Chapter Text
CHapter 1-Katniss
You say I only hear what I want to
You say I talk so all the time so.
And I thought what I felt was simple,
And I thought that I don't belong,
And now that I am leaving,
Now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you.
The song continued on the radio as Katniss tapped her fingers in time to the rhythm. Driving the old blue Toyota Tercel with chipping paint, at least it got her and her sister from point A to point B. Katniss turned up the volume of the familiar tune as it was one of her favorites. She felt that need deep inside her to sing out, but she would not. She could not. Ever since that awful day five years ago, she had for the most part silenced her voice. It reminded her too much of him. Only on her walks when she was truly alone in the woods did she ever let it out. Her sister constantly begged and pleaded for her to sing the sweet lullabies she used to hear. But even as much as she loved Primrose, the pain inside would not let her do it.
It was perfect timing as the song was ending just as Katniss pulled into the school parking lot. She was cutting it close, but knew she would make it on time to her first class. She got out and power walked to the steps that led inside, heading to first period Algebra. Madge was already seated at her desk when she entered the room and motioned for Katniss to sit at her usual desk in front of the blonde mayor's daughter. She did so, and had only relaxed for a second before the teacher began the class. After a few minutes, a piece of paper was placed on her desk.
Did you have a good weekend? What did you do? -M
Katniss smiled. Madge was really her only close friend at school, and it was nice to be able to share at least a little of her life with someone. She took her own pencil and wrote a reply.
Not much. Mom was working long shifts at the hospital, so I had to watch Prim. –K
She pretended to stretch and passed the note back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Madge open it and give a small nod. Katniss knew that meant the notes were over for the moment. She then tried to pay attention to the teacher, but the minutes seem to crawl by like a snail. Finally, the bell rang to signal it was time to go to the next period. Madge caught up with her in the hallway.
"I'm sorry that you were stuck for the weekend. Maybe we can go to a movie on Saturday for some fun."
"I'll have to let you know," Katniss signed. "Mom doesn't have her full schedule yet, so I may have to watch Prim again."
Madge looked at her with compassion, "I understand, just keep me posted. I'll see you at lunch?"
"Yeah, see you there," and the parted, with Katniss then headed to history class. She found her seat, and once again tried to pay attention to what seemed like a never ending lecture. At least there was one distraction in this class, she thought. And with that thought turned her head to look at said distraction. As she did, Katniss caught wavy blonde hair and deep blue eyes staring right back at her. She quickly turned her eyes back to the front of the classroom.
How stupid she had been to try and look at him! She should have known that he would catch her watching him at some point. She had tried to keep her crush on him a secret for so long. He couldn't know that the debt she owed for what he had done for her so long ago had stayed with her. How she wanted to tell him how his actions saved her and her family. How his kindness and compassion had drawn her in so much that she found herself dreaming of him at night, and even sometimes during the day.
In her reverie about him, she finally wondered why Peeta Mellark had been looking at her when she tried to get a glimpse of him. There wasn't a logical reason for that, but maybe he was just bored and looking around the room to find distraction as she had. She shook her head and let it go at that and tried once again to concentrate on the subject. Having Peeta in class, though, always made it hard as she just wanted to get lost in those beautiful eyes of his. She was realistic, though, and knew that a popular boy like him would never want to be seen publicly with a girl as low on the social ladder as she was. No one ever gave her a second thought. Oh well, one can still dream she sighed to herself as the bell rang to end her torture.
She left the room and continued on with her day, without much fanfare, thank goodness. She finally made it to lunch and found where Madge and Gale were sitting. Her two best friends who just so happened to be dating. They always invited her on their dates and never made her feel like the third wheel. They even tried setting her up with a few boys on double dates, but she never seemed to feel that special thing for any of them. She had never told Gale and Madge about her secret feelings for Peeta, either. She wasn't sure they would understand.
The lunch conversation was in its usual flow about weekend activities, upcoming school events, the latest couples gossip, and so on, until Madge broke in with something she remembered.
"Oh, Katniss, did you see the flyer over there? You won't believe it!" her friend gushed.
"What is it?" her curiosity was heightened by Madge's enthusiasm.
"There is going to be an opportunity to be in competition for the next season of Duets. I absolutely love that show! I would try out myself if I didn't already know I have a terrible voice."
"Win a chance to sing on Duets?" Katniss said in disbelief. It was also her favorite reality show. Actually, it was the only show she really watched at all. She and Prim tuned in to it weekly when it was on. They always discussed and tried to bet on who would win. The singers were all usually very good. They were selected from competitions around all of Panem, with one couple coming from each district. Every week they would sing duets to try and win votes from the viewers, and the couple getting the lowest votes would be cut from the competition. The last two couples remaining would have a huge sing off and voters would choose a final winner. The winning singers would get a record deal, a victory concert tour, along with other prizes. It was amazing.
Katniss was so lost in her thoughts about the possibilities that she almost didn't hear Gale chime in, "Hey Catnip, you should go look at the flyer. You used to sing so well, I bet you could at least try out to see. You never know, you just might get picked!"
She scowled and shook her head at her friend. "Gale, I don't sing anymore, you know that. Besides, I would be so out of practice now. There is no way anyone would want me to sing."
He looked at her intensely, "Look Katniss, I know why you don't sing, but this could be a way for you to heal a little bit. It's been such a long time since he's been gone. You should at least give it a shot. Just go over and look at the information." He nodded in the direction of the school information bulletin board as he and Madge stood up. "We need to go anyways. Gotta head to the library for a little bit." With that, he and Madge walked away, threw out their trash, and headed out of the cafeteria.
Katniss sat there for a few minutes longer, thinking over what Gale had said. Deep in her heart she knew he was right. It had been five years and she had continued to bottle up so much by not singing. The only time she ever felt free of the pain was when she let all her emotion out in the woods. She had to begin to let go. It was time.
With a deep breath, she slowly got up, threw her trash away, took her tray to the kitchen area, and then walked over to the wall where her friends had pointed to the flyer. Katniss finally got close enough to read the words.
WIN A CHANCE TO COMPETE ON DUETS!
Students are encouraged to come and try out for a chance to sing on the next season of Duets. One boy and one girl will be chosen from District 12 High to compete in the capitol. If you are interested, please take a form to fill out and place your initials below for a time to sing. You will need to choose a song and work out accompanying music. Tryouts will be private. If you have any questions, please talk with Mr. Abernathy in the music department.
After the information, a listing of dates and times were listed, half for boys and half for girls, with blank lines next to them to sign up. Many of the times already had initials placed next to them. Katniss was at least happy that the tryouts were going to be private and at least she wouldn't be embarrassed if she did try out and ended up singing terribly. If she could be in her own private room, no one might even be the wiser hat she even did it, so no harm. She wanted to try to sing, but not sure at all if she was ready to do it in front of a crowd.
Katniss thought for a moment longer about all of this. She was coming to the decisionthat at least attempting to try out would be a step in the right direction. She didn't have to think beyond that right now. Winners of the competition got the record deal, but anyone competing got a cash prize. The longer one stayed on, the larger the prize. Any money won would go far to helping her family. It could go to college funds for her and Prim. Their mother worked so hard, but still made barely enough for them to live on. Katniss tried to find a job to help, but their mother wouldn't allow it, saying that school came first. Any extra money would most definitely help out. Just one more reason she should go for it.
With all of the factors, Katniss made her final choice. She found that 4:00 on Thursday afternoon was still an open time slot. She quickly got out a pencil and wrote her initials down. She put the writing utensil back in her backpack, and began walking to her next class.
As she moved along in her day, one thought kept repeating in her head.
What have I just done?
Song lyrics were from Stay (I Missed You) by Lisa Loeb