.
"Hey Buck!" A young woman called out as the bell dinged.
Buck greeted with a smile and a small greeting.
"Does my favourite boy have my favourite girl?" An older woman called from the kitchen. She pushed through the door as Tessa's tail wagged excitedly. The woman squeezed Buck's cheek before bending down and pulling out a treat from her pocket, feeding it to Tessa as she pet her. The younger woman also came round the counter, winking at Buck playfully as she also pet Tessa gently, scratching the dog between the ears.
"Oh, Bobby this is Marjorie and her daughter Liza. This is Bobby, my captain." Buck introduced them all. Marjorie pulled up from Tessa and gave Bobby a gentle handshake.
"It's a pleasure." Bobby greeted politely. Truthfully he hadn't heard too much about them but it was clear Buck liked them greatly, someone familiar to his routine outside the firehouse.
"We've heard so many good things." Marjorie chuckled lightly. "And what would you boys like today?"
"Um, my usual and Bobby will have a peppermint tea? Both in medium." He looked over at Bobby checking for confirmation.
Bobby's heart swelled at the fact the man knew his current drink obsession. He nodded before looking over at the treats lining the fridge.
"Buck, are you having the lemon tart with it?" Liza asked, putting it into the till.
"You know it." Buck smiled lightly before leaning to Bobby and pointing at the tarts. "I would try those."
Bobby snorted. "Are these the tarts that you said I could never beat?" Bobby raised an eyebrow. Buck raised his hands and shrugged.
"Guess you'll have to try them and figure that out."
Buck had once told Bobby that the lemon tarts he made was second best. Bobby pestered for a whole month and Buck never spilled on who made them better. Bobby understood now. These were some of the only people Buck had outside of the station and Bobby understands the desire to have a separation of the two.
Bobby nodded to Liza who bagged two up. Marjorie placed two takeaway cup into a cupholder before grabbing a third cup.
"That's bigger then the usual pup-cups. And I ordered medium." Buck commented as Bobby grabbed the drinks.
Marjorie came round the counter again and grabbed Buck's hands. "You look like you needed the extra boost today."
Bobby watched as Buck swallowed thickly, a choked out "Thank you." pushing through his lips as he pulled her into a hug.
Marjorie and Liza knelt beside Tessa and gave her a hug. Tessa's tail wagged happily at the attention as she slobbered the women in kisses. Bobby patted Buck's shoulder as he watched him hold back tears. Buck shook his head quietly as he took a shaky breath. After another minute Marjorie and Liza stood up, mascara smudged as they wiped at their eyes. Bobby couldn't blame them, Tessa was clearly a part of their weekly routine, a small part of joy. He doesn't know how they know the circumstances but he doesn't want to ask. Sometimes people just know. It reminds him of how he has to deliver the news to people when the victim is DOA. Sometimes people just know.
They left after tight hugs from both ladies as they walked back to the car. Bobby placed the drinks in the cup holders, tossing the carboard one to the backseat. Buck took a sip of his drink before he held out Tessa's. Bobby smiled softly, watching the dog eagerly shove her snout into the cup. He shook his head affectionally as he passed Buck some napkins.
"Okay, where to now?" Bobby asked softly.
Buck's face turned solem as he cleaned off her snout. "Um, Popeyes and then the beach." Buck replied. "Look, Bobby, I really appreciate this but you don't have to-"
Bobby shook his head, looking for a Popeyes close to the beach. "Evan. I am not going anywhere. You're my kid and I can't let you do this by yourself." Bobby said softly. "I love you. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. So, I'm staying here. If you want to cry, you do it on my shoulders, if you want to hit something, I'll put on the gloves. If you want to scream at something, scream it at me. I'm not letting you go through this on your own. Because you're not."
Buck covered his mouth as he sobbed. "Thank you so much, I-" He cried, leaning into Bobby's touch. "I love you too."
Bobby sat with Buck silently as he cried and after a few minutes, Bobby put on the Bruce Springsteen playlist Buck had made before pulling back into the road. He drove towards the beach, following the GPS' instructions. He made no effort to talk to Buck. He had glanced over at the red light and Buck was just staring at Tessa. Buck wanted every moment to memorise her, to take in every breath she harshly took.
They pulled into the drive-thru, Buck reciting his own order, as well as Tessa's. Bobby order his own meal and paid, despite Buck's protests. Once they had their food, they continued their drive to the beach, Bobby driving to a quieter spot as 'Dancing In The Dark' filled their silence.
Once they were parked at the beach, Bobby grabbed the towels as Buck carried the food and walked Tessa towards the ocean. Bobby laid down one of the towels, Buck quickly sitting on it, Bobby following suit. Buck sorted through the food. He pulled apart the chicken sandwich. They ate quietly, watching the ocean as the tide moved softly. Bobby ate his food, catching his grimace before he could make the face. He doesn't like most fast food places, he preferred to make his own versions but this was Tessa's favorite and he wasn't about to complain. Once they finished eating, Buck waited ten minutes before unclipping Tessa's leash, and she was quickly limping towards the water, testing the temperature before gently settling into the shallow end.
Bobby smiled softly at her when Buck spoke up for the first time since they ordered food.
"I don't know how I'll survive without her." He said, swallowing thickly. "She was my only friend for so long. She saved me and I don't-"
Bobby didn't say anything, he waited for the younger man to speak through it before he said anything.
"When my leg was crushed, she was the only reason I didn't die." Buck admitted quietly. Bobby's breath hitched as he looked as his kid. Buck wiped at his eyes before he continued. "When I was recovering, I knew that people were there for me but everyone would get busy and I couldn't be looked after twenty four-seven. I knew that. I don't feel negatively towards anyone over how often I was alone. I couldn't do anything, I didn't have a purpose. And my PT didn't think I was going to work again and I- I felt hopeless."
The older man couldn't breathe. He felt like the worst parent ever, he had failed the kid.
"I was laying in bed and I rolled over and there she was. Holding her leash, tail wagging and all. I didn't even think twice about it. Just grabbed her, grabbed my crutch and we were walking. She slowed down for me and we talked to Liza and Marjorie, enjoyed our drinks and when I got back to my apartment, I felt like I could breathe again." Buck shook his head. "I don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's been my rock."
Bobby understood. When Buck had been injured by the truck, Chimney and Eddie spent half an hour sneaking her into the hospital so they could be together. The next day, the doctor had said his vitals had improved. Bobby struggled to explain his Christianity at times but he truly believed Tessa was sent as a guardian angel and an apology for everything Buck had gone through. He swallowed the thoughts of who Buck would've been without her, he couldn't think of how his own guardian angel took form of a 6'2" blonde with golden retriever energy.
"I know I have all of you. And I never blamed you for how I felt. Dr Copeland says I have nature to not talk about my true feelings to protect myself." Buck scoffed. "Tess is different. She's-" Buck shrugged falling quiet.
"I can't imagine the pain you're going through." Bobby whispered. "But I know that you aren't going to be alone in this. You are not expected to swallow you're grief down. You have to let it out. Accept it, and grow around it. It doesn't leave but you learn how to cope."
Buck nodded, hugging Bobby tightly.
"It's going to feel like when Maddie left isn't it. Except she's never coming back." Buck whispered.
Bobby sighed quietly. "I know it's different but when I lost my kids I remember feeling like a building had landed on top of me. I wasn't sober but I felt more disorientated then I had on any painkillers or alcohol. And then I was numb. And then I- I blacked a lot of the pain out. But you and Hen checked in on me. I knew I needed help and I gave myself the allowance to accept it. It's going to feel different to that but you don't have to worry about hiding or blacking out that pain. Because we're here."
Buck nodded softly before he sighed. Tessa limped over to them, hopping onto Buck. Buck laughed as she rubbed saltwater onto him. He groaned light heartedly, petting her before Bobby passed him the extra towel to dry her. Buck gave her a soft pat down before Bobby checked his watch.
"Buck."
"We have to go?" Buck asked softly.
"I'm sorry, kid." Bobby replied equally as softly.
Buck nodded and they cleared up their surroundings, throwing their takeout in the bins before putting everything back in the car. Buck got into the backseat, Tessa laying across his lap and the other two seats. Bobby drove carefully to the vets, slower then usual so the two wouldn't be disturbed. Buck was talking carefully at Tessa, stroking between her ears. Bobby couldn't hear but he knew it was for the two of them and only them.
When they pulled into the parking lot, Bobby sighed and turned towards the two of them.
"You're not alone." He reminded firmly.
Buck sniffled and nodded, getting out of the car. Tessa followed, her blanket remained on her back, dragging alongside her. Bobby grabbed the rabbit as they walked into the building.
"Hi, do you guys have an appointment?" The lady at the desk, Bex her nametag read, asked softly.
"Um, yeah. Tessa. Um, my name is Evan Buckley." Buck responded and Bobby squeezed his shoulder.
Bex typed into her computer and Bobby watched as her face fell, a sad but comforting tone as she asked Buck. "I'm so sorry. I need to ask, are you taking him home to be buried or cremated?"
"Um cremated. Please." Buck stumbled out.
"Okay honey. If you could just fill this out and we can sort it all out for you."
Buck nodded and took the pen and clipboard, filling it out. Bobby glanced around the waiting room, trying to occupy his mind over the fact Buck had to decide how he wanted his best friend.
"Bobby-" Buck's choked voice made Bobby jump. "Can you write this for me? I can't-" Buck let out a small sob.
Bobby quickly grabbed the pen and looked Buck in the eyes. "Deep breaths, kid. It's okay."
Buck nodded, kneeling down to pull Tessa into a hug. Bobby willed his hands to stop shaking as he filled out the form, occasionally asking for Buck's input. After five minutes, the vet gently called Tessa and Buck's name, guiding them into the furthest room away.
"Hi Tessa." The vet greeted before turning to the two of them. "Hi guys, my name is Jill. Who's dad?" Buck raised his hand. "Have you done this before, sweetie?" Buck shook his head. "Okay, I'm going to give her two injections. One is a sedative and the other is a higher dose. We need her on the table but you can hold her, talk to her and give her all the comfort. I'm going to prep these if you would like to put her on the table and take of the harness and collar." She smiled softly as Buck nodded.
He placed her on the table, gently removing her harness. She laid down almost immediately and Buck sobbed at the action. He gently placed her blanket on top of her and Bobby stepped forward, tucking her bunny underneath her chin. She immediately snuggled into it and Buck choked on his cry. He took a deep breath as the nurse nodded to him and started pressing in the first needle.
"Hi, sweetheart. You were the bestest girl a boy could have." Tessa gave a small lick to his cheek making him stutter out a mix of a chuckle and a cry. Bobby placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "You have been such a good girl. I love you so much Tess, I love you so so much." The vet started to put the second needle in and Buck sobbed. "You can rest now baby. It's okay. I'll be okay. Thank you. I love you. I love you so much." Tessa let out one small huff and suddenly there was no movement from her.
"Okay, sweetie, I'm gonna check for her heartrate now." The vet explained her actions after the longest thirty seconds of their lives. "She's gone."
Buck let out a wail, crying out a "Dad!" as he leaned onto Tessa, hugging her tighter. Bobby wrapped his arms around his son and Tessa, kissing the top of Buck's head as the man cried.
"I'm going to give you guys a few minutes." Jill said softly before closing the door behind her.
"Oh, my girl. My beautiful girl." Buck sobbed, pulling away. "I love you so much." Bobby couldn't hide the tears that built up in his eyes.
After five minutes, Jill came back in, handing Buck leaflets and carefully unwrapping the blanket from Tessa's body and replacing it with a pink one that matched her leash. "We'll call you when her ashes are ready for collection." She grabbed the bunny and placed them both in a box along with a clipping of her fur in a smaller box. Bobby took the box and guided Buck back to the car, the younger man almost unable to walk by himself.
Buck settled into the passenger seat and leaned against the window. His eyes remained closed the entire journey. Bobby had already asked Athena to organise the guest room for them and she confessed she had done it the hour after Bobby had left to go to Buck's. Bobby knew his kid was struggling and could use familiar faces the next few days, maybe weeks.
Bobby allowed the silence to remain the whole way back. Buck was processing the sudden change. Tessa was his everyday and now she was gone. She had taken her last breath in the arms of her best friend, as words of love and thankfulness were repeated into her ears. Her gentleness and slobbery kisses were going to be missed equally among anyone that had met her.
"Thank you." Buck whispered as they pulled into the Nash-Grant driveway. "Not just letting me stay. Today. I didn't know that I would need you. I don't know what I would've done without you."
Bobby turned the car off and undid his seatbelt before turning to Buck. "You aren't every alone, Buck. I promise. You have survived so much by yourself, I'm not letting you do that again. I've got you. Everyone at the 118 does. Athena does. May, Harry, Michael, Liza, Marjorie." Bobby promised. "You're allowed to grieve. She was a huge part of your life, she always will be. You're going to live through this. I promise."
Buck undid his seatbelt and leaned over to pulled Bobby into a hug.
"Thanks dad."
"Of course, son."